


Strangers On A Bench

by Sixtu16



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Clarke won't accept help, Clexa is Endgame, Domestic Violence, F/F, F/M, Homeless woman, Lexa is CEO, Little Ayden, M/M, Slow Burn Clarke Griffin/Lexa, badass octavia, finn is an asshole
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2018-08-03
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:42:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 59
Words: 192,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sixtu16/pseuds/Sixtu16
Summary: Lexa is the CEO of Coalition corp, making her the most known woman on Earth. It's the middle of December, and it's freezing in Polis City. Lexa goes back home, but then, she sees something unusual. A blonde woman on a bench, with her 5 year old kid, wrapped in blankets. Lexa is smart, so she figures; they are homeless. But she feels like there is more to say than that. What is going on with them?





	1. Strangers On A Bench

* * *

 

I like to listen to music while writing, so I'll give every chapter a song which fits it, or the name of the song I was listening when i wrote it ! Enjoy !

* * *

 

 

** Chapter 1 : Strangers On a Bench **

_Sorrow – Sleeping at Last_

 

It was in the middle of winter, and damn, it was freezing out there on this Saturday afternoon. Snow was starting to fall, and the streets were already turning white. Lexa got out of her building, late, because some business people disagreed with her for far too long during the weekly meeting. She was a very busy and important woman, Lexa, because she was the CEO of Coalition corp.

Coalition Corp. was a big group of twelve very different companies, leading together in first position on the global market as one, having an impact in every country. In those companies, they were three different banks, a newspaper, “Grounder of Polis”, the biggest law firm in the country and Polis’ police station, which was training police officers from the entire world.  
Last month, they had finally incarcerated the most famous criminal from those past twenty years; Carl Emerson, the ripper and kidnapper of forty-four women and children. He was also guilty of murdering them, but no one had been able to prove it, until Lexa inherited twelve companies five years ago, all at once. Then, she became the richest woman alive, and the most known business woman on the planet.  
In her first month in charge, she had the brilliant idea of creating a big Corporation, the biggest one the world ever had, to make the twelve companies she owned work with each other, to do things faster and better. And to everyone’ surprise, it worked. By working together, the police station and the law firm were able to put Emerson behind bars. Now, he was rotting in jail for the rest of his life.

Lexa shivered at the souvenir of Emerson. She held her hand in the air for a cab. She didn’t have to wait too long, because soon a black car stopped beside her.

"Where do you wanna go miss?"

Lexa gave the driver her address, sat on the back seat, and turned her head toward the window. It was going to be Christmas soon, and gosh, the streets of Polis were full of Christmas decorations, with white light strings in every tree. Lexa sighed, and took her eyes off the window. She couldn’t think about it now.

 

Her phone rang, and she looked in her bag full of crap for almost a minute before finding it. Lexa sighed again when she saw who was calling her.

"Titus", she said, annoyed.

"Forgive me for disturbing you, Heda, but Gustus said you were not in your building anymore. He thought he was going to drive you back at your place."

"Thank you, Titus, but I already told you I didn’t need a private driver. I’ve got... Hold on." 

She put her hand over the phone.

"Hey, what’s your name?" She asked the taxi driver.

"Lincoln, Miss."

She thanked him, and put back the phone close to her ear.

"I’ve got Lincoln to bring me back home. I don’t need a private driver."

"Heda, it would be safer if..." Titus began to protest.

"Titus", she cut him off, "I am the one in charge. I’m making my own decisions. I’ll see you on Monday."

She could almost hear Titus sighing in the phone

"Goodnight, Heda."

"Bye, Titus."

She hung up and threw her phone back in her bag, sighing once again.

"You’re okay, Miss?" Lincoln asked.

"Yeah yeah", Lexa waved her hand, _whatever_.

Lincoln didn’t ask more questions, and they kept driving for a while. Lexa was lost in her thoughts, when a shout escaped from Lincoln’s mouth.

"Shit!"

Lexa just had time to take a look at the street to see another cab driving right in their direction. Both cars bumped into each other, sending Lexa in the seat’s back in front of her, causing her nose to hit the seat hard.  


Then, her cab stopped moving. Lexa winced in pain, and took a tissue from her bag to keep her nose from bleeding on the seats.

"Are you ok, Miss? That dumbass, doesn’t know how to drive, I’m gonna..." started Lincoln, before Lexa cut him off.

"I’m ok. I don’t want to be murdered today thank you very much."

Lincoln opened his mouth to speak, but decided not to do so as he saw the anger in Lexa’s eyes and the tissue she was holding on her nose. His eyes widened a little more when he saw the logo on Lexa’s suitcase; Coalition Corp. He knew her face was familiar, but now he was sure he just had gotten the biggest CEO ever in a car crash. _I’m never going be accepted there as a private driver now,_ he thought. _What an idiot I am._

Lexa get outside the car, and shivered when the cold wind hit her. She could see the snow beginning to get thinker, and she didn’t want to be out for too long. Unfortunately, she was still far from her loft, and she had too much pride to ask Gustus to come pick her up. 

* * *

 

She tightened her scarf around her neck, and quickened her pace. Along the way, she could see some people looking at her curiously. She had to fight the urge to roll her eyes and shout at them not to stare at her like that. She hated celebrity, she hated it so much. Her face was on every paper, every magazines. Everyone knew who she was. It should have made her happy, but she was not. To Lexa, being Coalition corp.’s CEO was a burden. She didn’t want all this fame, all the gossip around her. Yeah, she loved her job, but she didn’t plan to be CEO and sometimes, it was too many responsibilities for only a woman to carry. Sometimes, she wished that she was still with her, by her side.

She shook her head, not wanting to think about her again. She sighed when she saw the little park in front of her. Her loft was on the other side of it; she would be home soon. But Lexa wasn’t even sure it was actually her home. She wasn’t sure of anything, these days.

 She pushed the green gate, and entered the park. Like she expected, no one was there. The snow was falling down hard now, and all the children were probably home with their parents. She quickened her pace a little more, when she saw something which intrigued her. Not sure to have seen it well, she came closer to the bench ; under the falling snow, there were a woman, hushing a little boy on her arms, who couldn’t be more than five, wrapped in a patched up blanket. _Damn this girl is beautiful. So young and blonde and beautiful,_ Lexa thought.

 Not wanting to scare her, Lexa stayed a few meters away, trying to know what those two were doing here. It was snowing more and more, and Lexa couldn’t almost see them with all the snowflakes falling down. But the woman wasn’t moving to go somewhere else to protect the little boy, and something hit Lexa. There were homeless. Lexa took a look around the blonde lady. She could see some bags, scattered around the bench. The boy was crying more loudly now, and Lexa was ready to swear she could see tears in the eyes of the woman, who was probably her mother, too. She snickered closer to them, to be able to hear what she was saying. She hid behind a tree, felling a bit ashamed for what she was doing.

"Ayden, please baby, I know you’re cold, but you know we can’t go back there, please honey you know we can’t, I’m trying the best I can..."

Lexa hold her breath when she heard the woman’s voice. She seemed desperate, and in the verge of crying too. Ayden, the little boy, was crying a little less, and Lexa noticed he was shivering hard against his mother’s sweater. Somewhat the woman noticed it too, because she let go of Ayden for a minute, to remove her sweater and make Ayden wear it. Lexa saw the interrogation in Ayden’s eyes.

"Mommy, you’re gonna be cold now", he said with a tiny sad voice.

"No, I’m gonna be okay, just stay close to me, okay?" The blonde said with a smile.

Once Ayden had buried his nose on his mother’s chest, the smile dropped instantly off her face. Lexa swore she saw a tear rolling down her cheek. Her lips were blue, and she was trying her best not to let her teeth chatter.

Lexa couldn’t bear it anymore; she felt something for them, and she couldn’t stay behind her tree much longer, watching them without doing anything. A couple of seconds later, she was standing in front of the woman, but she got up at the same time without seeing her, bumping into Lexa, spilling the water she had in a plastic bottle all over the floor. The woman looked up at her, surprise written on her face.

".. I’m sorry", started Lexa.

But the blonde didn’t give her time to speak.

"What the fuck?"

"I’m sorry, I saw you and..."

"So you told yourself you were going to do a good action and help me? No thanks, I don’t want your pity. And now I have no water left. Great."

The woman started to pack their things furiously, leaving a sleeping Ayden on the bench. Lexa was taken aback by what she said.

"What are you still doing here?" She asked, quite angry, "leave us alone!"

"Ahem, I’m sorry", Lexa began to ramble, "I don’t know what came to my mind, you seemed to be cold, I couldn’t bear it, I’m gonna go now, sorry."

Lexa was confused about her own attitude. Why was she acting like that? They were none of her business, what the hell crossed her mind? She started to walk again, but at the moment she turned around head back home, she thought of something, and came back in front of the woman.

"I’m Lexa", she said. "I’m sorry for... Whatever. Just... If you need something, water or anything..."

Lexa searched on her bag for some visit cards, but thought better of it. If the woman knew who she was, she would definitely think Lexa was giving her some pity. She ripped a blank page from her notebook, and wrote down her private number on it.

"Just give me a call. Yeah?"

The blonde took the paper, not without a death glare directed at Lexa, and put it in her pocket. Lexa was pretty sure she was going to throw it the first chance she got, anyways. Lexa started to walk away, but she hid herself behind the tree once more.

She saw the girl put her bag on her back, pick up Ayden in her arms, and put the other bag on her shoulder. Lexa’s heart was hurting for the other girl, wishing she could do something to help them. She carefully watched them heading out the park, and her eyes never left them, until they were no longer there.

Lexa sighed for what seems like the umpteen times today. Right now, all she wanted to do was to bang her head against the tree for what she was feeling inside of her. Why did she care? She had nothing to do with those two, but she was already starting to feel empty inside, now alone standing in the snow.

She didn’t know the weather was this cold, and when she finally came home, she thought her fingers were going to fall from her hands. Immediately, she thought about the blonde and Ayden, on their own under the snow, probably freezing too.  


At home, she had to listen to Anya complaining about how late she was for dinner, and to Titus who absolutely wanted to persuade her to have a private driver. “You are Heda. You can’t afford to get sick. Don’t ever stay out in the cold again”, Titus said.

 

This night, Lexa didn’t sleep well, like every night since the accident in last January. But it wasn’t for the usual reason, though. This time, she dreamed about a certain blonde and her brown haired child, being buried under tons of snow, calling desperately for help, with people passing near them without acknowledging them.

 

This night, she woke up at 3:00 am, panting and sweating, with the face of the blonde still clear in her mind. She switched on the light, knowing she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep. She took a look at the picture on her nightstand, feeling afraid of what she was starting to feel inside of her chest. Something new. Something she didn’t feel for a long time. _What is happening to me,_ she thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading ! What did you think about it? What do you think will happen next? Please review and let me know!  
> I also apologize for the mistakes I may make, English isn't my first language, and feel free to correct me if I'm not making any sense to you !


	2. You Don't Know

**So here is Chapter 2! I'll update at least once a week, maybe two if you're lucky !**

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_Breathe – Fleurie_

 

Clarke woke up when her phone buzzed, and started to panic when she couldn’t feel Ayden lying beside her on the blanket. She sat, trying to remember where she was. She was in the storage room from her former building. And Ayden wasn’t here.

"Ayden?" She started to yell, trying to get up, "Ayden where are you?"

A few seconds later, Ayden was kicking the door open, running to her, and she embraced him in her arms, letting a single tear running down her cheek, relieved to see her son.

"Hey baby", she whispered in his ear. "Did you sleep well?"

The little boy answered in nodding his head, giving her mother a big smile.

"I heard him speak, so I went to see him!" Ayden told her, very enthusiastic.

Clarke frowned. Who was her son talking about?

"Hey, Clarkey. Long time no see", someone said.

Clarke looked up the see who was talking to her. Bellamy. He was standing at the doorstep, leaning on the wall.

"What are you doing here, Clarke? Why aren’t you at home? Where is Finn? Wait, did you sleep here? In this closet?"

Clarke sighed, not wanting to explain anything. She knew she would have to though, but she wasn’t ready. Instead, she started to pack their things, not wanting someone else to find them here. Having Bellamy seeing them was already embarrassing enough. He was smart; And Clarke knew he would understand something was wrong.

"Nah, I just came back to take something in my former flat. I couldn’t find what I was looking for so I came here", she answered, showing the storage room.

Bellamy raised a brow, not believing her, taking a better look at her. He had a bad feeling, but he couldn’t put his finger on the reason why.

"Clarke, come on", Bellamy said in a gentle voice, "what’s going on?"

"Nothing, Bellamy, alright? We are both fine".

"Come on, I know you’re..." he tried again, but Clarke cut him off.

"What the hell do you know, Bellamy? You don’t know. Please just... Let me be, ok?"

Bellamy thought about asking more questions, but did not. He could see Clarke was in trouble, and he was ready to bet it had everything to do with Finn the shithead. Bellamy sighed, and exited the room, closing the door behind him.

 

He never liked Finn. This guy was too pretentious, seemed too caring to be sincere, always trying to be the peacemaker. But when Clarke fell in love with him in college, Bellamy didn’t have a word to say about it, and respected Clarke’s decision. He knew things had become complicated after graduating. Clarke got pregnant by accident, and Finn slowly became someone they didn’t recognize. He got into a fight once, which had almost cost him his life if it hasn’t been for Bellamy and Miller’s help.

Those past few days, Bellamy was really worried about Clarke and Ayden. He could feel in his bones that something was wrong. He hadn’t seen them in a while, and he could swear he had seen a bruise on Clarke’s neck five minutes earlier; not a hickey, a real bruise.

But he knew Clarke, and knew she wouldn’t talk to him if she didn’t want to. Damn, that girl was stubborn, just like Abby, her mother. Clarke and Abby stopped talking to each other a few years ago, when Clarke discovered her mother was the one who killed her father. Well, she didn’t really kill him, but did nothing to prevent it. Her father was caught in a bad fight, and her mother didn’t call for help. First, Clarke couldn’t understand why her mother had remained untouched and her father had died but then, she figured out. Her mother knew the assassins, knew they were after her father for the discovery he had made in his lab, and she let them kill him to prevent the truth to be told.

After that, Clarke was broken inside. Bellamy and the others couldn’t do anything to help her. Clarke started living with Finn, rising up their kid; while he was never home to help her. Hell, Ayden didn’t even know her father. He was a total stranger to him, just a man who was home sometimes. Bellamy, Octavia and Raven did their best to help Clarke with Ayden, but she was too stubborn to ask for help when she needed it. She started to talk less and less to her friends, and soon enough she wasn’t acknowledging them anymore, trying to fix everything by herself. It also had to do with them not appreciating Finn anymore. Even Raven could see he was changing, and not for the better. They were all supportive of Clarke, but Finn... He didn’t belong with them anymore.

* * *

 

Bellamy went upstairs to head back to his apartment. He was living in Arcadia, a shitty building for people who didn’t have enough money to pay for an apartment in town. Here were living most of his friends too. He came here when his parents died, ten years ago, quitting college and to take care of her younger sister, Octavia.  
Now, he was a police officer at Polis’ police station, and Octavia was training as a special agent, always in secret missions, under Indra’s leadership. Indra had spotted Octavia fight in the street once, and had decided to teach her and incorporate her in her special team. For the first in her life, Octavia had felt like she finally had a purpose, and if Bellamy wasn’t fond of the idea at first, with time he saw how good that was for Octavia and became happy and proud of her sister.  
The Blakes were beginning to finally make some money, but with their parents’ debts they had to take care of, they couldn’t afford to live anywhere else, so they stayed in Arcadia.

The Blake siblings’ apartment was on the first floor, like Monty’s, an agro-engineer, and Jasper and Maya’s, both agro-scientists too. On the second floor was living Raven Reyes, a damn good mechanic who used to be Finn’s girlfriend in middle school.  
Next to her flat was Finn’s former flat before he bought a house to live over there with Clarke and their son.  
Wells Jaha used to also live on that floor, and was Clarke’s best friend, before he was killed by a stray bullet near the building. Wells dying was also one of the reasons Clarke had started to push them away.

On the third floor were Clarke’s former flat, Harper’s, even she now lived in Monty’s with him, Murphy and Emori’s, Nathan and Bryan Miller’s. They all lived in here together, almost in cages, but even if the building was old like shit and was menacing to fall down at any moment, they had managed to make themselves feel like at home. They were all very supportive with each other, always there to help. They shared a big story, after all.

All of them survived a terrible plan crash, when they were headed to Europe on Christmas’ holidays during high school. Their plane crashed, and they had to survive for a month in the wildness, before the authorities find them. After that accident, they were never the same again, having to deal with the consequences of the crash, but didn’t let go of each other.

 Bellamy unlocked his door, and found his sister lying on the couch, watching TV.

"Hey O", he said, "when was the last time you saw Clarke?"

"Don’t know, maybe last week", she shrugged, "why?"

"Just to know."

He didn’t want to worry his sister before he had any true information, but he was really worried about Clarke, and decided to go knock at Finn’s door. 

* * *

 

_(Til It happens to you – Lady Gaga)_

Once in front of their house, he rang at the doorbell. Nobody came. He rang three or four times more, to be sure. It was weird the house was empty. It was Sunday, and he had seen Clarke not even an hour earlier. Where was she? And where was Finn?

Bellamy went to the side of the house, where he knew there was a window heading on the kitchen. He hoisted himself on the ledge of the window to take a look inside. His eyes widened when he saw the mess in the kitchen; they were broken glasses and plates all over the floor, and the chairs and table were upside down.

"What the fuck happened here?" Bellamy whispered, not believing what he was seeing.

He climbed down the window, and decided to enter the house. He had to force the door, and his eyes widened even more. Everything was broken in pieces. All the pictures on the wall were now on the ground, completely destroyed. There was not a furniture still standing. The whole house looked like a bomb had exploded inside.

"Is there someone?"

Nobody answered, as he expected. Bellamy went into the living-room, and was surprised when he saw who was lying on the couch.  Finn. Surrounded by bottles of alcohol, most of them empty, sleeping. Or maybe unconscious. Bellamy was starting to get the picture, and he was beginning to feel angry. Very angry. He got into the kitchen, and filled a glass which had been spared from destruction.  

"Wake up, asshole", he said while he was throwing the water at Finn’s face.

"What the... Bellamy, what the fuck you’re doing here? Get out of my house!" Finn began to shout.

Bellamy shook his head, and punched Finn back on the couch.

"Shut up. What did you do to Clarke? Why your house looks like a battlefield?"

Finn looked surprised.

"I did nothing man! She was angry at me for not helping with this annoying child, and I made her shut up, that’s all."

Bellamy saw red, and couldn’t hold his fist, which connected with Finn’s jaw a second later.

"You’re crazy dude?" Finn shouted again, holding his jaw with both hands.

"What. Did. You. Do. To. Clarke." He asked again. "You hit her? Is that right? You hit your woman, Collins? Did your hurt your son, too? Your fucking _son_ , Finn!"

"I barely pushed her! That’s not my fault she’s made of glass!"

Bellamy hit him again on the nose, raging.

"Where is she?" He asked, in the verge of murdering him.

 _This asshole had touched Clarke. He hit her_ , Bellamy thought. He didn’t wait for Finn’s answer, and punched him once more. Finn momentarily collapsed on the couch, before opening his eyes again, putting his hands on his now bleeding broken nose.

"Could you stop please? I didn’t see Clarke in two weeks now! I screwed up, alright? I know!" Finn shouted, upset.

"In two weeks, Finn? She and Ayden didn’t sleep here in two weeks?" Bellamy asked, very surprised.

Finn shrugged.

"Nah, she didn’t come back after I... Bellamy I know I screwed up, but I want her back. I love her."

"Not happening", Bellamy said with a cold voice. "You won’t ever see her again. You’re dead to us now. To all of us".

"But..." Finn started to protest.

Bellamy hit his jaw another time.

"You come any closer to her, and I'll end you". 

He left the room and slammed the front door, still not quite believing what he had just found out.  _I know now, Clarke. I know._

* * *

**Clexa fans don't be angry at me, don't worry Clexa is endgame ! But I thought Bellamy had to be a part of this story, he is like Clarke's best friend after all, and a big part of her life !**


	3. Café Viennois

**Okay so here is the new chapter! enjoy, and don't forget to tell me what you thought about it !!**

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_Song : Begin again written by Taylor Swift but Chad Sugg’s Cover_

 

Bellamy left Finn and Clarke’s house, leaving a semi-conscious Finn in the middle of his living-room. Once back in his car, Bellamy took her head in his hands. Two weeks. Clarke was gone from her house for two weeks, and she didn’t come back to live in a former apartment, which was still at her name, even if she wasn’t paying the bills anymore. Where has she been, all this time? In the storage room, where Bellamy had found them this morning? No, they couldn’t, because some people were passing by the closet every day bringing their trashes and picking stuff. Clarke was in real trouble, and he couldn’t keep this from the others. It was 9am now, and he has to do something. When he went back in the building, Clarke was far long gone. He pulled his phone from his pocket and dialled their secret number.

"Hey, it’s me. I need to talk to all of you about something. Can you call for a meeting? Yeah, I know it’s Sunday morning and people are sleeping, but it’s level 4. Yeah, you heard well. Great, okay. Thank you Raven. I’ll see you in an hour."

He hung up, and went to his flat to change and take care of his hand. He was glad Octavia wasn’t there anymore, because he was so pissed, and her sister would have tried to find out why. He didn’t notice back then, but now he could see bruises and blood where he had hit Finn. He didn’t think the blood was his own, though. What an asshole. Hitting Clarke. Bellamy took his time to get clean, not wanting to burst in anger. He needed to calm down, and wait for the others to come.

They’ll find what was going on, together. He heard a key turning in the lock of his door, and a minute later a very worried Octavia was rushing into the bathroom.

"Bell, you’re alright? Crap, what happened?" She quickly said when she saw his hand.

"Yeah, I’m fine, it’s nothing."

"Did you get into a fight? Raven said it was level 4."

Bellamy sighed, and took her sister by the arm, bringing them back in the tinny living room.

"It’s level 4, but not about me. I’ll explain everything when the others will be there. I promise."

Octavia looked at her older brother suspiciously, but didn’t say anything and sat on the couch to wait for the others. Soon enough, the rest of the group was there, sitting on the floor, waiting for Bellamy to speak.

* * *

 

 Lexa had her eyes almost glued to the window, watching the snow falling down and the wind making little tornadoes of snowflakes.

"God Lexa, it’s Sunday. Do something. Don’t stay here all day!"

Lexa rolled her eyes hearing Anya’s voice. She heard the woman making her way toward her, holding two fuming cups on her hands.

"What’s in this head of yours, Lexa?" Asked Anya while giving her one of the cups.

"Nothing", shrugged Lexa, not taking her eyes off the window.

Anya sighed, not knowing what to do. Soon, it would be Christmas, and she didn’t know how Lexa would handle it. Not after what happened last year. Anya sighed another time before speaking.

"It’s gonna be Christmas in three weeks."

Lexa just nodded.

"Maybe next week, we could go pick a Christmas tree together?" She tried again.

Lexa’s eyes widened at the thought.

"No Christmas tree. No Christmas at all", she answered quickly.

She never went picking a Christmas tree without her before. It was Costia’s favourite thing about Christmas.  She couldn’t think about that now.

"Come Lex you know it's..." started Anya.

"Shut up, Anya. You know why I don’t want to. Don’t push me."

Lexa stood up hurriedly, went into her room without looking back at a very sad Anya, and slammed the door a little harder than she meant too.

Alone in the living-room, Anya sighed and went to wash her cup, not in the mood for tea and chimney fire anymore. Lexa used to be so funny, before, so full of life. Now, she was just a shadow at home, and a robot at work. But Anya had noticed that something was bothering Lexa, since she came back home yesterday. Something unusual. But she didn’t want to push Lexa, and maybe she would tell her, when she would be ready.

* * *

 

Lying on her bed, Lexa was lost in her thoughts, when she heard the wind beginning to intensify. She shivered, and got up to pick another blanket to roll herself into it. She began to think about the blonde and her son. She shook her head; why couldn’t she think about anything else? She needed to do something to change her mind. She got up and put her shoes on to go to the cafe down the street.

She came back in the living-room, and Anya raised a brow seeing Lexa getting ready to head out.

"Lexa, where are you going? It’s snowing."

"I know", Lexa simply answered.

"But you hate snow", protested Anya.

"You should go back at your place before the snow gets thicker; I’m just going for a walk."

"But..." Anya started to protest.

Too late, Lexa was already outside. Anya sighed, and began to pick up her stuffs before heading back at her place.

* * *

 

Once in the streets, Lexa was starting to breathe again. She headed towards the cafe, when someone suddenly bumped into her, knocking her down in the snow. She hit her head, and winced at the pain, before opening her eyes to see who had made her fall. Her eyes widened when green met blue. The pair of eyes looking back at her was so blue. _God I could drown myself in them,_ Lexa thought. Then, she recognised the person in front of her. The blonde woman and her child. Lexa got up quickly, not believing she had bumped on them by pure coincidence, and offered her hand to help the other woman get up.

"I’m so sorry", the blonde started, "I didn’t see you, I was just..."

"We know you!" Ayden suddenly said, interrupting his mother, "you’re the woman from the park yesterday!"

The blonde looked down at her very enthusiastic son. Great. She just bumped into the person who had given them pity the day just before.

"I’m sorry again, we are going to go now", she said, starting to walk away.

At the moment she opened her lips, Lexa knew she shouldn’t be doing this. But strangely, she didn’t care, and let the words slip from her mouth.

"Ahem, actually can I offer you two a coffee or something?"

The woman looked at her, surprise written on her face, not expecting to hear that. Hell, even Lexa was surprised about what she was asking.

"For making you fall", added Lexa.

Lexa could see the woman thinking, probably weighing the pros and cons, and if it wasn’t for Ayden begging his mother to accept the offer, she probably would have said no.

"Yes Mommy, can we go drink hot chocolate? Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase!"

The blonde finally smiled at her child.

"Alright, calm down Ayden, we’ll go", she said looking at Lexa.

"Yes!" Shouted Ayden, clapping his hands together.

Lexa’s heart bumped in her chest. The blonde had said yes. For a second, Lexa thought it was weird to feel like this because of a stranger woman, but this feeling was gone the moment she spoke again.

"Where are we going...?" The blonde asked.

"I’m Lexa", she answered.

"I remember", the blonde said. "I’m Clarke".

Lexa smiled to her, and began to walk with Clarke and Ayden by her sides.

"Alright Clarke. There is a French café right at the corner of the streets."

* * *

 

Once settled inside the café, Lexa noticed Clarke was struggling to choose her beverage. She didn’t know why, but she guessed it has to do with money, and was sad to think Clarke was probably trying to choose the cheapest drink on the menu.

"I’m paying, so you two can choose whatever you want", Lexa said, looking at Ayden. "What is your choice?"

If Lexa noticed the blush on Clarke’s cheeks, she didn’t say a word about it.

"I don’t know", Ayden shrugged, "what did you choose Yexa?"

Lexa’s eyes widened in hearing the little boy saying her name. It was adorable.

"Well, I’m gonna go with... un café viennois!"

Clarke frowned. Lexa just talked in French. And it was quite sexy. _Shut up Clarke,_ she told herself.

"Yexa, what’s a cafey viennois?" Ayden asked with a very sweet accent.

"Hm, it’s basically coffee with whipped cream on it!"

"I want that!" He said excited.

Clarke laughed, and Lexa thought it was the best thing she ever heard. _Get yourself together Lexa._

"No Ayden, you can’t have coffee", said Clarke, "still laughing a little".

The boy immediately pouted, crossing his arms on his chest.

"But maybe you can ask for whipped cream on a hot chocolate?" Lexa suggested, not wanting to see the boy upset.

He nodded to Lexa, happy about the idea.

"You should try this", said Lexa to Clarke, pointing something on the list. "I think you’ll like it".

Clarke bit her bottom lip, and Lexa thought she was going to die. _Man those lips._ She quickly looked away, but looked up again when Clarke said she was going to give what she had suggested a shot. Lexa smiled, and ordered their drinks.

* * *

 

They didn’t talk much, and mostly about silly things like weather and food and movies. Lexa didn’t ask any questions about them being homeless, and Clarke was glad for it. They had laughed a lot, especially when Ayden had had his mouth covered up with whipped cream, and they laughed even more when he tried to put the whipped cream in a shape of a mustache.

But now they had finished their drinks, far too soon for Lexa, and she could see Clarke trying to find a way to leave. Except they didn’t anywhere to go. Lexa figured out, so she thought it would be better if she was the one leaving first.

"Ok, so I have someone waiting for me at home", she lied, "I’m going to go."

Clarke only nodded, half-glad Lexa was leaving, so she wouldn’t have to find a stupid reason why she and Ayden had to go, reason they all knew it wasn’t true.

"It was cool seeing you two again", Lexa said with a smile.

She got up and almost face-palmed herself. _It was cool seeing you two again; seriously Lexa? You couldn’t find anything better?_ She paid for their drinks, and tried to ignore the shame which was clearly written on Clarke’s face.

"So, ahem, goodbye Clarke", Lexa started, looking right into the blue eyes.

Clarke thought she was going to die. Lexa’s eyes were green, a stunning and beautiful green, and Clarke was speechless. She then noticed that Lexa was waiting for her to say something.

"Yeah bye, Lexa. Thanks for the drinks."

Lexa smiled. _Fuck. I just fell in love with her smile._ Clarke mentally cursed herself for her last thought.

"Bye Ayden", she said, waving at them before heading to the door.

"Bye Yexa, see you soon!" She heard the boy shout at her.

* * *

 

With a smile on her face, Lexa went outside. Snow had stopped to fall, and for the first time in almost a year, she decided life wasn’t that bad. 

Clarke watched her walk away, and she was strangely starting to feel sad. Deep down, she knew why, but she wasn’t ready to admit it. 

On her way back, Lexa saw Anya’s car heading toward her, leaving the street. When she was near her, Lexa waved at Anya, gave her a big bright smile, and got inside her loft.

Anya’s car turned at the crossroad, and she couldn’t believe what she had just saw. Lexa. Smiling and waving goodbye at her. It was a total new thing. Where did she go, to be happy like this? Anya felt glad for her cousin, no matter the reason was. Maybe Lexa’s soul wasn’t totally lost, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I changed the way I was writing the dialogues! What do you think about it? Let me know if it's better ! ;)


	4. Unanswered Questions And Warm Sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 4! He is a little shorter than the others, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway !

_Song : Broken Crown – Mumford And Sons_

 

They were all sat in the Blakes’ living room, waiting for Bellamy to speak. Octavia was really worried, and all of them were wondering why Bellamy wanted to see them.

“So you said it was level 4. Who died?” Asked Raven, trying to break the ice.

“That’s not funny, Raven. And someone dying is level 5”, snapped Bellamy, sending a glare to her.

“Right.”  
Bellamy took a deep breath, feeling all eyes on him.

“It’s about Clarke”, he said.

“What? What about Clarke?” Octavia said with a confused look on her face.

“Hold on, Clarke is level 4 now?” Monty and Jasper asked at the same time.

“The one and only time Clarke was on level 4 was when Wells died, so again, who died this time?” Raven said.

“Guys, will you concentrate please? This is important!” Shouted Bellamy.

They all stopped talking, looking at Bellamy with very surprised eyes. If Bellamy was that upset about something happening to Clarke, it was indeed important.

“Okay Bell, explain the situation to us”, asked Octavia with a whispering voice. 

Bellamy nodded, and started to explain everything he knew. He told them he hadn't seen Clarke for the past two weeks, being busy with his job, but as he expected, the others hadn’t seen her either. He told them where he had found Clarke and Ayden this morning, sleeping in the little room down the hall. He talked about his visit at Clarke and Finn’s house to find a very drunk Finn and a completely messy home with evident signs of fight. He also had to confess pushing Finn in the face several times, and sending death threats at him. He told them Clarke and Ayden hadn’t been home for two weeks now, and he asked them if someone had seen them living in her former apartment. All the answers were no. Nobody knew where she was, nobody knew what was going on. They all wanted to cry when Bellamy said Finn had been hitting her, and that it was the reason for Clarke leaving the house with little Ayden. The discussion left them all worried sick about Clarke and her boy.

“Seems like Princess’s crown is broken”, said Murphy.

They all sent death glares to him, making him throw his arms in the air to apologize.

“Why didn’t she tell us? We are her friends, are we not?” Octavia murmured, on the verge of tears. 

“Maybe she didn’t know how to talk with us about it”, suggested Harper, “Finn is part of the group too, and maybe she didn’t want to create conflict between us”.

Bellamy sighed, putting a strong arm around his sister’s shoulders, not knowing the right thing to say to calm her down.

“We have to do something against that jerk, and help Clarke”, said Raven, surprising everybody in the room.

All eyes were on her now. Being Finn’s ex-girlfriend, no one expected her to stand against him, but there she was, talking with them about a way to help Clarke.

 It was already late when they finished the discussion; they needed to find Clarke, and then to take care of her, like she did back when they crashed with the plane. They all remembered the living hell it was for them over there, and how Clarke kept them all alive. She was the reason they were all here, today. They couldn’t let her down now. Whatever troubles she was in, they were going to help her. They decided to take turn driving in the neighborhood, in case someone saw her, while Bellamy Monty and Jasper were patrolling near Finn’s house, to protect her in case she decided to go back there. They needed to find her and Ayden. _Where the fuck were they?_

* * *

 

Raven was getting to get really worried too. Yes, she was Finn’s ex and had a hard time accepting the fact that Finn didn’t love her anymore and had only eyes for Clarke, because it really was a lot to take. She had known Finn form pre-school, and they were almost raised together; Raven’s dad was a drug dealer, like a lot of people in Raven’s former neighborhood, and he was shot to death. Raven’s mother went into pills and alcohol after that, and became incapable of taking care of Raven. Fortunately, the boy next door, Finn, helped Raven get out of this mess. He was her only family.  
But right now, she didn’t know what to think about him anymore. She knew he had changed recently, but hitting Clarke, really? She knew Bellamy wasn’t lying to them, but still, it was hard to believe. But deep within her, Raven knew he wasn’t the same since that night, six years ago.

Around Polis, there were a lot of dealers, and every few weeks, people were dying, caught up in gang fights or stray bullets like Wells. Clarke was working at the hospital, that night, and was supposed to finish her shift at 11 pm, and head straight to Arcadia to have dinner with her friends, waiting for her. But time passed, and at 2 am, they were all really worried about her, because she still wasn’t there. They tried everything they could; calling her, calling the hospital to see if she was still there, calling some of Clarke’s colleagues. Clarke wasn’t anywhere to be find. That night, they all thought Clarke was in trouble and something had happened to her on her way back, and Finn went crazy. He got out, with a gun in his hand, ready to kill the dealer living near them and save Clarke. Except Clarke wasn’t there, and Finn, mad as hell, pressed the gun’s trigger.  
He killed six people that night, because he thought they had taken Clarke. Except Clarke showed up ten minutes later. They all had gone livid. Clarke was quick to explain she had been caught up in an OR after telling people she was going home, that’s why the person they had had on the phone had told them she had already left.

Raven shivered at the souvenirs rushing into her mind. She remembered the look on Clarke’s face when she saw the massacre Finn had done. They had managed to cover their traces to the police, making the killings look like a gang fight, but nobody ever forgot.  
Raven knew something broke inside Finn, that night. She knew something broke inside Clarke too, because she never looked at Finn the same way anymore.

Raven sighed, and tried to concentrate about what the others were talking about before spending the whole Sunday with them, lying on the couch and telling silly stuff, waiting for some news from Clarke.

* * *

 

_(Lover’s eyes – Mumford and sons)_

The next day, as Lexa was getting ready to go to work, she suddenly saw something she wasn’t expecting to see; a certain blonde and her boy, sitting in the little kiosk, buried in blankets. Her heart began to beat faster and faster in her chest. What was happening to her? She couldn’t care about them. She just had to turn her eyes of the window and act like she hadn’t seen anything. They were not her problem. Just because Clarke had said yes to a coffee the day before didn’t mean she wanted her to help them. She sat on her bed, her mind playing ping-pong with what she should do. And five seconds later, her decision was made. She jumped out of her bed, took a big pull-over from her dressing, and headed toward the front door.

 In the park, Lexa was looking for the kiosk she could see from her bedroom’s window. Finally, she found it. Ayden and his mother were still there, and Lexa could see them shivering every time the wind blew inside. Lexa wasn’t sure how to do this, but she couldn’t stay here, doing nothing for them. But luck was with her, because the little boy seemed to recognize her.

“Look mommy, she’s back, Yexa!”

Clarke looked up to see who her son was talking about. Recognition flashed in her eyes, but was quickly replaced by defiance and suspicion.

“What are you doing here?” She asked.

“I, ahem... It’s really freezing out there, and I saw you and... I brought a sweater. For Ayden”, said Lexa, not knowing how the blonde was going to react.

Lexa saw she was going to refuse, but then again, luck was with her. Ayden looked up at Lexa with wonder in his eyes.

“This is for me?” He asked with a shy voice.

“Yeah”, said Lexa with a smile, “if you want it. It doesn’t fit me anymore.”

Ayden was ready to take the gift, but looked at his mother first for approbation. Clarke couldn’t say no to him now, and helped him to put it on.

“How do I look?” Asked Ayden, very satisfied about the warm sweater he just got.

“You’re great, honey”, said the blonde, smiling gently to him.

It would be a lie to say that Lexa’s heart wasn’t melting right now. God, how bad she wanted to embrace the two of them and bring them back to her flat, her warm and cosy flat. But she knew she couldn’t do that, of course. She was lucky enough that the blonde accepted the sweater for Ayden.

“Thank you”, said Clarke, in a tone implying she was saying goodbye and Lexa had to go.

Lexa just nodded.

“Ahem... Do you still have my number?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah, look, I kept it!” Smiled Ayden, pulling the card Lexa gave her mother a few days ago from one of his pockets.

“Good”, responded Lexa, looking at Ayden. “You can call me anytime, okay?”

“I will!” He said a big smile in her face. “Mommy, could we call her?” He asked Clarke.

Lexa swore she just saw the blonde blush.

“We’ll see, Ayden. Let her go, now. She surely has a job to go to.”

Lexa took this as her clue to leave, even if she didn’t want to, but she walked away from the both of them nevertheless.  _She still has my number. But she hasn’t called yet,_ Lexa thought. But less a second after, she was mentally face-palming herself. They were homeless. Maybe Clarke didn’t have a cell phone. _What an idiot I am sometimes._ She shook her head, and quickened her pace to head to her office. It was Monday, and her schedule was always overloaded with things to do and meetings to attend to. She was the biggest CEO living on Earth, after all. She didn’t have time for strangers. She didn’t have time to care. So why was she beginning to do so?

 Clarke watched Lexa walk away once again. This woman intrigued her. Clarke had a really strong feeling of déjà-vu; she was a hundred percent sure she already had seen this face, but where? Who was this very good-looking brunette who was paying attention to them?

 Decidedly, many questions were remaining unanswered on this Monday of December.


	5. Sandwiches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people, here is chapter 5! I would like to thanks all of you guys for reading me and sending me reviews, I appreciate it a lot :) if there is french people around, you can obviously send me a review in French! Enjoy!

_Song : Hear your heart – James Bay_

 

 

Tuesday morning, and Lexa was leaving her loft, heading to her office. It was freezing again, but it wasn’t a snowy day. She thought about taking a cab, but she decided a walk would make her some good after all. Well, if she was completely honest with herself, she just wanted to cross path with Clarke and Ayden again. She sighed when she didn’t see them in the park, and quickened her pace to avoid being late. Lexa hated being late; she was never late.

When she entered her office, she immediately rolled her eyes, seeing who was already there, waiting for her.

“Good morning, Heda”, he started.  

“Titus. What do you want?”

“Your meeting agenda is here”, Titus said, pointing toward a bunch of papers on her desk. “Gustus says you were not in his car this morning, once again.”

Lexa was starting to be fed up with this matter.

“We already talked about it. I don’t want a private driver. Give Gustus to someone else.”

Titus said nothing, but Lexa knew he wasn’t going to drop the thing. She sighed when he left, and sat on her chair, looking through the papers on her desk.  
Morning was soon over, and Lexa left her office to go grab some sandwiches at the little food truck next to the building for lunch.

 

Lexa was working very hard to have a fit and healthy body, but she only had one weakness; the sandwiches from Niylah’s food truck. God, those things were amazing, and Lexa couldn’t resist them. She headed towards the truck, but suddenly she saw Titus going out of the building. She quickly hid behind someone reading the newspaper. She didn’t want Titus to see her; he would probably tell her she should ask for someone to go grab lunch for her. Lexa wasn’t a baby, and she hated having to ask people to do things for her, especially bringing her lunch, coffee or anything. Yeah, she knew she was an important person, but she hated having little slaves around her, making everything for her instead of doing it herself. She had to admit it was quite practical sometimes, because she really had a lot of work to do, and sometimes she couldn’t handle everything alone, but she was really trying to do everything on her own, and ask for as little help as possible.

Lexa hadn’t had an easy childhood; she was born from very poor parents, who had both died in a car accident when she was four. After that tragedy, her mother’s sister took her in, and tried to educate her alongside Anya, her cousin, eight years older than her.  
Then, her uncle and aunt died too, when she was fourteen and Anya twenty-too, from a weird illness which had stroke the whole city. Lexa had been sick too, but she had somewhat survived the sickness.  
Anya continued to raise Lexa. The older girl was working on a big company called “Trikru”, and when Lexa turned eighteen, they discovered Lexa had inherited a big fortune and a lot of companies, which was belonging to a man whose life had been saved by Lexa a few years ago. This man was dead now, and before dying, he had given all his properties to Lexa. So, Lexa became CEO at the young age of eighteen, the youngest CEO who ever lived.

And Lexa now knew she had made a great job, because the big company she had created in assembling twelve separate ones into an only company was leading on first position. She knew it was her destiny, and that this was her duty. But when she first started as CEO, leading this company had been hard as hell.

From the start, Lexa wanted to be different than every other CEO. She wanted to do well, to fix things, to make things change, and she didn’t want to stand there and make money on the back of people. She didn’t care about money.  
In the city, people were starting to call her “commander”, and “Heda”, which meant commander in a foreign language she was speaking. She was glad for the respect people were giving her, but she always was uncomfortable when she was talking to strangers, because she knew that when she would say her name, they would start to act differently. Lexa hated that. People were never themselves with her, and she couldn’t truly be herself either. Except with Anya, but that’s because she had grown up with her. Anya was showing Lexa big respect when they were with people, like any other people would do, but in private, Anya was still treating her like a fifteen year old teenager, and Lexa obviously wasn’t fifteen anymore. She was twenty-three now, but there were some days she was feeling so much older than that.

Lexa waited a little longer behind the man; just to be sure Titus was gone. She went to the food truck, and start reading the menu to choose what she was going to eat before telling Niylah.

 

She had met Niylah on her first week into the company. She was outside the building, taking a quick break to breathe because everything was overwhelming, and Niylah was there, opening her truck for the first time. The two women had spoken a little, and by the end of the discussion, the two of them were friends. Since that day, Lexa was coming at least once a week, to speak and eat with her friend. Niylah never looked at Lexa like she was the most famous CEO on the planet. Nah, Niylah was treating Lexa like she was any of her others customers. And Lexa was glad and thankful about it.

Now, Lexa had chosen her sandwich and told Niylah what her order was. She settled at one of the table, waiting for her food.

She was reading Grounders of Polis, the City’s first newspaper. That newspaper was one of her twelve companies, but she wasn’t interfering in its life; she didn’t know anything about journalist yet, and right now she only owned it.  
She was reading the news, when she heard a voice she was beginning to know very well.

“Mommy look, there is Lexa over here! Can we go sit with her while we eat?”

Lexa looked up to see Ayden and Clarke, sandwiches in their hands. Ayden began to make his way to Lexa, but Clarke wasn’t moving. Lexa figured she didn’t want to bother her, so she held her hand in the air and waved at the two, showing Clarke they could come and sit with her. Clarke finally smiled, and came in her direction. When she was near her, Lexa noticed Clarke wasn’t that well. She probably had a cold, because she was occasionally sniffing, and her eyes were red from tiredness. _Probably because she is sleeping on the streets in the cold every night too,_ Lexa thought.

“Hey Yexa, you too you come here to have a very good sandwich?” Ayden asked with excitation in his eyes.

“Yes, I think this girl over there”, she said pointing at Niylah, “makes the best sandwiches in the entire city.”

“That is very true!” Ayden smiled, taking a seat right next to Lexa, biting in is sandwich with a tiny moan.

Lexa’s heart bumped into her chest when Ayden was settling next to her without thinking twice about it. Clarke was stunned too; Ayden had always been very careful with strangers, shy most of the time, and he wasn’t even fully trusting Octavia, Bellamy and Raven yet, people who used to be around him a lot. Seeing that her son was very ok to be near Lexa, Clarke didn’t take long to sit in front of her.

“Yeah”, Clarke said smiling at Ayden, who had some mustard on his face, “Niylah really does make the best sandwiches”.

Lexa’s eyes widened when she heard Clarke say the name of her friend, but didn’t have time to ask questions because Niylah brought her sandwich, cutting her questions off.

“Here you go, Lexa”, Niylah smiled at her, and then she noticed Clarke and Ayden sitting with her. “Oh, I didn’t know you two knew each other!” Niylah said, a little bit confused.

“Hm actually we don’t really do, but wait, you know Lexa?” Clarke asked.

“You know Clarke?” Lexa said at the same time.

Ayden burst into laughter, and was soon joined by the three other girls.

“Well”, Niylah said once their laughs were dead, “Lexa was my very first costumer. She ate the first sandwich I made in this truck. And Clarke and Ayden are all my best clients, which is how I know every one of you!”

Lexa smiled, and Clarke did too. Niylah didn’t ask how Lexa and Clarke knew each other, because she didn’t know if they had met before Clarke was homeless or after, and she didn’t want to embarrass them. Niylah smiled at them, and didn’t miss the look Lexa was giving Clarke. Was it something going on between them?

Niylah get back in her truck to make more sandwiches. Her mind was busy figuring things out; Lea never talked about Clarke before, neither had Clarke. _How the hell do they know each other? I’m pretty sure Lexa has already fallen for the girl. She would have talked to me about it last week if she had met her,_ Niylah thought.  
Her problem was that she had kind of a crush for Clarke, and seeing the two other girls together was bothering her. She was sure Clarke was flirting with her when she was coming to the truck. Or maybe she was dreaming about it, and Clarke wasn’t flirting at all. She shook her head, and focused herself on what she was doing best: sandwiches.

 

At the table, Lexa was in a really good mood; Ayden was constantly making jokes, and she had the feeling that Clarke wasn’t as closed to her as before. She was laughing, and making jokes too. Lexa was glad she had the chance to see them another time. A phone rang, and Clarke took it out from her pocket, answering the call. _Well I guess she has a phone. She just doesn’t want to call me,_ Lexa thought, feeling a little sad about the idea.

“Ayden, we have to go now”, Clarke gently said, hanging up.

The little boy pouted, but didn’t say anything and got up without protesting. Clarke was about to say something, but suddenly she was coughing, like a lot, and Lexa seriously thought she was going to suffocate. But then Clarke’s cough calmed down, and she looked at Lexa apologetically.

“I’m sorry”, she said, “We have to go but um... It was cool seeing you again, Lexa”.

 _Did she use the words I said to her last time?_ Lexa thought. She was tempted to make a comment about that, but kept her mouth shut, because Clarke looked really tired right now. She also wanted to ask Clarke why she hadn’t called her yet, but then again she decided not to.

“Bye”, Lexa answered.

Ayden waved goodbye at her, and the minute after, they were gone. Lexa sighed, not ready to go back in her office yet. _God, this woman. How can she affect me like that?_ Lexa was already missing her and Ayden. She was feeling a little bit worried about Clarke though; she seemed quite sick, and Lexa knew it wasn’t going to fix itself if they were staying on the streets.

 

She threw her dishes, and went to talk to Niylah since no costumers were waiting for her.

“Hey Niylah. How are you doing?” Lexa said, smiling at the girl.

“Good”, the girl shrugged. “So um, you and Clarke?”

Lexa frowned, not expecting the question. “What? No, I barely know her”, Lexa was quick to answer.

Niylah nodded, not looking at Lexa, cleaning the counter.

“What is it, Niylah? I can see that something is bothering you.” Lexa asked. The girl was acting weird since she had seen Lexa and Clarke sit at the same table, and Lexa wanted to be sure.

“Nothing, I’m fine”, Niylah shrugged again.

But Lexa was not going to take that as an answer, and shot a glare at her friend.

“Fine”, the girl huffed in frustration, “I might like her.”

Lexa was taken aback by the words, and was about to say something, but Niylah started talking again.

“I have known them for a while now, and, I don’t know, I just like her! I think she is flirting with me when we see each other, and her kid, ugh her kid is so cute!”

Lexa nodded, suddenly not very happy about what she was hearing, but decided not to show it.

“Yeah, he certainly is”.

“Damn right, he’s like the cutest kid ever!” said Niylah, a smile on her face. “And I might want more, I just want to help them for... whatever”, she corrected herself.

Lexa had heard Niylah well, and she immediately understood that Niylah knew about Clarke’s situation. An unknown feeling was growing in her chest. If Niylah knew, Clarke had probably told her, and it meant Clarke trusted Niylah enough to tell her. Clearly, she trusted Niylah more than Lexa, because Clarke didn’t want to call Lexa. And that wasn’t pleasing her at all. _Am I seriously jealous right now?_ Lexa thought.

“You don’t have to go back to work?” Niylah asked after a while, seeing Lexa was lost in her thoughts.

“Yeah, I do”, Lexa said, being brought back to reality. “The sandwich was good as always Niylah, thank you. Bye, I’ll see you around”.

Lexa left to enter her building, trying not to think about Niylah being with Clarke and Ayden.  


	6. Some People Are Worth The Wait

**Okay so chapter 6!! I have to confess I'm in med school, so I updated fast this time, but it depends on the time I have left after my study time! Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!!**

* * *

 

_Song: Faraway Tree - Boatkeeper_

 

 

Wednesday morning and Lexa was in her conference room, talking about how they were going to make one of their companies grow more. The meeting had been going on for three hours now, and Lexa was beginning to be angry at the different chiefs of the companies. They never agreed with each other, and she always had to cut the meeting by taking decisions by force, without their agreement. They were old, way older than her, and they didn’t see the world as it was now; they were stuck with their ideas from the 80’, and if it was only Lexa’s decision to make, they would have all been fired a long time ago.

Fortunately, Titus was finding the meeting too long now too, and was eager to end this so he could talk with Lexa.

“A decision must be made, and we have no more time. Heda,” he said looking at Lexa, “what will be the final call about this?”

“Well”, she answered, “I think we should give Azgeda more time to correct their attitude and fully enter Coalition Corp. I will have a meeting with Nia White to discuss it further.”  
  


Protestations started in the room; Azgeda, a bank company, was one of the most powerful companies within the twelve Lexa owned, and they always were reticent with the idea of Azgeda being one of them, because they didn’t know what Nia White and her subjects were capable of. Well, they did know actually, and that was the reason she was terrorising them.   
Lexa clenched her teeth, thinking about the woman in top of Azgeda. Nia White, the biggest bitch on Earth. Lexa hated her so much, because of the way she was leading Azgeda, spilling fear upon her employees so they would work harder, but that was only one percent of the reason why she hated the woman. Lexa hated her and was dreaming about killing her every night because of what Nia White had done to her, and to the love of her life.

 Lexa shook her head and suppressed all those thoughts, because she couldn’t think about it without losing her mind or puking. She built her stone face once again to end the meeting.

“If Azgeda doesn’t want to behave, we will have to take drastic measures”, Lexa said, making everyone understand her decision was not to be discussed.   
 

They all nodded, understanding the message behind her tone, and left the room without saying anything else. They all had to admit Lexa was a great CEO, maybe the best one they have had so far, but because she was younger than them, they had sometimes trouble understand her way of seeing things. But she had proven herself in the very beginning, and they had decided to trust her to make the best choices. So far, she had done exactly that.

Lexa was exhausted, and sat on her chair; she didn’t have slept well the last two nights, thinking about a gorgeous woman and her child sleeping in the streets. She had wished she had the courage to ask Clarke for her phone number, just in case. _In case of what, I don’t know, but just to be safe._

“If I may ask Heda, why are you not giving Nia White the privileges she wants? Once she’ll have it, she’ll cooperate more willingly”, Titus suggested.  
  


Lexa clenched her teeth, pissed off by Titus.

“And make her company the first one on the market? Impossible. This is a literally a coalition I made, Titus, I can’t have a company being bigger than another. I must give everyone only what they really need, not more.” Lexa said.  
  


Titus tried to say something, but she didn’t let him.

“And if had to give her what she wants, I would have to give her my seat as Coalition corp.’s CEO, and Nia White to replace me is not what will make everything better.”  
  


Titus just nodded, and left the room, leaving Lexa alone. The girl took her head in her hands. She had so much to do, and sometimes, everything was too overwhelming. But it was her duty, she had the responsibility to lead them well, and make everything in her power to keep Coalition corp. united. Of course that was now complicated, because of Azgeda’s CEO.

Lexa sighed, and went back to her office to take care of things she had to take care of.

 

Work day was over, and Lexa tightened her scarf around her neck before heading outside. She was careful to stay hidden from Gustus’ eyes while she was holding her hand in the air, not wanting someone to be her private driver. Gustus was really cool, and was Lexa’s bodyguard when she had to go somewhere with a lot of people, but here, she didn’t want to make someone be her slave. A cab stopped near her, and when the driver brought his window down, Lexa let a small smile escaped from her lips. It was Lincoln, the guy from a few days ago, who had gotten her into an accident. Lexa hadn’t noticed back then, but she could now see he still had small cuts on her forehead. Lincoln’s eyes widened when he recognised her.

“I’m sorry Miss Woods, you probably don’t want to ride with me, I’m gonna go and let another cab pick you up”, he said, not wanting the famous Lexa Woods to yell at him.

“No it’s ok, you’ll do the job”, Lexa answered, and got onto the backseats.  
  


If Lincoln was very surprised, he didn’t say anything, and simply asked her where she wanted to go. Lexa was about to give him her address, but she suddenly decided otherwise. Instead, she told him to drive her to the little park where she had first seen Clarke and Ayden. Maybe they would be there today.

Lincoln nodded, and started to drive. Lexa noticed he had a picture on his dashboard; a thin but athletic woman with braided hairs, wearing a kind of war paint mask on her face. Lexa frowned, because she was recognising the design; it was what she had chosen for the people being in her secret unit inside the police station, led by Indra from Trikru Company, the same place Anya was working in. How could this slim girl be on that team? Indra didn’t talk to her about it. Well she had to admit she hadn’t seen Indra for a long time now, because the woman was always on secret missions, hiding herself with her team. Maybe this skinny girl was rookie, a new recruit.  
  


What was weird was the fact that Lincoln had a picture of her probably lover dressed in her units’ uniform, and people in this secret unit weren’t supposed to tell what they were really doing; their official job was police officer in an intervention team. Maybe Lincoln didn’t know why the girl was dressed like this, with a sword on her back.

Lexa couldn’t hold her curiosity much longer.

“Lincoln, who’s the girl on the picture?” she asked.

“That’s my girlfriend, Octavia”, he tenderly smiled, not taking his eyes off the road. He didn’t want to have a second accident with the Lexa Woods on board, did he. “She is the most stubborn person I know”.

“She looked like it”, confirmed Lexa. “Why is she wearing this war paint mask?”  
  


She saw Lincoln bit his lip. She understood he knew.   
Lincoln didn’t know what to say. He was aware people weren’t supposed to know about Octavia’s job. But Octavia entered the team at the age of almost seventeen, and when they had noticed the bruises and cuts on her she had had from training, she had had to tell everyone close to her what she was doing, because she was too young to be a real police officer and her friends wouldn’t have believe her if she had said so. Furthermore, Bellamy was working at the police station, so she could definitely not have lied about it.

“Lincoln”, Lexa said when she saw Lincoln was hesitating to answer her, “if you know the reason why she is dressed like this, you probably also know I created that unit, right?”

“I do”, he answered, and sighted slightly. “Octavia was recruited very young. Her mentor saw her fight in the streets once, trying to prove she wasn’t weak, and decided to teach her. That’s why I know what she is doing. She couldn’t be a cop because she was under eighteen, so she couldn’t lie to us and pretend she was a police officer. She had to tell us the truth”.  
  


Lexa nodded, accepting Lincoln’s explanation.

“Being on that unit saved her life”, Lincoln continued. “She was lost, and had the feeling she didn’t fit in anywhere, and she had a lot to prove. Now she’s right at her place”.

Lexa gently smiled, happy to hear her work had done some good to at least one person.

“You seem to have a great esteem of her”, Lexa stated.

“I do”, he nodded. “She wasn’t the happiest person on earth, when I first met her. Her and her friends had really rough times, but there was something about her, something I could not explain, and something which was dragging me to her since day one.” Lincoln paused for a second. “I saw she was special, right from the start. She was different from others, and I wanted to help her, in any way possible. And first, she didn’t trust me at all, but then, with time and patience, she opened herself to me. And I’m glad I stayed by her side, waiting for her to be ready. I did well. Some people are worth the wait, you know?”

Lexa had been carefully listening to Lincoln, believing every word he said. “Yeah, maybe”, she whispered, lost in her thoughts.  
  


Lincoln nodded to her with a tiny smile, and they didn’t talk more. Five minutes later, Lincoln was parking the taxi near the little park.

“Here you go!” he said, smiling to Lexa.

“Thank you Lincoln”, Lexa said, giving him too much money than needed.  
  


Lincoln took the money and counted it to give the rest back to Lexa, but a glare from her made him understand to keep it all.

“Thank you, Miss Woods. This is very generous”, he thanked her.

“You’re welcome. Thank for the discussion. And my name is Lexa”, she said, closing the door and smiling at the driver. “May we meet again”. He smiled back at her, and drove away.  
  


Lexa stayed a little longer on the sidewalk, watching Lincoln’s car vanishing, thinking about what Lincoln had said. _She was different from others, and I wanted to help her._ That was exactly what Lexa was thinking when she was thinking about Clarke.

 

Lexa entered the park, and began to walk, discretely looking around in search of two very specific people. Lexa’s heart jumped in her chest when she saw them. They were on the grass, lying on a blanket. Lexa didn’t know what to do; she didn’t want to impose her presence. But once again Ayden came to the rescue, and held in tiny hand in the air at the second he recognised Lexa.

“Yexa! Youhouhou! Do you see us? Come!” Ayden yelled, making people around laugh a little.  
  


A smile printed itself on Lexa’s face as she was making her way towards them, unsure first, but more convinced after Clarke had smiled back, slowly nodding her head to show her it was ok to come.

“Hello Lexa”, Clarke said, “how are you?”

“Yeah Yexa, are you ok?” Ayden echoed her mother. Both the women laughed, making him frown.

“Yeah, I’m fine”, Lexa answered quickly, not wanting to see Ayden upset, “What about you?”  
  


Ayden jumped on the occasion, and began to tell Lexa stories about how he and her mommy had played for so long today, what he had eaten for lunch and a lot of other things too.

But Lexa wasn’t focusing on what Ayden was saying at all; her eyes were glued on Clarke, who was paler than ever. Her eyes were glossy, and Lexa suspected she had fever. During Ayden’s monologue, she noticed how Clarke was trying not to cough too loudly, and how she was shivering. 

Now, Ayden had finished his monologue, and was looking expectantly at Lexa. _Shit. I didn’t listen to a single word the kid said._

“That is really cool Ayden”, she tried while biting her lip, hoping it would be the right answer.  
  


It apparently was, because the boy offered her the biggest smile she had even seen on his face. Clarke gently laughed at his facial expression, and gave him a ball to play with.

“Go play football now honey, you have to practice!” Clarke said, smiling at his son.  
  


Ayden willingly took the ball, and went a few meters away to play with another kid who was there. Clarke and Lexa followed the kid with their eyes, watching him for a few minutes before concentrate on one another.

“Clarke, are you ok?” Lexa asked, worried about the girl.

“Yeah”, Clarke shrugged, “I’m fine. It’s just a cold”. Of course Clarke knew it wasn’t just a cold, and she was feeling herself becoming weaker every day, but she was still hoping it would go away on its own.

“You don’t really seem fine to me”, Lexa said again. She knew she shouldn’t push, but she had to try everything she could to make the other girl see reason.

“Lexa I’m good. I’ll be healed tomorrow”.

“I could...” Lexa started, wanting to offer her help another time, but didn’t have time to finish her sentence.

“I can handle myself, ok?” Clarke cut her off.  
  


Lexa only nodded. She didn’t agree with the girl, but she knew she wouldn’t go further and didn’t want to make Clarke run away from her. She knew she was a stranger to Clarke, and she really wanted to gain the girl’s trust. For that, she had to take things slow with her. _Some people are worth the wait_ , she remembered Lincoln’s words. _. I’ll wait for you to trust me Clarke, I have time,_ she told herself.

It was getting late, and Lexa thought it would probably be better to leave them and head back home now.

“I am going to go now”, Lexa said.  
  


A flash of fear passed into Clarke’s eyes at the thought of Lexa leaving.

“I’m sorry Lexa, I didn’t want to be rude or anything, I...” Clarke began.

“It’s ok”, the brunette smiled to reassure her, “you weren’t rude”.  
  


Clarke smiled back and nodded. Lexa walked away after telling her goodbye, and Clarke was left alone with her thoughts.   
She wanted to accept the girl’s help, really she did, but something was still blocking her from doing it. _Remember Clarke. She just pities Ayden and you. She doesn’t like you. She just feels bad because you’re living in the streets_ , Clarke tried to persuade herself. _She’s a stranger, you don’t know her. What if she wants you harm?_ Of course Clarke didn’t believe a single thing she was thinking. She could see Lexa had good intentions, she could feel it. But that was too soon, and she couldn’t trust her yet.

  
But they were things she couldn’t deny. As Lexa waved goodbye at Ayden, still playing, Clarke saw the smile her son gave the brunette, and it made her heart ache.   
Those past few days, Ayden was only talking about Lexa, and he was really happy when she was around, even if it was only for an hour or so. Clarke could already see what impact Lexa was beginning to have upon them. Usually, Clarke wouldn’t have stayed in the same park two nights in a row. But she was secretly hoping to cross path with Lexa, which they had, every day since they first met her.  
  


Ayden was tired now and came back to her mother, burying himself into Clarke’s arms. She shivered, feeling the sickness spreading itself into her whole body. She knew she would have to do something about it soon if she didn’t want to be very ill and pass it to Ayden. But Clarke wasn’t ready to go home, not yet, it was too soon. She had to be sure the storm had passed and that it was safe for them to come back home. Actually, she didn’t even know if the house she was supposed to live in could be called home.

She wasn’t sure about anything, these days.


	7. Phone Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the chapter you were all waiting for !! Enjoy!

_Song : Skin and Bones by Stu Larson_

  
Tuesday 12 a.m., and Octavia and Bellamy were very worried, waiting for the others to come back from work. They had decided to have lunch with the others today, to see if any of them had news about Clarke and Ayden. John Murphy and Emori were there first. Bellamy nodded at Murphy when he came into his apartment, trying not to start a fight and act like civilized people.

Murphy never had been close to the rest of them, but he and the others had had a big argument, few years ago; John had been wrongly accused of killing Wells in the shooting where he had died. Murphy didn’t have anything to do with killing Clarke’s best friend, but everyone had believed it, and Bellamy had nearly executed Murphy, until Charlotte confessed she had done it. After that incident, Charlotte killed herself two days after by jumping out of the window.

Charlotte had been the youngest of their group, and had followed them after high school because she felt like she didn’t fit in the society, like all of them. She confessed she couldn’t live because of who Wells’ father was.   
Thelonius Jaha was a former police captain, and during his time, he had killed a lot of people, always pretending self-defense. Charlotte’s fathers were two of his victims. Her death affected the group a lot, making them feel guilty for not noticing Charlotte’s condition. Bellamy tried to blame Murphy for pushing Charlotte to commit suicide, and Clarke couldn’t stop blaming herself.

After that incident, Murphy had had a rough time forgiving the others for believing he was guilty, but then, they all crashed, and he made himself useful, following Clarke’s and Bellamy’s orders, trying to save her new girlfriend, Emori. Now, he was beginning to get along again with the others. He was even worried about Clarke. Even if he wasn’t her greatest fan, he was thankful for all of the things she had done for them, sometimes at the price of her own well-being.

Monty and Harper were the next ones coming into the apartment. Bellamy always found it funny how those two took such a long time to get together; Monty used to be always stuck with his best friend Jasper, after all. But then Jasper fell in love with Maya, and Monty got closer to Harper, ending dating. She was smart, Harper, and fearless too; she never hesitated to brave the danger to save someone or help the boys getting out of troubles.

When he thought about it more, Bellamy could say the girls in the group were all brave and strong. They didn’t get the chance to be one of those cliché girls, spending all of their time and money on shopping, having girls’ night and sleepovers every Saturdays to talk about boys. Nah, Octavia, Clarke, Raven and Harper had learned everything about life in the hardest way possible. But they had never given up, and were always fighting back.

Raven entered the tiny living-room and hugged Octavia, smiling at Bellamy. Few minutes later, everyone was there, and they started eating. Unfortunately none of them had heard from Clarke, and they spent dinner worrying. The doorbell rang, Octavia got up to open the door to Lincoln, her boyfriend.

“God Lincoln, why is there cuts on your forehead? Did you get into a fight?” Octavia asked, taking a look at the cuts which were almost cicatrized.

“Nah, I just had a little car accident last Saturday. Some jerk bumped into me, but I’m fine, it’s superficial.”  
  


Octavia frowned, not happy with his answer but let him sit without asking more questions.

“That’s what happen when you don’t see me for three days”, Octavia said, snapping gently his head.    
  


Lincoln rubbed his head, pretending her girlfriend had hurt him. No one believed him, naturally. After all, Lincoln was the strongest man in the group, seconded by Bellamy. Jasper and Monty were geeks so, no muscles, and John Murphy well, nobody really knew if he was able to fight back or not.   
Lincoln wasn’t really a member of their group in the way that he hadn’t gone to school with them, he hadn’t been on the plane when it crashed, he wasn’t sharing that part of their past.   
But Lincoln had helped them a lot, when they first came to live in Arcadia. The building was around a lot of drugs dealers’ hiding places, and the crime rate had been at its top when they all had moved in. Lincoln saved them a couple of time. He gained their trust while he was slowly but surely falling in love with one of the girls, Octavia. The others had first a lot of suspicions about him and his intentions, because they didn’t trust him. But one day, as Octavia was walking home alone, a group of guys had begun to prey on her, and if it wasn’t for Lincoln’ intervention, Octavia would have probably be reaped a couple of times and left to die. That day, Lincoln became one of them, by protecting her. That day, Octavia gave her entire trust to Lincoln, and even more.

“So Lincoln, I heard you were going to work as a private driver for Coalition Corp?” Jasper asked, serving the food.

“Yeah”, Lincoln sighed, “I’m not so sure about that now. Their CEO was in my car when this guy bumped into me, but...”

“What? Don’t tell me you killed the beautiful Lexa Sexy Woods Lincoln. I’m gonna be really mad at you”, said Raven.

“I didn’t kill her, alright? Let me finish the story!” said Lincoln, raising a brow at Raven.

“Fine”, the girl huffed.

“So she didn’t seem to like me, but yesterday she was back in my cab again, and we actually talk a little, like we were some kind of friends, so maybe hope isn’t completely lost after all”.    
  


Octavia put an arm around his shoulders.

“That’s cool to hear. Maybe she’ll see your CV and remember you”.  
  


Lincoln nodded, and asked the group the question they were all trying to forget; if they had news from Clarke and little Ayden. No one had heard anything. Like the rest of them, he spent his evening worrying.   
  


* * *

 

 

Lexa walked out her office to go to her meeting room. Today, some commercials were coming to discuss the profits the companies, and see where progress was needed.

On the elevator, her phone began to ring into her pocket. Lexa first ignored it, thinking it was probably Titus telling she was late, wanting to remind her that she had a meeting. Lexa wasn’t that type of person, she never forgot a meeting; her head was like a virtual agenda.   
Lexa frowned when her phone rang for the third time. Titus would already have stopped calling her after the first two times. She took her phone from her pocket, her professional one. Nothing on the screen. She frowned even more, and took out her personal one. Three missed calls, from an unknown number. Who could it be? A very few people had her personal number, and they were all registered. She didn’t have time to think about it more though, because the phone started to ring for the fourth time in the past five minutes. She got out of the elevator, and answered it.

“Hello? “

“Yexa?” someone said with a tiny voice.  
  


Lexa’s eyes widened at the recognition of the voice.

“Ayden?”

“Yeah it’s me! Do you remember me?”  
  


Lexa was taken aback by the little voice. Ayden was calling her. The little boy and his homeless mother were calling her. And they had done so four times. She was starting to feel like something was wrong.

“Yeah, of course I remember you Ayden. Are you ok?”

“I don’t know, hum, I’m just cold, but Mommy, she... Mommy is...”  
  


He began to sniff, and Lexa was suddenly very worried, eager to get out of that elevator.

“Ayden, breathe. What’s going on?”

“It’s mommy, she doesn’t want to wake up”, he sniffed a little more.  
  


Lexa was hearing his stressed voice, and she could swear he was trying to be brave and not to cry.

“Maybe she doesn’t want to get up now?” Lexa said, trying to calm the little boy.

“No, you don’t understand”, he said with a teary voice, “she doesn’t move much, and her lips are blue.  She coughs a lot, I think Mommy is very sick Yexa, what do I do?“  
  


His voice broke, and Lexa didn’t have troubles believing him; the next time she had seen Clarke, the girl was already looking sick. But right now, she had to do something; there were a five year old kid alone in the streets with his sick mother who wasn’t going to be better if she wasn’t going to do anything about it. 

“Ok”, said Lexa, rushing out of the corridor to get her coat in her office, ready to go get them. “Where are you Ayden?”

“I don’t know...”  
  


He was crying harder now, and Lexa was trying her best to keep him from panicking.

“Ayden, listen to me. You did well by calling me. Now, I’m gonna come and get the two of you, alright?”  
  


She heard Ayden nod in the phone.

“Can you describe me where you are? What can you see around you?”  
  


Lexa knew well the city, because when she was younger she used to walk on the streets for hours, and right now she was hoping it would help her to find the Clarke and Ayden.

“Yes. Hum, there are a lot of trees and a fountain just next to us”, he began.

“A fountain? How is it?”  
  


Meanwhile Ayden was trying his best to describe his surroundings, Lexa sent a text to Gustus, telling him to wait for her outside.

“There is a statue on top of it, it’s a guy and a sword.”  
  


_The commander’s statue,_ Lexa thought.

“Ok Ayden I know where you are, stay calm, alright? I’m coming.”

“Please be quick, Mommy needs you Yexa.” He was now begging, and Lexa could hear his broken voice.

“Stay on the phone with me, I’m going to be here soon.”

“Okay.”  
  


Lexa almost jumped into Gustus’ car, telling him where she wanted to go. If he was surprised about her destination, he didn’t say a word. During the trip, Lexa stayed on the phone with Ayden, telling him how far she was to him, and promising him she was on her way.

Ten minutes later, Lexa was back in the park next to her loft where she saw the blonde and her son for the first time. She took no time to find them; Ayden was curved in a ball, crying next to her mother. Lexa gasped when she saw her; her skin was nearly as pale as the snow.

“Yexa!” Said Ayden, getting on his feet, tear streams down his face.

“Hello Ayden, don’t cry, I’m here now.”  
  


She sat next to the woman, trying to get her to open her eyes. Lexa shivered when she touched the girl; she was cold as hell.

“Clarke? It’s Lexa. Can you hear me? Open your eyes.”  
  


Clarke moved slightly, trying to speak.

“Ayden...” she whispered, just loud enough for only Lexa to hear.

“He is ok”, Lexa said, “He is right here”.

“I told him not to call you”, she murmured, having a hard time keeping her eyes open, “I don’t want us to bother you...”

“Clarke. You’re not well, let me do something”, Lexa almost begged. She put both her arms on Clarke’s face to warm her a little with her touch.   
 

Clarke looked away. She wanted to say no, she didn’t want this woman’s charity, but she was so cold, God how cold she was, and Lexa’s hands on her cheeks were so warm...

“Clarke, please. For Ayden”, Lexa gently insisted.  
  


A single tear rolled onto Clarke’s cheeks, and she weakly nodded. She knew she had to let someone help them. Ayden couldn’t stay on the streets while she couldn’t look after him.

“Good”, approved Lexa, “I’m going to take you to the hospital”.  
  


Clarke’s eyes suddenly widened and she reached for Lexa’s arm. Her mother was working there. All of her formers co-workers were working there.  
  


“No Lexa please, no hospital”, she implored, whispering. “No hospital”. She coughed a lot, having troubles finishing her sentence.  
  


Lexa raised a brow, surprised by Clarke’s behaviour, and put a hand in her back to help her get rid of the cough.

“Ok, no hospital. But I’m going to take both of you at my place.”  
  


Clarke sighed, but she didn’t protest when Lexa put her arms around her to help her up, supporting most of her weight.

The brunette was glad Gustus had followed her when she jumped off of his car without being asked to, she gave him her keys and told him to grab the bags around Clarke and carry them into her loft. Ayden was still sniffing, and Clarke had difficulties to stay awake.

Once in the apartment, Lexa thanked Gustus and asked him to call Anya for her before sending him away, while she was laying Clarke on her couch. Ayden was staying close to her, not leaving Lexa’s side. Lexa took off Clarke’s coat from her, because it was completely soaked. _I don’t know how she is still alive_ , thought Lexa. Clarke unconsciously leaned on Lexa, half-sleeping. Lexa began to rub her hands up and down Clarke’s cold arms, under Ayden’s worried eyes.

“Mommy, you’re ok?” the little boy asked, tears in his eyes when he didn’t hear her mother’s answer.  
  


Lexa grabbed a blanket from under the couch and wrapped Clarke into it, until Anya was there to help her. She noticed Ayden’s lips shaking, and was quick to reassure him. The last thing she wanted was to see him cry.

“She is very tired Ayden, that is why she doesn’t answer to you. She’ll be better in a few hours, okay?”  
  


The boy nodded, believing Lexa’s words.

 

A few minutes later, Anya was making her way into Lexa’s flat.

“Lexa what the...” she stopped herself seeing the little boy.  
  


Lexa didn’t even look at her cousin, and kept rubbing Clarke’s arms with both of her hands.

“Who is she?” Asked Anya, completely confused by the situation.  
  


There was a woman and her child in Lexa’s loft. Since Costia, she hadn’t brought someone here again, and it was almost a year. _Who the fuck were they?_ The older girl noticed how the blonde looked sick, and understood it was probably the reason why she was laying on Lexa’s couch.

“It’s Clarke, Ayden’s mother. I’ll explain later,” Lexa responded, “Could you make lunch for Ayden please? “  
  


Anya raised a brow at her cousin.

“Ayden, go with Anya while I help your mother feeling better, okay?”  
  


Lexa was focused on Clarke, so she didn’t see the sad look on Ayden’s face, and the fear he was feeling to be ordered to go with a stranger. But he knew Lexa would help her mommy, so he didn’t protest.

Anya sighed, and told Ayden to follow her into the kitchen.


	8. Are You Gonna Hit My Mommy Too?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so chapter 8 is here! I'd like to thank everyone of you for reviewing and reading this story, you're the reason I keep writing! Enjoy!

_Song : Bayou by Mountains Of The World_

 

Anya took Ayden by the hand, and they both went into the kitchen.

Once they had both disappeared from the living room, Lexa took a better look at the blonde. God, she was such in a bad shape.

“Clarke”, she called her, trying to get her attention, “You need to get warmer” she said worried.  
  


But Clarke didn’t respond, and began to shiver more. Lexa’s mind was racing; she wasn’t a doctor, she didn’t know what do to. Should she cover her up with blankets? Should she give her medicine? Maybe a warm bath. Yeah, a warm bath was a great idea.

“Clarke“, Lexa shook her a little.  
  


Clarke started to protest faintly, whining, but stopped when Lexa put both of her arms around her, trying to calm her down, and Lexa’s eyes widened when Clarke tried to snuggle closer to her.

“I’m gonna put you in a warm bath, okay?” Lexa tried again.  
  


The blonde didn’t react, and let Lexa put her closer to help her get to the bathroom. Seeing Clarke wasn’t going to help herself, the brunette put her arms under Clarke’s knees to support her weight and carry her to the bathroom. Clarke’s body was very cold, and her lips were blue. Lexa could feel her shaking against her own body.

“Hang on Clarke, you gonna be better soon”, Lexa whispered near Clarke’s ear while she was walking towards the bathroom, “Just stay awake for a little while longer”.  
  


Lexa was afraid Clarke would black out from the sickness, but luckily she didn’t. She sat Clarke on a chair before turning the tap to run a bath for the frozen woman.

“I’m going to take your clothes off”, Lexa warned, testing Clarke’s reaction. She went to took Clarke’s sweater off, but the girl opened her eyes a little, making Lexa stop.  

“That is all the game you have? Using a bath as an excuse?” Clarke asked, whispering.  
  


Lexa frowned, not understanding.

“You said you were gonna take my clothes off”, the blonde explained, still half-asleep.  
  


Lexa lightly smiled, happy the girl was able to joke. She helped Clarke get up, and she noticed how much the girl seemed dizzy. She slowly began to take off Clarke’s clothes, leaving her in panties and top. Lexa didn’t want to embarrass her, but she knew she wasn’t able to protest now. Clarke did try to do it on her own of course, but she had to let Lexa help her because her head was spinning like hell.   
The brunette put her hand on Clarke’s forehead, frowning when she felt how hot Clarke was. Hot because of the fever she had, of course. Even though Clarke didn’t need a fever to be hot. _Damn it Lexa get your shit together, she’s sick._

Lexa almost had to carry Clarke into the bathtub, because Clarke wasn’t doing a thing to help herself anymore. Lexa felt relieved when the blonde started to shiver less, and letting herself be held by Lexa in the warm water, with Lexa’s strong arms keeping her from drowning.

“Are you comfortable, Clarke?” Lexa asked.  
  


Clarke hummed. She was already starting to feel better, but her head was pumping, and she felt like something was rubbing against her throat, irritating it. She wasn’t that cold anymore, and with Lexa holding her, she was capable of thinking some things straight. Ayden and her were in Lexa’s house. They were into the apartment of a girl they had seen like three times. It should have make Clarke worried, but she was not. Right now, she was just tired. Very, very tired, too tired to fight Lexa’s attempts to help her. Maybe that girl really wanted to help them.

Half an hour later, Lexa noticed that the water was beginning to turn cold.

“Clarke”, she said in shaking her gently to wake her up, “you should get out of the water now”.  
  


The blonde didn’t say anything, and barely felt Lexa carrying her out of the bathtub. Lexa quickly wrapped her in a towel, and kept Clarke against herself to steady her.

Sitting in the bathroom with a half-unconscious Clarke on her lap, Lexa didn’t know what to do next. The only thing she knew was that Clarke couldn’t stay in her soaked underwear. Soaked with water obviously, not that Lexa was thinking about another reason why Clarke’s underwear could be soaked. _Shut the fuck off Lexa._

Lexa put her arms under Clarke’s knees for the second time, and carried her to her bedroom. She carefully laid Clarke on her bed, and quickly went to her dressing to pick clean clothes for her to wear.

“Come on Clarke”, she said trying to awake the girl, “you need to change or you’re gonna be sicker than you already are”.  
  


Clarke whined, but with Lexa’s help, she changed herself into Lexa’s comfortable clothes. Lexa pulled out the covers, made Clarke lie on the bed and brought the covers up to the girl’s chin. Lexa quickly went back into her bathroom, grabbed medications and made Clarke swallow them. A few minutes after, Clarke seemed to be asleep, and Lexa sighed, exhausted but glad the blonde had finally stopped fighting her and had accepted her help.

Just when she was about to go, Lexa felt something tugging at her hand. She looked back, intrigued, and her heart stopped. Big blue eyes were looking right at her, glowing because of the fever, but Lexa swore she could see tears menacing to fall down on the blonde’s eyes.

“Lexa....” Clarke whispered.  
  


Lexa sat down on the edge of the bed, bringing herself closer to the girl, a questioning look on her face.

“I am sorry to bother you”, Clarke said with the tiniest voice possible, “and I don’t want to bother you”.  
  


Lexa frowned, and put her fresh hand against Clarke’s cheek.

“You’re not bothering me. I offered. Clarke you need help right now. You’re not going to be better if you don’t do anything. Let me help you.”  
  


Clarke slowly nodded, and Lexa saw the single tear rolling down her face.

“Now, sleep, okay?”  
  


 Clarke closed her eyes. Lexa stayed a few more minutes with her, drawing small circles with her finger on the back of Clarke’s hand. Once she was sure the other girl was asleep, Lexa carefully got out of her bedroom, and headed towards the living-room. 

 

When she came into her living-room, she found Anya and Ayden sitting on the couch, away from each other. Lexa noticed the pout on Ayden’s face and his sad eyes, his arms crossed on his chest. She looked at Anya questionably, suspecting her older cousin to be the reason for Ayden’s bad mood.

“Ayden what’s wrong?” Lexa gently asked, getting closer to him.

“I am not hungry, and I don’t like omelette”, he said with a teary voice without looking at her.  
  


Lexa’s heart almost broke in hearing his voice. She knew he was probably very worried about her mother, and seeing Anya, a perfect stranger, couldn’t reassure him. She saw Anya rolling her eyes behind him.

“Thank you Anya, you can go now”, Lexa said.  
  


She saw Anya ready to protest and demand an explanation, so she cut her off:

“I’ll explain everything Anya I promise. Just, not right now, okay? I’ll call you, I promise.”  
  


Anya seemed to understand, because she just nodded, took her coat and her car’s keys and went out of the loft.

Anya got into her car, not believing what was going on. There were a woman and her child in Lexa’s apartment. She knew she had said it to herself already, but _why on fucking earth were there this two people into Lexa’s loft?_ She sighed, and started her car, remembering Lexa had promised to call her soon.

 

Once Anya gone, Ayden couldn’t hold back his tears any longer and started to cry. Lexa frowned. She didn’t know how to handle a five years old kid crying.

“Yexa is mommy dead?” He asked, crying in his sleeves.  
  


Lexa rushed to kneel next to him and take the kid in her arms without thinking, by instinct, and Ayden put his arms around her neck, sobbing.

“Oh no, Ayden, no she’s not dead, look!”  
  


She got up, picked up the crying boy and carried him in her arms to go to her bedroom, pointing a finger toward his sleeping mother.

“See? She’s very much alive; she just needs to sleep under a real blanket to get warmer. You understand? “She whispered, not wanting to wake up his mother.  
  


Ayden nodded and rested his head against Lexa’ shoulder, tightening his grip on her neck. Her heart melted once again. How could she already feel that? Her heart was usually as cold as stone, and she had sworn to herself not to care about anyone almost a year ago.

“So, are you really not hungry?” Lexa asked.

“I am, he confessed shyly, but I didn’t want to stay with the other girl. She scares me. I wanted to stay with you and mommy, but you were gone and I was not hungry anymore.”  
  


Lexa couldn’t help herself and brought the boy closer to her, stroking his hair to soothe him.

“So, how about this omelette now?”

Ayden nodded with a shy smile, letting Lexa sit him on a chair and put a plate with food in front of him. He politely waited until Lexa also had a plate, and he ate his meal in less than five minutes. Lexa couldn’t help but laugh when he looked at her, pleading with his eyes to have more.

Thirty minutes later, they had finished eating, and Ayden had even helped Lexa clean the dishes.

“Do you want to watch something on TV?” Lexa asked, “I’m just going to see if your mom doesn’t need anything, and I’ll be back.”  
  


Ayden nodded, a bit afraid of being left alone in the living room, but Lexa didn’t notice and turned on the TV before heading to her bedroom where Clarke was. The girl was moaning random words, but Lexa was glad to see that the fever was already starting to go away. She woke up Clarke just enough to make her swallow a glass of water, and Clarke drift back to sleep immediately.

When Lexa came back in the living room, Ayden had his face buried in the pillows, not looking at the TV anymore. Lexa frowned, and noticed the boy was shivering a little. She quickly went to her dressing, and took a sweater and sport shorts, bringing them back to Ayden.

“Ayden, would you like to change into clean clothes?” Lexa asked running her hand down and up his back, “I don’t have clothes your size but I do have some things which will do the job”.    
  


Ayden weakly smiled at her and nodded. Lexa noticed the boy had his eyes red probably from crying. He let Lexa dress him when she sat next to him, and to Lexa’s surprise, he snuggled closer to her when he was dressed up.

“Thank you for saving my mommy”, he said in a tiny voice.

“You’re welcome”, she smiled to him.    
  


Ayden suddenly buried his face in Lexa’s chest, and Lexa could soon feel tears soaking her shirt. The boy was shaking.

“Ayden? Are you ok?”  
  


Ayden looked up at her with teary eyes.

“Are you going to hit my mommy too? Or are you going to protect us?” He asked, his voice broken.  
  


Lexa’s eyes widened and she sat properly to be able to look the kid eyes to eyes. _What did he just say?_

“What? No Ayden, I don’t want you no harm, I’m not going to hurt your mommy, why do you say that?”

“Because he does”, the boy responded, sniffing. “Sometimes he hit mommy when he is angry.”  
  


“Who, Ayden? Who does this?” Lexa was having trouble breathing. _Who could possibly hurt someone such as Clarke?_

“Finn”, he shrugged. “Mommy says he is my father, but I know he is not. Fathers are kind, and lovely. Finn is not kind”.  
  


Lexa didn’t know what to say and was completely taken aback by what Ayden was saying. She wasn’t expecting to hear that at all, but she was slowly starting to understand.

“Ayden, is that why you and your mommy are always outside, in the streets?”

She didn’t want to tell the kid he was homeless, because it was a very strong world for a little boy, but she needed to know the truth to be able to help them as much as she could.

“Yes”, he said almost whispering. “Mommy says we have to wait until he is not mad anymore. But I know she doesn’t want to go back. Finn is mean. I don’t like him, and I don’t like when he hits mommy and makes her cry. “  
  


His bottom lip began to shake again, and Lexa hold him close in her arms, trying to hush his cries.

“You’re ok Ayden, Finn is not here, he can’t hurt you, it’s ok. You’re safe. You’re ok. “  
  


Lexa let the little boy cry, and she understood all too well the pain he was bearing on his little shoulders. He was too young to already know things like that, he didn’t deserve this. When Lexa thought he was sleeping, he spoke again.

“You’ll protect us?” He asked with a sleepy voice, still sniffing.

“Yes. I’ll try my best”, Lexa answered.  
  


And she knew it wasn’t anything what Ayden was asking; she knew it had a real meaning, for her as for Ayden. _Please someone help us._ And at this very moment, she took the biggest decision of her life. She was going to give her life for them. She didn’t even know them, but she had heard enough; no one would ever touch them without their consent, and she was going to do anything in her power to help them.

“You have to promise, Yexa”, he yawned.

“I promise”, she whispered back, “I promise.”  
  


Ayden nodded, and snuggled impossibly closer to her after that, not letting go of Lexa, his nose buried in her neck and his tiny arms wrapped all around her. Lexa put a cover on top of the both of them, and kept a hand on his hair and the other on his back, rubbing small circles to make him feel safe; Anya used to do that with her, when she felt like she couldn’t breathe and everything was too much. And it seemed to work on Ayden too, because soon he was sleeping on top of Lexa, snoring a little.

Lexa took a moment to look at the kid. Lexa had known from the start that there was something about them, and now, she was figuring why. Clarke wasn’t on the streets because she didn’t have enough money or a proper job. She was on the streets because she had chosen to. She had chosen to sleep outside, even if it was December and it was snowing half the time. And if she had chosen to be homeless rather than staying at home with that Finn guy in order to protect herself and Ayden from him, then it was something bad. Something really bad, and Lexa couldn’t help the bad feeling which was rising in her chest.


	9. Not Ordinary People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is chapter 9! Enjoy mates, and thank you for reading and supporting me, it means a lot !

_Song : Save Yourself by Kaleo_

 

Lexa woke up hearing her phone ring in her pocket. She didn’t know she had fallen asleep, listening to Ayden’s breathing. She cautiously took her phone out of her pocket, trying not to wake the little boy still sleeping on her chest, and gasped when she saw the clock. 6 p.m. She had napped for half the afternoon. She carefully removed the boy from her and placed him on the couch, getting up to pick up the phone, already sighing about the name of her caller.

“Yes, Titus.”

“Heda? Where are you?” she heard Titus’s annoying voice in the phone, “You missed the meeting with Azgeda’s CEO, Nia White.”  


In the kitchen, Lexa cursed herself. She had just missed the most important meeting in her week. And she knew Nia. That bitch wasn’t going to let it go, and Lexa knew how bad this devil woman wanted her position.

“I had something to take care of.” She didn’t want to explain her reasons to Titus; she didn’t need him to remember her she had duties and her people in the company were first. She knew that all too well.

“Heda, may I tell you it is not wise to make Miss White wait,” he began, “she...”

“I know, Titus. But Azgeda is still under my control. She’ll wait another day.”  


Lexa took a look at Ayden, who was beginning to wake up, rubbing his nose against her chest. She knew she probably should get back to her office to fix things with Nia White, but she couldn’t leave them alone. She sighed, taking her decision.

“I won’t be back for the day, Titus. Say I wasn’t feeling well”, she said.  

“Heda, you didn’t take a day off since...”

“I know,” she cut him off.  


She heard Titus sigh, and when she saw Ayden stirring and frowning, she decided to end the phone call.

“I may not be back tomorrow either, Titus. Send me the papers I have to read. Call me if there is anything important. Otherwise, don’t.”

“But Heda, what about...”

“I will take care of Nia later. If she is making a scene, call me and I will handle her. Bye, Titus.”  


She hung up, and noticed a half-awake Ayden looking at her with tiny brown eyes. Lexa never noticed before, but his eyes hadn’t exactly the same colour; his right eye was brown as his hair, and the other was clearer in some areas, like brown and dark green. _God I’m losing myself in those eyes too,_ Lexa thought, her breathe almost taken away. She gently smiled at him, and sat next to him, slowly stroking his back.

“Did you sleep well?” She asked him.

“Yeah”, he nodded, “but I’m still tired”.  


He snuggled closer to her, putting his head to rest against Lexa’s chest once again, keeping his eyes close for a little longer. Lexa’s heart warmed.

“I’m going to check on your mommy, alright?”  


Ayden instantly made a pout when Lexa removed him from her chest so she could go see Clarke. She frowned, not knowing why Ayden seemed suddenly upset.

“What is bothering you?” Lexa asked, running her hand in his hair.

“Can I see my mommy?” He asked with a tiny voice.

“Of course you can! Come on you’re going to help me, we are going to make her feel better.”  


Ayden smiled and immediately took Lexa’s hand when he got up from the couch. Lexa’s heart missed a beat as she looked down to see Ayden’s hand in hers. This kid was too much already.

She went to her bedroom with Ayden by her side. Clarke was still sleeping, but she wasn’t under the covers anymore. The sheets were on the floor, and she was sweating, like, a lot. Lexa frowned and put her head on Clarke’s forehead; the fever was still here.

“Ayden, can you go in the bathroom fill it with water?” She asked, giving him a glass.  


Ayden nodded, happy to help take care of her mother, and went into the bathroom. Lexa took a cloth from her dressing, and began to wipe the sweat from Clarke’s body. Clarke was shaking every time Lexa was touching her with the cloth, but didn’t wake up. Lexa whispered soothing words to her, and drew circles on her forearm.

When Ayden came back, Lexa did her best not to laugh at the little boy; his sweater was completely soaked, same as the sport shorts Lexa gave him. But he looked proud of himself, so Lexa didn’t say a word, took the glass from his hands and thanked him for filling it. She gave Clarke another two pills, and put her back under the blankets. She gave Ayden other clothes to wear and said he could go in the living room to change. The boy nodded, took the clothes and disappeared.

Lexa kept her eyes on Clarke, worried. But then, Clarke slowly opened her eyes, locking them in Lexa’s.

“Hey”, Lexa whispered, “How are you feeling?”

“Sick”, Clarke just murmured back. She was trying her best not to panic, but she was lying in a bed she had no memories of getting in, and Ayden was nowhere to be seen. The only thing which kept her from getting up and run away was Lexa’s presence just next to her. Lexa’s presence and the huge hammer banging in her hand, of course. Lexa must have noticed Clarke’s discomfort, because she gently put her hand on Clarke’s forearm to check her fever.

“Don’t worry, Ayden is here, in the living room”, Lexa explained, “you are very sick, and since you don’t want to go to the hospital, you have to stay in bed a little longer. Okay?”

Clarke nodded, and closed her eyes. She knew Ayden was safe with Lexa. She couldn’t explain why, but she had a feeling she could trust Lexa. And right now, there nothing she wanted more than to trust Lexa, because if she couldn’t trust her, who was she leaving her son with?

Lexa waited a few minutes for Clarke to calm down a little, and came back into the living room where Ayden was sitting on the couch, dressed with the clean clothes. Lexa grabbed his and Clarke’s dirty clothes to put them into the washer later.

“While I prepare dinner, maybe you can lay with your mommy Ayden? It will give her strength!” she suggested.  


Ayden nodded and went to Lexa’s bedroom, Lexa following him just to be sure he reached the bedroom without troubles. _Just to be sure he reaches the room without troubles, seriously Lexa? He is five, not ten months old,_ she reprimanded herself. Ayden got onto the bed and snuggled close to his mother. In her sleep, Clarke put her arms around him, and Lexa saw the little boy relaxing in his mother’s arms.

To tell the truth, Lexa couldn’t tear her eyes apart the boy. He had something in him, something huge and beautiful, and Lexa couldn’t put her finger on it. At that very moment, watching Clarke and Ayden sleeping together, she just wished she could go and sleep with the both of them. She shook her head. _They are strangers Lexa. This is not your family. You have duties,_ she scolded herself.

 

She carefully closed the door, and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. But as the day couldn’t be tiring enough, someone rang at the door. She opened the door, finding Anya on the door front.

“Anya,” she stated.

“Yep that’s me”, said the older woman, making her way into Lexa’s apartment.  


Lexa didn’t have time to protest as her cousin was already making herself comfortable on the couch.

“So, what the hell happened earlier?” Anya almost yelled for her cousin to hear her from the kitchen.

“Hush Anya, they are still here!”  


Anya’s eyes widened.

“What? Who are they Lexa?”  


Lexa sighed.

“Come on, you’re going to help me make the spare room’s bed”.  


Lexa had figured that as Clarke was sleeping in her bed and Ayden would probably want to stay with his mother, she would have to sleep in the other room. Anya got up from the couch and followed Lexa as she was picking sheets from a closet.

“Here, put this on the bed”, Lexa said in throwing sheets at Anya’s face.  


Anya glared at her cousin, but began to do as she had been told. Since Lexa wasn’t apparently going to start talking, Anya asked first.

“Lexa.”  


Lexa hummed, concentrated with the sheets.

“Who are those people?” Anya asked, bringing her voice down a little just in case.

 “I met them a few days ago in the park,” Lexa said.  

“And...?”

“And I gave the woman my number. That’s all.”   


That was already too much for Anya. Lexa would have never done that with someone she just met. Not after what happened with Costia. Something was special about those two. They were definitely not ordinary people. She picked up a pillow and threw it at Lexa’s face.

“You don’t get to tell me _that’s all_ , Lexa, you gave her your number! Your personal one, and then here they are, both mother and son, into your apartment! You didn’t bring someone here since...”

“I know, Anya, I know, alright?”, Lexa cut her off throwing the pillow back at her, not wanting to hear the rest of the sentence, “I just...”  


Anya raised a brow. Something was changing in Lexa. She could see it.

“You just what?”

“I don’t know,” Lexa sighed. “I saw her, them, and... I just wanted to help.”  


Anya wasn’t understanding, and crossed her arms on her chest, waiting for Lexa to elaborate. Why would Lexa feel like she had to help a mother and her child in a park? Lexa noticed the look on Anya’s face, and understood her cousin wasn’t going to drop the matter anytime soon.

“Alright, they are homeless, Anya. And I think Ayden’s father is beating Clarke. I think that’s why they’re in the streets.”  


This time, Anya gasped and looked in the apartment in search of the little boy and his mother.

“Can you repeat that?”  


Lexa sighed, turning herself to face her cousin.

“They are homeless, they sleep in the streets every night, this little boy and his mother are living in the streets in the middle of December in my city”, she said pointing towards her bedroom, “What did you want me to do?”  


Anya raised her brows even more.

“Lexa, it’s not because they live in the same city as you do that you have to take care of them”, Anya said, “there’s like... a thousand homeless people in Polis”.

“I know!” Lexa snapped.  


If Anya was surprised about her cousin’s reaction, she didn’t show it.

“I’m sorry”, Lexa apologized, sitting on the bed, “I did not mean to shout at you. But, I don’t know, I...”  


Lexa sighed, annoyed at herself for not being able to speak properly. Anya gave her a nod of encouragement, and sat next to her cousin, waiting for Lexa to speak again.

“I just couldn’t Anya, it was...” Lexa started.  


Anya put a gentle hand on Lexa’s shoulders. She knew her younger cousin always had had troubles speaking about her feelings. Lexa was always making other people come first, sometimes at her own price.

“I saw them, and I couldn’t tear my eyes apart”, Lexa whispered. “They were in the cold, and I wanted to do something so badly...”  


Anya had a thousand questions rushing through her head, but thought better than to ask them. Lexa had just opened herself to Anya, and she didn’t want to ruin everything.

 “Where are they now?” she asked instead.   

“In my room. Clarke is sick. Ayden called me, telling me he was afraid and I had to come pick them up”, Lexa started to explain.  


Anya didn’t say anything, listening to her cousin. Lexa seemed really worried about them, and it was stunning her. Lexa stopped having feelings after Costia. _Love is weakness,_ Anya remembered her cousin say. But right now, hearing Lexa rambling about them, she saw something break into Lexa. Something she was building for a long time now, something she had started to build after the loss of her family. Anya could see it, Lexa’s stone heart slowly cracking. She cared. She cared too much about them already. And it couldn’t be good.

“What will you do, once Clarke will be fine?” Anya wondered.

“I don’t know”, Lexa sighed. “She doesn’t even want my help. They are here just because of Ayden. I think...”  


Anya raised a brow again, waiting for Lexa to finish her phrase.

“I think the kid likes me” she murmured, and then shook her head to get rid of the idea. “Nah I’m crazy. Forget about it.”  


Lexa couldn’t believe what she was saying. The kid didn’t like her. He was just waiting for his mother to get back to her feet. He didn’t care about Lexa. She was just a person ready to help his mother get better. Once Clarke would be ok, they would disappear and never come back.

 

  
A few minutes later, Ayden came into the kitchen, yawning.

“Yexa? You there?” He called.

“Right here Ayden!”  


Lexa and Anya were sitting around the dinner table, eating their food. Ayden came to them running, but stopped as soon as he saw Anya. Lexa remembered what he said about him being afraid of Anya, so she got up to pick him up in her arms.

“Come on Ayden, I want to present you to someone very important to me.”  


Ayden buried his face in Lexa’s neck while she made her way toward her cousin.

“Ayden, this is Anya, my cousin. She’s very funny but sometimes”, she whispered in Ayden’s hear, sometimes her jokes are really bad.”  


It made Ayden laugh, and he took a better look at Anya, deciding she wasn’t that scary after all. He even shook the hand Anya was extending to him, making him feel like a grown up. He sat on a chair and ate with the two girls, laughing along with Lexa at Anya’s bad jokes. Lexa was right about that point.

 

When dinner was over and Ayden started to yawn more and more, Anya said goodbye to them and went back to her place, leaving a half-sleeping Ayden lying on the couch. Lexa went to see Clarke and make sure she was okay. The woman was still shivering, but less than before, and she wasn’t that hot anymore. _Don’t think about Clarke being hot Lexa, don’t think about that ._ She got back to the living-room and began to gently shake Ayden.  

“Come on Ayden, let’s get you to bed with your mommy, it’s more comfortable”, Lexa gently said.  


Ayden frowned, and caught Lexa’ shirt in his hand, not letting her go, making her sit on the couch and putting himself on top of Lexa.

“No”, he said snuggling into her.

“No?” Lexa asked, surprised by the kid.

“I want to stay safe with you”, Ayden said in a sleepy but concerned voice. “Will you keep me safe?”

“Yes. I will”, Lexa answered truthfully.    


Lexa had promised him, a few hours ago. She put her arms around him, and Ayden sighed contently, drifting to sleep on Lexa’s chest, as he had done it a few hours ago. Lexa grabbed the blanket from under the couch, and put it on top of the both of them. She slipped her hand under Ayden’ sweater, drawing small circles on his back. Soon, she was asleep too.


	10. Everything Has Consequences

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So chapter 10 is here! I know some of you weren't that happy with Finn's murder being unpunished (but really it is how it happened in the show, Finn is pardoned for it), but in this chapter there's a little something which should please you a little more ;) Enough talking, enjoy!!
> 
> PS: you can find me on twitter and Instagram if you want to talk or anything else, @sixtineschmidt for both account!

_Song: Ghosts by Jacob Lee_

Wednesday morning, and Octavia stretched in bed, slowly awaking. She checked the clock; four a.m. In an hour and a half, she had to be at work to receive her new mission. Lincoln was still asleep next to her, and she stayed a few seconds more in bed, just looking at him.

She sighed, and got up from bed. She carefully closed the bedroom’s door behind her not to wake Lincoln up. She frowned, because there was light in the living-room. Why were the lights already on? Or maybe she should say “still on”.  
She made her way towards the room to notice Bellamy, glasses on his nose, studying something on the table. Actually, it was more like a whole bunch of papers, and he didn’t seem like he had slept at all, judging by the smell of coffee filling the room.

“Bell”, Octavia whispered, “what are you doing? Why aren’t you in your bed?”

“Couldn’t sleep”, he shrugged, still looking through the papers.

 

Octavia sat right next to him, putting her hand in his forearm to make him look at her.

“Bellamy, don’t lie to me”.

 

He sighed, and took off his glasses, passing a hand on his face.

“I’m trying to find Clarke’s location”, he said, “O I’m very worried about her”.

“We all are, Bell, but if she doesn’t want to be found, there’s no way we can...” Octavia stated, sad about the idea of Clarke not wanting to let them find her.

“I know, I know”, Bellamy sighed. “I just... I just feel guilty”.

 

Octavia frowned. Why would her brother feel guilty about Clarke missing?

“You didn’t see the house O”, Bellamy started, “everything was broken, into a thousand pieces; the furniture, the pictures frames, the dishes. I should have done something”.

“There is nothing you could have done, we didn’t know! We didn’t know about it because she fucking didn’t tell us!” Octavia replied, starting to feel a bit angry about the situation. She was worried about Clarke too, and this was slowly beginning to hit on her nerves.  

“But I saw her Octavia, I saw her five days ago, and I could tell something was wrong! And I let her go!  I let her go...”, he repeated, his voice threatening to break.

 

Octavia put an arm around her brother’s shoulders. She didn’t know what they could do; it was totally like Clarke to want to fix everything by herself, and if she wasn’t going to ask for help, there is no way they could find her to give her some.

  
She unlocked her phone, and tapped a quick text into their secret app.

 

**Octavia: News from Clarke?**

 

It was still early, and nobody would see her message any time soon.

This application had been Raven’s idea. When things had been tougher, their genius had the idea to create an application, completely secret, for all of them, to be able to communicate with each other all at once. This app had also a location device; Monty had designed it and added it to their phones, after Clarke had been missing that night where Finn went crazy. Anyone who had last minute plans, or was not feeling safe, had to put the device on, giving his location to the others, who could trace him like a GPS. If something happened, the rest of the group was able to know where he was, and step in case help was needed. They had also established a code for emergencies; level 1 was for unusual things and small concerns, problems from everyday’s life, smalls things.   
Level 2 was for the worrying things, an eventual trouble which has not occurred yet and things to keep an eye on, like when Harper noticed the same guys were following her every night in her way back to home.  
Level 3 was for important information or a danger, something concrete, like when Bellamy was telling them to stay where they were and not come home because there were gang fights on the streets or anything like this.   
Level 4 was for big and imminent danger, missing person or very serious matter, almost life threatening like when Clarke was so broken by Wells’ death that they thought she was going to kill herself. Octavia had used it once too, when those guys had assaulted her, before Lincoln intervened.  
Finally, level 5, the one they wished everyday not to see on their phones; the code for something death related, imminent death, life or death situation. It had only been activated twice in their lives; when Wells had died, and when they had found Charlotte’s lifeless body at the base of the building.

This app was sparing them a lot of trouble sharing the infos between them; they were a large group after all, and without this, they would always had been misunderstandings and unsaid things.

Octavia checked Clarke’s location, as had done it her brother five minutes before her. Nothing. Her phone wasn’t even online, which meant it was off. The Blakes knew it was bad. Everyone in the group, including Murphy, had promised each other to always have their phones turn on, by any means. If Clarke had turned her phone off, she really didn’t want them to find her.

Octavia got out of her thoughts when Bellamy threw the pen he was holding on the other side of the room.

“We are idiots”, he said, binding his teeth together. “We should have seen it coming”.

 

Octavia frowned, not sure what her brother was talking about.

“Finn wasn’t fine, and we didn’t do anything”, Bellamy explained, almost whispering. “I should have put him in jail that night”.

 

Octavia snorted at her brother’s words, finally understanding what her brother was referring to.  

“Oh, now that Clarke is the one in danger, you are ready to recognize it?”

“O, don’t...”

“Don’t what?” Octavia cut him off, “He **killed** six people than night Bellamy, **six people by cold blood!** Of course you should have fucking locked him in jail that night!”

 

Bellamy sighed. He didn’t want to have this conversation now.

“Octavia, they were...” but Bellamy was cut again mid-sentence by her fuming sister.

“They were **_persons_** first, brother, **_human beings!_** And they didn’t do anything against Finn or Clarke. He killed them **_for nothing, for no reason at all!_** But you,” she said pocking him in the shoulder, “you the cob, you didn’t do or say anything, and you fucking helped cover the mass murder! But now that he is threatening Clarke, you worry about what he could do?”

 

Bellamy took a look towards the front door; to be sure no one was listening.

“And what would you have wanted me to do?” he said, frustrated.

“Hand him to the police! That’s your fucking job! I don’t know Bellamy, you were there that night, and like me you saw **_everything_**! How could you not see he was going crazy?”

 

Octavia panted, breathless by her tirade.

“And what would have had happen if I had arrested him?” Bellamy answered back, standing very close to her sister’s face, “Clarke would have had to raise her kid alone and...”

“That’s absolutely not an excuse Bellamy, for all we know Finn could be beating little Ayden too!” Octavia cut him off again.

“And Raven...”

“Oh no brother, don’t you dare use Raven to justify what you did or not did that night”, Octavia growled, “Even Raven knows Finn has lost his mind”.

 

Bellamy sighed, sat back on the couch and took her head between his hands. How could he have known that Finn was that wasted, at the point of hurting Clarke? When they had first met him, he was always the kid trying to see beauty in everything, always kind and open-hearted. How could he have turned in such a monster?

He closed his eyes, as memories from that night were rushing in his head.

 

_Finn was standing in front of the six dealers, sitting on their knees, hands over their heads._

_“Where is the blonde girl?” Finn screamed again._

_“We told you already, she didn’t come here, we didn’t have her!” A dealer said, trying to keep a younger one from doing something very stupid._

_Bellamy had just arrived with his sister and their eyes were widening with horror. It was clear those guys didn’t have Clarke._

_“Finn come on we should go”, Bellamy tried to persuade him._

_The tension in the room was palpable. Finn had a gun in his hands and where the fuck was it coming from?_

_“Finn let’s go”, Bellamy tried again, willing to sound authoritarian._

_But suddenly, in a matter of seconds, everything went to hell. A young dealer, who didn’t look more than sixteen, moved towards Finn. Finn didn’t think twice, and pulled the trigger. Again and again, until his gun’s loader was empty. Octavia screamed._

_The seconds passed, and Bellamy nearly threw up. No one was standing on their knees anymore. Blood was everywhere. Six corpses were lying lifeless on the floor._

_“Finn...” Bellamy whispered._

_And then, they saw her. Clarke, standing at the front door, still dressed in her hospital clothes, horrified. She was just late. And six people were dead._

 

“Bell”, Octavia lightly shook him to make him get back to reality.

Her brother sighed again. He should have done something. It was his job. That day, he failed protecting them by protecting a murderer and covering Finn’s actions. And now, Clarke was paying the price of his mistakes, five years later. All they had known their entire life was violence. Violence, again and again. Some people were saying Polis was a quiet city, but they didn’t know. Here in the suburbs, violence was the state of mind for the people who couldn’t afford live downtown. Polis was a city in economic transition, and there were serious inequalities between districts. Here, people were dying every day, but nobody was doing anything. Maybe Bellamy should have done something that night for a change.

“Bell, the past is passed. Don’t make the same mistakes. Finn is dangerous, he needs to get arrested and pay for what he has done” Octavia said, lightly pinching his brother’s shoulder, “We can’t act like nothing happened. Crimes should have consequences. Everything has consequences. We shouldn’t be exceptions.”

 

Bellamy nodded, because he knew his sister was right. They hated violence, they hated it so much, but they were keeping a murderer from going into jail. Bellamy remembered when Wells had died, how they all had been hard on Murphy, but how they had been merciful when Charlotte confessed, and how they had tried to protect her. But things couldn’t be like that, completely unfair. Everyone had to be held responsible for his actions and pay for it, girl or boy, thirty years old or fifteen, reason or not. Law was law, and Bellamy was the first to apply it on his job, everyday.

 

 

Octavia disappeared into the bathroom to get herself ready to go to work, leaving Bellamy with his thoughts.   
The girl began to braid her hair; it was something she had learned to do a while ago, when she was still a rookie in Indra’s unit. Once her hair done, she dressed up; black pants and t-shirt, with a green and black leather jacket and brown leather mittens. She really did look like a warrior, and that’s what Octavia wished to be. She quickly grabbed something to eat in the fridge, and got back in the living-room to tell her brother she was leaving.

“Bell”, she said, “I’m going”.

 

Bellamy hummed, not really hearing his sister.

“Bellamy”, she insisted, “I’m leaving”.

 

He looked up, finally noticing her.

“How long?”

“I don’t know”, Octavia sighed.

 

She never knew how long her next mission was going to last, if she would have to disappear for a day, a week or more. When she was out of town, or at least when they didn’t know where she was, the others were always a little worried about her. At first, they all had disagree to let her get into this unit, but surprisingly, Clarke had been the one to approve her decision and make the others accept it too. Octavia never had been close to Clarke, but when Clarke had encouraged her to incorporate Indra’s team, Octavia had discovered a new Blondie. And Octavia loved her job, really she did, but right now, she had the feeling to let Clarke down because she wouldn’t be able to look after her while she would be on mission. What if this mission was going to last for a month? Clarke couldn’t wait that long.

“Keep your phone on”, Bellamy said, “and please stay safe. We will let you know if we have news from Clarke”.

 

Octavia nodded, and quickly hugged her brother before disappearing in the stairs. Bellamy closed the door behind her, and re-concentrated on the papers.

 

Octavia was at the end of the stairs, in front of the building’s door. She threw a peek right and left, and instead of going out, she opened the storage room and closed the door right after her. Octavia waited a few seconds just to be sure nobody had been following her. Then, she pressed her hands on very specific spots on the wall. Suddenly, a secret door opened, without making any noise. Octavia waited another few seconds before entering in the tunnel and she made sure the secret passage was properly closed. She didn’t want someone else to find it, did she? That was her secret, and nobody else in Arcadia knew about it.

She began to jogtrot in the tunnel, triggering small lights to turn on on her way. Those tunnels, there were thousands of them under the city, only well known by a few people. Indra, for sure, because she was the one to suggest using them, and everyone on her special intervention team, all of Octavia teammates. Octavia believed that Lexa Woods, Coalition corp.’s CEO, was part of the secret too. After all, she was the one to unite the twelve biggest companies on the planet, and create Indra’s unit. Octavia hadn’t met Miss Woods in person, but everyone knew the face of the most famous woman living on Earth. Except Clarke, Monty and Jasper, who didn’t care much about the outside world anyway. Octavia was hoping that one day, she would prove herself worthy enough to be presented to her.

Everyone had already heard the stories about Lexa Woods, the youngest CEO of the planet. Even Indra had a big esteem of Lexa, who was like twenty years younger than her. And if Indra trusted Lexa, then Octavia could do so too.

Octavia was coming at the end of this little tunnel, rejoining another one; those tunnels were the city’s sewers really, but they had been very useful move in the city, in the fastest and most discreet way. Every member had a secret entry hidden somewhere close to the place they were living in.

Octavia got at the crossroad with another tunnel; this one had been Zoe Monroe’s, a girl who had been killed in an ambush in one of their missions. She wasn’t really integrated into Arcadia’s group, but used to hang out with Bellamy in high school. Her death was partially Octavia’s fault, and Octavia shivered at the memory.

She finally reached what was waiting for her; a big black motorcycle with large wheels. Octavia smiled at the sight of the vehicle, and took the helmet to put hit on her head. She got out the key she was carrying around her neck, and started the motorcycle with a big roar. She smiled again, and left into the dark tunnels. 

* * *

 

 

 

6 a.m and Lexa’s alarm clock was buzzing into the loft. Waking up, Lexa cursed herself for not thinking to cut it off for today, and hoped it hadn’t woken Ayden and Clarke up. It didn’t seem so, because Ayden was still snoring on Lexa’s chest, wrapped into the warm blankets. She suddenly wondered if Clarke had a job she had to go to, or if Ayden was going to school. She didn’t have to wait long to have her answer, because Ayden stretched up before opening his eyes, confused.

“Mommy?” He asked, not seeing his mother, his bottom lip beginning to shake.

“Ayden it’s Lexa, you remember me?” Lexa said, making him look at her.  
  


Recognition flashed on Ayden’s face, and his pout faded away.

“Yexa”, he smiled. “You didn’t leave.”  
  


Lexa frowned, not understanding.

“Where was I supposed to go? This is my home, I wouldn’t have left...?”

“But Finn leaves all the time”, Ayden sighed. “And when I sleep with mommy, she is gone when I wake up.”

“I’m here”, she gave the kid a tiny smile, trying to reassure him. Ayden nodded sleepily, and put his head back against Lexa’s chest, closing his eyes.  
  


Lexa knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep now that she was awake, but she didn’t mind the boy sleeping on her chest. In fact, she was founding it pretty cool, because it meant the boy trusted her enough to sleep with her rather than his mother. Speaking of his mother, Lexa figured she had to go check on her, while Ayden was still sleeping. She carefully removed the boy from her chest, and put him on the couch, bringing the blanket on top of him. He didn’t awake, and Lexa silently went to her bedroom.

Lexa found a pair of blues eyes looking right at her when she entered the bedroom. Clarke was awake. Lexa silently got closer to her.

“Hello Clarke. Did you sleep well?”  
  


Clarke nodded. Everything was strange. Her head was still spinning a little, but it was much better than the previous day. What she couldn’t understand was the smile on Lexa’s face, so genuine, so _true_. Except Lexa was doing this because of pity, right? So why was she here, looking after Clarke and even _smiling_ to her?

“Do you want to eat something?” Lexa gently asked her.  
  


Clarke bit her lip, not answering. Lexa must have guessed what Clarke was thinking about a few seconds ago, because she spoke again.

“Clarke, I just want to help you”.  
  


This time, Clarke nodded, and Lexa left the room, telling her she would bring something to eat.

On the couch, Ayden wasn’t asleep anymore, and was playing with his feet and the blanket. Lexa lightly smiled, seeing that Ayden hadn’t panicked in not seeing her next to him when he awoke.

“Yexa”, he shyly asked when he noticed her, “I’m a bit hungry”.

 

This time, Lexa laughed, because _damn how cute was this little man._

“Alright come on, we are going to make breakfast!” Lexa said, going into the kitchen.  
  


Ayden smiled, and quickly got on his tiny feet to help her. Lexa showed him how to make very French toasts, and while she was explaining everything to Ayden, Lexa’s mind was full of weird feelings. This kid wasn’t hers. She couldn’t let herself get attached to him too much. _Everything has consequences,_ she thought. But she couldn’t help it. Lexa knew she would have her heart broken soon or later, because of them leaving as soon as Clarke would be able to stand on her own. But right now, she was thinking that maybe, she should took the risk. It was just a boy, wasn’t he?


	11. Maybe Someday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 11 for you guys! Thanks for all the reviews you're sending to me, I really really appreciate it, I hope I answered to every each of them, at least I try to! 
> 
> Find me on twitter and instragram ! @sixtineschmidt

_Song: Let Me In by Sonofdov_

 

In the kitchen, Lexa and Ayden had just finished preparing breakfast. Ayden had butter and jam all over his face and fingers, and Lexa had to stop herself from laughing at him. She quickly made him clean himself before he could put his dirty hands everywhere.

“Okay Ayden, what do you say if we put all those things on a tray to have breakfast in bed with your mommy?”

“Yes!” Ayden shrieked, clapping his hands together.

Lexa smiled at him, and put everything they had made on a tray, making her way towards her bedroom, quickly followed by Ayden.

“Mommy, you awake? Breakfast time!” he yelled, jumping on Clarke.

Lexa smiled at the scene in front of her; Clarke half-awake, and Ayden trying to tickle her to wake her up. Lexa caught herself thinking about more days like this, Sundays with breakfast in bed, and the whole life in front of them. Lexa shook her head, because it wasn’t Sunday. There were not her family. But deep within her was this new feeling, the feeling that maybe, maybe someday...

She was taken out of her thoughts by Clarke’s look, curious about why Lexa hadn’t move yet. Lexa quickly approached with the tray with the food on it, and carefully put in on the bed.

“Look Mommy, we made breakfast!” Ayden said, pride in his chest.

Clarke’s heart melted for her son, smiling from ear to ear. It was a long time since she hadn’t seen Ayden being this happy and excited about small things. Yes, he was five, and five years olds were usually happy and curious about the world and excited for nothing, but not him. No, Clarke sadly knew it; her son wasn’t the happiest kid on Earth, even if he was doing a good job at hiding it. Clarke was amazed by her son’s ability to forget about himself not to bother her. Ayden was never fussing, complaining or frustrated. Clarke knew that deep inside he was, and sometimes she just wanted to cry for her boy who was only five but who had to act like he was four times his age. Clarke hated herself, blamed herself so much for the life they were living. Yes, it would have been easy to leave Finn and go back living in Arcadia with the others, Clarke knew they would have protected her and Ayden, but over there, there was so much violence, so much that Clarke’s chest was compressing every time she needed to go back there. She had seen so many people die, so many friends she had lost, and she didn’t want this to be her son’s environment. She hadn’t wanted to live with the fear of him being attacked on his way to school, and this constant fear, Clarke couldn’t bear it anymore, not with Ayden.   
But she had nowhere else to go, and she had faced her only two options; violence, or being homeless, out of Finn’s reach.

Clarke got out of her thoughts when Lexa handed her the fuming cup of coffee.

“I made coffee, I didn’t know what you would prefer, and Ayden didn’t know either”, Lexa said, “but I can make tea if...”

“Coffee is perfect Lexa”, Clarke whispered, still feeling dead sick, “thank you”.

Lexa nodded, and Clarke noticed the sincere smile on the brunette’s lips, who quickly took away her attention to Ayden, making sure he wasn’t spilling his hot chocolate all over himself. And Clarke watched everything, sipping on her coffee. Maybe there was a third option, after all.

Ayden must have made a joke, because Lexa was laughing, and it was something Clarke immediately was in awe for. When Lexa laughed, her whole face was ravaged by her beautiful smile, and it was lightening everything. _Shut up Clarke do you hear yourself talking?,_ she growled at herself. But there was no possible denial; Clarke was seeing something in this girl.

And apparently so was Ayden, because Clarke was beginning to notice how close those two were. Ayden didn’t have any barriers, and was opening himself to Lexa without a second chance; laughing at her, let her touch him. Ayden’s eyes were everywhere Lexa was. He never had done that before, not even with Raven or Octavia. But right now, right in front of Clarke, something was building itself between her son and that stranger brunette. But Clarke was still too sick to think about it too much, and she finished her coffee, with Lexa forcing her to take some medicine. A few minutes later, Clarke was asleep again, and Lexa silently took Ayden by the hand into the living room to let his mother rest.

 

* * *

 

Midday and Raven was getting out of her lab to meet Harper and Monty for lunch. She held her hand in the air, calling for a cab. Their meeting spot wasn’t that far, but since the plane crash, Raven had a shitty leg and a brace to help her stand on her feet. She couldn’t walk for long, and run was out of the question. Of course, a surgery could have fixed it quite well, but that shit was expensive, and obviously she didn’t have the money for it. It was her battle scar, Raven liked to think. A constant reminder of how life is fragile and that everything can break, at any moment.

Finally, a cab parked next to her, and she gave the driver her destination. Settled onto the backseats, Raven got her phone out of her pocket and saw she had texts waiting on their secret app.

**Octavia: Any news from Clarke?**

**Octavia: Guys, I’m leaving for two weeks**

**Monty: I’ve got nothing.**

**Monty; Wait, you’ve already got another mission O?**

**Murphy: Seems like Princess is invisible**

**Bellamy: Not funny Murphy**

**Murphy: Sorry. I’ll ask Emori to ask her brother. Good luck Octavia**

**Bellamy: Thanks. Be careful sister**

**Harper: We’re gonna hold the fort while you’re gone Octavia, stay safe!** **J**

**Jasper: nothing on Clarke either, Maya will ask some friends of her at Mont Weather, bye Octavia**

**Octavia: Guys**

**Octavia: I’m leaving for two weeks**

**Octavia: What if something happen to Clarke? I can’t go away that long**

Raven frowned. No one had heard from Clarke yet, and Octavia was leaving again. She only came back last week, she usually had at least two weeks in town before having to go back, and it was weird.

**Raven: Clarke will be ok O, do what you’re born to do. And please kick asses will ya?**

**Octavia: Thanks Rae. I’ll see you all soon, keep me updated**

**Lincoln: Bye my love**

**Raven: I’m gonna puke right now**

**Monty: Let them be Raven, and you’re late for lunch**

**Murphy: Octavia won’t be able to answer to us, why keep her updated?**

**Harper: because she asks us to**

**Maya: bye O**

**Murphy: Whatever**

**Raven: On my way Monty**

She sighed and put her phone back in her pocket. She let her eyes wondering outside.

A few minutes later and the cab had dropped Raven in front of the little bar restaurant they were spending their days.

“Hey Raven”, Harper greeted her.

Raven smiled at the duo, and sat next to them. Like the others, she didn’t have seen their relationship coming; Monty was a geek, always stuck with Jasper while Harper was minding her own business, and one day, they had told the group they were together. Of course, everyone had been excited to hear the news, but it was definitely not something they were expecting to hear. Raven, she didn’t have anyone on her life. It was a simple statement, not a complaint. She was born in a shitty family, with fathers who didn’t care about her. If she was alive today, it was because of Finn, the boy next door. He used to be her only family, once, but now, after everything they had learned... She didn’t know what Finn was anymore. She didn’t even know who he was.

Raven had had a hard time getting over Finn when she discovered he was falling in love with Clarke, a gorgeous and smart blonde, back in high school. But slowly, she had accepted it, seeing he only had eyes for the blonde. But still, maybe a part of her had always been in love with him. He was the closest thing she had of a brother, and had always been there, in her world.   
Raven knew Finn, she knew him very well, and everything Bellamy had told them didn’t sound like Finn. She knew he had changed, that night, but seriously, hitting Clarke? Breaking everything in their house, maybe hurting their son too? Doing harm to the girl he used to have eyes only for, becoming violent? He was a hundred per cent not Finn.

But she trusted Bellamy too, and he wouldn’t have made up this entire story if it wasn’t true. Yeah, Raven owned most of her life to Finn, but, even if she was sometimes trying to forget, the other half of her life was because of Clarke. Or rather thanks to her.   
The blonde had saved them after the plane crash. She had done everything she could to keep Raven alive and save her leg, even if she couldn’t walk as good as before. After the crash and back in Polis, Clarke had been the one supporting Raven, to keep her from giving up on herself, the one to give her reasons to fight and sometimes kicking her ass to make her move forward. Of course, Octavia and the others girls had been here too, but it was Clarke, mostly Clarke. It always had been her, even if they sometimes wanted to think they could handle themselves very well without her. The fact is, they couldn’t. They were never fine when Clarke was not here, in charge, taking responsibilities on her shoulders, for them. _I bear it so they don’t have to,_ Raven remembered Clarke once said. She was a mom to them, caring about every each of them, forgetting herself in the process.

Now Raven knew things had changed, and needed to change even more. Clarke couldn’t forget about herself that much anymore; she had a son, a beautiful, strong and caring little boy, and they were all grown up. Right now Raven knew they should make him come first, and she knew it was probably the reason why Clarke hadn’t try to reach them. It was understandable really, and even if Raven was hurt Clarke didn’t trust them enough to protect Ayden, she knew their lives and environment were full of crap, and a kid couldn’t live surrounded by violence and fears.

Harper snapped her out of her thoughts when the waiter came to take their orders. Raven sighed, still thinking about how they were going to reach Clarke and actually help her. 

* * *

 

It was five o’clock already, and the sun was beginning to fade. Winter was really there, Lexa thought for a moment.

“Yexa, concentrate or you’re gonna lose!” Ayden said, very excited about the game they were playing.

Lexa smiled at him, and reversed two small cards. A horse and a turtle.

“Too bad Lexa, they are not matching!” Ayden shrieked, and reversed two cards, two pandas.

“Yeah, I won!” He screamed with pure joy written on his face, “You saw Lexa? I won this game! I’m the best!”

Ayden was jumping in the living room around the table, showing Lexa the pair of matching cards. Lexa couldn’t help herself and laughed at the boy, completely submerged by his happiness. This game was really simple, a memory game, and obviously Lexa had pretended to have a bad memory and to forget where each matching cards were, but still, Ayden was good at this game, and seeing his reaction, Lexa was glad she had lost.

“Well done”, she congratulated him, “you’re the best! Do you want to eat something? Maybe a hot chocolate?” she asked the boy a little smile on her lips, waiting for his reaction.

Once the words had reached the boy’s brain, his eyes widened, and he clapped his hands very eagerly.

“Yes yes, hot chocolate!”

Lexa laughed again, quickly passing her hand through his hair before going into the kitchen. Ayden didn’t protest when Lexa disappeared from the living room, and Lexa was glad he didn’t. It meant he trusted her, right? He trusted her enough to believe she was not abandoning him, and that she was going to come back right away. Lexa wanted to believe the boy trusted her. She knew Clarke didn’t, and would probably never do so, but if Ayden trusted her, it was enough for Lexa.

Five minutes later she was making her way back to the boy, who had put every card’s face against the table to play again. Lexa sat on the carpet, like they had done so for the whole afternoon, and handed the cup of hot chocolate to Ayden. This time, she had had the idea of giving him a straw to drink it, and avoid to spill the milk on him. She was pretty proud of her idea when Ayden’s eyes widened even more when he saw it and began to drink his chocolate with it. They resumed their game, and as the twenty times before, Lexa let Ayden win.  

Caught up in the game, Lexa hadn’t seen Clarke standing a few feet away, leaning on the door frame. She didn’t see Clarke observing her, noticing every single small gesture she was doing towards Ayden.

Clarke had been awake for a while now, and she was hearing all of Ayden’s joy screams and Lexa laughs. Curious, she got out of bed, trying to steady herself on leaning on the walls. Once in the living room, the scene in front of her stunned her. Lexa and Ayden were drinking hot chocolate and playing a game together, like a family. If Clarke didn’t know Ayden was her own son, she would have instantly believed he was Lexa’s. She didn’t know if she was glad or afraid that Lexa and Ayden were looking so close; what did her son was finding in Lexa? What was making Lexa so special to him? Because even if Clarke and Ayden hadn’t talked about it, Clarke knew her kid fully trusted the brunette. If he hadn’t, he wouldn’t be so open with her. Because right now, he was completely relaxed, playing, joking and laughing with her and everything were making Clarke think of a real family. Not the one she had made herself through the years; no, a real and concrete one, which hot chocolates on Sundays and family game time.

But Clarke coughed, caught up by her cold, making her presence known, and Lexa turned back, fixing her worried green eyes on Clarke’s. _Maybe someday,_ the blonde thought.


	12. Happy Endings Are Lies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANKS all of you for the support and love and reviews, I really appreciate!! Enjoy!!

_Song: Demons by Imagine Dragons but Boyce Avenue Cover_

 

Clarke coughed, making her presence known, and Lexa immediately looked towards the sound. Her eyes widened a little when she saw Clarke was awake. Lexa didn’t know how to act; should she go to her, checking if she’s ok? But obviously, Ayden came to the rescue.

“Mommy, you’re awake! Come play with us!” he shouted at his mother, a beamed smile on his face.

Clarke smiled back, and approached the duo. She was feeling Lexa’s eyes on her and sat on the couch. Her son got up and put a kiss on his mother’s cheek. Clarke’s heart melted. Ayden always had been the best kid ever, but she knew life was hard on him these days. But right now, with Lexa, he really looked like his age, for once.

“Do you want a hot chocolate too, Clarke?” Lexa asked, taking the blonde out of her thoughts.

Clarke nodded, watching Lexa head towards the kitchen. She felt her son tugging at her hand.

“Mommy look, that game is so cool! Lexa said she was giving it to me!” Ayden said, excited.

Clarke smiled.

“Alright, how do you play at this?” She asked her son.

Ayden started to explain her everything; of course Clarke had already figured how the game worked, but Ayden was so happy to explain it that Clarke hadn’t the heart to tell him she had understood. But then Ayden suddenly stopped talking, and frowned.

“Ayden?” Clarke asked, raising her brows at the look on her son’s face.

The boy didn’t answer right away, still looking at the cards on the table.

“I think Lexa is letting me win”, he whispered to his mother, “She has lost every single game”.

Clarke chuckled, because of course Lexa had been letting him win. Who wouldn’t?

“Maybe she has a bad memory”, the blonde suggested.

Ayden shook his head. “No, she’s a grown up, grown up have good memories Mommy.”

Clarke didn’t have time to answer to her son, because Lexa was coming back with a fuming cup in her hand.

“Here you are”, she said, giving the mug to Clarke.

Clarke nodded as a thank you, watching Lexa resuming her position on the carpet, sitting at the opposite of the table, with Ayden in front of her.

“Yexa you’re ready?” the boy asked.

“Yep!” she answered, “you first!”

They began to play, under Clarke’s curious look. Really, she had thought it before, but she was stunned by the complicity between those two.

“Concentrate Lexa, you’re going to lose again!” Ayden said, laughing because Lexa had picked the wrong card again.

Clarke noticed the huge smile on Lexa’s face, and her heart melted. How was she supposed to handle this? What would happen, when they’ll have to leave Lexa’s apartment? They couldn’t stay here forever, and that’s why Clarke had been so reticent to accept Lexa’s help in the first place. Because eventually, everything good thing has to stop. Good things were never meant to last, and Clarke didn’t believe in happy endings.

Clarke remembered when she found out she was pregnant with Ayden. It was five years ago, and things were a complete mess then. She wasn’t trying to get pregnant, hell it always had been out of her mind. Wells just had died, and Clarke was very angry at her mother, and refused to see her. It was not the time to have a baby.  
But soon enough she had started to feel dizzy, and had nausea every time she would wake up; she didn’t tell anybody first, but eventually Octavia and Raven noticed something was off about her. Clarke was a med student at that time, she had understood the hints of course, and knew she was pregnant, but in the first three months, she tried her best to deny it. Octavia and Raven figured out too, and then it was obvious for everyone when Clarke’s baby bump started to show up.

Being pregnant was hard at first, because she was pregnant of Finn; Raven’s ex-boyfriend, and even though Clarke knew Raven and him were completely over and Finn was Clarke’s boyfriend for a couple of years now, the blonde had been feeling very embarrassed, and even if Raven was trying her best to hide it, Clarke could often read sadness all over her face when Finn would touch Clarke’s belly or talking about their baby. That was normal, Clarke had guessed, because Raven and Finn had known each other for such a long time, and she couldn’t blame Raven to be sad about the fact she wasn’t the one pregnant with Finn’s baby.

Her whole pregnancy had been hard, because she hadn’t had time to mourn Wells’ death and Clarke hadn’t been able to forgive her mother enough to let her be there for her during her pregnancy even if she knew she needed her. Clarke hadn’t lied about it though, because she was working at the same hospital as her mother, and in a few weeks, everyone knew. She had just kept telling people she was fine, and that she didn’t anything. The people who didn’t knew her very well believed her, but the Arcadians, they never did, and secretly helped her.

One day, she found out Bellamy was washing her dishes and taking out her trash every time she wasn’t home and she hadn’t done it by herself. She first had thought it was Finn, but then she had caught Bellamy doing it. There was also that day when she found out Octavia was cleaning her apartment every Friday when Clarke was on shift, and that she was making her groceries to make sure Clarke’s fridge was always full. Clarke thought it was Finn’s doing, but then again, he hadn’t been the one to do it. She eventually had figured out that Raven, Monty and Harper weren’t coming to eat with her every few days because they were feeling lonely, but just to cook something for Clarke and be sure she was eating well.

And days after days, Clarke had seen the caring and the attention her friends were giving her, always trying not to look like they were helping her. And Clarke had been grateful, really she had been. She knew that if she asked for help, they’ll help her, but the fact they were doing things to help her without having to ask, each one with their own way, had melted her heart more than once.

But things grew more and more complicated, and the closest to delivery day Clarke was coming, the more she was stressed. And one day, that was too much. One night, she was meant to come home from a shift to have dinner with the whole group –they had insisted, telling her they missed spending time all together- but someone badly hurt had caught her up in an OR for longer than she had expected. When she finally came home, it was to hear noises and shouts from a nearby hangar, when she knew there was a dealer’s QG. Clarke always had been curious, and had approached the local, recognizing Bellamy’s loud voice between the shouts. She had entered the hangar, and she had seen him. Finn, with a gun in his hand, shouting at people. She had heard Octavia scream. She had seen Bellamy’s eyes widen. And all she had managed to do was standing here, completely frozen, watching the father of her child murdering people, right before her eyes. Bellamy had been the first one to move, throwing himself at Finn’s arm, making him drop the gun, and then running to the people lying on the floor in a huge pool of blood.

Clarke hadn’t felt anything after. Everything had turned blank. She hadn’t fell Octavia’s strong arms hold her, and carry her to her apartment where the others were waiting for them. She hadn’t felt Raven’s touch when she was trying to make Clarke react and answer to her questions. She hadn’t slept a minute in the entire night, even with Raven Octavia and Harper sleeping with her in her bed. And the next day, when she had woken up, Finn had been there, in their living-room, with Bellamy and the other boys. No one talked about that night, and life seemed to start again. But for Clarke, something had break inside. She couldn’t look at Finn the same way. First, she was shivering every time he would touch her, and she had trouble staying alone with him sometimes.

But Ayden was born a week after, and Clarke couldn’t do much than follow Finn when he decided to buy a little house for the three of us. Clarke had been glad to escape from Arcadia and the constant violence around it, but she wasn’t that happy to go live with Finn. Eventually, he had made himself useful in the first months, helping her with Ayden, but soon enough he stopped caring about them, and Clarke stopped caring about him.  
Everything had been about Ayden ever since. Even if he was kind of an accident, he was the best thing in Clarke’s life. He had beautiful eyes; brown almost like Finn’s, but one of them had green spots in it, making them slightly different. Ayden never cried; he was always peaceful, and was laughing a lot.

Bellamy, Octavia, Raven and the others still living in Arcadia had tried to reach her, to help her with Ayden like they had helped her during her pregnancy, but Clarke had slowly pushed them away. It was not against them, Clarke knew they would protect them, but they were surrounded with violence, and Clarke knew she was surrounded by it too, and she had been trying to take care of her baby son by herself. And when he grew up, Ayden had had that same restrain against them; he didn’t talk much with them, was uncomfortable when they were touching him, and was always staying around Clarke.

But there he was, her baby son, laughing, playing and joking with a perfect stranger. Suddenly, Clarke didn’t want to leave this place. If her son trusted Lexa enough to be completely at ease around the brunette, Clarke could be too. And slowly, she let sleep take over her tired body, tired to fight and content to finally feel safe. She closed her eyes, and soon she was sleeping on Lexa’s couch. 

* * *

 

Still in their game, Lexa and Ayden hadn’t noticed Clarke falling asleep. It was Ayden’s turn to flip a card, and Lexa was internally smiling, because that kid was smart, and he was going to win the game. But Ayden didn’t choose the right card, and Lexa frowned, turning the right card. She had won. Ayden gently smiled to her, not leaving place for doubts. The boy had faked not remembering where the right card was. He had let Lexa win.

“You let me win”, Lexa stated, raising her brows at the kid, “why did you do that?”

“You had done so the past fifty games”, he shrugged, “it can’t hurt to lose sometimes”.

Lexa looked at him in awe, tearing welling in her eyes.

“Ayden...” she whispered.

She couldn’t believe it. The kid had purposely let her win.

“Hey Yexa look”, Ayden took Lexa out of her thoughts, “Mommy is sleeping”.

Lexa smiled, because _god damn she’s cute when she sleeps._ The brunette took a look at her watch. It was already late.

“Ok Ayden, do you want to shower?” Lexa asked, noticing he hadn’t showered himself for a couple of days.

“Yes”, Ayden smiled.

Lexa went to her closet to pick up some new clothes for the boy, and showed him the guest’s bathroom. She could have made him shower in her own bathroom, but she wanted to put Clarke in her bed while Ayden was showering, and she didn’t want to wake up the blonde. _Yes, put the blonde in her bed for her to sleep, not anything else, stop it Lexa._

“Who sleeps in this bedroom Yexa?” Ayden asked.

“I will”, she said, “Because I lent my bed to your mother”.

Ayden nodded, and went into the bathroom. Lexa left him so he could shower –he had assured Lexa he could do it on his own- and she got back into the living-room.

Clarke was still sleeping, and Lexa didn’t know what the right thing to do was; should she wake her? Carry her to the bedroom? The blonde looked so peaceful, and Lexa hadn’t the heart to wake her up. Slowly and carefully, she put an arm around Clarke’s shoulders and the other one under her knees. In her sleep, Clarke put both her arms around Lexa’s neck, making the other girl shiver.

The brunette put Clarke under the blankets, switch off the lights after being sure Clarke was comfortable, and made her way back to Ayden.

In the bathroom, the boy had just finished to shower himself, and was trying to dry his hair. Lexa entered the room after knocking, and couldn’t keep herself from laughing. He was funny, with the big towel on his head, rubbing and rubbing his hair.

“Let me help you”, Lexa said when Ayden frowned because she had laughed at him.

The boy handed her the towel, and she began to dry his hair. While doing so, Lexa noticed there was water everywhere on the floor near the shower; maybe Ayden wasn’t capable of showering himself properly after all, but Lexa didn’t say anything, remembering to ask Clarke about it.

“Okay Ayden, let’s go eat dinner!” The brunette said, and Ayden happily ran into the kitchen, already asking Lexa what he had to do to help her.

They made dinner together, and as they were sitting at the kitchen table, Lexa noticed Ayden seemed a little off; he was barely touching his food, just playing with it.

“Hey, is everything ok Ayden?” Lexa asked with a gentle voice. She didn’t want to scare him.

“I miss Mommy”, he sighed, pushing his plate away, “I’m not hungry”.

Lexa’s heart broke. She quickly got up, and went to kneel in front of him.

“Your mother is in my bedroom, she didn’t leave Ayden”, Lexa started to try to reassure him, but the boy shook his head.

“No Yexa, you don’t understand”, he said with a tiny voice.

Lexa’s brows rose. “Will you explain it to me then?”

“I miss Mommy being happy”, Ayden confessed, “she lost her smile because of mean Finn”.

Lexa didn’t know what to say to the kid. How could she possibly explain something to him? She didn’t even know the whole story about this Finn guy and Clarke!

“I’m sorry Ayden, but eventually it’s going to be better”, Lexa tried.

“I wish we could stay with you forever”, Ayden whispered, taking Lexa’s sleeve in his hand and playing with it, “Mommy smiles when you’re with us”.

Lexa was voiceless, and quickly put both her arms around the boy, hugging him. Lexa too, wished they could stay with her forever. In fact, who was saying they couldn’t? Lexa internally sighed, because those things couldn’t happen in real life. In real life, you couldn’t meet a homeless woman with her child, bring them home and start acting like a family together. That was impossible. And Lexa knew it well; love is weakness, love stories and happy endings were bigger worldwide lies than Santa Claus and the tooth fairy combined.

“Alright Ayden”, Lexa said when they pulled out of the hug, “Maybe you could go on the couch watch TV while I wash the dishes, ok? “

The child nodded, and went into the living-room.  

Lexa took her time washing the dishes, thinking hard about what would happen next. Clarke had been able to get up today; she definitely was strong, and in was a matter of hours before she was strong enough to run away. Lexa sighed, because she didn’t want the girl to go. She couldn’t explain why, but when they were around, she was feeling like it was right, you know? Like they were meant to be or something, like she was right at her place. _Meant to be my ass yeah,_ Lexa scolded herself, _do you hear yourself talking? They are not your family, remember? Yours is dead._

Lexa quickly wiped the tear that had rolled down her cheek. She couldn’t think about that, not as Clarke and Ayden were still under her roof.

* * *

She had finished cleaning the kitchen, and went into the living-room, to find a sleeping Ayden on the couch. She slightly smiled, because _god how cute he was when he was sleeping, just like his mother._ This time, Lexa didn’t wake him up, and carried him to her bedroom. She had figured he would want to sleep with his mother for this night. Lexa was nothing to him, after all.

She carefully pushed her bedroom’s door open, trying to make her way into the room without waking Clarke up. But then she noticed Clarke was already awake, since two blue eyes were looking right at her.

“Lexa?” Clarke whispered.  

For all answer, Lexa put the still sleeping boy on the mattress near Clarke.

“He fell asleep on the couch”, Lexa explained.

Clarke nodded, and put an arm around her son, and smiled when he snuggled closer to her, grabbing her shirt into his hands.

“Are you feeling better?” Lexa couldn’t help but asked.

Clarke’s eyes were glowing, but not because of the fever. Lexa really cared about her, after all.

“I’m ok”, the blonde whispered.

Lexa nodded, and started to leave, but Clarke stopped her, grabbing her wrist.   

“Lexa wait”

Lexa frowned, and turned herself to face Clarke.

“I... I just wanted to thank you, for all of this”, Clarke whispered pointing towards Ayden and her with her finger.

“It’s nothing”, Lexa brushed her off.

“Yes it’s something, no one else would have done it, and I don’t how I am going to repay for every...”

“Stop”, Lexa cut her off, “you owe me nothing”. Lexa sighed, and sat next to Clarke, her face at her eyes’ level.

“Clarke, I don’t know your story”, Lexa murmured, “but I would like to help you way more than that. But for that, you have to let me”.

A single tear rolled down Clarke’s cheek.

“You don’t have to do this alone”, Lexa added, “I can help.”

Clarke nodded, and without thinking, Lexa wiped her tear with her thumb, bringing their faces very close to each other. Clarke’s heart was beating fast, because the two women never had gotten so close to each other. _Is Lexa going to kiss me?_  
Lexa slowly leaned, and Clarke closed her eyes, already seeing the brunette’s lips on her own. Lexa’s heart was beating fast too, and she couldn’t believe what she was about to do. She leaned more...

But at the last second, she leveled her head and kissed the blonde’s forehead. If Clarke felt something irradiate her whole body, as well as a tiny feeling of deception, she didn’t show it. Lexa stayed a few second with her mouth on Clarke’s forehead, and then pulled back.  
None of them said something, and as Clarke didn’t seem ready to let Lexa go yet, Lexa could see the blonde was silently asked her to stay with her until she fell asleep. Lexa began to draw circles on Clarke’s forearm, drifting her to sleep in a matter of seconds.

When she was sure Clarke was asleep, Lexa went into the guest room to have some sleep for herself, thoughts rushing through her mind. _Was I really going to kiss Clarke, with her son in the same bed? ,_ Lexa thought. What was going on with her? Lying on her bed, Lexa couldn’t stop thinking about the almost kiss. Why Clarke?

Lexa sighed, and buried her face into the pillow. Soon enough she was asleep too.

* * *

 

During the night, Lexa awoke, feeling something moving in her bed, and snuggling under the blankets. She managed to open her eyes, to see Ayden snuggling against her chest, wrapping his tiny fists around her night shirt.

“Ayden?” she whispered, surprised to see him here.

“Safer with you”, Ayden yawned, half-asleep.

Lexa sleepily smiled, put both her arms around the small boy, and got back to sleep with Ayden’s breath on her neck.

Maybe happy endings weren’t that big of a lie, after all.


	13. Leaving Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, Chapter 13 is here! Enjooooy!

_Song : One Day by Alex Hedley_

 

Thursday morning, and Lexa’s phone was buzzing on her night’s stand. She growled, grabbed her phone, and left the room. Ayden had spent the night on the couch with her, and she didn’t want to wake him since it was still early. She looked at her phone. Titus was calling. Lexa rolled her eyes at the time; 6am. What the fuck did he want at that time?

“Lexa Woods”, she said on the phone.

“Sorry to disturb you this early Heda”, Titus immediately apologized, “but you need to get here quickly”.

Lexa frowned. What was going on?

“What is it, Titus? I told you I wasn’t going to come to work for a day or two”, she growled. She didn’t want to leave Ayden and Clarke on their own here; what if something happened when she was away?

“It’s better for you to come here Heda”, Titus said again, “it’s complicated to explain”.

“Tell me”, Lexa snapped.

She didn’t like Titus, and now that he was making mysteries about something apparently important, her patience was limited.

“Did you see today’s newspaper Heda?” Titus asked instead.

Lexa frowned again, and went to her post box, taking the newspaper from it. Since she was basically the owner of the newspaper, she always had one waiting for her in her post box.

Her eyes looked at the first page, and Lexa gasped when she read the headlines.

“Titus, I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call for an urgent meeting”, the brunette ordered.

She hung up the phone and rushed into her apartment, to find a worried Ayden looking everywhere.

“Yexa, I thought you left”, he said with his bottom lip slightly shaking.

“No, I just went to check the post box”, Lexa answered, taking her coat.

She saw Ayden frown, of course. She threw the newspaper on the counter.

“I have to go to work for an hour, maybe two”, Lexa explained while she took a piece of paper and a pen, “I won’t be long I promise”.

Ayden slowly approached her, tugging at her t-shirt.

“Yexa, are you leaving us?” he asked.

Lexa’s heart broke at the sound of his voice. She knelt at his eyes’ level.

“Listen to me. You’re in my home Ayden, I’m not leaving you, I have to go for a while, but you can wait for me here, and when I’ll be back, maybe we could cook some pancakes for breakfast?”

Ayden’s eyes widened, and he clapped his hands.

“Pancakes with maple syrup Yexa?”

“Obviously”, Lexa laughed at the boy’s reaction. 

Ayden then nodded, and released Lexa’s shirt.

“Ok buddy, this is for your mommy when she wakes up”, Lexa said giving him the piece of paper she had wrote a note to Clarke on, “You’ll give it to her?”

“Yeah I will!” Ayden nodded, taking the note from Lexa’s hands.

Lexa smiled, and got outside, Gustus’ car already waiting for her. Of course Titus had sent her driver to pick her up, and if Lexa wasn’t in such a rush, she would have ignored him. But she needed to go to work really quickly, and Gustus would do the job quite fine. 

* * *

 

Ten minutes later and Lexa was rushing into her office. Of course Titus was there, the newspaper on his hand.

“What the meaning of this, Titus?” Lexa snapped.

On the newspaper, we could read “ ** _Lexa Woods running for Mayor, winning the homeless people with sweaters”._** Below the headlines, there were pics of Lexa; we couldn’t properly see the faces, but Lexa knew that picture had been taken when she had given the sweater to Ayden, and another one had been taken when she had been talking with Clarke while Ayden was playing football. Lexa was seeing red.

“Why is this piece of shit telling I’m running for Mayor, Titus?” She growled.

Titus bowed his head. He had helped and taught a lot of CEOs, but Lexa was still intimidating.

“We talked about this Heda, and...”

“No we didn’t talk about it! You said to me some people would vote for me, and I told you I didn’t feel like it!”

Lexa was fuming. A month ago, Titus had informed her some people would have wanted her to run for Polis’ Mayor, because she was the most influent woman on the whole city after all, and if someone could change things, it would be her. But Lexa hadn’t really agreed to the idea; being CEO was already too much for Lexa most of the time –even if she always looked like she was handling this perfectly-  she couldn’t be both CEO and Mayor of the city.

“Did you give that information to the press, or not?” Lexa asked, tightening her teeth.

“No Head I did not”, Titus answered, “I didn’t talk about it with anyone, except...”

He stopped talking, like he had figured something out, and Lexa noticed it, as Titus was lowering his head in what looked like shame.

“Who did you talk about this with?” Lexa growled.

As Titus wasn’t saying a word, Lexa got closer to him.

“Answer me”.

“I talked about it with Nia”, he confessed, “when she came to the meeting you missed”. 

Lexa’s eyes widened. Of course he had talked to Nia about it, and she was a hundred percent sure Nia White had been the one to tell the press.

“Why?”

“She engaged the conversation, and wanted to know if you were going to run for Mayor”, Titus answered, still bowing his head not to meet Lexa’s look, “and I told her you were thinking about it”.

Lexa sat at her desk, taking her head on her hands. She was figuring Nia White’s entire plan. It was a great move, telling the press Lexa was going to run for Mayor, because now she would have big trouble denying it. And Nia knew being Coalition Corp.’s CEO was a lot to handle, and that Lexa wasn’t probably capable of doing both. _She wants me to screw everything up by having too much stuff to handle at the same time,_ Lexa thought. _So she can take my place._

“If I may ask Heda, who are those people?” Titus carefully asked.

Lexa’s eyes widened when she remembered the people on the picture. Clarke and Ayden. Their faces were blurred, but Lexa knew it was them. Who else could it be anyway?

“They are friends of mine”, Lexa sighed, not wanting to give away more information to Titus, especially if he was going to tell Nia White all about it.

Titus nodded, and thought well not to add anything. Lexa was clearly pissed, and he didn’t want to upset her more than she already was.

“Is everyone here?” Lexa asked, talking about the people waiting for her in her meeting room.

Titus nodded again, and the both of them entered the room.

* * *

 On Lexa’s loft, Clarke was beginning to wake up, feeling a little thirsty. Like the morning before, she had to take five minutes to remember where she was. At Lexa’s.

She sat herself on the bed, taking a look at her surroundings.  Lexa wasn’t here, neither was Ayden. Clarke frowned, not hearing a single noise from the living-room. She got up, and walked into the living-room. No one was here, and Clarke frowned even more. Then, she heard a small voice talking from another room, at the opposite of the one she had been sleeping in. She silently approached the room, and smiled when she saw who was inside.

Ayden was lying on his back, playing with the covers and his feet, building a tent or something, making small noises with his mouth.

“Hey honey”, Clarke gently said.

“Mommy!” Ayden jumped out of the bed, throwing himself at Clarke, who laughed when her son hit her full force.

“Did you sleep well?” Clarke asked him. She hadn’t noticed when he had gotten out of bed.

“Yeah”, he said, “I slept here with Yexa and this bed is nice!”

Clarke frowned. Weren’t they in Lexa’s bedroom when she fell asleep?

“You slept with Lexa?”

“Yes!”, Ayden confirmed, “you were putting your hair on my face and it was tickling me! So I got up and came with Yexa!”

Clarke was surprised her son had slept with Lexa, because he wasn’t like him to sleep with someone else than his mother, but she didn’t add anything else about that subject.

“Ayden, where is Lexa?” she asked instead.

The boy’s eyes widened remembering something and he pulled Clarke towards the kitchen, handing her the piece of paper Lexa had given him an hour earlier. Clarke curiously took it, and began to read it.

 

_Clarke if you wake up,_

_I went out to go to work for a couple hours, I’ll be back soon._

_Lexa._

 

Clarke was almost glad Lexa left a note at her attention, but then she spotted something on the counter. She took a look at it, and Clarke gasped, the way Lexa had done it before, reading the headlines on the newspaper. Clarke recognized Ayden and herself on the pictures, at the exact moment Lexa had gave her son a sweater.

Clarke’s head was spinning while she was reading the headlines for the thousandth time. Lexa Woods. She hadn’t recognize her, but now that she had seen her real name, she almost face-palmed herself for not knowing who Lexa really was. Octavia and Raven had talked a hundred times about Lexa Woods, and anyone in the city knew her face. Why Clarke hadn’t recognized her the second she had seen her? Right now, her heart was aching. All that Lexa had done for them had been about pity. Maybe it had been to win votes for her campaign. Suddenly, the blonde was feeling sick, but not because of her fever.

She angrily took the pen Lexa used and wrote something under Lexa’s words. She spotted her bags in a corner of the living-room, and tossed Ayden’s and her dirty clothes into the bags.

“Come on Ayden put your shoes on”, she said.

Ayden frowned, not understanding why he had to put his shoes on. Lexa had said it was ok to walk bare foot. Seeing that Ayden wasn’t doing what she had told him to do, the blonde took Ayden by the hand and sat him on the couch, putting the shoes on his feet.

“Mommy why do I need shoes? Where is Yexa?” Ayden said a pout on his lips.

“Lexa is gone and we have to go home now”, Clarke snapped, clearly angry towards the brunette.

Clarke tried to reach Ayden’s hand to make him go the front door, but he pulled away, putting both his hands behind his back, taking a few steps away from her mother.

“Mommy we can’t go”, Ayden whispered with a teary voice. The boy knew something was wrong, because ten minutes earlier her mother had been happy, and now she had that angry face she was making when Finn had done something wrong.

Clarke tried to reach him another time, but he suddenly ran away from her.

“I don’t want to go!” Ayden yelled into the apartment.

The blonde was on the verge of screaming. She just wanted to go out of here as fast as possible. She didn’t want to owe anything to Lexa, and her son was making things extremely difficult.

Ayden ran around the whole apartment, and came back to his mother with the note on his hand. Clarke almost face-palmed herself. Ayden knew how to read, and he had obviously read the note Lexa left and the words Clarke had written under it, even if he probably didn’t understand all the words. He looked at his mother, his bottom lip shaking.

“Mommy, Yexa is coming back. She is a good person. She said we would eat pancakes. We can’t leave”.

Clarke gritted her teeth together to keep herself from yelling at Ayden.

“Ayden, we can’t stay here. We don’t know Lexa. She doesn’t care about us. She pities us.”

“That’s not true”, Ayden began to cry, “and she likes me”.

Clarke knew Lexa would be back soon, and she didn’t want to be there when Lexa would come back. She put her bags on her shoulders, taking Ayden’s hand in hers by force.

“Ayden. Lexa is not your mother”, Clarke said, “I am. She is not your father. Finn is. You know that. And now we have to go back home”.

Ayden’s eyes widened in fear.

“No, mommy please, no, I don’t want to see him”, he cried even more.

Clarke was about to explode. Ayden had always be an easy child, why was he making a big deal out of this now? She took him in her arms, heading outside, banging Lexa’s door behind them. Secretly she hoped Lexa would be back soon, because she didn’t want somebody to come through the unlocked door and rob her.

She quickly disappeared at the corner of the street, praying they wouldn’t meet with Lexa. Clarke stopped once she reached the corner, taking a second to look back, with a very confused Ayden sniffing and crying in her arms. Maybe she shouldn’t have run. Maybe Lexa was really trying to help them. Hell even Ayden trusted her, him who didn’t want to talk to anyone except of her mother. Clarke sighed. _She would have used you for politics and God knows what else,_ Clarke tried to persuade herself. But she wasn’t fooling anyone, not even herself; there was something buried deep inside, which was making her feel like leaving home. But she shook her head, because she didn’t even know where home was anyways. Finally able to move, she began to head toward their house, a hint of regret deep within her. _Farewell Lexa,_ she thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't kill me! I'll update on sunday, so be patient! Thanks for the lot of reviews I receive, it warms my heart a lot! You can find me on twitter and instagram @sixtineschmidt if you want to chat more or anything else!


	14. Don't Forget About Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so this is a long chapter! Lexa is finding out they left, what is she gonna do? Plus, I wanted to give all of you an explanation about me choosing the word "maire" instead of "mayor"! In america, they use "Maire", and as I had heard that word in a tv show, I figured out it would works, sorry for those who didn't really understand me last chapter, I corrected it :)
> 
> Finally, I just wanted to say that Lexa and Clarke don't know each other, they don't know how the other thinks, what the other thinks, and they can't know if the other's intentions are bad or not! So don't be too mad at Clarke for running away, for all she knows, Lexa could really be using her! We know she's not because I write Lexa's thoughts down, but Clarke cannot know those feelings. Be patient with our blondie ! ;)

_Song : Don’t forget about me by Cloves_

 

Back in her building, Lexa sat at her desk, taking a few minutes break, exhausted after her meeting. Because of Titus, she had had to explain why she wasn’t actually running for Mayor, and all the directors of the companies had argued with her about her decision.

And of course, that tiny moment of silence had to be broken by Titus who came into her office, still trying to convince her.

“Heda, if I may say, it would be a great thing for...”

“I don’t want to hear about that Titus”, Lexa snapped. “I don’t want to be Mayor. It wouldn’t serve my people well. End of discussion”.

Of course, Titus wanted to argue more, but he had learned not to push Lexa too much if she had already said no. Instead, he bowed his head and left the room, closing the door behind him.

Lexa sighed, and suddenly remembered Clarke and Ayden were at her place, waiting for her to come back. At least, Ayden was waiting. She had promised pancakes after all, and Lexa never broke promises. It was sacred.

At the moment she got up to take her coat and head outside, Anya made her way into her office.

“Hey Lex, where are you going?” Anya asked.

“I’m going back home”, Lexa answered, putting her coat on.

Anya frowned. Lexa never went home in the middle of the day, and she was sure that if Lexa could actually sleep in her office, she would do so.

“At nine in the morning?” Anya asked suspiciously.

“Yes. Ayden and Clarke are waiting for me”.

Anya’s eyes widened at hearing their names. Why were they still at Lexa’s? Everything was so weird; Lexa didn’t even know these people!

“Lexa, why are they still at your place?”, Anya started, “you don’t know these people. For what we know she could be a criminal hiding herself!”

“Come on Anya you know she’s not!” Lexa growled back.

“We can’t know for sure. Nobody invite strangers they meet in the streets into their house!”, Anya stated, raising her voice a little to make her point, “what if she is after your money? Everyone knows your face Lexa”.

Lexa snorted, because she knew she was known to a lot of people, but not to Clarke apparently.

“She doesn’t know who I am”, Lexa said, “and she didn’t even want my help at the first place”.

Anya sighed, seeing her cousin wasn’t about to change her mind. She was still afraid though, because Clarke didn’t look like a bad person, and Anya had to admit Ayden was really sweet, but they didn’t know them. It was too much of a risk.

“Be careful Lexa”, Anya just said, “with Nia on your back, things are going to get complicated”.

 _If you get yourself to care about Blondie and her son,_ Anya added in her head. Lexa just nodded.

“Tell Titus my appointments are to be cancelled today”, she ordered, and the brunette headed outside.

* * *

 In the streets, Lexa quickened her pace, knowing she was gone for a couple of hours now, and she didn’t want to come back home finding a crying Ayden, thinking Lexa had left him alone. She remembered she had promise maple syrup with the pancakes, and stopped by a grocery store on her way back. The little shop was crowded by people, and it took a long time finding what she was looking for. _Why has everyone the need to do groceries on Thursday morning?_ She finally reached her front door, looking for her keys. She tried to unlock the door, but frowned. It wasn’t locked. She was sure she had locked it before leaving. A weird feeling began to grow in her chest.

She entered her apartment, putting the grocery bag on the counter. 

“Ayden, I’m back! Are you hungry?” She asked at loud, removing her coat.

No answer. Lexa frowned again; she was surprised he wasn’t already running into the kitchen. Ayden was always running, and she didn’t have to live with him for more than two days to figure that out.

Suddenly, something hit her. The bags. They were no bags in her living-room. Clarke’s bags weren’t there anymore. Her heart began to pound in her chest, and she rushed to her bedroom. They weren’t there.

“Ayden?”, she called again, “Ayden?”

She run around the whole apartment, like Ayden had done it an hour ago, looking for her. But obviously that was something she wouldn’t know.

Lexa stopped looking after a while, facing the facts. They were gone. They had left while she was out. She let herself fall onto the couch, a sudden urge to cry. Of course Clarke would have run at the first time she got.  
Then, she noticed the note she wrote to Clarke still on the counter. She got up and picked the piece of paper up, and her heart ached when she read what Clarke had written under her own words.

_We don’t want your pity. We won’t let you use us for your campaign. Sorry for the clothes we took. Clarke._

Lexa then noticed the newspaper next to the note. _Of course Clarke had to see that and interpret it,_ Lexa mentally shouted. Why Clarke would have thought differently? _  
_ Full of anger, Lexa crushed the note into a ball, throwing it across the room. She knew that as soon as Clarke would wake up, she would tell her to stop helping them, but she had hoped that, maybe, she would have accepted to stay a little longer here with Ayden. Now, thanks to Titus and Nia and the whole company she owned, all hopes were dead now.

Lexa buried her face into a pillow. She was stupid, so stupid. Why was she doing that to herself? She couldn’t let herself feel right now. _Feelings are weakness. Love is weakness._ Lexa knew this, and she had learned it the hardest way. Lexa sat properly, shaking her head to bring some lucidity within her. _I will never see them again. And it is for the best._

She took a look at her watch. 10 Am. She took her phone, and called Titus.

“Heda?” He immediately answered, “is everything ok?”

Lexa sighed into the phone. This guy was always worried about her. Titus was a sort of manager, he was supposed to help her leading the companies, teaching her stuff, because Lexa was too young to know all there was to know about business. Titus had been here, from the start, and Lexa knew he had experience with helping CEOs, but she was not a child anymore. She still needed him to be a god CEO, but nothing else.

“I am fine, Titus. Reset my meetings for today. I’m coming to the office.”

“It will be done, Heda.”

Lexa hung up, and sighed again. She was beginning to have that tiny feeling of an empty space inside her, but she quickly ignored it and went into the bathroom to change, completely forgetting about the pancakes she was about to make a few minutes earlier.

* * *

 Walking in the streets after leaving Lexa’s loft, Ayden was still sniffing, but he was now walking beside Clarke, his tiny hand in hers, almost clinging to her right arm. She had decided to take the longer way around the neighbourhood. She didn’t talk to the others since three weeks now, and she knew they were probably trying to reach her. She even had turned her phone off, not wanting Bellamy or anyone to call her every two hours to know where she was, even though she had promised to always keep it on. Clarke knew she needed help and she couldn’t continue like this much longer, and that she couldn’t go out of this crap without them, god how bad she knew she couldn’t properly take care of Ayden on her own, and it was tearing her apart. But she wasn’t ready. Not yet. She had to figure it out by herself. But being with Lexa for just even a couple of days was making her feel like she didn’t want to have to figure it out by herself. Clarke shook her thoughts out of her head as they were finally in front of their house. _It’s been three weeks,_ Clarke thought. _He calmed himself now. We are safe._ She saw how Ayden was clinging to her arm, trying to be as close to her as possible. And this was breaking her heart too.

She unlocked the door, making her way into the house. She gasped when she realize the shape of the floor; everything was broken. Flash from this night were coming into her mind, and she had to force herself not to cry. Her body was still sore from three weeks ago. Finn went mad, and exploded. Clarke could still feel some light bruises. Fortunately, Ayden was asleep that night, and Clarke thanked god that he didn’t see anything. Clarke could feel Ayden shaking against her. Seeing all of this mess was terrifying him.

But Clarke couldn’t know he remembered, too. He was supposed to be asleep, but the noise downstairs had waking him up, and he had gotten up to see what was going on. He was only five, but he knew things were supposed to be different. He knew that Finn wasn’t supposed to grab his mother like this. He knew he wasn’t supposed to throw at Clarke every object he could find, breaking it against a wall or the floor. He knew this was wrong. And he was really afraid, for him and his mother.

Ayden get closer to his mom, wishing they still could be with Lexa, eating pancakes for breakfast. Ayden knew she wasn’t his mother nor his father, but Lexa had at least protected them, and she saved his mom. And Ayden felt safe with her. Clarke kneeled down next to Ayden, switching her phone back on.

“Maybe you could go to your room and play some games on my phone? I need to find your father and clean the house a little”, she said.

Ayden weakly nodded and run into his bedroom upstairs.

Clarke carefully did the tour of the house to see if Finn was there. Fortunately, he wasn’t. Maybe he was at work. Probably not. She sighed, and went into the kitchen to take a trash bag to clean the mess they had made three weeks ago. _Three weeks ago, and it’s like Finn hadn’t been here at all,_ Clarke thought. But then she withdrew her words, seeing all the empty alcohol bottles on the coffee table in the living-room. Clarke carefully put all the glass bottles in a carton to throw them away later. Then, she began to clean the rest of the house up, being careful not to cut herself on the broken glass of frame pictures. She had to restraint herself hard from crying when she spotted the broken frame of her father and herself. She couldn’t be weak now. Her mind was constantly wondering about Lexa. Did the brunette was back home now? Did she find out they were gone? What was she thinking right now? Clarke shook her head, because she couldn’t think about this. Lexa had wanted to use them. Clarke had made the right decision by leaving. Didn’t she? Still, she was hoping that maybe, Lexa wasn’t going to forget about them.

It took her an hour to pick everything up from the floor and make the house clean again. She was washing the dishes, when the door opened. Her blood froze. Finn was here.

Finn leaned on the kitchen’s door, apparently surprised to see Clarke. Clarke’s eyes widened too, because he had bruises all over his face, and his nose was now making a weird angle. Did he get caught in a fight? Since when Finn was fighting?

“Clarke, you’re home”, Finn stated, a beamed smile slowly rising on his face.

Clarke nodded, not very sure about what to do. He didn’t seem mad, but she couldn’t be sure.

“I’ve missed you”, he said, getting closer to her, “and I’m hungry. Can you make dinner?”

Clarke had to keep herself from taking a few steps away from him; she didn’t know what his reaction could be now.

“Ok Finn” she said instead “but I have to make a few groceries before because the fridge is empty”.

Finn frowned, but nodded.

“Ok.”

Clarke wanted to ask questions about his face, but didn’t. As Clarke carefully passed him, a strong smell of alcohol hit her nose. Finn was drunk. That’s why he was acting weird. Suddenly, Clarke wasn’t so sure about leaving the house and letting Finn be alone with her son. But she knew that if she wasn’t making dinner soon, he would get angry real fast, and she didn’t want that to happen, no really she didn’t.

As on cue, Finn started to walk in the house –it was more like he was wavering really, because he didn’t seem able to properly stand on his feet-.

“Where is Ayden?” he called.

Clarke hesitated to respond to him. He never had hit Ayden, but still.

“Where is my son, woman?” Finn said again, burping.

Clarke shivered.

“Upstairs. I’m going to do the groceries now”.

Finn nodded, and let himself fall onto the couch.

Clarke hated herself for not being able to say no. For not being able to kick him out. For not being able to protect herself and Ayden, for not being able to ask for help or accept some. She hated herself so much, because she was so weak.

A single tear rolled down her cheek as she headed outside. It was her life. And she wasn’t in control of it.

* * *

 The end of the day was coming, and Lexa was fuming in her office. Everything was wrong. Her colleagues were incapables, her secretary was always messing things up with the papers Lexa had to sign, the coffee an assistant had bring her wasn’t hot enough, Titus had forgotten to tell her one of the company’s boss had called, and sundown was here way too soon. And when another assistant had had the nerve to come into her office and telling her the press wanted to talk to her about her running for Mayor, it had been the straw that broke the camel, or as they said in France, _la goutte qui fait déborder le vase,_ the drop which makes the vase overflow.

Lexa had gotten up, and had yelled at her assistant, telling him to go to hell because she didn’t want to talk to the press because _I’M FUCKING NOT RUNNING FOR MAYOR_. The poor guy had never run that fast out of Lexa’s office.

Of course, Anya had been near, and was quick to make her way towards Lexa, locking the door beside her.

“You’re here”, Anya stated.

Lexa sighed, raising her hands in the air.

“Yes I’m fucking here, where do you want me to be?” she almost yelled at her cousin.

If Anya was surprised about Lexa’s outburst, she didn’t show it.

“Control yourself, Heda”, Anya said, clearly not impressed by the girl.

Lexa took a deep breath to calm her down, because her cousin was right. She was Heda. She couldn’t show her emotions like this, whatever they were. Hell, Lexa didn’t even know why she was so angry.

 “I thought you were going to look after Blondie and her boy”, Anya stated again when Lexa had calmed herself down a little. .

“Well I’m not because they left”, Lexa answered, still not looking at her.

Anya could see Lexa had clenched her teeth together, and that wasn’t a good sign.

“I’m sorry”, the older woman said.

She didn’t know what else to say. Lexa had always been the one to tell her love was weakness. That feeling things was weakness, and that in order to survive, they had to shut those feelings down. Lexa wasn’t use to feel things, and Anya wasn’t for sure use to see Lexa feel. Her younger cousin had had feelings, once, but well... It didn’t turn out that well. So Anya didn’t understand Lexa’s state of mind right now. Was she sad because they had left? Was she just angry because she had had a rough day? The second possibility was quickly out of Anya’s mind though, because Lexa had had really tougher days back in the past.

“I’m fine Anya”, Lexa snapped, closing the files on her desk, and getting her stuff to head back home.

“Do you want us to have dinner together tonight?” Anya carefully asked, already knowing the answer to that question.

“No I have work to do”, Lexa coldly answered.

Anya nodded, wished her a good evening and got out of the office. She knew well not to push Lexa, especially when she was cold and stoic and closed up like this. She sighed, and got out of the building to head to her own place.

* * *

 Lexa tightened the scarf around her neck to keep the cold wind to freeze her. She was walking fast, in a hurry to be at home. But then, she spotted something she knew she would recognize everywhere. A silhouette she knew well. Clarke. Lexa quickly thought about hiding herself somewhere or entering a shop to avoid crossing path with Clarke, but she lost the time she had thinking about what to do, and soon enough Clarke was almost bumping into her.

Recognition flashed into Clarke’s eyes at the sight of the brunette she had almost hit.

“Lexa”.

“Clarke”.

Neither of them knew what to do or what to say, but Clarke cut Lexa off as soon as she started to speak.

“Clarke listen...”

“No you listen”, Clarke said, “I’m grateful for what you did for us, but we are not people you can use to win votes”.

Lexa wanted to protest, she desperately wanted to explain everything to Clarke, to tell her it was not what had happened, that it was all because of that bitch Nia, but every single word she was trying to make were dying in her throat as Clarke was piercing her with her blue eyes.

“We are not that easy to win. Bye, Lexa”.

Clarke turned around and walked away, leaving a frozen Lexa in the middle of the pavement. What had just happened? Lexa was so angry at herself for not being able to explain the misunderstanding to Clarke. Right now, she wanted to run after her and force the blonde to listen to her, but Lexa had pride too. Clarke didn’t want to see her again. And Lexa decided she didn’t want to either.

But of course, Lexa was not fooling anyone, not even herself. The girl sighed as she held her hand in the air to call for a cab.

She recognised the car as soon as it parked next to her, and she made a small smile at Lincoln to great him. Lincoln smiled back noticing the stoic facade Lexa had put on her face, and didn’t try to make conversation with her because obviously she didn’t want to talk today. Lincoln made her give him her destination, and he didn’t have to put the address of Lexa’s loft in his GPS anymore. He began to drive, and increased the radio’s volume. Soon, a calming melody was filling the car.

 _If I fall, can you pull me up?_  
_Is it true, you’re watching out_  
_And when I'm tired, do you lay down with me?_  
_In my head so I can sleep without you?_

Lexa leaned her head against the window, watching the buildings scroll in front of her eyes.

 _And hey, hey_  
_without you there’re holes in my soles_  
_Hey, hey_  
_let the water in_

Lexa’s mind was full of images about a certain blonde, sleeping on her bed, sleeping on the couch, smiling back at her, or watching her son run in the grass. Her mind was full of images with Ayden too, when they had played games, eat together, that moment when she had awoke feeling him snuggling in her bed, or the many times he had slept on her chest, his nose buried in her neck.

 _Where ever you've gone?_  
_How, how, how?_  
_I just need to know_  
_that you won't forget about me_

 _Where ever you've gone?_  
_How, how, how?_  
_I just need to know_  
_that you won't forget about me_

Lincoln stopped the car in front of Lexa’s door, and Lexa obviously gave him more money than needed. They nodded at each other, and Lexa got back inside. She closed the door, and leaned on it for a few seconds, taking a look at her loft which was a lot emptier than the day before. She took her coat off, threw her shoes in the shoes’ basket –yeah, in France her and her family had a huge basket to put their shoes into- and got into the kitchen to make something to eat. She noticed the dishes in the sink. Tonight, she would be eating alone. She opened the fridge, to close it a minute after. Lexa’s wasn’t hungry. She spotted the newspaper, this piece of crap which had made Clarke run away, and passed a finger on the pictures.

“Don’t forget about me”, Lexa whispered.

Then, she threw the newspaper in the bin, and got into her bedroom, completely exhausted about her day.

She was now lying on her bed, closing her eyes. But suddenly, a certain smell reached her nose. Clarke’s sent was all over the sheets. Lexa buried her face into the pillows. And for the first time in a while, Lexa was feeling alone.

 _And I get lonely without you_  
_And I can't move on_  
_And I get lonely without you_  
_I can't move on_  
_Move on..._

A single tear rolled down Lexa’s cheek. Sleep was hard to find that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is all for today! Next chapter will be out on tuesday! And did you see? The 100 is coming back on february!!!!! I know a lot of you are still hurting about Lexa's death, but please don't boycott the show because of that. Clarke needs us, she lost Lexa too! 
> 
> See ya all later! 
> 
> PS: find me on twitter "sixtineschmidt" in you want to talk more about... Anything! ;)


	15. Someone To Care

_Sledgehammer by Rihanna but Emma Heesters Cover_

Friday evening and Clarke was slowly awaking. The first thing she noticed was that she was alone in bed. Last night, Clarke had made dinner, Finn Ayden and her had eaten together and Clarke had been thanking God because nothing bad had happened, and they all had went to sleep. Fortunately, Finn hadn’t touched her, and Clarke had thanked God for that too. She wasn’t really a believer but right now, she needed to think someone was looking out for Ayden and her. She frowned, because Finn wasn’t here with her, and he hadn’t been the first up in the house in a very long time. Clarke put a sweater on, and went downstairs. Ayden was up too, and he was playing with a few toys in the living-room.

“Good morning Honey”, Clarke said, leaning to kiss his head, but Ayden moved a little so she couldn’t kiss him.

Clarke’s heart broke. She was sure Ayden had just rejected her, even if he was acting like he didn’t, acting like he hadn’t meant to move away from her.

“Hi mom”, Ayden said, not looking at her, and Clarke’s heart exploded in a thousand pieces. Ayden had never called her mom, always mommy. Ayden didn’t love her anymore.

Clarke forced herself to not let the tears fall down, and got into the kitchen to make breakfast. She was worried about Finn; not worried something had happened to him, because if she was completely honest she didn’t really care, but worried about where he was and what his reaction was going to be once he would be back home. Clarke knew there was a possibility he went in a bar to drink, but she put that idea far away from her mind, not wanting to think about it.

* * *

 Half an hour later, Finn was making his way on the living-room and crashed on the couch. Clarke’s nose tinkled, because booze’s smell was all over him. Clarke quickly gave a plate to Ayden, telling him to go eat and play in his room while she was speaking with his father. The boy nodded, not even looking at his mother. Clarke’s heart broke even more, and she watched her kid going upstairs. But what Clarke didn’t see was a tiny hand sliding in her coat’s pocket, taking her phone.

Once Ayden was upstairs, Clarke put a plate on the coffee table for Finn, and sat in a chair a few feet away from her boyfriend. _Could she really call him “boyfriend” though?_

“Finn”, she said, “what happened to your face?”

Clarke knew this surely wasn’t a good idea to ask, but she couldn’t look at him without wondering what had taken place. Finn slowly opened his eyes, and Clarke could see he was still clearly drunk. He put a hand on his face, getting up a little, and chuckled.

“Bellamy came by. Told me some crap. Hit me on the face.”

Clarke’s eyes widened. Bellamy never liked Finn, but he wouldn’t have hit him if it wasn’t for a good reason. If Bellamy had hit him, he had seen the house. He knew what was going on, and he probably had told everyone.

“Clarke come here”, Finn said trying to reach her, “I’m glad you’re back, I love you; let’s make another baby”.

His breath hit Clarke’s nose and she made disgust face she was too long to hide. Finn saw it, and a flash of anger passed by his eyes.

“What is it? You don’t want to have sex with me anymore?” he asked, getting closer to Clarke, “what happened Clarke, I remember you were a sex beast”, he said, smirking.

Clarke rolled her eyes, trying to get rid of him by walking towards the kitchen.

“Where did you put my bottles anyway?” he shouted at her as she was leaving.

“In the bin, Finn”, Clarke answered.

And it was clearly the wrong answer, because he saw red.

“How did you dare?!”

Clarke’s eyes widened. It was the Finn she was so afraid of. She tried to take a few steps back, but he didn’t let her.

“Stay here”, he growled, “Who do you think you are? Why don’t you want to have sex with me? You are seeing someone else, is that it? You’re screwing someone else, Clarke, is that why you were gone?”

Now, Finn was shouting, and Clarke was scared. Really scared. She had a feeling it would not end well. She never should have come back. She should have told her friends. She should even have stayed with Lexa.

“Is this your lover’s clothes”, he shouted, half-reaping the shirt Clarke was wearing, “are the ones I buy you not enough?”

They didn’t see the little boy watching them from the stairs, tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Answer me, Griffin!” Finn shouted. Suddenly, he grabbed a vine bottle Clarke had forgotten to throw, and he threw it at her in a single move.  

Clarke didn’t see it coming, and the bottle hit her right in the chest, making her fall to the floor, her breath cut. As she was falling hard on the floor, she finally saw him with her blurred eyes; her little boy, running upstairs. A tear rolled down her cheek.

* * *

 Upstairs, Ayden had run into his bedroom and was hearing everything. He had buried himself under the blankets of his bed, trying to shut everything down. He knew it wasn’t supposed to be this way. Her mommy wasn’t supposed to be hit by anyone, and Ayden was feeling so, so useless and unworthy. He had spent all night crying, angry at the whole world because he didn’t understand. He knew life wasn’t this. He knew a family wasn’t this. He knew someone was supposed to protect him, because he was only five and he couldn’t do anything on his own. So why nobody was taking care of him? Ayden was now sobbing in his bed, wishing someone would come to pick him up and carry him far away, anyone really, just someone to take care of him and tell him everything would be ok. He was crying, alone and scared, waiting for the storm to pass.

But then, he heard her mother scream, and it was too much for the five year old. He pulled out of his pocket the tiny piece of paper Lexa had given his mother a while ago, with her phone number on it. He switched on the phone he had stolen from her mother, and composed the number for the second time this week, crying for his mommy who was in trouble.

“Hello?” Said the voice into the phone.

Ayden burst into more tears when he heard Lexa’s voice.

“Yexa”, the boy cried, “please come and get me Yexa, he is mad again, he is going to kill mommy”.

* * *

 Lexa was sat at her desk and she almost fell backwards when she heard Ayden’s teary voice and the words he was saying.

“What? Ayden, where are you?”

“I am at home”, he responded, “Yexa I’m scared, come pick me up...”

Lexa was trying really not to cry too in hearing Ayden’s despair. It took her half a second to make her decision. Today, she was supposed to give a conference with important people to talk about why she wouldn’t be running for Mayor, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was the boy calling her for the second time to come help him. She took her coat and keys and locked her office, ready to go pick them up. 

“Where do you live, Ayden? Where is your house? “

“I don’t know”, he cried even more.

A scream suddenly pierced into the phone, far behind. Lexa’s blood went cold when she recognized Clarke’s voice.

“Ayden, listen to me. Can you describe me where you are? Like you did when you called me in the park. What is around your house?”

“Hum there is a park with swings near my house”, he choked on every word, “and there is a café where mommy sometimes buys me donuts, it’s red and brown.”

_Skaikru Café. Thanks God I know this place._

“Ok Ayden I know the café, what’s the number of your house?”

Lexa rushed downstairs the building, trying to get a cab.

“I don’t know”, cried Ayden, “but my house has blue shutters, clear blue like Mommy’s eyes”.

“OK don’t panic Ayden, I’m going to get you and your mommy, alright? I’ll be there soon!”

“Be quick Yexa please”, said Ayden, now sobbing.

Lexa rushed into the first cab she got, yelling her destination to the driver; giving him five times the money she needed to pay asking him to be as quick as possible.

* * *

 Downstairs, it didn’t seem it was going to be over soon. Finn was enraged, and was trying to ripe more of Clarke’s clothes.

“What do you have to say in your defense Clarke? Are you afraid of me? Are you fucking afraid Clarke?” Finn was shouting.

And suddenly, Clarke saw it. Finn’s hand clenched into a fist, coming into her direction. Too late, she couldn’t avoid it. She fell on the floor again in a matter of seconds. Her vision went dark for a moment, but then, she could feel Finn’s foot hitting her in her ribs. There was nothing she could do. She was going to die under his foot, right now, lying on the floor, with her son upstairs, probably scared to death of the man who was supposed to be his father.  
A single tear rolled down on her cheek. His son was going to die soon too, and there was nothing she could do. She was already fading.

But suddenly, she heard a voice she didn’t expect.

* * *

 It had taken Lexa five minutes to reach Ayden’s and Clarke’s neighbourhood. She had thanked God for having her buildings so close to them, and she had found the house easily with Ayden’s description. In front of the house, she had heard Clarke scream once again, and hadn’t waited to burst into the house.

Her eyes widened. She recognized Finn the moment she saw him. It was an older version of Ayden really, but an angry and mad version of him. Then, she saw Clarke lying on the floor, half-unconscious, and Finn ready to hit her again. She didn’t think twice about what she was about to do. She tackled Finn to the floor, thanking herself for being sporty and muscular.

“Don’t touch her!” Lexa said, getting up fast.

She took a quick look at Clarke, eyes closed. Her nose was bleeding. She didn’t have time to check on her, because Finn was back on his feet and tried to punch Lexa. But Lexa was faster than him, much faster, and hit him in the jaw, instantly knocking him cold. She waited a moment, panting, waiting to see if he was going to get back up again. He didn’t, and Lexa rushed to Clarke, taking her cheeks in her hands.

“Clarke? Clarke can you hear me?”

Lexa relieved the breath she didn’t knew she was holding when Clarke slowly opened her eyes, a tear falling down, and pulling back from Lexa.

“It’s ok Clarke, it’s ok, this is Lexa, you’re ok, Finn won’t hurt you anymore. It’s ok”, Lexa tried to reassure her.  

Clarke relaxed herself and stopped fighting Lexa, letting the brunette hold her. Clarke couldn’t think. Her mind was empty. Everything was hurting. Everything was blank.

A neighbour must had heard the fight, because someone came into the house, asking what had happened.

“I’m Marcus Kane”, the man said to Lexa, worriedly looking at Clarke.

“Lexa Woods”, Lexa introduced herself, not leaving Clarke’s side.

Lexa and him talked for a while, and the neighbour confirmed he was suspecting Finn to beat his girlfriend sometimes. He told Lexa he was a friend of Clarke’s mom and that he was keeping an eye on them because Clarke wasn’t talking to her mother anymore. He told her he was often hearing broken glass and everything, but since there weren’t any proofs, he hadn’t been able to do anything, and Clarke had always denied everything when he would ask. Marcus Kane suggested bringing Finn to the police station, and Lexa gladly accepted. She needed to take care of Clarke and Ayden first.

The man nodded and grabbed Finn by the sweater to put him in his car and went to the police station with him. Lexa gave him her number to contact her, and told him Clarke and Ayden would be at her place if someone was asking for them.

Once Marcus Kane was gone, Lexa took her phone out of her pocket, calling Gustus to come and pick them up. Waiting for him, Lexa didn’t take her eyes off Clarke, soothing her and trying her best to make her feel safe. She quickly checked Clarke didn’t have any big injuries, and felt relieved when she saw it was “just” small cuts and bruises.

Gustus was there ten minutes later, and Lexa helped Clarke getting into the car, promising her she would be back when she noticed Clarke was shaking at the sight of Lexa leaving. Once Clarke was settled, Lexa run back into the house, looking for Ayden. He was probably dead scared, hiding somewhere. Lexa mentally growled at herself, because the boy had called her almost twenty minutes ago and she still hadn’t seen him.

“Ayden?” She called, heading upstairs.”Ayden it’s Lexa, you’re safe now. I’m here.”

Lexa saw Ayden’s door with his name on it, and went inside. She saw Ayden’s form under the blankets slightly shaking, and kneeled near the bed. Her heart broke, because she knew how afraid he probably was.

“Ayden? You can get out now. Finn is not here, he is at the police station. He cannot hurt you”, she whispered, “I promise”.

* * *

 

Ayden knew Lexa had arrived, and he had heard all about Marcus Kane’s the neighbor and Lexa’s discussion. He knew Finn wasn’t there anymore, but he was paralyzed. He couldn’t move.  
But then, he felt Lexa’s touch on the blankets, drawing circles on him. He knew it was really her, because she was the only one who ever did that to him. Lexa had really come to get him and protect him. He suddenly pushed the blankets off him and threw himself at Lexa’s neck. He felt Lexa’s strong arms wrapping around him, and he cried, because he was five and he was scared about everything.

Lexa tightened her arms around him, feeling him shaking as sobs were running down his tiny body.

“Yexa...” he chocked, but Lexa buried his head in her neck, trying to soothe him as much as possible.

“I’m right here Ayden”, Lexa whispered, quickly checking if the boy wasn’t hurt, trying hard to stop her own tears from falling down. She quickly grabbed a coat which was on a chair in the boy’s room, and made him wear it before heading outside with the kid in her arms.

She carried him into the car and kept him close to her the whole time. Clarke was shivering, and Lexa put an arm around her shoulders, not knowing what else she could do. At Lexa’s surprise, Clarke sank herself in Lexa’s embrace as Ayden’s wasn’t loosening.

None of them said a word as Gustus began to drive and Lexa wondered what was going to happen now. What was she going to do now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was a hard chapter to write, I thought I was going to cry my eyes out for Ayden, and I really felt bad to put all that shit on him! But it's part of the story. See ya !
> 
> PS; what's the correct spelling of "neighbour"? "neighbor"? "neighboor"? I don't know.


	16. Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is chapter 16! I don't know when I'll be able to update next, because I've have big time exams in a little more than a week, and if I fail them I won't be able to continue in med school so I don't know when the next update will be! I'll be updating once next week, but when... I don't know ;) Enjoy!

 

 _Song :_ _From West Texas by Explosions In The Sky_

Everything was in slow motion. Everything was soundless. Everything was colourless. Clarke’s mind was empty, as the car was moving on Polis’ streets.

 Once the car parked in front of Lexa’s door, they went out of it, and Lexa was glad Gustus didn’t ask any questions about why the sick blonde he had bring at Lexa’s place a few days ago was now completely beaten up in the back of his car. Lexa had a sniffing Ayden burying his head into the crock of Lexa’s neck, clinging to her with all his strength.

Lexa tried to make Ayden loose his embrace a little to be able to help Clarke better, but failed. She carried Ayden with one arm, the other trying to support Clarke’s weight. Lexa didn’t know how to touch her, because she knew Clarke would probably reject her as soon as she would put her arm around her,  but she was surprised that Clarke was the one to take Lexa’s hand in hers when they brushed against each other, and clanger to her arm, not letting her go.

Slowly walking next to Lexa, Clarke was lifeless inside of her. Everything was blank. She had no thoughts, and all she could see before her eyes was Finn’s angry face, and every punch he had given her. She was seeing him hit her, again and again. She was seeing herself already dead, and her dead son right next to her. Clarke’s mind was trying to figure why. Why, how could had she let things become that way without even doing anything. And Clarke almost wished she had died.  
But then, Lexa’s hand had brushed gently against her, and the blonde had taken it in her own. Lexa had saved her. She knew that. Lexa was there. She and Ayden weren’t dead yet.

The brunette opened her loft, and helped Clarke sit on the couch. Her face was covered in bruises already starting to turn blue and purple, she had small cuts all over her lips and nose, and by judging how she winced every time she was moving, she must had a couple of bruises on her ribs and abdomen too. Lexa felt bad for the girl, and knew Clarke wouldn’t accept to see a doctor. She had to take care of the blonde by herself, but it was impossible if Ayden wasn’t letting her go.

“Heda, do you need anything else?” Gustus asked.

“Can you call Anya from Trikru Company please?” Lexa answered, her eyes not leaving the two people on her couch.

She needed to take care of Clarke, and to do so she needed someone to stay with Ayden, someone he had already seen, because Lexa didn’t want to scare him more than he already was. Lexa didn’t even know if it was possible to scare him more after what he had witnessed.

* * *

 

Gustus left the loft, and Anya was there ten minutes later. She had rushed herself to be there as quick as she could, because she had heard Lexa had suddenly run out of her office, and her older cousin had been worried. Anya had tried to call Lexa multiples times of course, but obviously Lexa hadn’t picked the phone up. Then Anya had received Gustus’ call, and had left the office as quickly as Lexa an hour earlier.

“Lexa?” Anya said walking in the living-room, “where are... Oh my god, what the...” she whispered, seeing Blondie covered in bruises, looking at the wall with a blank stare, and Ayden buried in Lexa’s chest.

Lexa glared at her cousin, silently asking her not to make any comments about this, and Anya nodded putting her stoic mask on her face, the same mask Lexa was a professional with. Of course, Lexa shushing her didn’t stop Anya’s mind to figure it all out; she remembered Lexa talking about Ayden’s father being violent with Clarke, and now, Clarke was the half-living proof of what Lexa had guessed, and the older girl quickly had a picture of what had taken place with Blondie.

Lexa took Ayden’s chin on her hand to make him look at her, and kept drawing circles on his back.

“Ayden”, Lexa gently said not to scare him, “I’m going to take care of your Mommy now, to see if she is ok”.

Ayden nodded, and Lexa took a deep sigh knowing he wasn’t going to agree to the rest of the sentence. 

“Do you think you could stay with Anya for a while, so I could...”

“NO!” Ayden instantly shouted, cutting Lexa off and griping at her neck even harder. Lexa didn’t withdraw her hand on his back.

“Ayden, look at me”.

The little boy looked up, his eyes full of tears. Lexa was completely broken to see him like this; she didn’t want to give the impression of her leaving him, but Clarke needed her too.

“Come on look little man”, Lexa tried to soothe him, “Have you ever noticed how strong Anya was? Did you see those muscles in her arms?”

Anya could see what Lexa was trying to do, and even if it was bothering her to babysit the boy –because she didn’t really like kids-, she rolled up her sleeve and contracted her arm to show Ayden. Anya was as muscular as Lexa, but taller. She really was impressive.

Ayden sniffed, and took a better look at Anya. Lexa was right; Anya had big muscles.

“I have to help your Mommy”, Lexa tried again, “but I promise I’m not going. I will still be in the apartment, but I need a little moment with your mother to be sure she’s ok”.

Ayden looked at her, still unsure.

“Anya punched a bad guy in the face once”, Lexa whispered in his ear as if it was a secret, “She will protect you if someone is bothering you”.

“She will?” Ayden’s eyes widened with a tiny sad smile on his face.

“Yeah, totally”, Anya confirmed, giving him a reassuring wink.

Ayden frowned. “And then I can stay with you?” he asked with a tiny voice.

“Yes.”

Ayden then nodded, and opened his arms so Anya could take him. He was uncomfortable first, because he didn’t know Anya very well and the boy couldn’t trust people easily, but then Anya sat on the kitchen’s chair with the boy against her chest and began rubbing his back with almost the same way as Lexa’s. He settled a little more in her arms, waiting for Lexa to come back.

* * *

 

In the living room, Clarke was still sat on the couch, her eyes fixing the wall. Lexa quickly went into her bathroom to take a cloth and put water on it. She kneeled in front of Clarke, and moved her hand slowly towards her to test her reaction. Lexa knew Clarke was probably going to be scared if she touched her face, but the girl didn’t move. Carefully, Lexa put the cloth on Clarke’s face, and the blonde locked her eyes in Lexa’s. Without looking away, the brunette began to wipe out the blood. Lexa was melting into the blue eyes still in hers; she just wanted to hug the girl tight, and never let her go.  
She slowly took Clarke’s hand to put it on the cloth, pressed again her swollen lips.

“Keep it on your lips” Lexa instructed.

She began to turn away to go grab some bandages for the multiple cuts Clarke had on her face, but she suddenly felt the blonde shaking, and a hand grab her wrist. She looked back, confused.

She looked through those blue eyes again, and Lexa understood the fear written on Clarke’s eyes. The blonde wasn’t able to speak yet, she didn’t want to, but just like Ayden, she was feeling safer when Lexa was around, even if she was a complete stranger to them. Clarke couldn’t explain it, but there was something soothing about Lexa, and right now she didn’t want her to go out of her sight.

“I’m just going to grab some bandages for you Clarke, ok?” Lexa asked, not sure about what to do.

Clarke said nothing, but was slowly shaking her head. _No. Don’t leave._ Her hand around Lexa’s arm didn’t loosen. The brunette kneeled in front of her again, taking her hand in hers.

“You’re safe now. I’ll protect you again” Lexa whispered.

Clarke weakly nodded, but still not letting go of Lexa.

“Come with me”, Lexa suggested, raising up and giving her hand to Clarke.

She helped the blonde get up and noticed how Clarke had winced in pain when she had gotten up. _She must have bruises on her ribs or something,_ Lexa thought.

The brunette took the blonde by the hand guiding her towards the bathroom. Lexa made her sit on her bed and disappeared for two seconds to take bandages.  
When she came back, Clarke was shivering again, but calmed herself down when she saw Lexa reappear. Lexa noticed how Clarke was tense, and kneeled at her eyes’ level.

By doing so, Lexa was putting herself in an inferior position; she had learned that a few years ago, because Costia was a psychologist. She had taught her how a specific body position was telling things to the people in front of you, and that it could help to know how to act around shy or reserved people, and how to deal with scared ones. Lexa mentally thanked Costia, because now she was about to use all this on Clarke, and hopefully calm her down a little.

By kneeling in front of Clarke, she was showing her she was not going to harm her and that if Clarke wanted to do something to escape, she would have the advantage on Lexa. It had the effect she wanted, because Clarke was less shivering.

Lexa showed Clarke the bandages, silently asking her the permission to put them on her. The blonde nodded, and Lexa took her time, working slowly to not hurt her.  
When Lexa first touched Clarke’s face, she had jumped a little, afraid of the contact, and Lexa had taken her hands off, to feel something grabbing her shirt. Clarke had taken Lexa’s shirt in her hands, like she was clanging to it.

“Are you ok?” Lexa gently asked.

Once Clarke had nodded, Lexa continued to take care of Clarke’s injuries. The blonde didn’t let go of her shirt. Lexa remembered Ayden had done the same thing with her a few days ago, but she had first thought it was because he was a child. But now that Clarke was doing it too, it had to be a family thing, a way to feel the other’s presence and find comfort in this.

Lexa had finished, and was now applying ointment on her bruises. She also wanted to put some on Clarke’s ribs, but she didn’t want to push the girl. This will have to wait a little longer. Lexa knew she would have to call a doctor at some point to be sure Clarke only had minor injuries.

“I’m done” she said.

Clarke looked up and Lexa thought she was going to cry, but she didn’t, and didn’t say a word either. The brunette took a clean shirt from the pile of clean laundry on her bedroom’s chair and showed it to Clarke.

“You should change” Lexa said, pointing at Clarke’s ripped shirt, partially covered in blood and foot prints.

Then again, the blonde didn’t say anything, not looking at Lexa.

“I’m going to help you, alright?” Lexa asked.

Clarke nodded, and Lexa carefully grabbed the bottom of Clarke’s shirt, and helped the girl getting rid of it. Lexa had to repress her surprise when she saw Clarke’s ribs, already turning bright purple. But she didn’t say a thing, and carefully helped Clarke put the new shirt on. Lexa had already seen Clarke’s almost naked body, because of the bath she had made her take when she had been sick, but this was another thing. Clarke was completely vulnerable, and Lexa noticed a few tears were rolling down her cheeks while she was undressing her.

“It’s ok Clarke”, Lexa whispered from time to time to soothe the girl.

Clarke never had let go of Lexa’s shirt, and now the brunette had finished dressing her.

“You should try to sleep for a while” Lexa suggested.

The blonde immediately tensed, and Lexa carefully put both her hands on Clarke’s fists, still holding her shirt.

“Clarke, it’s ok. I am not going to leave you alone. You’re in my apartment. No one can hurt you here. It’s safe”.

Then Clarke slowly nodded, and laid herself backwards. Lexa helped her get comfortable on the pillows, covered Clarke’s legs with the blanket and was going to let her rest, but she suddenly felt Clarke taking her wrist again, pleading her with her eyes.  
Lexa understood, and got into the bed, lying beside Clarke who was now looking blankly at the roof. Lexa was careful not to touch her, but thought about something when she felt how Clarke was still shaking a little, unable to rest.

“Put yourself on your side, you back to me”, she gently said.

She saw Clarke frown, but the girl did as asked.

Slowly and carefully, Lexa put her hand in her back. Clarke first jumped at the contact, but Lexa didn’t take off her hand, and after a while, Clarke finally leaned into the touch. Lexa swore she had heard the girl sigh.  
When she was sure Clarke wasn’t uncomfortable with her touching her, Lexa began to rub her hand in the blonde’s back, drawing small circles to help her sleep and reassure her. Finally, Clarke closed her eyes, feeling safer with Lexa next to her.

It took almost half an hour for Clarke to completely fall asleep, and even if Lexa was glad she had helped the girl, she was feeling about leaving Ayden with Anya for so long.

* * *

 

The two of them were sitting on that kitchen chair for a while now, and Ayden was beginning to get fussy in her arms.

“Where is Yexa?” he whined, frustrated.

“She will be back soon”, Anya said trying to soothe him.

Of course it didn’t work; Anya was really bad with kids, it was like children didn’t like her. She hadn’t really cared, but now, she was getting frustrated at herself for not being able to calm him down.

Soon, Ayden was crying into her sweater, and Anya was feeling miserable. She put him closer to her chest, and began rocking him.

“Hey Ayden, don’t cry” she said, “you’re a big man now, you have to be brave for your mommy”.

Ayden sniffed, but he looked up at Anya, as if he was expecting more of her.

“I know this is scary for you. How old are you?” Anya continued.

“Five”, Ayden whispered.

“I know being five is very scary”, Anya began again. “When I was five, I was afraid of cats” Anya whispered to the boy as if it was a big secret.

Ayden chuckled a little, and it warmed Anya’s heart.

“You were? I’m not afraid of cats!” the boy said, proud of him.

“That’s because you’re very braver than me!” Anya said, giving him the “I’m impressed” look.

Ayden smiled, and Anya did too. The boy settled on Anya’s lap, looking at her.

“Who are you?” he asked.

Anya raised a brow, surprised by the boy’s question.

“My name is Anya. Lexa told you this. You have already seen me, don’t you remember?”

“Yeah I know that” Ayden said while rolling his eyes at the woman as if she had said the stupidest thing ever.

Anya couldn’t stop a smile from rising on her face.

“I mean, who are you to Yexa? You seem to like her” he explained, “and she had called you twice when she had a problem. Why?”

Anya’s eyebrows rose even more about this kid. Man that child was smart, and he seemed to notice everything. How old was he already? 

“Lexa is my younger cousin” Anya started, not really knowing how to explain their relationship to a little boy, “we don’t have any other family, so she is my only family, but also my best friend. That’s why she calls me when she had a problem. Do you understand?”

The five years old nodded, satisfied about Anya’s answer. The older girl was curious too, and couldn’t stop herself from asking the same question back.

“And what is Lexa to you, Ayden?”

“She helped us” Ayden shrugged, “I like her. She gave me a sweater once, and she cared about us” he started to explain to Anya. “I’m not a baby anymore; I know Mommy didn’t want to go home and that’s why we stayed spending nights in parks”.

Anya was stunned. The boy she had on her lap was talking like he was three time his age. How could a five years old be so mature about things like that?

“Yexa took care of my Mommy when she was sick, and today she came to rescue us when I called her”. The boy stopped talking, but was looking like he was thinking about what to say next. “She really came, you know” he said with a softer tone, “I called her because I was afraid and she came to protect me”.

Anya’s heart melted as the boy was leaning on her chest again. She was starting to understand why Lexa was drawn to this kid and her mother. But Ayden still had something to say.

“Yexa saved us today. She’s my superhero”, he stated like it wasn’t a big deal, closing his eyes.

Anya didn’t know what to respond to that, and if she hadn’t spotted her cousin watching them, she might have cried a little, completely overwhelmed by the boy. But the Woods didn’t cry, did they?

A few feet away, Lexa wasn’t moving, tears in her eyes. She had heard all about Ayden’s last words. _Yexa is my superhero._

Anya saw the look on Lexa’s face, and she saw something broke again inside her cousin. Other pieces of the wall she had made to protect herself from love were falling down. Right now all Lexa could think about was the kid’s words. Lexa noticed the tender look on Anya’s face watching her, and smiled lightly to her chuckling in the same time, wiping her tears from her eyes.

The brunette approached the duo, and kindly put her hand in Ayden’s hair to make her presence known, because he had his back to her and didn’t see her coming into the room.

“Hey Ayden, I’m here”.

He looked up and when he recognised Lexa, he threw himself in her arms and buried his nose into Lexa’s neck.

“Yexa” he sniffed.

“I’m here buddy” Lexa whispered back, tightening her embrace around him. Lexa was overwhelmed by this child, and she wished now more than ever to protect him, and wished she could take all the pain and fear away from him.

Anya didn’t say anything, just watching them. Lexa had never like kids, and she knew Costia and her had had a few fights about the fact Lexa didn’t want kids. But the one kid she had in her arms right now... That was another story. She seemed to be in love with him, and if Anya didn’t know Ayden wasn’t Lexa’s real son, she would have easily believed it. She could see how much Lexa already cared about the boy, and that the boy was Lexa’s greatest fan.

Anya still had a thousand questions to ask Lexa. She wanted to know what had happened, why Lexa had left work in such a hurry and everything, but she knew now was not the time. She knew Lexa would call her when she would have deal with everything.

Anya smiled at her younger cousin, who still had Ayden pulling her into a big hug. That was the cutest thing she had ever seen in her whole life; Lexa, comforting a child in her arms.

“I’m going to go”, Anya whispered to Lexa.

“Could you tell Titus I...”

“I’ll tell him to leave you alone for today”, the older girl winked at the brunette.

“Thank you Anya”, Lexa whispered back.

Anya smiled again, and headed to the door, living Lexa and Ayden alone in the kitchen.

* * *

 

Once her cousin was gone, Lexa thought about what she could do to make Ayden feel better.

“Hey Ayden, would you like to take a bath?” she asked.

Ayden suddenly looked at her with half-stunned eyes.

“Can I?”

“Of course you can if I’m offering you” Lexa answered, amused by the boy.

The boy nodded shyly. Lexa carried him to the bathroom, and opened up the water like she had done for Clarke not so long ago.

“Stay here, I’m just going to go grab some clean clothes for you” Lexa said and began to walk away towards her dressing, but Ayden’s voice stopped her.

“Yexa don’t leave me”, he begged, whispering with a tiny voice, looking down at his feet.

Lexa was quick to walk back to him and kneel in front of him so he could look her in the eyes.

“I’m not going to leave you. I promised. You remember?”

Ayden weakly nodded yes, his eyes full of tears.

“When I was living in France, Anya and I had the habit to cross our pinkie fingers like this” she said with a gentle voice while entwining their fingers “and in order to promise to the other, we used to say” Lexa paused, composing herself a very formal voice, “croix de bois croix de fer si je mens je vais en enfer”.

Ayden shot their fingers a curious look, not understanding the French words Lexa had said.

“it means wood cross iron cross if I lie I go to hell” Lexa translated, “it’s a sacred oath to me. I can’t break it. I’m not going to leave you.”

Ayden nodded more frankly this time, reassured by Lexa’s gesture. Lexa smiled to him, getting up. She had kneeled a lot today, and her knees were kind of hurting. But she was not the priority.

“Maybe you could go with me to choose the clothes you would like to wear,” She asked and went to close the water.

Ayden nodded once again and followed Lexa to her dressing, putting his hand in hers at the second she was beginning to walk a little too far from him.

If Lexa’s heart jumped out of her chest by the gesture, Ayden didn’t noticed.


	17. A Thousand Finger Prints

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was able to publish today! The next update won't be until next week though I'm afraid, exams first, and I wish I could spend my days writing stories for you guys, buuut life isn't like this unfortunately! 
> 
> This is a chapter I think a lot of you will like, it's only Lexa and Ayden! Enjoy!
> 
> PS: people who likes to be emotive while reading etc, listen to the songs i put! It often accentuate the "dramatic" side of my chapters lol

_Song : Son by Sleeping At Last_

 

Lexa's heart was beating really fast, because she could feel Ayden's tiny hand in hers as the boy was clinging hard to it. She opened her dressing, showing Ayden her clothes.

"So what do you want to wear?" She asked.

Ayden took a look at the bunch of clothes, and pointed at a sweatshirt. Lexa took the sweatshirt, and a tiny smile escaped her. This sweater was a very special one for her; Anya had bought it for her, for her fifteenth birthday after her uncle and aunt deaths.

The sweater had a shark in the middle of the chest, in a circle, where was written the words "keep moving". Lexa had loved wearing it, because it would reminder her that no matter what could happen, you had to keep moving forward.

Ayden was looking at Lexa, not knowing why she had her eyes fixed on the sweater for so long now.

Lexa got out of her thoughts, and turned herself to Ayden.

"Alright Ayden", she said, picking up a white shirt, "what do you want to wear with it?"

Ayden suddenly looked at his feet. Lexa frowned, and kneeled in front of him.

"You know you can tell me everything, ok?" She gently said. 

Ayden shyly nodded, and finally level up his head to look at Lexa, tugging at the sweater he was wearing.

"I like your sports pants, like the one you gave me", he admitted, blushing a little.

Lexa smiled to him, and got back up to pick one of those.

"Alright, sweater and sport pants it is!" She said, guiding Ayden back to the bathroom.

She tested the water and told Ayden to get his clothes off. But Ayden didn’t, a blush on his cheeks.

"You have to turn around Yexa" he said with a tiny voice.

Lexa raised her brows, but did as she was told, smiling a little at Ayden's shyness.

"I can get out of the room while you get undressed and into the bath if you prefer", Lexa suggested.

"No no stay Yexa please", Ayden was quick to answer, fearing Lexa would leave him alone.

"Alright", Lexa nodded, "tell me when you're done".

Ayden quickly got his clothes off and get on the bathtub.

"You can turn around now", he said.

Lexa smiled to him, and kneeled in front of him, showing him a bottle of shampoo. She didn't know what the right thing to do was though; she never had to take care of a child before.

"Ayden, do you wash your hair alone? Is Clarke doing it?" She asked.

"Mommy does it", he shrugged "I don't know how to do it without putting shampoo in my eyes".

Lexa smiled, imagining the scene in her head.

"Ok turn around so I can do it for you then".

Ayden did as he was told, and Lexa took her time. When she was done, she let Ayden play with the bubbles of soap, as she rested her head on the bathtub, just watching him.

This kid was stunning her. She had seen other kids before obviously, but Ayden... Ayden was a mystery for her. And she was beginning to love him more and more. Deep inside her, Lexa was afraid the kid didn't care about her as much as she did. Lexa knew he wasn't her kid, and never would be, but she wasn't sure she was able to handle being rejected by him.

"Yexa, I have a question", Ayden suddenly said.

Lexa raised a brow. "What is it?"

"How do you make a baby?" the boy asked.

Lexa nearly choked on air. She was definitely not expecting that.

"What?"

"How do you make a baby?", Ayden repeated while playing with the water, "because someone told me people were making babies when they loved each other".

"Yes, that's quite true" Lexa answered not totally understanding what the boy was trying to say.

"So why am I here?"

Lexa frowned, and Ayden was quick to explain himself.

"Finn and mommy don't love each other, because someone who loves you doesn't shout at you or hit you, right?"

Lexa nodded.

"So why did they succeed in making a baby?"

Lexa didn't know what to respond to that. This kid seemed way older than he really was.

"You don't really need to be in love with a person to make a baby," she started, "but usually people don't make babies if they don't love each other because they don't want to raise a kid together, you understand?"

Ayden nodded, waiting for her to continue her explanations.

"I'm sure your mommy and Finn loved each other once, but maybe they don't really do now. Feelings can change, and maybe they don't feel the same anymore, you see?"

Ayden nodded again. That was making sense.

"Will Finn always be my father?" He asked with a tiny voice, surprising Lexa.

"Yeah, he will always be biologically your father, that is to say he will always be the one who helped creating you", Lexa answered, and frowned when she noticed the sadness on Ayden's face.

She took bubbles from the water, and blew them at him to try to cheer him up, but the boy didn’t even smile.

"What's wrong, Ayden?"

"I wish I could choose another father", he whispered.

"Hey", Lexa said putting her head on Ayden's chin to make him look at her, "he will always be your biological father, you can’t change that. But sometimes we can choose who is part of our family, family is not always blood related", she told the boy.

Ayden nodded, the sadness gone.

"I know", he said, "I have a big family, with aunty Octavia and Bellamy and the others, and none of them has the same blood as mommy and I."

Lexa flinched; almost sure she had heard the name Octavia, like Lincoln's girlfriend. She quickly get rid of the idea; Polis was a big city, it was like a chance in a million for Ayden's Octavia and Lincoln's girl to be the same person. But if Ayden and Clarke had that much people in their “family”, why were they on the streets? Couldn’t their friends help them?

Lost in her thoughts, Lexa suddenly felt a wet hand on her arm.

"Yexa, is this a tattoo?"

Lexa looked at what the boy was studying. She had a tattoo on her right arm, almost hidden by her sleeve.

She rolled up the sleeve so Ayden could see it better.

"Yeah, it's a tattoo", she answered.

Ayden's eyes widened when he saw the whole tattoo.

"Woh, it's huuuge! What does it mean?" He innocently asked.

Lexa bit her lip. She didn't know if she was ready to tell a stranger about it. But Ayden wasn't really a stranger, was he?

"I got it after my fathers’ death,” Lexa started.

Ayden cocked his head on one side, listening to Lexa very carefully. He knew it was important to her.

“This is the symbol of my family”, Lexa continued. “Here”, she said pointing at the first two patterns, “this represent the grandfathers, here the parents”, she showed Ayden the next two patterns behind, “and here, the children. The three pillars of a family” she finished by pointing the last two patterns.

Ayden let his fingers wandered on her forearm, studying the patterns. Lexa stayed quiet, watching the boy.

“That’s cool”, Ayden said after a while.

Lexa gently smiled to him.

“I've got another one on my back", she told Ayden. "Do you want to see it?"

The boy frankly nodded, and Lexa turned around, removing her shirt from her back, so Ayden could see the tattoo without seeing her breasts. She had a very large tattoo, running from almost her neck to her hipbone.

Lexa felt a wet hand again on her skin again, slowly drawing the tattoo. The boy was tipping his fingers on the patterns, making Lexa shiver every time, completely overwhelmed by the gentle touch Ayden was giving her.

"Yexa", Ayden whispered, "it's beautiful..."

Lexa blinked a few times, affected by the kid's words.

"Thank you Ayden", she whispered back.

"What does this one mean?" the boy asked with a sweet voice.

Lexa swallowed. She knew her tattoos had sad significations, but she couldn’t lie to Ayden about this.

"Do you see the seven black circles?"

"Yeah", Ayden nodded.

"Each of them represent someone I cared about very much", Lexa murmured, trying to hold back her voice from breaking.

"Where are they now?"

"They died a long ago", Lexa answered, not knowing another way to tell the boy.

Ayden didn't say anything, and Lexa stayed like this, her back to Ayden who had still a hand on her tattoo, tracing it.

"I'm sorry you have that much circles on your back then", she heard Ayden whispering after a few minutes, and she suddenly felt his mouth gently kissing her back, and Lexa had to fight the urge to sob.

Instead, she put her shirt back, and turned around to face Ayden.

"That's not your fault", she said with a sad smile, "this is part of living".

Ayden nodded with a sad smile in his face too. Lexa knew the kid understood her.

They stayed a little while longer without talking, Ayden playing with the water and bubbles, Lexa resting her head on the bathtub and watching the boy.

* * *

 

After a while, Lexa put her hand into the water and noticed it was getting cold.

"Come on Ayden, time to get out", she said, getting on her feet to grab a towel, and giving it to the kid without looking at him, her back to him.

When Lexa didn't hear the boy moving, she frowned.

"Ayden? Go on, I don't see anything, you can go out now", she encouraged him.

"It's ok, you can turn around, I don't mind", he said.

Lexa's eyes widened. What had changed in the past twenty minutes, for him to be ok with Lexa seeing him naked?

"You showed me your back," he shrugged when he noticed Lexa's surprise, "I've seen you almost naked. I can show you my back too!”

Lexa smiled at him, happy to hear what he was saying. He turned his back to her, and waited for Lexa to wrap him into the towel.

Lexa approached to do so, by suddenly stopped when she saw the boy's back, her eyes widening, her heart stopping in her chest. A scar. Ayden had a large scar, running alongside his spine. The scar was almost as long as his back, and pretty ugly, as if it hadn’t been taken care of.  Why did Ayden have a scar that big on his back?

"Ayden," she whispered, not knowing if she really wanted to want the answer, "what is this scar on your back?"

"That's my tattoo" he responded, shrugging.

Lexa frowned. It was definitely not a tattoo. But she didn’t tell this to him, and thought about another question.

“How did you get that?” Lexa whispered again, completely taken aback from seeing the scar. She almost had trouble breathing, because he couldn’t have getting this under good circumstances.

"One day", the boy began to tell, "Finn was very mad at mommy and I told him to stop yelling at her, but he didn't listen."

Lexa shivered, knowing what the rest of the story would be.

"He took a chair and threw it at me", he explained, "and I fell on something sharp. Then, he began to shout at mommy again".

"Ayden..." Lexa whispered, running gently her hand along the scar.

She was beginning to have nausea, and she was almost sure she was going to puke in a few minutes. Who could do this to a child? Nobody deserved this, and Ayden even less. Lexa’s heart was crying and crying because of this little man, accepting his faith like he was part of his life, like it wasn’t a big deal. Did Clarke know about that scar? If she did, why had she come back with Finn? And if she didn’t, how the fuck didn’t she noticed?

"It has a meaning, like yours", Ayden said again.

Lexa threw him a questioning glare.

"This is my tattoo", he said again, "it reminds me that I'm not strong and big enough to protect mommy. Not yet."

Lexa didn’t waste any more time and quickly buried him in the towel, holding him against her chest. She didn't know if it was more to comfort the child than herself, but she didn't know what else to do. How could a kid survive things like this? How could Ayden be so kind and sweet and full of life after a living hell at home? How could he even smile and laugh and be this innocent kid he was?

"Don't worry Yexa", he said with a tiny voice, still wrapped in Lexa’s arms, "I'm ok now. You’ll keep me safe."

Lexa sadly smiled and once again, she promised herself to protect the boy and his mother, no matter what.

* * *

 

They didn’t talk more, and Lexa helped Ayden getting in the clothes. Before going to the kitchen to make something to eat, Lexa took a look at Clarke, who was still asleep, but quite shivering in the bed. Lexa stayed a few minutes sitting next to her to make sure she was ok, and then watched her another few minutes, leaning on the door’s frame, not really able to leave the room.

Ayden, who had been wondering about where Lexa had gone, had joined her, and tried to lean on the door like Lexa was doing, and of course the brunette laughed, seeing the boy’s actions. Ayden had put his hand on Lexa’s, leaning on her instead.

“Yexa” he whispered, “will Mommy be ok?”

Lexa had to hold back her shoulders from shrugging, because she didn’t know. Actually, she didn’t know a single thing about them. She didn’t know why Clarke had been on the streets in the first place -even if it wasn’t hard to guess- but Clarke had never spoken to her about it. Clarke hadn’t spoken to her at all about herself and Lexa was clueless. She didn’t even know the blonde woman in her bed. The only thing she was sure was that she couldn’t forget about her, her and her five years old son, and couldn’t stop caring even if she didn’t know anything about them.

“I don’t know Ayden” Lexa finally answered truthfully, “but I’ll do my best to make sure she is”.

Ayden nodded. He was still mad at his mother, because he knew nothing of this would have happened if she had listened to him; he knew they should have stayed with Lexa, because she was protecting them. In Finn’s house, there was no one to protect them and keep them safe.

* * *

 

After watching Clarke sleep a little longer, they both made their way into the kitchen, and they cooked together, Ayden listening to Lexa with a serious look on his face, doing everything she was telling him to do.

They ate while watching cartoons on the TV, and soon enough Ayden was sleepy as he laid his head on Lexa’s lap.

“You want to go to sleep bud?” Lexa asked seeing the boy yawn for the fifth time in the same minute.

“No” he said with a tiny voice.

Lexa knew he was sleepy, but figured he was afraid to go to bed alone.

“What if I lay in bed with you until you fall asleep, and then I put you in bed with your mommy?” she asked to the boy.

Ayden nodded, but Lexa knew something was still bothering him.

“What is on your mind Ayden?” Lexa gently asked.

The boy leveled himself and removed his head from Lexa’s lap, sitting on them instead.

“I want to stay live with you” he whispered putting his hands around Lexa’s neck, “but Mom won’t agree”.

Lexa was speechless, and didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t promise something to him, this time. It was not up to her.

“Don’t worry about this buddy”, she said instead, “you’re here right now, that’s all that matter”.

Ayden nodded, and suddenly hugged the girl. “Thank you Yexa” he murmured in her ear.

Lexa’s heart melted. This boy was too much.

"Why are you telling me thank you Ayden?"

"Because you saved me. And I trust you”, the boy said, looking firmly in Lexa’s eyes. “I know you'll protect us until I’m old enough to protect mommy myself."

“Oh Ayden”, Lexa whispered, fighting the urge to cry.

The boy let Lexa bring him closer, and snuggled against her chest, finding comfort in her strong arms. Lexa kept rocking him, and he finally let sleep get over him.

 _And I’ll run the risk_  
Of being intimate with brokenness  
Through this magnifying glass I see a thousand finger prints

Lexa had fall asleep on the couch too for a few hours, and in the middle of the night, she was woken up by Clarke’s whimpers and nightmares all over the loft. She had taken a sleeping Ayden in her arms, and had put them both onto the bed next to Clarke, managing to not wake him up. She had drawn circles on the blonde’s forearm until she fell asleep. Lexa had let her mind wondering a little, thinking about the child sleeping in her arms and the woman progressively tugging at her shirt like an anchor or something. Lexa was asleep soon, too, thinking that maybe, she had found something precious she thought was dead long ago; hope for better days.

 _I ran the risk_  
Of being intimate with my brokenness  
I was given a gift of hope and a thousand finger prints  
On the surfaces of who I am... 


	18. Crossing Paths part.1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I'm baaaaaaaaack! Exams are over, and a BIG thank you for every one of you who had wished me luck! Thank you too for the reviews and comments and support I'm getting, I really appreciate it! Since my exams are over, I'm free from studies for the whole December month, so I'll post more chapters (a lot more I hope) or longer ones, since I'll have time! Thanks for patiently waiting for me to update! 
> 
> Since I'll be writing more, I'm planning to write some chapters based on what you want to see on that fic, so if you have an idea about something you think should happen, or a discussion two people should have or anything, just tell me and I'll see what I can do, share your ideas! 
> 
> No more talking!

_Song :Winter On The Run – Willy Poldd_

Saturday morning. Raven got out of bed, and swore when her bad leg hit the edge of the bed. It was only 7am, and it was already hurting as hell. _Great day is coming,_ Raven thought.

She dressed herself quickly and grabbed an apple on her way out of her flat. She had a very important appointment today; she had a job interview for a big company, Trikru, one of Coalition’s Corp. companies. Raven was excited, because she was almost sure she was getting the job; after all, they had come to her in the first place.

A month ago, Raven had been contacted to apply for a job at Trikru, because they had heard about her from Sinclair, her former teacher who she had worked with for a NASA program. In fact, Raven had been the one to create it, and had made Sinclair really impressed. So Raven had received a call, asking her to present herself on this day to apply for a specific job a few people would know about. Raven didn’t know what the job was going to be, but she was still really excited about, and from what she had understood... She would be making a lot of money. And she could only welcome this perspective. _Maybe with this money I could help Clarke and Ayden better,_ Raven had thought.

Raven was at the foot of Trikru’s building, and she was half an hour early. She spotted a little café not far, _TonDC coffee,_ and went inside to grab something to drink to wait for the meeting. She lined up, looking at the drinks on the menu. She had never been in this area of Polis, but she knew that Lincoln was from here. From what Raven could see, this place seemed to be the best place in Trikru’s area; why Lincoln never had taken them here?

When it was her turn, she ordered a black coffee –yeah, Raven was a black strong coffee girl- and waiting for it to be ready. She smiled to the boy behind the counter, and turned around to go sit, but at the moment she pivoted on her feet, she bumped into someone –actually someone bumped into her- and her coffee spilled on her new top she had bought for the occasion.

“Watch your steps you fuckin’ moron!” Raven swore, totally upset about her shirt completely soaked with coffee. How could she go attend the meeting like this now?

“I’m sorry” the woman who had bumped into her said, “I didn’t see you”.

Raven looked up, and her jaw almost dropped. This girl was beautiful. Raven had never thought she was into girls, but now she was really into that bumping person. As Raven didn’t say a thing, the stranger took a few napkins and handed them over to Raven.

“Fuck” Raven swore again, taking the napkins and trying to clean herself up, “that was so not the good time for bumping into me, stranger girl”.

The other chuckled a little, and Raven could stop but find the laugh quite adorable.

“I’m sorry again, I didn’t mean it” she said.

“Yeah I hope you are”, Raven answered, “I had a job appointment”, trying not to sound too angry, because damn she didn’t want to be angry at such a beauty.

“Hm I think I have a spare top in my car, maybe you could borrow it for your meeting?”

Raven looked again, her brows raised. “Ok”, she shrugged. She couldn’t go to the meeting like this, and she wouldn’t have enough time to go back to her apartment to change anyways.

The stranger led her to her car, and gave the top to Raven, telling her she could change herself into the car while she was getting two new coffees _to apologize_ _myself_ , she had said.

Raven got into the car, and didn’t fail to notice the brand new fire-fighter truck toy on the passenger seat in its package, making Raven frown; did that girl had a child? Raven hadn’t pictured the girl to be a mom. She finished changing herself, thinking this whole situation was weird; she was borrowing a top from a complete stranger after all. She got out of the car to notice the girl had already come back with two big cups, and she handed one over to Raven.

“Black coffee, like the one I made your drop”, the girl said.

Raven raised her brows again, surprised the girl had noticed the kind of coffee Raven was taking, but didn’t say anything and took the cup.

“Thank you for the top. And the coffee”, Raven said.

“You’re welcome”.

Raven searched her mind for something to say, to make conversation; she still had a little bit of time before her appointment, and the girl didn’t seem to want to move.

“So hum, you’ve got a kid?” Raven asked.

The girl frowned. “No I don’t, why do you...”

“The truck in your car” Raven explained.

The strangers’ eyes flashed with understanding.

“Oh no, I don’t have a kid, it’s for my cousin’s hum... It’s complicated” she said.

Raven nodded. She had finished her coffee, and so did the girl next to her. The other girl searched something in her bag, and handed a little card to Raven.

“There is my number on it. So you can call me for the bill for cleaning your top”, the stranger explained.

Raven looked down at the card. _Anya Woods,_ followed by a phone number.

“Thanks, I guess” Raven mumbled, analysing Anya’s face. She didn’t actually believe what she had seen on that card; was Anya Woods related to Lexa Woods, THE Lexa Woods?

“So hum, give me a call” Anya said again.

Raven thought about asking Anya about her family name, but as always she decided to stay true to herself and throw a joke at Anya, raising a brow.

“Trying to make me call you, huh?” Raven said, smirking.

Anya nearly choked on the coffee.

“No, I’m not, I just...” Anya rambled, and then sighed “just call me so I can pay for the bill”.

She turned herself to her car, and got into it.

“Bye, hum...?” Anya said, silently asking for Raven’s name.

“Raven. I’m Raven”.

“Bye Raven” Anya smiled, and drove away, leaving Raven on the pavement. _What the fuck had happened?_ They both thought.

* * *

 In Lexa’s loft, Ayden was getting bored. Clarke hadn’t said a word since the accident with Finn, and Lexa was worried about what she should do. When they all had woken up in Lexa’s bed, Clarke had tried to pretend she was ok; of course she wasn’t, and Lexa could see her wincing every time she had to move, even for a few inches. Lexa had pretended not to see it either, leaving Clarke with her feelings for a while. But now, Lexa was getting worried as Clarke hadn’t come out of the bedroom yet. She checked her watch. 9am.

“Ayden stay here for five minutes please, I’m going to check on your mother ok?” Lexa said, heading towards her bedroom.

Ayden nodded, but Lexa failed to notice the pout on the boy’s lips.

Lexa silently entered the bedroom, to find Clarke sitting on the bed, leaning on the wall behind her, eyes closed and massaging her body.

“Clarke” Lexa said as gently as she could not to stalk the girl.

But Clarke’s eyes snapped open, focusing on Lexa and quickly removing her hands from her ribs.

“I’m fine” Clarke snapped, although Lexa hadn’t said a word.

The brunette nodded, and excited the room. She couldn’t leave Clarke in pain like this. She sighed, and took her phone out of her pocket. Clarke would not like this, but she was leaving her no other choice. She typed a number, and waiting for the person to answer.

 _“Hello?”_ said the voice on the phone.

“Yeah Nyko hello it’s Lexa, how are you?”

 _“Heda, hello. I’m fine, thanks for asking. What are you in need for?”_ The man asked.

“I have a favour to ask, actually” Lexa started, “I need you to come over to check on a friend of mine, she... has a couple of bad bruises”.

Nyko had been Lexa’s personal doctor for a while now; actually, he had been here since Anya’s fathers had died, to watch over the two girls, and Lexa had hired him for the company. He was a good doctor, with a very good reputation and was very busy; but for Lexa and whatever she needed, he always had time.

 _“Of course Heda, when should I be there?”_ the man said again.

“Hum, sooner as you can?” Lexa asked. She knew she shouldn’t hurry Nyko, but she really needed to know if Clarke was physically ok.

 _“I’ll be here in half an hour”,_ Nyko said.

“Thanks a lot Nyko”.

She hung up, and took a look at Ayden. Suddenly, she noticed how the boy was only sitting on the couch, doing nothing, his knees brought up to his chest. Lexa sat next to him, passing her hand on his hair.

“You ok Buddy?” She gently asked.

Ayden only nodded, which made Lexa frown.

“Ayden, you can talk to me”.

Ayden sighed, and turn himself towards Lexa.

“I’m angry at Mommy. I don’t want to be though” he said with a sad voice.

Lexa frowned more, because she had failed to notice the boy hadn’t talk to Clarke since they had been back from Finn’s place.

“Why are you upset?”

“She knew Finn was mean. And she still chose to go back there... It’s like she wanted him to be mean with us, I don’t understand”, Ayden said, whispering the last words, a tear rolling down his cheeks.

Lexa threw her arms around the boy, who immediately buried his head into Lexa’s neck, and Lexa almost cried with him.

“She is doing the best she can...” Lexa whispered in his ear, trying to calm him down and reassure him, “she’s not perfect, because nobody is, but she doesn’t want to purposely harm you Ayden, she loves you”.

“I know” the boy sniffed, “but we could just have stayed here with you...”

Lexa sighed, because she knew what the boy was meaning. Lexa herself was having remorse with allowing Clarke to run away from the loft and not being able to keep her from running to jerk Finn.

“This is not that simple, buddy, and I think you know it... Your Mommy doesn’t know me. Why should she trust me? I could be anyone, wanting to hurt you” Lexa tried to explain.

“But you didn’t, and you even came to protect me”, the boy protested.

“I know. But your Mom couldn’t be sure of that; you understand?”

Ayden nodded, and stayed on Lexa’s chest, slowly being cradled by Lexa’s breathing.

“Ayden, someone is coming to make sure Clarke is ok, are you fine with staying alone in the living-room?” Lexa carefully asked, knowing the kid was scared to stay alone, even if Lexa was still in the loft.

And to confirm her thoughts, Ayden whined, looking at Lexa.

“I don’t want to be alone... can’t Anya be there, at least?” he said, his eyes watering again.

Lexa almost reached for her phone. “I’ll call her immediately! And what do you say about her bringing you some toys to play with?”

Ayden’s eyes widened as he nodded. “Yeah please”.

Lexa smiled, and called Anya, asking her to come over, and buy something for kids on her way, like some kind of truck or car. Boys always loved cars, right?

* * *

 Anya was there half an hour later and Lexa didn’t ask why she had taken so long to arrive.

“Hi Ayden” Anya said, hiding something behind her back.

Ayden got up, and quickly passed his arms around Anya’s neck to greet her, much to Lexa and Anya’s surprise.

The door bell rang again, and Lexa went to open the door to Nyko as Anya was showing the fire-fighter truck she had bought for Ayden. The boy’s eyes widened as he took the present in his arms.

“This is soooooo cool, thank you Anya!” he shouted very excitedly.

Anya, Lexa and Nyko smiled at him and Anya took him to the living-room so they could play together. Lexa remembered she hadn’t told Clarke about the doctor coming to see her, and she mentally face-palmed herself. She apologetically turned herself to Nyko, ready to explain she needed five minutes with the girl first, but he seemed to understand without words, and told Lexa to call him when she’d be ready, and went to play with Ayden.

Lexa thanked him and wasted no time going in her bedroom, and what she saw broke her heart; Clarke was rolled in fetal position, her knees brought up to her chest, face buried in them and her arms circling herself. Lexa silently made her way to her, sitting a few inches from her. Carefully, the brunette put her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, making the blonde shiver at her touch.

“Clarke” Lexa whispered in beginning to draw circles on the skin, “Clarke, it’s Lexa. Look at me” Lexa said again.

Slowly, the blonde removed her arms from her knees, and turned herself to look at Lexa. Clarke felt pathetic; pathetic to be in such a bad shape, pathetic for not being able to take care of her own child, pathetic to have to accept a stranger’s help, pathetic to have let Finn have such an impact on her.  
But curiously, she didn’t see disgust in Lexa’s eyes. Curiously, all she was seeing right now what care, good intentions and maybe a little bit of worry too. How could Lexa tell her all this just with her wild green eyes? Maybe Clarke was just imagining it, maybe it wasn’t real and it was just an illusion, and Lexa was going to send them back in the streets in a matter of minutes; but Clarke couldn’t manage to fool herself anymore.

The blonde stayed looking at Lexa, completely still, waiting for Lexa to speak again. Clarke loved Lexa’s voice, she had found out. It was soothing, the way Lexa was often whispering to her. Calming.

“Clarke” Lexa began again, “I called someone to look at you, just to be sure you are physically ok”.

Clarke shook her head. She had said she didn’t want a doctor, why Lexa had called one? Lexa saw the blonde beginning to panic, and was quick to reassure her.

“This is someone you don’t know. He is my personal doctor. He won’t tell anything to anyone. I promise.”

Clarke shook her head no again, and Lexa sighed.

“You have to let him check on you. I see you wincing in pain every time you blink, Clarke” Lexa murmured, sadness in her voice.

She knew she couldn’t force Clarke to do anything, but she couldn’t let Clarke stay in such pain either.

Clarke looked away. She wasn’t ready. She couldn’t let anyone touch her. The only one who could touch her was Lexa.

“I won’t leave” Lexa insisted with a gentle voice, “my cousin is taking care of Ayden right now, I’ll stay with you the whole time”.

Finally, Clarke gave up and nodded to Lexa. She really was in pain, and if Lexa was going to stay with her... She guessed she could let that doctor examine her. Lexa nodded back, and left the bedroom to go find Nyko.

The man was playing on the floor alongside Anya and Ayden, and Lexa’s heart melted at the sight of the three of them with big smiles on their faces.

“Nyko”, she called him, “she’s ready”.

The man nodded and got up.

“Hum... She was assaulted by her... Boyfriend” Lexa warned him, not really knowing how to define Finn, “and she is freaking out”.

Nyko smiled to Lexa, let her know he had understood. They both made it back to the bedroom, where Clarke was leaning on the wall to elevate her head on the bed a little. Lexa sat next to her, and she didn’t fail to notice Clarke’s hand grabbing the bottom of her shirt.

Nyko checked Clarke’s face first, making sure every cut wasn’t infected or too deep and that the bruises on her face and nose wasn’t because some bone was broken.

Lexa had had her heart beating really fast when Nyko had told Clarke to remove her shirt so he could check her torso. Clarke had been shaking, but had let Lexa help her remove her clothes, and had kept her blue eyes locked into Lexa’s during the whole time Nyko had his hands on her.

Finally, Nyko had seen what he wanted to see, and told Clarke she could dress up. He had left the room telling Lexa he would wait for her with Ayden and Anya.

* * *

 On the bed, Lexa carefully helped Clarke to put her shirt back on. None of them said a word and Lexa forced herself not to look at Clarke –beautiful and majestic- chest. She didn’t want to make Clarke feel like she was laying her eyes on her body; the girl was probably already disgusted about herself enough. As Clarke was fully dressed up, Lexa asked her if she wanted to go out of the bedroom, and Clarke refused, pretending she needed some sleep. Lexa nodded, and left the room.

In the living-room, Nyko was waiting for her.

“So?” The brunette asked.

“So nothing serious” Nyko answered giving Lexa a little box, “but she has to put this ointment at least two times a day on all of her bruises until they don’t hurt anymore”.

Lexa nodded, and thanked him. The man said goodbye to Ayden and Anya, and was gone ten minutes later.

Lexa sighed, put the ointment on the kitchen table and joined the two playing.

“Thanks Anya, I’m freeing you” Lexa gently smiled to her cousin. She knew Anya had to go back to work, and she was herself surprised that Titus hadn’t called her yet.

Anya got up and quickly hugged Lexa.

“I like the kid. Call me anytime”.

Lexa nodded. Anya said goodbye, and left the loft. Lexa and Ayden resumed playing with the toys, Ayden very happy about Anya’s gift, and Lexa simply content to see the kid smile and talk excitedly  about what the fire-fighters and policemen.

* * *

 Anya had spent two hours at Lexa’s place, playing with Ayden, and now she was inside the Trikru building, heading towards her office.  
Anya was her own boss, Lexa being the only one above her. She was like the ambassador for Trikru inside Coalition Corp. In theory, it was her and Indra, but since Indra was on a secret team which didn’t officially exist, Indra couldn’t be the public face of Trikru. Anya was, and was very good at her job, keeping the company working and everyone in line.

An assistant handed her a coffee, and at the moment she turned around to open her office’s door, someone bumped into her, spilling her coffee on her clothes.

“Son of a bi***, can’t you pay attention to where you...” Anya began to shout, but stopped immediately when she recognised the person who had bumped into her.

“Raven?”

The girl looked up in recognition too.

“Anya! I didn’t see you, I just...” Raven said, trying to apologise herself. Yeah, Raven wasn’t good with apologises.

“It’s ok” Anya waved her off, “I guess we are equals now”.

It made Raven smile, and Anya decided it was the prettiest thing she had seen in a while. Anya then noticed how Raven’s arms were full of papers, and handed her hands over to help the girl.

“Let me help you carry all this. Where are you going?”

Raven hesitated a little before giving Anya things to  carry for her, but her appointment –which had turned out very very well- had tired her off and her leg was hurting her like hell.

“I’m heading out, a friend is waiting for me”.

Anya nodded, grabbed some stuff and followed Raven to the outside of the building. Anya was observant, and she didn’t fail to notice Raven’s leg wrapped in some complicated brace. If she wanted to know what had happened to the girl, Anya didn’t ask.

Finally outside the building, Raven waved at Lincoln, who was waiting leaning on his car.

“Hey Raven, so are you hired?” Lincoln asked, immediately reaching for the things Raven was carrying.

“Hell yes I am!” Raven said, jumping excitedly.

Lincoln smiled, and then Anya recognised the guy who was talking to Raven.

“You’re Lincoln”, she said.

The man seemed to notice her presence, and his eyes widened when he recognised the girl.

“Anya. Long time no see, Woods!” Lincoln said, handing his arm to her, like they had used to greet each other when they were kids many years ago.

Anya and Lincoln had been living in the same neighbourhood as children, before Lexa came to live with Anya and her fathers. They had been pretty close, with a lot of respect for each other, but then life had happened and they had lost contact.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Raven asked.

“How do you know Anya?” Lincoln asked back.

“Lincoln and I grew up in the same neighbourhood as kids” Anya explained for Raven, “and Raven and I jumped into each other twice today”, she added for Lincoln.

She watched Lincoln and Raven laugh, and couldn’t help to ask.

“Are you two a thing...?”  

Lincoln and Raven immediately chocked on air.

“Oh no, not a chance!” Raven was quick to clarify, “he is my best friend’s boyfriend, and so not my type.”

“Yeah, not my type either” Lincoln confirmed.

Anya smiled at the two of them, and noticed time was running.

“So hum, I have to go or I’ll be really late, I guess I’ll see you around... Some time? Lincoln, call me one of those days, I gave Raven my number” Anya said, waving goodbye at them and entering inside the building.

Lincoln raised a brow. “How the hell did she give you her number?”

“Story related to her spilling coffee on me” Raven shrugged.

“Weird. She hates to give her number to people” Lincoln said. 

Raven shrugged again. “Are we going, or what?”

Lincoln nodded, finishing putting all Raven’s things in the car, and sat down behind the wheel.

“What is all that mess you’re bringing home anyways?” the man asked.

“Papers they gave me, to update me about their company”, Raven shrugged. 

“Like you need papers to help you figure how things work” Lincoln smiled.

“Damn right I don’t”, Raven said, and the both of them laughed in the cab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably post another chapter later in the day! If I don't post another one today, it will be out tomorrow!


	19. Crossing Paths part.2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter! Enjoy! Thanks for everyone reading and reviewing! :)
> 
> Next chapter will be out tomorrow, or if I can't, on monday!

_Song : I’ll Find You by Finding Favour_

 

 Sunday morning. Octavia rolled over her side in the floor, coughing because of the dust she was lying in. Athol, the guy training with her, gave her his hand to help her get up after throwing her on the floor.

“Focus Oktavia” Indra said.

Octavia clenched her teeth, and put herself into position again. She knew she needed to concentrate more if she didn’t want to end on the floor again, but her mind was full of worry. She had exchanged a few texts with the group during the weekend, and none of them had had news about Clarke and little Ayden. Octavia bended down to dodge Athol’s fist coming in her direction, and hit him into his stomach, making him step back a little.

Indra had them fight each other for three hours now, and every muscle of Octavia’s body was aching. Athol wasn’t much better; blood was slipping from his nose and had trouble moving his left arm. Octavia was doing the best she could, because she was always feeling like she had to prove something; she knew she had been hired in an unconventional way, and she needed to prove she was worth the trust Indra was putting on her.

But today, and as the days before, Octavia didn’t have her mind completely focus. She was feeling home-sick, and that was weird to say coming from her, because Octavia had never really felt at home anywhere. But right now, she was missing Lincoln, his smile and his protective arms. She was missing her annoying big brother who would do anything to protect her. She was missing Raven with all her sassy comments, and she was missing everyone else. Hell, she was even missing Murphy with his sarcasm.

And most of all, she missed Clarke. God, how bad she was missing the blonde. She didn’t think it could be possible to miss her so much, because well Octavia and Clarke hadn’t always been agree on everything, and Octavia had been angry at her a lot of times in the past. But now without her, Octavia was feeling like her world was losing its balance, like everything was wrong. She didn’t see Athol’s foot coming towards her legs and fell on the dust again.

“That’s enough, take a break Athol” Indra ordered.

The boy nodded, and went away looking for water. Indra silently sighed; she could see Octavia was distracted by something, and the older woman had a probable inch of the matter, but she didn’t like Octavia’s mind to be preoccupied by other things as fighting for her life. If she was not a hundred percent in the fight, she would die or injure herself badly.

Indra gave her hand to Octavia, who slowly rose to her feet.

“What is it in your mind Oktavia?” Indra asked.

Octavia sat on a bench a few feet away, pouring water on her face.

“Nothing” the girl answered, only making Indra roll her eyes because it was obviously a lie.

She took a sit next to Octavia, waiting for her to explain.

“Clarke is missing” Octavia finally said “and we don’t know where she is. But she’s in danger; we think Finn is beating her, and it’s like she’s erasing all traces for us to find her”.

Indra didn’t reply, because what could she say?

“And I’m worried about her. We all are”.

Indra nodded, and put her hand on Octavia’s knee. If Octavia was surprised by the mark of affection, she tried hard not to show it.

“Clarke is a smart woman. She will find you when the time will be right”.

Octavia poured a little more water on her face. She knew Indra was right. There were no ways they could find Clarke if she didn’t want to be found, and that they’ll have to wait until she comes back to them on her own will. But that wasn’t stopping Octavia from worrying though.

“Get your head back in this, _Oktavia com Skaikru_ , you can’t help Clarke if you’re dead because you didn’t pay attention enough” Indra said while getting up.

Octavia nodded, and resumed her position in front of Athol, determination now more present within herself. She needed to be strong. Strong like Clarke was probably trying to be right now.

Indra watched the two of them fight, and was pleased to see that Octavia had brought back her attention to the combat. The first time she had seen Octavia fight, she had been stunned by the girl’s determination; alone against a bunch of guys, trying to show she could stand up for herself. Of course, the girl had had her ass kicked really hard, but she hadn’t given up on fighting. Indra had intervened and had made the boys run away. She had seen something in that fit brunette, and she couldn’t let her alone in the wilderness. She had explained to Octavia what her job was. _Strength of spirit like that is rare,_ Indra had told the girl, _it must be guided._ She had asked Octavia to join her, so she could become her second. And Octavia had said yes.

Since that day, Indra could see the progress her favourite second –even if she never had told Octavia she was her favourite- was making, and it was making her very proud. That girl had potential, and a huge one. _Maybe one day, she’ll be the one to replace me_ , Indra thought.

* * *

 It was nine am, and Bellamy was making his way into the police station. He wasn’t supposed to be here, but with the whole “Clarke’s missing” story and Octavia on mission, he needed to do something to keep his mind busy.  
But as Bellamy was making his way into the police station, he noticed how people were moving like in some kind of hive; he face-palmed himself. Today the boss of Polis’ police was going to be there for inspection. Bellamy was already clenching his teeth at the thought of it; he had chosen his day very well.

Thelonius Jaha. This guy wasn’t really a cob anymore, too old to go on the field, but he had managed to be still in charge somehow, and that was pissing Bellamy off. Every time he was in front of him, Bellamy was seeing Charlotte’s lifeless body on the floor again, Wells’ grave, and every troubles they all had had after that.

He took the corridor going through the cells to go into his office, because he did not want to cross roads with Jaha. As he was walking, his mind full of thoughts about Clarke and Octavia and Jaha, Bellamy suddenly noticed something familiar. He got closer to one of the cells, and his eyes widened. Finn. Finn was here, in a cell, lying on the camp-bed, sleeping. Or maybe he was unconscious, because he had several bruises on him. Bellamy couldn’t have done that, he had seen Finn a week ago and those bruises were not Bellamy’s doing. _Why the fuck was Finn here?_

* * *

 In Lexa’s loft, Ayden and her were making pancakes for breakfast. Last night, Ayden had finally agreed to sleep in the same bed as her mother, while Lexa was in the spare room, but in the middle of the night he had woken Lexa up, because Clarke had been fussing in the bed, completely asleep and having some nightmares. Lexa had got onto the bed with Ayden in her arms, had calmed Clarke down, and as the night before, the three of them had fallen asleep all together.

“Watch out Ayden, you’re putting syrup on the floor” Lexa gently said when maple syrup spilled on the floor.

Ayden looked up to her with an apologetic smile before reaching for the sponge to clean up his mess.

Lexa’s phone rang, and she answered frowning, because she didn’t recognize the number.

“Lexa Woods?”

“Hi Ms Woods, this is Marcus Kane”, the voice said back.

Lexa’s eyes widened in recognition. This was the guy who had helped her with Finn this other day, and who had handed him to the police. She silently told Ayden to watch the pancakes and not to eat them while she was gone.

“Yes hello!” she said.

“So hum I’m calling to tell you I did drop Finn Collins at the police station on Friday, and when I came back today they  made me give my testimony on the case but they need yours, and most of all they need to talk to Clarke”, the man explained.

Lexa frowned, because there was no way Clarke would agree to talk to the police. She wasn’t even talking to her, neither to her son.

“Hm I don’t know, she’s pretty...” Lexa began.

“Yeah she must be scared right now. Clarke’s testimony can wait, but you should go give yours soon, they need it for Finn’s aggression to be punished”.

“Ok, I’ll go today” Lexa said.

She thanked Kane for calling her, they said goodbye and hang up.

Lexa got back in the kitchen where Ayden had began to eat a pancake. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing when she spotted the boy trying to hide the half-chewed pancake.

“It’s ok Ayden, I’m hungry too!”

The boy smiled, and they prepared food on a trail to bring to Clarke. They all sat on the bed, ate breakfast, and Ayden left the room after finishing eating to play with his now favourite toy –and the only one he had here- while Lexa forced Clarke to put ointment on her bruises. Clarke had to let Lexa apply it, because there were movements she couldn’t make without whining in pain.  

“Clarke, I have to leave for an hour, maybe more” Lexa carefully said, testing Clarke’s reaction.

As expected, Clarke tensed.

“I have to go to the police station to give them my testimony about the other day, I won’t be long”, Lexa tried again.

The blonde didn’t say a thing.

“I’m going to call Anya to ask her to stay with Ayden and you, just in case you need something. Is that ok?”

Clarke reluctantly nodded. She didn’t want Lexa to go. She knew she was just being stupid, because Lexa would be back –it was her place after all- but still, she was uncomfortable with the idea of not having Lexa around. She was making her feel safe, and she didn’t want that feeling to leave her, even for a few hours.

“Clarke, I have something to ask” Lexa whispered, lowering her eyes. She needed to get that thought out of her head, and there was only one way to do it.

Clarke looked at Lexa curiously, waiting for the brunette to talk again.

“Don’t go. Don’t run away again”, Lexa murmured, locking her green eyes in blue eyes. She saw Clarke clenching her jaw, and looking away.

“Let me help you” Lexa said again, “be there when I come home”.

Clarke nodded, much to her own surprise. Lexa gave her a tiny smile, helped her get under the blankets, and left the room to check on Ayden and call Anya.

* * *

 In the police station, Bellamy couldn’t believe Finn was here. He frowned, and got at the end of the corridor where he knew Bryan –Nathan Miller’s boyfriend, living two floors ahead of his apartment- usually was, guarding the cells.

“Hi Blake, how are you doing?” Bryan asked a little surprised because he didn’t know what Bellamy was doing here, as he was not supposed to work today.

“I’m fine” Bellamy said. “I was trying to avoid Jaha by taking that way, but why Finn is in a cell?”

Bryan frowned. He hadn’t seen this. He had just gotten here.

“What?”

“Finn is here. Locked up in a cell” Bellamy said again.

Bryan rushed to the cell to be sure it was real, followed by Bellamy.

“Holy shit” Bryan exclaimed when he saw the bruises covering Finn’s face, “what happened to him? Are you the one responsible for that when you...”

“No I’m not” Bellamy answered cutting him off, “it’s been a week. Those are more recent”.

Bryan nodded, because he knew Bellamy was right. But how Finn had ended up here? Bryan got back to his desk, tipping on the computer to see Finn’s file.

“It just said he was brought back here on... Friday” Bryan said, his eyes widening. How the hell could he be in that cell for so long and they didn’t noticed it?

Bellamy clenched his teeth again, as he was having the same thoughts as Bryan.

“What charges?” he asked, not really sure to want the answer to that question.

Bryan looked through the file, and gasped when he saw what he was looking for.

“Domestic violence” he whispered, slowly turning to Bellamy.

Bellamy couldn’t hold his anger anymore, and rushed to Finn’s cell again, hitting the bars to wake him up.

“What did you do to her asshole?!” he shouted at Finn who was awakening from all the noise.

Bryan tried to hold Bellamy back because he didn’t want him to get into trouble, that was not what Clarke needed right now and he knew they all had to keep their minds clear in order to make things right.

“Bellamy calm down please” Bryan whispered, “Clarke needs us”.

Bellamy listened to him, because he knew he was right. They couldn’t get mad at someone in detention, he had to stay professional.

“Hey guys”, Finn said, now that he was fully awake “what are you two doing here?”

The both of them shot him a questioning glare. Finn knew they were working in the police. Didn’t he?

“The question is, what are you doing here Finn?” Bellamy shot back.

Finn shrugged.

“Dunno. Some guy took me in his car and brought me here.”

Bellamy and Bryan frowned. Finn knew a lot of people in the city; it was weird he didn’t remembered the face of the person who had taken him to the police station.

“Where were you?” Bryan asked.

Suddenly, Finn’s face lightened up.

“At home! With Clarke and that kid! I knew she was coming back, I know she would return home so I...”

But Bellamy hit the bars again, making Finn shut up.

“You say she was with you? At your house? With Ayden?” Bryan questioned him.

“Yeah. And then this... pathetic girl came in and pushed me to the floor. Then this guy took me out of my own house” Finn explained as he was trying to remember “he took me out of MY house guys!”

Bellamy and Bryan didn’t say anything, silently looking at one-another. They didn’t understand what was going on. From what they had understood from Finn, Clarke and Ayden had been back at Finn’s place on Friday. Why didn’t they have known about this? They were all taking turns around the neighbourhood, and no one had seen a thing, and the house had been empty when Bellamy had check, no later than yesterday. Where was Clarke?

Bellamy and Bryan were ready to interrogate Finn more, but one of their colleague arrived.

“Sergeant Blake, someone is here for a deposition on a case”, he started, “for Mr. Finn Collins, can you do it? We are a little overwhelmed back there with Jaha being here and everything...”

Bellamy raised a brow at Bryan who shrugged, but followed his colleague nonetheless.  

They entered a room, where a tall man was sitting on the chair.

“Hello Sir” Bellamy said, “you’re here for a deposition on Mr Finn Collins?”

“Yes that is right” the man nodded.

“Fine” Bellamy said, sitting down. He was curious about what that man knew; maybe he could tell him where Clarke was.

“I need your full name please and your relation to Finn Collins if you have any” Bellamy asked.

“Marcus Kane, I’m a neighbour from Mr Collins, and I know his girlfriend’s mother very well”.

Bellamy frowned. “What do you know about Clarke Griffin?”

“I didn’t say that name”, Kane stated.

Bellamy clenched his teeth.

“Tell me what you saw”, he said.

Kane explained how he had heard screams coming from Finn and Clarke’s house, and that he was suspecting Finn to hit Clarke for a few months now, but without any real proofs. He told Bellamy he had seen a brunette woman entering the house, and he had decided to go help too, when he had seen the woman knocking Finn on the floor, and hitting him cold. He explained how the two of them had talked, how Clarke seemed to know the woman, and how the woman had told him Ayden and her were going to be at her place.

“Who is that woman?” Bellamy asked. It was not someone they knew. That person would have told them.

“Lexa. Lexa Woods”.

Bellamy raised her brows. Lexa Woods, as Lexa Woods from Coalition Corp.? Bellamy knew the name too well, because Octavia and Raven were big fans of the woman.

“You’re saying Lexa Woods had taken Clarke and Ayden at her place?” Bellamy asked.

“Yes”, Marcus Kane confirmed.

Bellamy got up in a rush, and almost fell backwards doing so. “I need Lexa’s Woods address and number, and for the file she will have to come here to make her deposition, and Clarke, we need to talk to her”, he quickly said.

Marcus Kane gave Bellamy the card Lexa had given him. Bellamy ran out of the office, told Bryan he knew where to find Clarke, and headed towards Arcadia to tell the others.

* * *

 Almost an hour later, Lexa was heading out of the police station. She was quite angry, because Marcus Kane had told her to come to give her deposition, but the cob responsible of this had left before Lexa arrived. And now, she had left Clarke and Ayden alone for nothing. She sighed, and spotted the little grocery store near the police station, and decided to buy some stuffs, as she had three mouths to feed now.

When Lexa got out of the shop, she had heavy bags in her arms. Yeah, maybe she had bought too much stuff, but she didn’t know what the two of them liked, and she didn’t want to force them to eat something they didn’t like. And Lexa may have bought some toys for Ayden, too.

But fortunately, a car parked near Lexa, and she recognised the driver right away.

“Hey Lincoln” she greeted him.

“Hello Miss Woods, do you need a hand?” he asked, smiling back.

“Yeah, thank you, and please call me Lexa!”

The brunette didn’t know why, but there was something about this man which was making her feel comfortable. Lexa never had a lot of friends –she had none, actually- but she was feeling like she could be friend with Lincoln. They put all the groceries in the car, and got in.

“Small town huh?” Lincoln smiled. There were a lot of cabs here in Polis, but curiously they had managed to run into each other three times now, in a matter of week.

“Yeah indeed”, the brunette smiled back.

“So, are you having some kind of family dinner or...?” Lincoln asked, trying to make conversation.

“Oh no” Lexa said, “hum, I have this... friend, I guess... And she’s staying at my place, and I don’t know what she likes to eat so hum I...”

Lexa stopped talking, wondering why she was rambling. Lexa Woods never ramble. It made Lincoln smile a little.

“Are you close to this friend..?” he asked. He was really curious about this Lexa Woods; after all, no one knew her well, she was a mystery for everyone.

“I don’t know, actually...” Lexa sighed.

“Do you care about her?” Lincoln asked.

“Yes, I do”, Lexa smiled, “I don’t know her that much, but I don’t know, there is something about her, the way she smiles or...” Lexa stopped herself, her cheeks reddening when she realized what she was saying.

Lincoln noticed, and lightly smiled. “Don’t be ashamed to say what you’re feeling, Miss Woods, you have the right to like this girl”.

Lexa shifted uncomfortably on her sit. She wasn’t used to talk about her feelings, especially with strangers she had met only three times in her life. Hell, she wasn’t even talking to Anya about herself much, and this woman had been her cousin her entire life.

“I don’t even know her”, Lexa huffed, “She won’t talk to me”.

Lincoln frowned because he didn’t understand how that girl could be at Lexa’s without talking to her, but he didn’t ask questions; he had noticed how Lexa was shy and reserved about herself, and he didn’t want to cross a limit with her.

A few minutes later, Lincoln was parking in front of Lexa’s loft. The brunette opened her pursed and gave him more money than needed, and once again she didn’t let him gave the spare cash back to her.

“Alright but I’m helping with those bags”, Lincoln had said.

Lexa smiled, and let the guy took the bags and carry them into her apartment.

At the moment she opened the door, an excited Ayden ran into her legs, shouting.

“Yexa you’re back!”

Lexa smiled again, but then she looked at Lincoln, and frowned because the man had his mouth completely open in shock, and he almost dropped the bags.

“Lincoln?” Lexa asked.

“Hum yeah” he shook his head, “Ayden what are you doing here?”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to drop her jaw, and her eyes widened even more when Ayden turned himself to face the man.

“Hi Uncle Lincoln! I’m staying with Lexa now” Ayden shrugged, as if it was the clearest thing in the world.

Lexa was frozen on spot. _What the fucking fuck was going on here?_


	20. I'll Keep You Safe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's chapter 20 already! That came fast! Enjoy!
> 
> PS: this song is one of my favorite, really cool to fall asleep, don't hesitate to listen to it!

_Song : I’ll keep you safe by Sleeping At Last_

 

A few minutes later, Lincoln was parking in front of Lexa’s loft. The brunette opened her pursed and gave him more money than needed, and once again she didn’t let him gave the spare cash back to her.

“Alright but I’m helping with those bags”, Lincoln had said.

Lexa smiled, and let the guy took the bags and carry them into her apartment.

At the moment she opened the door, an excited Ayden ran into her legs, shouting.

“Yexa you’re back!”

Lexa smiled again, but then she looked at Lincoln, and frowned because the man had his mouth completely open in shock, and he almost dropped the bags.

“Lincoln?” Lexa asked.

“Hum yeah” he shook his head, “Ayden what are you doing here?”

Now it was Lexa’s turn to drop her jaw, and her eyes widened even more when Ayden turned himself to face the man.

“Hi Uncle Lincoln! I’m staying with Lexa now” Ayden shrugged while hugging his legs, as if it was the clearest thing in the world.

Lexa was frozen on spot. _What the fucking fuck was going on here?_

Lincoln wasn’t better, as he didn’t understand how Ayden could be here.

“But...” Lincoln stuttered, “Where is Clarke?”

“Wait, how do you know Ayden?” Lexa stopped him, not believing what she was hearing.

And at this very moment, because the situation wasn’t complicated and weird enough, Anya came into the living-room looking for Ayden who had run off the room they had been playing in.

“Lincoln? Why are you here?” Anya frowned when she saw the man standing in the entrance, Ayden still hugging his legs.

Lexa’s eyes widened a little more, as Lincoln’s.  How Anya could know Lincoln? Why everyone was knowing everyone?

“This is too weird for me”, Lexa murmured, “can someone explain why the...”

But of course Lexa was cut off when a very pale looking Clarke made her way into the living-room, wanting to see the cause for all that noise. Her eyes widened when she saw Lincoln, standing alongside Lexa. Lincoln didn’t waste a minute, put the bags he was still carrying on the floor and approached Clarke, slowly at first, but determined.

“Clarke” he whispered, “we were all looking for you”.

Clarke stayed still in shock. Why was Lincoln here, how did he find her? She didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t ready to see him, to see them, not yet. But eventually now that Lincoln had found her, she wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret for long. Clarke felt his look on her, and lowered her head so their eyes don’t meet.

Lincoln suddenly leaned forward, and took Clarke in his arms, hugging her, under Anya’s and Lexa’s stares, both unbelieving what was happening. The blonde shivered first, but then relaxed into him, and put her arms around him to reciprocate the hug weakly.

“We missed you”, Lincoln murmured, pulling away.

Clarke looked at him, not knowing what the right thing to say was. She wasn’t ready for them. Lincoln then turned himself to Lexa.

“Is that the girl you said you...” Lincoln began.

“Yes”, Lexa cut him off.

She didn’t want Clarke to know what they had talked about in the cab, did she? But the brunette didn’t understand a single thing. First Lincoln seemed to know Clarke and Ayden, and that was very confusing because Clarke had said they were on their own. Second, Lincoln had said _“we missed you”,_ so the blonde was definitely not alone in this town. Third, Ayden had called the guy “ _uncle_ ”. Again, what the fuck was going on?

“Clarke we know everything” Lincoln started to speak again, “we know about Finn. He’s never going to approach the two of you again. You have to come back with me to Arcadia, the others...” Lincoln sighed, “The others are missing you. It’s not the same when you’re not here.”

Clarke looked down at her feet.

“I’m not ready...” She whispered.

“But why?”

Clarke sighed, and Lexa got closer to her, to protect her if she needed it, while Anya was taking Ayden by the hand to let the others talk. Clarke took her hair out of her neck, showing Lincoln the bruises she still had and then lifted her shirt, showing him the purple zone all around her torso and stomach.

Lincoln put his hand on his mouth, in utter shock. He could never have guessed Finn had hurt Clarke that much. Lincoln never showed his emotions, and could act like a cold-hearted person sometimes, but right the only thing she wanted to do was cry. His heart was aching for the blonde, and he was feeling like dying, because they had let something like that happen. He had let this happen to the woman who had saved their lives multiple times.

“Clarke...” Lincoln murmured, focusing on his voice so it wouldn’t break.

“I’m ok”, Clarke weakly smiled, “Lexa... Lexa rescued me.”

Lincoln nodded, understanding that Clarke wasn’t probably feeling safe yet and would rather stay a little longer with Lexa, because apparently she had been the one to save the day.

“I understand you don’t want to come back with us yet, but what do I say to them...?” he asked, “I can’t lie; they all had been worried sick about ya”.

“You can tell them you saw me” Clarke said with a tiny voice, “Tell them I’m ok and I’m with a friend and I’ll get in touch soon, but please Lincoln, don’t tell them where I am”.

Clarke had been begging her last sentence; she couldn’t even manage herself right now, she couldn’t face the others and look at all the pity in their eyes, she had enough of that in herself.  Lincoln reluctantly nodded; he wasn’t very happy about hiding Clarke’s location to the others –because he didn’t want to have secrets- but if this what Clarke wanted, so she would to come back to them, he could accept it.

“OK Clarke. But please, turn your phone and the app on. Don’t go off radar again”. Lincoln asked in a worried voice.

“Will do”, Clarke whispered.

Lincoln nodded. “Ok. I’m going to go now. Stay safe, we will see you soon”.

Lincoln got out of the loft after hugging Ayden and exchanging a few words with Anya.

* * *

 Once Lincoln was outside, he noticed he had several texts on his phone. He opened the secret app.

**Bellamy: meeting at my place. Got news.**

**Raven: you got yourself a girl, Blake?**

**Murphy: What’s up?**

**Bellamy: shut up Raven. It’s about Clarke.**

**Raven: On my way.**

**Murphy: We’ll be here in five.**

**Harper: Meet you there.**

**Lincoln: I’m coming**

**Murphy: I’ll be there quickly too.**

Lincoln frowned, because he didn’t know what Bellamy had to say. Lincoln was the one to actually discover something today; anyways, this meeting could be a great thing, since Lincoln had still to tell them he had found Clarke.

Twenty minutes later, Lincoln was parking near Arcadia and noticed all the cars were here; everyone was already there, probably waiting for him. He rushed upstairs, kicking into the apartment door.  

“I found Clarke” Bellamy and Lincoln said at the second Lincoln crossed the door frame.

Everyone shot them questioning glares.

“I found Clarke”, Bellamy repeated.

“Wait, what do you mean _you found Clarke_?” Monty asked.

“That’s impossible”, Lincoln protested, “I...I just saw her, and there’s no way you found her”. He didn’t want to say he had been where Clarke now lived, but Bellamy couldn’t have found her as Lincoln was the first member of the group Clarke had seen.

“I didn’t say I’ve seen her, I just... Wait, you’ve seen Clarke?” Bellamy asked, getting closer to him.

Raven got up too. “Lincoln, you saw Clarke? Today? Where is she?”

Lincoln sighed, and sat down next to them.

“I did see Clarke today, and Ayden too. She is well. She’s with a friend, and she’ll get in touch soon” Lincoln repeated what Clarke had said to him.

But of course, it wasn’t enough for them, and certainly not for Bellamy.

“Oh I know that friend of hers. She’s staying at Lexa Woods’” Bellamy spilled, “learned that at the police station earlier”.

Lincoln frowned as everyone else gasped. Neither Clarke nor Lexa had talked about the police station, and the others were confused about the _Lexa Woods_ part. “What?”

“Finn is in a cell right now” Bellamy explained to the group, “we found him this morning with Bryan, some guy named Marcus Kane had brought him there yesterday”.

“Marcus Kane?” Raven frowned, “Abby had a friend named Marcus Kane. He is also friend with Thelonius Jaha”.

“Yeah” Bellamy confirmed, “Kane is Clarke and Finn’s neighbour apparently”.

For a minute, no one said a word, taking all the info in. “Why is Finn in jail?” Emori asked.

“She hum.. Clarke has a lot of bruises on her body” Lincoln began.

“Domestic violence”, Bellamy told them, teeth clenched.

Jasper took his head into his hands as Monty was kicking a pillow. They knew Finn had hurt Clarke and that it was the main reason Clarke had left, but this much... They wouldn’t have guessed it.

“So you’re saying you know where Clarke is, right?” Jasper asked.

“Yes” Bellamy nodded, “I just have a call to make and I’m going to go there to bring her back”.

He turned himself to leave, but Lincoln caught him by the arm, keeping him from moving.

“Bellamy, don’t”, Lincoln said.

In the room, everyone raised a brow.

“Let me go, Lincoln”, Bellamy said, teeth clenched, “Clarke belongs with us, so we can protect her”.

Lincoln sighed, because there was no way Clarke would like to see Bellamy arriving into Lexa’s loft.

“Bellamy, she said she would get in touch soon. It’s her choice. We can’t force her to do anything”, Lincoln tried to argue.

“But she is with a stranger, we can’t let her down!” Harper protested.

“Yeah, Clarke needs to come home!” Monty agreed with his girlfriend.

Soon enough, everyone was giving his mind about the situation, and Lincoln was ready to explode. He wished Octavia was here; she would have understood, and she would have helped him.

“Guys, guys!” Lincoln suddenly shouted so the others would shut up.

They went silent in a second, fixing him with curiosity. Lincoln had never raised his voice with them, not a single time since they had met him.

“You haven’t seen her guys, she’s... She is different” Lincoln sighed again, “and Finn hurt her bad, like very bad, and I don’t know what happened but Lexa saved her life, and Clarke feels more safe with her, for now”.

“That part is true” Bellamy nodded, “Kane said Lexa Woods saved Clarke by neutralising Finn”. He stopped talking to be sure everyone had heard well, “but it doesn’t change the fact Clarke is staying with a stranger!”

“Shup up Blake” Raven suddenly said, and she had all eyes on her. “We need to trust Clarke on that. If she’s not feeling safe to come back here, maybe we need to make things safer here. This is not a game, and Clarke is not alone; Ayden is there too, and we need to protect the two of them. Ayden can’t live here, surrounded by all the crap in our lives. We need to make this right, for them.”  

Bellamy wanted to protest and tell them that Clarke would still be safer with them, but the others seemed to agree with Raven, so he kept his mouth close. For now.

“Are you sure she was fine?” Harper asked.

“I don’t know” Lincoln sighed, “she told me she was. But guys, all she needs is time. She knows we are here. The least we can do is give her that time she needs to figure some things out.”

They agreed on this, and promised Lincoln they wouldn’t try to reach for her before she did. Lincoln secretly hoped they would all keep this promise, but who knew?

* * *

 Once the door closed behind Lincoln, Ayden began to try to carry the heavy bags in the kitchen, failing to lift them up.

Lexa and Clarke were watching each other without saying a word, and Clarke was afraid. She knew she had lie to Lexa about her being on her own. She knew Lexa was probably going to kick them out soon, so she didn’t say a word. In fact she was already starting to go to the bedroom to collect her things, accepting the fact Ayden and her were going to be on the streets again.

But that wasn’t what Lexa was thinking about. She saw Clarke’s face drop, and when she saw her move again, she knew Clarke was going to go.

“Don’t leave”, Lexa whispered at the blonde’s attention, before kneeling down next to an oblivious Ayden to pick up the bags and bring them into the kitchen, helped by Anya.

“Did you see my uncle’s muscles? He is very strong!” Ayden said, showing his own arm to Lexa.

“Yeah, he looks like it”, Lexa sighed, still not accepting the fact Ayden had a real family somewhere.

“Maybe he could make an arm wrestling against Anya, to see which one would win” the boy said again, unpacking the fruits Lexa had bought.

Lexa smiled, and Anya laughed at the boy’s words.

“Anya, maybe Ayden and you could make lunch for this time?” Lexa asked her cousin, because she really needed to talk to Clarke who had run off into the bedroom.

Anya nodded, and Lexa left the kitchen to go find Clarke.

In the bedroom, Clarke was absent-mindedly looking at the ceiling, tugging at her pants, fists closed, like she was ready to explode anytime soon.

“Clarke”, Lexa said, sitting on the couch next to her. And then, at the way Clarke was breathing, Lexa recognised it; the beginning of a panic attack growing inside the blonde.

Suddenly, Clarke was having troubles breathing, and was constantly putting her hands on the bruises she had on her body, trying to rip them off of her.

“Clarke”, Lexa said to bring her back to reality, “Clarke look at me”.

_I'll keep you safe_   
_Try hard to concentrate_  
 _Hold out your hand_  
 _Can you feel the weight of it?_  
_The whole world at your fingertips_

Still panting, Clarke looked up, and locked her eyes on Lexa’s.

Slowly, Lexa kneeled in front of the blonde and put her hands on Clarke’s forearms to stop her from hurting herself. The brunette was careful not to constrict too much the blonde’s arms; she didn’t want her touch to trigger something.

“Clarke you’re ok”, she whispered, “you’re ok, you’re safe”.  

_Your darkness will be rewritten_  
_Into a work of fiction, you'll see_  
 _As you pull on every ribbon_  
 _You'll find every secret it keeps_

Clarke’s panting slowed, but now her eyes were watering, still locked in Lexa’s. The brunette continued to calm Clarke, drawing circles on her forearms.

“You’re safe, it’s over, you’re ok, Ayden is ok, no one can hurt you” Lexa murmured again.

_You are an artist_  
_But your heart is your masterpiece_  
 _And I'll keep it safe_

And then, that was it. The breakdown Lexa was waiting for. Tears began to fell from Clarke’s eyes, and soon she was sobbing uncontrollably. Lexa’s heart broke for the thousandth time.  
Clarke leaned forward, and rested her head on the crock of Lexa’s shoulder on her chest. Her whole body was shaking, and Lexa progressively put her arms around Clarke, trying to soothe her.

“You’re ok, I’ve got you, you’re ok” Lexa kept saying, gently rocking Clarke.

_Don't be, don't be afraid_   
_Our mistakes they were bound to be made_   
_But I promise you I'll keep you safe_   
_I'll keep you safe_

A few minutes later, Clarke was exhausted. Lexa silently helped her to change into comfy clothes and made her lay in the bed.

But just as Lexa was beginning to leave, Clarke hanged to her shirt, keeping her from moving.

“Lexa stay” The blonde said in a whisper, so low that Lexa almost didn’t hear what she had just said.

Lexa nodded and laid beside Clarke. At Lexa’s surprise, Clarke turned around and snuggled into Lexa’s chest. Soon, tears were soaking her shirt, and Lexa knew Clarke was crying again. Lexa couldn’t take it anymore, and put both of her arms around Clarke, trying to make them as one person, pulling the blonde as closer to her as possible.  
Lexa felt Clarke’s hand grabbing her shirt. She didn’t mind; Ayden and her had done it before.

“Clarke, listen to me” she finally said in a whisper, heartbroken to see Clarke like this, her beautiful blue eyes ravaged by tears, “everything will get better. You’re ok, he won’t ever touch you or Ayden again. I promise you”, Lexa continued to say, “You’re safe, Ayden is safe. I know you don’t trust me yet, but I just want to help you...”

And Clarke believed her. At this very moment, Clarke surrendered, and all she wanted was to stay buried in Lexa for the rest of her life.

“Thank you”, Clarke murmured, slowly calming herself, still crying a little.

_Dismiss the invisible_  
_By giving it shape_  
 _Like a clock maker fixes time_  
 _By keeping the gears in line_  
  
_Don't be, don't be afraid_  
 _God knows, these mistakes will be made_  
 _But I promise you I'll keep you safe_

Lexa gently smiled to her, and without thinking, kissed Clarke’s forehead. The blonde shivered, and buried her nose a little further in Lexa’s neck.  
Lexa began to draw circles on her back, helping her calm down. A few tears were still falling from Clarke’s eyes, but she wasn’t sobbing anymore.

Then, a knock was heard on Lexa’s bedroom’s door. The brunette frowned, and saw someone slowly push the door open.

“Yexa?” someone said.

Lexa recognised the voice, and apparently Ayden wasn’t in the kitchen with Anya anymore.

“Yes Ayden, I’m here” Lexa answered.

Ayden got close to the bed where his mother was still in Lexa’s arms.

“Can I have a hug too?” he asked.

It made Lexa smile, and she gestured for him to get onto the bed with them. The boy quickly got in, while Lexa was wiping away Clarke’s tears from her cheeks so Ayden couldn’t see his mother had cried. For that, Clarke was thankful. For that and for everything else Lexa had done for them.

Ayden placed himself between his mother and Lexa, sinking into their embraces. He was safe, here in their arms. _This is my family_ , he decided.

Clarke was submerged by feelings, too. Submerged by Lexa’s kindness and care, submerged by her son fully trusting Lexa, submerged by the feeling of being safe for the first time in her life.

“Mommy”, Ayden suddenly whined, “your hair is tickling me”.

Clarke couldn’t help herself and laughed.

“Oh, am I? Like this?” she asked her son, putting more of her blonde curls on Ayden’s face.

“Stop Mommy stop!” Ayden laughed too, trying to get rid of his mother’s hair.

Lexa had a beamed smile on her face. Clarke had smiled and actually laughed, for the first time since the accident. And in her bed with them, Lexa couldn’t get rid of the idea of the three of them, together forever.

They suddenly heard Anya shouting them that lunch was ready.

“Go help her set the  table Ayden, we’ll be there soon” Lexa told the boy, shaking his hair.

Ayden nodded, and disappeared from the room. Lexa got up too, kneeling in front of Clarke once again.

“Clarke” Lexa said.

The blonde sat up in the bed, waiting for what Lexa had to say. Instead of speaking, Lexa reached for the ointment Nyko had given her for Clarke, and silently asked Clarke to remove her top so Lexa could apply it. Clarke seemed to hesitate, but then removed her top –actually it was one of Lexa’s shirts - on her own.

“Clarke, don’t run off again”, Lexa finally said while she was applying the ointment with extra-care. She knew she probably sounded like she was begging, but she didn’t care. All she cared about was Clarke and Ayden’s safety.

“Lexa, I can’t...”

“Yes, you can”, Lexa cut her off, “you can stay here, please don’t leave again, you can just stay...!”

Clarke closed her eyes. She really wanted to say yes, god how bad she wanted to stay with Lexa forever, but they couldn’t barge into Lexa’s life like this.

“That’s not that simple...” Clarke weakly protested, her voice a little broken because of the fact she was going to refuse the only thing she wanted.

“I know, and we have a lot of things to talk about” Lexa nodded, “but just for now, until things are easier. Please Clarke, you have to let someone help you...”

Clarke opened her eyes, looking at Lexa. The brunette girl wasn’t wearing any walls anymore, and Clarke could read right through her. She slowly nodded.

“Okay”, she finally whispered, “we’ll stay”.

Lexa smiled, unconsciously coming closer to her.

“But there are things I need to take care of, things I need to tell you, and...” Clarke said again.

“We have time”, Lexa said, “and I’ll stay by your side”.

Clarke nodded with a tiny smile on her face. Lexa whipped the tears from Clarke’s face and kissed her cheek without thinking about it. Clarke’s heart melted at the affection, and she threw herself at Lexa’s neck, pulling the brunette into a bone crashing hug.  
Lexa was surprised first, but immediately reciprocated the hug, putting her strong arms around the blonde.

“Hey, why are you always hugging without me? Come on, lunch is ready!” Ayden shouted at their attention.

Lexa and Clarke laughed, the brunette helped Clarke get out of the bed and they both came into the kitchen under Anya’s stare, studying them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the puzzle is finally coming into pieces, and things will probably move faster now! Are you ready for Clarke and Lexa to (finally) talk and interact with each other?  
> A BIG THANK YOU for all the reviews, you're all amazing ;)


	21. Introducing Troubles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter! This one is like a "transition" one, because I can't always write about Ayden and Lexa, can I? ;)
> 
> Enjoy, and don't forget to tell me your thoughts! A HUGE thank you for everyone supporting me, you make me want to write more and more every day ;)

_Song : Shadow and Light by Martin Luke Brown_

 

Monday morning, and Lexa was stirring in the guest room. It was 6:30 am, and Lexa’s alarm clock was buzzing. Lexa sighed; this was usually her time to get up and prepare herself for work, but today, she didn’t know what to do. She was CEO, she couldn’t be gone for so long, and she hadn’t been really there since a week already. On the other hand, she didn’t want to leave Clarke and Ayden alone; Clarke was still recovering, and most of all, she didn’t want to let her the occasion to run away.

Yesterday, Clarke Ayden and her had spent the day playing and laughing, much to Lexa’s surprise. It had been a quiet Sunday, and Lexa had spent her time watching Clarke, the way she was smiling, the way her eyes were lightening when Ayden would smile to her. But Lexa had also noticed how Clarke was still shivering a little when someone was touching her without warning, the way she was slightly jumping when a sudden noise was heard, the way her eyes were always looking at the front door, as if she was waiting for someone to come in. Lexa hadn’t pushed the girl to talk, because Clarke was just coming out of her walls, but she knew they eventually needed to talk about all this.

And frankly, Lexa wanted to ask a thousand questions, to know everything there was to know. She wanted to know why Clarke and Ayden had run away from their house in the first place, and ended on the streets instead of asking for help to Lincoln and all their friends they seemed to have. She wanted to know why Ayden didn’t seem to go to school, and why Clarke didn’t seem to have a job. She wanted to know what Finn and Clarke’s relationship was like, and what Clarke had found in him for her to come home to him even if she knew he was a bad person. There were so many things Lexa didn’t know about Clarke, and a thousand possibilities were running on her mind.

Her phone rang, pulling her out of her thoughts.

“Hello Titus” Lexa said, looking at the phone number.

 _“Hello, Heda. I hope you had a great weekend”,_ he said.

Lexa raised a brow, because Titus had never asked about her private life. She knew what it was really about, though; Titus was silently telling her she couldn’t be absent for too long and that she needed to come back to work. “Yes I did, thank you. Why are you calling me, Titus?”

_“I wanted to remind you that Nia White is expected to be there at ten, Heda”._

Lexa clenched her teeth, because the last thing she wanted was to do was to see that bitch of Nia White. She had caused too much problems already, what could she want? Lexa knew the answer, of course; Nia wanted only one thing, her place as CEO.

“I’ll be there, Titus”, Lexa confirmed, much to her despair.

“ _Bye, Heda”_ the man said, hanging up.

Lexa passed her hand over her face and sighted again. She didn’t want to go, but Titus was right; she had responsibilities, she couldn’t be gone too long. She had decisions to make, people to guide and twelve companies to rule. She couldn’t stay hidden in her loft with Clarke and Ayden, even if she really wanted to.

She got up, and got in the shower.

* * *

 John Murphy was heading out of Arcadia towards his car –if he could call that thing a car- to go to work. Murphy was working at Floukru, one of the companies inside Coalition corp. Actually he had been working there for a while, with Emori –who he had met there- but last week, he had been reassigned to work with some Titus guy, to learn things from him. Murphy knew a few things about that man; first, he was working for Coalition Corp.’s CEO, Lexa Woods, as an advisor. Second, he wasn’t known for his open-mind and his tolerance. Finally, Murphy knew he would have trouble working with this man as an assistant, but it was eventually necessary for the rest of his career.

Once in Coalition’s corp. major building, Murphy waited almost half an hour for someone to bring him to Titus, and when he did see the man, well, Murphy knew he had been right about him. This guy had a wood stick stuck in his ass. _I’ll have great days,_ Murphy thought. But Murphy knew Titus was in direct contact with Lexa Woods, and with what they had learned yesterday, that Clarke was staying at Lexa’s place, maybe John would be able to do something for her in getting closer to Lexa, maybe getting infos or something.

“You’re John Murphy”, Titus stated, looking down on Murphy.

“The one and only”, John answered stretching out his hand.

Of course Titus didn’t take it, and made a small head move to tell Murphy to follow him.

“We have a meeting with Heda and Nia White, the woman in charge of the Azgeda Company, one of our twelve”, Titus informed him “you will have to take notes of the exchange without making yourself heard”.

John nodded, mentally asking himself who the fuck was Heda.

He didn’t had to wait too long for the answer though, because soon Lexa Woods was making her way into the corridor Titus and Murphy were waiting in.

“Heda, hello” Titus said, bowing his head when Lexa got closer.

Woods only nodded to him, and raised an interrogative brow at Murphy; she didn’t ask any questions about his presence, though.

“Is Nia White here already?” she asked with a formal voice.

For a moment, John Murphy was intrigued by this woman. She wasn’t that tall, but there was something about her, maybe the way she was speaking or maybe it was her posture, but she had something majestic about her, making her scary at the same time. Of course John wasn’t scared by anyone but still, the brunette had something which would make everyone think twice about what he had to say. _Kind of like Clarke sometimes_ , Murphy was thinking.

“I believe Nia is waiting for you in the council room” Titus said.

The three of them walked towards the office, and John was amazed by the number of rooms this building had. As he was walking, he wondered how many people were actually working here in this very building, and how many people Coalition Corp. was employing to make the twelve companies rolling.  
The more Murphy was thinking about it, the more it was becoming clear in his mind; 80% of the people in Polis were actually working for Lexa Woods. It wasn’t hard to verify this simple fact; in their only group, Raven, Emori and him were working directly for Lexa Woods. Bellamy and Bryan worked for the police, whose station was owned by Coalition Corp., same for Octavia and her secret team. Monty was a computer guy fixing things in one of the company too, while Harper was training to enter the police. Clarke had worked at Polis’ hospital, owned by Lexa Woods’ Sandkru, the medical company. Every each of their lives was depending on this brunette woman Murphy was following.

They entered a room with a big glass table and at least twenty seats, to see a woman with hair as white as snow.

“Lexa Woods is finally honouring me from her presence” the tall woman snorted, a little smirk on her face. Lexa on the contrary was wearing a complete neutral face, without any emotions.

Murphy knew it right away; that woman was trouble, and he hated her immediately.

“Don’t bother, Nia, we both know why you are here” Lexa snapped.

The tall woman smirked, and sat down. “Very well. You think I’m the one behind the article of you running for Mayor”, Nia White said.

“You’re behind a lot of things, Nia” Lexa retorted, sitting down too.

Titus shot a glare at John, who had forgotten he was supposed to take notes. Murphy opened his notebook, and began to write down all that the two women were saying. Actually, he wasn’t exactly writing everything; Murphy knew well how to read people, and he was adding with a pencil Nia’s face’s expressions; the way her brows were raising, the way her lips were moving; all about her attitude.

“I will not let you insult me, Lexa” Nia falsely protested.

But Lexa Woods was Heda. She was Coalition Corp.’s CEO, and she will not let herself be intimated by anyone.

“You will address me as Heda” Lexa hissed through her teeth.

Nia White hummed. She wasn’t expecting Lexa to be this calm. After all, Lexa was just a child who had inherited of something much bigger than her, wasn’t she? Nia was sure Lexa had weaknesses, and she knew Lexa would break, soon or later. In fact, she had already found one of Lexa’s weaknesses in the past; Costia. Nia smirked at the thought.

“As you wish”, Nia bowed her head with mockery, “Heda”. The tall woman took a second to look into Lexa’s eyes before speaking again, “But I have a proposition to make”.

Titus frowned, because he wasn’t expecting this. Neither was Lexa, but if she was surprised, she didn’t show it, keeping her impartial mask on her face. She only raised a brow at Nia to make her develop her proposition.

“Heda”, Titus whispered in Lexa’s ear, “may I ask for security to...”

But Lexa raised her hand at him, cutting him off “let her do her move” she said, and nodded to Nia so she can continue.

“Some people on the council board are... Concerned” Nia began, “by the fact that you are just a child, so my proposition is, make me the vice-president of Coalition Corp. This way, they’ll be reassured by the fact of someone older helping you rule, someone who can be a public face” she added, looking directly at Titus.

It was Lexa’s turn to snort.

“Someone older to help me rule”, Lexa repeated, “I don’t need someone like this. I am Heda, CEO of the twelve companies. And I did just fine on my own. Look for yourself”.

Lexa threw a bunch of papers over to Nia White, who eyed them suspiciously. Those papers were the numbers of Coalition Corp., their benefits and their losses. And those numbers were good. Nia White almost choked, because they were more than good. They were excellent. Lexa had managed to make the companies grow, and in fact, each one of the twelve had double their benefits since Lexa was in charge.

Nia put the papers back, thinking hard. She wouldn’t be able to convince the board Lexa was incompetent now, not with those numbers. And Nia had looked at the numbers very well; Azgeda Company was the last on the list; if Lexa had to end a company right now, Azgeda would be her target.

“What do you say, Nia?” Titus asked, “Does Lexa really need to work with you when your company is the worst of them all?”

Murphy was waiting for the woman’s reaction. Nia White had her eyes squinted, probably searching for her next move.

“I have to admit, the results are better I thought they would be”, Nia admitted but not with that smirk still painted on her face, “but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re young. Young people are lucky first, and then, they make mistakes”.

Nia got up, heading towards the door.

“Trust me _Heda_ , you will need me. And when that day will come, it will already be too late”.

Without any more words, Nia White disappeared in the corridors, getting out of the building. Finally alone, Murphy noticed how Lexa’s face suddenly dropped from exhaustion.

“She will be trouble, Heda” Titus said.

“Yes, she will” Lexa said, “but let her come. I’ll handle her”.

Titus seemed to want to add something but did not when Lexa got up to go to her office. Titus sighed, and followed Lexa, himself followed by Murphy. Titus asked for John’s notes, and sighed when he read them. _It wasn’t that bad_ , Murphy thought.

“Go, you are dismissed for the day” Titus said.

Murphy hesitated to protest, after all he was there to learn, but after Titus shot him a death glare, Murphy understood and disappeared in the stairs.

* * *

 Titus entered the office seconds after Lexa.

“Who was this guy following you today, an apprentice?” Lexa asked.

“John Murphy. An arrogant person, he works at Floukru. His boss thinks he has a lot of things to learn from me, and it is in my contract to take an apprentice. His boss thinks he has what it takes to help a leader lead well” Titus said while sighing.

Lexa hummed, internally smiling. She knew Titus probably hated this; he had always worked alone, and he sure wasn’t ready to share his work. After all Lexa was his biggest success; of all the CEO he had trained, this one was THE one, and he was her advisor and teacher. Of course Lexa already had all those things it took to lead twelve companies, but still, Titus liked to say a part of the woman she was, was thanks to him.

To Lexa, he had been a real shoulder to lean on when she had to learn everything in a few months to rule directly after her predecessor. Lexa hadn’t been ready for this, but Titus had made her be. Lexa knew she owed a lot of things to him, but as she was growing and getting wiser, she was beginning to see the man under the teacher; Titus was just a man, not better than her. He didn’t know everything, nor did Lexa; and Lexa was the one in charge. The choices were her choices, and she had learned that sometimes she had to trust herself more rather than trust Titus.

“What else do I have to look at Today Titus?” Lexa asked, because she was very aware Clarke and Ayden were theoretically at home waiting for her, and she wanted to be back as soon as possible.

Titus sighed because he knew something was up with Lexa these days, but he knew better than to ask, and gave Lexa the papers she had to take a look at.

* * *

 The sun was going down, and Bellamy was pacing in his apartment. He had promised Lincoln he wouldn’t look for Clarke, but he had done it. He had called one of his friends at the police station, had made some researches on the police records, and after half a day, he had found Lexa Woods’ address.

The paper in his hands, Bellamy was still thinking about what to do. Clarke couldn’t be in the right state of mind to decide anything; she was living with a perfect stranger after all. Bellamy knew Clarke well, and nothing was more important to her than protecting the people she cared about; maybe now, it was their turn, his turn, to protect Clarke and her son. Bellamy couldn’t bear the thought of Clarke being scared, crying alone in a stranger bed, and he knew he had to do something to help her and rescue her.

His decision was made and he took his coat, searched for his keys and was ready to head outside when Raven and Monty made their way into the apartment. Raven frowned when she noticed Bellamy was dressed, and most of all she noticed the weird look he had on his face.

“Bellamy? What are you doing?” she asked while Monty was closing the door behind them.

“Nothing” he tried to shrug.

Monty frowned too. “What’s that thing you’re holding?”

As Bellamy was taking too long to answer, Raven quickly moved and took the piece of paper from his hands.

“Tell me this is not what I think this is, Bellamy” Raven asked. She had read the paper, and she had read the address on it. Raven was too smart not to guess whose address it was.

“What do you want me to say?” Bellamy said, raising his arms on the air.

“Tell me this is not Lexa Woods’ address! You promised you wouldn’t try to reach out to Blondie before she did, we all promised!” Raven said, angry at Bellamy because she should have known he would still try to do something.

“And so what? We give up?” Bellamy raised his voice.

“Bellamy, this isn’t the way”, Monty tried to reason him, but it only made Bellamy be angrier.

“We can’t lose Clarke”, he screamed, “We can’t lose her!”

“And we won’t” Raven then said, putting a hand on his shoulder, “but we need to do things her way”.

Bellamy then weakly nodded, sitting on the couch and taking his head on his hands.

“Listen Bellamy, we need to trust her. She surely needs to figure some things out on her own” Raven explained, “and we can’t burst in her life like this. She has to be the one making the first move”.

Monty nodded at Raven’s words, “She saw Lincoln. She knows we are here. She’ll be back soon”.

Bellamy nodded again. He knew they shouldn’t try to reach out for her, but Clarke, she really was the heart of the group. They were always trying to persuade themselves she was not, but at the end, they would always need her. Without her, something was off; himself was feeling half-alive when she was not around. He wasn’t in love with her, neither was he attracted to her, nah it wasn’t about this. But Clarke was his best friend; she had been here since day one, and even if he was always trying to forget it, she had been a much better leader than him and he had always been looking up to her.

Raven sighed while taking a seat on the couch. Bellamy wasn’t a bad guy really, but sometimes he was letting his emotions rule him, and he could be a real pain in the ass.

But Raven needed Clarke too, as everyone else did; and she was wondering when she would reach out to them.

 _Don’t take too long Clarke_ , Raven thought.


	22. Working On Happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had time today, so here is a new chapter! I hope you'll enjoy it ;)
> 
> PS: Do listen to the song I put in the beginning of the chapter, and just picture in your head what's happening, it fits perfectly ;)

_Song : You Know It by Colony House_

 

Lexa turned her key in the door’s lock, her heart pumping a bit quickly in her chest. She couldn’t hear any sound; were Clarke and Ayden gone? Clarke had nodded though, this morning, when Lexa had told her she needed to go to work for the day and when Lexa had asked Clarke to stay and wait for her.

She opened the door, and a big smile printed instantly on her face when she noticed Clarke and Ayden tickling each other on the couch, laughing.

“Hello there!” Lexa shouted to make her presence known.

“Yexa you’re home!” Ayden shrieked when he saw Lexa, jumping out of the couch and racing towards her, hitting her legs full force.

“Hey buddy, how was your day?” Lexa said laughing, picking the boy in his arms.

As Ayden was beginning to tell his day to Lexa, Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her so happy son in the arms of the brunette she was feeling so safe with. Those two had a real connection, Clarke knew that, and she could see in Lexa’s eyes all the love she already had for Ayden.

Ayden was still rambling about his day, and Lexa smiled to Clarke when she noticed she was watching them. Clarke smiled back to Lexa, and the brunette’s heart melted.

She nodded to the boy, making him believe she was listening to what he was saying, when she was only focused on Clarke.

“Ok, who’s hungry?” Lexa asked to Ayden, still talking and talking.

He stopped talking then, and threw his arms in the air, making Lexa almost drop him. “Me me!! I want tacoooooooos!”

Lexa laughed, and even Clarke did too. Lexa hadn’t been that happy for a long time, and it was all because of those two. They all went into the kitchen, and Clarke helped Lexa with dinner, while Ayden was telling jokes and laughing for nothing.

“Ok guys, ten minutes before dinner’s ready, what do we do until then?” Lexa asked while everything was in the micro-waver.

Suddenly, Lexa’s phone rang, and Ayden started to dance in a funny way on the music, jumping a little on his feet, waving his arms in the air like he was doing some serious moves.

_Take that picture from that frame_  
_I put it in my pocket so that every day you're with me_  
_I keep you close to my heart_  
_Give me one more kiss before the boys arrive_  
_Nashville to San Francisco is a hell of a drive_  
_But don't worry, the Lord is good when the road is wrong_

Clarke and Lexa busted in laughs watching Ayden dancing excitedly, and Lexa refused the call, putting the same music instead, beginning to dance with Ayden. She took his hands and the both of them were dancing in the kitchen, spinning and jumping around each other.

_And we'll be back before you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_I said you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_Woo_

“Come on Ayden, move!” Lexa said, laughing while jumping like the kid. The two of them were moving like crazy, both laughing and shouting happy cries in the apartment.

_All the pretty people and the places I've seen_  
_Make up for every dollar cause I'm living the dream_  
_I ain't worried, I'll be fine_  
_Because the tank ain't empty but it's feeling low_  
_I'm sorry San Francisco but I just got to go home_  
_To my baby, because she's holding it down_

Lexa then noticed Clarke was staying behind, only watching them, and that was wrong; nobody could escape a dance party. She approached Clarke, still jumping and swinging, took both of her hands, and brought her in the middle of the kitchen to dance with them. Clarke frowned first, trying to escape, but Lexa held her hands without letting her go, and began to spin her around, making the blonde dance with her, and soon, Clarke was jumping as high as the other two with a big smile on her face.

_But we'll be back before you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_I said you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_

“Yeah Mommy!” Ayden laughed at his mother dancing wild with Lexa, spinning around each other.

_But when the days grow long she's alright, hey_  
_Every night I know that she's still mine_  
_But don't you break my heart_  
_You're the only guarantee I've got_  
_Hold on a little longer I'll be back right to you_  
_You know it, you know it, you know it, you know it_

And as Clarke was dancing, all of her troubles were going away; there were only her, Lexa and Ayden, dancing in the kitchen. This was the life she wanted, she decided. _My life is going to be like this, dance parties and Ayden smiling from ear to ear,_ the blonde thought. She wanted Lexa in her life. She wanted that brunette moving her body like a God, spreading joy and good mood all around her. And she wanted nothing else than to capture that joy and put it in herself.

_But we'll be back before you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_I said you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_Hey_

The song handed, and they all fell on the ground, completely spend.

“Pfiou, I’m exhausted now!” Ayden said, making everyone laugh again.

* * *

 They had eaten all together in the living-room while watching some Disney film. Lexa had let Ayden choose, but secretly she was very glad Ayden had chosen Hercules. Disney films were her favourites; nothing better than this. Ayden hadn’t taken long to fall asleep, and Lexa had carried him to her bedroom – Clarke’s now - because Clarke’s body was still bad injured and her bruises were still sore; she couldn’t carry him, much to her despair, even if she hadn’t say it.

Lexa came back from the bedroom, bringing the ointment for Clarke’s bruises.

“I hate that thing” Clarke murmured, not without tiny smiles on her face making Lexa understand she wasn’t too upset about it.

Lexa smiled back, and didn’t have to ask Clarke to remove her shirt, because the blonde did it herself without a second thought.

Lexa positioned herself behind Clarke, slowly applying the ointment on her back’s bruises. Lexa hadn’t seen them first, but she figured Clarke must have had those when she fell on the floor after Finn had hit her.

Clarke’s phone made a noise on the coffee table, and Clarke froze.

“Clarke? Is everything ok?” Lexa gently asked.

“I turned my phone on”, Clarke whispered.

“Ok”, Lexa said, because she didn’t know how it could scare the girl. Phones were usually on, right?

Clarke smiled, because she knew Lexa couldn’t understand. “Me and my friends, we have a secret app”, she explained.

She tried to reach for her phone, but before she could even clench her teeth in pain, Lexa had already picked it for her.

“Look” Clarke said while showing the screen to Lexa, “we have an app where we can all talk together, and this app can also give our locations to each other”.

Lexa nodded, but was impressed; those kinds of things were often used in secret organisations, and she knew Indra had something like that for her warriors if something would ever happen to them. So Lexa had another thousand questions; why Clarke and her friends needed this app in the first place? She decided Clarke would tell her when she would be ready, and asked another question instead, while applying the ointment.  

“Who are your friends, Clarke?” Of course Lexa wanted to ask why Clarke apparently did not trust them enough to let them help her.

“I’m sorry I lied about them” Clarke murmured instead, lowering her head.

“Hey, don’t apologize”, Lexa said, “But you could give me an explanation. If you are ok with it.”

“I do have some friends” Clarke said, still whispering a little.

“Are they the family Ayden is talking about? The reason he called Lincoln Uncle?” Lexa asked.

“Lincoln is not really his uncle, not by blood” Clarke sighed. She knew she had to tell Lexa all about it now. “Lincoln is a friend of mine. His girlfriend, Octavia, is one of my best friends since high school” Clarke started.

Lexa flinched at the name of Octavia. She had heard all about this girl’s story. “Octavia, the one in Indra’s secret team” Lexa said.

Clarke froze again, probably surprised Lexa knew about this.

“It’s ok Clarke, you know that as Coalition Corp.’s CEO, I created that unit right? That’s why I’m aware this unit exists”, Lexa explained, noticing how Clarke relaxed a little, “and I was in Lincoln’s cab a few times, he told me about her. That’s how I know him, and how I know about Octavia being his girlfriend”.

Clarke nodded, and Lexa made her turn around so she could apply the ointment on her torso’s bruises.

“Octavia’s brother is part of the group too. He works at the police station, he’s a cop” Clarke said, searching in her phone for pictures. “This is Bellamy”.

Lexa nodded; he was very alike his sister; same black hair, same body posture.

“Then there’s Raven, the brunette here”, Clarke showed Lexa. Lexa noticed the brace on Raven’s leg, but didn’t say a thing about it, “Raven is Finn’s ex-girlfriend” Clarke told her.

Lexa clenched her teeth at the mention of Finn’s name.

“Then, Monty and Harper, Jasper and Maya, Emori, Murphy...” Clarke said, and Lexa recognised the last name.

“Wait, did you say Murphy? As John Murphy?” Lexa interrupted her.

“Hum, yeah...? You know him?” Clarke raised a brow.

“Yes I do actually, he was pissing Titus off this morning!” Lexa explained, not understanding why this guy was even friend with Clarke. This guy was quite arrogant; she had to agree with Titus on that. “Oh, Titus is my advisor at work” Lexa said when she noticed the interrogating look on the Blonde’s face.

“How small is the world, right?” Clarke sighed. Lexa nodded, waiting to see if Clarke was going to continue speaking or not.

She didn’t want to rush her; Clarke only speaking to her was a miracle, and she had even danced with her a few hours ago, and Lexa didn’t want to push the girl too far. They were making great progress, and she didn’t want to make her go back behind her walls. But to her surprise, Clarke kept on speaking.

“We are all friends from High School, and we had –we still have- a creepy life. We all basically lost contact with our parents; they are either dead or ashamed of us or not caring about us. We are each other’s worlds now. No one else but us” Clarke said with a sad smile.

Lexa didn’t understand. If Clarke had such friends, why had she been on the streets in the first place? They surely would have helped her, wouldn’t have they?

Clarke noticed the frown on Lexa’s face, and understood her silent questions.

“Where we live, it’s....” she sighed, “our lives are not safe for Ayden, and I... I didn’t want him to be surrounded by all this violence”.

Lexa nodded; she could understand Clarke’s point, but still. Nothing could be more dangerous than being homeless, could it be?

* * *

 Clarke suddenly jolted, escaping the phone when it buzzed.

“What is it?” Lexa asked, worried.

“Hum, I... They are talking to me” Clarke murmured, barely managing to look at the phone.

Lexa then took Clarke’s phone out of the couch, putting it on the coffee table. She grabbed Clarke’s shirt so the blonde could dress up, and put both her hands on Clarke’s forearms. Immediately, Clarke’s fists found their ways to Lexa’s shirt, clinging to it.

“If you’re not comfortable to talk to them yet, it’s ok” Lexa whispered to calm the girl down, “there is no rush. I’ll be there, no matter what you decide”.

Clarke’s eyes were watering a little, because Lexa had guessed what was bothering her. Clarke had thought she needed to reach out to her friends because soon, Lexa was going to kick her out. But now that Lexa had reassured her, she wasn’t that scared anymore.

“Can you stay with me?” Clarke asked in a murmur, and if Lexa hadn’t been paying a careful attention to the girl, she would have missed the question.

“Yes, of course” Lexa gently smiled.

Clarke then nodded, and Lexa brought the phone back to Clarke while making herself comfortable on the couch next to the blonde. Lexa took a blanket from underneath the couch to keep them warm, and to Lexa’s surprise, Clarke snuggled close to her, leaning her head on Lexa’s shoulder.

“Ok...” Clarke said, more for herself than for Lexa.

Lexa squeezed Clarke’s knee to give her courage, and Clarke opened the app, putting the phone between the two of them so Lexa could see the conversation too.

**Lincoln: Clarke, you have turned the app on again**

**Lincoln: Thank you. :)**

Clarke smiled a little, because Lincoln was the sweetest guy ever. With him, you could never feel anything else than at ease.

**Monty: Hey there Princess, hope you’re ok!**

**Harper: Glad to hear from you Clarke**

**Jasper: yes Blondie is back in the game!**

**Raven: thanks God Clarkey you’re alive!**

**Bellamy: Hi Clarke, are you ready to come home with us? Can I come and pick you up?**

Lexa snorted at Bellamy’s text. She didn’t know him, but she could guess he was probably only waiting for Clarke to be there with him. Lexa noticed how Clarke sighed, too.

**Raven: Bellamy watch out what you’re saying. If she turns off the app because of you I’ll kill you with a piece of my brace.**

Clarke laughed at Raven’s comment, and so did Lexa.

“What are you going to say to them?” Lexa gently asked, seeing Clarke hadn’t made a move to write something.

“I don’t know” Clarke murmured, “I don’t know where to start”.

Lexa thought about it for a moment. “Maybe you could tell them you and Ayden are ok, so they don’t worry too much?”

Clarke nodded.

**Clarke: Hey guys**

**Clarke: I’m sorry for scaring you off**

**Clarke: But Ayden and I are fine, and we will be back soon**

**Clarke: But I just need a little time on my own, to think about everything**

Clarke turned herself towards Lexa to see if her texts was good enough, and Lexa nodded in confirmation.

**Maya: I’m happy you’re ok Clarke, take all the time you need for yourself and little Ayden!**

**Lincoln: Take care Clarke, and maybe we could come and visit you someday? Just to talk for an hour or so**

Clarke bit her lips. She wanted to see them, at least she was really missing Raven and Octavia, but she didn’t know if she was ready to handle them yet.

“You could tell them to come two by two?” Lexa suggested, “At a time where I’m home so I can make sure everything is doing fine?”

Clarke nodded. “Yeah, I would like that”, she whispered, and tipped on her phone.

**Clarke: why not**

**Clarke: But only two by two, when Lexa would be home**

**Lincoln: that would be perfect Clarke :)**

**Raven: Works for me!**

**Bellamy: Why does Lexa need to be there?**

**Jasper: Maybe because it’s her house, duh**

**Raven: Bellamy I swear to God, you’ll be the last to see her**

**Bellamy: fine I’ll keep my mouth shut.**

**Raven: hallelujah!**

**Harper: just tell us what is arranging you Clarke, and we’ll deal with it! See you!**

**Clarke: See you guys**

Clarke sighed, and put her phone back, closing her eyes.

“Is everything ok?” Lexa gently asked, beginning to draw circles on Clarke’s forearm.

“I think, yes” Clarke murmured. Lexa nodded, closing her eyes too.

Lexa was feeling Clarke growing heavier on her shoulder: she was falling asleep. Lexa sighed contently, bringing the sleepy Clarke closer to her chest. Today had been a really good day. Lexa smiled when she thought about the dance party the three of them had had, because it really had been a piece of pure happiness. Then, Clarke had opened herself to Lexa and really talked to her, sharing a real conversation; a thing the girls never had had since the day Lexa had found Clarke dead sick under the snow. Lexa was happy for Clarke, too; she could see how much Clarke’s friends meant to her, and having to keep them away was probably hard for Clarke, and she was glad the blonde had talked to them too, even if it just had been a few texts. Lexa drifted to sleep, a happy smile on her lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think about the dance party? I didn't meant to write it first, but I heard that song on the radio earlier, and I knew I had to write what I was picturing in my head ;)


	23. Carry The Blame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter! Some questions will be answered here! and don't think that because I don't immediately talk about something or explain something, it will come later! ;) you'll see what I'm talking about;)
> 
> Thanks for the lots of reviews, I love all of them, enjoy the new chapter!

_Song : Earth by Sleeping At Last_

 

Tuesday morning. Lexa jolted awake when her phone buzzed somewhere in the loft. She sighed, and tried to get off the couch without waking up Clarke who was still sleeping in her arms. She searched for her phone on the kitchen table, where she had left it yesterday after the dance party. Lexa chuckled, thinking about it, and watched the screen of her phone. She had six missed calls from Anya.

“Shit” Lexa cursed, tipping Anya’s number.

Her cousin picked up immediately, much to Lexa’s worry.

_“Why the fuck haven’t you picked up your phone the first thousand times I called you?”_ Anya shouted into the phone.

“I’m sorry Anya, I didn’t have it on me” Lexa explained, and she could almost see Anya rolling her eyes.

_“You always have your phone on you, what were you doing?”_

“Anya it’s six am right now, I was sleeping!” Lexa said, starting to be annoyed by her cousin because she was feeling it was not that important, “so are you dying?”

_“What? No!”_

“Did you kill someone?” Lexa asked again.

_“No I did not, why are you...”_

“So why are you calling me this early, Anya?” Lexa snapped at her cousin, angry at her to awake her for nothing.

_“I met a girl”_ Anya said, and Lexa could hear the stress in her voice.

“hum ok Anya” Lexa raised a brow.

_“Yeah, I mean, she’s intriguing, she has a beautiful laugh, and I don’t know and...”_

“Anya what’s the problem?” Lexa asked, not understanding a single thing.

_“She texted me! I spilled hot chocolate on her the other day and she texted me!”_

Lexa frowned, because nothing was making sense. “Listen Anya, I have to get ready for work, and I still have to take care of Ayden and Clarke before I go. Meet me in my office?”

_“Your office, yeah, ok, I’ll see you there”_ Anya said, hanging up.

Lexa put her phone back on the kitchen table, gently massaging her temples. Anya was usually a self-confident person, why did she sound so stressed and panicked and unsure over the phone?

But Lexa didn’t have time to think more about it, because suddenly Clarke was screaming into the loft.

The brunette rushed to her side in a second; Clarke was completely untangled into the blanket, fighting against herself, still asleep. Lexa gently rested her hands on Clarke’s cheeks to wake her up and help her focus on reality.

“Clarke, wake up, it’s me, you’re having a bad dream” Lexa said.

But Clarke jumped when Lexa touched her, trying to get rid of her hands. Lexa then shook her more willingly.

“Finn let me go!” Clarke shouted, punching Lexa in the face who winced in pain but did not let go of Clarke.

“It’s ok, it’s Lexa” Lexa repeated. Seeing it had no impact on the blonde, Lexa put both her arms around her.

“Feel me Clarke, I’m not him, you’re ok, you’re safe with me now” she said, whispering in Clarke’s ear.

Clarke suddenly jolted awake, gripping Lexa’s arms hard, her eyes seeing everything and yet nothing at all.

“Lexa!” she screamed again, “Lexa where are you?”

“I’m here, I’m right here” the brunette answered, pulling Clarke a little closer without crushing her.

A sob escaped from the blonde’s chest, reassured to be safe and with Lexa.

“I’m sorry....” she managed to say, trying to get her emotions back under control.

“It’s ok”, Lexa cut her apology off, “everything is ok, and you’re safe”.

Clarke nodded against Lexa’s chest, letting herself be held while she was regaining her composure.

“I’m sorry” Clarke repeated after a while.

“I’m the one to be sorry”, Lexa said while Clarke was looking at her with interrogating eyes, “you don’t deserve all this”, Lexa whispered.

Tears began to fall from Clarke’s eyes. “Maybe I do...” She murmured, trying to shush her cries.

Lexa’s heart broke, and she properly got on the couch, tugging Clarke on her and burying her in her strong and protective arms. “Clarke, listen to me. You’re a good person. You’re a good mother. I don’t know what you went through, but you can’t blame yourself every time something bad happen. Accidents happen. People die”, Lexa said, thinking of the ones she had lost, “people change, and not always for the better. Life is life, and you can’t be held responsible for everything”.

Clarke weakly nodded in Lexa’s neck while putting her arms around Lexa’s torso. Lexa passed her hand under Clarke’s shirt, and the girl didn’t shiver. She began to draw circles on her back to calm her down, and soon Clarke wasn’t crying anymore.

“I know we still have a thousand things to talk about” Lexa spoke again, “but first, you have to stop blaming yourself. Not everything is you fault. You’re a human being. You’re not perfect, Clarke, nobody is. You can make mistakes, as I do. But don’t let those mistakes drag you down. Learn from them. Get up stronger”.

Clarke nodded more frankly this time.

“I have to go to work in a while” Lexa said without removing her hand from under Clarke’s shirt, “will you be ok?”

“Yes” Clarke murmured.

Sincerely, she was calmed down, thanks to Lexa, and she could handle being on her own in Lexa’s loft during the day. During the night, it was another story.

“I will be back at four in the afternoon max. Maybe you would like to tell a friend or two to come visit you?” Lexa suggested, attentively observing Clarke’s face to see her reaction.

But Clarke just nodded. “Ok. Maybe Lincoln and Octavia. Or Raven, if Octavia is on mission”.

“Ok then” Lexa murmured.

The both of them sighed as they stayed in each other’s arms a while longer. But then Ayden was watching them from a few feet away, his bottom lip shaking. He had heard his Mommy’s screams, and he had been afraid Finn had been back. But he had heard Lexa’s voice too, which had reassured him; Lexa would never have allowed Finn to be here, he knew that.

“Mommy?” he asked, because he had seen her Mommy’s red eyes and figured she had cried.

“Come on honey” Clarke said, opening her arms so he could snuggle between Lexa and her.

Ayden didn’t need to be told twice, and jumped between the two women, taking a piece of each shirt in his fists.

“I’m ok Ayden” Clarke whispered, “Just a bad dream, but Lexa made it go away”.

“She did?” Ayden said, his eyes widening.

“Yeah, she did” Clarke nodded.

Lexa silently watched the exchange between the two of them, and she couldn’t help but fall more in love with the scared humans she had in her arms. _They are my humans_ , Lexa decided, _my scared and broken favourite persons in the whole world, and I’ll protect them._

* * *

 

Anya was pacing into Lexa’s office, waiting for her. Late last night, she had received a text from the gorgeous woman with a brace she had run into twice, and Anya didn’t have replied yet. Why the fuck was she even nervous? Woods were never nervous about anything.

Finally, Lexa was walking into her office, a light smile on her face.

“Hey, Anya, how are you?” The brunette said while removing her coat.

“Fine but why is there an annoying smile written all over your face?” Anya huffed.

“I see you’re having a good day” Lexa mocked, a bit surprised about her cousin’s reaction, “I talked to Clarke yesterday. And this morning. I think we are making progress” The brunette explained.

“So shy girl does speak!”

“Her name is Clarke, Anya” Lexa said with a firm voice.

“Yeah whatever” Anya said, waving Lexa off with her hand.

“What’s the matter with you anyways?” Lexa finally asked her cousin.

Anya dropped herself on the couch in the corner of Lexa’s office.

“I seriously don’t know” Anya huffed again.

Lexa raised her brow; what was going on with her cousin? She hadn’t seen her like this for a long time, all emotional. She took a sit next to Anya, encouraging her to explain more.

“I ran into this girl the other day, I spilled coffee on her, and then she had a meeting so I lent her a top of mine, and I gave her my number so I could pay for the one I had spilled coffee on, but then she ran into me at Trikru and she spilled my coffee on me, so we laughed a little and I love her laugh and then Lincoln was waiting for her outside and...” Anya rambled before Lexa could finally cut her off.

“Wait, what? That’s how you knew Lincoln, right?” Lexa asked, remembering about her own confusion when Lincoln had come into her loft and found out Clarke was here, and how Anya seemed to know him.

“What? No, Lincoln is a friend of mine, from before you came to live with us” Anya said frowning, because she was confused too, “How do you know him anyways?”

“He is my taxi driver!” Lexa said.

“This is so fucked up” Anya sighed, leaning on the couch.

Lexa hummed, totally agree with her cousin. “So, what about that girl then?” She asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it” Anya said.

“Anya, you were rambling about her five minutes ago” Lexa raised her brow.

“I don’t know what to say! Yesterday she texted me, asking if we could meet, and I didn’t text back” The older cousin sighed again.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know why, Lexa! I just... I don’t know”.

“Do you like her?” Lexa then asked.

“Yeah, I think I do… She’s funny” Anya said, a tiny smile rising on her face.

Lexa got up, because she had seen Titus coming towards her office. “So go for it! What do you have to lose anyways?”

“Yeah, you’re right” Anya said getting up too, “and since we are at it, go for it with Clarke too! Same question, what do you have to lose?”

Lexa sighed, “Everything”, because it was true. Right now, she already had a lot of things to lose if Clarke and Ayden were to disappear from her life.

Anya didn’t have time to ask more questions about what her cousin meant, because Titus was coming into the office.

“Good Morning Heda, the ambassadors are waiting for you in the meeting room.” Titus announced, eyeing Anya who was Trikru’s ambassador and yet not waiting for Lexa in the conference room like everybody else.

It had been a coincidence really, for Anya and Lexa to work together. Before coming to Polis, the both of them had lived in France while Anya’s parents had still been alive, for Lexa to not leave the country she knew after her parents’ death. Then, Anya’s parents had died, and she had seen her boss offering her a job overseas, here back in Polis where she first lived before Lexa came into the family, and because they were on their own and France was too painful for Lexa, they had moved here.

A week after, Lexa had saved an old man’s life, and a few years later, this man had died leaving his whole fortune and company to Lexa who was almost still a child. She had become Anya’s boss, but Anya hadn’t minded. Lexa was meant to be CEO. It was written in her blood, and she was doing an amazing job. Of course, Titus had disagreed with making Anya Trikru’s ambassador first, because she was sharing blood with Lexa, and it could be a great distraction. But Lexa had managed to convince him otherwise.

Titus got out of the office, quickly followed by Anya and Lexa. The ambassadors from the eleven other companies rose in front of Lexa, and they started the meeting.

* * *

 

It was 3.30 pm, and Raven was getting ready. Today, Clarke had said Lincoln and her could visit the blonde at Lexa’s place, and for some reasons, Raven was getting nervous.

“Calm down, it’s just Clarke” Raven muttered to herself.

It shouldn’t be a big deal, because Clarke and her had been friends for so long now, but Raven was still apprehending meeting her. Lincoln had said she had been hurt baldy; what does that even mean? Raven knew there was more to her stress than that; she was feeling responsible for what had happened and she was blaming herself. After all, she was the one to know Finn the better, and she was face-palming herself everyday for not seeing Finn was turning crazy. Of course she had seen him changing, but she had closed her eyes, believing he just needed some time, and now she was regretting her decision not to watch him more carefully. Maybe if she had not been this blind, maybe she could had seen something was off about Finn, maybe she could have seen Clarke was building walls around her.

“Rae you’re ready?” Lincoln asked, interrupting her thoughts.

“Yeah” she sighed, and Lincoln didn’t try to help her get down the stairs. Raven had troubles with the stairs and her brace and her stupid stupid fucked up leg, but what she hated even more was people rushing to help her like she was disabled. Well, she was, but she wanted to be able to handle herself on her own. Of course, she knew well that if she needed help, Lincoln would gladly give that to her, but he had never tried to help her if she hadn’t asked for help in the first place. Raven was thankful for that, and seeing him like this was making her miss Clarke even more; because Clarke was always acting the same way.

They got into the car, and headed towards Lexa Woods’ place.

“Octavia is so going to kill us when she will learn we went to Woods’ place without her” Raven joked.

“Yeah, we are going to hear about this for the next ten years” Lincoln sighed with a smile on his face.

Raven smiled back; she knew it was true. After all, Octavia and her were adulating Lexa Woods, ‘cause this girl had everything. And now, Raven was going to enter her home! Of course Raven knew Octavia should have been there with Lincoln instead of her, but since she was on mission, the group didn’t even know if Octavia knew Clarke had been found, because she hadn’t reply on the app.

Lincoln parked half an hour later in front of a tiny building. “This is the place”, he said, removing his belt.

But Raven didn’t move. “Rae, is everything ok?”

“What if she doesn’t want to see us? What if she doesn’t care about us anymore?” Raven asked in a tiny voice. Raven had never been sentimental or anything, but Clarke was her best friend. Clarke had been there, all the way. Clarke had supported her when she had been in the hardest place, and she couldn’t handle being rejected by her.

“Rae she asked for us to come” Lincoln said, smiling to Raven, “she wants to see us, and I think she needs it too. And you know Clarke. She will never stop caring about us. And if Clarke was dead, she would still annoy everyone up there to be able to help us down here”.

Raven chuckled, because she knew it was true. “OK. Let’s go see our friend”.

Lincoln nodded, and they got to Lexa’s front door.

* * *

 

In the loft, Lexa had come home from work early, and with Anya. Lexa had been happy to hear that Clarke and Ayden had been ok since the morning, and was glad they were still there. Clarke had even taken care of herself; her hair was clean and into a French braid. Lexa had noticed she had also used the washing machine to wash some clothes, because Ayden was back into his iron man shirt and pants which suited him, unlike Lexa’s sports short he had been wearing the whole time he had been here. Clarke was back in her own clothes too, and damn she was pretty like this. She was even wearing a smile when Lexa came back, and Lexa instantly had one on her face too.

Ayden had been happy Anya was back, and after hugging Lexa and following her everywhere the first ten minutes she had been back, he finally let her go to go play with Anya.

“Hey, Lexa” Clarke said, a shy smile on her face.

“Hey”, Lexa smiled back, “did you have a good day?” she asked. She didn’t ask if the blonde was ok, because Clarke surely didn’t want her to constantly ask that question.

“Yes. I, hum...” Clarke said, pausing a little to gain assurance, “I asked for Lincoln and Raven to come, you know, my friends, I hope you don’t...”

“Lincoln the taxi driver and Raven the brunette one”, Lexa nodded, “I’m sure they are great”.

Clarke weakly smiled, because she didn’t know; well, she knew her friends were great, but she wasn’t that sure about meeting them again. What if they didn’t understand? What if they tried to take her to Arcadia? She wasn’t ready. She was barely ready enough to stay with Lexa and accept help...

Of course Lexa must have noticed Clarke’s nervousness, because she got closer to the blonde, and carefully put her hand on her shoulder.

“You’ve got this Clarke” Lexa gently said. Clarke nodded, and the door bell rang.

Clarke froze, and crushed Lexa’s arm. “Clarke, remember to breathe, ok?” Lexa said, slowly freeing her arm to go open the door.

Clarke offered the tiniest nod, and put her hands in her pockets instead while Lexa was heading to the door.

“Hello Lexa” smiled Lincoln once Lexa had the door open.

“Hi Lincoln” she smiled back, “and you must be Raven!”

Raven was open-mouthed. Lexa Woods knew her name. What was going on right now?!

“Close your mouth Rae, or you’re gonna catch flies...” said a voice from behind Lexa.

Clarke appeared, tugging at the bottom of her shirt.

“Clarke...” Raven whispered.

Lexa stepped back to let Lincoln and Raven enter the apartment, and Raven carefully approached the blonde.

“Hi, Raven” Clarke said shyly, a small smile on her face.

“Can I hug you?” Raven murmured. She really wanted to hug her, because now that she has Clarke in front of her eyes, she understood how much she had missed the girl.

Clarke didn’t answer, but slowly opened her arms so Raven could hug her. The girl almost fell into the blonde’s arms and hugged her tightly, but with care; Lincoln had warned her Clarke could b triggered by touch.

“You’ll be proud of me; while you’ve been gone, I didn’t blow your place up” Raven said, releasing her embrace.

Clarke laughed at her dumb friend, so did Raven. “I’m happy to see you too, Raven” Clarke smiled.

Raven smiled back, and a running Ayden came into the living-room, crashing into Lincoln’s legs.

“Uncle Yincoln!” he shrieked, “And Aunty Rae is there too! Awesooooome!” The boy exulted, jumping in excitement.

Of course Anya had to come into the living-room too, following the boy who had run off the room they were playing in.

“Ayden don’t run you’ll...Raven” Anya said, her eyes’ widening when she noticed the girl’s presence.

Raven’s face did the same. “Anya?”

Once again, Lexa was left to stare at the two of them with a shocked expression; but this time, Clarke was kind of shocked too. She didn’t know Anya well, but enough to know those two didn’t share the same world, and if Raven had been friend with a Woods, everyone would have known about it.

“Hum yeah, we ran into each other the other day...” Raven tried to explain. Why was Anya at Lexa’s? Was she her girlfriend or anything? Because Raven was pretty sure Anya had flirt with her, they had even texted each other today, so if she already had a girlfriend, why would she flirt with Raven? That wasn’t making any sense.

Lexa too was confused, because every stranger who was coming through this door was somehow related to a person she knew. But Lexa was smart, and she didn’t need an hour to figured out Raven was the girl Anya had talked about earlier in the day.

“Anya, is she the girl you...” Lexa began, only to be cut off by Anya abruptly.

“Yes”. Anya didn’t want everyone to know what they had talked about, did she?

Those kinds of situations were too frequent, these days.

“I should have known you knew Clarke” Anya then said, trying to regain her composure, “when I saw you with Lincoln the other day”.

“Yeah, and what are you doing in Lexa Woods’ home?” Raven asked then grimaced, “too direct?”

“Anya is my older cousin” Lexa answered, “She’s a Woods too”.

Raven’s eyes widened, and looked at Clarke, who had a big smile on her face; the blonde knew all too well what was happening into Raven’s head.

“You could have told me there were two hot Woods on the planet” Raven whispered to Clarke when the others were busy speaking.

Clarke chuckled. “I’m sorry, I don’t know Anya that much”.

Raven then laughed too, “don’t worry Princess, I didn’t need your help to meet her anyways”. Clarke laughed at Raven’s comment, and then noticed the package Raven was holding.

“Rae what’s this?” she asked.

“Oh, I almost forget, this is for Ayden!” the brunette exclaimed, calling Ayden and giving him the present.

The boy didn’t take long to open it, and his mouth curved into a o shape when he saw what was inside.

“Mommy look it’s a Spiderman suit! It’s awesome! Rae you’re the best!” the kid jumped at Raven’s neck to kiss her on both cheeks.

All grown-ups laughed, and Lincoln helped Ayden remove his shirt so he could put the suit instead. But Raven then noticed something she hadn’t seen before; Ayden’s back had a huge scar, almost as big as him. Lincoln had noticed too, and frowned. He didn’t say anything in front of the kid though, and once he was dressed, Lexa suggested Anya and him to go into the other room to play. Raven went with them, under three amused stares.

* * *

 

Once Lexa Clarke and Lincoln were alone, Lincoln finally asked his question.

“Clarke, what happened to Ayden’s back?”

At those words, Lexa froze, because she already knew the answer and was waiting for Clarke’s reaction. But to her surprise, Clarke just frowned.

“He fell when he was with you and Octavia a month ago”, Clarke said, not understanding why Lincoln was asking the question. Lincoln had been here when Ayden had injured himself, had he not?

Lincoln frowned too, because Ayden had never hurt himself under their watch. “Did he tell you that? Because he never fell with us, Clarke. He didn’t have that scar when you came back to pick him up last time we saw him”.

Clarke frowned first, searching her memories. Suddenly, her eyes widened, because she remembered. She was remembering she had discovered Ayden’s injury. She had picked Ayden up from the Blakes’ apartment, and had come home with the boy. But later that night, Finn and her had a fight, a big one, and this night, Ayden had put himself between the two to protect Clarke. Clarke remembered that well, because she had been so afraid of Finn, and then she had seen her five years old boy shouting at Finn to protect her, fearless. Clarke’s heart then stopped. After Ayden had shouted, Finn had pushed him, and her son had fallen on the ground. _This is when he hurt himself,_ Clarke thought, and tears began to fell from her eyes when she realised her boy had lied about how he had gotten the injury. Finn had pushed his son on the ground, and he had fallen on broken stuffs Finn had thrown all around the house.

Clarke’s knees suddenly dropped underneath her sending Clarke on the floor. Clarke didn’t see Lexa rushing to her side and Lincoln running to the kitchen to grab some water.

Ayden had hurt himself because of Finn. Because of her. This was her fault. She had thought Finn had never hurt his son, and she had hanged to that fact, the fact that Finn would never harm him. Except he did, and now Ayden had a huge scar to prove it. And Ayden had lied about it, the scar was ugly because Ayden had probably been terrified to speak to her about it. Clarke’s head was spinning.

“Finn did this, didn’t he?” Clarke whispered her voice breaking.

Lincoln clenched his teeth, because he had figured that too. Lexa tried to steady Clarke and get her to get up, but Clarke stopped her, looking the brunette directly in her eyes.

“Lexa, I need to know”, Clarke murmured, scanning green eyes, “I know you gave Ayden a bath once, you had already seen the scar before today, and I’m sure you asked about it. What did he tell you?”

Lexa shook her head, not wanting to say anything.

“Lexa please...” Clarke begged, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks.

“He told me...” Lexa began, “he told me Finn had pushed him and he had fallen on something sharp”, the brunette said.

Clarke’s eyes widened even more, and suddenly got up, running off into the bedroom. Lexa didn’t even try to keep her from going. Lincoln sighed as Raven was coming back into the room.

“What happened? Where is Clarke?” Raven asked, confused.

Lincoln sighed again, and began to explain everything to Raven, whose eyes widened when she heard about Ayden’s scar part, when Lexa kept looking the bedroom’s door where Clarke was.

What were they going to do now?


	24. He Has To Pay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm back! Sorry for the wait, thing is I was working all week in a shop and didn't have time to update... I hope you're all having a very good Christmas! Enough talking, enjoy!
> 
> PS: A special thank you to my AO3 friend from Croatia who took the time to read the entire chapter before I published it and corrected my mistakes!

_Song : Waiting For Nothing by Evolution Of Stars_  
  
Lexa, Lincoln and Raven were in the living-room, looking at each other with worry clearly written on their faces.

“So, that didn’t go as planned...” Raven said looking pale, and Lexa huffed because that was so fucking damn true.

“I should go check on her” the brunette then suggested.

“No, let me go to her” Raven asked, and reading Lexa’s face, “please”, she added.

Lexa raised a brow at Lincoln, who nodded. Lexa then nodded to Raven. The girl went to the bedroom, leaving Lexa and Lincoln in the living-room.

“Clarke?” Raven gently asked, knocking a little on the door.

The blonde gave no answer, so Raven pushed the door open so she could come in. Raven stepped into the room, and her heart broke. Raven wasn’t a crying kind of girl, but she didn’t even try to hold back her tears this time.

Clarke was lying on the bed, broken by angry sobs shaking her all body like hell.

“Clarke...” Raven murmured, fully crying now.

This was all their faults, if Clarke was like this. They had done this to her, by putting too much responsibilities on her, giving her too much things to handle. They had been so angry at her sometimes, for things she had decided on her own, or things she hadn’t do in the way they wanted, and Raven knew how awful she had been to her for a time, with Finn and everything.  
But now Raven was seeing it; Clarke had been human this whole time, and they had broken her with their reproaches. They had seen her as unbreakable, but Clarke was no God. They should have backed her. They should have listened to her, they should have paid attention to her, they should have seen the Clarke behind the leader walls. They should have seen her, help her and support her.

Raven couldn’t take it anymore, and rushed to the bed, circling the sobbing girl with both her arms.

“Clarke I’m so sorry, we didn’t know, I’m sorry Clarke...” Raven was saying again and again, crying into blonde hair.

Clarke had been surprised it was Raven, because she was guessing Lexa would be the one to come check on her, but when she had felt Raven’s arms all around her, holding her for dear life, her last wall had broken, and she had melted into the brunette’s embrace.

“We’ll listen to you now Clarke, I promise, I will do anything to make you feel better, I promise I’ll look after you and Ayden, Clarke I’m so sorry please stop crying...” Raven was rambling with tears streaming down her face.

But Raven’s words only made Clarke cry harder because she could see how sincere her friend was, and Clarke understood; she was not alone in this. She knew this already, but it was something else when the person was telling it to you. She was not alone. Lexa was here. Raven and Lincoln were here. Clarke could get up and start to live again, because she had friends to help her all the way.

And Finn. Clarke’s tears were decreasing, and anger was slowly rising inside her. That douche bag was going to pay for everything he had done. Clarke could take the hits, she could bare everything he had done to her, but for hurting her son, Finn would pay, oh how bad he would. Clarke’s eyes were open now, and she was feeling freaking stupid for not telling anyone about her home situation.

“I’ve got you” Raven whispered to her friend when she felt Clarke shivering. But Clarke was only shivering with anger.

“Finn has to pay, Rae” Clarke murmured.

“And this asshole will, I can assure you that, even if I have to kill him with a piece of my brace” Raven said, very determined, and Clarke could easily believe the girl.

“You can’t threaten everyone to kill them with your brace Raven” Clarke chuckled, wiping her tears.

Raven lightly laughed too while sniffing, “Like Hell I can’t!”

The two girls stayed quiet for a while, Clarke half-lying on Raven’s chest, who had not removed her arms from around Clarke. To Clarke’s surprise, she didn’t mind being held by Raven; in fact, she was glad the brunette was here to hold her.

A quiet knock on the door made itself heard, and they saw a tiny head peeking from behind the door.

“Mommy? You there?” Ayden asked, and Clarke had to fight hard to keep water in her eyes.

“Yes, come in baby”, Clarke said, tapping the bed for him to get in. Ayden got up, and snuggled against her, lying on Raven too.

Clarke put her hand underneath Ayden’s scar, letting her fingers trace it.

“I’m sorry Ayden” Clarke murmured, “I’m sorry he did this to you. I’m sorry I didn’t figure it out sooner, I’m sorry you had to keep this from me”, Clarke paused so she could steady her voice, “but he will never touch you again. He will never even lay his eyes on you. If you don’t want to see him ever again, you won’t”.

Ayden nodded, burying himself more against his mother’s chest.

“I just don’t want him to hurt you again” the kid whispered.

Clarke brought her kid even closer to her. “He won’t. I promise. From now on, life is going to change for the two of us. We will do what we want, and we will live where we want. We are going to make ourselves be safe. What do you say, Ayden?” The blonde asked.

Ayden nodded. “I want to live with people who love me”, the boy said, and Raven couldn’t stop a tear from falling down.

“Don’t cry Rae, I love you!” Ayden then said, smiling to his adoptive aunt.

The women chuckled, because this kid was a gift. “Mommy?”

“Yes honey?”

“I want Finn to not be my father anymore, can you do that?” Ayden asked, pleading his mother with his brown and green eyes.

“He never was your father” Clarke murmured, “and he won’t ever be”. Her heart was broken by what she had forced her son to go through. Ayden had apparently been scared to death to be near Finn, and Clarke had been oblivious to it.

The trio laid in bed for a few more minutes before Clarke sat herself, wiping away the last tears. “Come on guys, there are people waiting for us over there!”

Raven smiled too, and the three of them went into the living-room. When Clarke had gotten up, Ayden had put his hand in hers, and Clarke had held it for dear life. Her son and herself were fine. Finn was going to pay, and the both of them will be ok.

Clarke saw Lexa smile lightly to her; maybe because she was glad Clarke was ok. The blonde seemed fine, and Ayden holding his mother’s hand and smiling at her was warming Lexa’s heart.

“Okay people” Anya said, “Who’s hungry?”

“Me me me!” Ayden shouted, making everyone burst into laughter.

* * *

Octavia was working hard, these days. They didn’t have received any special mission yet, and they were confined into their secret base of operation, doing nothing but training, and that was getting to Octavia’s head. She had never complained about anything before, and certainly not about training, but right now she was fuming inside; Clarke needed her, and she was fucking stuck here hitting pushing-balls.

So she was training very hard, tiring herself off so her mind would stop thinking this much. She didn’t have any news from the others, but she knew it was probably because they were deep below the city and texts mustn’t pass through.

Indra had noticed Octavia’s state, of course. This woman had eyes and ears everywhere. The Blake girl wasn’t hard to read anyway. Indra knew Octavia had her mind elsewhere; she knew her second couldn’t stop caring about her friends, even if at work she was supposed to act like she had no one waiting for her at home. Indra knew well what choice Octavia would make if she was forced to choose between her family and the team: and the older woman couldn’t blame her for that. Octavia was loyal; a very loyal agent, and even more loyal to her friends. Even to Clarke, even if Octavia and her had had difficult times and disagreements on how to do things. Indra didn’t know that Blonde Clarke very well, but she could recognise a true leader when she was seeing one; Indra knew every each of Octavia’s friends including Octavia herself would turn to Clarke when troubles would appear.

“Octavia”, Indra called the black haired-girl in the training room, “come here for a second”.

Octavia stopped hitting the poor pushing ball threatening to break anytime, picked up a towel to dry her face and made her way to Indra. Octavia didn’t ask why Indra had called her; she had to wait for Indra to talk first.

“Octavia, you’re not focused” Indra stated, and Octavia said nothing, because she knew it was true.

“You’re useless here” Indra continued, “and I don’t want you or anyone of the team to die because your mind is distracted”.

Octavia’s heart ached, because it seemed like Indra is firing her, and Octavia started to break from inside. But she stayed still, waiting for what Indra had to say.

“Go home, Octavia kom Skaikru. Be with your family. Find Clarke. And be back when you find your concentration again”.

Then, Indra walked away, leaving a stunned Octavia frozen on spot. Was Indra really letting Octavia go, just like this?

Octavia didn’t think about it for long though, and almost ran to the locker-room to take her stuffs. She then ran to the tunnel’s entrance after saying a quick goodbye to her partners who obviously wonder why Octavia is leaving alone, but the Blake girl ran, started her motorcycle, and didn’t lose time to drive back home.

Octavia got up the stairs to her apartment two by two and busted into it, expecting Lincoln to be there. She checked the clock before leaving, and Lincoln should be home from work; but he was nowhere to be seen when Octavia opened the door, and the girl frowned, because it was weird.

“Lincoln?” Octavia called into the apartment.

Someone came out of the kitchen, but it was not Lincoln.

“O?” Bellamy said while frowning; what was his sister doing here?

Octavia nearly ran to her brother, hugging him. If Bellamy is surprised by the affection, he doesn’t say a word about it and reciprocates the hug quickly.

“Indra let me go because she said I wasn’t focused” Octavia explained looking around, “where is Lincoln? Shouldn’t Raven be there too?”

Bellamy frowned, because he didn’t know why his sister was asking those questions. Didn’t she have read the conversation on the app?

“O, they are with Clarke right now” Bellamy said, testing her reaction.

And Octavia’s eyes are widening, because she FUCKING DIDN’T KNOW they had found Blondie Princess Clarke and why the fucking fuck nobody HAD TOLD HER about it?

“Finn is in a cell” Bellamy explained, gesturing for them to sit on the couch, “some neighbor of Clarke’s had brought him to the police station”.

Octavia frowned, because she could guess why Finn was in a cell. “What has he done?” she asked.

“Clarke... Clarke was beaten up by him” Bellamy confessed, and didn’t miss his sister’s eyes watering when he spoke, “someone rescued her, and now she’s staying with that person”.

Octavia frowned once more, because she knew Clarke; Clarke would have never accepted to stay with a stranger, even if that stranger has just rescued her.

“Don’t they know each other?” The Blake girl asked her brother.

“I don’t really know” Bellamy shrugged, “we didn’t have the occasion to ask. Clarke is emotionally exhausted and Woods is taking care of her for now. She doesn’t even want me to come to see her”.

Octavia only needed a few seconds to process her brother’s words. “Wait, did you say Woods? As in Lexa fuckin’ freakin’ amazing Woods?”

“Yes”, Bellamy raised a brow because he knew already his sister was a fan of Lexa, but still.

“How did Clarke manage to meet her?” Octavia asked again.

“I don’t know” shrugged again Bellamy because the only thing he knew was that Clarke didn’t want to see him yet, and maybe it was because of the influence Lexa Woods could already have on her.

“Could we go see her?” Octavia said like a child asking to go to the zoo.

“I wish”, her brother answered, “but she said only two by two, and Lincoln and Raven are already with her. Maybe we could go and bring her back here tomorrow” Bellamy sighed, because if it was entirely his choice he would have already drove to Lexa’s place to pick Ayden and Clarke up and bring them back here to live with all of them again.

Octavia exaggeratedly sighed to show her disagreement with the fact of not being able to go see if Clarke is okay, but she didn’t try to do anything and lied down on the couch, switching her phone back on to check the news on the secret app. She texted Lincoln too, to let him know she was home and –impatiently- waiting for him.

* * *

In Lexa’s loft, Lincoln was smiling at Octavia’s text notifying him she was back home. He approached Raven discreetly, telling her he was going to go meet her, and telling her she just had to call him so he could come and pick her up to bring her back to Arcadia. But Anya had heard the conversation, and had kindly offered Raven a ride home when she would leave herself. Raven had of course agreed, and Lincoln had left the loft after saying goodbye to Clarke and Ayden and made Clarke promise to not shut them out.

Raven and Anya were now busy playing with Ayden, and Clarke tugged at Lexa’s sleeve.

“Lexa, you said my neighbour Marcus Kane dropped Finn at the police station?” Clarke asked, and Lexa nodded without taking her eyes off the child in front of them.

“Did he give them a deposition or something? Did you?” Lexa nodded again at Clarke’s question.

 “So”, Clarke began to pace into the living-room, “I have to give them my deposition too, right?”

“Yes” Lexa confirmed; she knew that for a few days already, but she had been afraid to talk to Clarke about it.

Clarke knew what that meant; she probably had to take pictures of her whole body, to show the policemen all the bruises she had so they could have proof of what Finn had done. Clarke knew she would probably have to take a photo of Ayden’s scar too.

“Lexa, could we take some pictures, of, you know...” Clarke trailed off, but Lexa understood what the blonde was trying to say.

Lexa took Clarke by the hand, picked up the blonde’s phone and brought them into the bedroom for a bit of intimacy. By seeing the two girls leaving, Anya and Raven understood what they were going to do, and did their best to keep Ayden busy.  
  
In the room, Lexa waited for Clarke to remove her shirt. First, Clarke was ashamed of showing her body, but when she looked into Lexa’s green eyes, she saw compassion, understanding and support, and Clarke wasn’t ashamed anymore. For almost an hour, they took pictures from all the bruises, making sure they didn’t miss one. Every time Lexa would brush Clarke's skin, the blonde would shiver. 

When they were done, Clarke was going to put her shirt back, but Lexa stopped her, showing her the ointment Clarke still had to put on the bruises, and the blonde let her apply it.

“I’m scared, Lexa” Clarke whispered after a while. Clarke had never been the talkative kind of person, but with Lexa, she was feeling like it was right to talk to her. It was easy, opening herself to the brunette. Lexa wasn’t judging her.

“Why are you scared?” Lexa asked back.

“I don’t know”, Clarke murmured, “everything”.

Lexa helped Clarke put her shirt back on, and put her both hands on Clarke’s knees.

“Clarke, look at me” Lexa said, and Clarke did, drowning on green, “I know you are scared, and it’s ok to be scared. But you’re not alone in this, you know that. Finn will not get away with what he has done, I can promise you that”.

Clarke nodded, glad Lexa agreed with her.

Then, Clarke had leaned on Lexa’s shoulder, and Lexa had held her close. Lexa had felt a few tears soaking her shirt, and had quickly brushed off Clarke’s cheeks. Then, Lexa had leaned towards Clarke. Their noses had brushed each other, and Lexa had put a kiss on Clarke’s cheek, close to her mouth.

Lexa had then left the room, leaving Clarke alone in her bedroom with thousands of images of Lexa kissing her in her mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think of that? First I wanted for Clarke to shut herself off again, but thought otherwise at the end! The next chapter will be a Christmas one! See ya!


	25. Forgotten Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY for the wait (again) but we french love to party (a lot) and between Christmas and New Year's Eve and everything, I hadn't had the proper time to write! My life is kind of a mess right now, but I'll tell you all about it later! Enough talking, thanks for waiting, and if you want to talk with me more, find on instagram "sixtineschmidt"!
> 
> PS: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

_Song : Blue Christmas by The Lumineers_

A week had passed by in a blur since the first time Clarke had seen her friends back, and this week had been a hard one for the blonde; Lexa had been at work every day –because she had a lot of work to do as the past weeks hadn’t been very productive for her- and Clarke had had to deal with the police about Finn without Lexa being there with her. Thankfully, Raven and Octavia had come by almost every day to be with Clarke while Lexa was away, and Raven even went to the police station with Monty and Clarke to give them the pictures of Clarke’s body Lexa had taken.

Octavia had seen Clarke two days after Raven and Lincoln, and the black-haired girl had cried her eyes off when she had seen Clarke’s scars running all over her body. She had begged Clarke to forgive her for being so angry with her in the past, and Clarke had hugged her hard, telling her there was nothing to forgive.

The only ones Clarke hadn’t seen yet were Maya and Jasper (because of their work), Murphy and Emori (because they weren’t that close to the blonde and they didn’t want to suffocate her. She hadn’t see Bellamy, either. He had been very busy all week with the police; at least it was what Raven and Octavia had said, and Clarke was pretty sure they had kept him from coming to Lexa’s to see her. Clarke wasn’t mad at them about that; in fact, she was relieved she hadn’t seen him yet. Not because they disliked each other, because it was the contrary; Bellamy was Clarke’s best friend, and they had worked so well together in the past... But seeing him so soon? She wasn’t ready, not yet. She couldn’t handle the look he would have on his face, she couldn’t deal with the fact that he would get angry at the second he would lay his eyes on her and she didn’t need him to be angry. She wanted him just to tell her that everything would be alright, she wanted him to take her in his arms and tell her he would protect them for now. But she was guessing the Bellamy she wanted was only living in her head. The Bellamy she knew would get angry and yell at Finn and look for revenge/justice and she was tired, so tired of all the fight....

The nightmares hadn’t stopped. Clarke would wake up almost every night screaming or panting or chocking with her own saliva. Lexa had slept on the couch the first nights, getting into bed with Clarke every time the girl would wake up.          

Lexa had done this the first two nights. And then, Lexa, Clarke and Ayden had spent every night together in Lexa’s bed, snuggled in each other, safe under the blankets. Clarke and Ayden had always been there impatiently waiting for Lexa when she would come home from work; and Lexa had always worn a beamed smile when she would hear laughers in her loft before entering it; the sign they were still here.

Today was different though. It was Saturday afternoon, and it was the 24th of December. Ayden had been excited about it all week, thinking about Santa and Christmas tree and decorations all over Polis City. Clarke had even suggested for her friends to come eat at Lexa’s tonight, and Lexa had been happy Clarke had been the one to suggest it. If Clarke was opening herself more, there was some progress and Lexa was thrilled about it. It meant that Clarke would be soon herself again. Smiling and laughing and joking around and lightening the room, and maybe, maybe the three of them would get somewhere, when everything would be better.     

 Today, the three of them had overslept and had had breakfast for lunch; Ayden had been super happy to do this, and had begged Lexa to do that every Saturday, jumping all around the brunette. Of course Lexa had laughed, and when Clarke had laughed too, Lexa had just wanted to kiss her so hard she was having a really hard time holding herself back. 

“Yexa, look! Mommy has nutella all over her face!” Ayden giggled, showing Clarke’s face with his fingers.

Clarke blushed, and Lexa found it adorable.

“Stop laughing or the tickle monster will come” Clarke threatened her son, whose eyes immediately widened in semi-fear.

“No Mommy please, not the tickling monster!” Ayden tried to hide behind Lexa, but the brunette put herself aside, leaving room for Clarke to reach her son.

The trio soon found itself lying on the floor, totally laughing their asses off.

“Mommy!” Ayden shouted suddenly getting up on his feet, “we don’t have a Christmas tree!” he then jumped around Lexa still shouting, “Yexa please can we go get a Christmas tree? Yexaaa!”

And Lexa froze on spot. The Christmas tree. It was Christmas tonight. She hadn’t seen that day coming. How could she had forgotten about this? And in a single second, thousands of memories were rushing to her mind; Costia playing in the snow, laughing at Lexa who had fell on ice, Costia almost dropping the plastic star to put on the top of the tree, Costia giving her a fuming cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows. How could she had forgotten about this for the last weeks? HOW?

“Lexa...?” Clarke cautiously asked, noticing Lexa’s rigidness.

But Lexa didn’t say a word, eyes wild open. Costia. Costia’s favourite moment of the year was going out to pick the best Christmas tree possible. Lexa was seeing her running between the trees laughing because Lexa would always complain about how ridiculous looking for a tree for hours was. Lexa had forgotten about this. She had never forgotten about anything. For years.

“Yexa?” Ayden asked too, gently tugging at the brunette’s sleeve.

But Lexa couldn’t think. Her mind was paralyzed. It was all too much. “I have to go”, Lexa whispered, suddenly taking her coat and running out of the flat, leaving Clarke and Ayden standing in the middle of the living-room, as a familiar song was going on her mind.

 _I'll have a Blue Christmas without you_  
_I'll be so blue thinking about you_  
_Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree_  
_Won't mean a thing dear, if you're not here with me..._

* * *

 Anya was in her flat, looking at some stuff for work when her phone buzzed. She frowned, because Raven was calling; Raven had never called her, and Anya wasn’t ready to reach that step yet. Or was she already ready to marry the girl? Anya quickly shook her head to get rid of those stupid thoughts and picked up the call. She didn’t want to miss it, okay?

“Raven?”

 _“Yeah Anya it’s me, I’m sorry for disturbing you but this is an emergency_...” Raven trailed off, and suddenly Anya was worried.

“What? What’s going on? Are you ok?”

_“I’m fine but it’s Clarke. Well, it’s Lexa actually”_

“What? What about Lexa?” Anya was starting to worry a lot now.

 _“I don’t know, Clarke called a minute ago crying because Lexa had suddenly left the loft without saying anything, she doesn’t understand”_ Raven tried to explain, but it was hard doing so because she herself hadn’t figured out everything Clarke had said.

“Lexa would never do that, I don’t get it!” Anya raised a brow, completely taken aback by what Raven was telling her.

 _“Listen An I’m on my way to Lexa’s place, can you come too?”_ Raven asked, and Anya was quick to say she would be there soon.

While driving to Lexa’s, Anya had a thousand thoughts running through her mind; Lexa was in complete adoration with Clarke and Ayden, why had she left like this? It wasn’t making any sense... Anya absently looked at the streets; Christmas decorations were glowing, and trees were.... _Christmas fucking tree_ , Anya thought, something striking her. They were supposed to do Christmas at Lexa’s place tonight; Clarke or Ayden should have asked Lexa for a tree, triggering her. _Stupid fucking Christmas tree_ , Anya thought again. It was not Anya’s place to explain why Lexa had problems with Christmas trees –maybe even with Christmas in general- but she knew. She knew why Lexa had left. Costia.

* * *

 Lexa was walking through the streets, barely looking at where she was going. Everything was blank in her mind. Actually, no it was not. Millions of thoughts were passing through her, memories, pictures of old good times, sounds she used to love and cherish. The smile Costia had always worn. Her eyes, glowing when she had been happy. Her voice, so soft, and delicate, and exquisite and... Costia was everything. Had been, everything. And now... Now Lexa had nothing, because Costia was gone. And she was alone, so all alone... Suddenly, Lexa threw up, missing her own shoes for a few centimetres.

Lexa wiped her mouth, a weird taste on her lips, and continued walking without destination. Although she did have a destination; her safe place, where she was going when she just wanted to die and be with her again. A few minutes later, Lexa was sitting on an old green bench.

It was not any bench, nah; it was their bench. The bench behind Coalition Corp’s bigger building, the bench where she had seen Costia for the very first time. The bench where she had kissed her for the first time. The bench where Costia and her and first said “I love you” to each other. The bench where Costia had left her crying, because Lexa was negligent with her because of her work. The bench Lexa had waited for Costia for three hours, after their big fight. The bench when she had received a call. THE call. The bench Lexa had slept on for hours before Anya had found her and had brought her home. The bench Lexa had never come back to, after that day.

Two years. She hadn’t come here for two years, and nothing had changed, except that maybe the green painting was clearer, perhaps because of the weather and time.

Lexa sat down on the bench, looking around. It was all the same. Except she was alone, this time.

 _I'll have a blue heartache for certain_  
_And when those blue memories starts hurtin'_  
_You'll be doin' all right with your Christmas of white_  
_But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas...._

* * *

 Anya had arrived a few minutes earlier in the loft, and was trying to calm everyone down. Clarke had stopped crying -in fact she hadn’t been crying when Anya had arrived- but was rather quite, and Raven was afraid she was shutting herself down while she was locking herself up into Lexa’s room.

“Hey Raven, take this” Anya said, giving the girl a fuming cup of coffee.

“Black?”

“As black as possible” Anya answered, smiling.

It made Raven smile too, and if Anya wasn’t looking at her, she would have face-palmed herself. What was that? That was surely the worst flirt in the whole human history. And what game were they playing anyways?! Raven was supposed to take care of Ayden and Clarke, not badly flirt with Lexa’s older cousin. And Anya was supposed to make sure Lexa was ok, not stupidly smile at Clarke’s friend like this.

The both of them shook her head so they could focus on something really important. Anya got out of the living-room to try to call Lexa –again- even if she knew she wouldn’t probably answer, while Raven was taking Ayden in her arms to try to calm him down.

“Shhhh, Ayden, it’s okay” Raven was whispering, “don’t cry buddy”.

But Ayden was inconsolable; Lexa had left. She said she would never. She had lied, and she had broken a promise to him. For Ayden and Clarke, promises were sacred, because if they were not, what was the point of making them if you could break them this easily? Adults were mean. They were complicated, and they were false. They were lying about everything, and it wasn’t fair, because he was told to never lie. Why give children rules if it was to break them right after?

“Leave me!” Ayden suddenly shouted, getting rid of Raven’s arms, and ran towards the spare room, leaving Raven shocked and frozen on spot. Ayden had never said no to a hug or anything. He had never acted like this. What Lexa had done on him?

Anya was coming back into the living-room, and frowned when she noticed the look on Raven’s face. Sad. Disappointed.

“Raven? What’s wrong?” Anya asked, a bit worried.

“It’s Ayden. I think his trust in us is broken” Raven whispered, tears forming in her eyes.

Anya gave Raven a sympathetic smile. She had seen, more than Raven, how Lexa and Ayden had been together. Lexa was Ayden’s hero. And now, she had left him in a single move, breaking every piece of trust he had put in her. Anya could understand the boy, in some way. Trust was sacred.

“What do we do?” Raven then asked, and Anya shrugged, because she had no idea.

Of course she was guessing where Lexa was, but she didn’t know if she would come back on her own or if Anya was supposed to go look for her. And now, what were Clarke and Ayden going to do? They were living here for almost a month now, could they stay while Lexa was gone? Would Lexa even want them here when she would come back?

“Raven, where do you live?” Anya asked.

“Arcadia building. Why?”

“Do Octavia and Lincoln live there too?” Anya asked then.

“Yeah, every one of us has a flat there. Why?” Raven raised a brow, because those were weird questions to ask now.

“Does Clarke has a flat too?” Anya insisted.

“Yeah, but why...” Raven trailed as she found the answer to her own question. “You’re asking me if Clarke could come to live with us again.”

“Yes”. Anya nodded.

Raven clenched her teeth, because yes, they would still have a place to live within Arcadia with the rest of the group, but she knew it was the last thing Clarke wanted. “In theory, yes”, Raven answered.

“In theory?” It was Anya’s turn to raise a brow.

“Clarke doesn’t want Ayden to be near the violence surrounding Arcadia. That’s the reason she didn’t come to us when she was in trouble in the first place” Raven sighed, sitting on the couch because her leg was starting to hurt.

And Anya raised her brow again, because why was there violence around their building? Polis was a quite city, was it not?

“Violence?”

“Drug dealers. Maybe some Mafia hideout too. Guns and fights every week” Raven shrugged.

Anya’s eyes widened, because she had never heard those things. “Where the fuck do you live?”

“Skaikru territory” Raven answered, and Anya understood. No one knew what was going on over there. People were saying it was quite and nothing ever happened. Apparently, it wasn’t the case.

“Why don’t you tell the police, so they could do something?” Anya asked.

“Octavia’s –you know, Lincoln’s girlfriend- brother is a cop, and at the police station no one want to move against the mafia nor Skaikru gangs” Raven sighed, because she and the whole group were trying to make things change for quite some years now.

“It’s unacceptable, if Lexa was here...” Anya stated only to be interrupted by Raven.

“But Lexa isn’t here, is she?” Raven glared at Anya with a clear tone of reproach in her voice.

Anya didn’t say anything, just nodded, because Raven was right at some point. “So, what do we do?” Anya asked.

Raven sighed, and got her phone out of her pocket. “I’ll ask the group to make sure Clarke’s flat is ok for them to live in”. Anya nodded again, and went to check on Ayden. Clarke was still locked up in the other bedroom, but it was more Raven’s job than Anya’s. Anya could deal with Ayden.

* * *

 Anya approached the room and lightly knocked on the door. “Ayden? You’re here?”

“I don’t want to talk” said a tiny shaky voice.

Anya entered the bedroom and closed the door behind her. “Ayden, I know you’re hurt. But you’re not alone” Anya whispered to the boy, cautionary passing her hand through his hair.

“Lexa left”, the boy whined, sniffing into his sleeve, “she said she wouldn’t”.

And Anya’s heart broke, because she had seen them just “be” together. Those two were meant to spend their lives together, they were perfect and Anya had no doubts Lexa could be a great mother with him (of course she knew they were not there yet with Clarke, but she had hints it would one day be).

“You know Ayden, Lexa is no god”, Anya gently said, “Sometimes she can be hurt too”.

Ayden raised his head with curiosity. “Why is she hurt?”

Anya didn’t respond right away, because she didn’t really know if she could explain it to a kid, or if she even had the right to do so. It was Lexa’s story, after all. But Ayden seemed so sad she decided Lexa would forgive her for telling him.

“Lexa had someone she really cared about”, Anya started while Ayden was looking at her, listening very carefully, “she was very close with that person. But one day, that person died”.

Ayden’s eyes widened. “The person died? Why?”

“We don’t really know, but Lexa was very sad because it was a really very important person to her” Anya continued, “and sometimes she is still sad about it, because things remember Lexa of her”.

“Lexa is sad because sometimes she thinks about that person?” Ayden asked.

“Yes, exactly”.

Ayden hummed, and it made Anya smile, because the kid seemed to understand everything Anya was saying.

“How was she called? The person?” Ayden asked.

“Her name was Costia” Anya answered, “and Costia loved Christmas, it was her favourite event in the year” Anya smiled and Ayden smiled too because it was his favourite feast too, “so when Lexa figured out it was Christmas tonight, she remembered Costia, and that made her very sad”.

“That’s why she left me?” Ayden said with a pout. Not because he was upset about it, but more because he was sad Lexa had been upset because of Christmas.

“Yes” Anya whispered, internally prying to be right about that.

“Okay” Ayden hummed, burying his head in Anya’s chest. If Anya was surprised as hell, she tried not to show it.

Raven on the contrary, who had been leaning on the frame door after talking with Clarke, had been watching the two of them for a few minutes now with some tears on her cheeks.

Anya noticed her, and frowned, silently mouthing “are you ok?”. Raven nodded, wiping her tears and pointing Ayden and Anya, showing her what had made her emotional. Anya then noticed Ayden had fallen asleep, so she removed him from her and went back into the living-room with Raven.

“I called the others. They say the flat is ready, they took care of everything and removed all of Finn’s stuff” Raven said with disgusted face. Anya nodded, agreeing with this; she didn’t know the entire story –she didn’t know anything about it actually beside the fact Finn had beat Clarke up- but she knew removing Finn’s things was a good idea.

“Ok then” Anya murmured. “What about security? You said...”

Don’t worry about it” Raven said, “Octavia is taking care of it”.

Anya nodded although she didn’t know what Octavia could do against dealer gangs and street violence.

“Clarke is ok to leave. Do you mind dropping us there?” Raven asked.

“No of course” Anya then said.

Raven went into the spare room to take the sleeping boy in her arms while Anya was putting Clarke’s bags into her car.

 _And when those blue heartaches start hurtin'_  
_I'll have a blue memory for certain_  
_And you'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white_  
_But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas_  
_You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white_  
_But I'll have a blue, blue Christmas...._

* * *

_(Lexa’s, Clarke’s and Ayden’s song: You Know It by Colony House)_

An hour ago. Lexa was still sitting on the bench, completely lost in her thoughts, eyes closed and occasionally a tear was rolling down her cheek. She was missing Costia so damn much, she was craving her, she was craving her touch, her voice, and she was missing the light in those blue eyes. It was funny, because Costia’s eyes were a dark blue, like an ocean blue or a lightly night blue, or maybe even and it was funny because Clarke’s eyes were a lot clearer than Costia’s like a sky blue and...

Clarke. Clarke was back at her place. Lexa’s eyes shot open. She had run away from her loft, when she had left Clarke and Ayden alone, without explanations. Lexa quickly got her phone out of her pocket; she had seven missed calls from Anya. “Shit”, Lexa swore. What had she been thinking, running off like that? She couldn’t do that to them! They didn’t trust a lot of people, and Lexa couldn’t break their trust like this!

She tried to call Anya back, but fell on the voicemail. She sighed and looked through the app pages. Then, she smiled. Her wallpaper was a picture she had took after their dance party, the week before. The three of them were smiling. Lexa smiled even more, because they were probably still waiting for her at home.

 _Take that picture from that frame_  
_I put it in my pocket so that every day you're with me_  
_I keep you close to my heart_  
_Give me one more kiss before the boys arrive_  
_Nashville to San Francisco is a hell of a drive_  
_But don't worry, the Lord is good when the road is wrong_

She got up, determined to get home as soon as she could. But first, she needed to buy a Christmas tree. Ayden had been very excited about it, after all. Lexa laughed alone at the thought of seeing the boy’s face next to the Christmas tree, and as their song was playing in her mind, she began to run, a smile still written on her face.

 _And we'll be back before you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_I said you know, you know it_  
_La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la_  
_Woo_

* * *

 “Ok so the car’s ready!” Anya yelled to Raven. When she saw that Clarke, Raven and Ayden weren’t coming out of the apartment, she went inside herself to see Clarke struggling to leave the place. Raven was explaining to her that Arcadia was safe, that everything was ready for them, but Clarke seemed reluctant.

“Come on Clarke, Octavia and some guys of her team, will be there...!” Raven encouraged her, but the blonde was convinced at all.

Suddenly, a noise was heard, and the front door swung open.

Clarke’s, Anya’s and Raven’s eyes widened as someone entered the loft. Hm, something actually. It was green and bushy and... A tree? Was it a tree? Like a Christmas tree?

“Lexa” then said Anya, recognising her cousin.

“Hi” the brunette said back, carrying a very green Christmas tree.


	26. We Are All Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GUYS! I have so much to talk to you about!  
> First, THANK YOU to you all for following me, supporting me, sending me reviews and kudos and everything, don't forget you can find me on Instagram to message me or anything "sixtineschmidt"! 
> 
> THEN I'd like to ask you how does the whole Beta dynamic works here on AO3, because I would like one to help me with my fic (so you could have update sooner) so if there's any beta reading me right now, feel free to propose your help ;D
> 
> FINALLY a couple of friends and I are going to do a roadtrip in the whole Europe next summer, and we need places to sleep, infos on which country and cities to visit, those kind of things! SO if you want me and my friends to stop by your house this summer for a night, or if you know places where we could stay, feel free to share with me! We are thinking about going through like Germany, Belgium, Croatia, Slovenia, Austria... Eastern countries (because we French people are in west Europe so ;) ) 
> 
> ENOUGH TALKING, enjoy!

_Song : Riptide Cover by Mark Wilkinson_

 

“Hi” the brunette said, stabilizing the tree she was holding.

Anya’s eyes widened. Lexa was back, and with... a tree? Clarke on the other hand, was in complete shock. Lexa was back, and she didn’t seemed angry or upset or anything. In the contrary, she was wearing a shy smile on her lips, her cheeks a little red from the cold. Lexa was back. Clarke didn’t say anything and went back into the bedroom, shutting the door with a big bang. Lexa’s smile disappeared immediately at the thought of the blonde being mad at her.

Anya and Raven had recovered from their initial surprise, and Anya approached her cousin, an eyebrow raised.

“You’re here” Anya stated.

“Yes” Lexa said with a nodded.

“With a tree” the older cousin stated again. 

“A Christmas tree” Lexa nodded with a smile on her face.

“You bought a Christmas tree. On your own” Anya said, still not believing it.

And Lexa nodded again as Raven didn’t understand the secret language those two were apparently speaking. Then, Lexa noticed Ayden in Raven’s arms. The boy was slowly awakening from all the noise Lexa had made in coming into the house and was rubbing his eyes.

At the sight of the boy hugging Raven’s neck, Lexa felt jealousy spreading all over her body. She should be the one reassuring him. Carrying him in her arms.

She tried to make a step towards him, because she knew he would be thrilled to see her, but suddenly Anya took a step in front of her, blocking the way, as Ayden was turning his head to deny the fact Lexa was here.

Lexa’s heart hurt as if something had strike it, and she threw a _“give me an explanation”_ look at her cousin. “Anya?” Lexa asked to know why her cousin was blocking the way.

“Listen,” Anya whispered while Raven was taking Ayden into the living room, “you left them without saying anything Lexa. They are both upset”

“But....” Lexa tried to protest, because Anya knew well why she had run away.

“There’s no _but_ for them Lex” Anya explained, “you promised Ayden you wouldn’t leave him....”

“But I did leave him” Lexa realised, her eyes widened.

“But you did” Anya nodded, “they didn’t know about Costia, and....”

“Did?” Lexa asked, not sure to have heard well.

“Yeah hum, I may have told Ayden...” Anya confessed.

Lexa shot her a death glare, because it was absolutely not Anya’s story to tell.

“You did not see him Lexa” Anya protested, “He was heartbroken! Because he thought you had left him! Lex listen” Anya sighed, “You’re not the only one to have been through hell, OK? And you were adult when Costia died. This kid,” Anya pointed towards the living room, “this kid is five and in those only five years, he had seen his father beat his mother up, he had lived in the streets in the middle of the damn winter, he has a funding scar on his back because of his father!”

“But you don’t understand,” Lexa said, tears willing up in her eyes, “I loved her!” Lexa almost shouted. 

“But he loved YOU! He trusted YOU!  You’re his fuckin’ superhero Lexa!” Anya shouted back.

Both women stopped taking, completely out of breath. Anya sighed.

“Look, Lexa. I know you’re still hurt. You lost someone you cared so much about, again. And I’m very, very sorry for that. You have the right to be upset about it and to mourn her death and everything, but if you want to do this, you can’t have the two of them at your place. If they are staying here, you need to be here with them. Otherwise, they’ll go back to live with their friends instead of here”.

Understanding ran all over Lexa when she noticed the bags next to the entrance door. “They were leaving” she said with a shaky voice she didn’t know she could have.

“Yes” Anya nodded, “because I didn’t know if you would still like to have them at your place when you’d be back”.

Lexa nodded; she could understand it. But she didn’t want Clarke and Ayden to go away; she wasn’t ready to see them leave. It was too soon, Clarke was still fragile, and she still needed Lexa, didn’t she? Or did Lexa need Clarke? 

“What do I do now, Anya?” Lexa sighed, saddened by the fact the two people she had grown attached to were mad at her.

“You’re asking me about relationship?” Anya chuckled, and Lexa laughed, raising her brow at her cousin.

“I don’t know” Lexa shrugged with a smirk on her face, “you seem pretty close with Raven”.

Anya chocked on air, her eyes going wide, “I, no, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I mean, no, Raven and me, no way, I just...” Anya rambled, making Lexa smirk even more.

Anya lowered her head, because there was nothing she could do now to change her cousin’s mind; she was so screwed.

Lexa sighed again, and Anya knew the “funny” moment was gone.

“Just go and talk to them. Fix this” Anya gently suggested.

“But how, Anya?” Lexa whined. She had no idea how to do this.

“Listen to me” Anya said while putting a hand on Lexa’s shoulder, “you want Clarke to open herself to you, right?”

Lexa nodded.

“But you need to open yourself back to her, too” Anya said, “Clarke doesn’t know anything about you, like you don’t know anything about her. The thing is,” Anya continued, “you already know some things she had gone through. She doesn’t know your past; she can’t understand why you ran off.”

Lexa nodded again, because she knew her cousin was right. Anya smiled at her, and gently pushed her to her own bedroom so she would talk to Clarke, before disappearing into the living-room to join Raven and Ayden watching TV.

* * *

 

In front of her bedroom’s door, Lexa heavily breathe in, and out, to give herself courage. “Ok Lexa, you can do this” she murmured to herself.

She slowly knocked on the door, and as no one answered, she carefully pushed the door open. She was kind of relieve Clarke wasn’t crying all her body tears, but the emotionless face the blonde had wasn’t making Lexa feel better though. Lexa gulped when angry blue eyes locked into hers, and Lexa’s heart compressed itself in her chest.

“Clarke” Lexa was just able to say. It was more like she had whispered the word really, and she wasn’t sure Clarke had even heard it.

“If you just wanted us to leave, you could just have said it” Clarke said, snapping at Lexa with anger clearly wrapped all over her voice.

Lexa’s eyes widened, surprised by Clarke’s tone. “No Clarke, that’s not...” She tried to say.

“What is it, then?” Clarke snapped again at the brunette.

Lexa sighed and sat on the bed near Clarke. She didn’t miss the way she girl flinched when sat down.

“I lost someone, a few years ago” Lexa started with a tiny voice. She wasn’t ready to tell the story, in fact she wasn’t sure she would ever be, but she really wanted Clarke to know why she had acted this way. “She... She was very important to me, and I loved her like hum... I _loved_ her” Lexa chuckled at her own lack of proper words. “And then, she suddenly died” Lexa murmured.

Clarke tried to keep her surprise down, silently thanking for the shutters still almost shut. “We had a fight, and she died the same night, after she had ran away from our house” Lexa continued, her voice shaking, “and I’m sorry because some things still remember me of her, like this stupid Christmas tree, did you know I couldn’t go fetch one before because it reminded me too much she wasn’t here to pick it with me because she loved picking the tree?, and then I sat on that special bench of us and I remembered you were there at my place waiting for me and then I went to pick a tree because I thought Ayden would like it but he didn’t even wanted to look at me and then I saw you two were going to leave because of what I did” Lexa was rambling, her voice threatening to broke at any moment.

All that Clarke could do was listen the brunette girl she had grown attached to; she was so amazed about seeing Lexa this vulnerable she almost instantly forgot to breathe.

“And I would understand if you wanted to leave and go back with your friends, so I have to go apologise for Ayden but you are free to leave whenever you want” Lexa added and practically ran off out of the bedroom, not leaving any place for Clarke to talk, leaving the blonde alone and confused about everything Lexa just had said.

But if Clarke could have seen Lexa’s face, she would have understood the girl had ran away that quick not to hear Clarke say she was going to leave.

* * *

 

 In the living-room, Ayden was cuddled between Raven and Anya, watching cartoons. Lexa smiled, because despite what Anya had told her, there really was something going on between her and Raven. Lexa could say that just by the way Anya was looking at the other brunette, or the careful look she shot Raven every time she had to stand –probably to be sure Raven wouldn’t fall with her brace-. In the contrary, Lexa could see the awe look on Raven’s face written every time Anya would just look at her. It was kind of sweet to see. Maybe a little gross too, actually.

Lexa heard her cousin cough to bring her attention back from her thoughts. Ayden was looking at her suspiciously, not making any move to come see her or anything. Lexa took a careful step forwards, but when she leaned to took the boy’s hand in hers, Ayden got up and ran off to the spare bedroom where he had been sleeping sometimes.

Raven silently granted her permission to Lexa so she could go after him, and Lexa didn’t wait a minute to go into the other bedroom.

Ayden was lying on his back, arms crossed on his chest, pouting. If Lexa wasn’t that afraid to lose him, she would have certainly laughed at the boy’s behaviour.

“Ayden, I’m sorry for leaving like this earlier” Lexa started, not really knowing what she had to say.

“I’m sorry for Costia” he said, finally looking at the brunette. At his words, Lexa felt tears willing up in her eyes. She couldn’t cry. Not right now.

“I’m sorry for the friends you lost. But you promised me you would protect me” Ayden whimpered, suddenly wiping tears from his tiny cheeks with his sleeve.

Lexa’s heart broke again and she quickly got onto the bed, tugging him in her arms. “I’m so sorry Ayden, I really am” Lexa whispered in his ear, “but I would never leave you more than a few hours if I have a say in it. I’m sorry, I should have told you I was going to come back” Lexa murmured, but was surprised when the boy shrugged his shoulders.

“I knew you would come back. You live here.”

And it made Lexa chuckle, because it was one of the things she had told the boy.

“Beside, you love Mommy. I see it in your eyes. You would never leave her either” Ayden added, looking into shocked green eyes.

In Lexa’s mind, things were running fast. Too fast for her own brain to follow. Lexa never said she loved Clarke. She didn’t even know if she liked her in THAT way. (Of course the last phrase was a lie, because Lexa knew all too well what she was feeling for Clarke, duh).  

“But you broke a promise, Yexa. You said you would never. _Cwoix de bois cwoix de fer_ , you said.” Ayden whimpered again.

“I’m sorry, Ayden” Lexa said, because she didn’t know what else to say. Ayden hummed, and buried his face into the crock of Lexa’s neck. “I forgive you” he breathed, and Lexa brought him impossibly closer to her.

* * *

 

Suddenly, Lexa jolted awake; she didn’t even remember falling asleep. When had she fallen asleep? Ayden was still sleeping, and Lexa figured out they had both passed out by fatigue and emotions. Lexa then remembered she had told Clarke she could leave, but now, she wasn’t ready to know the answer. She got up and got out of the bedroom, to find an empty living-room but with a tree installed. It was not decorated yet, though; but someone had taken care of putting him here. She called her cousin a few times, only to discover five minutes later a note on the kitchen table:

_Lex,_

_Since Blondie Ayden and you are all taking a nap, Raven and I are going downtown to find new Christmas decorations for the tree. Yours are old as Mammoth._  

_PS: Raven said you had to look for the mistletoe._

Lexa smiled at the note. Wait, what? Why had she to look for the mistletoe anyways?

Lexa didn’t heard Clarke coming towards her, and jumped a little when she felt Clarke’s breath on her back.

“I’m sorry” Clarke whispered when the brunette turned around to face her, and Lexa understood she meant the apology for Costia. Lexa smiled at her, because she knew she would have understood Lexa’s feelings. They both leaned on each other’s foreheads.

Clarke then murmured something, and it was so low Lexa missed it.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“What if I don’t ever want to leave?” Clarke said again, barely more audible, like she was afraid Lexa was going to kick her out of the building.

Lexa’s heart exploded with joy and pure happiness. “Then you can stay here forever” Lexa answered in a whisper.

Their noses touched, slowly turning around each other, like they were doing some choreography or something. Clarke’s upper lip brushed Lexa’s, still not putting their lips together. Then, they both leaned a little bit, and Clarke kissed Lexa, putting everything into that kiss. First, Lexa didn’t move, too afraid it would scare Clarke off, but when she realised the blonde hadn’t make a move to leave, she responded quickly, leaning into Clarke, stealing her pretty lips into hers. Lexa brought a hand to Clarke’s cheek while her chest was exploding. She was kissing Clarke. Finally. _I love you_ , Lexa thought so hard she almost escaped the word. And that was too much for Lexa in one day, and the pieces of the wall she was still having crumbled down inside her.

A small tear then slowly rolled down Lexa’s cheeks, and Clarke felt it against her own skin. She gently stopped her kiss, planting one of Lexa’s forehead instead as she began to rock the now whimpering brunette against her. “Ssssh, it’s ok” Clarke murmured as Lexa was clinging hard to her, it’s all going to be ok. We are here”.

_We are all broken_ , Clarke thought, _but maybe we can hold on to each other_. Clarke kissed the brunette a few more times on her forehead, cheeks and nose to calm Lexa down, without seeing the little boy watching them from afar, a content smile on his angelic face.


	27. Christmas Presents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm baaaaaaaaaack! Sorry for the wait, but this one is the longest I've written so far I think! It's finally Christmas' night, what will happen? 
> 
> I know I don't say it enough, so THANK YOU for reading me, supporting me, waiting patiently for update and reviewing, it means a lot to an author, it makes up keep going! Also, thanks to all those who proposed their help for helping me with grammar and stuff, I'll make sure to exploit everyone of you aha lol ;D
> 
> Particular mention to Jemma who helped me with this chapter ;)
> 
> Enough talking, enjoy!

_Song : Something About December by Christina Perry_

**__ **

After Lexa’s little breakdown Clarke and her had taken a nap together, soon rejoined with Ayden who had awoken alone in the guest room, to be in shape for tonight’s dinner. After all, Santa was coming to Lexa’s loft on this very special night!

  _Lights around the tree_

_Mama’_ _s whistling_

_Takes me back again_

_There_ _’_ _s something bout_ _’ December_

The girls began to arrange the living-room, trying to calculate how many chairs they would need. Monty, Jasper, Harper, Emori, Maya and Murphy wouldn’t be there; they were celebrating Christmas with other friends from work, knowing it would have been too many people for Clarke to handle; they hadn’t seen her yet anyways.

The only problem was that Bellamy; Raven, Octavia and Lincoln would be there, Clarke trusted them and she had already seen them since “the incident”, but Bellamy was going to be there too and Clarke had no idea how to handle him. She was hoping Bellamy would be nice, but with him, there was no way to be sure. He did listen to Clarke’s wishes for him not to approach her too soon though, and he had respected that, but Clarke knew all too well how he could respond to Ayden and Lexa’s interaction. Those two were great together, but the thing was Bellamy had always considered himself like a kind of second father to Ayden.

Not by pretension or because he wished to be with Clarke, but because since Ayden’s birth Finn hadn’t really been there for her or the child, so Bellamy had helped Clarke many times, to educate her son and take care of him . Clarke was sure he was going to blow things up when he saw how Lexa interacted with Ayden.

That was making her nervous, and of course Lexa sensed it.

“Clarke, is everything ok?” Lexa carefully asked, not sure if she had read the tension in the blonde well or if it was something her mind had made up.

“Yeah” Clarke sighed, “I’m just a little worried about Bellamy”.

“Octavia’s older brother” Lexa stated, recognizing the name, “the cop”.

Clarke nodded, and Lexa wondered why this guy Bellamy could bring trouble. Who was he to Clarke? A friend? A good friend? An ex boyfriend? Someone who wished to date Clarke but could never because of Finn?

Lexa’s brain was hurting from all this thinking. Besides she didn’t know how to think about someone wishing to be with Clarke. It was making her kind of... jealous? Lexa shook her head because she couldn’t be jealous. Clarke’s wasn’t hers, or anyone’s actually. But the kiss... The kiss they had shared an hour ago, what did it meant?

Of course Lexa knew they were both totally NOT ready to be with each other, or even start something. Clarke was still waiting for Finn’s trial so it was not the right time, but Lexa couldn’t stop her mind to wonder if, maybe, the kiss was more than a reassuring kiss.

And as the girls were dressing the table, they could not stop throwing little smiles at each other and steal quick looks. Maybe this was the beginning of something....?

_We_ _’_ _re hanging mistletoe_

_And hoping that it snows_

_I close my eyes and then_

_I can still remember_

_How to get back, home_

* * *

 

Anya and Raven were still in the mall, looking for decorations; Anya was beginning to huff, Raven was literally dragging her to every shop she would see.

“Come on Anya, move your lazy ass!” Raven shouted, “You have a disabled leg or what?” Raven added with a smirk on her face, and Anya couldn’t do anything but smile at the girl.

_Let all your memories_

_Hold you close_

_No matter where you are_

_You're not alone_

_Because the ones you love_

_Are never far if Christmas is in your heart_

Anya didn't have many friends. She was not pushing friends down, like Lexa would sometimes do, but Anya had a strong personality, and it was sometimes too much to handle for some people. But apparently, Raven was handling it very well. She was pushing every one of Anya’s buttons, and Anya had to say, she was admiring the girl in some way -she would rather die than repeat that to Raven, though-, because Raven was so... Raven. Anya chuckled while looking at the brunette, clapping her hands in front of every Christmas decorations like a kid. This girl was a total mystery to Anya; she had never heard her complain; about anything. She didn’t know how she could be like this, but Raven was a ball of energy, joy and good Ora as well as bad and lame jokes.

“Anya!” Raven shouted again, taking Anya out of her thoughts, quickly going to Raven.

“Look, what about we take those?” Raven asked, showing Anya some glass Christmas balls.

“But there’re simple” Anya raised her brow; those balls were really simple, and it was absolutely not Raven’s style to be simple.

Of course the brunette had a smirk rising on her face. “You’ll see later. We are taking those”, Raven answered, already heading towards someone to pay.

Anya chuckled again, and almost face-palmed herself for chuckling this much over Raven. What was going on with her?

Once outside the shop, but still in the mall, Raven suddenly tugged at Anya’s sleeve, showing her something with her –beautiful- finger.

“Anya look, Santa is here!” Raven said with a big smile on her face, making Anya laugh at the girl, “Come on we are going to take a picture with him!” Raven added.

If Anya had laughed, she was certainly not laughing right now, as Raven was dragging her towards the guy dressed as Santa. “Raven come on, we can’t...” Anya tried to protest, her eyes widening when she saw that Raven was dead serious about taking a picture.

“COME ON, it will be fun!” Raven insisted, tugging Anya even harder. Anya sighed, and a minute later, she was sat on the guy’s lap next to Raven. How the fuck did I find myself in this position? Anya asked herself, and then Raven laughed at something the man had said, Anya told herself it wasn’t so bad after all.

“Anya smile, you big party popper!” Raven said, laughing at her.

And Anya genuinely smiled as Raven was such a funny woman to be around. A few minutes later they were both laughing their asses off, making weird positions with Santa and the people around them. Soon the entire mall was filled with laughter and smiles on everyone's faces.

_Who really needs a gift_

_When love is meant to give_

_I can still recall_

_Carry with me always_

_Every Christmas dream_

_They live in you and me_

* * *

 

In the Blakes’ apartment, Lincoln, Octavia and Bellamy were getting ready to go to Lexa’s. Actually, Octavia and Lincoln were, Bellamy was just pacing in the living-room, his brain fuming from hard reflexion.

“Bell for god’s sake will you please just STOP?” Octavia snapped at her brother.

The man huffed and dropped himself onto the couch. Clearly, something was going on in his mind. “What is it?” Octavia asked.

“Clarke should be here for Christmas” Bellamy huffed again, “we should be celebrating Christmas here instead of being at a stranger’s place”.

Octavia suddenly took him by the collar of his shirt, locking her eyes into his. “Listen to me very carefully big brother; there’s a reason why Clarke trusts Lexa more than us. I don’t know why, but this is how things are for now. So either you accept it and come with us to see Ayden and Clarke, or you keep your head stuck in your ass and stay here.”

Bellamy swallowed, because now that his sister was in Indra’s special team, she was getting scarier every day and the man wasn’t sure he could still win in a fight against his younger sister. He tried to remove himself from her embrace, but Octavia tightened her grip on his collar.

“I’m not done. If over there, you do or say ANYTHING misplaced, I will throw you out of the house myself. Clarke makes her own decisions. You won’t impose your thoughts on her way of dealing with all that shit.”

“I got it, O” Bellamy said, lightly pushing his sister off of him.

Octavia nodded, and disappeared into the bathroom to apply her make-up. Still on the couch, Bellamy sighed, readjusting his shirt. Lincoln; ready to go, sat down near him.

“You saw Clarke” Bellamy said, “Is it really better for her to be with Lexa?” he asked, still unsure if it really was a good thing for Clarke. 

“I think so” Lincoln said, a sympathetic smile on his face, “She’s different over there, you know?” Lincoln added, “Without the weight of responsibilities and stuff. It suits her. I think Ayden is happier too”.

Bellamy nodded, he knew all too well how hard it was to carry the responsibilities Clarke had carried from day 1. It wasn’t fair, to let Clarke carry everything; but sadly, she was the best at it so far.

“So she’ll never come back?” Bellamy then asked. He wasn’t a stupid guy; he figured there was a chance Clarke would not come back to live with them but the thought of that was already breaking his heart. Clarke was his best friend; he was a kind of hot-headed guy, and when things got tough Clarke had always been there to take over. He couldn’t loose her.

“I never said that. Maybe she’ll come back, maybe not, but either way, it’s her decision to make” Lincoln answered, sighing at the same time as Bellamy. Even Lincoln knew how much they were relaying on the blonde.

“Ok guys, ready to go?” Octavia asked, heading out of the bathroom. The boys nodded and got into Lincoln’s car.

* * *

 

Clarke was smiling at her phone’s screen.

**Jasper: Merry Christmas to all of you, love ya all!!**

**Monty: the guy is already drunk don** **’** **t pay attention guys**

**Jasper: Am not**

**Harper: You totally are**

**Murphy: Monty did his moonshine again**

**Raven: Oh I see why Jasper is drunk now**

**Jasper: Am not, stop it evry one of yu**

**Octavia: dude you** **’** **re not writing well, you** **’re drunk**

**Octavia: It** **’** **s not even six pm!**

Clarke chucked; she couldn’t blame Jasper for being drunk so soon though; Monty’s moonshine was really bad. When the plane had crashed, she had even used it as disinfectant to take care of a wound not to mention to sterilize everything.

**Maya: Don’** **t worry** **‘** **bout Jasper, I** **’** **ll handle him**

**Emori: You** **’** **re the only one who knows how!**

**Octavia: Agree with Emori**

Clarke laughed this time, because it was totally true; Maya was the ONLY one able to reason with Jasper; one day, she had even made him wash the dishes, something he had never done in front of the others. Needless to say they had stayed voiceless for a few seconds watching him doing it like it was nothing.

Clarke’s laugh had drained Lexa’s attention. “Why are you laughing?” Lexa asked, curious.

“My friends are idiots” Clarke chuckled, turning the screen a little so Lexa –who had got closer to the blonde - could see the conversation.

**Clarke: Leave Jasper in peace, it** **’** **s Christmas night after all!**

**Jasper: Clarke I love yu, I hope you** **’** **ll marry me one daay**

**Maya: behave... ;)**

**Monty: Merry Christmas to Ayden and you Clarke, hope we** **’** **ll see you soon!**

**Clarke: thanks, you too Monty, and soon I promise**!

Clarke’s last text made Lexa smile, because Clarke was talking a lot more to her friends, and that was a huge step forwards. Besides, if Clarke was talking more and more to her friends, it meant she would open herself more to Lexa too, and Lexa couldn’t wait.

**Octavia: Clarke we** **’** **re on the way**

**Clarke: okay!**

**Bellamy: I made a chocolate cake, your favourite**

 Lexa raised a brow at this; she didn’t know Clarke’s favourite cake was a chocolate one. Was it not weird to eat a cake at Christmas? Then, she saw Clarke smile at her phone, and this brought a hint of jealousy to Lexa; she would have to watch this man carefully. Just to be sure he didn’t hurt Clarke of course. (Of course she wasn’t fooling anyone, was she?)

* * *

 

The front door shot open, and Lexa frowned because it was far too soon for Octavia, Bellamy and Lincoln to be here. Then, she saw Raven and Anya entering the loft, what she saw left her in complete shock; Anya and Raven were laughing their asses off, and there was no doubt that if they could roll themselves on the floor laughing, they totally would. Raven was showing something on her phone to Anya, whilst trying not to drop the things she was carrying whilst laughing even more.

Clarke and Lexa were now starring at them like they were aliens; the two girls seemed oblivious to the public stood in the loft, watching them. Finally, Ayden kicked in ; “Hey, why are you laughing aunty Raven?”

Raven and Anya got out of their bubble, and Raven slowly approached Ayden, wearing a smirk on her face. “We met Santa, in the mall” she whispered to the kid, as if it was a big secret.

Ayden’s eyes widened as his mouth was shaped into a “o” form. “No way!!”

“Yes way!” Anya said, taking Raven’s phone and showing the pictures they had taken to the boy. They made Clarke and Lexa burst into laughers, they would never have imagined Raven and Anya together, taking pictures with Santa Claus.

“But if he was here to take pictures with you, he’s going to be late to drop gifts!” Ayden pouted.

“Oh no he won’t”, Raven said, “because he has a magic sleigh” she added, still whispering. Ayden nodded, and went to help Anya unpack the decorations out of their bags.

Clarke raised a brow at Raven, the Christmas balls she had bought seemed too simple, and Clarke was kind of expecting them to explode or something.

“Don’t worry Princess!” Raven shouted while helping Ayden and Anya, “nothing dangerous!”

Lexa then raised a brow at Clarke. “Princess?”

Clarke waved her off, annoyed by the fact that Raven had called her that, “long story”.

Lexa didn’t insist. She had learnt not to. Clarke would tell her when she was ready, and there was no rush. Lexa was ok with taking it slow.

The door bell rang, Lexa got up to open the door to Octavia, Lincoln and Bellamy. Octavia had a big smile on her face as Ayden was coming to greet her; something he hadn’t done for a long time.

“Otavia, Raven said she saw Santa!” The boy said, raising his arms for Octavia to pick him up. The kid was five, he still had trouble pronouncing Octavia’s name properly, but it was kind of sweet.

“Oh she did?” Octavia raised a brow, while Raven was showing her the pictures of Anya and her sitting on Santa’s lap.

Octavia was kind of amused, because despite Raven’s funny facade, she could see right through her; the mechanic had a thing for Anya, that was so obvious it was hurting Octavia’s eyes.

* * *

 

Lincoln went to help Lexa get the food ready, and the moment Clarke feared the most happened. Bellamy was standing right in front of her, starring at her. Not in a bad way; it was more like he was testing the water. In the kitchen, Lexa was tense too and was keeping a very close eye on the boy. She had to say, he was pretty good-looking. And muscular.

Bellamy took a step forward towards the blonde, still testing her to see if she would run away or not. But Clarke wasn’t moving; she was still waiting for Bellamy’s reaction. Would he get mad at her? Would he scream?

But to her surprise, he didn’t do any of that. He closed the distance between them, and pulled her into a big hug. Clarke was startled at first, as everyone's eyes were on them, but then she reciprocated the hug, burying her nose into his neck. Lexa stiffened a little, because she wasn’t totally comfortable with Bellamy being that close. What if it was making Clarke uncomfortable? What if the blonde panics? Lexa shook her head as Clarke seemed fine. In fact, she was even looking like she needed it, and Lexa was jealous, for not being able to do that herself.

“Stop killing my brother with your eyes” Octavia whispered to Lexa, and Lexa almost dropped the knife she was holding on the floor.

“I am not” Lexa murmured back.

“Yeah” Octavia smirked, of course she didn’t believe Lexa, “don’t worry, if he hurts Clarke, I'll be the first one on the punching him in the face list”.

Octavia went to talk with Raven, and Lexa couldn’t do anything but smile at the girl’s words. Lexa wasn’t really at ease here, with all of these strangers, but it was making Clarke happy. For Clarke, she could handle being around anyone. Even this Bellamy guy.

The two of them were still hugging. “I’ve missed you, Princess” Bellamy whispered in her ear, and Clarke smiled in his neck, a relieved tear rolling down her cheek. Bellamy was the brother she never had. He was the father she no longer had, and the best friend she could ever have wished for. Bellamy tightened his hold on her, feeling Clarke’s tears on his skin.

“Don’t worry, everything is going to be ok” he murmured again while slowly stroking her back. Clarke lightly nodded, relieved he didn’t go mad. But then, she felt something tugging at her sleeve and broke the hug.

Ayden was looking at them with watery eyes.

“Why you crying, Mommy?” he asked, his lower lip shaking, “it’s Christmas, you can’t cry!”

 Bellamy and Clarke laughed, and the black-haired boy lifted him in his arms. “She doesn’t cry, look, those are happy tears because we are together again!” Bellamy told the kid, while Clarke was nodding at his words. 

Ayden then smiled, clapping his hands. He would still like Lexa better, but he loved Bellamy too. After all, Bellamy was more of a father to him than Finn! Bellamy had never raised his voice to him, or hit him the way Finn did. Bellamy had never hurt his mommy. That was made him a good guy, right?

“Ok people, time to open gifts!” Raven then said, bringing the attention back on the Christmas tree, where herself and Anya had discretely put the gifts under.

Ayden’s eyes widened while he was moving in Bellamy’s arms so he would drop him to the floor, “yeeeees Santa came! I didn’t even see him!”

Everyone laughed at the boy who was running towards the Christmas tree. “Careful Ayden” Octavia said, “You can only open the ones with your name on!"

Ayden frankly nodded, already looking for gifts with his name on. Then, Raven did something, and the Christmas tree was suddenly full of light; she had put small light bulb on the glass Christmas balls, now lighting the room with green, red and golden lights.

Everyone clapped, it was super pretty and beautiful and Christmas magic was finally embracing them all.

Ayden had already opened one of his gifts; it was a police car, a small replica from the real one Bellamy had when he was on duty. The boy shrieked when he saw the car, and ran towards Anya to show her his present. “Look Anya look, this way we can do car races together!” he said excitedly while Anya was laughing. The kid thanked Bellamy for asking Santa to bring this to him, and went back to open more gifts.

Octavia then approached Clarke with Raven, and the both of them had big smirks on their faces. Clarke raised a brow as those two were surely up to no good.

Octavia then handed Clarke a gift she had hid behind her back. “This is from Raven and I” Octavia said, “I know it matters a lot to you”.

Clarke’s eyes widened, but she hadn’t expected the girls to offer her something. She carefully took the present and unwrapped it; tears immediately formed in her eyes when she saw what the present was. They had gotten her a full case with drawing pens, the same ones her father had first gotten her when she started to draw.

“I... Thank you, I...” Clarke stuttered, not knowing what to say.

“Oh come here you sap” Raven laughed, bringing Clarke into a girl hug with Octavia. The girls laughed at how Raven was hiding her own tears in her watery brown eyes.

“Thank you” Clarke whispered in their embrace, feeling like she really had people to support her, “but I’ve got nothing to offer you...”

Clarke was feeling bad, because she hadn’t gotten the girls anything.

“You allowed us to see you. It was our gift” Raven said, dead serious. Clarke nodded, and then broke the hug, Clarke with stars in her eyes at the pens she had received.

_Let all your memories_

_Hold you close_

_No matter where you are_

_You're not alone_

_Because the ones you love_

_Are never far_

_If Christmas is in your heart_

Then Lincoln offered Octavia his gift; it was a beautiful bracelet with a phrase engraved it; _ge smak daun, gyon op nodotaim_. Octavia soon had tears in her eyes too; this was her and Lincoln’s phrase; get knocked down, get back up, something he had told her when she was having a hard time, a phrase she had said back to him when he wanted to quit everything.

Bellamy then gave Octavia a jacket for her training; it wasn’t any jacket, it was Bellamy’s, the first jacket he had worn whilst in the police, and the one he had worn when he swore his loyalty to her and to always stand by her side, no matter what.

Bellamy and Lincoln had offered Clarke some canvas to go with Raven and Octavia’s gift. Anya had offered her cousin a new case for work, because Lexa’s was now very old and used, Lexa had gotten her the travel bag Anya had always wanted. Octavia had gotten her brother some t-shirts. Ayden had gotten multiple toys, no one had wanted to go back to Finn and Clarke’s house to take the few toys he had there. New life, new toys, right?

The boy was now fully dressed as some superhero, sparring with Octavia, both holding plastic swords. It was really funny to watch them, and suddenly everyone was shouting encouragements at them.

Then, they eat all together, making jokes and laughing, all in joy and happiness. Even Clarke was fully laughing, but sat next to her; Lexa could see that sometimes Clarke’s smile wasn’t reaching her ears. There was still a lot of darkness in the blonde, Lexa kept her eyes on the girl all night, searching for the moment it would all become too much for the her.

* * *

 

Slowly the meal came to an end, it was time for everyone to go back home. Raven and Octavia were saying goodbye to Anya and Ayden, and Bellamy used the opportunity to get close to Clarke.

“Hey Princess” he said. Clarke smiled back, waiting for him to talk.

“We cleaned your apartment, back in Arcadia. You can come back to live in it now” he said with a tiny smile.

Clarke gritted her teeth, because she knew this moment would come. “Bellamy listen I...” she started, but Bellamy didn’t let her finish her sentence.

“I know Clarke, I wasn’t saying you should come back now, I just wanted you to know that when you’re ready, we are ready over there too; to have you back” he said again, a genuine smile on his face. 

Clarke smiled back, relieved he didn’t try to convince or force her to go back and live in Arcadia. “Thanks, Bell” she murmured, hugging him.

“Anything, Princess” he answered back, reciprocating the hug.

Lexa had watched the entire thing, almost jumping in when she had seen Clarke clench her teeth. But then, she had seen her smile and hug the boy, and Lexa had relaxed herself. Clarke was ok. Lexa could accept the boy’s presence because at the end of the day, Clarke would still be here, with Ayden, in her loft. Not with Bellamy. Not with any of them. Just Lexa, Clarke and Ayden.

Finally, everyone left and surprisingly Lexa saw Anya and Raven getting into Anya’s car together. Those two were definitely up to something and it was weird, Anya didn’t like to have friends. She would rather spend her life alone than with people around her, but with Raven, she was different. She looked different. Lexa smiled, thinking of her cousin being all smiley.

* * *

 

Clarke picked up Ayden from the couch, where he had fallen asleep while the adults were finishing conversations and headed to the door, she hesitated with the boy on her arms. What was she supposed to do? Put him into Lexa’s bedroom? Into the spare room?

Lexa saw the hesitation, and gestured for Clarke to put the sleeping boy in her own bedroom. They had slept together for a while now, why would that change?

Lexa was washing the dishes as Clarke came back from the bedroom. The blonde leaned on the counter, simply watching Lexa. “What?” Lexa asked, raising her brow at the blonde while wiping her hands.

“Nothing”, Clarke smiled back. There was something about Lexa though, something she couldn’t explain. “Thank you for doing this tonight” Clarke gestured at the room to Lexa, “it felt good to see them”.

Lexa nodded with a smile. “You’re welcome”.

Lexa held out her hand for Clarke to take, the blonde raising her brows at her but taking the hand in hers, letting Lexa guide her towards a console in the living-room. Lexa let go of Clarke’s hand –who was soon missing the brunette’s- to pick up a small present from it, and handed it to Clarke.

“I got something for you” Lexa said, answering at the silent question Clarke was asking with her surprised eyes. The blonde took the gift and unwrapped the box; a tear fell on her cheek when she saw what it was. Lexa had given her a key and Clarke knew all to well which door it would open; Lexa’s. _I love you_ , Clarke’s heart was screaming.

“You must be tired of waiting for me to come back every day” Lexa began to explain, rambling a little, “so now you can go do shopping or take a walk with Ayden when I’m at work or...” but Lexa didn’t finish her sentence because Clarke was running away from her heading for the bedroom.

“Clarke,” Lexa called her, suddenly panicked, why was Clarke running away, what had she done?, “Clarke please come ba...” And Lexa didn’t finish this sentence either, because Clarke was back in the living-room, something wrapped in her hands.

“I got something for you too” Clarke then smiled. Lexa took the present, tearing the decorated paper off. Her eyes widened. It was a frame, with a picture in it. But not just any picture, it was THEIR pictures; the first one they had taken, Ayden Clarke and her, after the dance party, the one Lexa had on her wallpaper for her phone. Lexa slowly pressed her fingers on the glass, not knowing what to say. They had both taken a great step in each other’s direction. Clarke was kind of officially living here, and Lexa was fully accepted into the family of three.

“Clarke, I...” Lexa began, feeling overwhelmed by her emotions for the blonde.

“I know” Clarke whispered back, taking a step closer to the brunette.

Lexa didn’t dare to move, because she knew well not to scare the girl away. Clarke took away the frame, putting in on the console next to Clarke’s new key, and put her hand on Lexa’s cheek, slowly drawing circles on it. Clarke then leaned forward, putting her lips on Lexa’s.

The brunette didn’t wait to reciprocate this time, and when they broke the kiss, they were smiling at each other like idiots. “Merry Christmas, Lexa” Clarke whispered before Lexa was kissing Clarke again.

“Come on” Lexa said, taking Clarke’s hand in hers, and leading her towards their bedroom for a much needed night sleep.

 

_Lights around the tree_

_Mama's whistling_

_Takes me back again_

_There's something bout' December_

_Let all your memories_

_Hold you close_

_No matter where you are_

_You're not alone_

_Because the ones you love_

_Are never far_

_If Christmas is in your heart_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm soon out of songs to give you, maybe you have one in mind I could use, to write a chapter about it? and also, if you have any requests, please just tell me ;)


	28. How Are You Still Holding On?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so FIRST, sorry for the time it took to update, but ya know, it was my "go back to school" week so a lot happened! Also, I think I'm going to write smaller chapters, (around 2500words, like I was doing on the first chapters) to be able to update more often! Longer chapters take too much time, and I rather split them in two so you can have more frequent updates :)
> 
> Thank you for all the reviews and comments I'm getting, I'm always trying to answer to all of them, keep going you are all amazing!
> 
> A SPECIAL THANK YOU to my American friend Megan who helped me with this chapter, correcting it and stuff :)

_Song : One Day by Kodaline_

Sunday morning 4am, and Clarke was screaming into the bed’s sheets, tossing and turning like she was possessed or something. Lexa jolted awake because the blonde was kicking her in her back.

“Clarke wake up it’s a dream!” Lexa tried to wake her up, failing. Lexa didn’t take long to think of something. Ayden was here, and there was no way Lexa would let Clarke wake the boy up with her screams.

Lexa picked up Clarke, trying not to drop her as Clarke continued to fight to be released in her sleep. The brunette practically ran to the bathroom with Clarke in her arms. She got into the bathtub with Clarke in her arms.

“Clarke you have to wake up!” Lexa shouted again but Clarke was still asleep, trapped in her night terror.

Lexa sat in the bathtub, holding Clarke against her, she turned on the cold water. Lexa almost screamed when the ice cold water hit her. As soon as the water hit the girls, Clarke jolted awake, throwing her arms in the air, probably very disoriented.

“Clarke you’re ok, I’ve got you” Lexa said, running a hand through blonde locks and turning the water back onto hot so they wouldn’t get sick.

Clarke’s eyes were glancing everywhere, as panic swept through her mind. Where is she, what happened, why is she in the bathtub, who is this person pressed into her?

_One day it’s here and then it’s gone_  
How are you still holding on?  
How are you still holding on? 

“Clarke you had a nightmare, I’m sorry, I had to wake you up” Lexa apologized, and Clarke burst into tears when she recognized the voice. Lexa. She was with Lexa. Lexa was here. What she had seen a few minutes ago had only been a dream. She was safe. Lexa’s heart broke at the sight of Clarke completely broken, her body racked by sobs. “Clarke please, don’t cry, everything’s ok...” Lexa whispered, her own tears threatening to fall down.

_You felt this way for far too long_  
Waiting for a change to come  
You know you’re not the only one

Lexa brought Clarke impossibly closer, trying to melt them into one. Clarke clenched Lexa’s shirt into her fists, holding onto her for dear life, as she was crying her eyes out. When had her life become like this? How long before the nightmares stop? She felt Lexa embrace her in strong arms, as warm water was soon soaking her clothes.

“Try to breathe, Clarke” Lexa whispered to the girl, taking deep breaths through her nose, counting “one...two...three…” and releasing it out her mouth for Clarke to mimic, “yeah, keep breathing” she encouraged Clarke as she was imitating her, “that’s good, keep breathing like this.”

As Clarke was slowly calming down, she was snuggling more and more into Lexa’s body, her body finally starting to relax, and Lexa didn’t dare stop her calming motions on Clarke’s back.

_And life... Passes you by  
Don’t be waste your time, on your own_

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Lexa shook Clarke slowly, because the girl was falling asleep on top of Lexa, and the bath was getting cold, but Clarke tightened her grip on the brunette, making her frown. “I’m right here, but we have to get out of the tub or we’ll get sick” Lexa said, and Clarke looked up at her with blue eyes, taking Lexa’s breath away.

“Lexa, I...” Clarke started, her voice still hoarse from all the crying.

“You don’t have to say anything.” Lexa whispered, “It’s ok. I’m here.”

Clarke nodded, and Lexa wiped the last tears from the blonde’s cheeks. Lexa then tucked a blonde lock behind Clarke’s ear, while blue eyes were still locked with green. Clarke’s heart was melting for the brunette; Lexa was so selfless, so focused on her that Clarke felt like Lexa was the answer to everything. She already was, for a lot of things; after all, Lexa had been the one to get them off of the cold streets, the one to make Ayden feel safe enough to open himself up to adults again, and even Clarke was slowly back to her older shiny self around Lexa.  

_You’re always trying to see yourself_  
Through the eyes of someone else  
Through the eyes of someone else

Lexa saw the thoughts written across Clarke’s face, and slowly cupped Clarke’s face in her hands, gently caressing the skin with her thumbs. Then, their nose brushed against each other, the same way they did before their first kiss. Clarke leaned a bit more, brushing Lexa’s lips, and Lexa finally closed the few remaining centimetres keeping her apart from the blonde’s lips, and kissed the girl. The kiss was slow, gentle and careful as if one of them was going to run away or break under it. But in that kiss, they were both expressing so many things the air around them was intoxicated with feelings. Intoxicated by the care Lexa was giving the blonde, by the reassurance she was offering, and Clarke with all the trust, love, affection and respect she had for the brunette.

_Too shy to say that you need help_  
You and everybody else  
You and everybody else

“Come on,” Lexa whispered slowly breaking the kiss, “let’s get out of here.” She got up and helped Clarke get out of the tub. Lexa wrapped Clarke in a towel and went to get dry clothes. She helped the blonde get dressed, because Clarke still had some injuries keeping her from doing some moves, and went to take a nap to catch some sleep.

* * *

 

 Except sleep didn’t come, and the girls stayed awake, Clarke almost on top of Lexa, while the brunette was drawing small circles on the blonde’s back. Clarke could almost hear Lexa thinking, though.

“What is it?” Clarke murmured.

Lexa lifted her head so she could meet Clarke’s eyes. “Nothing, why?”

Clarke smiled, because she knew that Lexa was hiding something. “I can hear you thinking. What’s going on in that head of yours?”

It was Lexa’s turn to smile, because she was impressed with Clarke’s ability to read her so well. “I was wondering about things.”

“What things?”

“Things about my past. Your past. I have so many questions, there’s so much I don’t know about you, and it’s makes me sad sometimes” Lexa sighed, defeated.

“Sad why?” Clarke asked, because she was surprised by what Lexa was telling her.

“Sad that I can’t help you get better” Lexa whispered, her heart breaking at the thought, “sad that I don’t know what is terrifying you like this. I’m feeling... useless”.

Clarke then positioned herself to get a better look at Lexa. “Listen to me” Clarke murmured, gently lifting Lexa’s chin to make the brunette look at her, “You’re doing so many things already”, Clarke whispered again, “I don’t know what would have happened to Ayden and I if you hadn’t been here”.

“But...” Lexa wanted to protest. Clarke was still having nightmares every night. Ayden would still cry when she was coming home late from work, thinking she abandoned him. Clarke was still afraid to go on a walk by the streets without Lexa by her side. There was so much more Lexa could do to make them feel better, but she had no ideas how.

“There’s no buts” Clarke cut her off. The blonde sighed, and look down at their hands, taking one of Lexa’s in hers. “I want to tell you about myself” Clarke murmured, still not looking at Lexa, “but if I do, I’ll no longer be a stranger to you, and you’ll see me as I really am, and I don’t like that person very much”.

Clarke had stilled her head, looking down in shame. She had done horrible things, in her past. Terrible things, even if it was for her people, to protect the ones she loved. After the plane crash, she had killed multiple people to protect the group. She had made very difficult decisions, in their names. It didn’t make her actions good, though. There was no excuse. She had to do the things she had done, but it didn’t mean they were good.

“Clarke”, Lexa then said, lifting Clarke’s chin like the girl had done a few minutes earlier, “you never were a stranger to me”, Lexa offered with a simple smile, “and nothing you could tell me will change the way I already see you”.

_Oh, life passes you by_  
Don’t waste your time  
On your own

Clarke nodded, and swallowed. It was now 5:30am, it was too early for deep discussions, weren’t those supposed to happen late at night? But she did want to tell Lexa about Finn, about her mother, about everything that had happened since her life had turned into a living hell. She wanted to explain to Lexa why she had been on the streets, why she was having nightmares every night.

“I... I don’t know where to start” Clarke huffed, furious with herself; she had so many things to say and yet she couldn’t phrase anything.

“Take your time”, Lexa reassured her, squeezing her hand, “why don’t you start with Finn?” the brunette suggested.

Clarke nodded, taking comfort, support and bravery in Lexa’s touch. “I met Finn during high school. I was new to the school, because we had just moved to the city, and I didn’t have many friends. Actually I did have one friend, Wells, but that is another story” Clarke paused, not wanting to mix everything in her explanations, “so one day, as I was eating my lunch alone, and this black-haired guy came up to me, asking if he could sit with me. His name was Finn”.

Lexa smiled at the blonde, encouraging her to continue.                                         

“I said yes, because what else was I supposed to do? And then, he did so every lunch for a whole month. We became friends, close friends, and he introduced me to his group; there was Octavia, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Monroe, Murphy, Atom, and more people from the school” Clarke said while remembering all the people she used to hang with, “We all used to hang out together. One day, at a party, we met Bellamy, Octavia’s older brother –you met him already-, and at the same party, Finn... Finn kissed me.”

Clarke made a pause, trying to figure the best way to explain their relationship, because it was so messy and everything was a mess in her head. Then again, Lexa didn’t say anything and waited until Clarke was ready to speak again.

“We ended up sleeping together, that night” Clarke murmured, because it was the last day before everything became complicated. “The next day, a brunette was knocking at my door, and before I could ask her name, she had already punched me in the face so hard I was lying on the ground for a couple of seconds” Clarke chuckled at the memory. “Turned out Raven was Finn’s girlfriend, who I was totally not aware of, who Finn thought he was never going to see again. After that day, I stopped dating Finn, because Raven went to the same school as us, and Finn and I avoided each other for several months. Well,” Clarke snorted, “I was avoiding him”.

Lexa smiled again, because she had never heard Clarke talk so much, and she was glad she was here to listen to the blonde’s beautiful voice.

_Yeah life passes you by_  
Don’t be wasting your time  
All alone

“But then slowly, Raven and he drifted apart, and a couple of months later, I was back to dating Finn. At first, it was weird because Raven was a part of the group, and I didn’t like being with Finn in front of her, but ultimately Raven and I both got used to it” Clarke smiled, “She’s one of my best friends now”.  

Lexa nodded, because that was true; those three with Octavia had a special connection, Lexa had seen it multiples times when they had been here.

“But then, I... We all fight with our respective parents” Clarke said, not ready to tell her father’s story yet, “for multiples reasons, and two weeks later, we were all together in a plane to go on holiday, on a trip organised by the school. We even managed to make Bellamy coming with us!”

Lexa frowned, because she was feeling like things hadn’t go as planned.

“But... There was something about the plane, a major defect, and the plane crashed into an unknown place; two of us died because of the crash”, Clarke said shivering at the thought, “and slowly, we learned we were not alone, and we fought to survive until finally people found us”.

Lexa couldn’t stop herself from embracing Clarke into her arms. She couldn’t bare the fact of Clarke being alone surrounded by danger, even hurt. “With Bellamy”, Clarke continued, “We did our best to keep them all alive, but from the one hundred people on that plane, we lost so many...”

Clarke’s voice was slowly breaking, because she hadn’t talk about it like this, with anyone. Of course sometimes someone in the group was mentioning it, but they had never talked about it, describing it, telling about what had happened to someone not from the group. And Clarke had to say, the more she was talking, the more her chest was feeling less heavy.

_As your heart gets bigger_  
And you try to figure out  
What’s it all about

“Atom died from something strange, it burned him to the bone. Another boy took an axe right to his face. Jasper had a spear stuck in his chest. Raven took a bullet, it’s stuck in her spine. That’s why she has a brace to help her walk” Clarke explained; Lexa hadn’t asked the question, but the blonde knew the brunette had been very curious about it.

“Then people found us, but life was never the same. The plane incident changed a lot of us, even the most peaceful of us. We came back, and decided to live here, in the same building, all together, close to each other.”

Lexa nodded again, because she already knew they were all living close to each other.

“But the neighbourhood is full of violence, and we had a hard time living there too. Remember my friend, Wells? He was shot to death near our building. Monroe died trying to protect us.”

Lexa was clenching her teeth, angry about everything Clarke was telling her. Such a girl didn’t deserve a life like this. It wasn’t fair.

“And Finn changed, too. First, he became more violent, not dealing very well with people around us dying, and one day, I...” Clarke trailed off.

Lexa immediately calmed herself, knowing Clarke needed her support, not her anger. “One day, while I was working at the hospital, I was late to come home, like five or six hours late, and everyone was worried, and... And Finn didn’t take it well. He got crazy, and threatened the local drug dealer for having kidnapped me”.

Lexa’s eyes widened, because she didn’t know there was any drugs dealers around Clarke’s place. Where was she living anyways? But Lexa didn’t think about it more as Clarke was speaking again.

“He got mad, and he... He shot people. Killed them on spot.” A tear was rolling down Clarke’s cheek, and Lexa was quick to bury the girl into her arms.

“He was never the same after that, and I started to fear him; he wasn’t the man I knew” Clarke murmured, “but then I learned I was pregnant, and it was obviously Finn’s, and he asked me to move into a bigger house, and what was I supposed to say? I couldn’t raise a child by myself, and I couldn’t keep Finn away from his child either” Clarke explained.

Lexa’s heart was hurting for the blonde, knowing how hard that must have been.

“And soon Ayden was born, and he... It was like he didn’t care” Clarke whispered, so low Lexa almost missed the end of the sentence, “he was never there. He started drinking. And he started to get angry. Like, really angry.”

Clarke didn’t have to say much and Lexa understood that this is when Finn had started to beat Clarke up, and it was making her sick.

_And your skin gets thicker_  
As you try to figure out  
What’s it all about

“And I don’t know how I could have been so blind, I could have ran away a thousand times from him, but I...” Clarke trailed off again, angry tears falling from blue eyes, “I was always telling myself he was going to calm down.”

Lexa brought the girl impossibly closer to her; she wished she could absorb all of Clarke’s pain and carry it herself.

“But one night, he... It was too much” Clarke continued, “He was throwing everything he could find at me, and this day, I thought I was going to die” Clarke whispered, “He told me he was going to hurt Ayden. So I ran away in the middle of the night with Ayden. I had already done it once, but this time, I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay away from him. And two weeks later, you...”

“That is when I found you” Lexa finished for her. Against her chest, Clarke was fully crying now, and Lexa couldn’t stop a few tears from escaping her own eyes. “I’m here now, you’re safe, he will never hurt you again” Lexa whispered, rocking her a little.

They stayed like this for a while, slowly regaining their composure. “I know you might feel like we don’t know each other” Lexa then gently said, “but we are not strangers. We will never be. We’ll get through this. Together.”

Clarke nodded, she was not afraid anymore; Lexa was here, and she knew she could trust her. Clarke couldn’t get out of this mess without help. She needed Lexa. She needed her friends. And she was going to accept help. There was no shame in asking for help; Clarke was slowly beginning to understand. It was only making you stronger.

_Yeah life passes you by_  
Don’t waste your time  
On your own

But Lexa still had thoughts racing through her mind, and Clarke noticed it. “Tell what you’re thinking about, Lexa” Clarke murmured, still on top of the girl.

“How are you still holding on?” Lexa gently asked. She was amazed by the girl on top of her.

“Ayden” Clarke said, “I’m holding on for Ayden. He needs me. I can’t fail him” Clarke answered in a whisper. Lexa nodded; she understood.

* * *

 

A few hours later, Ayden was running towards the two sleeping girls, waving his hands in the air and poking them in the face while shouting “Breakfast time” all around the flat. Lexa got up, quickly kissing Clarke’s forehead in the process, and went into the kitchen with Ayden to prepare breakfast. Clarke slowly awoke too, watching the two of them interact. Ayden was laughing his ass off as Lexa was showing him how to make orange juice with real fruit, and the machine she was using was apparently making Ayden laugh a lot.

Then, Lexa noticed Clarke watching them, and went to her, holding out her hand for the blonde to take with a smile. Clarke intertwined their fingers, following Lexa into the kitchen. Maybe Lexa is one of the reasons she’s still holding on, too. 

_One day it’s here and then it’s gone_  
How are you still holding on?  
_How are you still holding on?_


	29. Someone Smirking Is Never A Good Thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter! Thanks to Constanza who helped me correcting it, hopefully there won't be too much typos thanks to her! ;)
> 
> Thanks for all the support and love and feedbacks! You guys are amazing!!!!! ;)

_Song: Back Into The Corner by Amy Stroup_

Monday morning and Lexa was back to work. At the second she had her feet in the building, Titus had jumped on her with papers, contracts and things she had to take care of. Lexa had internally huffed, even though she knew she had a lot of work to catch up. Before Clarke and Ayden, she used to work from 7am to 8pm non-stop just to get her work done, and now that she had taken many days-off, she was delayed in her work. Obviously Titus didn’t miss to tell her she had responsibilities; Lexa knew that all too well.

Lexa fixed her shirt; she had another meeting, and not a pleasant one. Nia White was going to be here and the last time they had seen each other, Lexa had wanted to rip Nia’s head out of her shoulders. Lexa just hoped Nia wasn’t focused on the two strangers that Lexa had published pictures of; she didn’t want Clarke and Ayden to be thrown in her “celebrity life”. She wanted to keep them hidden, just for herself.

The ambassadors stand up when Lexa entered the room, followed by Titus. “You may sit” Lexa told them with a firm voice. Lexa saw Anya, who gave her a little smile; Anya knew very well that her cousin hated these meetings. Then, Lexa noticed Nia wasn’t here, and that was weird, because Lexa had been sure Nia would have made her next move against her.

“I would like this meeting to go fast” Lexa said, “so please be brief and precise”. Every ambassador nodded, opening their files.

“So, first matter of the day” Titus announced, gesturing at one of the ambassador to speak.

“We have a problem with transportations, Heda” the man began, “our trucks can’t reach the North, and snow is currently falling and is too thick to drive on”.

Lexa nodded, she had learned this from her Northern companies as they were still waiting for their products to arrive. “What do you suggest?” Lexa asked.

She was CEO, that was true, but Lexa had made a point to encourage the ambassadors to find solutions to their own problems. That was making them think, and it was sparing Lexa a lot of time and troubles. Of course, she was still the one making the final call.

“We could transport the merchandise by plane” the man suggested.

Lexa shook her head; this was not a great idea. Planes flying into the snow had troubles moving too. “Too complicated” Lexa said, “And too expensive. What else?”

The ambassador thought for a moment before finding an idea. “What about installing snow tires on our trucks?” And Lexa waved at him, encouraging him to continue, “It would still be quite expansive to buy snow tires for all the trucks, but we wouldn’t have any more troubles with snow, for several years.”

Lexa nodded. “Good job, ambassador”, she congratulated him, and then, turning to Titus, “find me someone from Mecha Station, and tell them we’ll buy their entire stock of snow tires for trucks, maybe even more.”

Titus nodded, and wrote stuff down on his notebook. Mecha Station was a big firm with a lot of little companies too; cars, computers, electronics.

“Ok, what’s next?” Lexa asked, but no one had time to answer, as Nia White was entering the room with a bang on the door.

“Nia” Lexa said with clenched teeth, not happy at all with the behaviour of her ambassador, “You’re late to the meeting. That’s unacceptable.”

Nia White smirked, and it was making Lexa’s whole body shiver. That woman was the devil incarnated. “Forgive me, Heda” Nia said with a false sweet voice, “Something was keeping me up in my company, and I couldn’t catch my flight on time”.

Lexa didn’t say anything, watching Nia as she was walking towards her seat.

“So, can I go next?” Nia said, still not sitting down on her chair and looking at the other ambassadors. Obviously, even if they did have something to say, they wouldn’t say no to Nia. The lady was scaring everyone with her vicious face.

Lexa clenched her teeth again, because whatever Nia had to say, it wouldn’t be good. “You may” Lexa said.

“Thank you, Heda” Nia smirked, “So, it was brought to my intention that my company, Azgeda, doesn’t have enough locals to work.”

Titus raised his brow; he was not expecting that. The only thing Nia wanted was... Space to work?

“And we don’t have any building in Polis” Nia continued, “So my proposition is simple. Coalition Corp has to build us a building to put our desks into”.

Lexa’s mind was racing. It couldn’t be all. Nia was supposed to ask something impossible. Why was this request too easy to give her?

“Very well” Lexa said, “but you know there’s no space in Polis for a new building”.

“Yes, I am aware” Nia answered, still smirking, “but there’s some abandoned, that we could use.”

“I’m listening” Lexa said, raising her chin to show Nia she was still in control.

“There’s this one building, in Skaikru neighbourhood” Nia began, “which isn’t habited. Well, it is, but the people there aren’t legally authorized to live there. I thought we could use this building.”

Lexa raised a brow. “Who are those people living there?”

“Drug dealers” Nia said, “Junkies, homeless people”.

Lexa sighed. She knew Azgeda lacked of real offices in Polis. “Very well”, Lexa said, “I’ll do whatever is necessary for the building to be given to Azgeda company”.

Nia nodded, thanking Lexa, but something was wrong though; Nia couldn’t help herself from smirking, and this was beginning to make Lexa worry. 

“How is this building called?” Lexa asked.

“Arcadia, Heda” Nia answered, still smirking.

“I’ll contact you when everything is ready” Lexa said, not recognizing the name of the building. Anya has, and her eyes were widening. She tried to make a sign to Lexa, to tell her it was where Raven and Octavia and Clarke’s friends were living, everything that would make her understand something was wrong about giving this building to Nia, but Lexa didn’t saw her, and ended the meeting.

 _Nothing turns out_  
_The way you want it_  
 _Nothing plays out_  
 _Like you saw in your mind_  
 _You keep finding out_  
 _Everything's changing_  
 _It's hard to find a place_  
 _Just to calm down_

* * *

 In Lexa’s flat, Clarke and Ayden were just cleaning after their breakfast. Raven and Octavia had brought Ayden and Clarke’s clothes the last time they came, so they no longer had to wear Lexa’s clothes.

“Mommy?” Ayden asked.

“Yes?” Clarke said, storing the bowls into the cupboard.

“Why don’t we live with Beyamy, Otavia and Rae?”

Clarke frowned, because she thought her son liked to live at Lexa’s better. “You rather live in Arcadia than here?”

“No” Ayden suddenly said, afraid his mother would take them back over there, “but family is supposed to live together. Right?”

Clarke sighed, because sometimes her son was too smart for his own good. She kneeled next to him.

“If we want to live with our family, we have to go back live in Arcadia. Here, there’s not enough space for everyone” Clarke gently explained.

“But... if we go live in Arcadia, will Yexa come with us?” the boy asked again, his eyes full of hope.

“No, honey” Clarke sighed, “Lexa has her own house. She helps us while we are here, but she wouldn’t come live with us”.

“Why not? She’s family, right?” Ayden asked, his bottom lip beginning to shake.

“Ayden, not everyone we know is family” Clarke was feeling overwhelmed by the boy’s questions. They didn’t have a normal life; how would she explain how family was supposed to work?“Octavia, Bellamy and the others are _like_ family to us, they are not blood related, but we can call them family because we lived with them for a very long time, you understand that?”

“Yes” Ayden nodded, “but you kiss Lexa on the mouth. Doesn’t mean she’s family too, now?”

Clarke’s eyes widened, because she didn’t know her son knew about this. When had he seen them? How did he know about this?

“That’s more complicated than that, honey” Clarke said, looking him right in his eyes, “Lexa and I... We are taking things slow. That means you can’t say that we are a couple yet. You understand?”

“Yes” he nodded again, “but Yexa is still family. I want her to come and live with us, and with the others”

Clarke hadn’t time to answer him, or make him change his mind, because he was already gone, a convinced look on his face. Clarke stayed sat on the floor a little longer. She needed time to process, and having a five years old son was complicating everything. She knew she should clear things up with Lexa, asking her what they were doing, where would that lead them. She needed to have a real conversation with her about it, and with Ayden too. She didn’t have another choice, now.

 _You're backed into the corner_   
_Your hands are tied down_  
 _You're backed into the corner_  
 _You're by yourself now_  
 _But from where you're standing_  
 _You can see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_

* * *

 Anya was running after Lexa, who was heading to her office.

“Lexa, I need to...” Anya started, but Lexa cut her off.

“Anya I don’t have time” Lexa said, thinking her cousin wanted to talk to her about something else than work, as she was often doing.

“Lexa it’s important, you should...” Anya tried again, but was cut off again.

“Anya, I have to make the papers for the new building right now, so I’ll call you later, ok?” Lexa said, already heading out of her office.

“But... Anya trailed off. Lexa was gone. And what a mistake she was about to do. Anya found it weird Lexa hadn’t recognised the name of the building; it used to be Clarke’s and Ayden’s place too for God’s sake! Or maybe she didn’t know. Maybe Clarke hadn’t told her. Anya knew; Raven had told her about it. Anya’s eyes widened when she realized it was just not about Clarke and Ayden. Lexa was going to expel the whole group, without even knowing it. She had to do something to stop it.   
  
_You're standing on the edge of the ocean_  
 _Yelling at the waves to stop_  
 _But they keep crashing down_  
 _Your hoping seems helpless_  
 _You got no choices_  
 _In a world without answers_  
 _Everything fades to black_

* * *

Since Ayden seemed kind of melancholic, Clarke had decided it was time for them to go outside of Lexa’s flat, and pay a visit to their friends living in Arcadia. Lexa had given them a key, after all, and there were people on the group Clarke hadn’t seen for a long time. She called Lincoln, to ask him if he was free to pick them up. Any of them had a car except Lincoln; Raven still couldn’t drive one, Octavia had a motorcycle for her work, Bellamy had a function car, and the others had gotten used to walk and public transportations. They had all helped to buy Lincoln’s car, though.

“Ok, Ayden we are going out!” Clarke enthusiastically said, trying to make her son smile. But instead, his eyes widened, taking a few steps away from Clarke.

“We are leaving again?” He asked, his voice tinted with fear.

“No honey” Clarke reassured him, “we are just going to go see Monty, Harper, Jasper and everyone in Arcadia. Do you remember them?”

“Yes” Ayden nodded, “but then we are going back her, right?” he asked, still scared his mother was going to make them leave Lexa’s place.

“Yes, of course, Lexa will be sad if we are not back here when she comes home tonight” Clarke said, smiling at her son. “Look, we are going to leave her a note, ok, just in case she comes home earlier than us”.

Ayden nodded, more convinced this time, and quickly went into the living-room to pick a pen up for his mother. “Tell Yexa she has to wait for us for dinner!” Ayden said, handing the pen to Clarke.

Clarke chuckled; Ayden was a funny child when he was not scared or in pain or sad. Which was happening quite a lot lately.

She quickly wrote a note, telling Lexa they were out for a few hours to visit their friends, and that they would be back for dinner’s time. She even added the words Ayden had said, signed Clarke at the end and made Ayden write his name; he was making progress with reading, and he could read a lot of things, but writing, that was more complicated. And since he hadn’t been to school for a while now... _Crap, the school_ , Clarke suddenly thought. Now that they weren’t in danger anymore, Ayden should be going back to school. She would have to talk to Lexa about it later, Clarke decided. But it was weird, wasn’t it? Why did she felt like she had to talk to Lexa about Ayden going back to school? Clarke shook her head when Lincoln honked in front of the building, stopping her thoughts. She put his coat on Ayden and got out of the loft, locking the door behind them with the key Lexa had given her.   
  
_You're backed into the corner_  
 _Your hands are tied down_  
 _You're backed into the corner_  
 _You're by yourself now_  
 _But from where you're standing_  
 _You can see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_

* * *

 Anya was in her car, driving, while she was trying to call Raven to warn her. Of course, Raven wasn’t picking the phone. _What the fuck is she doing?_ Anya thought, _I called her like twenty times in ten minutes._ Anya sighed, accelerating a little. If Raven was unreachable, she had to find Lexa before it was too late. But who knows where she brunette was right now? Anya considered calling at Lexa’s place to reach Clarke, but then thought otherwise; Clarke couldn’t do anything against it, and Anya didn’t want to be the one bringing tension between the blonde and her little cousin.

 _Think Anya,_ she told herself. If Lexa wanted to have the Arcadia building, she had to get in touch with the owner, or the firm owning it, and Lexa must already have done that by now and Anya knew Lexa wouldn’t have any trouble buying the building in the name of Coalition Corp. The next step was kicking out the people living in it. Anya had been surprised when Nia had said the people living into Arcadia were illegally staying there, mentioning drugs dealers, junkies and stuff. Either Raven and everyone were indeed living there without any real authorization for a few years now, or Nia had been lying to gain what she was asking for.

But it was weird though; why would Nia ask for such a building? From what Anya had heard from Raven, it was in ruins in some part, barely habitable. Unless... Unless Nia knew about Clarke and Ayden. Anya’s eyes widened when she remembered the front-page article from Grounders Of Polis, a few weeks ago, with pictures of Lexa, Ayden and Clarke. Of course, Nia must know about them, and being the bitch she always has been, she found the place where the used to lived and where all their friends lived. Anya clenched her teeth; there was no way Nia White was going to cause trouble to Raven. _To the all group_ , Anya mentally corrected herself.   
  
_You're backed into the corner (See it all now)_  
 _Your hands are tied down_  
 _You're backed into the corner (See it all now)_  
 _You're by yourself now_  
 _But from where you're standing (See it all now)_  
 _You can see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_  
 _You see it all now_


	30. Arcadia Building

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for another chapter, you have Jemma to thank for it! She corrected it in record time :) 
> 
> Anyways, I just wanted to remind you that Clexa is endgame, so don't you worry too much ;)
> 
> Enjoy people, and find me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to chat more with me!

_Song : All That You Built by Land Of Trees_

 

Lincoln parked up in front of the Arcadia Building.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay” he said to the blonde, “I have to go back to work. But Octavia is home though. She’s the one with your keys, in case you need anything in your flat.”

“Thanks Lincoln” Clarke smiled, helping Ayden get out of the car. Lincoln waved at them and drove away.

“Ok honey, you’re ready?” Clarke asked her son. Of course, it was more for herself than for Ayden.

Clarke didn’t know if she was ready to go back there; there were so many memories here, good ones as well as bad ones, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to remember everything. Maybe she’ll never be ready, but she had to make an effort at least, for Ayden.

“Come on Mommy, look someone is waving at us!” Ayden said excitedly, pointing with his finger to a window on the first floor.

Clarke looked up; Jasper was here, waving at her with a big smile. “Hey Clarkey, long time no see! What are you waiting for? Get your ass upstairs now!” The man shouted, gesturing at them to hurry.

Clarke smiled, and pushed the door to enter the building. She had been in conflict with Jasper, a few years ago, when he was just beginning his relationship with Maya. She was sick, and Jasper was blaming Clarke –who was working at the hospital at the time- for not being able to help her or heal her. But Maya had gotten better, making Jasper apologise to Clarke for his behaviour, erasing the tension between them.

A few steps ahead of her, Ayden was practically running into the stairs. Clarke couldn’t blame him; they hadn’t been out of Lexa’s loft for like a whole month, and even if Ayden loved being at Lexa’s, he needed to run and venture himself into the world. He didn’t deserve to be locked up in some cage, whatever the cage was.

“Hey pumpkin” said Harper, opening the door at the moment Ayden and Clarke had reached the floor, “you remember me?”

Ayden nodded with a smile, accepting the hug Harper was giving him. Monty and her looked back at Clarke, impressed, and Clarke smiled back. They were impressed, because the boy had never liked physical contact with someone else than his mother, and now, he was willingly opening his arms for people to hug him. Clarke knew Lexa had a lot to do with this; she had been the first person Ayden had really trusted, and maybe having Lexa close to him was making him feel safe enough to approach people again.

Harper then slowly approached Clarke; Raven and Octavia had told Harper the blonde was opening herself more, now letting people touch her after what Finn had done, but she still wasn’t sure what to do. She didn’t want to scare Clarke off, or trigger something.

But Clarke noticed Harper’s hesitation of course, and smiled at her, opening her arms to the girl. “I won’t bite you, I promise” The blonde joked, making Harper laugh before she hugged the girl.

“We were worried” Harper whispered into Clarke’s ear, “I’m glad to see you”. Clarke nodded into her neck; she knew how hard it must have been for her friends, having no clue about how she was doing or anything, and Clarke was blaming herself a little for that.

“Hey Clarkey, good to see you back here!” Jasper shouted then embracing Clarke into a big hug, soon joined by Monty. It made Clarke laugh, and suddenly they were joined by Ayden, Harper, Raven and Octavia which became a big group hug, every one of them still in front of Jasper’s door.

“Ok ok people, let’s calm down, enough hugs for today” Raven sassed, making everyone chuckle, “let’s go to Blake’s to hang out!"

Everyone approved, and went next door. Raven sat on the couch first, pretending her leg was hurting, but everyone knew it was rather to highjack the couch –because it was the only comfortable thing to sit on in Bellamy’s and Octavia’s apartment-. No one said anything though, letting the Latina do whatever she wanted; they had learnt not to put up a fight with her.

Surprisingly, Ayden came to sit on Raven’s lap, beginning to tell her what game he had played back at Lexa’s, and everyone was staring at the boy, who was speaking and installing himself on Raven without a shred of doubt. Raven too was surprised; it was true the boy wasn’t as shy as before, but it was definitely a big step.

“Lexa did this, didn’t she?” Octavia said, more like a statement than a question, sliding behind Clarke to be sure she was the only one to hear.

Clarke hummed; she knew all too well it was all Lexa’s doing, but she was not ready to entirely accept it.

“What are you going to do now?” Octavia asked.

“I don’t know, O” Clarke murmured, looking at the ground. “Ayden doesn’t want to leave Lexa’s place anymore”.

Octavia smiled; she could clearly see that. “And what do you want?” the brunette then asked, knowing it was the most difficult question Clarke currently had on her mind.

“I don’t know” Clarke whispered again, “I... When I’m with her” the blonde said turning towards Octavia, “I don’t know, I feel... Safe. And protected. I feel like me. I don’t know how to explain it O, but I feel... I feel like me. I’m me, when I’m around her”.

Octavia nodded; she had noticed that, too. “What does Lexa want then?”

Clarke shrugged, but then thought about it. She knew what Lexa wanted. “I... I think she likes me” Clarke said, a smile slowly breaking on her face.

“Of course she likes you” Octavia scoffed, “she took you and Ayden in”.

Clarke chuckled. “That’s not what I meant. I think she _likes_ me.”

Octavia’s eyes widened a little, understanding what Clarke was implying. “Oh”.

“Yeah” Clarke sighed.

“And, did you two, hum you know...?” Octavia asked, trailing her question off.

“Oh! We may have kissed a few times...” Clarke trailed off too, looking at everything but Octavia.

Octavia’s eyes widened a little more, “you _kissed_ Lexa?” the brunette said, lightly hitting Clarke on the arm, “you know how to make things complicated, don’t you?”

Clarke lowered her head, because this was true. Everything was always so complicated when it came to her. Octavia noticed Clarke hadn’t taken her remark very well, and put an arm around her shoulder.

“Hey, Clarke. I was just kidding. Lexa is good for you. For the both of you” Octavia gestured towards Ayden, still rambling and laughing on Raven’s knee.

Clarke hummed, leaning her head on Octavia’s shoulder, silently thanking her.

 

The doorbell rang, and Octavia got up to open it. Maya was there, coming home from work, and she had a lot of envelopes in her hand.

“Hey guys, I crossed paths with the postman and he gave me all those...” she stopped herself when she saw the boy on Raven’s lap, and searched the apartment with her eyes until she had found Clarke. “Hi Clarke”, Maya smiled, going towards her to hug the girl.

Clarke hugged Maya back, happy to see the girl she had learned to appreciate. Their story was kind of funny actually; the first time they had seen each other, Clarke had kind of threatened the girl with a knife on her neck, thinking Maya was one of the bad guys. Since, they had become friends. It’s not like Clarke had had the choice anyways; she was Jasper’s girlfriend, so full part of the gang.

“So what’s all this Maya?” Monty asked, pointing at the envelopes Maya was still holding.

“I don’t know” She shrugged, “but our flat numbers are on them."

Clarke frowned; they didn’t really live legally. It was still legal; they had the right to live here, but it was more complicated than that. When they first arrived in Polis, they were all looking for places to stay; but everything was either too deteriorated or too expensive. But then, they had met with an agency who had given them the right to live into Arcadia, until they had the money to fix the building for proper renters. So officially Arcadia was supposed to be an empty building waiting for construction work to begin.

“Hey look Clarke, there’s one for you too!” Maya said, giving Clarke the envelope, and then frowned, “actually there’s two letters for your flat”.

Clarke frowned again, taking the envelopes. It couldn’t be good. But before she had time to open them, Harper was gasping, reading the letter.

“They are evicting us” the girl said, her eyes widened. Everyone in the room looked up at her, surprise smacked across all their faces –well except Ayden who didn’t understand what was going on, of course- waiting for her to explain.

“They say the building has to be empty for next Monday” Harper said blankly, “and if we don’t, they are going to report it to the Police that we are living here without proper authorisation."

“Who? Who say we have to leave?” Clarke asked, her mind going blank.

“Hm wait, it’s...” Maya read the letter again, “it’s Coalition Corp.”

Clarke blinked a few times; Coalition Corp. It was the company Lexa was CEO of. It wasn’t making any sense.

“I don’t understand” Raven said standing up, “Anya knows we live here, I told her and...”

“Wait, who’s Anya?” Jasper asked.

“She’s my boss” Raven answered, re-reading the letter once again, “the ambassador from Trikru Company at Coalition Corp. She’s also Lexa’s older cousin”.

Clarke sat down. She was just beginning to find her balance again, and now this. Would it ever end? How was she going to deal with this? Should they all look for new places to live, or should she tell Lexa? Why  had Lexa done something like this? Was it on purpose? Clarke was feeling betrayed right now. She didn’t understand.

“It doesn’t make any sense” Raven said again, “Anya knew we lived here. She would never had agreed to this without speaking to me about it.”

Clarke raised a brow at Raven; she didn’t know Anya and Raven were that close. Then, Raven frowned, and went to pick up her phone into her jacket.

“I have seventeen missed calls from Anya” Raven said, turning a little pale. She dialled the number back, and went outside to try to reach Anya.

* * *

 

Anya had spent two hours in a car, searching for Lexa, without any luck. Anya growled, and decided to go back to Coalition Corp’s building. Maybe Lexa was back there.

Indeed, Lexa was sat down behind her desk, looking through papers. She didn’t look up when she heard steps on the floor; she was used to Anya’s way of walking, although today she could say her cousin was in some kind of hurry.

“You _branwada_ ” Anya hissed through her teeth when she spotted her cousin sitting at her desk. Surprised, Lexa looked up, to see her fuming cousin glaring at her.

“Anya? What’s wrong?” Lexa asked, not understanding Anya’s behavior.

“You made a big mistake” Anya said, “please tell me you didn’t send the expel letters to Arcadia yet”.

Lexa raised a brow. “I did so an hour ago. I didn’t want to leave that hanging. Why?”

Anya let out a growl of frustration, slumping on the couch. It definitely got Lexa’s attention, and the brunette stopped whatever she was doing to look at her cousin.

“Anya” Lexa said again.

“Oh Lex, you have no idea, do you?” Anya sighed, looking back at her. Lexa shrugged, getting frustrated too.

“This Arcadia building Nia asked you.” Anya started.

“Yes” Lexa nodded.

“This is the building Clarke lives in. Or lived in. But everyone of her friends are still living there. Octavia. Raven. Bellamy. Lincoln. They all live in it.” Anya sighed again, looking at Lexa, waiting for her reaction.

And Lexa paled, her eyes widening, realizing what she had done. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I did tried!” Anya protested, “I tried, but you didn’t want to listen!”

And then, Lexa remembered how her cousin had indeed tried to talk to her, earlier in the day.

“Anya. They should receive the letters in half an hour now. I sent them by steed” Lexa said.

Anya put her head into her hands. There was no way to undo this. “Anya, what do I do?” Lexa’s voice was small, shivering a little, “Clarke, she’s going to get mad and...”

“Lexa, we are not going to panic. OK?” Anya stopped her.

Lexa weakly nodded. She couldn’t lose Clarke like this. She was just beginning to care for the girl. She couldn’t break everything now.

“Ok, we are going there” Anya stated, already getting up.

“What?” Lexa asked, lost.

“We are going to your place to fetch Clarke and then, Arcadia.  We will explain to everyone it was just a misunderstanding”. Lexa then nodded, and got up to follow Anya to her car.

 

They didn’t lose any time getting to Lexa’s loft. She hurried herself to open the door, afraid some of Clarke’s friends had already called the blonde to tell her, but her heart stopped when she heard nothing. No No no no, this couldn’t be happening. “Clarke?” Lexa called. No one answered, and Lexa was beginning to feel sick.

“Clarke? Ayden?” the brunette called again, as Anya was closing the door behind them. Anya saw the worry on her cousin’s face. It couldn’t be good, and the silence in the loft wasn’t a good sign either.

“Clarke? Are you there?” Lexa said, her voice threatening to break anytime now. Lexa turned towards her cousin, tears beginning to form in her eyes. Anya immediately understood; they weren’t here.

Anya watched Lexa do a tour of the entire apartment, checking every room. When Lexa came back into the living-room, Anya saw at that very moment Lexa was going to break down. And her cousin couldn’t break. She had broken down once, and it had been hard for her to get back up again.

“Lexa...” Anya said.

“There are gone” Lexa whispered, a tear rolling down her cheek, “Anya they are gone. They left. They left.”

Lexa sat down on the couch, her look going blank. Anya then noticed something on the counter, and frowned; it looked like a piece of paper. She got closer, and chuckled when she read the note; the one Clarke had written in case Lexa would come home early.

“Hey Lex, look” Anya said with a smile on her face. Lexa didn’t understand at first, because it was absolutely not funny, but then she saw the piece of paper Anya was giving her. She raised a brow at her cousin, who just smiled back.

Lexa sniffed, and began to read the paper. Another tear fell while reading.

 

_Lexa,_

_Ayden and I are going to say hello to Octavia and everyone in Arcadia. We’ll try to be back for dinner, but if we are not, don’t worry!_

_We’ll see you soon,_

_Clarke and Ayden_

_PS: Ayden says you have to wait for us for dinner!_

 

Lexa laughed, wiping her tears away, they hadn’t left her. They were coming back. “They didn’t leave" she said.

“No, they didn’t” Anya smiled back. “Come on now, we have some fixing to do!”

Lexa nodded. She wasn’t going to lose the blonde this easily.

 


	31. More Than Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY GUYS for not having updated for a whole week, i've been busy!! But here are a new chapter! I hope you'll like it, i enjoyed writing it :) 
> 
> A enormous thank you to Megan who took time to correct the chapter :) 
> 
> Oh and find me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to share stories, talk about that fic, or just have a chat with me! Thanks for the support you're all giving me, I really appreciate it :))
> 
> Special mention to Michelle and Abbie, whose love exists thanks to Clexa, go girls I believe in you ;)

_Song : You will find me – Alex and Sierra_

In Octavia’s apartment, everyone was still in shock. What were they going to do, now? Move out, Protest?

Raven came back into the apartment, sighing. “Anya isn’t answering her phone”, she sat on the couch near Clarke, “maybe she wanted to warn us?”

Clarke shook her head; it wasn’t making any sense. “I don’t understand! Lexa knows we used to live here, she...” But then, Clarke paused. She had never told Lexa where everyone lived. Anya knew, because of Raven, but there was still a possibility Lexa didn’t. Maybe she hadn’t done it on purpose.

“What is it?” Raven asked, noticing that Clarke was thinking hard.

“I don’t think Lexa is aware we live here” the blonde whispered, “I don’t think I ever told her...”

Raven’s eyes widened; that made sense. Raven had seen Lexa and Clarke interact with each other; there was no way Lexa would have done something like this, knowing they all lived in Arcadia.

“Can’t you call her?” Raven suggested, but Clarke shook her head, huffing at herself.

“I don’t even know her phone number,” the blonde said, making Raven raise a brow; Clarke and Lexa were definitely from another planet.

Octavia then rejoined them, pointing to the other envelop Clarke hadn’t open yet. “What is this Clarke?”

Clarke shrugged, and began to open the letter. Raven frowned; the logo on the paper was the police’s. Clarke opened the piece of paper and gasped, beginning to get pale.

“What? What is it?” Octavia asked, now worried.

“It’s a letter from the court. For the case against Finn” Raven murmured. Octavia gasped too, and suddenly everyone in the apartment was very silent. No one dared make a single sound, waiting for Clarke’s reaction.

“I... I need air” Clarke whispered, suddenly getting up and almost running to the door, disappearing into the stairs.

Octavia tried to follow her, but was stopped by Raven. “Let her go O, she’ll be back”.

Octavia huffed, “and how do you know that? Last time, she went missing for almost a month”.

Raven smiled, pointing towards Ayden who was playing with Jasper, “because she would never leave him”.

Octavia nodded; she knew it was the only thing they were sure about Clarke. That she would do anything for her family, for her people.

* * *

 

Then, Raven’s phone rang, startling everyone. “Raven Reyes speaking” the Latina said.

 _“Hey Raven, it’s Anya”_ said the voice.

“About time Woods, what the fuck is going on?” Raven asked, relieved Anya was calling her back.

In the apartment, Raven had put the phone on speaker mode, so everyone could hear the conversation.

 _“I’m sorry, but something came up, um, maybe you have received some sort of letters...?”_ Anya asked; she wasn’t sure the letters had been delivered yet.

“You mean like eviction letters?” Raven said, “Yeah we received those. You wanna say something ‘bout it?”

They all heard Anya sigh on the phone.

 _“It’s a big misunderstanding_ ” Anya said, _“I’m with Lexa right now. Can we come by to explain everything?”_

Raven took a look at her friends, asking for a decision.

“I don’t know” Octavia whispered so Anya couldn’t hear, “Clarke usually makes the calls, I’m not sure this is a good idea”.

“What do we have to lose?” Monty then whispered, “I say let them come. At least we’ll have some explanations.”

Raven then nodded, and brought the phone back to her lips.

“Ok Anya. You two can come, but Lexa?” Raven asked.

 _“Yes?”_ the brunette’s voice made itself heard into the phone.

“Clarke might be angry at you” Raven warned her. She didn’t want Lexa to trigger her blonde friend, or hurting her.

“ _I’m sorry if she is. I’ll explain everything to her”._

“Ok” Raven answered, “See you in a few”.

The brunette hung up, sighing. “I hope this is not the worst idea ever”.

* * *

 

In Anya’s car, Lexa is going to lose her patience. “Lexa please calm down” Anya said huffing at her cousin, “we are going to be there soon”.

“And what if she’s really mad at me? I mean, you heard Raven, she might be angry, what if she doesn’t want to see me? And what if...”  Lexa rambled, only stopping when Anya interrupts her.

“For God sake shut up Lex! We don’t know anything yet, but we’ll know soon. Just calm down!” Anya lightly hit her cousin on the arm to make her stop fidgeting on the seat.

Lexa mumbled something between her teeth, and Anya didn’t ask what it was about.

Soon, they were parking in front of Arcadia building. “So this is the place” Anya said, stopping the car. They got out, and Lexa almost gasped when her eyes stopped on the building. It was in really bad shape; the walls weren’t anything close to white, some windows were broken. It really looked like a crappy place to live, and it was sending shivers down to Anya’s and Lexa’s spines, to know that people they loved lived in such a place. The both of them shook their heads before entering the building. People they loved, really?  Of course, the only ones they were fooling were themselves. Ah, the Woods girls weren’t known for their ability to accept that love was just in front of them, were they?

They quickly made their way to the floor the group was on, looking for the apartment number Raven had given them. “Here it is” Anya said, pointing at a door. Lexa lightly knocked on it, waiting for someone to come and open it.

They were both relieved to see Raven answering the door; they didn’t know everyone in the group yet, and the situation was weird enough.

“Come in” Raven invited them. The Woods took a step in, accepting Raven’s offer to take their coats off.

“Hello you two” Octavia greeted them. They had seen each other already too; it was making things easier for Lexa and Anya.

“Everyone, this is Lexa” Octavia said, turning to her friends, “and YES she’s THE Lexa Woods, CEO of Coalition Corp” the girl added; she knew the boys still had trouble accepting the idea of Clarke being friends with such a wonderful, beautiful, sexy and badass woman. Those were Jasper’s and Monty’s words, obviously.

“And the lady here” Octavia said again pointing at Anya, “is the Anya Woods Raven was talking about earlier, Lexa’s older cousin and Raven’s boss at Trikru. She’s kind of my superior, too”.

Anya raised a brow at this, because she didn’t know what Octavia was doing for a living; she had never seen her in Trikru Company. Lexa sent her an _“I’ll tell you later”_ look and Anya stopped thinking about it to focus on what was really important right now.

“This is Monty, Harper, Maya and Jasper” Raven said.

Everyone nodded to each other as a greeting, and then silence fell again in the apartment. Octavia hadn’t missed the way Lexa’s eyes had wandered all over the place; probably looking for blue ones. Then, Ayden spotted Lexa, and ran full force into her legs.

“Yexa, you’re here!” he shouted excitedly, happy his second favourite person was here –the first one being his mother, of course.

It put a smile back on Lexa’s face as she was lifting the boy in her arms, under the stare of everyone else in the room. “Hey buddy, how are you doing?” Lexa asked him, and he started to explain to Lexa how he had played a fun game with Jasper earlier. Raven and Octavia were still staring at Lexa, analysing her maybe; they both wanted to be sure Lexa wasn’t going to harm and break Clarke even more than she already was. But Ayden was so attached to Lexa it would hurt them both anyways; it was too late to go back.

“Ok” Raven said, “You have an explanation to give”. She gestured for Anya and Lexa to take a seat so they may start explaining.

“Shouldn’t we wait for Clarke to be here?” Maya whispered to Octavia. But the girl shook her head, “Nah. Clarke has to cool off on her own. Lexa will talk to her after.”

Maya nodded, and everyone went silent to let Anya and Lexa talk. Lexa was the first to start their explanation.

* * *

 

Half an hour later and Clarke was still sitting on the stairs in front of her old apartment. She had taken her key back from Octavia, but she hadn’t had to courage to go in it yet. It was stupid, really. She knew they had cleared the place, and all of Finn’s stuff would be gone, but still. This place held so many memories. This is where she had learned Well’s, Charlotte’s and Zoe Monroe’s death.  She had also earned Raven’s forgiveness here, Jasper’s too, and she had grown closer to Octavia in a way she didn’t think possible. Clarke had been here when she had taken the pregnancy test. She had been here when Finn had shouted in joy when she had told him about the baby growing in her belly. This was the place she had cried for hours when things were bad. This was the place she had cried in joy when things were good. This place had been everything. But now, she didn’t know anymore. She had ran from here, first to live with Finn in a house –although she was starting to believe it was just to run away -, and then to distance herself from the violence and the people who would always remind her that their lives weren’t easy at all.

Clarke’s hands were slightly shaking around the letter from the tribunal. How was she going to handle this now? And what about the eviction order? She was already so, so tired... And most of all, Clarke was afraid. She hadn’t been alone for a whole month now. Lexa had been by her side supporting her, helping her, even when she was pretending she didn’t need help, and now, Clarke was scared; she didn’t know if she could do it without Lexa’s help. It was silly; she and Lexa weren’t even friends. What were they, anyways? Clarke didn’t know. The only thing she was sure of was that she didn’t want the brunette out of her life so soon. She couldn’t explain why, but there was something… Something making her move towards Lexa. There was something about her. Even Ayden had fallen for Lexa, and Clarke couldn’t pretend she hadn’t any longer.

A silent tear rolled down Clarke’s cheeks as her mind was full of questions. She was tired, so very tired...

But then, she looked up; someone was using the stairs. She wiped the tear away, composing herself in case it was one of her friends coming to fetch her, but her heart stopped when she spotted the person coming towards her was, Lexa. Lexa was here.

“Clarke. I’ve been looking for you” Lexa murmured, not coming any closer.

Clarke opened her mouth, but no sound came from it. Instead, she put her head into her hands. It was too much. Clarke was feeling alone, sad, overwhelmed, and then Lexa was there, with her green eyes and her lips and everything Clarke couldn’t resist to.

“Clarke...” Lexa whispered again, now sitting right next to Clarke. Their shoulders touched, but Lexa didn’t dare make any move to hug the girl; she was waiting for Clarke to move first. But then, she heard Clarke making a noise she didn’t want to hear. Clarke was crying, and Lexa couldn’t bare it any longer. She threw her arms around the blonde, embracing her into a tight hug.

“Clarke, don’t cry. Everything is a misunderstanding. I didn’t know people were actually living here. I didn’t know. I’m going to cancel everything. Don’t worry. You’re safe. They all are.” She whispered into Clarke’s ear, keeping her close.

Clarke knew Lexa didn’t know about them living in Arcadia, but hearing her saying they would be safe did the trick for her, she put her arms around Lexa’s neck, now fully accepting the hug. Lexa was drawing small circles on her back to calm her down. “It’s ok, I’m here.”

Clarke was slowly calming down; she was going to trust Lexa on this. Finally, Lexa released her, seeing the letter Clarke still had in her hand.

“What’s this?” Lexa asked, and immediately regretted asking, because Clarke’s eyes were watering again.

“It’s... It’s a letter for the trial against Finn. Next week” Clarke cried, trying to wipe her tears, “Lexa I... I can’t do this alone anymore” her voice broke, as Lexa’s heart was exploding in a thousand pieces.

“Hey hey” Lexa gently smiled, putting her hands on each side of Clarke’s cheeks, “you are not alone. Do you hear me? I... I care about you” Lexa admitted, lowering her voice, “and I’m here. I guess I’ll have to call Titus to tell him I won’t be at work that day next week then” she winked at the blonde, making her chuckle in the process.

“Thank you” Clarke whispered, as Lexa was wiping Clarke’s tears away with her thumbs. Lexa smiled as an answer, and Clarke didn’t hesitate; she brought her lips to Lexa’s, kissing her with her whole soul. She felt Lexa smile into the kiss, and then she felt her kiss her back harder.

When they ended the kiss, Clarke pointed the door they were sitting in front of, sniffing. “This is my old flat. You want to see it?” she asked Lexa.

“Yes, of course” Lexa answered, and then helped Clarke up. Lexa could tell Clarke was nervous about entering her apartment again, so she gently took her hand in hers, intertwining their fingers for support. Clarke smiled when she felt Lexa’s hand, and opened the door.

* * *

 

The flat was simple, really. It still had all of Clarke’s old furniture, but it was somewhat different. She sighed, relieved. This was her old flat, but in some way it was like another one. A little like Clarke was another person. “I like it, it’s simple” Lexa said, still not letting go of Clarke’s hand.

Clarke silently thanked her. She didn’t know why; she was always acting weird around the brunette. She pulled Lexa into a chaste kiss, surprising the brunette, but who still reciprocated the kiss hard, putting her hands on Clarke’s waist, bringing her closer.

They parted from the kiss and Clarke snuggled her nose into Lexa’s neck.

“Lexa?” the blonde whispered.

“Yes?”

“How come you’re here?” Clarke asked, suddenly remembering that she didn’t know what Lexa was doing here in the first place.

Lexa sighed, and released her embrace around Clarke, guiding her towards the couch. She knew she had some explaining to do; she had already explained everything to the others half an hour earlier, but she had to do it all over again with the blonde.

“You remember Nia White? I may have talked to you about her?” Lexa asked. Clarke frowned, because she had heard the name before, but not from Lexa’s mouth.

“I do know her.  She’s the head of Azgeda Company, right?”

Lexa nodded, “but you didn’t talk to me about her though” Clarke added.

It was Lexa’s turn to frown; Nia had been the one to have Clarke and Ayden’s pictures with her go public; did Lexa not explain all this to Clarke? Then, Lexa remembered Clarke had ran away, the day she had seen the newspaper, and the next time they were seeing each other had been when Lexa had stopped Finn from hurting the blonde. 

“Yes, she’s Azgeda’s ambassador in Coalition Corp” Lexa confirmed, “but she’s the devil incarnate”.

Clarke chuckled, because she had no idea what Nia White was doing with this mess.

“Don’t laugh” Lexa said, “She really is. You remember the newspaper you saw one day, at my place?”

Clarke nodded, avoiding Lexa’s eyes. Clarke too remembered she had run away from Lexa, that day.

“Nia White was the one to give the pictures to the press” Lexa said.

Clarke frowned, “but why?”

“She wants my place as CEO” Lexa sighed, “she’s a vicious woman; she’ll do anything to achieve her goals”.

Lexa adjusted herself on the couch, leaning back a little, and was pleased to see Clarke adjusting herself too, but on Lexa’s chest.

“She wants to get to me, to break me so I’m not able to do my job anymore, and so far she didn’t have a lot of ways to do that” Lexa continued, “but now... Now she does.”

“That means... That means she’s targeting us, Ayden and me, for being close to you. To make put pressure on you” Clarke understood what Lexa was trying to say.

Lexa sadly nodded. “I’m sorry. I never meant to pull you into this”.

Clarke didn’t answer, but leaned back on Lexa’s chest, putting one arm around her.

“So um, about the eviction letters and everything...” Lexa sighed, gathering some courage, “Nia White came to me this morning, in a meeting, and asked for new offices in town for Azgeda. It was weird at first, because it seemed too easy to give her, and I couldn’t figure why she was asking me about this one building in particular, and it worried me all day, so much I didn’t even listen to Anya when she obviously wanted to tell me something.”

Lexa paused. She had been so worried about Nia’s move that she had kind of sent her cousin away.

“And as the building was officially not occupied, and the agency owning it doesn’t exist anymore, I didn’t have any trouble buying it for Nia.”

Clarke gasped; she had no idea the agency didn’t exist anymore.

“I had no idea Clarke, I swear” Lexa said, looking down at Clarke with eyes which were pleading forgiveness, “I bought the building and made a steed deliver some letters to tell the junkies I thought were living here they had to leave the place. This is what happened.”

 “But how did you do all this so fast?” Clarke asked, and Lexa sighed again.

“I’m Coalition Corp’s CEO, Clarke. I have all privileges, my needs and my orders are the first top priorities” Lexa explained, not particularly thrilled by the prospective of everyone being at her feet.

Clarke nodded, trying to process everything Lexa had said.

* * *

 

Lexa shifted on the couch, not knowing what she could say. “I know it doesn’t make what I did any better, but if I knew, I wouldn’t have done that. But I’m going to fix this. I promise” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s forehead.

“How...?” Clarke whispered. She trusted Lexa, really she did, but she didn’t know how it was fixable.

“Well” Lexa sighed, “first of all I’m still the owner of Arcadia. Meaning, I can do anything I want about it”.

Clarke’s eyes lightened; she understood what Lexa was implying. She hadn’t given the building to Nia yet. She could _not_ do it.

“Clarke, I have seen the outside of this building. It’s falling into pieces, there’s no way Nia would have asked for it genuinely” Lexa murmured; she didn’t like the fact that Clarke and Ayden and all of their friends were living in such conditions, and now she was beginning to understand Nia’s motivations to have it.

“So I may have a proposition” Lexa continued, taking a breath to gather some courage, “I still need to put some Coalition Corp’s business in this building, because I cannot buy random buildings like this” she said, making Clarke chuckle, “but what I can do, is restore the building, part by part. You and all of your friends would still be able to live here, in good conditions, and I would put some offices upstairs, for employees from my company”.

Lexa closed her mouth, waiting expectantly for Clarke’s reply.

“You would do this?” Clarke whispered, not believing what she was hearing.

“Yes, I would. With your permission” Lexa answered.

Clarke didn’t answer right away, because it was a lot to take in. She was fascinated by the brunette though; she had seen Lexa being on the phone with Titus, her CEO’s mask in place, and the blonde had to admit Lexa was quite scary with it, but right now, Lexa was a complete bag of compassion, affection, care and... Love?

“I... Why, Lexa?” Clarke asked instead. She couldn’t figure out why Lexa would want to help her, to help them, that much.

“I think you know why” Lexa whispered, feeling very shy and bare with the blonde.

Of course Clarke knew; she needed Lexa to say it, though. So, she looked at Lexa as if she didn’t understand, and it made Lexa sigh because now she had to talk about her feelings; Lexa wasn’t used to this.

“I told you. I care about you. I don’t want to be away from you, I don’t know I...” Lexa stopped, interrupted by the blonde pulling her into a kiss.

“I care about you, too” Clarke answered, and the both of them smiled into the kiss like teenage lovers.

“Clarke, I have one more thing to ask you” Lexa said, tugging at her lower lip, sending shivers down Clarke’s spine. _Lexa is so goddamn sexy doing that_ , the blonde thought, and then mentally face-palmed herself so she could concentrate on what Lexa wanted to ask.

“I... I know you’re missing your friends, and I know Ayden miss being here, too” Lexa started, and Clarke turned pale. Was Lexa going to kick them out and ask them to live here? She didn’t want that. Clarke wanted to live with Lexa. She thought she had made it clear by telling Lexa she cared about her?

Lexa noticed Clarke was starting to freak out, so she quickly took Clarke’s face in her hands. “Don’t freak out” Lexa whispered, “I’m not going anywhere”.

Clarke nodded, slightly reassured, waiting for Lexa to continue.

“I was wondering if maybe, you’d like to come live here on some days” Lexa finally said. “Like, we stay at my place on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, and the rest of the week, we live here to be close to your family”.

Clarke’s heart jumped into her chest. Lexa had said “we”. She would come with them. But as Clarke had still said nothing, Lexa was beginning to worry. “Clarke? What do you say?”

It took the blonde half a second to make her decision. She wasn’t afraid anymore. If Lexa was here, there was nothing to be afraid. “I say yes. A million times yes” Clarke chuckled, kissing Lexa hard.

But it was not any kiss, this time. This time, it was something more. Clarke’s hands were beginning to travel on Lexa’s body, going from her waist to her neck and back, and Lexa could swear she was already seeing stars. Her own hands were trying to get under Clarke’s shirt, and she could feel Clarke shivering under her touch. Lexa was about to fully put her hands under the blonde’s shirt, but a voice called them, breaking the moment.

“Lovebirds! Lincoln brought a cake! Come down!” Raven shouted up the staircase.

Clarke chuckled, and Lexa smiled. Clarke brought her arms around Lexa’s neck as Lexa was putting her hands back on Clarke’s waist, connecting their foreheads while catching their breath.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked in a whisper.

“Yes?” Lexa answered in the same soft tone, not opening her eyes.

“We are more than friends, aren’t we” Clarke said, and Lexa didn’t know if it was a question or a statement, but decided she couldn’t deny what was going on between them anymore.

“I want us to be more than that” Lexa whispered, barely audible.

She knew Clarke was smiling, and it was warming her heart. “I want that too” she heard the blonde answer back. Lexa began to head for the door, but was stopped by Clarke’s hand on her forearm. Lexa looked back to see Clarke biting her lip. _GOD those lips._

“I... I wanted to call you, but hum...” Clarke trailed off.

Lexa got closer to the blonde, slightly amused by the shy side of Clarke. “But what?”

“I... I don’t have your phone number” Clarke confessed, pink slowly rising to her cheeks.

But Lexa raised her brows; Clarke did have her number, it was the first thing she had ever given the blonde. “but Clarke, I gave you my number the first day we met...?”

Lexa watched as Clarke’s cheeks were becoming even redder. “I... I didn’t register it” the blonde whispered in shame.

It made Lexa chuckle, and held her hand to the blonde. “Give me your phone” Lexa gently asked. Clarke took her phone out of her pocket and gave it to Lexa.

Lexa typed her number into the phone, still smiling at the blonde’s behaviour. “There. You can call me when you want, now.” Lexa smiled. She would have liked to ask for Clarke’s number too, but she didn’t want to rush the girl.

But then, Clarke typed something on her phone, and Lexa’s made a noise. The brunette frowned, taking the phone out, and saw she had a new message from an unknown number. She opened it, and smiled when she saw what Clarke had written.

“Now you have my number, too” The blonde smiled.

Lexa smiled back, and slowly leaned on Clarke to peck her lips once more. After that last kiss, they went down the stairs to meet with the others, hand in hand.

 _You leave me room for my imperfections_  
_When I'm a mess and you jump right in_  
 _If I drift in the wrong direction_  
 _You turn the tide and you calm the wind_  
 _Anytime, every time I get lost_  
 _You will find me_  
 _You will find me_


	32. Moving Forwards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Chapter 32! Have fun, and thaaaaaaaaaaanks guys for the support, don't be shy and come talk to me if you have anything you want to share ! 
> 
> instagram "sixtineschmidt"
> 
> Thank you Jemma for correcting my mistakes and everything! ;) 
> 
> PS : Are they any people watching Supergirl? Because I really like this shoooow, and i'm so excited for tonight's episode :D

 

_Song : Let It Go by James Bay_

Lexa and Clarke made it back to the apartment, and were very surprised to see Anya and Raven fighting for a piece of cake.

“Give it back Woods, this was mine!” Raven growled, trying to take the cake back.

But Anya held it over Raven’s head; who was too small to reach it. “In your dreams, Reyes”, Anya shot back, smirking at the brunette who was still waving her arms around to reach the plate in Anya’s hand.

Clarke shot a confused look to Jasper and Monty, but those two were obviously too focused on their plates to know what was going on, so they just shrugged.

“OK enough, kids” Lexa said at the girls, grabbing Anya’s arm by surprise and taking the cake for herself.

Raven’s and Anya’s eyes shot open, surprised at Lexa’s move, as Clarke and Ayden were laughing uncontrollably. Lexa smiled back at them, and winked at her cousin. Anya was stunned; Lexa was smiling, like freely smiling, not just for appearance and she had even played along with them. Lexa, her baby cousin Lexa, the cold-hearted Lexa, was smiling and laughing with people she barely knew.

Anya then took a look at Blondie ; the girl was smiling too, and Anya noticed how Lexa and her never stopped throwing small smiles and tender looks at each other, watching over everything Ayden was doing or saying. Anya didn’t know how the conversation had gone between her cousin and Clarke, although she was guessing they were definitely on good terms.

Lexa was focused on explaining to Ayden how to eat without dropping food on his t-shirt and Octavia took the occasion to get closer to Clarke.

“Hey, Clarke” Octavia said.

“Hi Octavia, thanks for letting Anya and Lexa come here earlier” Clarke smiled, her eyes never leaving the brunette and her son.

“It was nothing”, Octavia nodded. “Did she explain the whole situation to you?”

“Yes, she has” Clarke confirmed.

“So…? Do we have to move out? What’s the plan?” Octavia asked, too curious to wait. Clarke didn’t seem sad nor angry; it could only mean things were going to be ok, right?

“There’s no plan”, Clarke smiled again “We are going to stay here. Lexa will have to put some desks on the other floors though, but we can stay here. And Lexa is going to take care of this building.”

“She's what?” Octavia’s eyes widened, because it seemed way too beautiful to be true.

“That’s the truth. She owns the building now, so she is going to restore it and put some of Coalition Corp’s business in Arcadia, but we can all stay here” Clarke said, still smiling.

“That’s…cool”, Octavia said, and then noticed what Clarke had kept saying, “Clarke…you are saying we in your explanations. Does that mean…?” Octavia trailed off, not really knowing if it was a great idea to ask Clarke if she was going to come back live here.

“I’ll stay with Lexa” Clarke précised, “because I don’t know, I…I feel like I belong with her, you know what I mean?”

Octavia nodded, waiting for Clarke to continue.

“But hum, Lexa asked me if I’d like to come live here like, during weekends… And I said yes. I miss you guys”. Clarke’s smile was growing even bigger as Octavia was quickly hugging the blonde.

“Oh Clarke that’s so cool! Whatever you want! It’s going to be great to have you around again, I’ve missed it” Octavia confessed.

Clarke smiled again, and didn’t notice Lexa watching her silently. When Lexa saw Clarke smiling and hugging Octavia, she knew she had made the right decision with asking the blonde to come live here on some days. Not that Lexa was particularly thrilled with the idea – I mean, Lexa would rather have Clarke and Ayden at her place, just the three of them –but she knew her friends were important to Clarke, and she wouldn’t be the one to keep her away from them.

* * *

 

Then, Bellamy came walking through the door, a confused look on his face when he noticed all the people in his apartment. Most of all, he was surprised by Lexa’s and Anya’s presence; what were those two doing here? Did something happen to Clarke? Then, he spotted Octavia and Clarke chatting, and was relieved to see his best-friend. He got closer to her, ruffling Ayden’s hair on his way.

“Hey Clarke" the older Blake said, “What are you doing here?” Bellamy said. Of course he wanted to ask if the reason Clarke was here was because she was moving in again, but he didn’t ask. He didn’t want Clarke or Octavia or anyone yelling at him, and keeping him from seeing his best friend, did he? Octavia left them to great Lincoln, who had just arrived too.

“Hi Bellamy, back from work already?” Clarke answered, lightly squeezing his arm as a greeting.

Bellamy nodded, sighing at the same time. “Yeah, tiring day. I’m working with incapables”.

Clarke smiled back at him. She knew sometimes his job was hard. “Ayden was getting bored with being stuck inside, so we came over here to say hello” the blonde said, answering Bellamy’s question.

If Clarke noticed the drop in Bellamy’s shoulders when he understood they weren’t moving in, she didn’t show it.

“But, hum… I’m going to be around, every weekend, I think” Clarke added, carefully studying Bellamy’s face to see his reaction.

His brows frowned, because he didn’t understand. “What?”

“Lexa suggested we live here during weekends, to be closer to you guys. And I agreed.” Clarke explained.

Bellamy’s eyes shot open, “Oh! That’s great news! Cool!”

And Clarke laughed, as Bellamy's excitation was funny to see. Clarke had her eyes focused on Bellamy, a big smile on her face as they were chatting a little more. But if Clarke had turned her head around to look at Lexa, she would have seen the brunette’s face, who was apparently not thrilled by those two chatting together. Nah, Lexa wasn’t jealous of Bellamy, he was just a good friend of Clarke.

But was he really? I mean, Lexa couldn’t deny there was some chemistry between them, it was so obvious it was hurting Lexa’s eyes. She knew Clarke didn’t want anything with Bellamy other than friendship but come on, he had only eyes for her, chatting with her like he was her world’s centre, and did he just put his hand on Clarke’s arm? Lexa was so fuming inside that she didn’t even register Anya sitting next to her, patting her back, making her jump in surprise.

“Calm down Commander”, Anya said with a smirk, “your girl isn’t going anywhere”.

Lexa huffed, because it wasn’t funny at all and she was pissed at Anya for making jokes about it. Or maybe she was just pissed at seeing Clarke and Bellamy interact together.

“First of all she is not my girl, and it’s not like you’re undressing Raven with your eyes either” Lexa shot back at her cousin, making Anya choke on air. _Two can play this game_ Lexa thought, smirking internally at her flustered cousin.

“I’m not, I don’t… Besides, there’s nothing between Raven and I” Anya said to defend herself, “I’m not the one spending every night, sleeping in the same bed with the girl I’m crushing on not to mention kissing her all over her face”.

It’s was Lexa’s turn to choke on nothing. “I’m not crushing on… How do you know I’ve kissed Clarke anyway?”

“I didn’t” Anya shrugged with a smirk, “you just confirmed my theory”.

“Whatever” Lexa huffed at her cousin, “don’t look so full of yourself. You have a crush on Raven too”.

Anya sighed, because this was maybe true, and the two of them were so screwed.

* * *

 

The Sun was going down and it was now time for Clarke, Ayden Anya and Lexa to go back home. Everyone said goodbye to each other -Lexa and Clarke didn’t miss how Anya took extra long saying goodbye to Raven-. Anya took them all back to Lexa’s place before heading to her own.

Lexa unlocked the door, removing her shoes, smiling when she saw Ayden doing the same with his tongue stuck out of his mouth in concentration to not fall.

Ayden went to play with his toys while Lexa and Clarke were heading to the kitchen to make dinner. Lexa was glad as she had noticed Clarke following her to help her, as if everything was normal and usual. Although Lexa was still a little bothered by the “Bellamy matter”, and Clarke noticed the brunette wasn’t as open and smiley as usual.

“Lexa?” the blonde asked. 

“Hm?” Lexa said, focusing on the meal she was preparing.

“What is bothering you?” Clarke asked, worried she had done something wrong.

Lexa shrugged, of course she didn’t want to explain to Clarke she was jealous of her best friend, “nothing”.

Clarke obviously didn’t buy it, she got closer to the brunette, leaning on the counter so Lexa could look her in her eyes.

“I’m sorry if I’ve done something wrong” Clarke said with a bit of sadness in her voice, “but I can’t improve myself if you don’t tell me what the problem is...”

And Lexa chuckled; of course Clarke would think it was her fault. “It’s not you Clarke, it’s…” Lexa sighed, and stopped cutting the vegetables, completely turning herself towards Clarke.

“I… I may have not liked seeing Bellamy so close to you earlier” Lexa confessed, murmuring, too afraid she was going to scare Clarke away.

Clarke’s brows rose; she was not expecting this. “Bellamy and I? But there’s nothing between Bell...”

“I know” Lexa sighed, cutting the blonde off, “but I can’t help it, it’s like, like whenever I see you two, I just...” Lexa trailed off, throwing her arms in the air in frustration.

“You’re jealous” Clarke stated, a tiny smile growing on her lips.

“No I’m... Maybe. Yes” Lexa said, looking down in defeat.

She heard Clarke chuckle, and didn’t know why, ‘cause there was nothing funny about the situation and Lexa didn’t even know if she had the right to be jealous. She knew her and Clarke were _more than friends_ but that was all and... Clarke put her arms around Lexa’s torso, taking her out of her thoughts.

“Bellamy is my best friend” Clarke murmured into Lexa’s neck, “he is a big part of my life but...”

Clarke kissed Lexa’s neck, sending shivers all over Lexa’s spine. “But I don’t think of him this way” she said with a final kiss on her neck, hoping Lexa would get the hint.

And the brunette did, she turned around to face Clarke. “I’m sorry” Lexa whispered, still a little ashamed of herself.

“Don’t be” Clarke said, lifting Lexa’s chin so she would look at her, “it’s ok. But you said I had to talk to you and let you help me” Clarke said, earning an interrogation look from Lexa, “but you have to open yourself up to me, too”.

And Lexa nodded; Clarke was right. She trusted her, and now it was Lexa’s turn to do the same; it couldn’t go one way. “I will” Lexa murmured, and Clarke snuggled herself into Lexa’s neck once more as the brunette put both her arms around the blonde.

* * *

 

They stayed like this for a couple of minutes, just holding each other, until Lexa had something in her mind. “Clarke?” Lexa whispered.

“Yes?”

“I know we did everything backwards, so I was wondering, hum, would you... Would you go on a date with me, some day?”

Clarke chuckled at how cute Lexa was right now, “Are you asking me if I would want to date you in the future, or go on a date next week?”

Lexa’s cheeks reddened. “Both?”

Clarke laughed this time, kissing Lexa quickly on the lips. “Yes, I would agree on going on a date with you. And maybe... Maybe I would also agree to date you”, Clarke added.

Lexa’s eyes shot open, a big smile growing on her lips, “you would?”

“Yeah, I mean, if you want that too” Clarke suddenly said, not so sure anymore, “like I know we are _more than friends_ but I don’t...”

Clarke was cut off by Lexa's lips on hers. “I want that too” Lexa smiled, resting her forehead on Clarke’s.

“Ok” Clarke whispered.

“So, may I take you on a date in a few days?” Lexa asked.

“You may” Clarke laughed at the girl’s behaviour, pocking at her chest. Lexa laughed too, and their kiss was interrupted by Ayden tugging at their shirts.

“Is dinner ready? Mommy stop kissing Lexa, she has to make dinner!” The boy pouted, making the girls laugh even more.

The three of them finally made dinner, Lexa washed the dishes as Clarke was put Ayden to sleep in Lexa’s bedroom.

* * *

Lexa sat on the couch, turning the TV on waiting for Clarke. Lexa knew they still had a lot to talk about, but there wasn’t any rush. Well, there was with Finn’s trial and everything, but the brunette didn’t want to push Clarke to talk about this.

Clarke finally came out of the bedroom and sat next to Lexa, immediately installing herself on Lexa’s chest. If Lexa’s heart exploded by the gesture, Clarke didn’t notice.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked, Lexa looked down at her, “I think, maybe Ayden should get back to school”.

Lexa nodded and shrugged at the same time, “if you think so.”

Clarke raised a brow at the girl. “That’s all? What do you think?”

It was Lexa’s turn to be surprised, she didn’t think Clarke was asking for her thoughts about it, “I don’t know Clarke, it’s your decision to make, you are his mother”.

Clarke mumbled something.

“What was that?” Lexa asked, seeing as Clarke wasn’t going to repeat herself Lexa began to tickle the girl to make her talk. "Tell me what you said” Lexa asked again, amused at Clarke who was trying to avoid her fingers. 

“ok ok I surrender” Clarke huffed with a smile back on her face, “I... I said I wanted us to make the decision together”, the blonde said in a whisper.

Lexa put her arms around Clarke, bringing her closer. “Why? It’s your decision to make, I’m not his mother, I will be ok with anything you decide!”

Clarke huffed again, burying herself more into Lexa’s embrace. “Clarke, we said we had to talk to each other” Lexa said.

“We are living with you, now. I just want you to be completely ok with this. I... I kind of want you to help me, with him, like hum, raising him and stuff...” Clarke trailed off, not sure if it was a good thing to continue talking.

Clarke wanted Lexa to be in Ayden’s life. After all, they were both living at her place, with her, they were a little family, and Clarke needed someone to make choices with her. She trusted Lexa and Ayden trusted her too, and it was hard to explain, but Clarke was feeling like Lexa should have something to say about Ayden.

Lexa’s heart was melting once again when she understood what Clarke was asking for. A sort of second parent. Not that Ayden didn’t already have two parents, but well we couldn’t say Finn was the father of the year, right?

“Ok then” Lexa said, drawing small circles on Clarke’s arms, “I think Ayden should indeed go back to school. I think he needs to go back into the world, to make friends his own age, you know? I don’t know where his previous school was, but we could look for a good one together, if you’d like”.

And Clarke sighed with relief; Lexa had understood. “I’d like that very much”.

Lexa smiled to the blonde who was fighting her sleep, kissing her forehead.

An hour later, Lexa carried Clarke to her bedroom, put her under the covers, and as she tried to remove her arms from under Clarke to go to sleep in the guest room, the still sleeping Clarke had tugged her into bed, snuggling in Lexa’s side in a second. Ayden had soon done the same thing, and Lexa had smiled at the two of them, soundly asleep and so, so cute. Lexa fell asleep shortly after, dreaming about Sundays with waffles, holidays and walks through the city, hand in hand.

 


	33. People With Cracks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE. I'm am SO SO sorry for the big wait. I did not give up on this story, and I will keep writing, so don't worry about that.  
> Life has been a mess the last couple of weeks, and I needed some time to think about the direction I wanted the story to go, collect some ideas, have a meeting with myself etc etc ;) but I'm back, and I have some chapters ready, and I think you are going to love the developments. This is a long chapter to make up to you guys!
> 
> A HUGE thank you for keeping up with me even if I didn't updated in a while! Also, if some of you have suggestions you'd like to see in the story, tell me, I'll try to incorporate your details in the story ;)
> 
> One last thing! I do have some people helping me with orthography, grammar and stuff, but they have a life too, so if you're good in English and you want me to update faster... Just send me your help! ;D
> 
> ENOUGH TALKING, ENJOY GUYS, and thank you Jemma for the corrections you made ;)
> 
> Find me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to chat some more !

_Song : She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles_  
  
Anya was pacing in front of Arcadia. Today, she had to inspect the whole building for Lexa; to see how much work they would need to carry out to make it viable and secure again. Ayden tugged at her sleeve.  
  
“Aya? Why are you walking?” the boy asked. 

“I’m not walking.” Anya answered. Ayden didn’t seem to buy it, since he threw a sceptic look at her.  
  
Anya chuckled. Ayden was to spend the day with her. She was on “baby-sitting duty”, Lexa had said. The girls wanted to look through a range of good schools for Ayden, near Lexa’s place and they didn’t want Ayden to be bored following them. Clarke had suggested they take him to Arcadia to spend the day with Octavia – who wasn’t doing anything, since she wasn’t on any mission, and as Anya needed to go over there for work, Lexa had suggested she take Ayden with her.  
  
Now, Ayden and Anya were waiting for Raven to come open the door. That’s why Anya was pacing, actually. I mean, there wasn’t anything between Raven and her, but man she couldn’t stop herself from embarrassing herself when she was in front of the brunette. Sure, they had texted a few times, first to flirt a little but mostly to talk about Lexa and Clarke. Anya had to say, things had not been easy during the last couple of weeks, and from what she had heard from Raven – because Lexa wasn’t much of a big talker, was she?- things were not going to be easier.  
  
“Rae!” Ayden shouted when he saw the girl opening the door, hugging her good leg.  
  
Raven laughed, hugging the boy back, but Anya didn’t miss the fake smile and the hiss of pain Raven escaped when Ayden was clinging to her.  
  
“Hello there Woods” Raven greeted Anya, who still hadn’t moved, focused on Raven.  
  
Damn, Anya had to admit, the Latina was gorgeous. She wasn’t very tall; like a head smaller than Anya, but she was still capturing Anya’s eyes every time she was moving. Anya quickly shook her head to get rid of those thoughts, because Raven was Clarke’s friend and Anya was Lexa’s cousin and she didn’t even know if the Latina was attracted in women and every other reason Anya tried to convince herself of.  
  
“You comin’ or what?” Raven said, holding the door for Anya.  
  
Anya nodded and followed Raven inside the building. It was quite simple, really ; stairs, heading to doors. Nothing more.  
  
“Ayden, Octavia’s here, do you want to go play with her while I show Anya around?” Raven asked the boy, making Anya’s heart double its rhythm.  
  
If Ayden was going to play with Octavia, that meant there wouldn’t be any barrier between them. Only Raven and Anya. In a building. Stop it Woods, Anya scoffed herself.  
  
They dropped Ayden at the Blakes’ apartment. Octavia was super happy and surprised by the prospect of Ayden staying alone with her; in the past Clarke had been so paranoid that she had always requested at least two people around her child, just in case something happened. Octavia was impressed that she had left Ayden under Anya’s guard too; I mean, Octavia could understand Clarke would let Ayden be alone with Lexa, but Anya...? Clarke and her didn’t seem that close. Or maybe Clarke was just getting rid of her paranoia and beginning to trust people again. Octavia couldn’t complain; Ayden was the sweetest child, and she was thrilled to spend some time with him. 

* * *

In Lexa’s loft, Clarke was finishing getting ready while Lexa was reading a few papers from work. She had taken the afternoon off to spend it with Clarke – a prospective Titus had absolutely not been thrilled about it all- but she still needed to get some work done. Especially to justify the fact that she had randomly bought a whole building for no reason; since she wasn’t about to give it to Nia. Now, she had a new building to take care of, and still another one to find for the "Queen" of Azgeda. Although she was doubting Nia _really_ needed one for the company.  
  
Lexa closed the files on the kitchen table, waiting for Clarke to come out of the bathroom. But Clarke didn’t show up.  
  
“Clarke?” Lexa rose from her chair, worried not to hear any sound.  
  
She entered her bedroom and lightly pushed the bathroom's door, calling Clarke's name another time. Then, she saw Clarke looking at herself in the mirror. Then, Lexa understood what seemed to bother the blonde, and her heart ached in her chest.

 _It's not simple to say_  
_That most days I don't recognize me_  
_That these shoes and this apron_  
_That place and its patrons_  
_Have taken more than I gave them_  
  
Clarke was still healing, and most of the bruises on her body were already fading, but you could still see every spot where Finn had hit her, every piece of skin which had been cut or bruised. Clarke was looking at herself with such hate and disgust and sadness that it instantly made Lexa want to throw up.

Clarke hadn’t seen her coming, and the brunette slowly slid both her arms around Clarke’s waist, hugging her from behind. Clarke jolted a little, surprised, but didn’t break her look on the mirror in front of her. Then, her eyes crossed Lexa’s on the glass, and she lowered her head in shame.

 _It's not easy to know_  
_I'm not anything like I used be, although it's true_  
_I was never attention's sweet center_  
_I still remember that girl_  
  
Clarke was ashamed, really ashamed she had let someone hurt her and her child this much without doing anything. Ashamed at herself for not being able to defend herself. In the glass, all she could see was this useless abused woman who couldn’t keep anyone safe. She was ugly. Worthless. And now, Lexa was here, caring about her, touching her, hugging her, and she couldn’t find a single reason why such a person would be this way with her.

 _She's imperfect, but she tries_  
_She is good, but she lies_  
_She is hard on herself_  
_She is broken and won't ask for help_  
  
Lexa sensed Clarke’s pain, and gently kissed her shoulder. “Head up, girl. Look in the glass” Lexa murmured into Clarke’s skin.  
  
Clarke looked up, locking her eyes into green ones.  
  
“Do you want to know what I see, when I look in this mirror?” Lexa asked, her voice still low and gentle.  
  
Clarke weakly nodded.  
  
“When I look at the woman in front of me” Lexa said, “I see someone with cracks. A lot of cracks”.  
  
Clarke frowned; she was not expecting this kind of answer.

_She is messy, but she's kind_  
_She is lonely most of the time_  
_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_  
_She is gone, but she used to be mine_

“I see someone with a heavy past, someone with some demons too” Lexa continued, and Clarke was feeling even more ashamed now.  
  
“But”, Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s shoulder again, “I also see someone still standing. Still here, still fighting. You have cracks Clarke, you’re not invincible. You can break from time to time but you are not too broken. You can still stand. You are strong” Lexa kissed Clarke’s neck, “you are powerful”, the brunette turned Clarke around to make the girl face her so she could kiss Clarke’s still bruised cheek, “and Clarke, you are so, so beautiful to me” Lexa whispered the last words.  
  
A tear rolled down Clarke’s face, which Lexa quickly wiped away with her thumb. “You, you are _not_ worthless” Lexa said again looking Clarke right in the eyes, as if she was reading Clarke’s thoughts, “don’t let anyone, or anything make you think this way”.  
  
Clarke couldn’t take it anymore, and buried her face into Lexa’s safe embrace. Lexa felt some tears falling on her shirt, but let Clarke get rid of her pain. Lexa’s heart was burning and breaking into thousands of pieces in her chest for the blonde, who she was completely and utterly falling in love with. Lexa wasn’t afraid anymore. She wasn’t afraid to admit it.  
  
She heard Clarke sniffle, and the blonde looked at her with glassy eyes. “Thank you” Clarke said. Lexa smiled back, gently leaning forwards to peck the blonde’s lips. “You are very welcome”.  
  
Clarke lightly smiled, and buried her face into Lexa’s neck once more, chuckling this time. “God, I hate being emotional”.  
  
It made Lexa laugh, and after a few minutes of hugs and light kisses, they were both ready to go out.

* * *

Back at Arcadia, Raven had almost shown Anya every spot in the building. Anya had noticed how Raven’s braced leg was now more trainer on the ground, and she knew the brunette was surely in pain. Anya hadn’t mentioned it yet; she had the feeling Raven wouldn’t accept the help anyway. But now, Raven wasn’t even trying to hide her pain anymore.

 _It's not what I asked for_  
_Sometimes life just slips in through a back door_  
_And carves out a person and makes you believe it's all true_  
_And now I've got you_  
  
“Raven, your leg is hurting” Anya stated.  
  
“Yes” Raven answered, still walking on the corridor to show Anya the last important spot of the building.  
  
They reached the basement, and Anya’s eyes widened; it was in very bad shape, and she couldn’t even figure out how the building hadn’t already fell apart.  
  
“So, you’ve seen it all. What do you think?” Raven asked, discretely leaning on the wall to support herself. Anya noticed it.  
  
“Honestly... It would be easier and cheaper to just destroy the damn thing and rebuild” Anya sighed.  
  
Raven nodded, appreciating Anya’s honesty. This building was crap, she knew it already; there were some apartments they had chosen not to live in, by fear they would collapse or worst.  
  
“Shall we go back up to see if Ayden hasn’t tired Octavia out yet?” Raven said, trying to laugh, but Anya could see the pain on her face. Also, they had like four stairs to go back to Octavia’s apartment. There was no way Raven was going to be able to go back up without help, and even the Latina knew it.  
  
“Do you want a horseback ride?” Anya said, winking at Raven, getting closer to her.  
  
Raven’s eyes widened as she understood what Anya was going to do. “Don’t you dare, Woods...” she threatened the girl, but Anya didn’t listen.  
  
In a single motion, Anya had already picked up Raven and put her on her back, graving the stairs. “Anya! Let me down!” Raven protested.  
  
“Not a chance! It’s not every day that I get to carry THE Raven Reyes!” Anya joked to make Raven accept the help more easily, referring to her as “THE” Raven Reyes, as she was calling herself. And it seemed to work, because Raven laughed, and soon they were in Octavia’s apartment when Anya finally put Raven down.

 _And you're not what I asked for_  
_If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back_  
_For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two_  
_For the girl that I knew_  
  
“Hey!” Ayden said when he saw the girls coming up the stairs, “it’s not fair! I want a horseback ride too!” he pouted, making everyone laugh.  
  
Anya took the kid on her back and run around in the apartment to district him while Octavia was helping Raven with her brace. Raven never talked about it, she didn’t want anyone to consider her as inferior or weak, but there was things she couldn’t do, or things she had to do if she didn’t want to be in pain all week. Octavia helped her getting on the couch and remove the brace so the girl could massage her leg. Raven hated the fact that she had to do so at least twice a day, even more if she had been walking or doing something which could tire her muscles off.  
  
Raven had never admitted it, but she was having a hard time not having Clarke around for this. Of course Octavia was great, she wasn’t making a great deal about it, but Clarke was the best with dealing with her leg. The blonde had been a nurse for a while, so she had treated Raven as a patient, not as a friend, and Raven had been really glad about it. She didn’t need pity. And she was fuckin’ glad Clarke was back. Raven was in pieces, and Clarke was the glue who had kept her from totally breaking. Clarke had understood. Clarke had been what Raven had needed her to be. Raven was full of cracks, but thanks to the blonde, she was still standing.  
  
Octavia helped her put the brace back into place, and then they all sat on the couch, turning the TV on and eating chocolate with bread at 4 pm. Anya didn’t know what she was supposed to do; her job in Arcadia was done, but Ayden seemed happy being with Octavia and Raven, and besides Lexa and Clarke hadn’t given her any indications about what to do next. Anya made sure her phone had the sound on, in case Lexa wanted to join her, and she decided that they could stay a little longer here. Octavia didn’t seem to mind as she was holding a glass of fruit juice for Anya. And Raven smiled when Anya sat down next to her. Yes, she could definitely stay a little longer.

* * *

Clarke and Lexa had been visiting schools for two hours now. One lady had even asked if they were married, making the girls blush a lot. The schools were all great, really. Well, there was one they both didn’t like, and they had crossed that one out of the list immediately. They had taken the list down to two schools, each one as good as the other, located a few blocks away from Lexa’s apartment. And as they couldn’t decide between the two, they had decided they would come back to the schools with Ayden, letting him make the final call. Clarke was beginning to get stressed a little; she hadn’t spoke to Ayden about going to school again, what if he didn’t want to?  
  
Lexa had obviously understood what was troubling Clarke, and had reassured her by saying that the schools were great, and that even she wanted to go there. This had made Clarke laugh, and warmed Lexa’s heart.

The girls  headed out of the last school, “So, what next?” Clarke asked Lexa, who shrugged.  
  
They could go fetch Ayden at Arcadia, or they could spend some time together. Alone. Bonding. Then, Lexa remembered something, making her smile.  
  
“Why are you smiling?” Clarke asked. 

“Would you like to go on a date with me? Right now?” Lexa said with a smile still on her face. Clarke chuckled as she remembered their conversation, and furiously nodded.  
  
“Ok then, let’s go” Lexa smiled. They were walking for a minute when their hands brushed against each other. They didn’t know who made the first move, but a few seconds later, Clarke had her hand entwined with Lexa’s and the two of them had beamed smiles on their faces like teenagers.  
  
In front of the place Lexa had led them to, Clarke stopped, recognising the café. It was the same one Lexa had taken Ayden and her, on one of the first times they had met.  
  
“We’ve been to this place before” Clarke said while Lexa nodded. They entered the café and sat inside. A waitress brought her the menu, and Clarke frowned. 

“Lexa.”

 “Yes, Clarke?”

 “This is all almost written in french” Clarke said, not understanding a single word.

“Oh. Yes, it is” Lexa confirmed. She had never paid attention to it before, as she understood the language well. It was one of the many things a bilingual person had to deal with; the languages sometimes became mixed up.

“I can’t _understand_ french” Clarke said with a sigh. She loved the language, really, but it was too hard to learn.  
  
“That’s ok” Lexa shrugged, “I’ll translate”.  
  
Clarke concentrated, remembering something. “Last time we were here. What did you take?”  
  
“Un café viennois. Why?” Lexa raised a brow.  
  
“I want this. _Un cafey vieynois_.”  
  
It made Lexa chuckle, because Clarke talking in french was really cute.  
  
“What? Don’t laugh!” Clarke said, lightly hiting Lexa’s arm, “where did you learn to speak french anyway?"  
  
Lexa tensed at the question. Then, she remembered it was Clarke. She could talk to Clarke. She could open herself to her. It was ok.  
  
“I lived there. With my parents” Lexa explained. Clarke was looking at her with interested eyes, wanting to know more. 

“Anya and her family used to live there, too.” Lexa took a deep breath. “My parents died when I was young. Then, I went to live with Anya. That’s why we are so close”.  
  
Clarke took Lexa’s hand in hers, not saying anything, not pushing her to continue her explanations if she didn’t want to, but showing Lexa she was there.  
  
“We moved  to America with Anya’s father’s job. But Anya’s parents eventually died, too.” Lexa said. She felt Clarke gently squeeze her hand.  
  
“And then I inherited all of the twelve companies part of Coalition Corp. And moved to Polis” Lexa finished her explanations.  
  
She looked up at Clarke, expecting to see pity in her eyes; she was surprised when she saw everything but pity. Compassion. Understanding. Support.  
  
“You moved a lot.” Clarke said, “So, teach me some french.”  
  
 It brought a smile back on Lexa’s face. “What do you want to learn?”

 “I don’t know!” Clarke shrugged, and then thought, “How do you say hello?”

 “Bonjour” Lexa answered, and Clarke repeated the word with a sweet american accent. 

“Ok, I got this one” Clarke said, “How do you say... fuck?”  
  
Lexa raised a brow at the question, “the bad word, or the verb?” 

“The bad word.”

 “Putain. Or we say merde, which means shit” Lexa answered, and laughed when Clarke said the words.

* * *

“French is cool” Clarke concluded after an hour of learning new words.

Lexa smiled, because French was even cooler coming from Clarke’s mouth. They had finished their drinks, and Lexa paid for it. When she did so, Clarke noticed something she hadn’t noticed before; Lexa was wearing a kind of backless shirt, revealing a bit of her tattoo.  
  
“Lexa?”

“Yeah?”  
  
“I didn’t know you had a tattoo on your back” Clarke murmured, fascinated by the circles on the girl’s back. Clarke was aware of the one on Lexa’s arm, but not the back one.  
  
Lexa frowned first, because she knew she had explained it to someone, and then remembered she had talked to Ayden about it, and it’s not like Clarke had seen her naked. Which she hadn’t. _Yet_.  
  
Lexa turned a bit on her chair so Clarke could see better. “What are the circles for?” Clarke gently asked, showing Lexa she didn’t have to answer the question if she didn’t want to.  
  
But Lexa wanted to. She wanted Clarke to know everything. She wasn’t ready to tell her everything yet, but she was getting there, step after step. “There is a circle for every person I cared about. Who died” Lexa answered, remembering when she had had the first two circles tattooed on her back.  
  
Clarke absently nodded, eye-tracing the tattoo. She didn’t ask who those individuals were. She knew Lexa would tell her when she would be ready.  
  
But Lexa had other thoughts, as she got up and held her hand for Clarke to take. “I want to show you something”, Lexa said.  
  
Clarke raised a brow at the girl, but took her hands anyway and followed Lexa outside.  
  
“Oh wait Lexa” Clarke remembered, “I just have to call Octavia to see if everything is going ok. I’ll be quick”  
  
“Okay” Lexa smiled while Clarke was calling Octavia.  
  
Clarke went a few steps away, while Lexa was looking at her. Clarke was beautiful. The wind was making her golden hair even more wavy and Lexa loved it. There was something in Clarke, maybe the way she was standing, that was capturing Lexa’s eyes. Lexa knew she was screwed. She knew there was no coming back from it now. And as surprising as it was, Lexa didn’t want to. She wanted to take the risk, even if she was going to get hurt at the end. Clarke was worth it. She wanted to try again. After Costia’s death, she had tried so, so hard, to convince herself that love was weakness. But Clarke... Clarke was making it look easy. Clarke was turning love and affection into powers. It couldn’t be a weakness. And after all this time... Maybe this time Lexa wanted to be consumed in love again.  
  
Clarke got back from her call with Octavia. “Seems like they are having fun” Clarke said, “Anya said she would bring Ayden back at our place around 7”.  
  
Lexa nodded, a bright smile on her face. Clarke had said our place. And it really was. 

“Ok, where are we going?” Clarke then asked, looking at Lexa and intertwining their fingers together.

* * *

“Aya you’re cheating! You can’t take this way!” Ayden yelled in the living-room, completely into the car game they were playing.  
  
Monty, Jasper and their respective girlfriends had came home from work, and the boys had thought it would be fun to install the new PS4 console on the TV, starting a big competition. And now, everyone was screaming, throwing advises to allies and threats to enemies. Even Anya was part of the game, playing for Team 1 with Octavia and Monty, while Raven, Jasper, Harper and Ayden were part of the other team. Of course, Ayden was more like a supporter than a real player; he was still a little bit young to play it correctly, and he loved encouraging his team anyway.  
  
This round was opposing Raven against Anya, it was ugly. The two girls were really focused, with Monty and Jasper yelling techniques at them. They were all competitive, so everyone was 100% involved in the game.  
  
“back off Woods!” Raven growled when Anya’s car blocked her the way, making Raven’s fall into the roadside.  
  
Anya smirked, but not too long, because soon Raven was back full speed and doubla Anya just before the finish line.  
  
“YEEEEES TAKE THAT BABY!” Raven screamed in joy.  
  
 “That’s my girl!” Jasper congratulated her while Ayden was dancing in joy in front of the TV. “We are never going to hear the end of it” Octavia huffed, leaning back into the couch in frustration.  
  
“Don’t be sad O” Raven said with a big smirk on her face, “one month on dishes duty, it will pass by in a blur!”  
  
Octavia groaned, throwing a pillow into Raven’s face. “Anya I hate you for losing.”  
  
Anya sighed too, because she knew Raven would never let it go. They handed the remotes to the boys, and got into the kitchen to get something to drink.  
  
“So, that was fun!” Raven said, once sat in the kitchen.   
  
“Oh shut up already” Octavia huffed, handing her a bottle of water.  
  
Screams erupted from the living-room, and they turned around to see what was going on. Jasper and Monty were yelling at each other while playing; very funny to see. Then, Octavia pointed towards Ayden, laying down on the couch.  
  
“Looks like someone is beginning to get tired” Octavia chuckled.  
  
“Yeah, I should probably go. I said to Clarke he was going to be back at 7” Anya said, smiling while watching the boy progressively lose his fight against sleep.  
  
Octavia and Raven nodded. They had learned to be punctual, all of them. They were never late. Or if they were going to be late, they were always sending a lot of texts to be sure at least one of them knew about it. Too many things had happened because of people being late.  
  
“Thanks for today. It was fun” Anya thanked the girls. “We should do it again. Sometime" Raven said.  
  
“So you can kick our asses again? I think I’ll pass” Octavia huffed again, making the others girls chuckle.

* * *

Clarke and Lexa were walking for some time now, hand in hand, in a comfortable silence. From time to time, Lexa would point to something, showing Clarke some statues or mural painting in the streets. Clarke hadn’t really told Lexa about her art yet, but Lexa had noticed some sketch books in Clarke’s bags with drawings who were too good to be Ayden’s.  
  
Clarke was really appreciating their “date”; she used to love being outside, in the open space, and it was really good to be able to go out and feel safe. Clarke hadn’t felt safe outside in a long time. They entered a park, and Clarke could feel Lexa’s hand begin to shake. They approached a bench, and Lexa stopped walking.  
  
“Ok” Lexa said, trying to gain courage. She wanted Clarke to know about Costia. They had talked about her a little at Christmas, but Lexa wanted Clarke to know a bit of her past, too.  
  
“This is a special place, to me” Lexa murmured, waving her hand around, “this is the place where I met Costia.”  
  
Clarke smiled at her, encouraging her to go on. The blonde remembered Lexa telling her about this girl she had lost, on Christmas. She knew Lexa wasn’t trying to make her uncomfortable, but probably needed to get it off her chest, and Clarke was glad Lexa was opening herself to her.  
  
“She was funny, and sweet and lovely” Lexa chuckled, “but I never had time for her. My work was keeping me up all day, all night too when I would come home. But Costia never complained, until...”  
  
Lexa stopped. She wasn’t ready to tell Clarke the circumstances of Costia’s death yet, but she didn't want Clarke to think she was not trusting her or anything. But Clarke understood, and lightly squeezed Lexa’s hand.  
  
“After she died, I was broken” Lexa continued in a tiny voice, “and I didn’t think I could care about anyone else like this”.  
  
Clarke’s heart stopped, because she was sure Lexa was confessing the fact she cared a lot about Clarke. Obviously Clarke knew it already, but it was something else to hear it. Clarke wanted to ask Lexa for more, but didn’t want to push the girl.  
  
“You have cracks, too” Clarke said instead.   
  
Lexa turned around to face Clarke, nodding. “I have cracks too”.  
  
“But you’re still standing.”  
  
“I am” Lexa confirmed with a tiny smile. She wanted Clarke to know that the things that had happened to you didn’t need to define you if you didn’t want them to. She wanted her to know that she was her own person. She could be the person she wanted to be, and that the scars she had didn’t have to make her look anything else than a fighter.  
Clarke leaned on Lexa’s shoulders, admiring the view from the bench spot. When Lexa felt the blonde shiver because of the wind, she smiled.  
  
“Let’s go home” Lexa whispered, leading the way. 

* * *

They were back in the flat for ten minutes when Anya brought Ayden back. The boy was sleeping, and Lexa quickly went to pick him from Anya’s arms. If Anya was impressed by Lexa’s caring side, and if Clarke’s heart was melting by the attention Lexa was giving her son, they didn’t show it.  
  
Lexa took the sleeping boy into her bedroom. She really wanted to talk to Clarke about making the guest-room into a child bedroom for Ayden, but since they hadn’t spoke about it with Ayden or Clarke , she didn’t want the boy to wake up tomorrow morning without knowing where he was.  
  
Once Ayden had been put in bed, Anya stayed for a last coffee before heading out. Lexa went to make a few calls to Titus to talk work things while Clarke was getting into some pyjamas.  
  
Clarke was back into the bathroom, looking at her own reflection again. She didn’t know what to think. Everything Finn had done was still written on her memory, on her face and body. 

_For the girl that I knew_

  
_Who'll be reckless, just enough_  
_Who'll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up_  
_When she's bruised and gets used by a man who can't love_  


Her face was still not totally hers yet, that was true, but it was better every day. Then, she heard Lexa saying goodbye to Titus, and she smiled. She remembered the girl telling her she was beautiful. Clarke chuckled, because she could still feel every spot Lexa had kissed her, earlier in the day. She was worthy, to Lexa. And curiously, it was all that mattered.

_And then she'll get stuck_  
_And be scared of the life that's inside her_  
_Growing stronger each day 'til it finally reminds her_  
_To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes_  
_That's been gone, but used to be mine_

* * *

Lexa was waiting for Clarke under the blankets. They still hadn’t spoke about sleeping arrangements, but Lexa didn’t even think about it. She was getting worried though, as Clarke was taking a long time to come out, and didn’t want to find her in the same state as this morning.  
  
But Clarke exited the bathroom, turning the light off and slid under the covers, snuggling against Lexa’s body. It made Lexa smile as she was putting both her arms around her girl.  
  
“Thank you for today” Clarke whispered to the brunette, kissing her.  
  
Lexa melted into the kiss, and slowly Clarke was on top of Lexa, kissing her lips, her nose, her forehead, her cheeks, every piece of skin Clarke could have access to. The blondes locks were tickling Lexa’s face and made her wiggle into the kiss. Clarke smiled too, and then dropped herself onto Lexa, burying her face into her neck. Lexa chuckled again, sliding a hand under Clarke’s shirt, drawing small circles on the Blonde’s back. Clarke hummed in contentment as Ayden was coming closer to Lexa, too. She put her other hand on Ayden’s back, and the three of them were fast asleep, making good dreams.

_She is messy, but she's kind_  
_She is lonely most of the time_  
_She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie_  
_She is gone, but she used to be mine_


	34. Paint On The Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEEEEEEEEY guys i'm back! I'm so so thankful for all the comments and nice things you're telling me, and i'll keep writing for you guys! 
> 
> ENJOY :) 
> 
> Come talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to chat about anything! ;)

_Song : I love you by Woodkid_

The sun was creeping out of the curtains, slowly awaking Lexa. She felt something shift in the sheets, coming closer to her, and smiled when she noticed Ayden looking at her with curious eyes and messy hair.

“Hey Ayden” Lexa whispered, not wanting to wake Clarke up, “did you sleep well?”

The boy nodded, still looking at Lexa with a weird expression.

“What is it?” Lexa asked, half-intrigued half-amused by the staring boy.

“I’m waiting for you to get up so we can do pancakes for Mommy” he said, and Lexa smiled to him.

“Alright buddy”, Lexa chuckled, “let’s go make pancakes”. Ayden happily hummed, getting rid of the covers to get up. Lexa moved to do the same, but Clarke was still sleeping quite on her, and the blonde tightened her embrace when she felt Lexa move.

It made Lexa chuckle as she slowly removed herself from the Blonde’s arms, kissing her forehead before leaving the room.

Ayden had already picked up his toys and was making some kind of race between his vehicles, making very cute noises in the living-room. Lexa shivered when her feet touched the cold floor, and quickly picked up two pairs of socks and sweaters for them to wear.

“Ayden, come here” She called him, “put those clothes on so you don’t get sick”.

“Thank you Yexa” the boy smiled, quickly hugging the girl’s legs and went back to his toys like nothing had happened. Lexa was still shocked, though. She still wasn’t used to live with a child, and she was stunning herself at how motherly she could be with a kid who wasn’t even her own. Ayden wasn’t any child though. It was Clarke’s, to start. And as time was passing by... Maybe Lexa was starting to consider him as her own kid, too. Maybe.  

Lexa laughed when Ayden spent the five minutes looking for another toy in the apartment. “We need to get you a room to put all your toys in” Lexa joked. Ayden didn’t say anything, but Lexa was too busy gathering the items to do pancakes to notice it.

Ayden sat down on a chair while Lexa was making breakfast; it had become a sort of tradition, whenever Lexa and Ayden would got up early enough to do pancakes before she had to leave to go to work. She purred a glass of juice, put it in front of Ayden, who seemed to be lost in his thoughts.

“Ayden? You’re ok buddy?” Lexa gently asked while flipping pancakes over.

“I don’t understand” he murmured, turning the glass into his fingers.

“What do you not understand?” Lexa asked, frowning; she didn’t like to see Ayden preoccupied like this.

“It’s not like before” Ayden said.

“What is not?”

“I don’t know. Things” Ayden shrugged.

Lexa stopped cooking pancakes so she could focus on the boy. She sat next to him, making him look at her. “You know you can tell me anything you want, Ayden” She gently said.

Ayden sighed. He knew this. He just didn’t know how to say what was on his mind. Maybe he was a little scared, too.

“How long are we going to live here?” he asked then, taking Lexa by surprise.

“I don’t know” Lexa sincerely answered, “do you not like being here?”

“No I like it” he quickly said, “I don’t want to leave, but...”

Lexa knew he wanted to ask something –he had the same expression as Clarke- but was too afraid to say so. “Tell me”, she encouraged him.

“In the other house, I had a room for me. Finn said it was because he didn’t want me to bother them when they wanted to sleep” he explained, looking a bit afraid, “do I bother you too?”

And Lexa’s brows raised; why would he think that? And then, she remembered saying they were going to give him a room. The boy must have taken this as a rejection.

“Oh no, Ayden, you don’t bother me at all” she quickly said, getting up to take the boy in her arms to reassure him, “I like sleeping with you and your mommy.” Well, this wasn’t entirely true; the nights would probably be a lot different if Ayden wasn’t in bed with them. _If you see what I mean..._

Ayden hummed, burying his head into Lexa’s neck. Lexa was always taken aback by how Clarke and Ayden were alike, sometimes. Not physically, of course, because Ayden looked a little more like Finn, for what Lexa had seen. But in the inside... They were SO the same. What was soothing one of them was also soothing the other one.

“I was thinking about giving you a room, not because you bother me, but rather so you could have a big space just for you” Lexa explained, carrying him to the guest room.

She made Ayden looked at the room. “You see? We could put a special bed over there for big boys like you” Lexa gestured in a corner of the room, “and here, we could put a closet or a commode with clothes and superheroes suits in it”.

Ayden’s eyes were finding their joy back as Lexa was talking. “Here, big boxes for your toys” Lexa said again, “and maybe a little desk, if you want to draw or write things?” She didn’t mention the _“do to your homework”_ part, because Clarke hadn’t talk about it with him yet.

Ayden nodded. “You could still sleep with us if you are afraid to sleep alone” Lexa gently said, looking in his eyes, “but this would be your place. Your bedroom”.

“My own?” Ayden asked.

“Yes!” Lexa answered, smiling at him, “what do you say?”

Ayden nodded. A place for himself would be cool. Especially if he could still sleep with Lexa and his mom when he was scared of the dark and all the noises he wasn’t familiar yet with.

“Can we... Can we pain the walls with colours?” he shyly asked.

“Of course” Lexa chuckled, “which colour?”

“I don’t know!” Ayden brightly answered, getting excited by the prospective, “blue! Or... Green! Red?”

Lexa laughed and put him back on the floor. “We have to do some big researches then!”

Ayden seriously nodded, going back to the kitchen table. Lexa still had a smile on her face while watching the little boy run in the living-room with the sweater way too big for him. Lexa told herself she would have to talk with Clarke about getting new clothes for the boy. Lost in her thoughts, she hadn’t seen Clarke leaning on a wall. She had been there for quite some time, observing Lexa suggesting things for Ayden’s bedroom. And Clarke fell in love with her. Well, she already had, but she fell in love again. On spot.

Lexa smiled to the still half-sleeping blonde watching her. “Hey there”.

Clarke didn’t say anything, not telling Lexa she had heard almost everything, and lazily put her arms around Lexa and hugged her. It had become their way to say hello to each other. It was funny to see those two interact, really; they were never too far from each other if they had the choice, rarely exchanging with words. It was always light touches, hugs, sometimes chase kisses. It was like they sometimes needed to synchronise themselves on each other.

“I made pancakes” Lexa said, pulling back from the hug, kissing Clarke on her forehead.

“I know, it smells good in the whole apartment” Clarke chuckled, taking Lexa hands to lead them to the kitchen where Ayden was already eating the first few pancakes Lexa had made.

Of course, there was maple syrup all over the table and clothes, but everything was so cute Lexa took a quick picture of Clarke and Ayden laughing as Clarke was trying to clean his face, and put it as her new wallpaper on her phone with a big smile on her lips.

She took a look at the clock; she needed to get ready fast if she didn’t want to be late. And she couldn’t be late, as she had so much work to do.

Half an hour later, Lexa was ready to head out. Ayden was in the guest-room playing with toys, warming Lexa’s heart; this meant he was cool with the idea of having his own bedroom. She was still kind of stressed out though; she had never really talked about it with Clarke, and she didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable or anything.

“You’re leaving?” Clarke asked. She knew Lexa had to go to work, but she hated it nevertheless.

“Yes” Lexa sighed; she hated leaving them too, “you have everything you need for lunch in the fridge, okay?”

Clarke nodded. The pair shared a quick kiss, and Lexa headed for the door.

“Lexa?” The blonde suddenly asked before Lexa had closed the door behind her.

“Yes?”

“I’m going to talk to Ayden about going back to school. Maybe go visit the two we picked up. Is that ok?” Clarke asked, searching for Lexa’s approval. She knew well Lexa wasn’t Ayden’s mother and that she officially didn’t need Lexa’s agreement, but she needed to be sure she was making things right with her kid. She couldn’t screw up anymore. She needed to be responsible. Be a real grown up, and deal with things instead of running from it.

Lexa smiled. “Yes, it’s a good idea”, but then frowned. “If you’re getting out, maybe... Maybe ask someone not busy to go with you?” Lexa suggested. She was sad she couldn’t go with Ayden and Clarke, and she wasn’t really comfortable with the idea of Clarke and Ayden alone in the streets either.

Clarke nodded; she would have asked for someone to come with them anyways. They shared a last smile, and Lexa was gone.

* * *

 

Clarke made Ayden take a bath, and had her teeth clenched the whole time. She wanted to cry and scream every time she was seeing the angry scar on Ayden’s back; proof she had failed him as his mother. But Clarke also knew she wasn’t completely responsible for everything bad that had happened to them, and past was past. She couldn’t change it. But she could be better. She could be the safety her kid needed, his support too. She was trying to get her life back, and that was starting by making Ayden feel safe and loved and secured.

“Put some clothes on honey” Clarke chuckled when Ayden ran out of the bathroom still naked.

They both sat on the couch, watching some cartoons on TV.

“Ayden, I want to talk to you about something” Clarke gently said.

The kid turned himself towards his mother, ready to listen to whatever she had to say.

“You remember that, before coming to live here with Lexa, you were going to school on some days?” Clarke asked.

“Yes” Ayden shrugged. He used to like going to school, playing with other kids. Ayden had always been a social kid, making a lot of friends. Before. Now, he was happy just to stay at home all day long, playing with his new toys and waiting for Lexa to come back. He liked Lexa a lot; and was always sad when she couldn’t stay home with them all day too.

“Great, so maybe it’s time for you to go back at school, now that we are living here.” Clarke said, making a pause to be sure the kid had understood her, “what do you think?”

Ayden frowned, looking at his mother with a suspicious look. “Does Lexa agree?” he asked, taking Clarke by surprise.

“Yes, she does” Clarke answered, “and yesterday, we went to visit some schools her and me, to see which one would be better. What do you think?”

Ayden shrugged. “Does that mean we are going to leave this place?”

“No”, Clarke frowned, “We are going to stay here. It doesn’t mean you can’t go to school, you can both go to school and live here”.

Clarke waited for the boy’s answer; which didn’t come.

“You know, school is very important” Clarke said again as Ayden wasn’t answering, “you will learn how to read properly, how to write, how to count...”

Ayden’s eyes lightened up. “Count like Lexa?” He had seen Lexa looking through pages of numbers a few times before, while she was doing some Coalition Corp’s business, and it had stunned him a lot.

“Yes, like Lexa” Clarke confirmed, smiling.

“Ok”, the boy said, “I want to go to school again”. Clarke laughed at his enthusiasm.

“Great. Do you want to go out today, and visit the two schools we went to yesterday?” The blonde asked her son.

“Will Lexa come too?” the boy wondered, and pouted a little when Clarke explained that she wouldn’t come because she was at work for the whole day. Clarke had suggested they invite one of their Arcadia friends, and Raven had gladly accepted to come, as she had the day off.

* * *

 

After lunch, Lincoln had brought Raven to Lexa’s place, and the three of them were walking on the streets, heading to the first school Lexa and Clarke had picked up the day before.

Ayden was walking a few steps ahead, playing with little rocks on the pavement.

“So, Ayden is going to school again” Raven started the conversation, “How do you feel about that?”

Clarke sighed, because she didn’t really know. “It will be weird, not having him under my eyes all the time”.

Neither woman brought the fact that Clarke was going to be alone at Lexa’s place all day long, even if they both know it was clearly implied in the question.

“You trust Lexa with Ayden” Raven stated. She knew Lexa had only proven herself to be kind and caring for Ayden and his mother, but still, she was finding weird the fact that Clarke was now living with someone she didn’t know about the month before. Not to mention the fact Clarke had been paranoid with her son, not letting anyone look after him alone. She had let Lexa, though. And Anya. Who was really hot, by the way.

“I do” Clarke nodded.

“She must be someone” Raven said again.

Clarke raised a brow at her friend; knowing where she wanted to go with her questions/not questions.

“I’m just saying that, you didn’t trust any of us like this with Ayden before” Raven shrugged, “So I’m only concluding she has something, or _do_ something, we don’t.”

Clarke could see Raven was trying to act like it was no big deal; except it was. She shook her head to show Raven she disagreed. “I was wrong not to trust you guys” the Blonde confessed, “and Lexa kind of kicked my paranoia out” she chuckled, making Raven chuckle too. “I trust her with Ayden, because she saved my life and his”, Clarke said, “and I _do_ trust you. Did I not let Ayden go to Arcadia to hang with you guys yesterday, without me being here?”

Raven smiled, because that was true. Octavia and herself had been really impressed.

“But... Ayden, he is my _son,_ Rae” Clarke sighed, “he is the most precious thing I have, and sometimes I’m worrying so much I feel like I’m going to die”.

“Wait until he’s old enough to come home at 6 in the morning completely drunk” Raven shot back with a smirk on her face.

It made Clarke laugh. “I now wonder why I bother myself with a kid”.

“Not like you _chose_ it either” Raven sighed back.

“Yeah” Clarke sighed too. “I’m happy it happened, though.”

Raven smiled to her Blonde friend. Clarke’s pregnancy hadn’t been desired at all, but if she had wanted for it to happen, she couldn’t have asked for a better kid than Ayden. 

“How are you, though?” Clarke asked her friend, changing the subject. She had heard from Lexa – who had herself heard it from Anya- that Raven had had a hard time yesterday with her leg.

“Fine, I guess” Raven sighed. This wasn’t true; her leg was hurting all day long for a few weeks now, but Raven didn’t want to worry Clarke. The girl had enough things to handle on her plate already.

But Clarke sensed it, of course. “Don’t lie to me, Rae” she said, “I want the truth”.

Raven sighed again. “Fine. My leg hurts like hell, all the time, even if I’m not standing. I don’t know, it’s just... It’s just always painful. I think the meds aren’t working anymore”.

Clarke’s heart broke while hearing Raven. She knew well the role she had played in Raven’s healing, and she knew even better how her absence must have been hard for Raven. The Latina hadn’t said anything about it to Clarke, but Octavia had told her.

“I’m sorry for leaving, Rae” Clarke apologised, “but I’m back now. Maybe we could start again some massage sessions?”

Raven smiled, thanking Clarke with her eyes, nodding. Raven wasn’t an open-heart person. She was rarely talking about her feelings; didn’t mean Clarke couldn’t read her nonetheless.

“I’m glad you’re back” Raven confessed with a tiny voice. It wasn’t much; but for Raven, it was a huge confession, and Clarke knew it.

Clarke smiled to her friend. “I’m glad I’m back, too”. Raven then made a funny face with her tongue out, because of course she couldn’t be serious for too long; and the both of them laughed, happy to be in each other’s presence.

“Ayden, come here!” Clarke called her child as they had made it to the first school.

* * *

 

In her office, Lexa was finding the day endless. Hours didn’t seem to pass by, and Titus was really getting on her nerves. Thankfully he had sensed it, and had made John Murphy do the hard work. But what Titus didn’t know was that Lexa and Murphy knew each other, now. The man was asking about Clarke from time to time, and Lexa could see he was really interested with the answer. Lexa didn’t know the reasons why, but she knew John Murphy was a bit apart of the group. The others rarely talked about him, and it seemed like he was avoiding being around all of them as much as he can. He seemed to genuinely care about Clarke though, talking about her with a shown respect. Lexa could only wonder what had happened between Clarke and him for John to be respectful like this.

“Heda” Murphy said, walking into the office, “I have some papers for you. Titus said they had to be read and signed by tomorrow morning”.

Lexa huffed; she was the CEO, but with Titus she was often being treated like a child. “Thanks, Murphy. I’m sorry Titus is making you do the dirty work because he is afraid to face me when I’m in a mood.”

“It’s ok” the boy shrugged, “it gives me a reason not to stay around him all day long”.

Lexa let a small smile escape from her lips. She liked John Murphy. Well, maybe she mostly liked him because he disliked Titus too.

“Bye, Heda” Murphy said while heading for the door. At first, he had thought that calling Lexa Woods _Heda_ was stupid, and now he was slowly beginning to learn the signification of the term, as he was spending more and more time travelling between Coalition Corp’s twelve companies. Lexa really had put everyone together, and having seen all the good she had done by creating the group, he was now giving her a lot of respect. And coming from him... That was an exploit.

“Oh, John?” Lexa called him, stopping him; he wasn’t used to people calling him John. Emori was usually the only one calling him that. Sometimes she even wondered if the others even remembered his first name. He turned around to see what Lexa had to say.

“Where’s no one around, you can call me Lexa”, the brunette said with a smile.

Murphy nodded, thanking her, and exited the room. Lexa sighed, putting the files on top of a bunch of others, and leaned back in her rolling chair. It was 5pm, she still had to be stuck here for another two before going home. Not that she had any schedule to respect, as she was CEO, but it would not been seen well by the ambassadors if she was to leave before 7pm.

Lexa exaggeratedly sighed before opening the files and beginning the reading. Man, how bored she was. 

* * *

 

Clarke and Raven were heading out of the first school.

“So little man, how did you find this one?” Raven asked.

“It was ok. The teacher seems nice” the boy shrugged. Raven looked to Clarke, who shrugged too, not having an explanation for her son’s behaviour.

“Ok, let’s go to the second one!” Clarke said, leading the way.

Ten minutes later, they were inside the other school. Clarke liked this one better, but just because it was a lot more colourful than the first one. Except that, both schools seemed to be really great.

They went to see the Headmaster, and then the teacher Ayden would have if he was to choose this school. Ayden barely talked, and Clarke was getting worried she was forcing her son to do something he was not ready for yet. Or maybe he was just tired. He was only five, after all.

Ayden walked by all the corridors the school had, entered in every classroom without saying a word. Clarke could see he was studying things, though; his eyes were wandering everywhere, like he was trying to memorise everything.

When they had finished, night was slowly rising, so they hurried themselves to get home. The school was a five minute walk away from the loft, so they were home quickly.

Ayden removed his coat and shoes, and went back into the guest-room to play. Raven and Clarke looked at each other with worried looks, following him.

“Ayden?” Clarke asked, “What did you think of the schools?”

“They were cool” he shrugged, still playing.

“Is there one you would rather go?” Raven asked then.

“I don’t know” the boy said again, “both were fine”.

Clarke frowned again; it wasn’t like Ayden to have nothing to say. “You’re ok, buddy?”

“Is Lexa coming home soon?” He asked.

“Yes, I think so” Clarke answered.

Ayden sighed and got back to his games. Clarke and Raven let him play alone after that. Maybe he was just being moody. Raven was gone half an hour later, after Clarke had made her promise to call her soon for a massage session. Later, Monty had called Clarke, asking if Ayden would want to spend the night with everyone in Arcadia, as Tris was going to be there.

Tris was a 4 years old girl and Monty’s little cousin, who he was often baby-sitting. Ayden and Tris were good friends, and Octavia had said Ayden would stay with her and Bellamy and Lincoln in their flat for the night, so Clarke had agreed. Three adults to watch over her kid at night, she could accept that. Ayden had too, and now they were waiting for Lincoln and Octavia to come pick the boy up. 

* * *

 

Lexa was finally heading out of her building, glad she was about to come home. She wasn’t fully complaining though, because so far she hadn’t had any troubles with buying the Arcadia building and Nia hadn’t make a single move to protest or anything; which was cool. And also slightly worrying her, too.

Today, Gustus was to take her home; she had made someone do groceries for her, and she couldn’t carry everything by herself to her place on feet.

“Thanks Gustus” she said when she headed out of the car, picking her stuff up. She had made one of her assistants bought paint for the guest-room, and brushes and some canvas for Clarke too, to surprise them.

She opened her door, kind of surprised the loft was calm.

“Hey Lexa”, Clarke greeted her and then frowned, “What’s all this? Let me help you”. They put the stuff down, and Lexa removed her coat, not before stealing a quick hug from Clarke.

“Where’s Ayden?” Lexa asked, worried to not see him run towards her at full speed, “did your day go well?”

“Yeah, he is in the guest-room” Clarke said, “but I don’t know, he was kind of off today”.

Lexa hummed, removing her shoes.

“Hum, Lexa?” Clarke shyly asked.

“Yeah?” Lexa was looking curiously at Clarke; since the Blonde was suddenly acting shy.

“Were you serious? About making the guest-room into Ayden’s bedroom?” Clarke murmured, kind of afraid to hear the answer.

“Yes I was” Lexa frowned, “Was it too soon, or too much?”

Clarke quickly shook her head “No! No it’s perfect, but I... I didn’t think...”

“Clarke”, Lexa said, interrupting her and putting her arms around the Blonde’s body, “I was serious about everything. And since we agreed you both were to stay a little longer... It cannot hurt if he has his own room, right?”

Clarke hummed, lightly kissing Lexa’s neck. This made a shiver run all over the Brunette’s body, and she felt Clarke smile against her skin. Fortunately, Clarke was too buried in Lexa’s neck to see her blush furiously for because of her body’s reaction.

Then, they saw Ayden heading out of the guest-room. “Yexa, you’re home!” he said, smiling to her and coming towards her with his arms open. Lexa’s heart melted as she was picking him up.

“Hi there buddy, how was your day?” Lexa said, tickling him a little.

“It was ok, I went to visit two schools with Mommy and Rae” he answered.

“Oh, that’s cool!” Lexa then said. She was feeling like it wasn’t an easy topic to speak about with him, so she pointed the stuff she had bought with her fingers.

“Look Ayden, do you know what those big stuff are?” Lexa asked the boy.

“No?”

“This is some paint. For your room.” Lexa said with a smile on her lips, as she watched Ayden’s eyes widening.

“Awesome! Can we paint the walls now?” Ayden shrieked his good mood back.

Lexa laughed, and Clarke was stunned. Ayden had given her and Raven the cold shoulder all day, and Lexa was here for like, five minutes, and he had a beamed smile on his face already.

“We have to think about what to do first!” Lexa explained to the boy, carrying him in her arms to the guest-room, “because look. If we paint this wall in some colour, this wall has to stay white because...”

As Clarke was watching Lexa explaining everything to Ayden, she was picturing them five, ten, twenty years later, still together, talking about what colour to put on which walls. Ayden was completely absorbed in everything Lexa was saying to him, carefully listening to her. Clarke could see it; his eyes were watching Lexa’s every move. Then, the doorbell rang, and Lexa put Ayden down so he could go fetch his bag for the night, after making sure with Clarke that it had been planned and they were expecting people. Lexa didn’t want strangers to knock at her door, did she?

They opened the door for Octavia and Lincoln, lightly chatting while Ayden was getting ready. Before leaving, Ayden hugged Lexa’s legs one last time. “Yexa?”

“Yes?”

“If I go to school again, will you wait for me to get home to do things?” he asked with a tiny voice.

“What do you mean?” Lexa frowned.

“You will not do interesting stuff without me, will you?”

Lexa smiled. “I will be at work the whole time you’ll be at school. And we will do cool stuff when we will both be home, together with mom. Is that ok?”

Ayden had a beamed smile on his face again, melting everyone’s heart. “I think I prefer the second school. What do you think?” he asked her, stunning Clarke another time.

“Yes, the second school was definitely my favourite” Lexa nodded seriously.

Ayden smiled, and Clarke was surprised when he then turned around to hug her. “You agree, Mommy?”

“Yes, I agree. The walls have better colours in the second school” Clarke said, smiling at her son.

“Cool! We all agree!” He said, clapping his hands together, making Clarke, Lexa, Lincoln and Octavia laugh. He hugged his mother hard before taking Octavia’s hand.

They headed outside, and before getting into the car, he waved goodbye at Clarke and Lexa with a bright smile on his face.

“See you tomorrow, I love you Mommy! Bye Lexa, I love you too!” he yelled at them, shocking Lexa and Clarke at the same time. He closed the car’s door.

He was a smart kid, Ayden. He knew well what he had just said. He saw Lexa’s shocked expression, and saw the happy tears forming in them. He saw his mother’s tender look. He saw Lincoln and Octavia smiling to each other, too. And he was happy. The world was bright, and sunny and full of hope and happiness. Ayden was SO ready for this life.


	35. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back with another chapter! It's not a very long one, but still ;) I barely have internet (I'm on holidays in the mountains) so I couldn't send the chapter to my betas, I apologize in advance for the typos I may have made!
> 
> Thank you for everyone reading me, sending reviews and kudos and stuff, I'm so glad to write for people like you :)
> 
> Oh and I'm sorry/not sorry for this chapter. You'll see why. Enjoy! ;)

_Song : All through the night by Sleeping at Last_

Clarke and Lexa watched Lincoln’s car drive away. Lexa hadn’t moved a bit, so Clarke tugged at her sleeve to make her come inside and closed the door behind them.

“Lexa?” Clarke carefully asked, not knowing if Lexa was in shock, blacking out, or just lost in her thoughts.

“Hum yeah. Well hum, that was... Unexpected I guess...?” Lexa said, looking at nothing.

Clarke was about to answer something, to ask the brunette if she was ok with what Ayden had said, because Clarke was, at least. She knew Lexa was going to grow more and more in Ayden’s life. In both their lives actually, but curiously, Clarke didn’t mind her boy to show her affection to the Brunette. At the second Clarke opened her mouth to speak, Lexa suddenly flew to the guest-room, carrying the paint tubes and everything she had bought to paint the room. Clarke followed her, an amused look on her face.

“Ok”, Lexa said with a serious tone, “look, maybe we could put some blue over here” she pointed to a wall, “but not paint it all blue, more like one big horizontal line in the middle?”

Clarke was slowly smiling, looking Lexa explaining her big project. “Or maybe we could paint the low-half of the wall and leave the rest white?” Lexa frowned, asking herself maybe more than asking Clarke, “because I don’t want the colour to be overwhelming, you know?”

Clarke was sure of it, now. She was deeply, madly in love with Lexa. It was spreading all over her body, taking over her heart _and_ brain. Taking over her soul, really.

“Or we can paint a mural, onto the blue paint. You used to paint and draw, right?” Lexa asked, still focused on the walls.

She didn’t see Clarke lost in her mind for a few seconds as she was thinking about how Ayden was thrilled at the prospective of Lexa and him painting the room. How her son loved the Brunette probably as much as she loved his mother, and how Clarke was captivated by Lexa; like she was inevitable, like they were _meant_ to be. Lexa was too focused to see Clarke keeping her eyes on her, in search of anything which could dissuade her from saying what she was going to say. Clarke was trying to take deep breaths to keep her heart from bumping too much in her chest.

“I bought paint stuff for you too” Lexa remembered, gesturing at the canvas and not taking her eyes off the walls, “I thought you would probably...”

“I love you”.

Lexa’s head snapped towards Clarke. “W... What?”

“I love you” Clarke repeated, echoing the words Ayden had said a little bit earlier, and Lexa’s mind exploded with feelings, a tear falling from her eyes. She stayed still for a few seconds, not daring moving a single muscle, scanning Clarke’s face to see if this was true, in search of doubts or anything which could tell her that Clarke wasn’t sincere.

“Lexa”, Clarke whispered, taking a small step towards Lexa, “I love you. I do. I _love_ you”

Lexa didn’t need confirmation anymore as she rushed to crush their lips together. It wasn’t a slow kiss, this time, it was messy and needy and everything else they wanted, _needed,_ to tell each other. 

Clarke brought her hands to Lexa’s hair while Lexa’s were wandering all over Clarke’s neck and back. There were no more limits, no more shyness and no more hesitation. Lexa slowly pushed Clarke against the wall, and the Blonde let her, without panicking. Without even thinking about it.

Lexa’s tongue was asking for entrance, and Clarke granted it, putting both her arms around the Brunette’s neck to support herself while Lexa was ravaging her face and lips with kisses.

And then, when they both went out of air, they stopped, resting their foreheads against each other. Lexa closed her eyes; scared Clarke would take her words back.

* * *

 

But Clarke did not; instead, they parted, and Clarke gently guided them towards Lexa’s room. She made Lexa sit on the bed, and sat herself on the Brunette’s lap, gently caressing Lexa’s skin on her forearms. She could see Lexa stressing out and thinking too much. But she was sure.

“I love you” Clarke said again, and a tear fell from Lexa’s eye. Clarke lightly kissed it away. The brunette slowly slid her hands under Clarke’s shirt, silently asking for permission. The blonde raised her arms so Lexa could take her top off of her. Lexa hold her breath when Clarke was left in her bra, in awe of her lover’s body. She gently kissed the Blonde’s right collar bone, and then the left one. She kissed that spot, on Clarke’s neck, which made the Blonde shiver under Lexa’s mouth.

Then, Clarke helped Lexa get rid of her own t-shirt while kissing her shoulders. Lexa turned Clarke around, laying her onto the bed. She began to kiss Clarke’s chest, and went down, trailing kisses until she had reached her belly button. There was no need to go further, for now, as they were both drowning into each other. When Clarke moaned, Lexa crushed their lips together again. The Brunette detached her bra, letting her breasts out for blue eyes to stare. Clarke gasped, and let her hands slowly wander on the new revealed skin, raising shivers all over Lexa's body in the process. Lexa then kissed every bruised spot on Clarke’s skin with an extra intention, as if Clarke’s skin was some kind of glass thing which was going to break at any moment. Clarke let a tear escape at the tenderness Lexa was putting in her kisses and small touches. The Brunette was quick to wipe it away. The Blonde removed her own bra too, and it was Lexa’s turn to stare in awe.

“You are so, so beautiful” Lexa whispered, tracing Clarke’s right breast with her fingers, “You have no idea how beautiful you are”.

Clarke tugged her even closer, trying to make them fusion into a single person; with their chests collided together and hands touching every single bit of skin they could have access to.

Lexa put her hands around Clarke’s waistband, asking for permission again. Clarke nodded, and Lexa removed the Blonde pants, kicking them at the edge of the bed while overwhelming Clarke’s chest and breasts with slow kisses.

Lexa saw Clarke blush; the Blonde suddenly feeling very self-conscious and vulnerable and so damaged. She tried to put her arms on her chest to cover herself up, but Lexa gently tugged the arms away.

“Don’t cover yourself” Lexa whispered, trying to soothe Clarke by rolling her thumb on the Blonde’s cheek, “you’re _perfect_ to me”.

Lexa then removed her own pants, her mouth never leaving Clarke’s mouth and skin. Still, the Blonde was beginning to have trouble breathing correctly, and Lexa knew well why.

“You are gorgeous” the brunette murmured, planting another kiss on Clarke’s belly, “baby steps. We won’t do something you don’t want to”.

Clarke nodded. She loved Lexa, and she wanted her, god how _bad_ she fully wanted Lexa to be hers and to be Lexa’s. But she was still hurt, physically and psychologically, because of Finn. She wasn’t completely ready yet.

“I love you” Clarke whispered, bringing Lexa’s chin up so their eyes would cross.

Clarke could see the green teary eyes staring to her, and crushed their lips once more, trying to make Lexa understand everything she wasn’t yet ready to say, everything she wanted to let out of her chest, everything she wanted to do even if she wasn’t ready yet. And as if she had understood, Lexa put the covers upon them and they buried themselves in each other’s embraces where nothing could reach them. Clarke was feeling Lexa’s breathing on her neck and Lexa’s skin against her own, only in their panties, and Lexa was feeling Clarke slightly shaking in her arms.

“You are safe” Lexa whispered, tugging Clarke closer, “I’ve got you”.

Lexa felt a few tears fell on her skin. “I’ve got you” she said once more.

* * *

 

Two hours later and Lexa was awakening, frowning; something was on top of her. Then, she felt Clarke’s bare skin on her chest, the blonde’s arms around her. They were both naked. Lexa smiled, because she hadn’t been in such a position since Costia.

Lexa’s eyes widened. She realised Clarke was the first person she had been this intimate with, since Costia.

Lexa felt her throat tighten. She hadn’t think about her in a while, now. She had forgotten about Costia. Tears were beginning to fall from Lexa’s eyes as she was desperately trying to remove herself from Clarke’s embrace. She couldn’t betray Costia like this. She couldn’t. Everything was wrong. Soon, it became too much and Lexa nearly fell from the bed in trying to get up. Frantically, she picked up her clothes while making as less sounds as she could, and escaped the bedroom.

She couldn’t get close to Clarke like this. This was wrong. _Costia must hate me now,_ Lexa thought, letting more tears roll down her cheeks.

She fumbled into the living-room, finishing getting dressed and trying to put her shoes on. But she didn’t see Ayden’s toy car on the floor, and nearly fell by slipping on it, sending the toy bang into the opposite wall. Lexa cursed herself for making some noise; Clarke couldn’t wake up.

Lexa headed for the door. She needed to get out of here. She needed to leave. She couldn’t be here, she couldn’t feel all the things she was feeling. It was wrong.

But as she was reaching for the doorknob, a small voice made itself heard.

“Lexa?”

Lexa turned around, to see Clarke standing in the middle of the living-room with a large shirt on and glossy blue eyes.

“Lexa, what are you doing?” Clarke asked again, her voice threatening to break and her lower lips shaking. She could see it. Lexa was going to leave. She was going to run away. Clarke knew well Lexa hadn’t say “ _I love you”_ back, and she knew it was probably a hard thing to say for Lexa because of her past and she didn’t mind, but she couldn’t believe Lexa was going to leave her alone in the apartment, once again. Without telling her. Just leaving her, like it was no big deal. _Abandoning_ her.  

Lexa tried to turn the doorknob to escape without saying anything, but then, she saw Clarke falling on her knees, head buried in her hands. This stopped her. She couldn’t leave her. She cared way too much. They had promised each other not to run, to talk with each other. She couldn’t break this promise.

Lexa closed the door and made her way back to the girl, who raised her face full of tears at the sound of Lexa’s footsteps.

Lexa kneeled next to Clarke, looking at the floor, ashamed of herself.

“I’m sorry Clarke” Lexa whispered, “You deserve so much more”.

But Clarke brought a hand to Lexa’s chin, making her look at her. “You don’t get to decide what or who I deserve, Lexa” Clarke said in a small voice, sniffing, “you don’t get to take that decision for me”.

Clarke sighed, wiping her tears, and Lexa could see the Blonde’s lips shaking. “I can choose for myself. I chose you. So if you don’t want me, just tell me, please, because it hurts not to know” Clarke added in a murmur, a few tears falling down from her beautiful blue eyes.

And it made Lexa break down in sobs. First taking by surprise, Clarke was quick to embrace the brunette in a tight hug as Lexa was crying her eyes out, clutching at Clarke’s shirt.

Lexa was so confused, so lost. She loved Costia, she had loved her with all her heart, but now Costia was dead and she couldn’t love her the way she used to, because it was useless; Costia was gone, and the girl couldn’t love her back anymore. And then there was Clarke, beautiful charming Clarke with her sweet face and beautiful body and wonderful lips and those baby blue eyes Lexa was so, so in love with. The brunette knew well Costia wouldn’t mind her being with someone again; Costia had been a really good person, and Lexa knew she would have wanted her to find love again. And Clarke was here, with Ayden, only asking for someone to care about them.

Clarke was gently rocking Lexa back and forth to calm her down. Clarke was afraid; she had been woken up by some noise in the living-room, and had found herself alone in bed. She had immediately understood. Lexa was running away. She had rushed out of bed to find Lexa ready to head out, and her heart had broken in thousand pieces again.

But now, Lexa was crying in her arms like she had probably never cried before, and Clarke was so scared everything was coming to an end.

“Lexa, I know this is a messed-up situation” Clarke whispered, crying a little too while still rocking Lexa, “I know it’s complicated because of our pasts, because of Ayden and everything, but I think we can go through this, together”.

Lexa let another sob escape her chest; she knew Clarke was right. Their lives were so fucked up, and Clarke didn’t know half of what Lexa had had to go through; neither did Lexa know about Clarke’s life. Lexa already believed they could go through almost everything together; it wasn’t hard. Everything was easier with Clarke around her, caring about her; loving her. But this also meant it was making Lexa weak; if she was to lose Clarke, that would probably tear her down.

“And I know they are days harder than others, and we still have so much to learn about each other” Clarke continued, sniffing to slow her own tears, “but Lexa please don’t bail on me because you’re afraid... I’m scared as hell too.”

This made Lexa stop crying. She had heard the fear, the sadness in Clarke’s voice, and she couldn’t do that to her. She couldn’t just run away from what was scaring her anymore.

“And what if I’m too broken?” Lexa whispered, burying herself more in Clarke’s chest, “What if I’m hard to love?”

It made Clarke chuckle, and Lexa raise her head to look at the blonde with a questioning look on her face. “Lexa, I fell in love the very first day I saw you, hidden behind your tree, watching us with your worried eyes”, the Blonde half-laughed while sniffing.

Lexa smiled at the memory. “You knew”.

“Yes” Clarke confirmed, smiling back. “I sure was homeless; not eyes-less.”

Lexa chuckled, closing her eyes to rest against Clarke’s warm body. They stayed like this for a while, taking comfort in each other’s presence.

“Lexa”, Clarke said after a while.

“Hm?”

“Would you tell me what happened to Costia?” Clarke gently asked. She knew it was probably the thing which had triggered Lexa earlier in the night, but she didn’t want to push the girl to talk about it if she wasn’t ready.

Lexa hummed. Clarke had the right to know; and Lexa desperately needed to get it out of her chest and talk about it with someone. She removed herself from Clarke’s arms, got up, and held her hand for Clarke to take. She took them back to her bedroom, sliding under the bed sheets, snuggling against each other.

“I want to tell you” Lexa whispered, “but I just... I’m...” She was getting angry at herself for stumbling on her words and not managing to speak her mind.

“It’s okay Lexa”, Clarke murmured back, burying her nose into Lexa’s neck and putting an arm on her belly, “It doesn’t need to be tonight. We are in no hurry.”

Lexa nodded, and gently kissed Clarke on the cheek, succeeding to hide the tear which had just fell on her own cheek, at how lucky she was to have Clarke to hold at night.

* * *

 

“Clarke?” Lexa said after a while, when Clarke thought the Brunette was already asleep.

“Yes?” Clarke hummed.

“Will we be ok?” Lexa asked in a scared voice. Clarke knew Lexa didn’t mean that as _“Lexa and Clarke_ ”, but rather as two individuals struggling with their pasts.

Clarke tightened her hold on the Brunette. “I don’t know. I hope we will. But maybe if we stick together, it won’t be that hard”.

“Yeah. I think we will”. Lexa sighed in contentment before intertwining their fingers and surely drifting to sleep.

Clarke was broken; Lexa was too, and they both knew it. It didn’t mean they had to stay broken for ever; and maybe they could find strength in each other. Because if they had been given the gift to love someone, even after all the crap they had gone through, love had to be worth it, right? *

_All through the night, I'll be awake and I'll be with you._   
_All through the night, this precious time, when time is new._   
_All, all through the night today, knowing that we feel_   
_the same, without saying, the same without saying_   
  
_We have no past we won't reach back,_   
_Keep with me forward all through the night_   
_and once we start a meter clicks,_   
_and it goes running all through the night._   
_Until it ends, there is no end._


	36. Faces On Pictures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for chapter 36! I hope you'll like it, and I just wanted to say a BIG THANK YOU to you guys, I love writing for people like you, it means the world to me!  
> Also, I know a lot of you just read without reviewing, but it would be great if you let me a piece of your mind on my work! Do you have any suggestions? I'm all ears ;)

_Song : Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine_

8am and inside her office, Nia was fuming. How dared that Woods bitch not give her the Arcadia building? Of course, Nia didn’t need a new building; she just wanted to hit Lexa in every weak spot the girl had. Well, that task had been complicated, since Nia had taken care of Lexa’s last weakness. Nia smirked at the memory of Lexa’s face contortioned in pain and sadness, her heart broken in a billion pieces, when she had heard the news.

Yeah, that had been a good move from Nia, and she had almost succeeded in taking Lexa’s place; but that stupid child had put her head back into the game just in time to regain full control on Coalition Corp.

But now, Nia had discovered another weakness; the blonde girl and her child. Nia had spies all over the city, and she quickly had had intel about those two persons Lexa seemed to have a great interest in. One of the reasons she had asked for Arcadia building in the first place.

An assistant entered her office, lowering her head. Everyone feared Nia; she was well known for her cruelty and her excess of anger.

“My Queen”, the girl said, handing Nia some file, “We saw the blonde and her child yesterday, in the streets”.

That awoke Nia’s curiosity. She took the file from Ontari’s hands, looking at the pictures one of her spies had taken.

“Who is that third person?” Nia asked, pointing at the brunette with a brace on the pictures.

“Raven Reyes. We believe she is one of the Blonde’s friends, living in Arcadia”, Ontari informed her, “she was recently hired at Trikru Company. Best mechanic they could ever found on the continent”.

Nia clenched her teeth; if her plan had gone as expected, that brunette shouldn’t even have a place to live.

“What were they doing? Did you know where they went?” Nia asked then. If she wanted to hit Lexa hard, she needed to know everything.

“It seems like they were visiting some schools, my Queen” Ontari replied while showing other pictures to Nia, “The Blonde and Woods visited a few schools the day before, too”.

Nia closed the file, thinking. The Blonde was reachable, now that she seemed to go out of wherever she had been hiding for the last month. But why looking for schools? Maybe for the boy. Yeah, definitely for the boy. That meant the Blonde would have to go out to fetch the boy to school every day, without Lexa being here. Even better. Nia smirked; this was going to be a very good day.

“Do we have the identity of that Blonde?” Nia asked then; as she was asking every day. The truth was, the Blonde’s identity was really hard to find for some unknown reasons; and Nia’s spies were working on it for a month now.

“Yes, we do” Ontari smirked, handing another file to Nia. “Clarke Griffin. The boy is named Ayden.”

Nia’s brows raised. “Griffin? Like...”

“Like Jake Griffin, yes indeed. His only daughter.”

_Things are getting really interesting,_ Nia smirked. This was going to be so much fun.

* * *

 

Lexa had just left for work, an hour before, and Clarke was alone in the apartment, pacing. Ayden was to be there any minute now, and Clarke was getting really bored. Then, she spotted the bags Lexa had brought home yesterday evening, remembering she had said something about canvas and stuff.

Clarke searched in the bags, her eyes widening when she saw what was inside; everything was brand new; a dozen of new brushes, a big box with fifty paint tubes and another one with colour pencils, a few canvas and four sketchbooks, all with a different type of paper. Clarke chuckled, in complete awe. Lexa had brought all this for her.

She took one of the sketchbook and the box of pencils, and sat down in the living-room, the sketchbook on her lap. Clarke was really lucky to have Lexa; she knew Lexa was probably ok with buying everything for the three of them, but Clarke wanted to contribute, too. Maybe she should apply for a job at the Polis’ Clinic, as a nurse. She had been really good at this job; even if her first intention had had to become a doctor. Which she hadn’t been able to be, with Ayden’s birth and everything. But Clarke didn’t regret it. Being a nurse was fine with her, too.

Without really paying attention to what she was drawing, Clarke was shocked to find out she had drawn Lexa’s face on the paper; but the Lexa only a few people knew. The smiling and laughing Lexa, the one with magic and malice in her eyes.

The doorbell rang, and Clarke didn’t have to check who was behind the door, as Ayden was shouting at her to open the door quick. It was freezing out there, and snow was threatening to fall anytime now.

At the second she had opened the door, Ayden had thrown himself at Clarke’s neck, hugging her hard.

“Hello to you too, honey” Clarke chuckled, hugging her son back. They exchanged a few words with Lincoln -who told Clarke everything had been ok, except for when Ayden had woken up in the middle of the night, disoriented, and had called for his mother and Lexa, before Octavia reassured him- before he left to go back to his job.

“Where is Yexa?” Ayden pouted, scanning the place with his eyes.

“She is at work, you know that” Clarke gently said. She was missing Lexa too; even if the girl was only gone for a couple of hours. “Maybe we could go fetch her, tonight, surprise her?” Clarke suggested. She knew where Lexa’s major building was; besides, Ayden and she could probably use a walk at the end of the day.

* * *

 

Octavia was restless in the loft, having nothing to do. Lincoln had just come home for lunch, and was watching his girlfriend with amusement in his eyes.

“Maybe you should go back” Lincoln gently suggested, putting a plate in front of the girl. _Going back to her team and Indra,_ he meant, and Octavia had understood. Her eyes widened.

“No! I mean, yes I miss having something to do, but I don’t know, I just feel like it wouldn’t be right” Octavia said, ending the sentence with worry on her face.

Lincoln raised his brows. “Why wouldn’t it be right? This is your _job_ ”

“Yes I know” Octavia huffed, “But I mean, I can’t... I can’t turn my back on _her_ again”.

And Lincoln understood the meaning behind his girlfriend’s words. His eyes softened, putting a hand on top of Octavia’s. “Octavia, Clarke would tell you to go back”.

Octavia weakly nodded; she knew this was true. But still, she couldn’t imagine doing it. “You don’t understand”.

Lincoln sat down in front of her girlfriend. “Try me”.

“I have been horrible to her, Lincoln” Octavia whispered, lowering her head, “blaming her for the impossible choices we were always asking her to do. I’ve been an awful friend and I just...”

Octavia sighed, not really knowing how to express what she was feeling. Clarke had been the first – with Finn – to be welcoming with Lincoln, and not see him as a threat. She had let Octavia be who she wanted to be, even taking her defence against Bellamy sometimes. Clarke also had had to make tough calls; decisions Octavia had not really agreed on. Octavia shook her head; it didn’t matter anymore. The only thing she cared right now was making amends to Clarke. And hope the Blonde would forgive her.

Because Octavia had seen what life looked like when Clarke wasn’t around. And this life sucked; more than the life with decisions she disagreed with. Octavia didn’t want a life without the Blonde in it.

“I think we all had been awful to Clarke at some points” Lincoln said, trying to reassure his girlfriend.

“You haven’t”.

Lincoln thought for a moment. “But only because I’ve seen a lot of people in Clarke’s shoes. She is not perfect. She is not god, she’s only one girl, and she cannot be right all the time. But I do think she is doing the best she can”. He paused for a moment, and Octavia nodded.

“I know it’s not right to ask her to make tough decisions, and then blame her for the choice she makes, and I think we all have been angry at her at some point, even me” he added, “but Clarke is a good person. She understands. And I think she forgave you a long ago”.

Octavia nodded again, really wanting to believe what Lincoln was saying. It was kind of funny for Lincoln, to see his girlfriend in such a state. Octavia hadn’t been sentimental for a while now, having grown into a fierce warrior. But since Clarke was back; she was a ball of nerves and feelings.

“Why don’t you text her to see if you can spend the day with her?” Lincoln suggested. 

“I don’t want to bother her” Octavia mumbled. She was aware Raven and the Blonde had spent the day together yesterday; she wasn’t jealous, but she couldn’t help but think that Clarke didn’t want to see her.

“It doesn’t hurt to ask” Lincoln said, cleaning the table while Octavia was tossing her phone into her hands, trying to make her mind.

Octavia took a deep breath, and sent a text to the Blonde.

**O: Hi Clarke, I hope you are well. Would you mind if I was to come to Lexa’s to spend the rest of the day with Ayden and you?**

Octavia stayed still, waiting for Clarke’s reply. Which was quick to come.

**Clarke: Since when do you ask? Take that sweet ass of you and come ASAP ;)**

**Clarke: Oh and Ayden says you have to bring the rest of the cake you ate together yesterday night!**

Octavia’s heart jumped into her chest. Clarke didn’t seem mad nor angry at her. Maybe Lincoln was right. The girl jumped off her chair, rushing to her room to grab something wearable.

From the kitchen, Lincoln watched his girlfriend almost run to get ready, and a smile appeared on his lips to see Octavia happy.

* * *

 

Back in Nia’s office, Ontari the assistant had brought a big blackboard – which was more like a glass board, because made of glass obviously – and they had started hanging the pictures Nia’s spies had taken of Clarke and the people often around her and her child.

“Ok so”, Ontari said pointing to a picture, “the cob we spotted around Griffin’s daughter is Bellamy Blake. It seems that they are pretty close; maybe best-friends or ex-lovers”. Ontari put a piece of paper under the picture with the mention “ _best friend, ex lover?”_ on it.

“Raven Reyes, youngest mechanic to be this good, hired at Trikru. Clarke’s friend.” She put a _“friend”_ label under the picture.

“Ayden, the son” Ontari said putting another piece of paper, “we don’t know the father yet. Maybe the Blake boy?”

Nia was scanning the board, looking for every weak spot she could hit. “Hm, doesn’t make sense. If he was his son, he would probably be around him a lot more. He is a cob, he has honour.”

Ontari nodded. “Ok. This one is a taxi driver. We don’t have his name yet”, she pointed to Lincoln’s picture.

“I know him” Nia said, looking closer at the picture, “Lincoln. He is a childhood friend of Woods.”

“Lexa has childhood friends?” Ontari smirked.

“No, the other one. Anya Woods”.

“Trikru’s ambassador. Lexa’s older cousin” Ontari said, showing Nia a picture of Anya.

“Yes, this one” Nia said through clenched teeth as Ontari was putting the picture on the board.

“Why don’t we target Anya Woods to get to Lexa?” Ontari asked again.

Nia took other pictures from the files, where people seemed to be unconscious on the floor, “Anya and Lexa are cousins that is true. Blood-related. But they are also very, very smart; Anya is as suspicious of me as Lexa is. She won’t let me close to her; and I couldn’t hurt Lexa with Anya.”

“Why not?”

“Because I already _tried,_ a couple of years ago _”_ Nia growled at her assistant who took a few steps away. “The older Woods seems to have resources. My men had succeeded in her capture -mostly like I have done with Costia- but she was escaped within the hour. And I found all my men knocked down on the ground.”

Ontari tried to think about the reason behind Anya’s escape. The police couldn’t have rescued her this quick; and they would have taken the men to jail.

“Something isn’t making sense” she said, “there’s no way she could have done this on her own”.

“No indeed” Nia nodded, “and I believe she had help, that day. But not a single person had been able to find who had helped her” she growled again, almost hitting the board with her fist. “And Lexa somehow _knew_ Anya could handle herself. She didn’t even look worried when they told her she was missing”.

Ontari massaged her temples; there were too much things they didn’t know about everything.

“Let’s continue” Nia ordered pointing to the board.

Ontari nodded, hanging another picture; but really, there was just a silhouette on it. No face was recognisable, just a woman’s silhouette. “There is this black-haired girl. We have nothing on her. And when I say nothing, it’s _nothing._ It’s the only picture the spies were able to take since they started. It’s like she knows where the cameras are, and she is purposefully _avoiding_ them”, Ontari sighed.

Nia scanned the picture. It was completely useless indeed.

“We only deduce she is living in Arcadia with the others because she went out of the building a few times” Ontari added, “but maybe she is not as close as Clarke as that Reyes girl is. Maybe she’s not even friend with them, just living in the same building”

Nia nodded. Somehow, the black-haired girl was intriguing her. Like Ontari had said, there was no way her spies hadn’t been able to get a single good picture of her.

* * *

 

Octavia was in front of Clarke’s door, waiting for the girl to come. To say she was anxious was a euphemism. Octavia was shitting her pants, really. What if Clarke was still a bit mad at her?

But she didn’t have the occasion to think more about it, as Clarke was opening the door.

“Hi Octavia” the Blonde said with a big smile on her face, stunning Octavia for a couple of seconds.

Clarke noticed it, “You’re ok, O?” she asked.

“Yeah yeah, I’m fine” Octavia quickly got out of her stupor, smiling furiously at her friend. It made Clarke chuckle, and the two girls got inside the loft.

“Hello O” Ayden greeted the girl, scanning the package Octavia had in her arms, “is it the cake?”

“Yes it is!” Octavia laughed as Ayden was gesturing for her to give the cake to him.

As Ayden was running into the kitchen to take plates to eat the cake, Octavia was awkwardly standing still, wanting to say something, and it made Clarke chuckle.

“Octavia.” Clarke raised an amused brow.

“Yes?”

“What’s on your mind?” Clarke gently asked. She had noticed how Octavia seemed conflicted; hell,  even the text she has sent earlier was weird.

Octavia waved her arms in the arms, huffing, “nothing, it’s... nothing”.

“Octavia?” Clarke said again, showing the brunette she really cared about the answer. 

Octavia sighed and sat on the couch. “I just...” she stopped, trying to structure her thoughts in her mind, “you’re not mad at me, are you?”

Clarke raised her brows, but with surprise this time. “Why would I be mad at you, O?”

Octavia sighed again. “Because I’ve been awful to you.”

Clarke frowned and took a seat next to Octavia.  “Why are you saying that?”

“Because that’s the truth. I’m sorry I asked you to make hard decisions and then blame you for it”, Octavia said, lowering her head, “It was so easy Clarke, pushing you to carry everything on your shoulders so we wouldn’t have to do it, and then be mad at you for whatever impossible choice you had to make for us”.

A tear had fallen on Octavia’s cheek as she was waiting for Clarke to burst out in anger. But the Blonde did not, and put her arms around Octavia instead.

Octavia let a sob escape her chest; one she was holding since they had figured out Clarke had been running away and hiding from them.

“It’s ok O, I can take it” Clarke whispered as Octavia was burying her head into Clarke’s neck, “I did what I had to do to keep the most of us alive. But it doesn’t make what I did right. You are allowed to be mad at me for choices I make in your name, sometimes”.

Octavia shook her head, letting more of her tears fall down. This was stunning Clarke a little, because since she was a kind of secret spy/warrior, she had learned to keep her emotions at bay.

“You did so much for us” Octavia cried, “we are all here today thanks to you, and I’ve been awful Clarke, so awful, please forgive me...”

The girl was fully sobbing now, her chest shaking against Clarke’s who wanted to take all the pain away from her friend.

“There is nothing to forgive, O” Clarke murmured, gently stroking Octavia on her back to calm her down, “I was never mad at you”.

“You promise?” Octavia asked, sniffing, looking at Clarke with glassy eyes.

“I promise” the Blonde smile back, opening her arms to hug Octavia once more.

* * *

 

From the kitchen, Ayden had seen Octavia and his Mom beginning to speak on the couch, and when he had seen O cry, he had patiently waited for the conversation to end. Ayden wasn’t stupid. He knew her mom’s life had been complicated before he was born, and he knew things were complicated with her friends too. Family always was, right? He wasn’t old enough to understand what was wrong, but he could see Octavia and his mother needed to talk alone for a while. He didn’t mind; he knew his mother was going to call him soon.

And indeed, Clarke’s and O’s conversation was over, and Clarke was scanning the loft in search of Ayden.

“Ayden honey? Where are you?”

The boy made his way into the living room, almost dropping the plates on the floor. Fortunately Octavia caught everything just in time.

“OK, who wants some Cake?” the Blonde asked. 


	37. Nia's First Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another chapter! i hope you'll like it. And thanks a lot for all the feedback, I really really appreciate :) This chapter has all you want! Angst (a bit), Clexa and fluffiness (if it's even a word). Don't forget to tell me your thoughts on this! 
> 
> Come and talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" ! ;)
> 
> PS: This one was written beta-free (if I can say that) so I apologise for typos and stuff :)

_Song : Six Feet Under by Billie Eilish_

Clarke, Octavia and Ayden had spent the day together, playing games with the boy and doing some appreciated bonding between the two girls. But it was getting late, and Ayden hadn’t forgotten about their plan to go meet Lexa at her office.

“Mommy, is it now that we leave to go fetch Yexa?” he had asked more than twenty times already. 

“Ok Ayden, we’re leaving now. Go get your shoes” Clarke chuckled as the boy was throwing his arms in the air, joy shouts filling the loft.

“He really likes her” Octavia stated with her smile on her lips while she was helping Clarke quickly washing the dishes before heading out.

“Yeah” Clarke nodded, and made a pause to think about it, “and I think Lexa really likes him back. I mean,” the Blonde tried to express herself while cleaning the sink, “She has this smile on her face when she’s looking at him, it makes me feel like....”

“Like you’re not a single parent anymore?” Octavia suggested.

“Yeah. Exactly” Clarke nodded. Life had a real sense of humor, both girls had to admit it. Lexa, a girl they had met out of nowhere on a snowy day, was more of a parent to Ayden as Finn, his biological father and Clarke’s ex-boyfriend, had ever been.

“Mommy put your coat on!” Ayden said, seeing that his mother wasn’t ready, “We are going to be late!”

“No we won’t” Clarke chuckled, but hurrying a little. 

* * *

 

They headed out with Octavia – it was almost the same road as to go home to Arcadia – and soon found themselves in front of Lexa’s biggest building.

“OK, I have to go” Octavia said, shifting on her feet, “I guess I hum... I’ll see you later?” The girl was glad for the discussion Clarke and she had had, but still, she didn’t really know how to act.

“Yes O” Clarke offered her a smile, gesturing for Octavia to hug her, “Anytime, really”.

Octavia smiled back, said bye to Ayden and left them. Clarke got her phone out to text Lexa.

* * *

 

Lexa was sitting down in her office, looking through files, when her phone buzzed. She was a bit startled, because it was her personal phone and no one was usually texting her, except Anya. But it couldn’t be her, as her cousin was in the same building today, two floors down. She would have come and talk to Lexa in person.

The brunette grabbed her phone and her heart jumped into her chest when she saw who it was. She quickly unlocked her phone, practically bouncing in her chair with excitement.

**Clarke : Hey Lexa, Ayden and I are waiting for you outside the building when you’re done! ;)**

She quickly typed an answer, smiling from ear to ear; it was Clarke’s first text to her, after all.

 **Lexa : Great! I’ll be out quick** **J**

**Clarke : Take your time ;)**

The Brunette closed her files, quickly cleaned her desk before leaving. She was so happy that Clarke and Ayden had come to fetch her, and she couldn’t wait to walk home with them by her side.

But then, the door banged open. She raised a browser at the intruder. Titus was red – with anger?- and fuming, Murphy right behind him.

“What is the meaning of this?” she asked, already annoyed with the man. Clarke and Ayden were waiting for her and she didn’t want them to wait for hours.

“I’m sorry Heda” Titus said, but judging by the look he had on his face he was absolutely _not_ sorry, “but some Ontari person is asking for audience. She said you would want to hear her”.

Lexa frowned. Ontari was Nia White’s assistant. Lexa internally cursed, and followed Titus into the room where Ontari was waiting for her.

“Hello, Heda” Ontari said when Lexa entered.

“Ontari”. Lexa didn’t know why Ontari was here; but it couldn’t be good. Someone from Azgeda visiting never was.

“Forgive me for this unplanned meeting, Heda” Ontari apologized before continuing. “As you probably know, I’m Nia White’s assistant, and there is some things I need to discuss with you on her behalf.”

Lexa took a deep breath and took a seat. She couldn’t get out right now, and was silently hoping for Clarke to understand.

* * *

 

Clarke and Ayden were still waiting outside the building for Lexa, and the boy was growing restless.

“Mommy, where is Yexa?” he whined for the tenth time.

“She has a lot of work honey” Clarke sighed, “she’ll be there soon”. To be completely honest, Clarke was growing impatient too. She missed Lexa; even if she had seen the girl this morning. It was too long, to be at home and waiting for Lexa to come home. She definitely needed to find something to fill her days. Besides, she had called the school Ayden had chosen earlier today; her son was to begin school next Monday. Way too soon for Clarke’s liking with everything going on, and Finn’s trial coming next week, too.

“Clarke!” Someone then called her. Clarke turned around, and saw Anya waving at them to come inside the building. Clarke and Anya hadn’t really talked; but Lexa trusted the girl, and Clarke came to trust Anya, too. Even with Ayden.

“Hi Anya” Clarke said, “What are you doing here?” Clarke was curious; she knew Anya was kind of the head of Trikru Company, and it wasn’t Trikru’s building. Not the one Raven had starting working into, at least.

“I’m Trikru’s ambassador in Coalition Corp” Anya explained, “I sometimes have meetings with the rest of the twelve ambassadors, in here with Lexa”.

Clarke nodded, and they followed Anya inside.

“I guess you’re waiting for her?” Anya asked with a light smile, and laughed when Ayden shouted a big yes.

“I’m sorry you can’t go further in the building” Anya apologised, “but you can wait here, I’m going to go see if she’s ready to leave”.

Clarke thanked the girl, and Ayden and she took a seat beside the secretary office as Anya was making her way to the elevator.

* * *

 

In the meeting room, Lexa and Ontari had been talking for ten minutes now. Ontari was explaining Nia’s future plans for Azgeda, but Lexa had a weird feeling. Like those times when you _know_ something is not as it should be, or when you feel that something is wrong and you can’t put the finger on it. Something was odd about anything Ontari was saying; as if the girl herself wasn’t convinced by what she was saying. Lexa silently scolded herself; she was almost sure she was feeling like this because she just wanted to run downstairs and meet with Clarke and Ayden. She brought her focus back on Ontari.

* * *

 

Anya was heading to Lexa’s floor; the ambassadors weren’t usually allowed to come here, but Anya had a special pass to access the special floor. Being the CEO’s cousin and last relative had its advantages. In the corridor on the floor below Lexa’s, the one with the Azgeda offices, Anya crossed path with Nia White. Anya hated that woman as much as Lexa did. She was a pure villain, like the ones you only see in the movies. A heart made in ice and stone, filled with cruelty, hate and need of power. Yeah, the Woods definitely hated the ice bitch.

* * *

 

Clarke was taking a look at her phone every minute now. She was finding it weird, as Lexa wasn’t already here. She had said she would be here soon, in her text, and now Ayden and his mother had been waiting for the Brunette for more than twenty minutes. Clarke had found a way to keep Ayden busy by giving him a little notebook and a pen she had found in her bag. The boy was drawing silently, not fussing about Lexa still not here anymore. _Thank God,_ Clarke had sighed.  

Then, Clarke noticed a tall woman approach the two of them, and her blood froze a little. She was quite scary, Clarke had to admit; hair as white as frozen snow, eyes of an ice blue which was making them look like almost not-alive, and strange patterns on her face, like she had a few scars made of burns. She was even more surprised when the woman began to speak directly to her.

“Hello, Miss Griffin” the woman said, a little smirk on her face which made Clarke’s hair dress on her neck.

Clarke got up, quickly throwing a glance at her son, his mind still on the drawing he was making.

“Who are you, and how do you know my name?” the Blonde asked, keeping her voice low so her son wouldn’t take interest in the conversation. The woman scared her; she was feeling unsafe around her, and it was making Clarke really uncomfortable and nervous. Even if she wasn’t going to show it.

“I once worked with your father” the woman said, holding her hand for Clarke to shake, “I’m Nia White. Head of Azgeda Company”.

Clarke tried hard to not let her eyes widen in horror in hearing the woman’s name. Nia White. Lexa had talked to Clarke about her. She was the woman who was responsible for the pictures of both Ayden and herself in the press. The woman who wanted to pressure Lexa, in every way possible.

“Pleased to meet you” Clarke said through gritted teeth, shaking the offered hand, acting like she didn’t already know the woman’s name.

Nia smiled at her with a fake smile – it really looked like a smirk – as she was putting both her hands behind her back.

“I am sorry for the loss of your father, Clarke” Nia said, and Clarke wished she could rip the woman’s head off, “he was a good man”.

Clarke had believed everything Lexa had said about Nia; and if the woman was talking about her father, it couldn’t be good.

As Clarke said nothing, Nia continued. “I heard you and Lexa Woods are growing closer” Nia added. Clarke knew she wasn’t asking for confirmation; she knew already.

“I’m pleased to hear that you worked with my father, but I don’t think that who I’m friend with is of your business” Clarke answered, keeping her anger at bay. She had to be careful; Nia was an important person, and Clarke couldn’t say what she dreamed of saying. _That she was the biggest bitch the world had ever carried,_ for example.

Nia smirked again. “I see you’ve inherited his intelligence” Nia stated.

Clarke nodded as a thank you. She didn’t really know what else to do. She was just wishing for Lexa to arrive any second to take control on what was happening. But apparently, Nia wasn’t done talking, and Lexa was nowhere to be seen. Clarke hated this; feeling trapped, with no escape possibilities. How come she was always finding herself in such situations?  

“But if I may” Nia started talking again, “As someone who was once close to your father, it’s only friendship to him if I give a little advice to his charming daughter; being Lexa isn’t an easy job. A lot of people are against her. I’m sure Jake would be worried for you to be friend with someone who could disappear any moment, stroked down by one of her many enemies. He would be worried about you, too”.

Clarke didn’t say anything; not trusting herself and her anger towards the woman.

* * *

 

Anya finally reached Lexa’s office after being interrupted three times by assistants in need of signatures and stuff. Seeing that her cousin wasn’t in here, she headed towards the meeting room, and was surprised to see Ontari getting out of it, followed by Titus and his new apprentice Anya hadn’t memorized the name yet.

“Lexa?” Anya asked once they were all gone, “why was Ontari kom Azgeda in the meeting room?”

Lexa shrugged; she felt like the half-hour speaking with the girl had only been a waste of time, “I don’t know. She was here to talk to me about some of Nia’s projects for Azgeda, as Nia couldn’t be here in person today”.

Anya frowned, and Lexa noticed it, throwing a questioning look at her cousin.

“I saw Nia on her floor fifteen minutes ago”, Anya informed her cousin. 

Lexa frowned too.

“I was coming to get you, Clarke and Ayden are downstairs waiting for you and...”

But Anya was cut off by her cousin gasping. “What? What is it Lexa?”

“Clarke and Ayden are downstairs. You saw Nia in the building.” Lexa was having trouble breathing.

“Yes, I did” Anya confirmed, frowning a bit, not understanding her cousin’s behaviour.

“It can’t be a coincidence” Lexa whispered, “Nia will talk to them.” The Brunette’s eyes were widening more and more, and Anya’s did, too.

“Do you think she would try something against them?” Anya slowly asked, not wanting to make her cousin panic. She had seen Lexa panic, and she didn’t want to see that happen ever again.

“She is not against them” Lexa whispered, having trouble to breathe correctly, “she’ll make a move against _me_ ”.

Anya frowned again because she wasn’t sure she was following Lexa’s thoughts.

“Anya” Lexa murmured in a weak and shaky voice, “Clarke and Ayden are my weakness now. Do you understand?”

And Anya’s eyes widened; because yes, she did understand. She remembered well what had happened to Lexa’s last weakness.

“We have to get downstairs” Anya said, tugging her cousin by the sleeve to take her out of her stupor.

* * *

 

Clarke and Nia were still face to face, and Clarke’s blood was boiling in her veins. Nia checked her phone when it buzzed.

“I have to go” Nia said, “It was nice meeting you, Jake’s daughter”.

Clarke nodded. Nia was probably going to say something else, but she was interrupted by Lexa and Anya coming towards them with big steps.

Ayden immediately noticed Lexa, and ran to her. Lexa quickly put him behind her, holding his hand. She was fuming inside; she was sure Nia had said horrible things to Clarke, threatening her maybe. She had done the same with Costia.

“Nia, what are you doing here?” Lexa asked, trying to keep her voice as neutral as possible. Lexa came to stand right next to Clarke, and didn’t miss the way Clarke discreetly grabbed her elbow to get even closer to her as a shield.

“I didn’t plan to be here in the first place, but I left important papers in my office yesterday, and just came to pick them up in a hurry for my next meeting” Nia explained.

Useless to say that no one believed her. Lexa didn’t bring out the useless and meaningless discussion she just had with Ontari. She had understood it was only a distraction.

“I’m late, I have to go” Nia said, smiling at them, “Bye, Heda”.

The woman started to head for the door, but turned around, gesturing at Ayden glued to Lexa’s side.

“You have a beautiful son, Clarke” she said, “It would be a tragedy if something was to happen to him”. And five seconds later, she was out of sight.

Lexa, Anya and Clarke knew Nia had just made a threat to Ayden; a disguised one, but a threat still.

“You better go home” Anya said, bringing them out of their thoughts.

Lexa nodded and didn’t fail to notice the way Clarke reached for her son and took him in her arms as if she wanted to protect him from the world. _Maybe from me too,_ Lexa sadly thought.

The Brunette didn’t know how much time Clarke and Nia had been talking before she had joined them; and the ice bitch could have said anything to Clarke.

All the way home, Clarke was silent, and Ayden was slowly falling asleep in his mother’s arms. Lexa had asked Clarke if Ayden wasn’t too heavy and offered her to carry Ayden a bit – she could see Clarke struggling with her son’s weight- but Clarke had said no in such a rush it had wounded Lexa’s heart.

* * *

 

Finally, they were inside the loft, and Clarke had just put Ayden to bed in the spare room until dinner was ready. She hadn’t said a single word to Lexa; they hadn’t hold hands in their way back, as they had both pictured it. And Lexa just wanted to cry; she had been so happy to hear that Clarke and Ayden had come to take her home, and now it was all ruined; Clarke didn’t want to talk to her anymore, not even look at her.

Clarke began to try to do something to keep her busy to wait for the pasta to be ready; and Lexa couldn’t take the silence anymore.

“Clarke” Lexa said with a tiny voice, trying to gain the Blonde’s attention.

But Clarke didn’t even acknowledge the fact Lexa had talked to her, as if she hadn’t even hear Lexa calling her name.

“Clarke, please...” Lexa tried again. And Clarke didn’t look up, didn’t say a thing.

Tears reached the surface of Lexa’s eyes as she sat on the couch, taking her head in her hands. She didn’t let them fall. She couldn’t be seen as weak, when Clarke obviously wouldn’t be there to comfort her. Lexa’s brain was buzzing as she was thinking about every single thing Nia could have said to Clarke, searching where Lexa had done something wrong to gain such a non-reaction from her girlfriend. Was Clarke even her girlfriend, though? Again, what the fuck were they anyways?

A tear fell on Lexa’s lap as she sniffed a little, trying to keep her emotions at bay. But then, she felt the couch move next to her as an extra-weight was added, and she felt two arms hugging her and something snuggling into her. She looked up to see Clarke pressing her head into Lexa’s chest.

The Brunette didn’t wait to put her arms around the girl, crushing her against her body.

“I’m sorry Lexa” Clarke whispered, and Lexa could feel some wetness on her shirt, not coming from her own few tears.

“It’s ok” Lexa murmured back, “but please Clarke talk to me, please...” Lexa was begging but truly she didn’t care. “What did Nia say to you that you won’t even look at me...?”

Lexa let another tear roll down her cheek, and Clarke extracted herself from Lexa’s embrace to wipe the Brunette’s tears.

“It’s not you, Lexa, I swear” Clarke murmured, “She just... She said some things about my dad. And... I guess it just reminded me of things I had tried to forget”.

Lexa raised her brows at this, not knowing what Clarke’s dad was doing in all this. But she didn’t dare ask. Clarke would tell her if she wanted to. Lexa didn’t have to wait long for the answer, though.  

“My dad died” Clarke confessed, bringing her head back on Lexa’s chest, “A few years ago. I don’t really know how, or why, because there’re thousands of versions. All I’m sure of is that he was murdered. And my mother let it happen”.

Lexa shivered at the Clarke’s words, unconsciously hugging her a little harder. “I’m sorry” she whispered, placing a kiss on the Blonde’s neck. She didn’t know what else she could do.  

“It’s ok” Clarke said. “But Nia said she knew my father. And that’s weird, because he never worked for Azgeda. At least, not in my knowledge.”

Lexa began to draw circles on Clarke’s back. First, it had been to calm the girl down, but she had soon found out that it was calming herself too.

“So you’re not mad at me...?” Lexa asked with a tiny voice full of insecurities.

“Lexa” Clarke said, taking the girl’s head in her hands, and sitting herself on Lexa’s lap with a lovely smile on her face, “I love you. I’m sorry for the way I reacted. She threatened you, and Ayden. I’m afraid. I was afraid. But I love you. I’m not mad at you, I promise”.

Lexa let relieved tears escaped her eyes with a tiny laugh as Clarke was peppering her face with light kisses to wipe the salt water away. Clarke wasn’t mad at her, and she had said she loved her, two times more.

“We are not good at communicating, are we?” Lexa asked, a half-smile on her face.

“No we are not. But from now on, I promise to always talk to you. No running. No shutting the other one out.” Clarke said, handing her pinkie in the air. “Come on. You have to promise too” Clarke shot Lexa a look. Lexa laced her pinkie with Clarke’s.

“ _Croix de bois, croix de fer_ ” Clarke whispered in a broken French. Lexa let a tear escape her eyes again. It was the same words she had taught Ayden, back when he was scared of her leaving. Those words meant a lot to her.

“Ayden told you” Lexa murmured, still a bit in awe of the girl in front of her. 

“Yes, he did” Clarke smiled.

Lexa nodded, resting her forehead on Clarke’s. Clarke chuckled at the beamed smile on Lexa’s face. “Stop smiling you silly, you’ll hurt your pretty lips”.

“You think my lips are pretty?” Lexa sassed back, pulling her lips away from Clarke’s reach.

“Your lips are the best” Clarke honestly replied, trying to kiss Lexa.

“I love your cheeks” Lexa then said, softly kissing Clarke’s face and gently nibbling at Clarke’s skin.

“Hey! Don’t bite me!” Clarke laughed, trying to push Lexa away from her.

They laughed for another couple of minutes, before starring at each other in silence.

“Clarke?” Lexa asked, her eyes glued into Clarke’s.

“Yes?” the Blonde said with a gentle smile, caressing the skin on Lexa’s face.

Lexa stared into the blue eyes a few seconds more to gather strength and courage. “Would you... Would you be my girlfriend?”

Clarke smiled to her stupid, charming pretty girl. “I thought my answer had been clear already” Clarke smirked at Lexa, who smiled back.

“I wasn’t sure. I needed a real answer”. Lexa shrugged, trying to act like it was no big deal. _IT WAS SO BIG DEAL._

“Yes Lexa, I would love to be your girlfriend” Clarke then said, laughing a little as another beaming smile was painting itself on Lexa’s face.

“Good. Because I wouldn’t have taking any other answers” Lexa said, kissing Clarke’s neck and gently tickling her ribs, making their laughs echo in the whole flat as they were acting like teenagers in love.


	38. Author's Note ; It's Been a Year

Hey, people. I know that, for all of you, it's a "big" day today. It's been a whole year. "Funny", how time passes by in a blur. I know a lot of you still remember, and I know it still hurts. Because Lexa helped so many people, and because they are still some of you still struggling with your lives. But you're not alone in this shit. Others feel your pain, too. Others remember, and others cry Lexa's death. 

We cannot bring Lexa back, and for that I'm so sorry. We can write stories in her memory, and hopefully fanfictions help ease the pain a little bit. it will never be enough, I know that. But don't stop fighting. Whatever you're feeling, there is always a reason to get back up and stand again. You are not alone. And if you're feeling alone anyways, I'll be there for you. The fandom is there, too. 

 

I just wanted to say I just wrote a one shot, kind of a tribute to Lexa and love in general, it's called "It's All Going To Be Ok (You're Not Alone)", I hope it will help you. If it helps even only one single person, I'll be happy. 

 

Be strong, people. Enjoy life, because nothing lasts. We will never forget; but we can learn how to become stronger using it. 

 

I'm sorry you're probably expecting another chapter, but the next one will be updated soon. Have a great weekend :)


	39. Discoveries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE I'm so sorry I've been silent for a week and a half now, the thing is I forgot my computer cable at my parents' house and my computer went out of battery in two hours, and I had to wait until this weekend to get it back x)
> 
> So i'm sorry if you thought I had forget about you, I didn't!! I want to say thank you for the comments I always have, I just LOVE reading what you have to say, keep going! Also thank you for those who read my tribute to Lexa, I intent to make it part of a series with a bunch of tributes like this one! (I'm obviously talking about Lincoln, Anya...)
> 
> This chapter is a long one :) Enjoy!

_Song : Better By Mackenzie Johnson_

Ayden had slept into the guest-room last night, and Lexa and Clarke had fallen asleep in each other embraces, smiles on their faces.

The sun was slowly creeping in, and Lexa awoke, feeling something lightly tickling her face. Like the night before, she smiled, seeing Clarke asleep practically on top of her. But this time, she didn’t freak out. This time, she didn’t think about how she was betraying Costia. This time, she tightened her embrace around the Blonde, happy to wake up by her side.

“Lexa, I love you but you’re crushing me a little” Clarke chuckled with a raspy voice from sleep.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were awake” Lexa answered with a smile, loosening her grip a bit.

Clarke smiled back, and snuggled her nose into the crock of Lexa’s neck. “I like this” the Blonde admitted.

“Like what?”

“Waking up with you...” Clarke shyly said with a tiny blush on her cheeks.

“I do like it, too” Lexa smiled. She kissed the Blonde’s forehead. “But, I have to get up soon, or I’m going to be late for work”

Clarke sighed and removed herself from Lexa. The Brunette didn’t miss the disappointment in Clarke’s attitude, and stopped Clarke from moving further away.

Clarke raised her brows, feeling Lexa put her arms back around her and bringing her closer, keeping the Blonde from getting up. She didn’t say anything though, happy to spend a little more time in Lexa’s strong arms.  

“Clarke” Lexa said, keeping the girl locked up in her embrace.

“Yes?”

“Talk to me”.

Clarke raised her brow again; not understanding Lexa’s behaviour. She turned around to face the Brunette, and was surprised to see a lot of emotions in Lexa’s eyes. “What do you want me to tell you?” Clarke asked, gently caressing Lexa’s cheek.

“What are you thinking about?”

“Right now?” Clarke asked.

“Yes”.

Clarke shifted a bit into the bed, getting more comfortable. “I think... I think that I don’t want you to go to work”.

The Blonde waited for Lexa to say something; but she did not and gave Clarke an encouraging look to keep talking instead.

“I don’t like it, when you’re not home with me” Clarke added in a whisper, not taking her eyes off Lexa’s.

“I don’t like being away from you, either” Lexa confessed. If Lexa had the choice, she would bring Ayden and Clarke to her office every day, just to have them under her watch.

Clarke nodded, lost in her thoughts for a moment. She was thinking about getting a job back, once Ayden would go to school. She didn’t know if she should talk to Lexa about it – they had never talk about Clarke’s life before they met –or if she should go looking for a job and then pop out the question. But in this case Lexa wouldn’t have a word to say, and it wasn’t feeling right.

“Clarke” Lexa said again, have noticed her girlfriend was still preoccupied with something. _Her **girlfriend** , that was damn right. _ 

The Blonde sighed, a bit desperate at how good Lexa was at reading her. “I was thinking about applying for a job” Clarke said.

“Yes? What kind of job?” Lexa asked. She had no idea what Clarke had been doing before their first meeting in the park, and was curious to know a bit more about the _Clarke before Lexa_.

“I used to be a nurse. At Polis’ hospital” Clarke said. “I’ve always wanted to be a doctor, but I got pregnant. Did paramedic instead”

Lexa nodded. She wanted to know more, a lot more, but knew better than to push Clarke to talk about something if she didn’t want to.

“I dropped it when Finn became.... unstable” Clarke said, “I just couldn’t let Ayden be alone with him, my friends were busy too, and he was so tiny I needed to look after him” Clarke ended her sentence in her whisper.

Lexa tugged Clarke closer. “Would you like to be a nurse again?”

“Yes, I think so” Clarke admitted.

“Then, you should go for it” Lexa smiled.

Clarke nodded, thanking Lexa for her approval. Lexa noticed the uncertainty in her girlfriend.

“What’s on your mind?” The Brunette asked.

“What about Ayden?” Clarke sighed, “Nurses schedules are complicated, I wouldn’t be able to go fetch him to school every day...”

Lexa shrugged. “Maybe I could go fetch him. I make my own agenda, I can get myself free” Lexa explained.

Clarke levelled her eyes to meet Lexa’s. Lexa smiled to her. “Like you said, we need to move forward, together” The brunette gently said, “and I want to be a part of your life, I want to be by your side every day, for everything. I also want to be part of Ayden’s life. If you let me”

Clarke had no words, as a few tears were rolling down her face. She knew Lexa wanted to be part of their lives, she had known it since day one, but it was something else to hear it spoken from the Brunette’s mouth.

“Don’t cry beautiful” Lexa smiled, caressing Clarke’s cheek with her thumb. It made Clarke chuckle, and the Blonde moved forwards to capture Lexa’s lips in a loving kiss. They parted, and stayed a few seconds staring at each other, happy expressions stuck on their faces.

Lexa’s heart was beating fast in her chest, so fast she was almost sure Clarke could hear it. This new life, she wanted all of it. She wanted morning talks and kisses in bed, she wanted dancing parties in the kitchen, she wanted the boy’s hand in hers after school, she wanted time with her favourite persons watching TV and cuddles in the couch with pizza and popcorn. She wanted a lifetime by Clarke’s side, to support her girlfriend when she wasn’t ok, and to be able to lean on her when she was the one feeling not ok. She wanted to contribute to Ayden’s education, watch him grow older and become a strong boy, just like his mother was.

Clarke noticed Lexa thinking hard, and the goofy smile she had on her face.  “What’s on _your_ mind, Lexa?” Clarke asked, as the Brunette had asked her a few minutes ago.

Lexa shifted a bit in the bed to have her eyes at the same level as Clarke’s. “I’m just happy” she whispered. “I’m not really used to it”.

Clarke chuckled and kissed Lexa. “Maybe we can learn what happiness is. Together”.

Lexa smiled and nodded furiously, capturing Clarke’s lips once more. “Together”.

They were interrupted by someone shouting into the apartment and tiny footprints coming towards the room.

“Mommy, Yexa, you’re awake?”

The girls laughed, recognising Ayden’s voice. The boy knocked on the door and opened it slightly.

“Come on baby” Clarke gestured at her son to enter the room. Ayden launched himself onto the girls, making the three of them laugh when Lexa took Ayden’s foot right on her face.

* * *

 

Octavia had just woken up in the apartment, and sat down next to Lincoln at the kitchen’s table. Well, if you could call it a kitchen. There wasn’t any clear separate rooms in this place anyways. Bellamy was reading the news, and Lincoln was typing stuff on his phone. He looked up when his girlfriend sat down, noticing the smile she had on her lips.

“Hey love, had a good night?” Lincoln asked, smiling sweetly at Octavia.

“I talked with Clarke yesterday” Octavia said.

“I know” Lincoln smiled again. He was happy Clarke and Octavia were good with each other. He knew Clarke would never really be mad at Octavia or any of them for blaming her for the choices she had made in the past, but he had seen Octavia struggling with this for a while now and he was happy it was behind the two girls. Octavia was strong; but no one could be strong all the time, even less when it was about family.

“It’s Friday Bell” Octavia said to her brother, “shouldn’t you be at the police’s station?”

“Nope” Bellamy answered sipping his coffee, “I worked so many hours the last month they don’t want me to come to work until Monday. They would have to pay me more” he winked at his sister.

They all knew Bellamy had worked extra hard to be in every patrol to secretly look for Clarke, a month ago. And the fact was that he had thrown himself in work a bit too; maybe to avoid thinking about burdens and guilt, maybe to erase the thought that they seemed to have failed their Blonde friend.

“You said you’ve seen Clarke?” Bellamy then asked, remembering the discussion his sister and Lincoln just had, “when?”

“Yesterday” Octavia said cautiously. She had never figured out what was going on between Clarke and Bellamy. They had started as “enemies” first, always disagreeing with the other, and then as “co-leaders”, and finally as “best-friends”, with time. Octavia knew Clarke had never seen Bellamy as something else than a friend, but she wasn’t that sure about her brother.

Actually, she was ready to bet Bellamy was pining a little over Clarke.

“Do you think she will come visit us soon? She said she would probably spend the weekends here” The Blake boy asked.

“I don’t know Bell. Ask her yourself” Octavia shrugged, getting up to clean the breakfast table.

Bellamy sighed, taking his phone out. Lincoln was trying hard not to smile; it was funny, how both the Blakes siblings seemed to have trouble talking with Clarke.

**Bellamy: Hi Clarke. Last time you were there, Raven mentioned you would probably spend the weekends in Arcadia. Are you coming this weekend?**

He put his phone back in his pocket, bringing his focus back on his breakfast.

“Hi people!” Raven shouted at them when she entered the apartment, banging the door open.

Bellamy groaned at his friend. Raven was capable of being productive at the second she was out of bed. This girl was a battery with legs.  

“Hey Raven” Lincoln greeted her, “let me take my jacket and we’re going”.

“Rae, I’ve seen Clarke yesterday” Octavia happily said, hugging her friend as a greeting. Raven smiled to her friend; she knew Octavia had had trouble with guilt these last days, - they all had - and was happy it seemed solved with Clarke.

“Ok Raven I’m ready, let’s go. Bye, you two” he waved goodbye at the siblings.

Lincoln was always making sure he was able to drop Raven to work every day. The others could walk to go to work, but sadly Raven couldn’t. He was doing it without acting like it was a big deal; and Raven was grateful.

* * *

 

Once the two of them were gone, Octavia heard her brother loudly sigh in the living-room.

“What’s up, Bell?” She asked.

“Nothing” he shrugged, but it was not hard to see he was lying. She shot him a _“don’t fool with me”_ look, and he sighed again.

“I just... Did Clarke seem ok, when you saw her?” Bellamy asked.

Octavia raised her brows, because it was not what she thought her brother would say. “Yes, she seemed well. Why?”

“Good, that’s good” he said.

“Bellamy”, she raised a brow at him.

“I just feel like we did this to her, you know? Like, this is our fault she ran away, our fault she had to go through all this shit with Finn, alone. We are her friends, she’s _family_ , and we didn’t see how Finn was with her. She was alone.”

Octavia sat by her brother, lightly pocking him in the shoulder. “Bell. Clarke is stubborn. You know well that we didn’t see anything because she didn’t want us to find out. Ultimately, that was her choice, you know that”.

“Yes I am aware” her brother sighed, “but I can’t help the guilt I feel”.

“I know” Octavia said, leaning on him, “I feel that way too. But she wouldn’t want us to blame ourselves.”

They stayed silent for a while, both lost in their thoughts, until Bellamy spoke again.

“This life is so complicated” Bellamy huffed, changing the subject and showing Octavia some papers he was working on.

“What’s that?” The Blake girl asked, looking at the documents.

“Stuff we have to sign, in order for us to keep our flats” Bellamy explained, “since Lexa has bought the whole building, the flats are hers. This,” He said pointing at one of the paper, “is the document which says that Lexa –mostly Coalition Corp- lend the flats we actually live in to all of us”.

“Lend?” Octavia frowned, “as in...”

“As in, no rent to pay, yes” her brother confirmed.

Octavia gasped. That couldn’t be possible. Their rents weren’t heavy, but they still had to pay something at the end of the month. How could Lexa not ask for money in exchange of giving them some place to live?

“She can’t do this, can she?” Octavia whispered. Bellamy shrugged, because Lexa had really sent them those papers.

“It’s her building. I suppose she can do what she wants with it” Bellamy said.

“So what’s next?”

“We need to talk about this with the others. There was a letter joined to the files” Bellamy informed his sister, giving her the letter, “Lexa said the Company will start fixing the building next week, and people are coming to fix our flats too, one by one so we can crash at each other’s place when one flat is being fixed”.

“She thought about everything” Octavia shook her head in disbelief.

“Yeah. We still need to talk with the rest of the gang. Even maybe with Lexa”.

“That girl is weird” Octavia chuckled, looking at the papers.

Bellamy smiled, as his phone was buzzing. New text.  

**Clarke: Hi Bell. I don’t know yet, I have to talk about it with Lexa when she comes home from work. But even if we don’t spend the weekend in Arcadia, I think Ayden and I will at least come to visit for a bit on Saturday. :)**

Bellamy smiled, and let Octavia read the text over his shoulder.

**Bellamy: Ok Princess. Let us know when you have more information**

**Clarke: Will do. Say hi to everyone!**

**Bellamy: Will do.**

Bellamy send a text to everyone, telling them Clarke may be in Arcadia in the weekend, then locked his phone and gathered the papers. Octavia got up.

“Where are you going sis?” he asked his sister.

“Secret basement” Octavia said with a smile, “it’s time I go back”.

Bellamy smiled back, and watched his sister leave the place. First, he hadn’t been ok at all with Octavia being part of some secret organisation which could basically get her killed every minute. But then, he had seen the good it had provided to his sister, and after one night seeing her knock a guy down on the streets, he had admitted that she was more than capable to take care of herself. 

* * *

 

Lincoln dropped Raven in front of Trikru’s building. Raven didn’t really had to go to work today, as she had the week off, but Anya had asked her to come in the locals to visit everything and become familiar with all the tech and the people she would soon work with. As on cue, Anya was parking at the same time, and jog-trotted towards the girl to open the door for her.

“Hello Raven” Anya said, holding the door.

Raven raised a brow at Anya’s gesture, but greeted her without adding any comments. “Hi Anya”.

Raven was carrying a little suitcase –actually the “little” suitcase was very heavy since Raven liked to go around with thousands piece of papers covered in schemas and maths and crazy stuff- and Anya wordlessly took the suitcase from Raven’s hand, carrying it for her while guiding them towards the elevator.

Raven of course wasn’t too pleased with the initiative Anya had taken –she didn’t want people to pity her- but was thankful nonetheless. Raven knew she wouldn’t have last the hour with having to carry her suitcase anyways.

“So” Anya said while they were waiting for the elevator to come down, “ready to discover Trikru’s biggest secrets?”

Raven smirked. She didn’t know what Anya was going to show her yet, but the fact was she already knew some of Trikru’s biggest secrets. She was friend with the best hacker in Polis –the one and only Monty Green- and was herself very _very_ familiar with computers. It was no surprise that, by the age of 18, she had already hacked almost every big firm in the whole City. Just to mess around, of course. Oh, and yeah it helped that one of her sisters Octavia was actually working for a total secret organisation lead by Trikru Company, known by only a handful of people.

Useless to say that Octavia wasn’t her real sister though, neither were Clarke or Harper, but they were still family, and were beginning to refer to each other as such.

Anya raised her brows at Raven’s content face. She didn’t know what was causing this expression on the girl’s face, but she knew Raven had to be up to something.

They entered the elevator, and instead of pushing a floor’s number like normal people were doing, Anya put her hand in some spot on the mirror behind them. Suddenly, what looked like a scan appeared under Anya’s hand, like it was scanning the hand or some kind...?

“ _Anya Woods kom Trikru. Public relations. Authorized access_ ” a mechanic voice said into the elevator. Then, the cabin started going down.

“You must wonder what is going on” Anya said, turning herself towards Raven. To say that Raven was intrigued was a fucking euphemism. Why did they fuckin’ have a palm scan hidden in a mirror like in some of spy movie? _Yes, Raven was swearing a lot. Nothing new here, though._

“Is this the way to go to an office here?” Raven asked, raising her brows at the other girl.

“You were recruited to work for Trikru that is true”, Anya said “officially, as a mechanic and basically the best genius in the whole continent”.

Raven couldn’t stop herself from smiling a little. Which smile Anya noticed. “Don’t get cocky, Reyes” Anya shot her a glare.

 “Anyways, in the open, you’re a mechanic for Trikru’s business. Fixing systems, computers, this kind of stuff. But what you will really do...” Anya trailed off as the elevator’s doors were opening on a big room filled with neon lights.

“Is working _here”_ , Anya ended her sentence. Raven got out of the cabin, looking all around. The place was so big; it was like a huge hangar filled with thousands billion stuff. Computers and big screens all over the place, areas which were clearly made to practice training, boxing rings, pushing-balls hanging from the ceiling, people knocking each other on fighting mats. Raven’s eyes were wildly open, trying to take everything in. What the fuck was this place? Then, Raven understood it was Trikru’s facility for its secret team. The place where Octavia was probably spending most of her days when she was “at work”. 

Raven felt Anya gently tugging at her elbow to make her move. “Come on, I’ll show you around” Anya guided her in the facility.

“Here” Anya pointed to the boxing rings, “is where our warriors train, seven hours a day”.

“Closer to eight actually” Raven mumbled for herself; Octavia had told her about it. Anya shot her a surprised look, having heard her; how could Raven know about this? She didn’t ask questions though.

“This is the armory, and behind it there’s an entrance to Polis’ underground” Anya said, looking at Raven, expecting to see surprise written on her face. But Raven just nodded. Of course, the girl knew that already; she didn’t know any entrance, but she knew Octavia was using them sometimes with her team. Plus, Raven had seen maps of Polis’ Underground, few years ago, while hacking the servers. Anya was stunned once more; it would usually leave people curious and surprised to know Polis had secret undergrounds, and Raven was obviously not surprised.

But before she could ask questions, Octavia was running over, lacing her arms around Raven.

“Rae! What are you doing here?” Octavia almost shouted with excitement- maybe with fear too- and jumped on Raven to hug her. Anya was stunned, once more. She knew Octavia from the day they had visited Arcadia, and the other time she had spent the day with Ayden and the girls and their silly friends. But she had no explanations for Octavia’s presence here.

“Octavia” Anya said, waiting for an explanation.

Octavia suddenly became serious, let go of Raven, put both her hands behind her back, taking the military posture. “Octavia Blake, code name _Skygirl_ , Indra’s second in command” Octavia quickly said.

Anya’s eyes widened as Indra was coming closer. “Anya, what is going on?”

Anya opened her mouth, but no sounds came out. She actually didn’t know what was happening. Indra’s second? That couldn’t be possible. She wasn’t even sure Octavia was twenty years old.

Raven cut into the weirdness, “Raven Reyes. Mechanic”, she introduced herself for Indra.

“You’re the one for the new job” Indra said, rising a brow at Raven. If Indra was honest, it was not what she had expected their new tech genius to look like. Well, she hadn’t expected the person to be Raven.

Anya seemed to have recovered from her stupor and her brain was figuring things out. “Indra” she asked, turning towards Indra, “Is Octavia the one you’ve been talking to me for _years_?”

The fact was, Anya had heard a lot about the new girl Indra had taken as a second, but any time she had wanted to see her, the girl was unavailable, and Anya had dropped the thing.

“Yes” Indra nodded. Anya frowned a bit; Octavia was really young, and was within the team for a few couples of years now. This was weird.

“Octavia” Anya asked, “Please show Raven where she will work. Introduce her to the team”.

Octavia nodded, and led the way for Raven, not forgetting to take Raven’s suitcase from Anya’s hands.

* * *

 

Anya waited for Octavia and Raven to be out of ear reach to start the conversation again.

“Indra. She’s young” Anya stated.

“Yes”. The older girl nodded.

“Too young to be this experienced”.

Indra looked at her with a defiant look, waiting to see if Anya had figured out already.

“She’s underage” Anya then said, understanding spilling all over her.

“She is not” Indra answered.

“She was when you recruited her” Anya stated then.

“Yes”.

Anya threw her arms in the air. This was the reason why she had never seen the girl, the reason why Raven seemed to already know stuff about them, like training hours and undergrounds under Polis’ streets.

“How did you manage to recruit her if she didn’t have the legal age?” Anya then asked.

“I had my ways”.

“Lexa knows about this?”

“She knows we recruited an underage girl, yes”.

Anya huffed. She hated not knowing things; she had been part of this unit after all, few years earlier, before being asked to be a public face and Trikru’s ambassador. And knowing her cousin knew this girl everyone had been talking about all along was frustrating. And still, Anya hadn’t seen any papers mentioning Octavia’s implication into Trikru’s organisation. That was weird, because very new person they hired often had to go through her for their cover job and stuff. Unless... Unless Octavia didn’t exist.

“She’s one of the ghosts” Anya said, slowly figuring out.

“Yes” Indra nodded again.

The ghosts were a special team within the secret organisation. There were no files on them; completely untraceable. They were coming in actions for the most risky missions; because if they were to be caught or held captive, the kidnappers would have nothing on them, not a single info to use. There were only eight ghosts. Well, nine, since Anya knew about Octavia now.  Anya had wanted to be a ghost, first. She had learned all about moving without anyone noticing you, she had learned how to avoid being taken a picture of, even if it was for family or tourists, so there would have no evidence she ever existed. The ghosts simply officially didn’t exist.

“Does Lexa know the underage girl is one of the ghosts?” Anya asked again.

“Yes. She has never met her, though”.

“She is way too young!” Anya protested. Being a ghost was the most dangerous thing to be.

“When we recruited Octavia, she was no younger than...” Indra started, only to be cut off by Anya.

“It was different. _She_ created the unit, of course _she_ was part of the ghosts” Anya huffed.

No need to name who they were talking about. They both knew.

“Where do you know Octavia from, now?” Indra then asked. She had seen the look on Anya’s face when Octavia had hugged the new mechanic. They were already familiar with each other.

“Long story” Anya sighed. She hated when everything was unclear; like all of them meeting like this, discovering relatives all around; like this one time she had been in Lexa’s loft and she had met with Lincoln again, and him and Octavia with Clarke. Everything was so messed up it was giving her a headache.

“Try me” Indra insisted, gesturing for them to take a sit on a bench nearby.

Anya sat and sighed once again. “Lexa... My cousin met a girl. With her son, on a bench in a freaking park in the middle of the winter at the beginning of December. And I don’t know, but Indra... Lexa felt something.”

Indra raised her brows at this; as Anya, she knew well Lexa had sworn to herself not to feel love again.

“Lexa does not _feel_ since...”

“I know, I know” Anya cut Indra off, “but it’s different. I don’t know the whole story, but with those two, she... She is the Lexa I thought we had lost”.

Indra didn’t say a word, simply waiting for Anya to continue. “They live at her place” the older Woods said, earning a confused look from Indra, “and they are pretty close. I met Raven at the coffee shop before her meeting for the job here. And then I discovered she was friend with the Blonde girl living at Lexa’s place, along with Octavia. Raven knew about _this”_ Anya gestured around them, “Octavia must have told her”.

Indra hummed, raising suspicions inside Anya. “You were aware Raven knew”.

Indra nodded, and Anya huffed, throwing her arms in the air once again. “What is wrong with you people? I’m always discovering secrets! How could someone not working here be aware of what we were doing? Isn’t Octavia sworn to secrecy, like the rest of us? She’s a _ghost,_ no civilians should be aware of her existence!”

Indra sent a glare to her, not impressed by her outburst. “Octavia was underage. We wanted her in the team, but we needed someone to know what she was doing in case things turned bad” Indra explained with a calm voice, “and then I figured they were a whole gang, which had gone through a lot, and they were extremely attached to each other. There was no way Octavia could lie about what she was doing”.

“So she’s a ghost and the whole crew knows about Octavia’s real job” Anya raised her brows.

“Yes.”

“And you expect all of them to keep it as a secret?” Anya huffed, absolutely not convinced.

“Yes” Indra confirmed again.

“This is madness!” Anya growled. She didn’t understand; Indra had always been the most careful of them all, why had she taken a risk that big for only one person?

“This is _loyalty”_ Indra corrected. “All of them are loyal to each other; they wouldn’t give her secret away. They know it could put her in danger, and they wouldn’t risk her life.”

“And you believe it will always be this way” Anya raised a brow again.

“Yes”. Indra knew a lot of things, and she knew she had made the right call by letting Octavia tell her friends what she was really doing. She knew it looked hard to believe, but it was actually protecting Octavia.

Anya sighed. She still wasn’t convinced by the process; this was supposed to be a _secret_ operative organisation, and now she was learning that at least ten people not _part_ of the whole team knew about it.

“Listen to me” Indra said, “This group Octavia and Raven are part of, they are very powerful; even if they don’t know it yet.”

“How so?” Anya asked.

Indra took a deep breath. “They are direct descendants from the last Sky people.”

Anya’s eyes widened. “All of them?” This couldn’t be possible. Everyone believed the Sky people had all died at some point, murdered in a bunch of different ways along the years. But then she remembered Octavia’s code name. _Skygirl._

“That could change _everything_ ” Anya whispered, still in shock.

“The blonde girl you say Lexa likes”, Indra started.

“Clarke” Anya said.

“Yes, Clarke. She’s the head of the group. You remember Jake Griffin?”

Anya nodded; she had known the man well a few years ago, before he died in weird circumstances. Jake Griffin had been one of the few Sky people still alive when she had begun to work for Trikru. He had been a good engineer, with a very intelligent brain, extremely valuable for Skaikru and Trikru when he shared his discoveries.

“Do you know Clarke’s last name?” Indra asked.

Anya shook her head no; except the Blonde’s first name, there were not a lot of things she could say about Clarke. She wasn’t even sure Lexa knew.

“Her full name is Clarke Abigail Griffin.” The older woman said, and Anya chocked on air.

“That’s not possible...”

“His only daughter” Indra confirmed.

“That means...”

“That means they could restart the 13th Company which died before Lexa could have her hands on it, yes”.

Anya shook her head in disbelief. They were too much information at the same time.

“We can’t be sure” Anya tried. That would complicate everything.  

“You’re no fool, Anya, you know they will find out too” Indra said.

“I know, I know. But we drop the thing, for now. We act like we know nothing. They have enough on their plates already”. Anya sighed, thinking about Lexa’s troubles with Nia and Clarke’s ex-boyfriend’s trial, and all the things they would have to take care of because of Lexa buying Arcadia Building.

Indra nodded. Anya was right; those things would have to wait. Octavia and Raven were making their ways back to them.

“You officially start next Monday Raven, but feel free to hang around in here in the weekend to get familiar with the equipments and stuff” Indra said. “Glad we meet again”.

Indra left, and Anya had a weird expression on her face.

“I’ve met her the day she explained all about Octavia’s job to us” Raven clarified.

Anya hummed, and kept her eyes fixed on Raven. Octavia cleared her throat. “So I’m going home Rae, you need a ride?”

Octavia had to repeat herself twice before Raven and Anya broke their gazes and for Raven to hear her.

“Hum yeah, ok for the ride” Raven mumbled and followed Octavia, aware of Anya’s eyes still on her. _Man, those two were weird._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK so I know there's a lot of new infos on this chapter, but don't worry, I'm just dropping hints about stuff for the rest of the story! You'll understand later :)


	40. I Will Follow You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN I'm sorry I didn't update in more than a week, I'm very busy with exams all over the country and I'm travelling a lot, it's not easy to have the proper time to update, but don't worry I didn't forget about the story! ;)
> 
> This chapter is not a really long one but I'll have another one ready by the weekend ;) Enjoy!

_Song : I Will Follow You by Toulouse_

Octavia opened the back door to Polis’ undergrounds.

“What was that all about?” Octavia asked her friend while taking two helmets off a shelf.

“What?” Raven feigned innocence.

“Don’t fool with me Raven Reyes. You two were undressing each other with your eyes back there” Octavia wiggled her brows.

“Stop it. Nothing’s going on” Raven grumbled.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk sex with me” Octavia smirked.

“Shut up O” Raven poked her in the shoulder.

“Hey I’m not the one head over heels for cheekbone over there!” Octavia smirked again, moving quickly to avoid Raven’s next punch, “don’t be mad Rae, she’s not THE Lexa Woods but Anya is still a Woods is she not?”

“I’m so going to blow you head off” Raven growled, throwing herself at the Blake girl. Octavia exploded in laughs as Raven tackled her to the ground, making them roll on the dusty floor. They coughed for five minutes because of it while they were trying to suppress their laughs.

“Ok come on, time to go” Octavia said after they finally had calmed down, holding her hand for Raven to take to help her get on her feet. She passed a helmet to her, earning an interrogating look from the Brunette with the brace on her leg.

“Trust me, you’re going to love it” Octavia smirked, opening another door. Raven followed her friend and they arrived in some sort of tunnel with not enough light for Raven’s liking.

“What is this place?” Raven asked, looking at her surroundings.

Octavia just smiled without saying anything. She knew Raven will soon figure out they were under Polis’ streets, in its undergrounds. She pointed towards something hiding under a tarpaulin, and lifted the thing off. Raven’s eyes widened.

“Is that what I think it is?” Raven said very excitedly, wandering her hand on Octavia’s black bike. Octavia laughed, putting her helmet on and gesturing for Raven to do the same.

The Brunette did as she had been told, and the second the helmet was on her head, Octavia lifted her in the air, earning a surprise yelp for Raven. Octavia had sat the Brunette on the bike; she knew Raven couldn’t do it herself. Raven was grateful for that; with time, her friends had stopped asking Raven if she needed help, and had quickly figured out the things she couldn’t do on her own. Now, they were not helping her if she wasn’t asking, but were still aware of her condition and were doing things like this without acting like it was a big deal.

Octavia sat herself in front of Raven, showing the girl where she could put her good foot. For the left one, the one Raven couldn’t quite control, Octavia began to strap the left leg to her own leg with straps, knowing Raven wouldn’t be able to keep it still on the tiny foot support; Octavia could keep Raven’s leg in the good position and still lean on her other leg to support the bike’s weight when they were to stop. Raven shot her an interrogating look.

“So the leg doesn’t try to go do fun stuff on its own” Octavia joked. Raven smiled back, so grateful for her friend.

The thing was Octavia had thought about taking Raven for a ride on her bike for a long time now. She knew Raven always dreamed of riding one, but because of her leg, she couldn’t do it on her own. Octavia had spent nights after nights trying to think about a way to adapt a bike to Raven’s condition; she had found solutions of course, a lot of them actually, but there was still a major issue with all of them; money. So Octavia had promised herself to take Raven on her bike at least once, with their left legs strapped together, for the Brunette’s birthday coming up in a few months.

“You’re ready Rae?” Octavia whispered to her friend, who nodded eagerly against her friend’s back.

Octavia escaped a tiny laugh, started the bike and began riding into Polis’ undergrounds. Looks like the occasion to ride with Raven had come soon enough, and Octavia loved every minute of it; and surely Raven loved it too, if you looked at her beamed smile.

_I will follow you_  
_Follow you wherever you may go_  
 _there isn't an ocean too deep_  
 _A mountain so high it can keep_  
 _Keep me away_  
 _Away from my love_

The bike’s headlight was making the light dance on the walls of the undergrounds as they were moving. Raven was lightly pressed against O’s body, happy to feel free like this, hair flying a little in the air, not having to be preoccupied by anything except the wheels’ sensations echoing in her body.

“Thanks you, O” she whispered.

Octavia didn’t respond, but Raven felt a light squeeze on her thigh. They didn’t need much to communicate, those two. Yeah, Octavia and Raven were different in a thousand different ways, and their relation was not like the ones they had with Clarke and the others; but maybe that was why they were getting along so well.

* * *

It was six pm, and Lexa had had enough of work. Even if she knew she shouldn’t leave the building before 7, she couldn’t resist anymore and needed to go home. She wanted to take her girl in her arms, and ruffling Ayden’s hair while telling each other how their days had gone.

She closed the files, and turned the lights off. On her way downstairs, she crossed paths with John Murphy.

“You’re going home, Heda?” Murphy genuinely asked.

“Yes” Lexa smiled back, “and you can go home too.”

“Thank you, I think I will” John said, and then took a look around before speaking again making sure no one was here. “Are you coming to Arcadia with Clarke and Ayden this weekend? Clarke said she will probably come by”

Lexa frowned a little; Clarke and she had not discussed it. “I don’t know yet. Maybe”.

John nodded with a smile, and walked away. Lexa entered the elevator, her thoughts directed towards her Blonde. Clarke had not mentioned going to Arcadia for the weekend; even if Lexa had suggested the idea a while ago. Did Clarke wanted to go there, but was too afraid to ask? Maybe she had planned to go there without Lexa on Saturday, when she was at work.

Lexa pensively walked home. In front of the door, as Lexa was putting the keys into the lock, she suddenly stopped her movements. From the other side of the door she could hear screams of joy, laughs and music playing softly into the loft. Lexa smiled, and unlocked the door.

Her smile grew even wilder when she saw what was happening. Clarke and Ayden were pants-less, left in t-shirts and underwear, dancing with each other on the music’s rhythm. Lexa recognized their song right away. It was the first one they ever danced on, the three of them; _Before you know it_ by Colony House. Lexa carefully put her suitcase down and removed her shoes, not taking her eyes off the scene. She noticed flour all around the kitchen’s table, and noticed how Clarke’s and Ayden’s hair were paler than usual. It was melting Lexa’s heart, to see Clarke laughing and dancing so freely like this. It was melting Lexa’s entire soul, to see the little boy smiling from ear to ear, waving in front of his mother, his arms doing weird movements while jumping a little, covered in flour.  

And something unlocked itself in Lexa. She wanted to come home to this every day.

_I love you_  
_I love you_  
 _I love you_

She slowly headed towards them, but none of them had noticed Lexa was home; too busy dancing and laughing and throwing flour. Lexa swiped her hand onto the kitchen’s table to gather flour, and sneaked behind Clarke. She saw Ayden noticing her, and put her finger on her mouth to tell him not to say anything.

She got closer to the Blonde, Ayden watching her with pure excitement eyes. And then, Lexa jumped on Clarke, circling her with her arms and throwing the flour she had on her hands to Clarke’s face. Clarke jumped in surprise with a shriek. Then, she noticed Lexa’s presence behind her and the smirk she was wearing on her face.

“Oh, it’s _so_ on” Clarke wiggled her eyes brows with a revenge look. Lexa’s eyes widened. The three of them stared at each other for five seconds. Suddenly, they all began to run towards the kitchen to gather flour.

“Run Ayden!” Clarke shouted to her son as Lexa was trying to get a hold on the Blonde so she would stop throwing the white powder in Lexa’s hair.

But then, Lexa’s foot slip on some flour, and fell down on the floor, Clarke on top of her. They began to hysterically laugh, as Ayden had taken the occasion to make even more flour rain over them.

Ten minutes, it was the time they had needed for them to calm down enough to stop laughing every time they would look at each other. They still had big smiles written on their faces, and Lexa took a few pictures of them, lying on the floor and covered in white flour. Lexa never wanted to let go of this.

_Where you go, I follow_  
_I follow_  
 _I follow_

* * *

 “Ok you two” Clarke chuckled when Ayden and Lexa tried to keep Clarke on the ground; “we have to clean this mess” she pointed to the flat with flour covering everything.

“What happened anyways?” Lexa asked, still not knowing the reason the loves of her life had been throwing flour at each other in the first place.

“This little man” Clarke pointed her son wiggling her finger, “thought funny to blow flour at my face while we were trying to make a cake”.

Ayden’s floured satisfied smirk was all it took to make them burst into laughter again. Finally, Lexa got up, held her hand to help Clarke to her feet and intertwined their fingers together. Clarke looked down at their hands, and smiled at the Brunette.

“Ayden, bathroom, shower, right now” Clarke said to her son while a light smile. Ayden nodded, and happily went to clean himself. Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder, watching their little man walk away.

“I want this” Lexa murmured.

Clarke frowned and turned herself to face Lexa. “What do you want?”

“This” Lexa gestured around, “I want this, all of it. I want flour battles when I come home from work, I want dance parties, I want cuddles in bed and our hands always intertwined together” Lexa wiped away some flour on Clarke’s cheeks,“I want this life, if you want me in yours. Clarke, I...”

Clarke waited for Lexa to end the sentence. She knew it wasn’t easy for Lexa to confess things; she had gone through a lot, because of love. Clarke understood. So she was waiting, ears wide open for the moment Lexa would finally say it.

But Lexa didn’t say the words. “John Murphy mentioned you wanted to go to Arcadia for the weekend?” She asked instead.

Clarke acted as if Lexa hadn’t almost say the words. It could have made Clarke sad, to hear Lexa backtracking. She was a little disappointed, that was true, but sad she was not. She knew Lexa loved her, and didn’t mind waiting a little longer for her to say it out loud.

“You talked to Murphy” Clarke raised her brow, playing along with Lexa’s sudden change of conversation.

“I already told you he is my councilor’s apprentice” Lexa nodded, “Isn’t he your friend?”

“I guess he is. It’s just that Murphy doesn’t really _communicate_ with people” Clarke sighed.

Lexa nodded, “Don’t try to avoid the question, though” The Brunette smiled at her girlfriend, kissing the tip of her nose. Clarke internally chuckled because Lexa was the one avoiding to talk about something.

“Bellamy asked me if I was going over there this weekend, yes” Clarke shrugged, “I said I would talk to you about it”.

“Do you want to go spend the weekend in Arcadia?” Lexa gently asked, looking into blue eyes.

“I don’t really want to go if you’re not there with me” Clarke mumbled looking down.

Lexa smiled, and put her hands around Clarke’s face so the girl would look at her. “Clarke. Wherever you go, I go too. I want to be with you, every minute I can. I can hardly handle being away from you when I’m at work, I don’t want to spend a night away if I don’t have to!” she chuckled, and kissed Clarke’s nose again. “You’re very important to me. Clarke, I...” Lexa took a deep breath. “I love you.”

And Clarke’s water gates opened. It wasn’t sad tears; it was happy ones. Because Lexa had finally said the words. She knew Lexa loved her; but still, it was something to hear the words from the one you loved and who loved you back.

Lexa smiled again to her crying girlfriend, gently wiping away her tears, placing kisses all over Clarke’s face. Her nose, both her cheeks, just under her eyes where the tears were rolling down, around her jaw and in the crock of her neck. Lexa loved the girl she had in her arms, she loved her so much, and she wanted to prove it to Clarke, every second from now on. It felt _so_ good to say it out loud and Lexa couldn’t wait to say it again, over and over.

“I love you” Lexa repeated, humming into Clarke’s neck.

“I love you too, you sap” Clarke sniffed and half-laughed as Lexa was embracing her in a bone-crashing hug.

_You'll always be my true love_   
_My true love_   
_My true love_   
_Forever..._

* * *

 Raven and Octavia just arrived under the Arcadia building. Of course, Raven didn’t know that.

“Why are we stopping?” she asked.

“We are here” Octavia simply said. She unstrapped Raven’s leg to hers, being careful not to move it too fast or too roughly. She got out of the bike, and held her hands to Raven.

“Come on you big baby” Octavia joked as Raven was holding her own arms so Octavia could remove her from the bike’s seat.

Octavia carefully put Raven down and hold her arm for Raven to lean on. Octavia knew that sometimes when Raven was still for too long, her muscles in her bad leg were sore and she had troubles moving around for a bit.

“You leave the bike here?” Raven asked.

“Yeah. No one comes down here” Octavia shrugged. She hesitated to explain the tunnels to Raven, but figured out Raven would learn about them later anyways.

“This is my tunnel, which goes directly to Trikru’s secrets quarters” Octavia explained while walking, “and this one... Was Zoe’s” Octavia pointed towards another tunnel finishing in hers. Raven sighed. Zoe Monroe had been one of their closest friends. Well, she hadn’t been that close to Raven Octavia and Clarke, but close enough to Harper to call her one of their sisters. She had worked with Octavia for a while, before being killed in some ambush. 

“Where does it lead?” Raven then asked.

“Zoe’s leads right behind her father’s house” Octavia said. “Mine...” she trailed off, taping the wall on some special place.

A door came out of nowhere, and Raven whistled. It made Octavia smile, and she helped her friend get out of the undergrounds. Raven’s eyes widened when she understood where the door was heading.

“It’s Arcadia’s storage room!”

“yes” Octavia chuckled, and then winced when she felt Raven’s fist connecting with her shoulder.

“What was that for?!” Octavia exclaimed.

“For not telling me there was a fucking secret passage into our crappy building!” Raven exclaimed back.

“It’s classified” Octavia shrugged, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to hide anything from...”

“I know, dummy” Raven interrupted her with a smile, “Let’s go home, now”.

Octavia smiled back and followed Raven into the stairs.

_I will follow you  
__Every since you touched my hand, I knew_  
_Near you, I always must be_  
 _Nothing can keep you from me_  
 _You are my destiny..._


	41. One Step Ahead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know I haven't updated in a week, but I'm still having a lot of exams all around France, so... But I'm trying hard to bring new chapters to you guys! This one is quite long, so I hope it will make up for the lack of updates the last week :)
> 
> I know a lot of you have questions about the delinquents' past, Lexa's past, Costia's back story etc and I know I am dropping a lot of hints a bit "out of nowhere" but don't worry everything will make sense in the end. 
> 
> THANKS to all of you, reading me, and sending me your comments and your feelings about my work, I'm super glad each time I read a comment :)
> 
> Enjoy!

** Chapter 40 : One Step Ahead **

_Song : Footnotes (Happy Endings) by Ward Thomas_

Clarke was packing some stuff in a bag Lexa had given her for their weekend in Arcadia. Clarke didn’t want to admit it, but she was kind of nervous to go back to her old apartment, even if it was only for two days. She had made so many memories over there, goods ones as bad ones, and she didn’t know if she was going to feel comfortable at all.

But then, she heard Lexa laugh – while chasing after Ayden who was apparently just fresh out of the shower and was soaking the loft with his so not dry feet- and she relaxed. Lexa was going to be here, by her side, every minute of the weekend. She had nothing to fear; Lexa would protect her. Then, Clarke remembered all of her friends would be around too, and she knew they would do anything to make sure she was feeling safe.

Clarke took a deep breath to calm herself. She didn’t want to panic in front of Lexa, did she? She closed the bag, switched the light off and went back into the living room where Ayden had finally put some shoes on. Clarke couldn’t help a smile from growing on her face as she was watching the two of them interact. She knew Lexa was her girlfriend, and they had both already confessed their love to each other. But Clarke also knew that having a girlfriend – or a boyfriend- could be temporary, and with Lexa, she really wished it was not. The girl was so much already for Ayden and Clarke, the Blonde couldn’t imagine having to live without her, and that was really scary. Clarke knew Ayden was in love with Lexa too, in his own way, and she didn’t want her son to be heart-broken too the day Clarke and Lexa would drift apart.

Clarke glanced into the living-room. Lexa was on the phone with probably someone from work and seemed to be in deep discussion, waving her arm around as she was talking.

If Clarke was braver and not afraid of everything, she would propose to Lexa, right now. Of course, she knew it couldn’t be done; they had done so many things too quickly already – as living together before even knowing each other- and there were so many things to learn about each other first.

But still, she couldn’t stop herself from wishing Lexa would stay in their life forever, being Ayden’s other parent and helping Clarke raise him. And Clarke was glad, because it seemed like it was one of Lexa’s wish, too. She knew she would have to talk about Ayden with Lexa soon, to clarify things. For now, she was so happy Lexa was here.

“Yes, ok” Lexa nodded in the phone, “It should work, thank you”. She hung up and noticed her girlfriend, standing in the living-room with a bag on her shoulder, lost in her thoughts. She finished helping Ayden put his shoes on, told him to go grab his favourite toys and made her way towards Clarke.

“Hey there” Lexa gently said, taking the bag from Clarke, putting it on the floor and taking the girl in her arms, “Is everything ok?”

Clarke reciprocated the hug immediately, burying her nose into Lexa’s neck. “Yes” Clarke hummed, “I just love you”.

It made Lexa smile as she kissed Clarke lightly on the forehead, “and I love you too.”

It was Clarke’s turn to smile like an idiot; they really looked like teenagers in love, and they couldn’t care less.

“Are you ready to go?” Lexa then asked, softly caressing Clarke’s back. Lexa knew it would be a bit hard for Clarke to go back to her old apartment; she knew it was full of Finn memories and stuff, and she didn’t want to pressure her girlfriend to do anything.

Clarke sighed, tightening a little bit her embrace around Lexa’s waist. Lexa raised a brow, but said nothing.

“You’ll stay close to me?” Clarke shyly asked.

“The closer I can be” Lexa nodded, deposing quick kisses on Clarke’s head.

“Ok” Clarke nodded, “we can go”.

* * *

 

Back in Arcadia, the rest of the delinquents were fussing on Clarke’s apartment’s floor. Well, Bellamy was. Jasper, Monty and Harper were just looking around, pretending to do something. An hour ago, they had received a text from Clarke, telling them that Lexa, Ayden and she would come spending the weekend in the building.

“O” Bellamy said as Octavia was entering the apartment alongside Raven, both freshly showered, “did you buy the grocery list I texted you?”

Octavia raised a brow, because she had not received the list. Or maybe she had; but either way, she was in the secret base and then riding with Raven.

“No...?” Octavia said.

“No? Are you kidding me? Clarke is going to be there soon and I know she must be afraid of coming back here and she’ll hate us if her fridge is empty and...” Bellamy started.

“BELLAMY FUCKING BLAKE” Raven suddenly shouted to make him stop rambling, and startling everyone else, “Clarke is going to be just FINE, ok? I don’t think she expected us to fill her fridge anyway!”

Bellamy sighed as Monty, Harper and Jasper were coming down the stairs to go to their places. Raven dropped herself on Clarke’s couch, completely spent from the secret basement tour and the motorcycle ride. Octavia sat next to her, silently watching her brother doing stuff. Their phones buzzed.

**Clarke: We are leaving Lexa’s, will be there in 10!**

Octavia smiled, watched Raven as they both hurried on their phones to be the first to answer to Clarke.

**Raven: We are waiting for ya!**

**Octavia: Ok, see you in a few!**

“Dammit I lost again!” Octavia whined when she saw Raven’s text sent before hers.

“That’s because I’m the best friend she has” Raven smirked as Octavia was pouting.

The door banged open as John Murphy and Emori entered the loft.

“So I heard princess is coming down here?” Murphy said. Bellamy shot him a death glare as Emori was throwing a _“be nice”_ look at her boyfriend.

“Careful Murphy” Raven threatened him while getting up, “you better play cool this weekend with her or I’ll make sure your flat goes boom”.

John nodded, Octavia rolled her eyes, Bellamy was trying to contain his laugh and Emori was throwing a “ _you better not do that_ ” look as Raven got out and got back to her own flat.

* * *

 

In her living room, Raven was massaging her leg with some ointments a doctor had given her. Useless to say it wasn’t working, as every ointment before it, but Raven had taken the habit to massage her leg; it was actually the only thing which could stop the pain for a few hours. Her phone rang, telling her she had received a text. She frowned, because it was a normal text, not coming from the secret app; and no one in the group was texting one of them without using the app. She unlocked her phone.

**Anya Woods: Hi Raven, I am sorry to bother you at this late hour, but do you think you could come down here tomorrow morning? There are a few other people I want you to meet before starting on Monday.**

If Raven’s heart jumped a little in her chest from receiving a text from Anya, she pretended it didn’t happen. Then, she frowned because she had thought she had already meet the team with which she would be working. But Anya was her boss, so Raven would do as Anya said.

**Raven: Yes, I will be there. What time?**

**Anya: In the morning, whenever you can.**

**Raven: Alright**

Raven bit her lip as a stupid thought was crossing her mind. Anya was Lexa’s sister, and she had already spent time in Arcadia. Would it be weird to invite her to come over for tonight? Surely, Lexa wouldn’t mind, and Clarke probably wouldn’t either. She thought about it more for like, five seconds, before typing on her phone again.

**Raven: Ayden, Clarke and Lexa are in Arcadia for the weekend. Want to come over for the evening? We’re probably having pizza.**

Raven impatiently waited for an answer. When her phone buzzed, she almost dropped it from excitement.

**Anya: Ok, I’ll be there in half an hour.**

* * *

 

“Ok, I think we’re done here” Bellamy announced as Octavia was getting up, clearly happy to stop pretending she was doing something to help her brother settle the flat for Lexa, Ayden and Clarke.

Everyone reunited to the Blake’s place –it was the biggest flat of all of theirs- and waited for their friend to arrive, as Octavia was ordering pizzas on Raven’s order.

* * *

 

Lexa, Clarke and Ayden were in front of the building. Lexa could sense Clarke’s nervousness, so she intertwined their fingers, lightly squeezing Clarke’s hand.

“I’m right here” Lexa whispered, smiling gently at her beautiful girlfriend.

Clarke smiled back and took a deep breath.

“Ok Ayden”, she said to her son, “let’s go, and lead the way!”

Ayden happily ran into the stairs to the Blake’s apartment and banged on the door with his tiny fist.

“O! Rae!” He shouted, “We are here!”

Octavia opened the door, a big smile written all over her face. “Hi there buddy, come hug your favourite aunty!”

Ayden happily jumped into Octavia’s arms as Raven was huffing behind her.

“I am his favourite aunt O” Raven said as she opened her arms for Ayden, “he loves to learn about chemistry and physic and tech with me, isn’t it right Ayden?”

Ayden carefully hugged Raven, eyeing both her and Octavia, not really knowing if he should answer the question. It sounded like a trap, and Ayden didn’t want to say the wrong thing.

Lexa and Clarke laughed at the boy’s reaction as Harper was taking him out of Raven’s arms.

“Don’t listen to them” Harper said, noticing with great joy that Ayden hadn’t protested when she had taken him in her arms, “they are acting like children.” Then, she motioned the TV and Jasper and Monty playing car games on PS4. “Want to play?”

Ayden eagerly nodded, joining the boys on the couch. Everyone greeted Clarke as Lexa was awkwardly standing next to her.

“Guys, this is Lexa” Clarke introduced her for the ones who hadn’t already seen her, “she’s the one who...” Clarke stopped before saying that Lexa had saved from Finn, “... You know”.

They all nodded and shook hands with the girl as Lincoln was making his way into the flat.

“Hi Clarke, hi Lexa” he said with a smile, and then gestured to the girl behind him, “I found Anya in the stairs”.

Everyone frowned, Lexa and Clarke included, because they hadn’t invited Anya over. But instead of frowning, Octavia threw a knowing look to Raven who was trying to hide herself.

“Well come inside” Bellamy offered, shaking the girl’s hand. The majority of them had already seen her when she had been there with Ayden to review the building with Raven, so she wasn’t a total stranger.

Anya sat herself next to Raven. “You didn’t tell them you were inviting me over, did you?” Anya asked, her voice low but not threatening.

“I may have forgotten...” Raven whispered back trying to block the red from burning her cheeks.

Anya shook her head in annoyance, but Raven did saw the half-smile Anya was trying to hide. Raven patted herself on the back.

* * *

 

A few hours later, they were still around the table, talking politics and work stuff. Ayden had grown tired and was sleeping peacefully on the couch. Anya and Raven had sat side by side, and Octavia and Clarke had exchanged knowing looks with small smirks on their faces.

They all had finished eaten, and Lexa had intertwined her fingers with Clarke’s, running her thumb over the Blonde’s hand.

“So, I know this is going to blow the mood up” Bellamy said looking directly at Lexa, “but we have to speak serious stuff for a while”.

Lexa seriously nodded as Clarke and the others were a bit confused. Why Lexa seemed to be the only one knowing what Bellamy was talking about? Bellamy got up, went into his bedroom and got back with files in his arms.

He gave them a piece of paper. “This is what Lexa is offering us” Bellamy said as each one was reading the paper, “our old flats to keep, as if we were borrowing them”.

Everyone is the room let a gasp escape, even Clarke, who had no ideas about it.

“But, that means we don’t pay rents to you?” Nathan asked.

“You just like, lend the flats to us?” Jasper eyed Lexa suspiciously.

Lexa nodded as Bellamy was shushing the others to let her talk.

“As you know, I am Coalition Corp.’s CEO. My company built this building a few weeks ago to give it to one of the small company” Lexa explained, even if she had already explained everything last time she was in Arcadia, “but I thought it was empty, and when I found out it wasn’t, I didn’t want expel everyone from it.”

Lexa stopped talking to make sure everyone understood her words. When she was sure everyone was fallowing her, she started again.

“But I have to give my company a reason why I don’t give the building for Azgeda as planned” Lexa said, “so my plan is simple. First, I re-build the building to make it safe and as good as new, and that includes all of your flats, secondly I build offices in the vacant apartments to some of my employees, and third I build others flats for random people to buy or rent”.

Lexa had finished her explanations, and there was not a sound in the flat. They all took a minute to think about it; even Clarke who, once more, wasn’t aware of anything, and who was becoming a little frustrated with Lexa.

“But to make this building a living place and a work place, you would have to make the neighbourhood safe” Harper protested.

There was no way in hell people would agree to live or work here, with all the violence and the gangs surrounding them, and the others nodded, agreeing with the girl.

“Yes, I am aware” Lexa confirmed, “and I also have a plan for that.” Then, she nodded at Bellamy to continue, and everyone was a little more confused.

“With Lexa’s help, I have been able to create an anti-crime unit trained specially to deal with districts like ours” Bellamy explained, “police officers will accentuate their efforts to take down the local drug dealers and make the surroundings safer, for all of us.”

“That’s stupid” Murphy snorted, “we know a lot more about the local drug dealers as they do”.

Bellamy nodded, which surprised them. “Yes, indeed. That’s why we are going to work with the police.”

They all tensed. They couldn’t work with the police, Bellamy knew this right? They had seen and done too much. They were living half-illegally into a broken building. One of their friends had killed herself. They had almost beaten John Murphy to death. They had all covered the massacre Finn had done. If the police started asking questions, it was only a matter of time before they were all put behind bars.  

“Bellamy, you can’t be serious” Monty asked, “this is way too dangerous!”

“I agree with Monty” Harper said, “Bellamy you know well what will happen if they start...”

“I know” Bellamy said before they could all talk at the same time, “I’m not stupid. The guys on the anti-crime team are good friends of mine. They can be trusted. We just have to tell them what we know, and no further questions will be asked. This is not going to be an interrogatory.”

“I don’t know, Bell” Raven sighed, “this seems too risky to me”.

Bellamy sighed as the rest of them stayed silent. Lexa and he knew it wouldn’t be easy for the others to accept, but truly it was their only shot at having a legal, safe and normal life again. 

“Clarke, what do you think?” Octavia asked as every head was turning towards the Blonde. Clarke felt trapped, because yes she had always been the one –with Bellamy- to make the calls in the past, but right now she didn’t know what to think. She was living with Lexa, sleeping in her bed, and she had no ideas about all of this before tonight. And now, everyone was looking at her, expecting her to take the decision.

“I don’t know guys” Clarke tiredly said, “I mean if we do this there is still a risk they find things we want to keep hidden, but this is also our only hope at having a regular situation, isn’t it?” she directly asked Bellamy and Lexa, feeling a little bit betrayed by learning they had worked together behind her back without telling her.

“Yes” Lexa gently said to Clarke, trying not to look hurt when Clarke let go of her fingers.

“This is the only way for you not to be in trouble anymore” Lexa then said to the group. “I’ve spoken with the captain of the anti-crime unit. As Bellamy said, they will only take what you have to say, and will not ask questions about you or about how you got the infos. This is about arresting the gangs, not searching in your pasts”.

Bellamy sighed again. “I know this is big change, guys, but I do think it can be good for us. Don’t you want our situation to change? Because I’m kinda fed up with not being able to invite colleagues or girls over because we are illegally living here”.

If the others were honest, they had enough of this shit too, but it was something else to really do something to change it.

“I suppose I could agree” Jasper said, and Maya nodded at her boyfriend’s words.

“We could try, I mean” Nathan and Bryan followed. Then, Harper, Murphy, Monty and Emori gave their reserved consents too.

Lincoln was looking at Octavia; he wouldn’t choose differently than her, as Octavia was waiting for Clarke’s decision. Raven was silently communicating with Clarke. Then, Clarke nodded to her, gesturing for her to take the decision she wanted to take.

“It could work for me” Raven said, soon followed by Octavia and Lincoln.

Now, all eyes were on Clarke as they were still waiting for her verbal answer. Not that it should be important though; the big majority of them had already agreed. But it was Clarke, and they would surely not do something if she was against it; that’s why none of them had really said a firm yes.

As they were all eyes on the Blonde, Anya couldn’t stop but think about Indra’s words, earlier in the day. _Descendants from the last Sky people. Clarke Abigail Griffin._ No wonder Clarke had such an impact and influence over her friends. She was _born_ for it, and leadership was running through her veins. She then took a look at Lexa, who was expectantly looking at Clarke. Lexa had never mentioned Clarke’s last name to her; so Anya was pretty sure Lexa didn’t know about it. And, looking at all of them, Anya wasn’t even sure they knew about being Skaikru. It was not possible; otherwise, they would not have found themselves in such positions.

Anya brought her focus back on the discussion when Clarke began to speak.

“Ok” Clarke sighed, “Let’s do this”.

They all cheered a little as Bellamy and Lexa were giving thankful looks to the Blonde. They both knew nothing could be accepted if Clarke didn’t agree with it.

“Ok so next step” Bellamy said, unfolding long piece of paper, “Is deciding which flats we want to keep”.

This threw a silence over them. They didn’t need all the flats they used to used, now. And they knew all too well why.

“Until now we had twelve flats” Bellamy showed them on a building’s plan, “four at each floor. My first suggestion is, we give up on Harper’s, on the fourth floor”.

Harper and Monty looked at each other. It was true Harper hadn’t sleep there for a year now; all of her stuff was in Monty’s.

“We agree on that” Monty confirmed, and Bellamy crossed the flat on the plan.

“So on first floor, there’s mine, Monty’s, Charlotte’s and Jasper’s. Lexa suggested we break the walls from Charlotte’s and cut it in half, so the two couple have a bigger apartment. What do you think?” Bellamy pointed, earning sad looks from all of his friends. 

Of course they were sad to give away Charlotte’s apartment. She had been the “baby” of the group, and even if she had killed one of their friends, they were still very affected by her suicide.

“Yeah you could do that” Clarke nodded, smiling gently at their friends, “you’ll have more room, it will more comfortable for two people”.

They all agreed with Clarke as Bellamy was cutting Charlotte’s apartment in two and drawing new walls.

“Clarke” Bellamy then said, “on second floor there is Wells’ and Zoe’s flat. We thought that, maybe, we could turn the two apartments into one, for Lexa, Ayden and you to live in?”

Bellamy wasn’t Clarke’s best friend for nothing; he knew her well, and was aware she didn’t like her old flat for the memories they were holding.

“That could be a great idea” Raven gently said, “to start new?”

Clarke was a bit lost, but as always, she saw Lexa’s caring look and figured nothing could really hurt.

“OK, let’s do that, yes” Clarke hummed. This could actually be a great idea.

Bellamy smiled as he changed the plans.

“What about... Finn’s flat?” Raven asked, “Do we keep his flat?”. She knew it was a tough subject, but they still needed an answer.

Bellamy sighed. “I’ve talked with the attorney and judge of his case, and I’m afraid.... I’m afraid he won’t come home soon”.

No one said a thing. His trial hadn’t occurred yet, how could Bellamy know his faith already? Plus, this was a really tough question. They hadn’t talked about it yet but everyone wanted to banish him from the group. What he had done to one of them was inacceptable; but the thing was, was banishing him meant taking his living place from him?

“The police searched the house” Bellamy slowly explained, watching Clarke in search of panic attacks, “and they found clear evidence Clarke was beaten. And the pictures... The pictures don’t lie.”

Clarke suddenly rose to her feet, making her chair fall as the Blonde was rushing outside the apartment, banging the door behind her.

Raven and Octavia shot angry looks at Bellamy who sighed. “I’m sorry, but she needs to hear this. Clarke is tough. She’ll be ok”, the boy said.

“Yes, she’ll go through this” Lexa surprisingly spoke. “So to end the discussion, Bellamy would be taking Finn’s old flat, so Octavia and Lincoln could live on their own, and we would convert the four flats on the fourth floor into two, for Murphy, Emori, Nathan and Bryan.” Lexa finished her explanations, as they all looked at her with wide eyes.

“Could this work with you?” Lexa asked again.

They all nodded, a bit lost.

“I’m going to check on Clarke” Lexa said, getting up and going out of the flat. But Bellamy ran after her, catching her by the arm.

“Lincoln my sister and I will keep Ayden with us tonight” Bellamy explained, “So you don’t have to worry about him. Just...” he sighed, “take care of Clarke, ok?”

“Always” Lexa nodded, before flying into the stairs.

* * *

 

Lexa carefully entered Clarke’s flat. She didn’t know in which state she’ll find her girlfriend and was a bit worried.

Clarke was sitting on the couch, knees against her chest and arms rolled around herself, trails of tears covering her face as she was silently crying. Lexa tried hard to keep her own tears at bay; seeing Clarke like this was heartbreaking and she just wanted to break into sobs from seeing the girl she loved so, so sad.

She quickly got rid of her shoes and crawled onto the couch behind Clarke, embracing her in her arms.

Clarke escaped a sob at the minute she felt Lexa touching her, and leaned against her chest, holding to Lexa’s shirt.

“I’m here Clarke” Lexa whispered, her voice threatening to break, “I’ve got you”.

Clarke wasn’t crying silently anymore as Lexa was rocking her back and forth, murmuring gentle words in her ear to calm her down.

“Clarke please calm down” Lexa whispered, “You are so strong Clarke, so though” she kissed Clarke’s cheek, “you’ll get through this” she kissed the other cheek, “ _we_ will go through this, together, I promise, please stop crying...”

After a while, Clarke’s sobs turned into quite sniffles and occasionally tears.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the flats before?” Clarke sniffled, “How long you and Bellamy had been planning this?”

Lexa’s heart shattered, because she already knew Clarke would be upset. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know if it would work, and...”

“It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work, Lexa” Clarke said, sitting down to face her girlfriend, “this is a _relationship,_ we have to tell each other things, especially when it is about the other or her friends!” the Blonde huffed as she got up.

Clarke was so upset about everything, and Lexa hiding things from her was too much.

“I didn’t want to preoccupy you” Lexa calmly explained, “but I should have told you. I am sorry, my love”. Lexa knew well how Clarke was upset and just wished for her sincere apologies to be enough. 

Clarke sighed and hiccupped from too much crying, and came back to sat near Lexa, leaning on her.

“I am sorry Lexa” Clarke whispered, her voice broken from emotion, “I just... I am just so tired”.

Lexa hummed, telling her girlfriend she had nothing to worry about. Lexa gently caressed Clarke’s skin under her shirt, drawing circles on her back, waiting for Clarke to speak again.

“I just feel like the more I move on, the more obstacles stand in front of me” Clarke weakly murmurs.

Lexa leaned over her, and kissed Clarke’s cheek. “Clarke, you are one of the strongest person I’ve ever know. You’ll get through this mess. One step at a time”.

“One step at a time” Clarke repeated as Lexa was nodding to her, giving her a tender smile. It made Clarke smile back, as she leaned to kiss Lexa.

The kiss was gentle, careful as if their lips were made of glass. It was also so strong with love it was the only thing they could think about.

“I love you” Lexa whispered against Clarke’s lips, making the Blonde stop to look at Lexa. Clarke was still searching for that tiny bit of uncertainty, something to prove that Lexa didn’t really think what she was saying. But in Lexa’s eyes, there was only love, care and adoration. Clarke didn’t think twice as she reconnected her lips with Lexa’s, more firmly this time.

Their mouths and tongues were dancing with one another as hands were wondering onto yet unexplored territory. Both were covered in shivers from the other’s touch. Clarke’s belly was full of a weird sensation she had never felt before, and Lexa’s was remembering was it was like to be touched by someone you deeply loved.

As the kiss was becoming more heated, Lexa lightly pushed Clarke’s chest to make her stop. Lexa was ready to take the next step; but she needed to be sure Clarke was ready, too. But blue eyes were full of love and hunger as they grinned at each other. Clarke got off Lexa, holding her hand for the Brunette to take. She helped Lexa get on her feet and led her towards the bedroom.

At the foot of the bed, their lips found each other again as Lexa was letting her hands wonder under Clarke’s shirt.

“Can I take this off?” Lexa murmured, tugging at Clarke’s shirt. Clarke nodded, but Lexa saw the hesitation in her girlfriend’s eyes.

“I’ll go first” Lexa then whispered, taking her shirt off, leaving her in her black bra. Clarke stared at Lexa’s chest for a few seconds, before exploring the new revealed skin with her fingers. Clarke felt Lexa’s whole body shiver under her touch, and it made her smile.

“Don’t be so satisfied with yourself” Lexa chuckled, earning a laugh from Clarke as Lexa was sliding an arm under Clarke’s waist to lift her up. The Blonde put her legs around Lexa’s waist as the Brunette was laying her onto the bed. Lexa then removed her pants as Clarke was looking at her.

The Blonde then lifted up her arms, giving Lexa consent to take her shirt off. Lexa smiled; she knew Clarke wasn’t comfortable with her body, because of what Finn had done to her. So Lexa had every intention to worship the Blonde’s body like it should have been.

Lexa tossed Clarke’s shirt at the wall, as she began to kiss Clarke’s chest, going down to her belly button. Lexa placed both her hands on Clarke’s pants, but did nothing to remove it.

“You are beautiful” Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke’s belly once more, waiting for Clarke’s approval. Then, Clarke nodded, and Lexa slowly tugged Clarke’s pants off of her, leaving light kisses on the girl’s legs as she was discovering more and more skin. Clarke moaned as Lexa was kissing the Blonde’s inner thigh.

“Lexa...” Clarke whimpered as she felt Lexa smile against her skin.

Lexa made her way back to Clarke’s chest, still kissing every spot she could, sometimes sucking a little but not enough to leave a mark. Clarke was still bruised from Finn and she didn’t want the Blonde’s beautiful body bruised because of her.

“I am going to take my bra off now, okay?” Lexa whispered, not doing anything before Clarke nodded.

She unclasped her black bra, leaving her breasts for Clarke to stare. Lexa lightly smiled at the reaction Clarke was having.

“I am yours. You can touch” Lexa murmured, and then moaned when Clarke began to caress her breasts’ skin with gentle fingers.

Clarke straightened up, sitting down. Lexa was sitting on Clarke’s thighs, chests pressed together, as Clarke was devouring the Brunette’s mouth, tracing Lexa’s back’s muscles. Lexa was leaving kisses all along Clarke’s neck, feeling the girl shiver under her. Then, Clarke took both Lexa’s hands in hers, putting them on her side, over her bra. Lexa shot her an inquisitive look. She had understood what Clarke wanted her to do, but she wanted to be sure.

She saw Clarke smile shyly, and Lexa smiled back, pecking Clarke’s lips once more before moving her hands on the girl’s back. Slowly, Lexa unclasped the blue bra Clarke was wearing, threw it somewhere on the room and trailed kisses all over Clarke’s chest.

“You’re beautiful” Lexa whispered, trying to make Clarke feel at ease, “you’re _so_ perfect”.

Lexa knew Clarke had a lot of insecurities, again because of Finn, and she wanted to erase all of them, one by one.

Lexa then attached her lips to one of Clarke’s nipple, earning a moan from the Blonde who was feeling wetness gathering between her thighs.

Without separating from Clarke’s breasts –Lexa decided it was the most beautiful pair of breasts she had ever seen-, the Brunette wandered a hand on Clarke’s belly, slowly trailing her fingers down to Clarke’s panties.

Clarke involuntarily bucked her hips forward with a whimper, making Lexa smile as she was tugging at the fabric. Lexa looked up for a few seconds, making sure Clarke was ok with what was going to happen. Again, as she only saw love and hunger in blue eyes, she took Clarke’s panties off, not forgetting to put kisses on every new spot of skin she had access to. Like the rest of Clarke’s clothes, she tossed it in the room, not caring about where. Then, she got back up to kiss Clarke’s chest, slowly running her fingers into wet folds.

Clarke’s hips bucked once more as a bigger moan was escaping the Blonde’s lips, completely overwhelmed with Lexa’s treatment and surprised about how much her body was reacting to the Brunette.

Then, Lexa carefully put a finger into Clarke’s pussy, pumping in and out slowly so Clarke had time to get used to the new feeling.

“Lexa” Clarke whimpered, “I need... I need more”.

Lexa re-attached her lips to Clarke’s as she was adding another finger, going a little bit faster; she could already feel Clarke’s walls flutter around her fingers and she knew the girl was close.

“You are so beautiful” Lexa whispered, adding a third finger and making Clarke moan like hell, “I just love you so much...”

Clarke was truly overwhelmed; her entire body was so hot under Lexa’s touch she was feeling she could burst into flames in an instant. And Lexa’s fingers, _damn those long and curvy fingers,_ were doing wonderful things to her.

“Lexa, I’m... I’m _so_ close...” Clarke panted.

She felt Lexa curve her fingers upwards, and it was it for Clarke.

“Let go, love” Lexa murmured into Clarke’s ear as she was leaving a trail of kisses on the Blonde’s neck, “I’ve got you”.

Clarke exploded in the most wonderful orgasm she had ever had; her whole body went rigid, and then she began to shake lightly in Lexa’s arms who was holding her and still moving her fingers into Clarke to help her come down from her high.

“I’ve got you” Lexa repeated.  

A tear fell down on Clarke’s cheek, and Lexa was quick to kiss it away. The Brunette withdrew her fingers, and Clarke put both her arms around Lexa keeping her close, getting on top of her and fighting to keep her eyes open.

“Go to sleep, love” Lexa whispered, soothing Clarke by drawing circles on the Blonde’s naked body.

“What about you?” Clarke murmured, half-asleep.

“We have all the time in the world” Lexa smiled, kissing Clarke’s temple, knowing her girlfriend was already asleep.

 

_The sun just looks the same to everyone_   
_It shines down on the story that we've just begun_   
_but the ending is not the same for everyone_   
_that's not for them to choose_

_Well I'm sitting here wondering_   
_where will I go now_   
_trying to figure everything out_   
_the puzzles of this town_   
_footnotes in the story of my life_   
_help me get my happy ending,_   
_help me get my happy ending right..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO IT HAPPENED. I'm sorry I don't think their first time together is well written, but I didn't want you guys to wait much longer... But anyways, give me your thoughts on it!


	42. True Faces and Revealed Truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm back! I have one more exam tomorrow, and then I'm exam-free for a month! So I'll have time to update a bit more, I hope!  
> Anyways, thank you for reviewing and keeping up with me! This chapter is a long one too, so I hope you'll enjoy! :)

_Song : Charlie Boy By The Lumineers_

Lexa slowly awoke; feeling like someone was watching her. Indeed, Clarke had her head on Lexa’s naked chest, feet entangled with hers and the sheets, and was looking up at her with staring blue eyes.

“What?” Lexa whispered, her voice raspy from sleep.

“I love you” Clarke answered, not tiring her eyes off the Brunette. Lexa felt herself blushing; she had heard Clarke telling her she loved her before, of course, but like this, out of nowhere? It was something else.

“Oh you’re blushing” Clarke smiled as Lexa was putting both her arms around Clarke’s body, hiding her face in blonde hair.

“Don’t make fun of me” Lexa pouted, half-smiling. Clarke chuckled, lightly kissing her bare shoulders. Lexa shivered, of course, and it made Clarke smile even more.

Clarke was aware of the one-way sex they had had the previous night; and was kind of worried Lexa wasn’t too pleased with it. Lexa obviously sensed that Clarke was thinking too much.

“What’s on your mind?” Lexa asked, running her fingers on Clarke’s back.

Clarke mumbled something; too low for Lexa to understand.

“What was that?” Lexa chuckled.

“Are you disappointed, with, hum... Last night?” Clarke shyly asked, making Lexa raise her brows.

“What? What would I be disappointed?” She didn’t understand; they had made love for the first time, Clarke hadn’t shielded herself from her touch, had let Lexa touch her and kiss her all over her body. What was Clarke talking about?

Clarke sighed, hiding her face in Lexa’s chest.

“Clarke, what is it?” Lexa asked again, beginning to get worried by her girlfriend’s behaviour, “Talk to me, please”.

“I just... I know you didn’t finish, yesterday night” Clarke began to ramble, “so I know you’re probably kind of pissed off because I fell asleep and...”

“Clarke, will you stop?” Lexa chuckled, kissing Clarke’s forehead and surprising the Blonde, “I am not disappointed in anything. It was perfect, and I couldn’t ask for more.”

“You’re sure?” Clarke shyly whispered.

“Yes, I am sure” Lexa confirmed in her serious voice, “I love you, and it was perfect. You’re perfect” Lexa added in a murmur, as if it was her most guarded secret.  

“I love you too” Clarke happily sighed, putting a kiss on Lexa’s shoulder bone.

Lexa smiled. She was happy. Genuinely happy, like she hasn’t been for almost a year now. And she wasn’t feeling guilty, not anymore; she was happy to be happy. She had understood Costia would want that for her. She had been a real someone, Costia, always caring about others before herself. A bit like Clarke, actually. Costia would be happy for Lexa; she would even be proud, too. And Lexa’s smile widened even more when thinking about her past lover. She would never forget Costia; but her life and heart now belonged to the beautiful and amazing Blonde she had in her arms.

“Lexa” Clarke asked, breaking Lexa’s trail of thoughts.

“Yes?”

“I don’t know if I want to live here” Clarke confessed, making Lexa raise her brows.

“You don’t?” Lexa was a bit confused; she thought Clarke wanted to be near her friends, and the only thing stopping her was Lexa not in Arcadia with her. But now that they would have an apartment big enough for three to live in, wasn’t the problem solved?

“No, I don’t really” Clarke whispered, “I...” She stopped. Clarke was afraid Lexa would jump on the occasion for Ayden and her to leave her loft and come back live in Arcadia so she wouldn’t be bothered by them anymore.

But clever Lexa understood the problem, and spoke before Clarke could voice her insecurities. “Clarke, listen to me” she said, taking the Blonde’s face in her hands, “I only suggested having a new place here because I thought you wanted to be close to your friends, and that you didn’t like your old flat” Lexa explained, “but if you rather prefer we live at my apartment, I’m ok with it too!”

Clarke stared at Lexa, not very sure she had heard well. Lexa had said _we;_ meaning she hadn’t had the intention to get rid of them. Still, she needed to be sure.

“So it’s not to get rid of us...?” Clarke asked, her voice shivering.

Lexa quickly removed herself from under Clarke to look the girl in the eyes. Why would Clarke think she wanted to get rid of Ayden and she?

“Clarke, I love you!” Lexa protested, “I don’t ever want to get rid of you! I...” Lexa trailed off in a sigh, choosing her words in her head.

“Clarke. I meant what I said yesterday” Lexa said, looking at her girlfriend with loving eyes, “I want and will follow you everywhere you want to go. I want to be by your side, whatever we are going through, wherever you want to live. We can stay at my place, if that’s what you wish, ok?”

“I love you” Clarke said, tears rolling down her cheeks and her voice broken with emotions.

“I love you too. Now, no more tears you’re going to soak my shirt” Lexa chuckled, making Clarke laugh in the process.  

* * *

 

Downstairs, Octavia was just awakening with a weird feeling. An arm was on her waist, but it was too light to be Lincoln’s. She opened her eyes and smiled why she to noticed Ayden, lying next to her, his hand gripped on Octavia’s shirt.

Octavia lightly stroked his hair, cherishing this moment. It was not like Ayden was a stranger to them, but the boy wasn’t that close to them either. It was part of Clarke’s fault, obviously, but not entirely; Ayden, even if he was still very young, had always feared adults who weren’t his mother.

Of course it had broke the delinquents’ hearts, to see that Clarke didn’t trust them enough to let Ayden near them as a baby; but what had been even more heart-breaking had been every time Ayden would withdraw from their touch, or every time he would lower his eyes in fear because they were only looking at him.

Of course they understand the reasons why now; Clarke was afraid of what Finn would do to Ayden or herself, and she had extended her fear to each one of them. Finn had been violent, and Ayden feared him too; leading the little boy to fear everyone except Clarke. Octavia knew it was all making sense now, with everything they had learned about Clarke’s situation, and was so glad the boy was able to sleep with her, next to Lincoln, without fearing something bad to happen to him. It was a big step ahead; and Octavia had the feeling it had a lot to do with Lexa and the new life Clarke seemed to have. With the new self Clarke seemed to be, even.

Like the others, Octavia had been a bit wary of Lexa first; it was allowable really, since Lexa appeared to be the most powerful woman on Earth, and they first feared Lexa was using Clarke to achieve some goals. But after seeing the two women interact, and seeing the way Ayden was already attached to Lexa, this couldn’t be wrong. But Octavia wasn’t naïve; if she had accepted it, she knew it probably wasn’t the case for everyone.

She carefully removed herself from Ayden’s embrace and got up. Lincoln wasn’t in bed anymore, so Octavia figured he must have already left for work. She made her way into the kitchen, took a bowl and filled it with cereals. On the kitchen’s counter, there was a hand-written note, left by Lincoln.

_Love,_

_I went to work early and took Raven to the basement for a meeting she needed to attend. We will be back for lunch; they all insist we have a meal with everyone. I’ll bring back groceries._

_See you in a few hours, Hodnes_

_Lincoln_

Octavia smiled at her boyfriend’s words. Lincoln could seem intimidating at first sight, but with her he really was a teddy bear.

She brought her bowl into the living-room where Bellamy was looking at some files. He had the whole weekend off as he had made too many hours the last month, and he was so focused on whatever he was doing that he didn’t noticed his sister coming towards him and jumped when he felt her sitting down next to him.

“What are you doing?” The girl asked her brother.

“Finishing the building’s plans for Lexa to have a base to work on” Bellamy answered.

“That’s not really your job” Octavia frowned, “why are you the one doing it? You’re no architect”

“I know that” Bellamy huffed, “but I just need to be sure everyone will have enough space and all”.

Octavia hummed, eating her cereals.

A few minutes later, Clarke and Lexa were entering the loft.

“Hi there” Octavia said, and smirked when she noticed the look on Clarke’s face. She had that weird expression she always had when something happened and she wants to hide it.

 _Oh my god, she totally got laid last night,_ the thought hit Octavia’s brain as her smile was widening. Clarke began to blush, well knowing Octavia had understood, as Lexa was looking between the two of them confused. Bellamy finally coughed.

“Hi Clarke, hello Lexa” he greeted them. He was going to say something else but was interrupted by a tiny man running full speed towards Lexa and Clarke.

“Mommy! Yexa! You’re back!” he happily shouted, hugging their legs and making them laugh at his enthusiasm.

“Hey there honey” Clarke said, “Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah!” he said, “I slept between uncle Lincoln and O! They protected me! Did you see how big their muscles are?”

It made the adults laugh again, and warmed Clarke’s heart. Finally, her son was opening up to adults, as she was opening up too.

“Do you want to go out for breakfast Ayden?” Clarke asked, and chuckled at the big smile on her son’s face, “ok so go get dressed, quick!”

Ayden furiously nodded and ran into the O’s bedroom to put some clothes on.

“I’m happy things are working between the two of you” Bellamy said with a big smile.

Octavia saw Clarke nod and Lexa slide an arm around Clarke’s waist. She frowned, because her brother’s behaviour was a bit weird.

“So, when do you need help to bring all of your stuff here in the new flat?” He then asked.

“Bellamy” Clarke started, “I’m not sure we are going to...” She was cut off by him.

“It’s ok I get it if you haven’t thought about a date yet, you’ll tell me!” he said and left the room before Clarke could protest.

Octavia sighed, because her brother had something in mind, she was sure of that. And knowing him... It couldn’t be good.

“Octavia, I...” Clarke tried to speak.

“It’s ok Clarke” Octavia gently answered with a smile, “We get it if you can’t live in Arcadia. We just care if you feel happy and safe. We know that doesn’t mean you’re forgetting about us and we’re losing you. Time to do what _you_ want, Clarkey” she ended her sentence with a wink as Ayden was coming towards them, all dressed up.

“Thank you, O” Clarke said, moving to hug her friend. It surprised Octavia first, but she was quick to hug the Blonde back.

Then, Lexa, Clarke and Ayden left the loft to go find a place to have a proper breakfast. 

* * *

 

Bellamy came back into the living-room and sat on the couch, turning the TV off. Octavia sat next to him as she eying her brother. Bellamy noticed it, of course.

“What, O?” he said, a bit annoyed at being stared at.

“What are you doing?” Octavia coldly asked.

“What?” Bellamy frowned.

“With Clarke. Why are you suddenly rooting for Clarke and Lexa to be together?” Octavia asked again, because it was so weird. Not a month earlier, Bellamy had been opposed to Lexa being in Clarke’s life, and now he was practically forcing them to move together here in Arcadia.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” Bellamy shrugged, trying to pretend as if he didn’t really know.

“Bellamy, Clarke doesn’t want to come back live here. She wants to stay at Lexa’s, with Lexa” Octavia said.

“No” Bellamy raised his brows, surprised by her sister’s words, “Yesterday she said she agreed with...”

“She only agreed because she couldn’t say no when everyone was looking at her Bell!” Octavia began to raise her voice, “didn’t you see the look on her face? She wasn’t even aware of Lexa and you talking about living arrangements for us!”

“But...” Bellamy tried to protest, only to be cut off by his pissed sister.

“There’s not but, Bellamy” Octavia hissed, “Clarke is doing better but she’s still hurt. And you’re not helping!”

“I just thought that...” Bellamy trailed off as if he was going to say something he would regret.

Octavia noticed, and it angered her even more. “You thought what? That if she came back here, she would see she wants her old life back?”

At the ashamed face Bellamy was wearing right now, Octavia could only deduce she was right. “What is wrong with you?!” She pushed him in the shoulder.

“I just thought that pushing Clarke with Lexa would make her realise they are moving too fast, ok?!” Bellamy shouted, “Realise that her _real_ family is here, in Arcadia with us, not with that girl!” he ended his sentence, only to cover his mouth in horror at the second the words were out.

Octavia’s eyes widened at her brother’s words.

“Don’t tell Clarke...” Bellamy whined, clearly knowing there was no going back from what he had just said.

Octavia had a cold look, and it was only making Bellamy feel worse.

“Listen to me Bellamy” Octavia said through gritted teeth, “Lexa has done a lot more for Clarke in a single month than us in the lifetime we’ve known her. Clarke always, _always,_ took care of us, it’s about damn time she has someone to take care of her for a change. Her relationship with Lexa, this is Clarke’s business, not ours, do you hear me? She’s old and wise enough to make her own decisions”.

Octavia took her coat and opened the door to leave.

“If you care for her” she added turning back to face him, “you would let her be with Lexa without trying to change her mind. And if you’re _stupid_ enough to put yourself between the two of them, then...” Octavia trailed off.

Bellamy looked up at his sister; he knew there would be no coming back from her next words, either.

“... Then you’re no brother of mine” Octavia spit, banging the door behind her, leaving a very confused and ashamed Bellamy alone in the flat.

* * *

 

Anya was leading Raven into corridors Raven had no idea they existed. I mean, she thought she had already visited the whole lair yesterday; it seemed like she hadn’t, after all.

“Again I’m sorry for making you come down here when you only start on Monday” Anya apologized for what was like the tenth time in half an hour, “I really need to make you look at something”.

Raven nodded, but something hit her attention. Yesterday, Anya had said she wanted Raven to meet new people. And now, she wanted to show her something? That was weird. Like, creepy weird. Because Anya was part of a secret organisation, and who knew what those people could do or have in mind?

“This is it” Anya said, opening a door and holding it open for Raven.

They entered into a big room. Actually it wasn’t that big but the lack of real furniture was making it look big. Big screens –Raven had never seen screens that big- were hanging on every wall. People were fussing around, taping things on keyboards and moving their hands in the air, making holograms move and stuff.

“This is high tech you have here” Raven said, clearly impressed. She had seen stuff like this before of course, but never that much at the same place.

Anya hummed and led Raven to one of the post. Actually it was more like a desk with two keyboards in front of six different screens side by side. Anya pulled the chair for Raven to sit on. Raven did, but frowned when she noticed the serious look on Anya’s face. Something was wrong; at least, something was preoccupying the girl.

“What is it, Anya?” Raven asked, leaving her joking self aside for once.

Anya sighed. “I need you to look into some special files.”

“Ok..?” Raven said, not really understanding what big deal it was.

“Those files had been classified for years” Anya added, “and they contain vital information”.

“Ok” Raven said again, “But why me? I mean, you have a bunch of technicians, they could do it, it’s not like it’s...”

“Raven” Anya interrupted her, “this is serious. Those files... Those files are about you.”

Raven’s eyes shot open. “Me?”

“Yes. I mean, all of _you_ ” Anya clarified.

“Oh. You mean the whole crew”.

“Yes” Anya nodded.

“What is it?” Raven asked, turning the computer –if you could call that a computer- on.

As Anya wasn’t answering, Raven stopped looking at the screen to look at the taller girl.

“Anya. You’re making me work on something classified, which seems to concern me and every each of my friends. You’ve got to tell me what this is about”.

Anya sighed, a pulled a chair to herself. “Raven this is top secret. You can’t talk about it with anyone, _anyone”_

“But, what about...” Raven started to protest, but Anya didn’t give her time to do so.

“No telling your friends, nothing about what I’m going to tell you or about what we will find out is to go out of this place, is that clear?” Anya said in her most serious voice.

“But...”

“No telling Clarke, either” Anya shook her head, reading Raven’s mind.

“I can’t do that” Raven protested, “I can’t hide something from them, from her, if...”

“Raven please. You have to promise. We will tell them. Just, not now” Anya sighed.

Raven finally nodded, very confused and intrigued about all this. What data was worth keeping secrets from all of her friends?

“Thank you” Anya said. “Did you hear about the Sky people?”

Raven shook her head no.

“About Skaikru?” Anya tried again.

Raven shook her head no again, but remembered something. “Well, I think there’s like a part of the city named Skaikru, and there’s a Skaikru coffee too. That’s all I know.”

“You do know about the twelve companies Lexa leads, yes?” Anya then asked.

“Yes I do. Together, they make Coalition Corp. You’re the head of one of them” Raven answered.

“Indeed. I am the head of Trikru Company” Anya said, hoping it would ring a bell for Raven.

“Yes I know that” Raven chuckled, “that’s the company I work in, same for Octavia... Wait” Raven suddenly said. “Trikru. Skaikru. They sound the same”.

Anya nodded.

“I know the names of the twelve companies of Coalition Corp. Trikru. Sankru. Floukru” Raven thought at loud, “but there’s not Skaikru Company. Is Skaikru a Company I’ve never heard of? Like, one not part of Coalition Corp?”

“They were part of the Coalition, years ago” Anya sighed. “They were the thirteenth company Lexa was supposed to have”.

“What happened?” Raven frowned.

“The company was destroyed”.

“Destroyed? How can you destroy a company?” Raven raised her brows, not really knowing what Anya was trying to tell her.

“Skaikru’s leaders were assassinated or disappeared, one way or another. Every person working for Skaikru died. We think some of them tried to escape and succeeded. The company died, like this” Anya snapped her fingers. “Every child born Skaikru died from a weird disease. Well, not all of them”.

Raven was very confused. “Anya, I don’t understand. If Skaikru was a _company,_ how could children be born Skaikru? It doesn’t make sense!”

“Yes it does” Anya explained. “Fifty years ago, the thirteen companies were ruling the continent, each one in specific places, as if they were tribes or separated countries. You belonged to a clan, to the company leading the town you were born in. Polis City was the only city with people from every company, because of it being the capital. Polis was, and is still, divided in districts with the companies’ names. But today not a lot of people know about it”.  

“But what does it have to do with us?” Raven was getting upset.

“Crack the files open, please” Anya gestured on the screen. Raven mumbled something the other girl didn’t understand but did as she was told. It took a few minutes of Raven typing furiously on the keyboard, but she managed to open the files.

A sort of list appeared on the screen and Anya was up in a second. “I knew it” She whispered, confusing Raven even more. 

“What? What is it?” Raven asked, not seeing anything except random names scrolling.

Anya didn’t answer and took the keyboard from Raven’s hands and typed on it. “There” she said, pointing at the screen.

Raven’s eyes widened. “That’s my name. Raven Reyes. That’s me!” Raven said, not believing it, “Why is my name on this fucking weird list?” And as she was seeing that Anya wasn’t about to explain things to her, she insisted. “Anya, you have to tell me now”.

Anya still didn’t say anything and typed something again. It was Monty’s name. Then, Anya showed her the names of all her friends from high school. Bellamy. Octavia. Monty, Jasper, Harper. Murphy. But then, she noticed something on the list. Names were written in three different colours; red, blue and yellow.

“What is the meaning of this...?” Raven whispered, staring at the screen. Because really, there was nothing else she could do.

“This is a list of every Skaikru ever identified” Anya carefully began.

“Ok, so... Wait, what?” Raven said, not sure she had heard well, “Every Skaikru? But that would mean... No, that’s impossible. We’re not Skaikru. We are not part of anything!” Raven protested.

“Come on Raven, think” Anya asked, “Deep inside you, you know it makes sense. A lot of you have dead parents or parents you don’t know about”.

“That doesn’t mean anything” Raven huffed.

“Yes it does” Anya insisted, “didn’t any of you ever wonder why your lives had been so hard, so weird? Every one of you had had a terrible childhood, and yet you found yourselves all together at the same school? All with crappy, drunk, dead or missing parents? Doesn’t it ring a bell to you Raven?”

“I... I don’t know anymore...” Raven sadly sighed. Everything was messing with her head. It was true none of them had had a happy childhood. Maybe Clarke, thanks to her dad, but still. It was true they had all found each other in high school and became friends because their lives were the same creepy ones. But the high school they went to was kind of known for teaching to kids with problems, so it didn’t mean anything. Right?

“Look” Anya said, “I’m not trying to confuse you. But listen to me. You, all of the original group, are the descendants of the last Skaikru members. And look” Anya pointed again at the screen.

“Three colours. I believe each one has a signification; but I don’t know which yet.” Anya explained.

Raven frowned, and scrolled through the screen, reading the names and looking at the colour they had.

“Red is for dead people” Raven said after a while. Anya raised a brow.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I am” Raven confirmed, showing a name to Anya, “This one, Charlotte, killed herself in Arcadia. We all saw her dead body at the foot of the building.”

“I am sorry” Anya murmured. Raven nodded as a thank you.

“Wells Jaha. Clarke’s best friend. Died by a stray bullet. Zoe Monroe, died in a secret operation with Octavia”.

“I remember this one” Anya hummed. It had been a hard time for the team; losing one of their fellows.

“This is my mother’s name. And this is my father” Raven continued, “I knew my father had died, but I wasn’t aware my mother had joined him, too”.

“I am sorry Raven” Anya repeated, only to be shushed by Raven.

“Don’t be. She never was a mother to me”.

“This one, Aurora Blake, is Bellamy’s and Octavia’s mother” Raven continued, “All those names are real dead people, Anya. A red name means a dead person.”

“Ok. So there’re two more colours to figure out. What do you think they mean?” Anya asked.

“I don’t know” Raven sighed, “but it seems like all of our names are in yellow” and then frowned, “except Abby. Abby is written in blue. That’s weird”.

“Who’s... Abby Griffin?” Anya read the screen and then her eyes widened, “Wait, Griffin, as in....?” Anya asked.

“As in Clarke Griffin, yes. Her mother” Raven shrugged.

Anya hummed. She didn’t think one of the kids still had living relatives, but she was glad learning it was not the case. “Abby Griffin, Thelonius Jaha and Marcus Kane were the last leaders of Skaikru” Anya said.

It was Raven’s eyes’ turn to widen. That couldn’t be possible.

“Impossible. Jaha was a cop” Raven protested, “Abby is a doctor and Kane is one of Clarke’s neighbour! They didn’t lead a company or anything!”

“This is the truth, Raven” Anya said, typing on the keyboard to open another file, showing the board of Skaikru Company.

Raven stared at the screen, completely thoughtless. She couldn’t believe none of them was aware of all this mess. Maybe their lives had been living hells for a reason, after all.

“Ok so. Who’s in yellow, except you and your friends?” Anya asked, “Do you recognise some names?”

“No I don’t, Anya!” Raven huffed, “I just learned we were part of some company or something, how do you want me to recognise names? I was alone all my life, we don’t know anyone except our parents names!”

“I’m sorry Raven” Anya said, “I am not trying to piss you off”.

“Yes, I know, it’s ok” Raven sighed, “it’s just a lot to take in at the same time”.

Anya nodded.

“What does it implies?” Raven asked after a few silent minutes at looking at the screen.

“What does what implies?”

“Us being the last Skaikru members” Raven clarified.

Anya leaned on her chair with a sigh. She knew she probably shouldn’t tell Raven about it – she had even convinced Indra not to tell them – but Raven was smart; she would probably figure it out on her own anyway.

“Have you ever heard of Azgeda Company?” Anya asked.

“They’re making frozen food products, right?”

“Yes” Anya nodded, “They are the Company the less loyal to Lexa and Coalition Corp”.

“Why?”

“Nia White, the head of Azgeda, wants to take Lexa’s place. At least, she wants to rule Coalition Corp. She’s a real bitch” Anya said through gritted teeth.

Raven raised her brows, because she had never heard Anya swear before.

“We think they are behind the destruction of Skaikru” Anya added, careful with her words.

“Azgeda brought down Skaikru? What does that even mean?” Raven asked a bit annoyed with not understanding what Anya was trying to tell her.

“Ok I’m going to make it simple” Anya sighed. “We think Azgeda is behind the murders and disappearances of Skaikru people. This list,” Anya pointed the screen, “Was found in Azgeda archives a few years ago”.

“It’s like they listed every Skaikru and took them down one by one” Raven pensively said.

“That’s what we think too” Anya nodded. “And since there wasn’t anyone left to claim the company, it died. Well, Skaikru Company is still up, but without anyone to lead it.”

“I get that. What does it have to do with us though?” Raven asked.

“If we look at the list, there’s not a lot of Skaikru still alive” Anya started, “But some of you survived”

“That’s obvious” Raven snorted, raising her brow at Anya because she knew the girl was hiding something.

Anya took a deep breath. “Raven. You and your friends are the last Skaikru alive, when everyone thought they all died.” Anya watched the Brunette’s face as understanding was imprinting itself on her face.

“We could claim Skaikru Company back” Raven whispered. Anya nodded.

But then, Raven frowned when she thought about something. “Anya. Is Lexa aware of this?”

“She’s aware the Skaikru people died, yes” Anya said, not really understanding Raven’s question.

“The little bitch” Raven hissed, “of course she would have found Clarke Griffin, daughter of the last leader of Skaikru, to use her to bring the company back in Coalition Corp” Raven angrily said, “Of course such an important character as Lexa would only care for money and power and...”

“STOP, Raven!” Anya shouted to make the girl stop speaking. She waited as Raven was looking at her with surprised eyes. “Lexa knows about Skaikru’s faith, that’s true, but she doesn’t even know Clarke’s last name!”

Raven’s mouth shaped in an “o” form, realising the presumptions she had made on Anya’s little cousin.

“Lexa doesn’t know you’re all Skaikru. Only Indra and I know. And even if she had known, she would have never, _never,_ used a woman like this.”

“I’m sorry Anya” Raven apologised, “It’s just so complicated....”’

Anya nodded as silence was settling between the two women.

“So, what’s next?” Raven asked after a while.

“Next,” Anya said, “We have to find anything we can on Skaikru”.

Raven nodded as they both began to type on keyboards, eyes locked on the screens.

 


	43. Hot Enough To Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! So I'm back, and it's April holidays next week so I'll try to update more! Sorry for the wait because of my exams and stuff, but good news, I passed! 
> 
> This chapter is a kind of sweet one, with more hints about Skaikru and stuff (I know a lot of you have questions) so enjoy! Oh, and come talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to discuss the fic or anything else! ;)

** Chapter 42 : Hot Enough To Last **

_Song : I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Bootstraps_

The weekend passed by in the blur for everyone. Lexa, Clarke and Ayden spent as much time together as they could, and ate every meal with the others delinquents. Clarke had to be honest, she had really missed being close to her friends. Her _family._ She would not admit it, but she was beginning to think she had been wrong to leave without telling anyone. As she was watching her friends interact with Ayden, she was figuring out they could have helped them. Clarke was slowly figuring she should have talked to her friends about Finn, instead of running away. But hey, if she had, she wouldn’t have met Lexa. And as Clarke was watching Ayden and Lexa tickling each other, she knew meeting the Brunette was the best thing that ever happened to her - after giving birth to Ayden. Once again, something really good had come out from something bad. And Clarke was beginning to think that maybe life wasn’t black or white. Maybe there was a grey in between.

It was Sunday, and the sun was beginning to fade in the sky.

“Hey Clarkey, come here!” Octavia shouted at her friend, waving at her to come meet her in the kitchen.

Clarke threw a smile at Lexa and her son –which smile warmed Lexa’s heart so much the girl couldn’t help her own smile to reach her ears – before joining Octavia in the kitchen. Raven was there too, and Clarke raised a brow at her friends.

“What’s going on with you two?” Clarke suspiciously said, eying her friends.

Octavia and Raven looked at each other before Raven took a deep breath. “Are you happy?” Raven asked, “With Lexa?”

Clarke was a bit taken aback by the question, but smiled at the thought of Lexa. “I think I am, yes” she answered. “I can’t really explain it, and I know it must seem sudden, but I just... I just love her” Clarke said truthfully.

“You love her?” Octavia raised her brows in surprise, “Love like...”

“Yes. Love like I _love_ her” Clarke said.

The girls hummed. I mean, they had obviously seen the couple making heart-eyes to each other, exchanging kissing and hugs and obviously they knew they were in love, but it was another thing to hear Clarke say it. Clarke had never expressed her feelings like this. It took Finn _years_ to hear the first “I love you” from Clarke. So the girls were just a bit surprised.

“Are you disapproving?” Clarke then asked, a bit of sadness in her voice.

“Of course not Clarke” Raven quickly reassured her, “we just want to know that you’re ok. That you’re not pretending to be”.

“I am not _ok_ ” Clarke sighed, “But I am as good as I could be. Thanks to her”.

“That’s all we’re asking” Octavia smiled to her friend, opening her arms to hug Clarke.

Clarke laughed and embraced Octavia as she was trying to pull Raven in the hug too.

“Come on Rae, you too!” Octavia chuckled at the disgusted face Raven was making. Raven finally joined the hug. They parted after a while, light smiles still printed on their faces.

“Clarke” Raven began, and they all felt the serious tone, “You were there for us for so long, and you’ve done a wonderful job. But Clarke, we are here for you too” Raven continued, “let us be there for you. Don’t shut us down. Please?”

A tear felt down Clarke’s cheek, touched by her friend’s words. Raven was never the one to get sentimental, usually. So Clarke knew it was a big deal for her.

“I won’t. I promise” Clarke whispered, her voice a bit broken with emotion.

The three of them hugged once more before letting go. Clarke went back to the living-room while Octavia and Raven stayed in the kitchen, watching their blonde friend lightly kissing Lexa’s cheek and tickling her son.

“She sacrificed so much for us, O” Raven murmured, “and yet, look at her. She’s still here. Standing on her feet. How does she do that?”

Octavia put a hand in Raven’s back for support. She knew Raven never talked about feelings, but Clarke was something else for her. She was something else for each one of them.

“I think she didn’t have the choice. We let her took responsibilities for everything” Octavia said, “We counted on her. It’s Clarke. She wouldn’t have allowed herself to let us down. She had no choice. She’s standing for us. She bares it so we don’t have to”.

“So how does she not hate us..?” Raven asked again, her eyes beginning to water.

“Because she loves us, Rae” Octavia said, kissing her cheek, “Because we are family. And because she knows we love her, too. Don’t torment yourself. Clarke is strong. And she has Lexa to lean on too, now. She’ll be just fine”.

Raven hummed, not taking her eyes of their friend. Clarke really was special, and as they were watching Clarke play with Lexa and Ayden, they tried to imagine their lives if Clarke hadn’t be there. Turns out they wouldn’t have a life at all.

 _Clock strikes upon the hour_  
_And the sun begins to fade_  
 _Still enough time to figure out_  
 _How to chase my blues away_  
 _I've done alright up 'til now_  
 _It's the light of day that shows me how_  
 _And when the night falls_  
 _Loneliness calls_

* * *

 Sunday night and Lexa, Clarke and Ayden were just coming inside the loft. Lexa was carrying a sleeping Ayden in her arms, his tiny nose snuggled into her neck and his arms strongly circling her shoulders. Clarke couldn’t help a smile every time she looked at them; they seemed so in sync, both of them, that no one would have trouble think Lexa was his other parent. And Clarke knew Lexa had been more of a parent to Ayden in a month than Finn in five years. Clarke knew she would have to have the “talk” with Lexa about him. Of course, Lexa had already said she understood that dating Clarke came with the whole package, Ayden included; but still, Clarke needed to be sure.

Lexa put Ayden in the guestroom’s bed and slid under the covers next to Clarke, reaching for the Blonde’s hand.

“What’s in your mind, Clarke?” Lexa gently asked, kissing Clarke’s palm. Clarke smiled at the tender gesture.

“I need to ask you something” Clarke murmured, not looking at Lexa. Lexa hummed, encouraging Clarke to go on.

“I know you said you wanted me, and Ayden, in your life” Clarke stared in a whisper as if she was afraid of saying things at loud, “But are you ok with... You know. Being like his other parent and stuff?”

First, Lexa said nothing; because she was shocked. She didn’t want anything more, she knew that already; she wanted to take care of Ayden as if he was her own son, but that was something else to hear Clarke ask for it.

“Clarke, I love you” Lexa smiled. “And I love Ayden. You are my life now. And I want to be by your side; to raise him, to take care of him as well as you do. I...” Lexa sighed, organising her thoughts. “I don’t want kids, but..”

Clarke cut her off, sitting in the bed in a second. “You don’t want kids? So you’re lying to me from the beginning?”

“What?” Lexa said, surprised about Clarke’s behaviour, “I never said...”

“You just said you don’t want kids, Lexa” Clarke huffed while getting up and putting a sweatshirt on, “I can’t believe I’ve been that stupid to think you would...”

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Lexa asked trying to stop the girl, not understanding what was going on, “What’s the matter?”

“The matter, Lexa? The matter is that I was foolish enough to think you would want to raise my child with me!” Clarke angrily said, banging the door as she ran to the living-room, leaving a very confused Lexa in the bedroom.

Lexa frowned and waited for a few minutes, wondering if she should go see Clarke or leave her alone. She quickly figured out it was wrong to go to bed upset, so she got up and looked for Clarke.

The Blonde was sitting on the couch, buried in a blanket. Lexa’s heart broke when she saw the wet trails of tears soaking her girlfriend’s cheeks. Lexa carefully approached her, sitting next to her, but keeping some space between them.

“Clarke, I have things I want to tell you” she started with a gentle voice, “But you have to let me speak and wait for when I’m done if you want to answer something. Okay?”

Clarke didn’t move first, but then nodded, still not looking at Lexa.

“Clarke” Lexa sighed, “It’s not that I _don’t_ want kids. Well, first I didn’t, when I was with Costia”.

That perked Clarke’s attention, and she turned to face Lexa with curious eyes. Lexa never talked about Costia, so it was surely a big deal for Lexa, a big step.

“I didn’t want children because I never thought I could take care of one, be there for his whole life” Lexa continued, “And I worked a lot. Having a child was never an option for me” she said still with her gentle voice.

Lexa carefully moved her hand to rest on top of Clarke’s, watching the Blonde for any rejection. But Clarke didn’t move her hand away.

“And now, I still don’t know if I’m ready for kids. But what I do know,” Lexa murmured, “Is that I want your child. I want Ayden, because he is your child” Lexa smiled, “I want to raise him with you. Be there when he’ll go to elementary school, and middle school and high school. I want to be there with you when he’ll graduate from college”.

Clarke was silently crying again.

“Don’t cry, my love” Lexa whispered, slowly wiping the tears away from Clarke’s skin, “everything is ok. I’m here.”

Lexa then wordlessly opened her arms as Clarke was snuggling against her chest, griping the Brunette’s shirt. It was a lot for the both of them. Lexa hadn’t ever pictured herself with a kid to take care of. She didn’t want kids when she was with Costia, and that had raised fights between the two. But now, she wanted Ayden to be her kid so much, she wanted a lifetime with them. Eternity... But now that she had made the confession out loud, she was feeling bare to the world. Well, bare to Clarke, but what the Blonde thought about her was the most important thing on Earth to Lexa. What if Clarke figured out she was better off without Lexa? What if Ayden and her didn’t need Lexa anymore?

“Thank you, Lexa” Clarke sniffed once she had calmed herself a bit.

“You’re welcome” Lexa hummed in Clarke’s hair, “but you have to promise something to me”.

Clarke raised her eyes to meet Lexa’s, intrigued. “What?”

“You can’t leave me, Clarke” Lexa said, her voice a bit shivering, “You can’t leave me...”

“I won’t” Clarke hugged her girlfriend hard, sensing Lexa’s insecurities, “I’m here, too”.

_I've been in love and lost my senses_   
_Spinning through the town_   
_Sooner or later the fever ends_   
_And I wind up feeling down_

_Oh! I wanna dance with somebody_   
_I wanna feel the heat with somebody_   
_Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody_   
_With somebody who loves me_

* * *

 Raven and Anya had almost spent the whole weekend into the secret place. To say that the girls had grown closer would be a lie. They had literally been glued to each other all weekend.  
After Lexa, Ayden and Clarke left the apartment Raven had gone back to the lair, taking Octavia’s tunnel where Anya had been waiting for her. The older Woods had made a pass for Raven to unlock the secret passage into Arcadia’s storage room so she could come and go as she wanted without needing to ask Octavia to open the passage every time. They hadn’t solved the “leg” problem yet, but Anya was secretly working on it. And the damn leg was hurting like a bitch today. Raven had held her jaw closed the whole day, trying to forget about the pain. Or hide it from the others. She knew Clarke had noticed, and was glad her friend had not made a comment about it. On the motorcycle, Anya had strapped Raven’s leg to her own as Octavia had done on Friday. While riding, Raven had only one thought in her mind; _what would my life be if I didn’t have this fuckin’ damaged leg?_ But of course, no one could answer that.

Anya watched as Raven was typing on the keyboard. It was a euphemism to say that Anya was intrigued by Raven. She was _captivated_ by the Brunette. Everything in her was attractive; her facial expression when she was thinking, the way her smile was taking her whole face when she was laughing, the sound of her voice. Everything. Anya discretely shook her head; she had never been intrigued by someone so much before.

“Anya, come here please” Raven said without taking her eyes of the computer.

Anya took a seat next to her, focusing on the screen. “What is it?”

“Look” Raven pointed to the coloured names of the list, “I think a blue name means that the person is still alive. Thelonius Jaha is still alive, this bastard” Raven mumbled, “Clarke’s mother is still alive. Kane is still alive”.

Anya frowned. “But you and your friends are alive too, and you’re not in blue”.

“Yes” Raven nodded with a smile as if she knew something Anya didn’t, “but look. All of us are in yellow. And we have never, _never,_ heard about Skaikru Company. We left everyone when we were still young. To the world, we could be dead”.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying a blue name is a Skaikru known as still alive” Raven said, “and a yellow name means they don’t know if we are alive or dead. They don’t know where we are, they can’t say if we are still living or not”.

Anya nodded; it could make sense. “But Raven” Anya said, “This list is _years_ old; we stole it from Azgeda, but they could have had another copy and tracked you down by now”.

“You say there’s a possibility that they don’t have this list anymore?” Raven asked.

“I say we stole it from them” Anya repeated, “So yes there’s a chance they didn’t have another copy of it. Maybe that’s the reason why you’re still all alive. Because they have nothing on you”.

Raven hummed. “Anya, how could we never hear about Skaikru Company before?” Raven asked, a bit frustrated with everything she was discovering, “I mean I get how our parents could have hid being leaders of a Company, but we were aware of Trikru and Coalition Corp. How did we never hear about Skaikru?”

Anya sighed. “Skaikru was a sort of secret company, that’s why”.

“Of course it had to be” Raven huffed.

Anya didn’t react to Raven’s frustration and continued her explanations. “Skaikru was a sort of tech company. They build advanced tech, like computers, machines for everything, spies stuff for the government” Anya said, “Of course some people knew about it, but what they were doing in Skaikru was a big deal; they were the 13th company in Coalition Corp, except that most of people thought there were only twelve companies”.

Raven sighed, leaning against the chair’s back. “Tech. Advanced tech for the government”.

“Yes” Anya confirmed. She could see the girl was thinking at a hundred miles per hours in her head. The older Woods waited for Raven to go out of her thoughts.

“Can I have access to Azgeda servers from here?” Raven asked, suddenly getting up and looking at all the cables.

“You could” Anya frowned, “But you won’t”.

Raven stopped, and turned to face Anya with a confused expression. “Why? We need to see if they still have that list. If they do, they’ll find us, Anya. We can’t risk it. You said it yourself. They murdered Skaikru people to end a fucking company!” Raven said, not believing that Anya was not going to agree with her, “What if they learn we are still alive and come after us to be sure we don’t revive Skaikru Company?”

“It’s too risky,” Anya began to raise her voice, “Azgeda servers are under constant surveillance since we stole the list. They’ll see you’re trying to get in and they’ll come after you for sure.”

“Anya” Raven hissed, “It is not your decision. WE are the ones affected by this mess. I need to know if there’s a threat over our heads”.

“I said no”. Anya stated with a cold voice.

“You said no?” Raven answered, growling, her eyes locked in Anya’s, “you said NO? It’s none of your business!”

“It IS!” Anya yelled back, “It is if this is putting you at risk for something we are not even sure of!”

“For all we know I could be at risk anyways!” Raven shouted, “What’s your fucking problem?!”

“My problem is that I fucking care about you, dammit Raven!” Anya yelled.

They both froze because of Anya’s confession. Anya, because she hadn’t planned to let it slip like this, and Raven because she hadn’t been prepared to hear those words.

“Wh... What...?” Raven murmured with a tiny voice, suddenly not angry at all, her eyes searching in Anya’s.

Anya sighed, sitting down and taking her head in her hands for a few seconds before speaking. “I care about you, ok?” she said in a calm and gentle voice, “And I can’t risk putting you at more risk than you already are”.

As Raven was not saying anything, Anya spoke again.

“I’m not trying to be bossy with you, Raven” Anya said, “I’m just trying to protect you. I know a lot more about this than you do, and only one misstep could turn very wrong. I need you to trust me with this. Okay?”

Raven slowly nodded, still not having recovered from the shock. Finally, she took a step closer to Anya, intertwining their fingers as Anya was looking at her with curious eyes.

“What happens if I care about you too...?” Raven whispered.

Anya smiled, and brought one hand to Raven’s face, the other guiding the girl’s waist to sit on her lap.

Once Raven was sat, Anya put both her hands on Raven’s cheeks, putting back in place a strand of hair behind her ear.

“This happen” Anya murmured, leaning forwards to kiss Raven.

The kiss was slow, as if they were testing the water, discovering each other’s mouths. Not too needy, not too shy either; it was the perfect first kiss. When they needed to pull away for air, Anya circled Raven’s body with her arms as Raven was leaning on her and snuggling into Anya’s body with a content hum. They stayed hugging each other for a while, before parting with smiles on their faces.

 _I need a woman who'll take a chance_  
_On a love that burns hot enough to last_  
 _So when the night falls_  
 _My lonely heart calls_

 _Oh! I wanna dance with somebody_  
I wanna feel the heat with somebody  
Yeah! I wanna dance with somebody  
With somebody who loves me...   



	44. Nia's Second Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there friends. I know I said I would have time to update more often but turns out my life is still as full as it was two weeks ago. But don't worry, I'm ok! I'm just struggling with things, but everyone does so, nothing bad here ;)
> 
> Here is chapter 43, it's like a transition chapter, but needed for the rest of the story. Enjoy, don't forget to tell me what you thought about it, and a big thank you for keeping up with me :)

** Chapter 43 : Nia’s Second Move **

_Song : South Georgia by Adam Young_

Monday morning and Clarke was turning and turning in the sheets, unable to sleep anymore. Too much things were on her mind; today, it was Ayden’s first day back at school, and to say she was worried about him was hiding the truth with a transparent blanket. Well, she was not _worried_ about him, but she didn’t know what to expect. Would Ayden like to go to school again; or would he make a fuss about it and be upset at Clarke for sending him back there? Clarke sighed, and woke up Lexa doing so.

“Clarke” Lexa yawned, turning herself to face the Blonde, “Why are you thinking at loud at six in the morning?” she asked with her sleepy voice Clarke had grown to love so much.

Clarke smiled at her girlfriend’s comment. It was true Clarke wasn’t a morning person; it was indeed weird she was awake at such an early hour.

Lexa adjusted herself on her elbow as Clarke wasn’t answering, and ran her hand on Clarke’s arm to calm her down. They couldn’t explain it, but their touches were always soothing the other one.

“Love, I know you’re worried about Ayden” Lexa said, “but you know he will be fine. He needs friends his age, he needs to see people. He can’t be raised into a cave, you know that...” Lexa tried to persuade Clarke with her gentle voice. Yes, she had told the Blonde she wanted to treat and care for Ayden as her own son, but she was still not very sure of how she should act when it was about the boy.

Clarke sighed, knowing Lexa was right. _As ninety percent of the time._ “I know, I know”.

Lexa lightly kissed Clarke’s forehead. “I’ll call Titus to say I will be a bit late at work this morning. We are going to bring him to school, together. Is this ok with you?”

Clarke smiled. “Yes, I’d like that”.

“Ok then” Lexa flashed her dimple, getting up and going towards the bathroom to get ready for the day.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked before Lexa was out of sight.

“Yes, Clarke?” The brunette turned herself to look at her girlfriend.

“I love you”. Clarke sincerely said, smiling to Lexa.

“I love you too, Clarke.” And Lexa was gone into the shower, a smile stuck on her face as Clarke was grinning in their bed as a teenager.

* * *

 

In her office, Nia White was reviewing documents she had read almost a thousand times each. All of them were saying the same thing. Arcadia Building was not hers. Meaning, Lexa’s new interests were still in her life, safe and sound, while Lexa was glowing with happiness. And happiness was not the emotion Nia White wanted the Woods bitch to feel. Far from it.

“Ontari!” Nia yelled into the speaker on her desk, “Come over here!”

Not one minute later, Ontari was entering the office, trying to mask the fact that she was out of breath. Which was actually normal, since her personal desk was three floors under Nia’s, with the other secretaries. Ontari knew she should talk to Nia about it, ask for a desk closer to the woman’s office, but she was a bit scared by how Nia could react that she was settling for running into the stairs with record speed every time Nia was yelling for her into the microphone.

“You asked for me?” Ontari asked, still out of breath.

“Yes” Nia answered, “show me the board and the pictures from last time.”

Ontari internally sighed; the board was literally in the same room as them; Nia just had to get up to turn it around to be able to see it. Ontari did as asked anyways. As she was turning the board, Echo, a new secretary, entered the office.

“You said you wanted to see me, my Queen?” Echo respectfully asked, bowing her head as a greeting.

“Yes” Nia waved at her, “Echo, meet Ontari” Nia introduced the two girls to each other. “Echo, Ontari would most likely succeed me if I were to die or disappear. Ontari, Echo will be now in charge of our intel service.”

Both girls nodded at each other.

“If I may, my Queen, what is this for, all those pictures on the board?” Echo asked.

“Ontari, tell us why do we have to put up with those stupid pictures” Nia asked, sighing.

“Those people are Skaikru” Ontari started to explain, only to be cut off by Echo.

“Impossible. Skaikru disappeared years ago” Echo raised a brow in surprise.

“Not all of them apparently” Ontari said, continuing her explanations, “those people are the last living members of Skaikru we recently discovered”.

“And why do we only know about them for a couple of weeks ago, Ontari?” Nia asked again, anger all over her; not against Ontari, but against the time they had lost. All this time they had guessed Skaikru was no more when there were still Skaikru people alive.

“Because we lost the Skaikru’s members list, my Queen” Ontari answered. “Stolen from us a few years ago. Without this list, we were unable to know if there was still Skaikru members alive.”

“Now, tell the good news to Echo” Nia smirked. 

“Our technicians were able to recover the list in the servers” Ontari smirked in turn, “Meaning we will have very soon the list of every Skaikru who was ever born”.

“Present the board to Echo” Nia ordered as Ontari was nodding.

“Those are the remaining Skaikru we believe live all together in Arcadia building Lexa failed to deliver us” Ontari gritted through her teeth, naming every one of them.

“This blonde one” Ontari pointed at Clarke’s picture, “Is Clarke Griffin. And yes, she’s Abby and Jake Griffin’s only child” Ontari added as recognition was dawning on Echo’s face, “We believe she would be the most dangerous of all. She seems to lead the group, alongside this boy,” Ontari said pointing now at Bellamy’s picture, “But we don’t think he is Clarke’s child’s father”.

“Griffin Junior is a mother” Echo raised a brow.

“Yes” Nia smirked again, “A five years old boy, it seems. Ontari, tell Echo the other good news”.

Ontari smirked too, and gave Echo a picture. Echo’s eyes widened when she took a look at the picture. “This is Lexa Woods in this picture. With Griffin and the boy”.

“Yes, it is” Nia said, her creepy smirk still on her face, “Seems like Woods fell in love with them” Nia said with disgust clearly written in her voice.

“And we are going to use that against her” Echo stated, giving the picture back to Ontari, slowly understanding Nia’s plan.

“I see you’re smart” Nia waved her head at her, “and you’re absolutely right. Ontari, enlighten our friend about Lexa’s past lover”.

“Costia was her name” Echo didn’t let Ontari answer; “Died under weird circumstances” Echo smirked at her own words. Before applying to Azgeda, she had done some researches on her own; to be sure she knew what she was putting her feet into.

“Weird circumstances, indeed” Nia smirked back, as Ontari could only grit her teeth at this new girl who was stealing her all the fun.

“What’s the plan, then?” Echo said, looking at Nia and ignoring the dark stare she was getting from Ontari.

“The plan is to take them down, all of them, one by one” Nia menacingly pointed at the pictures, “To be sure Skaikru Company never rises again.”

“Because if they do so” Ontari started, only to be cut off by Echo again,

“If Skaikru Company is brought back to life, they have enough dirty secrets of ours to take us down for good. Plus, they would be a great ally to Trikru and Coalition Corp, strong enough to make us look weak and we would never be able to take control of it by force or coup” Echo concluded.

“Exactly” Nia nodded. “I like how your mind works Echo _kom Azgeda_ ” Nia smirked.

“Only to serve you, my Queen” Echo answered, tilting her head to the side as a sign of respect.

“The thing is, we can’t just kill them all” Nia sighed, pointing to Clarke and Lexa. “Those two are smart. And the older Woods, Anya, leader of Trikru? That bitch’s smart too. And they seem to have resources. Which ones and from whom, I still don’t know and I don’t like waiting. The people working on it are incapables” Nia said through gritted teeth.

“I’ll do my best to find what I can, my Queen” Echo said.

“You better” Nia sighed again, “but that can wait a bit more. Today, we are proceeding to part two of the plan”.

“First phase being...” Echo trailed off, not up to date about everything yet.

“Phase one being intel gathering, of course” Ontari snapped at Echo as if she was stupid.

Echo just glared at the girl, wondering was her problem was.

“Echo, you were a cop before appointing to Azgeda, correct?” Nia nonchalantly asked. But both girls knew better; there was something between her innocent looking question.

“Yes my Queen, I was” Echo answered nonetheless.   

“I’ve got a special mission for you” Nia smirked, getting up to put her long vicious finger on one of the pictures pinned on the board. “This one, Bellamy Blake, is a cop working at Polis’ police station”.

Echo nodded, taking the information in, wondering what Nia was going to say next.

“You will apply to the police station today. You’ll be affected in his service – I’ve got someone on it – and I want you to get close to him” Nia said, a smirk obviously on her face. 

“Close to him. Like...” Echo trailed off, wanting to be sure.

“Yes. _Close.”_ Nia confirmed, “I want you to incorporate their group. To be our inside man. Or woman. I don’t really care. But I want you to learn everything you can about them. How they work, as a group. Who leads, who takes the major decisions – even if we know it has to be Griffin’s daughter – what they are planning about Skaikru Company. Anything that can help us tear them down”.

Ontari discretely rolled her eyes. That was a mission she could have accomplished on her own. No need for this Echo girl. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, so she got out of the room to answer it.

 _There she was_ , Echo thought about Nia White. She has to be honest, what the woman was suggesting was a good plan. None of them had already seen her before; they wouldn’t get too suspicious of her when they’ll meet her. The only thing was that, for Echo not to raise suspicions; she would need time to gain Bellamy’s trust first. They looked like smart people; she couldn’t rush the thing or they would feel something was off.

“I can do that” Echo finally nodded, “But I will need time. To gain their trust and not raise suspicions from the group”.

“You will have some” Nia acquiesced, “We have things to take care of first. We have to take Lexa down.”

Ontari came back into the room. “My Queen, one of our spies just called to say Griffin and Woods would bring the boy at school together this morning”.

“It’s useless if they are together” Nia huffed.

“The good news is” Ontari continued, “Clarke will be alone to go fetch the boy in the afternoon around four thirty. Lexa has a meeting with Sandkru and Trishanakru ambassadors at the same hour” Ontari smirked as Nia was doing so too.

“That is very good news indeed” Nia White nodded.

* * *

 

Lexa and Clarke were in front of Ayden’s new school as the boy was excitedly clapping his hands with joy.

“Can I go now, Mommy?” He said, pointing at the other kids playing in the playground.

Lexa threw a look at Clarke, who wasn’t moving. So the Brunette kneeled at Ayden’s level, taking both his hands in hers.

“Be kind to your teacher and your new classmates, ok buddy?” Lexa asked as Ayden was smiled at her.

“I will” he promised very seriously as Clarke was watching their exchange with tender eyes, “Will you be there when I’m done with school?”

“I don’t know” Lexa sighed, “But your Mom will come to pick you up, and I’ll try to get out of work the sooner I can. Does this work?”

“Yes” Ayden smiled, hugging Lexa and then waved goodbye at Clarke, “Bye Yexa! Bye Mommy!” he yelled, running towards the teacher who was handing her hand for him to take as she was waving goodbye at Lexa and Clarke.

“Bye, my sweet tender boy” Clarke whispered so low Lexa almost missed it.

They stayed still for a few more seconds until Ayden was inside the school and out of sight. Lexa intertwined their fingers, gently running her thumb on Clarke’s hand.

“He will be ok” Lexa said, “He will be happy”.

Clarke hummed, not sure. She was feeling so much stuff right now; she knew it was good for Ayden to go to school, but it was somewhere Clarke couldn’t be with him and protect him. As if she had done a great job at protecting him in the past.

“Clarke” Lexa called her to get her out of her thoughts, “You are a good mother. He has everything he needs”.

“Yeah, but that’s your doing” Clarke huffed, frustrated with herself, “You’re a better mother to him than me”.

“Clarke stop it right now” Lexa said with an authoritative voice that surprised Clarke, “Nothing will ever replace you in his eyes. You’re his _mother,_ Clarke” Lexa added with a gentle tone, “He loves you. When he is upset, or tired, or when he’s scared, he goes to you first. You did a great job with him. And you’ll continue to be a great mother. Actually, I kind of wish you were _my_ mother” Lexa said with a grin.

It made Clarke chuckle at Lexa’s silliness. “Where are your parents, anyways?” Clarke then asked, realizing she didn’t know about Lexa’s parents. As if Lexa knew about Clarke’s.

“Hum, they died” Lexa stated.

“Lexa, I’m sorry” Clarke quickly apologised, “I didn’t mean to...”

“It’s ok” Lexa smiled, kissing Clarke’s forehead, “it was a long time ago. But as much as I’d like to talk about parents and stuff, I have to go to work” Lexa said, “I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yes” Clarke answered, hiding the fact she hated not seeing Lexa for a whole day. And that she was going to be alone at home.

“Bye, Beautiful” Lexa lightly kissed Clarke on the lips, before walking away.

Clarke sighed, and made her way back to Lexa’s loft.

* * *

 

Octavia, Indra, Raven and Anya were standing in front of the computers in the secret bunker. Raven was taking her marks with the system – although she had already taken them the all weekend- as Indra was explaining the new missions the agents would be assigned to. Raven was focusing really hard to understand the teams’ dynamics; as far as she could see, there were tiny groups of people, working as separated units. But something was different about Octavia’s team, though; first, they didn’t have the same outfit. Octavia and her seven teammates were all dressed in black, but not any black; this black you would not see, a black like a shadow one. Well, Raven obviously couldn’t explain _well_ how the fuck their clothes were made, but it was like it could change colours with the environment or something.

Of course, Raven knew Octavia was different. Well, that her team was a different one; ghosts, she had said. Nothing could be found on them, and as Raven was thinking about it, she hadn’t seen Octavia’s name on the list. Suddenly, Raven’s eyes widened as Indra was speaking in the background. Octavia hadn’t been on the list Anya and she had read. But Octavia was born before the fall of Skaikru Company, it was impossible for her not to exist on that list.

Raven tugged at Anya’s sleeve, making the other roll her eyes.

“Reyes, what do you want?” Anya asked, annoyed.

“Octavia is what you call a ghost agent, right?”

“Yes” Anya sighed, raising a brow at Raven, waiting for her to make sense.  

“So there’s nothing on her” Raven stated what she already knew, “Any data that might have existed on her is now inexistent, correct?”

“Yes, Raven” Anya nodded again.

“But there _was_ data on her, right?” Raven continued, sitting at her desk and typing on the keyboard, “but now there’s nothing.”

“I don’t see the point of this, Raven” Anya huffed, beginning to get annoyed with the brunette.

“Yes you do, just focus!” Raven exclaimed, “Look Anya” She said, opening once more the Skaikru members’ list, “there’s not Octavia’s name on that list”.

“I can see that” Anya answered not hiding her frustration anymore.

“But she had to be on that list before!” Raven said, “She was born way before Skaikru’s fall, she was registered in that list, like Bellamy, her brother” Raven explained to Anya, “but now she’s not on that list anymore”.

“Obviously she’s not on the list Raven” Anya huffed, “She’s a _ghost_ it’s like she was never born!”

“That’s exactly my point!” Raven said, “She was on the list and now she’s not. Someone erased her existence when she became a ghost! We could do the same for all of us, make us disappear! And if Azgeda still have the list, we would be off radar and safe!”

Anya was ready to protest, but stopped herself as Raven’s words were sinking in. “Actually, you might be right!” Anya said, typing on the computer in turn, “I wasn’t the one erasing Octavia’s files but... wait” Anya frowned, “No. We can’t do that”.

“Why not?” Raven asked a bit surprised.

“Because we would have to get into Azgeda servers” Anya sighed, preparing herself for the discussion she already had had with Raven.

“That’s easy” Raven protested, “I will only take me a few minutes and then...”

“Raven” Anya interrupted her, “I said we were not going to enter Azgeda servers last weekend, today my words are not different”.

“Right” Raven said, closing the list and busying herself with something else. It surprised Anya; Raven didn’t seem like a girl who would obey to orders if she didn’t agree with them.

“Right?” Anya asked, confused.

“Yes. You said no. End of discussion” Raven shrugged. Anya raised a brow again, but left Raven alone since she needed to talk with Indra.

At her desk, Raven patiently waited for Anya to be gone, threw a glance across the room to see if anyone was watching her, took a USB drive from her pocket and put in into the computer.

 _Clarke would have done the same,_ Raven thought as she was copying secret classified documents on the drive, _my turn to protect our family._  


	45. Echos And Repercussions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey fam! Here's another chapter, and I want to thank all of you for keeping up with me even when I can't publish every day!   
> I hope you like where the story is going, and I swear all the mysteries will be resolved soon and you'll get more fluff after ;)

** Chapter 44 : Echos And Repercussions **

_Song : Graveyard Whistling by Nothing But Thieves_

Echo was standing in front of the police station, checking once again she had all the papers and stuff she would need for her meeting with a responsible.

 _Echo, you can’t fail this,_ the girl told herself, _Nia is counting on you. And only God knows what she’ll do if you fail..._ Echo shivered at her own thoughts.

She pushed the door open and was instantly met with people running around. She was a bit lost at first; too much cops for her.

“Excuse-me” Echo said to a man typing on a key-board behind a desk, “I’m looking for... Bryan Adams?”

The cop looked up, a frown on his face. “That would be me. What is it about?” Bryan said, surprised to see someone ask for him.

“I’m the new recruit, Echo Snow?” Echo introduced herself, “I’m supposed to start today in one of your team.”

Bryan raised a brow at the girl, but left the desk for a few minutes and came back with a black haired-boy. _Very good looking,_ Echo added in her head.

“Hello, I’m Bellamy Blake, I am your superior in the team you’ll integrate” the man introduced himself, holding a hand to shake Echo’s.

Echo was a bit stunned, because she had not expected the man to look _that_ good. Really, the pictures on Nia’s board didn’t do him any justice.

“Echo Snow” Echo repeated, shaking Bellamy’s hand.

“Thanks Bryan” Blake said to the other guy, “I’ll take it from here”.

Bryan nodded, returning at his desk.

“Come on follow me” Blake said to Echo.

They walked past a few offices where people were animatedly talking with other cops. Echo tried to take in everything she could; since Nia had just told Echo she needed to actually _be_ a cop again, she didn’t had any time to do researches on the police station or anything. And Echo didn’t like surprises; she needed to be aware of everything, to be in control. Nope, surprises were not for Echo Snow.

“So, here’s the place where you need to check in every morning” Bellamy said, gesturing to a desk and the woman behind it. “You are expected to be here at eight in the morning until I say you can go home” Bellamy continued. “Questions?”

Echo shook her head no; she did have some questions, but she didn’t want to give the impression she was unfocused. Plus, her questions had nothing to do with what the Blake boy just said.

“Here’s your desk” Bellamy pointed towards it, “Mine’s this one. Today the team is staying here. Take this time to get familiar with the system and everything”.

Bellamy then left. Echo looked around to take in her surroundings, and sat at her new desk. She watched as Bellamy was chatting with one of the cop, a few meters away. Echo has to say, that was not how she had expected the man to be. When Nia talked about him –about the whole group really-, she was talking with so much anger and hate that Echo thought they were necessarily bad people. Well, Blake did seem a little harsh with people, but he didn’t look like a bad person.

* * *

 

It was four in the afternoon and Raven was getting ready to leave. All day, she had pretended to be busy with Trikru stuff, having forgotten about the list and everything; but it was poking yourself in the eye if you thought Raven had dropped it. Every hour, she was making sure the USB drive she had copied data on was still on her pocket for her to take home.

“You’re leaving, Raven?” Anya asked as she was coming towards her.

“Yes” Raven nodded, “You said I was not to be in the bunker after four this week”.

Anya nodded back. Usually, people were working very later than that, but today Lexa Woods the CEO was to pay a quick visit – her first official visit in the bunker - before her meeting with ambassadors. Raven had taken the occasion to meet with Clarke and Ayden after she had gone fetch her son at school.

Raven headed towards the stairs when she crossed path with Lexa, heading down.

“Lexa?” Raven asked, surprised to see her here.

“Hello, Raven” Lexa said with a formal voice, “Are you leaving?”

“Yes I am” Raven nodded, “My shift ended at four”.

“Good afternoon then” Lexa smiled at her.

“Thanks. I’m gonna meet with Griffin at your place by the way” Raven said, without thinking. Lexa, of course, had heard well.

“What?” Lexa breathed.

“I’m going to see Clarke” Raven reformulated, still not thinking, “Bye Lexa”.

Lexa was left speechless in the stairs. Griffin? Was that Clarke’s last name? No. It couldn’t be... Then, Lexa spotted Anya waiting for her down the stairs, eyes wide open. And it clicked into Lexa’s brain. Anya knew.

“Anya” Lexa said through her teeth, “tell me this is a joke”.

Anya not saying anything was enough of an answer to Lexa.

“She’s a Griffin” Lexa murmured, “As in Jake and Abby Griffin?”

Anya only nodded.

“She’s a Skaikru, then..?”

Anya nodded again, confirming Lexa’s statement.

“I thought all Skaikru people were dead...!” Lexa whispered again, not believing what she was discovering.

“Some of them are still alive” Anya said, “Lexa, Clarke and all of her friends... They are all Skaikru”.

Lexa froze. It was impossible. “No way”.

“Yes way” Anya answered, taking a step closer to her very shocked cousin, “Lexa, do you know what that mean?”

“Do they know?” Lexa asked, ignoring Anya’s question, “Do they know they are Skaikru’s descendants?”

“If you’re asking that question to know if Clarke took advantage of you, she didn’t” Anya said, “They don’t know they are Skaikru; Well,” Anya added, “Raven knows; she helped me with stuff”.

Lexa just nodded. She hadn’t asked the question to know if Clarke was playing her; she knew the girl wasn’t. Clarke hadn’t even _recognised_ her as Lexa Woods when they had first met. But knowing there were still Skaikru members alive was changing the game completely. _They could bring back Skaikru Company to life,_ Lexa thought.

But then, something else clicked in Lexa’s mind. Nia fucking White.

“Anya, would it be possible for Nia to know about the remaining Skaikrus?” Lexa asked, her brain thinking at a thousand miles per hour.

“Hum, about that...” Anya said, “it is possible Azgeda has a list of all Skaikru members ever being born”.

“ _Possible?”_ Lexa asked, gritting her teeth together.

“We don’t know if they had a copy of the list we stole years ago” Anya explained.

“The list _I_ stole” Lexa said, putting the pieces together.

Anya nodded.

“Anya, if Azgeda still has that list, then they are all in danger” Lexa added, beginning to walk in circles and then stopping abruptly.

“They _have_ to have the list. That’s the reason Nia White was talking to Clarke. She knows. Nia knows who Clarke really is” Lexa said, her eyes widening in horror, “She was not bothering Clarke because of me” Lexa began to walk in circle again, very stressed out, “Well because of me of course but also because she’s a Griffin and...”

“Lexa stop!” Anya said, putting her two hands on her little cousin’s shoulders to calm her down, “I don’t understand what you’re saying”.

“Nia _knows_ Clarke is a Griffin. She will wipe them all out!” Lexa almost whispered as fear was crawling through her all body.

Anya removed her hands as she understood Lexa’s words. She had thought about all this before, with Raven. But now, they were pretty sure Azgeda was plotting something. And it was always a bad thing.

“I have to go” Lexa then said, grabbing some bike’s keys hanging on the wall, “I have to get to Clarke and Ayden to make sure they are ok and...”

Lexa was already half-running towards the tunnel leading near Ayden’s school, grabbing a helmet on a shelf.

“Lexa wait!” Anya yelled as her cousin was already leaving, “What about your meeting with the ambassadors?”

“Tell them I’ll rain-check!” Lexa yelled back before starting the bike and taking off through the tunnels.

“But Lexa you can’t...” Anya trailed off, seeing her cousin was already gone. “I’ll tell them you’re going to rain-check the meeting, very professional” Anya added to herself, rolling her eyes at her cousin. 

* * *

 

Clarke was waiting in front of Ayden’s new school next to other parents as the bell was ringing the end of class. She was a bit nervous; because there were a lot of parents looking at her as she was a new face, but also nervous about how Ayden’s first day had gone.

“Clarke Griffin, we meet again” A voice said behind Clarke, making the blonde jump in surprise. She turned around, and her body froze when she saw who had spoken to her.

“Nia White from Azgeda” Clarke acknowledged the woman. It’s not like she could ignore her anyways.

“Coming to fetch your boy, Clarke?” Nia innocently asked, looking at the kids who were beginning to come out of the building.

“What I’m doing in not of your business” Clarke answered, “But I believe you’re clever enough to figure what I’m doing here on your own”.

“I see you have inherited of your father’s sense of humour, too” Nia hummed. “But tell me Clarke, do you at least know how big your fathers were?”

Clarke didn’t answer; but she was curious as hell about what Nia was talking about.

“Do you know about Skaikru Company, Clarke?” Nia asked again.

“I only know about Skaikru neighbourhood” Clarke hummed. “That is where I live. But I believe you already know that”.

Nia smiled at Clarke’s respondent. “Years ago, there was a thirteenth company, called Skaikru” Nia explained. “But unfortunately, its people all mysteriously died or disappeared in the same period of time, killing the Company at the same time, because of no leaders to take care of it. What a shame” Nia falsely sighed.

Clarke waited for Nia to continue as she was scanning the crowd to see Ayden and get the hell out of here.

“Your parents, Clarke” Nia continued, “Were part of Skaikru’s board. Leaders”.

At this, Clarke turned her head towards Nia. It was impossible. Her father had been an engineer, and her mother a doctor. Neither of them had been leaders of anything.

“They were not” Clarke stated; but her voice couldn’t hide the doubt that was growing into her.

“But they were” Nia said again, “Griffin is a known name into the Coalition, because of your fathers. Why do you think Lexa took care of you and accepted you into her home?”

Clarke didn’t answer, but her teeth were gritted; Nia noticed, of course.

“Come on Clarke, you’re clever” Nia said again, “Lexa is Coalition Corp’s CEO, you obviously read about her in the press. She’s not known for doing into relationships.”

“What are you saying?” Clarke asked, teeth still gritted.

“I’m saying” Nia said, smirking to herself, “Lexa is using you for your name. Because you’re a Griffin”.

Clarke said nothing; not wanting to give Nia the satisfaction of anything. Finally, a little boy was running towards Clarke full speed dragging his backpack behind him.

“Mommy!” He shouted, happily meeting with his mother again. He jumped into Clarke’s open arms, hugged her, and then threw a sceptical look at the woman standing near his mother.

“Yexa doesn’t like you” Ayden said, still looking at Nia with accusatory eyes.

If Clarke was internally smirking for the brilliance of her son’s mind and if Nia was speechless by the little boy, they both tried to hide it but neither of them really succeeded.

“Your kid definitely has the family’s mind” Nia said, starting to leave, “Remember Clarke, Lexa is not someone you want near you”.

Clarke watched as the White witch was walking away.

“Yexa!” Ayden suddenly yelled, gesturing behind Clarke.

The Blonde turned around, surprised to indeed see a Brunette running towards her.

“Clarke” Lexa panted she had reached her, “Are you ok? Is this Nia I see, walking away? What happened? Did she...”

“Lexa” Clarke stopped her with a smile, “Everything is fine. Let’s go home, alright?” She asked, looking at her son. “We just need to talk about some things, tonight” Clarke added, only for Lexa to hear.  

“Yeah, ok” Lexa said, still a bit out of breath. She didn’t really know what Nia had said to Clarke, nor did she know about what Clarke wanted to talk about; but Clarke didn’t seem too shaken up, so Lexa took her chance and let her hand slide next to Clarke’s as they were walking.

“You can hold my hand, Lexa” Clarke murmured, still with a smile. Lexa smiled back, and linked their hands together.

“Hey, I want to hold hands too!” Ayden protested, wriggling his arms and feet for her mother to put him to the ground.

Both women laughed as Clarke was putting the boy on his feet. He took his mother’s hand in his right one and Lexa’s in the left with a big smile on his face.

“You’re happy now?” Clarke laughed at her silly boy.

“Yes!” He happily shouted, “Both my mommies went to pick me up from school!” And he started to explain his day, the names of his new friends and what he had done in class, as Clarke and Lexa were looking at each other in shock.

Clarke, because she didn’t think Ayden would say something like this to Lexa this soon, and Lexa, because she didn’t think Ayden would ever considerate her as an official second parent, even less referring to her as such. Lexa was nervously looking at Clarke as Ayden was rambling, waiting for the Blonde reaction.

Clarke sensed her girlfriend’s nervousness and smiled at her. “The truth comes out from children’s mouths” Clarke said, “Is it not the expression they use in France?” She winked, as Lexa was left even more speechless.

 _Clarke just approved what Ayden has said_ , Lexa thought, her mind blowing up, _and she just quote a french expression to me._

“What?” Clarke asked to the smiley Lexa, still whispering as Ayden was still talking.

“I am just _so_ in love with you” Lexa whispered back.

It made Clarke blush, “And I love you too”.

“Hey, is someone listening to me?” Ayden protested seeing Clarke and Lexa were looking at each other and not paying attention at all, making the women burst into laughters.  

* * *

 

Octavia was waiting in front of the police station for Bellamy. She was meeting with her brother; Bellamy was getting a bike today – for his work he had said – and he had asked Octavia to go with him, as she knew more about bikes than he did.

Bellamy had just texted her, telling her he would be ten minutes late because of the new recruit they had on the team. Octavia didn’t mind waiting for a bit; in fact, she rarely had time for herself, so she was glad she had ten minutes to sit on a bench and just think about stuff.

Indra had given them their missions; Octavia was to leave in two days, for a three weeks mission. One part of her was thrilled to go back on the field – this was what she was living for – but the other part was broken with having to leave again. She knew what she was leaving behind, every time she had to go on a mission; Lincoln first, of course. The man was the love of her life, and she was only truly herself when she was with him. Then, her brother; they were often bickering, but he was family. He had taken care of her when they were little, and even if he could be a real pain in the ass sometimes, he was the only relative she had. Finally, all of their friends; Octavia was sometimes saying she didn’t belonged anywhere, but that wasn’t true. She belonged with all of them. And now that Clarke was back in the group again, and their lives were going to get better with the new apartments and everything thanks to Lexa, she really wanted to share their everyday lives.

But Octavia knew well that, even if she would have loved spend her days in Arcadia, she would have internally exploded. She was never meant for a quiet life; she was a warrior, a fighter. She needed action; and Indra and her teammates needed her. She knew all of her friends understood why she had to be on that team, and they were supporting her; and this is what was making leaving a bit easier.

Bellamy finally exited the building, waving goodbye at someone. Octavia raised a brow; Bellamy had a tiny smile on his face, and Octavia knew that smile well.

“Who is it?” Octavia asked, her brow still up.

“Oh, her name’s Echo” Bellamy shrugged, “She’s the new recruit”.

“The new recruit, hmhm” Octavia falsely hummed.

“What?” Bellamy asked, sensing Octavia was making fun of him.

“Nothing” Octavia shook her shoulders, “Is she pretty, the new recruit...?” Octavia trailed off, struggling to keep her laugh at bay as Bellamy was rolling his eyes at her.

“I hate you” He grumped, beginning to walk away.

“You wish!” Octavia shouted back, laughing at her brother and jogging to catch up with him. 

* * *

 

Clarke had texted Raven to say that Lexa was home early and that she didn’t need to come over, so Raven was back in Arcadia, typing on Monty’s keyboard. She huffed; she couldn’t find any way in Azgeda servers.

She didn’t hear Monty coming back home, and didn’t see his surprised face when he spotted Raven messing with his computer.

“Raven?”

The girl jumped from her seat, causing her to fall of her chair. “The fuck, Monty?” Raven growled at her friends, massaging her now bruised body.

“I’m sorry” Monty said, “But why are you at _my_ desk? Don’t you have one at home?”

“Yeah, about that...” Raven trailed off, wondering if she should tell Monty about what she was working on. One part of her knew it would only put him at risk, and that would make two people having to hide things from Clarke. But the other part knew she wouldn’t achieve anything being on her own; she was a brilliant engineer, but her speciality was not computers. Monty was their geek genius; he was the best.

“Promise you won’t say a word about it?” Raven sighed, knowing it was in their best interest to tell everything to Monty.

“Not a word” Monty answered, now very curious to see what Raven was talking about. 

* * *

 

Clarke, Lexa and Ayden were in Clarke’s apartment in Arcadia, as they were going to have dinner with their friends tonight. When they arrived, Clarke had had the surprise to find her convocation for Finn’s trial, which would take place tomorrow afternoon. Lexa had taken the letter from Clarke’s hands, put it on the kitchen’s counter, and told Clarke that everything would be ok. Clarke had smiled and had kissed Lexa; reassured by the fact she was going to be there by her side to face him.

But Lexa was still nervous, as she was watching Ayden paint and Clarke complimenting him; she hadn’t forgotten about Clarke saying they needed to talk. Lexa then couldn’t wait anymore, so she got up and lightly poked Clarke in the shoulder.

“Clarke, can we talk?” Lexa asked with a tiny voice.

“Yes” Clarke breathed, kissing her son’s hair, “Keep painting honey”.

Ayden barely nodded, absorbed by his task.

Clarke gestured at Lexa to go in the bedroom where Ayden couldn’t hear them.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Lexa asked shyly, “Is everything ok?”

“Yes and no, Lexa” Clarke sighed. “Nia and I talked today. Well, _she_ talked”.

Lexa nodded, waiting for Clarke to elaborate. But Clarke didn’t continue, and instead looked at Lexa with curious eyes.

“What is my last name, Lexa?” Clarke asked again, surprising the Brunette.

“Griffin” Lexa said, sensing where the discussion was going and fearing the discussion would turn in a shouting match yet again, “But I swear I didn’t know and...”

“I know, Lexa” Clarke stopped her with a smile, “I’ve never told you my last name. When did you find out?”

“Raven blurted it this afternoon” Lexa said, now breathing a bit better knowing Clarke wasn’t mad.

“Typical Raven” Clarke smiled, making Lexa smile too. “But Nia said things to me, Lexa” Clarke spoke again, “Things I don’t if they are lies or truth, and I need you to be frank with me”.

“Always” Lexa said, frowning a bit because she knew well that Nia could say horrible things.

“Do you know what my name means? What it represents?” Clarke asked.

“I do” Lexa nodded. “Your fathers were leaders of Skaikru Company, a Company which no longer exists”.

Lexa didn’t waste time trying to explain things to Clarke; she was sensing the girl knew about that already.

“But my mother was a doctor. My father an engineer” Clarke stated, asking a hidden question.

“Skaikru was a secret company” Lexa explained, “working in spying tech, secret technologies and stuff like that. That’s probably why you haven’t heard about it before”.

Clarke nodded, trying to take Lexa’s words in. So Nia wasn’t telling lies.

“And the Company drowned when its influent people mysteriously disappeared or died” Clarke stated again, wanting to confirm everything Nia had said.

“Yes, that is correct” Lexa said, “But we have a theory. We think Azgeda is behind it. Skaikru would have been a great ally for Trikru and a true strength into the Coalition. But I think Nia wanted power, and she saw Skaikru as a threat”.

“You think Nia provoked Skaikru’s fall” Clarke said.

“Yes”.

“Lexa, Nia said you was going to use me because of my name” Clarke added.

“I would never!” Lexa protested, “I didn’t even know you were a Griffin when I...”

“Calm down Lexa” Clarke chuckled, taking Lexa’s hand in hers, “I wasn’t accusing you. I’m just telling you what she told me”.

Lexa took a deep breath to calm herself down.

“But why would she think you could use me for?” The Blonde asked.

“To bring Skaikru back to life” Lexa sighed, having to recognise Nia was clever. But she purposely avoided telling Clarke about the threat that might hang above her head and all of their friends’. It was something Lexa had to take care of, not Clarke’s responsibility to bear.

“Could I do that?” Clarke’s brows rose.

“You could” Lexa nodded, “You and all your friends. You are all Skaikru descendants, when we thought every each of Skaikru had died”.

“What? We are all Skaikru?” Clarke was even more surprised now.

“Yes” Lexa nodded again. “Clarke, you represent so much power and value right now, to anyone who knows what your name means” the Brunette continued, “You could lead an entire Company, if you wanted to”.

Clarke let go of Lexa’s hand to walk in circle, thinking hard. It was beginning to be a lot to take in, in a single day. First she was learning her mother and father had lied to her, her entire life, and then she was learning she could be some dead Company’s leader if she wanted to bring it back to life.

“Clarke, I know this must be a lot” Lexa calmly said, taking a step towards Clarke, “But you don’t have to do anything about it. I won’t ask you to do anything. You’re just _Clarke_ to me” Lexa added, showing Clarke that her legacy was not what mattered to Lexa.

“I know” Clarke whispered, burying herself in Lexa’s open arms.

“Tomorrow is Finn’s trial” Lexa said, running a hand along Clarke’s back, “Let’s put that behind you first, ok?”

“Behind _us_ ” Clarke corrected, looking up to smile at Lexa.

“Behind us” Lexa smiled back. They stayed silent a few minutes, content to hold each other.

“Clarke, about what Ayden said earlier...” Lexa began her voice full of insecurities.

Clarke looked up. Those were the moments Clarke cherished the more; when Lexa would show a bit of her brokenness, a bit of her own vulnerability, only for Clarke to see.

“He chose his words on his own, Lexa” Clarke murmured, kissing her behind the ear.

“But doesn’t it bother you?” the Brunette asked again, still murmuring.

“Nope. I chose you. Looks like he chose you, too” Clarke smiled before kissing Lexa on the lips.

The doorbell suddenly rang, interrupting them. Clarke removed herself from Lexa’s embrace and walked to the door.

“I’ll tell them to wait a few more minutes before we come down for dinner and...” Clarke said, thinking some of her friends were here to tell them dinner was ready. But Clarke froze when she opened the door and saw who was on the doorstep.

 “Hello, Clarke”, the person said.


	46. Family Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so here's another chapter! ;) thanks everyone who's keeping up with me :) I love your support, and don't worry I'm going to continue this fic, I'm very busy for the past few months but it's all going to be over in a month for the summer holidays so be patient :)

** Chapter 45 : Family Times **

_Song : Cool Blue by The Japanese House_

_“Clarke, about what Ayden said earlier...” Lexa began her voice full of insecurities._

_Clarke looked up. Those were the moments Clarke cherished the more; when Lexa would show a bit of her brokenness, a bit of her own vulnerability, only for Clarke to see._

_“He chose his words on his own, Lexa” Clarke murmured, kissing her behind the ear._

_“But doesn’t it bother you?” the Brunette asked again, still murmuring._

_“Nope. I chose you. Looks like he chose you, too” Clarke smiled before kissing Lexa on the lips._

_The doorbell suddenly rang, interrupting them. Clarke removed herself from Lexa’s embrace and walked to the door._

_“I’ll tell them to wait a few more minutes before we come down for dinner and...” Clarke said, thinking some of her friends were here to tell them dinner was ready. But Clarke froze when she opened the door and saw who was on the doorstep._

_“Hello, Clarke”, the person said._

Clarke was left frozen at the door. As Lexa was waiting for her, and as Clarke wasn’t coming back and not a noise was heard, Lexa got up to see what was going on.

Lexa froze too, seeing who was at the door. But contrary to Clarke, she quickly regained her composure. She protectively put an arm around Clarke, grounding her.

“Mrs Griffin” Lexa said with her formal voice.

Abby Griffin was surprised to see that the brunette knew her name. And what was she doing here, in her daughter’s apartment? 

“Who are you?” Abby eyed Lexa.

“You may not remember me” Lexa said, “But you may know my name. I’m Lexa Woods” Lexa introduced herself, holding a formal hand for Abby to shake.

Abby shook the hand, still not quite understanding what was going on. She knew the name of Lexa Woods, of course. She was Coalition Corp’s CEO, everyone knew that name. She knew Lexa would have lead Skaikru Company too, if it would have been still alive.

Clarke, next to Lexa, was livid. Her mother was here. Her mother had just rung to her door. And that couldn’t be good news. Clarke felt Lexa’s hold tighten a bit; just what Clarke needed for support. Lexa didn’t really know about Clarke’s relationship with her mother, but she knew all the delinquents had had problems with their fathers, and judging by the fear which was running through Clarke’s entire body, Clarke’s mother was no different than the rest of the parents.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” Clarke asked in a whisper.

“I heard about Finn” Abby began, looking at her daughter without an ounce of sympathy in her eyes, “What did you do to him?”

Lexa almost chocked with her saliva as Clarke was lowering her head. Her own mother had just presumed Clarke had been the one to mess with the douche-bag her ex-boyfriend was.

“I heard he’s in jail, what happened?” Abby continued, “Are you responsible for this? Did you...”

“That’s enough!” Lexa didn’t let Abby keep talking, “You don’t get to come ring at your daughter’s door coming out of nowhere to accuse her of things you don’t know about” Lexa said, her voice very cold as Clarke was trying to be impossibly closer to her, “So I am going to ask you to leave, now”.

Abby’s eyes shot open at the Brunette’s. “You have no right” Abby began to get angry, “And what are you doing in my daughter’s apartment anyways?”

Lexa’s blood was beginning to boil very hot. “I am Clarke’s girlfriend, who she happens to _live_ and _raise_ her son with” Lexa almost spitted to Abby’s face, “So you’re not welcome here. You know the way out of the building”.

And Lexa closed the door, locking it right after.

“You’ll hear about me!” Abby shouted from behind the door.

Clarke and Lexa waited for the noise of steps going down the stairs to relax a bit. Well, Lexa relaxed, but Clarke was as tense as she could possibly be.

Lexa ran her hands up and down Clarke’s arms to soothe her. “Clarke, talk to me” Lexa whispered, trying to look in her girlfriend’s eyes.

As Clarke wasn’t moving nor speaking, Lexa guided her to the bedroom and made her sat onto the bed. Then, she knelt in front of her, taking the Blonde’s hands in hers.

“Clarke, love, look at me” Lexa murmured, raising Clarke’s chin so they could look in each other’s eyes. Clarke finally made eye contact with Lexa. “Clarke, I once promised you I’ll protect you, both Ayden and you” Lexa gently said, “Even if I have to protect you from your own mother”.

And Clarke sighed, much to Lexa’s surprise. “I’m not afraid of what she might do to us” Clarke whispered, her voice shaking, “I’m afraid of what she might do to _you_ ”.

Lexa frowned; why would Abby do something to her?

“What do you mean?” Lexa asked, running her thumbs over the Blonde’s hands.

“My mother” Clarke whispered, “She can be... Very determined, sometimes” The Blonde sighed, “And don’t want something to happen to you”.

Lexa gently smiled, putting a hand on Clarke’s cheek, gently caressing the skin. “Clarke, I _love_ you. And for you, I would face anything. Even your mother” Lexa added while rolling her eyes, making Clarke chuckle.

“Come on, dry your tears” Lexa smiled to her girlfriend, “Your friends are waiting for us”.

Clarke quickly wiped her tears, looking into green eyes. Lexa gave her another genuine smile and got up as Clarke was catching her wrist to keep her from going. Lexa shot her an interrogating look.

“Thank you, Lexa” Clarke said, and Lexa understood Clarke was not thanking her only for tonight. Lexa smiled and hold her hand for Clarke to take. The Blonde linked their fingers together.

“Oh, and Clarke?”

“Yes?” The Blonde answered.

“Raven knows about all the Skaikru business” Lexa said, making Clarke widen her eyes a bit, “We will have to do something about it, soon”.

It was not a threat; it was a simple observation, now that people were starting to figure out Clarke and the group were Skaikru, they would need to do something about it.

“I know. After the trial” Clarke said.

“After the trial” Lexa nodded.

They smiled at each other as they made their way to the living-room where Ayden was still drawing with his tongue out, eyebrows crunched in concentration.

* * *

 

As soon as Octavia opened the door, Ayden was running into the apartment towards Anya, chatting with Harper and Monty.

“Aya!” He happily shouted, holding his arms so Anya could lift him.

To say that Anya was surprised was a euphemism. Clarke and Lexa were surprised as well; Ayden had not seen Anya _that_ much to react that way to the girl, but well, if Ayden was opening up to people, it was a great thing. Anya lifted the boy in her arms as Clarke and Lexa were saying hello to their friends.

“Hi Ayden, how are you?” Anya asked, not quite knowing what to do with the child.

“I am great!” He said with a big smile, “Are you great too?”

“Yes” Anya laughed at the boy’s enthusiasm.

“Aya, I have a question” Ayden then said with serious.

Anya frowned, and went to sit on the couch with the boy on his knees. “What is your question?”

“You are Yexa’s cousin, right?” He asked.

“Yes, I am” Anya answered, still frowning because she couldn’t see the point in the boy’s words.

“So why don’t you live with Yexa and Mommy and I?” The boy asked with a frown.

Anya took a few seconds to answer. “Because I have a home on my own”.

“But family lives together” Ayden stated, frowning even more.

“Not always, little man” Anya tried to explain, “Yexa lives with you and Clarke because she loves both of you very much” The older girl said, “You are a family, all three together. I am family too, but not at the same level. Do you understand?”

Ayden frowned even more. “Yexa and Mommy are family like Octavia and Lincoln?”

“Yes, like Octavia and Lincoln” Anya nodded, glad the boy had found a comparison.

“And you are family with Yexa like Octavia and Bellamy are family” He said again.

“Yes, kind of” Anya nodded again with a smile; it quickly fade when she saw that Ayden was looking a bit upset and sad.

“Ayden, what is it?” Anya gently asked, moving her hand through his hair.

“What if Mommy and Yexa don’t love each other anymore?” He asked with a voice near breaking, “Will Yexa and you not be family anymore?”

Anya’s heart broke, and she buried the boy in her embrace. _Something I thought I would never do, take a child in my arms,_ Anya said in her mind.

“Ayden” She gently whispered, “You will always be family to us. Lexa loves you; she was friend with you before being friend with your mommy, remember?”

Ayden nodded as he was sniffing.

“And _I_ will always be family to you too” Anya added in a tender voice she never thought she had, “Whether Lexa and Clarke love each other or not, ok?”

“Ok” He sniffed, grabbing Anya shirt in his fists, “I want Yexa now” he asked.

Anya nodded, and looked around in the room for his cousin. She caught her eyes and gestured at Lexa to come join her.

* * *

 

“Hi An” Lexa said with a smile, “How are you doing...” Lexa trailed off as her smile was fading at looking at the sniffing boy in Anya’s arms.

Lexa quickly sat next to her cousin as Ayden was throwing himself at her neck. Lexa shot Anya her questioning look as the older girl was gesturing to the boy; _ask him,_ Anya mouthed before leaving.

Lexa frowned as she began to draw circles on the boy’s back.

“Ayden, what is going on buddy?” She gently asked.

“Anya said you love my Mommy” He said.

“Yes” Lexa nodded, not understanding why it was making him sad, “Does it bother you?”

“Are you going to stop loving her?” Ayden asked instead of answering Lexa’s question.

Lexa was starting to understand what was upsetting the little boy. She made him sat properly on her knees so he could be face to face with her.

“Ayden, love is a complicated thing” Lexa started, “So we cannot know for sure what will happen in the future” Lexa stopped to make sure Ayden was following her. The boy surely was; he was wearing his _“focused”_ frown from whenever he was trying to figure something out.

“But I love your Mom very _very_ much, Ayden” Lexa spoke again, “And I want to love her forever and stay with her as long as she wants me in her life. I don’t plan on leaving anytime soon” Lexa added, “I love you _both_ too much for that. Do you understand?”

“So we will be family for a long time?” Ayden asked, his eyes beginning to be filled with hope instead of tears.

“For as long as possible” Lexa nodded with a smile. “Ayden, your mommy and yourself, you are the most precious thing in my life, and I love you both more than anything. I don’t want to leave you; I want the three of us to be a family forever”.

“So that means you kiss Mommy on the mouth?!” He shouted out of nowhere, his mouth and eyes fully widened.

Lexa busted into laughter, the emotional moment long gone. “Yes I do” She giggled, “You both changed my life, and I want to kiss the both of you everywhere” Lexa added, beginning to blow raspberries on Ayden’s face.

“Stop it Yexa!” He laughed, only to be tickled a second later by his mom. “Not you too Mommy!” He shouted as Clarke was watching Lexa with loving eyes.

“What?” Lexa smiled to her girlfriend.

“ _You_ are the one who saved our lives” Clarke truthfully answered, having heard the end of the conversation between Lexa and Ayden.

Lexa’s smile shook a bit as emotions were rolling inside her, and she leaned towards the Blonde to kiss her.

“That is gross!” Ayden said with a big smile as Lexa and Clarke were kissing, “Stop it!”

“I don’t want to stop” Lexa said with a cocky smile, much to Clarke’s surprise who was figuring out she loved that part of Lexa. Lexa leaned once more towards the Blonde as Ayden was trying to get off of Lexa’s knees.

“Stop it! It’s gross!” He giggled, and then shouted to Raven and Monty as they were coming into the apartment, “Rae! Yexa won’t stop kissing Mommy! Help me it’s gross!”

Raven made her way towards the couch a everyone was now watching the boy, “It is very gross indeed!” Raven said, quickly grabbing Ayden in her arms and running towards the kitchen, “Quick! We need to hide from all this grossness!”

Soon, everyone in the loft was laughing. Well, Anya was laughing less than the others; she had noticed Raven’s face’s expressions when she had taken the boy in her arms. The girl was in pain, and no one had noticed.

Anya corrected herself a few seconds later; Clarke was carefully watching Raven moving around with her son in her arms. Clarke had noticed Raven’s pain, too, and was apparently monitoring her for all sign of pain the girl couldn’t handle.

Anya was starting to get why Clarke seemed to be the leader of the group; she was watching everything, thinking of everything. More calm, more attentive to details, more selfless. She was putting the others first; and not only her son.

“Ok, dinner’s ready!” Bellamy said, gesturing for everybody to take a sit.

Only then Lexa noticed her cousin was _here._ As Anya was taking a sit between Lexa and Raven, Lexa leaned on her side to talk to Anya.

“Anya, what are you doing here?” Lexa whispered as she noticed the tiny blush on his cousin’s cheeks.

“Hum, Raven invited me?” Anya said in a sigh, well knowing she couldn’t hide it from Lexa anyway.

“Is that a question, or is it an answer?” Lexa kept going on teasing her older cousin.

“Shut up, will you?” Anya huffed, her voice still low as she was pretending Lexa wasn’t there. Lexa smiled and reported her attention to the food on her plate.

* * *

 

The evening keep going until it was late at night. Ayden was long asleep on Clarke’s knees, who was fighting with sleep too, Monty was yawning every second, Bellamy, Lincoln, Octavia and Lexa were engaged in a very deep conversation as Anya was trying to catch Raven’s attention.

The older Woods was sensing that something was off with Raven; the girl had barely looked at her the entire evening, as if she was purposely avoiding Anya’s stares.

Raven sat on a couch and Anya took it as her clue to approach the girl.

“Raven, is everything ok?” Anya asked, keeping her voice down.

“Yeah yeah” Raven shrugged off, “I’m just tired, that’s all”.

“Oh, okay” Anya answered, not knowing what else to say.

They stayed silent for a few minutes until Anya felt her hand being moved away from her own knee.

“You can hold me” Raven whispered, putting Anya’s arm behind her head and making herself comfortable against the girl’s body.

Anya was a bit surprised but didn’t lose time to put both her arms around the brunette. After all, they had kissed the day before. She guessed she could hold the girl; and if she was honest, she was totally fine to have Raven in her arms.

Lexa, who had finished her discussion with the others, came to sit next to Clarke and discreetly gestured to Anya and Raven holding each other.

“They are _so_ into each other” Clarke whispered as it was making Lexa smile.

“It certainly looks like it” Lexa hummed, putting her arms around Clarke’s torso.

It made Clarke smile, “Clingy, aren’t we?” the Blonde teased her girlfriend.

“Am not” Lexa pouted, but didn’t removed her arms.

“You sure are” Clarke stated, not with a smile on her face to show Lexa she didn’t mind one bit.

Lexa hummed, burying her nose into Clarke’s neck. Clarke rose her brows; Lexa was _clingy_ , more than usual.

Everyone was starting to get up to leave as it was late, so Clarke gently removed herself from Lexa’s arms, took the sleeping Ayden in her arms and got up. Lexa watched her with a frown, but then smiled as Clarke was holding her hand to get her up.

“Come on” Clarke gently said, “Let’s go home”.

Lexa nodded and rose to her feet, intertwining her fingers with Clarke’s.

“Goodbye everyone” Clarke said as Lincoln was getting up to bring them back home.

“Bye Clarke!” Octavia said with a smile.

“Hum Clarke, can I just talk to you for a second..?” Raven suddenly said, acting all shy. Clarke nodded, while she was surprised by Raven’s behaviour. It was not like the girl to be this shy.

Lexa took Ayden from Clarke’s arms and came downstairs to buck the boy in the car and wait for Clarke.

* * *

 

Clarke followed Raven into the kitchen. The Blonde watched as her friend was fidgeting with her shirt.

“Yes, Rae?” Clarke gently asked, knowing the girl probably needed a little push to start talking.

“Hum... Tomorrow it’s Finn’s trial” Raven started, not looking at Clarke.

Clarke shivered, knowing well it was. “Yes”.

“I just wanted you to know that...” Raven trailed off as she was searching for words. But as she didn’t finish her sentence, Clarke approached the girl.

“What is it, Rae?” Clarke asked again with a warm voice.

And then, to her surprise, Raven broke into tears. Clarke quickly buried the girl in her arms as Raven was sliding both her arms around Clarke’s shoulders, grounding them together.

“Rae, what is going on? Talk to me” Clarke whispered, tightening her embrace on her crying friend.

“I just... I am so sorry, Clarke” Raven hiccupped.

“What are you sorry for?” Clarke answered, frowning at the Brunette.

“I know him by heart, I should have figured it out” Raven explained, her sentence completely broken by the sobs she was now letting out.

“Oh Raven” Clarke murmured, her own tears threatening to fall, “None of this is your fault. No one could have seen it coming. You are a good friend, Rae, the best” Clarke added, drawing patterns on the girl’s back to calm her down.

“I love you...” Raven sobbed into Clarke’s neck.

“And I love you too” Clarke whispered, “Forever, no matter what. We are in this together, ok?” Clarke asked, knowing tomorrow would be as difficult for her as for Raven.

“Okay” Raven weakly nodded, her tears finally slowing down.

“Okay” Clarke repeated, breaking the embrace and wiping the remaining tears from Raven’s cheeks. “We are strong women. Nothing can tear us down”.

“Nothing can tear us down” Raven repeated, a weak smile growing in her face as her eyes was still a bit watery.

“We will get through this, I promise” Clarke murmured, both her hands on Raven’s shoulders, “And when it is over, we have serious business to talk about.”

Raven eyed her friend, pretending not to understand.

“Do not play fool with me Raven Reyes” Clarke chuckled, “I know you know”.

Raven’s eyes shot open. “I didn’t know you knew! How did you knew I knew?”

“Another talk for another day” Clarke winked at her friend, “Goodnight Raven”.

Raven smiled, happy to see Clarke didn’t appear to be mad at her, “Goodnight Clarke”.

They exchanged a last smile before Clarke was gone in the stairs.

* * *

 

Only then Raven noticed Anya standing not far from her, apparently not knowing what to do with herself.

“Hum, I think I’m going to go...” Anya trailed off once she finally had Raven’s attention.

Raven frowned. “No. Stay. Please..?”

Anya thought about it for a few seconds. She wasn’t doing this. She didn’t do this, usually. But then she looked at Raven again. _Fuck it._

“I’ll stay” Anya smiled to Raven, as Raven was smiling back and was taking Anya by the hand to go to her own apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will (FUCKING FINALLY) be Finn's trial!


	47. Finn's Trial

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PEOPLE I'M SO SORRY for the time I've been away. I was struggling with exams and work and stuff, and I didn't want to rush this story. 
> 
> BUT GOOD NEW, I'm in summer holidays now! i can begin to write more again ;)
> 
> Thanks for still reading me, don't forget you can find me on social media like instagram at "sixtineschmidt" if you want to talk about anything! 
> 
> I just want to tell you a few things before you begin to read the new chapter. First one, it's a very long one (so you can forgive me for the wait aha), and two it IS Finn's trial, although I know nothing about trials so I did what I could!

** Chapter 46 : Finn’s Trial **

_Song : Silver Moon by Roo Panes_

As Lexa stirred awake, she opened her eyes to find two blue eyes staring at her. She sleepily smiled, kissing the top of Clarke’s head before nuzzling her nose in her neck.

“Hello there” Clarke chuckled, amused by Lexa’s behaviour.

It only made Lexa tighten her embrace around Clarke, making the Blonde frown.

“Lexa. What is it?” Clarke asked, remembering the night before where Lexa had been more clingy than usual.

Clarke waited a few seconds before Lexa sighed and removed herself from Clarke’s neck.

“What if they tear us apart?” Lexa then asked, so low Clarke almost missed it.

“Who?” Clarke frowned even more.

“I don’t know” Lexa whispered, “The lawyers. The judges. Finn”.

Clarke brought Lexa closer, touched by the vulnerability Lexa was showing.

“The trial is for Finn” Clarke said, scared too, “This is not about _us,_ it’s about what Finn did to me”.

Lexa nodded, closing her eyes for a few more seconds. Then, Clarke slowly ran her hand on the Brunette’s arm.

“Will you be there...?” Clarke asked with a tiny voice, afraid of the answer.

“Of course I will” Lexa said firmly, opening her eyes once more. They smiled at each other, exchanged a chase kiss and got ready for the day.

* * *

 

In her bed, Raven was slowly awakening too. She turned around, and then frowned; someone was in her bed. That was weird as fuck; she never invited strangers into her apartment – for obvious reasons with the crew and everything -, let alone in her bed.

She rubbed her eyes, and they widened them. Anya. Anya laid there, asleep, next to her. Raven then put herself on her back, running a hand through her hair. Anya and she hadn’t had sex last night, but still, they had ended up sleeping in the same bed.

Well, not that Raven was surprised. Anya was super hot; and caring too, despite her trying to act like an ice wall. Raven remembered how Anya had helped her remove her brace, quickly massaging the leg in every right spot. And that was something; Raven had not let anyone touch her brace or/and leg, except for Clarke and sometimes Octavia. She didn’t like herself without the brace; it was making her look like an old person, unsteady on her feet, unable to move around properly. She didn’t like herself _with_ the brace either; making her obviously look like a crippled.

She felt the bed move a bit as Anya was waking up. Raven froze, unsure of what to do or how to act. But thankfully, Anya didn’t make it weird.

“Hey, Raven” Anya breathed, her eyes still closed.

Raven was surprised that Anya was able to tell if she was asleep or not. Again, she was not _that_ surprised; Anya was a sort of super top secret military ninja spy anyways.

“Hi” Raven breathed, suddenly very shy.

Anya cracked an eye open, an amused smile on her lips. “So you’re shy in the morning?”

Raven huffed, a smile still cracking her lips as she was turning around in the sheets with her back to Anya.

“Oh come on!” Anya laughed at Raven’s childish behaviour. She put an arm around Raven’s torso, initiating a hug.

Anya felt Raven freeze a bit, but waited for the girl to relax. As Raven was adjusting herself in Anya’s  arm, her numb leg came hitting Anya’s, and Raven jumped away.

“I’m sorry” Raven quickly said, “I understand if it’s....”

“Stop it, Raven” Anya interrupted her, “I don’t care about your leg. Well, I care” Anya said, bringing Raven back into her embrace, “But in a good way”.

Raven let the older girl put her arms back around her.

“Raven” Anya whispered, trying to gain her attention.

“Yes?” Raven hummed.

“You know I like you, right?”

Raven turned herself to face Anya, and put a hand on her jaw. “I guess...” She whispered.

It made Anya smile. “You don’t have to _guess_. You can be _sure_ ” Anya said, putting a loose strand of hair back behind Raven’s ear, “And I like all of you. With or without the brace, and I would like you even if you had only one leg”.

Raven nodded, suddenly burying her face into Anya’s neck. It wasn’t like any of them, to be this open and this sappy, as the both of them were always acting like tough women, but together, they were discovering a sort of tenderness with being together and they couldn’t bring themselves to care if they looked like sick love puppies. Anya had never expressed her feelings so openly before, but she was watching Raven acting all guarded, hiding behind walls, and Anya had only one wish; be the one to bring the walls down, and be allowed to see the beautiful girl she was sure was behind those walls.

After a while, Anya heard Raven sigh.

“What’s on your mind, genius girl?” Anya asked.

“It’s Finn’s trial today” Raven murmured. She knew it was probably not something she should talk about with Anya, but a part of her wanted to talk about it, to get it out of her system.

“Finn. The one who hurt Clarke” Anya stated more than asked.

“That’s the guy” Raven nodded, sadness in her voice Anya didn’t fail to notice.

Anya sensed that there was more to the story; Lexa had explained a bit of it to her, like why Clarke had been running from him, what he had done and what he had been to the rest of the group, but she had stayed light in her explanations, not wanting to say things that Raven or Clarke would want to say to her in person.

“He is part of your group, yes?” Anya asked.

“ _Was”_ Raven corrected, “He hurt Clarke. He hurt one of us, but mostly, he hurt Clarke. Clarke is untouchable. He committed the unforgivable crime, the one thing he won’t ever be forgiven for”.

Anya waited for Raven to continue, very intrigued with what Raven was saying.

“Clarke is...” Raven turned to be lying on her back, “Clarke is kind of our leader, you know? We don’t always agree with her, nor with some of the decisions she made, but in the end she always saved us. _Always._ She’s the one we couldn’t have live without, you see?”

Anya watched as Raven was explaining what Clarke was to the group. She was kind of in awe of the way Raven was speaking about her friend; wishing someone would talk about her that way, and especially discovering a side of the Blonde girl she didn’t know. To be honest, Anya had been kind of reticent towards Clarke first; but as she was getting used to the Blonde’s presence in her cousin’s life, she couldn’t stop herself from getting a liking to the girl.

“She has always been there” Raven continued, “For all of us. She helped Octavia get free of her brother, without them cutting their siblings’ bond. She helped the group get used to having Lincoln with us, and accepting him by Octavia’s side. She supported Octavia when she wanted to enter Indra’s team. She tempers Bellamy, keeps him from doing stupid things. She saved Maya in secret, Jasper’s girlfriend, and took every piece of shit he was throwing at her when he thought Maya was lost because of her, while she was secretly working to help her get out of her sect” Raven stopped to breathe, “ She brings out the good in people. She makes us better; she makes us _want_ to be better”.

Anya kissed Raven’s cheek, seeing that the girl was getting emotional, but didn’t dare interrupt her.

“She helped me. She helped me so much” Raven’s voice broke, and Anya tightened her hold on her. “She helped me get back on my feet; she helped me look at myself again and not give up on everything”.

Raven wiped a treacherous tear rolling on her cheek. “She bares every burden so we don’t have to. And Finn... Finn broke her”.

Raven finally stopped talking, silent tears falling freely on her face. Her chest was hurting; even if she had talked about Octavia about it, even if Clarke had said she would be all right in the end. Even if she knew no one except Finn was guilty for what happened to her best blonde friend. It became a bit too much, and Raven buried her face into Anya’s neck to stop the emotions from overpowering her mind.

“But Raven” Anya finally whispered, slowly stroking Raven’s hair, “Clarke is not _that_ broken. She’s still there, and she still cares for all of you”.

“Yes, I know she does” Raven sniffed, “But still”.

Anya hummed; she had watched Clarke interact with Lexa; the Blonde was getting better every day, and from what Anya had seen, she was a fighter.

Then, Raven chuckled, and Anya raised a brow at her.

“Wanna know how I met Clarke and the gang?” Raven asked with a lighter smile on her face.

Anya nodded, suddenly intrigued by this story she had never heard, relieved Raven wasn’t crying anymore. 

“When I was little, I had crappy fathers. Finn, the boy next door, helped me escape them when it was too much, or gave me food when I had not had a meal for three days” Raven sighed, seriousness back in her voice. “He saved my life. And as we grew up, we started dating”.

Anya put herself on her elbow, all ears.

“Then, he moved to Polis to go to Polis’ high school. I couldn’t follow him; no money of course” Raven snorted. “I didn’t hear a lot from him; I only knew the school was cool, and that he had a new group of friends who were really cool.”

“I stayed behind for a year, working in tech and science with a man named Sinclair after class. He kind of took me under his wing, and offered me scholarship to reward me of my good work with him. I said yes, and flew to Polis the next week” Raven explained.

“I didn’t tell Finn, of course. I wanted to surprise him. But when I got there...” Raven trailed off.

Anya waited patiently for Raven to be ready to talk again.

“When I got there, he was kissing a very pretty Blonde with eyes as blue as the sky” Raven finished her sentence.

“Clarke” Anya stated, beginning to understand where the story was going.

“Yes. Clarke. It wasn’t her fault, really; she didn’t know about me” Raven waved her hands in the air as she was speaking. “She stopped everything with him at the second she understood who I was. Finn got back with me, but... It was never the same after that. A year later and he was back at dating Clarke. We talked about it, of course. Clarke was cool. She told me that if I said so, she would never talk to him again and kick his ass” Raven said. “But I knew Finn; he was crazy in love with her, and I still wanted him to be happy. I wanted _them_ to be happy”.

“That’s how you met Clarke and the others. Because Finn cheated on you with her” Anya raised a brow, amused by this.

“Yes” Raven chuckled, “Funny, right?”

Anya nodded with a chuckle too. They stayed silent for a while, simply holding each other. Anya was feeling blessed by Raven’s confessions; she knew the girl wasn’t talkative, and in return, she was surprising herself by wanting to know more and more of this girl. And listening to people, it wasn’t really Anya’s stuff. Well, maybe she did listen to Lexa sometimes, but it was different. It was her only family.

Maybe Raven would become family, though. And when she thought of it, Anya noticed it wasn’t scaring her. She w _anted_ this.

* * *

 

Lexa and Clarke had just dropped Ayden at school when they headed for the tribunal. The ride was silent; it was not an uncomfortable one, but you could feel the fear and the apprehension in the air. The delinquents had all said they would be there, in the audience. Some of them, like Bellamy, would have to testify once more about what they knew, but the majority of them wanted to come just to support Clarke. 

Lexa parked the car - the first time she had taken Clarke on a ride – cut the power and took a deep breath.

“We are here” she whispered, as if it wasn’t obvious.

Clarke hummed, but did not make a move to get out of the car. Lexa figured she needed to go out first, to give Clarke courage, but as she reached for the door’s handle, Clarke grabbed her forearm, keeping her from opening the door.

“Wait!” Clarke blurted, before taking a deep inspiration. “I want you to know something”.

Lexa frowned; she didn’t like this, already seeing where it was going. “Clarke, don’t...”

“I need you to listen to me. Please...?” Clarke asked pleadingly.

Lexa nodded, her heart beginning to break even if Clarke hadn’t said a word yet.

“I want you to know that, even with all the shit around me, being with you...” Clarke trailed off, chuckling, “Lexa being with you for the past few months were the best months of my entire existence. I want you to remember that I love you” Clarke locked her sky blue eyes in forest green ones, “And that I’ll be yours. Whatever happens today. I’ll be yours forever”.

Lexa’s lower lips began to shake, touched by Clarke’s words. She didn’t like Clarke talking like this. Like this was going to end. Like something bad was going to happen and break us apart. She opened her mouth to answer to Clarke, but the Blonde’s phone suddenly rang, breaking the moment.

“Yes?” Clarke immediately answered.

“ _Clarke. We are all here. Are you there yet?”_ Octavia’s voice made itself heard in the car.

“Yes. I’ll be there in a couple of secs” Clarke said.

_“Okay. Oh, and Clarke?”_

“Yes?”

_“We are here with you. We love you.”_

Lexa watched as a sad smile took place of Clarke’s face.

“I know, O. Thank you.”

_“See you in a few”._

The call ended, and Clarke sighed. “Let’s go”, she then said, opening her door and getting out. Lexa followed her, of course, quickly grabbing Clarke’s hand as they were walking towards the entrance doors. She squeezed the Blonde’s hand, trying to pass every feeling she had for the girl, hoping Clarke would understand all the words she couldn’t manage to say at loud.

They entered into a big hall with stone walls and a very high ceiling. Clarke’s lawyer approached her, having talked to her a few times on the phone during the past week.

“Are you ready, Miss Griffin?” He asked.

Clarke nodded, squeezing Lexa’s hand.

“Don’t worry. He won’t get away with what he has done” the lawyer said. 

“I just want it to be over” Clarke whispered, eyes not focused on anything.

“I understand. Come on, let’s go”. Jackson, the lawyer, gestured for Clarke to follow him as Lexa had to go sit in the audience with the others.

“Just a minute, please” Clarke asked, and Jackson nodded, leaving them and going back into the room.

Once he was gone, Clarke turned herself towards Lexa, cupping her face with her hands. “I love you” Clarke whispered again the Brunette’s lips before kissing her. Lexa closed her eyes, felt the Blonde’s lips she loved so much on hers, and then felt Clarke pulling away. The next thing Lexa knew, she was opening her eyes and Clarke was nowhere to see. Lexa sighed, and went to meet the others.

* * *

 

In the big audience room, Clarke followed her lawyer, a bit impressed by the number of persons sitting here and the immensity of the room. She walked the aisle, earning small smiles from her friends as she passed by them. She noticed Anya was there, sitting next to Raven, and raised a discreet brow at the girl; who looked away, a tiny blush on her face. Clarke winked at Raven, happy for her. Jackson directed her to sit at a front table, and did everything she could not to panic when she saw Finn sitting at a similar table on the other side of the room.

The doors behind them quietly opened, and Clarke saw Lexa silently joining her friends on the benches.

The judge hit his desk with the little wood hammer, making Clarke jump and starting the trial.

“Alright” he said with a loud voice, “We are here to discuss the fate of this man, Finn Collins, in regards of his acts of violence against this woman, Clarke Griffin. Is that correct?”

Both lawyers nodded, as well as Clarke and Finn. Clarke knew how the procedure was. Trials, they all have been in some during their lives. Caught stealing food, or breaking stuff. They knew the formalities well.

“Mister Finn Collins is accused of domestic abuse, voluntary injuries on the person of his wife, and child abuse in regards of his son, Ayden Griffin-Collins. How do the accused plead?”

“Non-guilty, your Honor” The lawyer said, shocking the assembly. Finn couldn’t plead non-guilty for this. They had too much evidences of violence acts, how could he be this blind?

Even the judge had a surprised expression on his face, but said nothing.

“Very well” The judge sighed, already feeling like it wasn’t going to be an easy case, “Who wants to go first?”

Finn’s lawyer got up first. Clarke and Jackson had seen this coming; knowing Finn had very little chances to win, he would want to start talking first to discredit everything Clarke could say after him.

“Well then. I’m calling Finn Collins to take the stand” The judge said.

Clarke watched as Finn got up to go sit on the chair next to the judge; she didn’t miss the look he threw her, and it sent a cold shiver all the way down her spine.

“The victim, Miss Clarke Griffin, is accusing this man, Finn Collins, of domestic violence which lasted for several years against herself first, and then against their five-years-old boy Ayden Griffin-Collins.” The judge said, “You can proceed, Mister Cage”.

Cage, Clarke had learned, was the name of Finn’s lawyer. And from what Jackson had said, he was a vicious one.

“Mister Collins” Cage started, “Did you and Clarke fight over some things?”

“Yes” Finn said, “We had arguments”.

“Were those arguments violents?”

“ Well, yes, but only with words and because we often disagreed with each other” Finn explained.

“Mister Collins, your living situation was kind of complicated, yes?” Cage asked then.

Clarke saw Jackson frown; he didn’t understand where Cage was going.

“Yes, it is. We don’t have a lot of money, no fathers to help us. We manage on our own” Finn said, giving sad eyes Clarke was sure he was making to gain the audience’s pity.

“But still, you did what you could for your family, correct?”

“Yes. I bought a little house, so Ayden could grow up in more space than by living in a two-rooms apartment” Finn nodded.

“We can see you care about your family, Mister Collins” Cage said, “But would you have raised a hand on Clarke or Ayden when you had arguments?”

“No!” Finn said, “No, I... I love them, they are all I have” he finished his sentence, his voice breaking a bit at the end.

“We can all agree that this man” Cage pointed to Finn, “Cares a lot about his family. Do you believe him capable of laying a hand on his family? I do not”.

* * *

 

A few meters away, Lexa couldn’t take it anymore and rose to her feet to go hit the man. Thankfully, Raven and Anya were there to grab her by the arms and force her back into her chair before she did something stupid.

“Lexa” Raven whispered, “I hate this as much as you do. But you can’t make a scene here, okay?” Raven tried to cool Lexa off, “Let the justice do its role, he won’t get away with this”.

Lexa nodded, her teeth clenched, not taking her eyes off Clarke. Right now, she would have given everything to be by Clarke’s side, to be able to hold her hand.

 _Stay strong, Clarke,_ Lexa whispered in her head, wishing Clarke could hear her.

* * *

 

It was Jackson’s turn to ask questions. He got up, papers in his hand.

“Mister Collins, you met Clarke in high school, True or False?”

“True” Finn nodded.

“But when you started dating her, you were already in a relationship with Raven Reyes, True or False?”

Finn’s eyes’ brows rose, probably not expecting this question. “Well, true but...”

“So right from the start, you weren’t honest with her” Jackson said, and then turning towards the audience, “So you’ll understand my reticence over Mister Collins’ integrity”.

Finn opened his mouth to say something, but the look on the judge’s face made him rethink his decision and he closed his mouth without saying anything.

“Mister Collins, in the last year you took quite a habit to go to the pub to drink, true or false?”

“Not that much and...” Finn protested, before Jackson interrupted him.

“I have here the total amount of money you owe to the bar on the account you opened there” Jackson said, waving the long paper in the air, “So true or false Mister Collins?”

“True” Finn admitted.

“You were there almost every night, true or false?”

“True”.

Clarke could see Finn’s face fall as the questions were coming. He had understood he wouldn’t get away this time. Not one was backing him, this time. This time, he had gone too far.

“And while you were drinking yourself to oblivion almost every night – and I have the barman’s testimony to mark my words -, Clarke was home, taking care of your son, true or false?” Jackson asked again.

“True”.

“And during the day, as you were at work, Clarke was home taking care of your son, true or false?”

“True”.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, Mister Collins, but you weren’t home during the day – which I can understand, because of the job you have – neither were you home at night. Clarke was the only one in your couple to take care of your son, true or false?” Jackson asked again.

“But...” Finn tried to protest once again.

“True or false, Mister Collins?”

“True” he admitted, lowering his head in shame.

“So you’ll understand me when I say I have trouble believing you when you said you cared about your family; which you don’t do much, apparently” Jackson ended his sentence, watching for the judge’s reaction. 

* * *

 

In her chair, Clarke was beginning to have difficulties to stay calm. She was watching this man, whom she had loved so much not so long ago, lose control over himself. This man, she had made a child with. This man, she once thought she would stay with her whole life because it couldn’t be otherwise. This man, she didn’t recognize anymore. This man, she had grown to fear during this last year, at the point of running away from home with a five years old son. 

* * *

 

“Now, did you know alcohol messes with senses and emotions, Mister Collins?” Jackson began again.

“Yes, I do” Finn nodded.

“So, maybe it wasn’t in your intention to lay a hand on your girlfriend nor son” Jackson said, “But the pictures I have here...” He trailed off, showing the audience the pictures of Clarke’s bruised body, “The pictures don’t lie.”

The audience gasped as the pictures were showed.

* * *

 

Lexa gritted her teeth together not to cry. She had seen the bruises, the injuries on the Blonde’s body. She had treated them, she was the one who took the pictures. But still, it was wrecking her to see them again. Next to her, Octavia and Raven had big fat tears running down their faces; Anya had her teeth clenched too, and Lexa was glad her cousin was starting to feel part of the group too. The boys – Jasper, Monty, Murphy – looked all angry and sad at the same time. From behind, Lexa could see Clarke hanging down her head, maybe because of shame, maybe because of the pain the pictures were bringing up.

* * *

 

Jackson then gave the pictures to the judge, who gasped. Then, he turned to Finn.

“Did you see them? The pictures?” The judge asked.

Finn said no with his head, taking the pictures the judge was handing him. He took a look at them, and his eyes widened, quickly levelling his look towards Clarke. “I... I did this...?” He asked with a tiny voice.

It shocked Clarke; he was acting like he had no idea of what he had done.

“I’m calling Doctor Nyko to the stand” Jackson then said.

Finn went to sit down next to his lawyer, a new expression on his face. Confusion. Sadness. Regret.

Jackson asked Nyko a few questions about Clarke’s injuries, and how the doctor could tell that they were domestic violence’s injuries. It lasted something like ten minutes; ten minutes Clarke didn’t hear a word of. She was lost in her head; why was Finn behaving like he was only discovering the bruises on Clarke’s body? Why was he acting like he had just wake up from a dream and didn’t remember the last year of hell he had put Clarke through? Could it be possible that he had been so intoxicated with alcohol that he was forgetting everything the morning after? It wasn’t making any sense.

Lexa talked after, explaining how she had met Clarke in the park, her doubts about Clarke and Ayden being homeless, her giving Clarke her phone number, and then how she had received Ayden’s call for help. She painfully explained how she had heard some things break into the house before entering and hitting Finn to knock him off so he would let go of Clarke. She described the state Clarke was in, and what she had done after to help the girl. She even had to explain the first days of living with Clarke and Ayden, caring about her, her injuries and Ayden’s traumatised behaviour. How he had explained to her the big scar on his back, as Jackson was showing another picture of it. She also had to say that she had slowly fallen in love with Clarke, and was now in a relationship with her. Clarke heard all of this with only one ear, still lost in her thoughts. Cage asked a few questions to Lexa, but Lexa was well prepared and very smart; she dodged every one of them, not giving Cage anything to help Finn’s case.

“Clarke” Jackson said for the fourth time, finally snapping her back into reality, “You have to get up”.

Clarke weakly nodded, getting up and slowly walking towards the chair next to the judge. She could feel the dozens pair of eyes fixated on her. She sat down, and found Lexa’s eyes in the crowd, anchoring her. She saw Lexa nod at her; she took strength from it, and took a deep breath to get ready for the question.

“Clarke”, Jackson gently said, “When you were on the run you met Lexa, true or false?”

“True” Clarke said, smiling a little.

“But it wasn’t the first time you were on the run, was it?” Jackson asked again.

“No, it was not” Clarke confirmed with a tiny voice.

“Why was that?”

“Finn was... Becoming violent. Sometimes, he was so mad I was scared he would hurt Ayden. So when it happened, I was leaving for a couple of days, sometimes a week, to give him time to cool off” Clarke explained, struggling with her emotions.

“You could have left the first time, found a new home, found help. Why didn’t you?” Jackson asked even more gently. He knew how hard it was for Clarke, and he didn’t want to put her in a dark place with his questions.

“I was in love with him. He is the father of my child. Biologically, that is. We haven’t had an easy life, and I thought it was just a bad time” Clarke confessed.

“So you gave him a chance to be better. Multiples chances, even. True or false?”

“True”.

Then, Jackson turned towards the audience. “If Mister Finn Collins really cared about his family, he would have made the mistake once. Making mistakes is human, after all, even though being violent is no mistake. Long story short, if he had really cared about his family, he would have stopped going to the bar. He would have taken the chance to be better, the chance Clarke was giving him, to be better. But he didn’t” Jackson said. “I’m done with the questions”.

Clarke got up to go sit at her chair, and crossed looks with Finn again; it broke her heart. The man was devastated; maybe as much as Clarke was. And it was stirring something in Clarke’s body; confusion, mostly, but sadness. Sadness for the man in front of her, who lost control over his own life. Sadness because Finn made a mistake, once, for Clarke, and it messed up his life completely. Sadness because he was good. Finn was a good, caring boy, always acting like a peacemaker. And now, he was only the shadow of a Finn who once existed but now far long gone.

* * *

 

The judge hit the desk with the hammer again, to bring back the audience’s attention.

“I think we are all going to agree with the penance. Finn Collins, you’ll spend a certain amount of years in jail for the acts against Clarke Griffin. Clarke Griffin is granted full custody of Ayden Griffin-Collins” The judge announced.

“Mister Collins, you have a last chance to talk. Go ahead” the judge added as Finn was getting up for the cops to handcuff him.

They saw Finn took a deep breath as he turned himself towards Clarke. In her seat, the Blonde tensed.

“Clarke, my love” Finn said, his voice shivering, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, I didn’t remember”. His voice broke as he was trying the best he could not to cry.

“I’m sorry I became this man you can’t look in the eyes” Finn began again, “But I’ll be better now. Even if I don’t see you ever again. Either of you all” He added, turning towards the rest of the group. “I’ll go to therapy, that I promise. I’ll seek help”.

Clarke couldn’t move, couldn’t phrase a word. Finn was standing here, apologizing. It was not what she had been preparing herself for. Bellamy told her, though, that Finn had not had a drink since Kane had brought him to the Police station.

“Tell Ayden I’m sorry. Tell him... Tell him I wish I would have been the father he deserved. He is a good kid” Finn sadly smiled. He then turned towards Lexa.

“I’m glad you have her” He said, almost whispering, “I hope you’ll keep her around”.

Clarke felt the tears rolling down her face.

“I love you, Clarke. I’m sorry I messed you up. But I know you’re strong. You’ll get through this, I know that” Finn said, genuinely smiling at her with a tiny smile.

Clarke’s heart was constricting itself in her chest; _this_ was the Finn she knew. Maybe anger and alcohol really impacted him, for him to go from a violent man to the caring one they all knew he could be.

“Take care of them like you always do” He finished, “But let them take care of you, too”.

The float gates opened, and Clarke was now silently sobbing as the cops were leading Finn outside.  

* * *

 

Lexa watched as Finn slowly walked the aisle, leaded by the cops. They crossed looks;

“Thank you” He whispered lowly to her. She nodded in return, a bit surprised by him. She had never met him before, and right now she had trouble understanding how he could be the violent man who hurt Clarke that deeply.

He stopped in front of Raven as she touched his arm. Lexa watched as Anya was ready to jump at the tiniest move from Finn against Raven.

But Finn looked at Raven with caring eyes.

“I’m sorry you had to be the bad guy in this story, Finn” Raven murmured.

“I deserve it” Finn smiled. “We all have battle scars. Now, I’m going to go build a brace for mine, right?” He winked at her with sadness on her face, as Raven was remembering the time she had first said those words to him.

“Right” She nodded back with a tiny sad smile on her face too.

Finally, Finn was out of the room, and they all sighed deeply, feeling like they could breathe again. Raven leaned against Anya as the older girl put an arm around her shoulders to keep her steady and grounded.

* * *

 

Clarke didn’t register Finn get out of the room. She didn’t saw Lexa almost running to get to her.

“Clarke” she suddenly felt hands on her face. She levelled her eyes, and was met with shining green ones; those she loved so much.

“Hi there, beautiful girl” Lexa whispered with a smile on her face as Clarke was finally looking at her.

Clarke chuckled, tears in her eyes. She pressed her forehead against Lexa’s, taking deep breaths.

“It’s over” Clarke whispered.

“It’s over” Lexa nodded, slowly caressing the skin on Clarke’s forearms. “Let’s go home”.

“Home is whenever I’m with you” Clarke whispered against Lexa’s lips as the Brunette was kissing her.

Lexa rose to her feet, holding her hands and wiggling her fingers for Clarke to take them. The Blonde grabbed them and got up, letting Lexa lead her towards her friends. _Their_ friends.

Clarke smiled as she saw Raven and Anya hand in hand, Octavia in Lincoln’s arms, Emori and Murphy shoulder against shoulder, Maya and Jasper, Bellamy looking at all of them with protective eyes. Clarke smiled, because they would start living again. _Really_ living. And she couldn’t wait.

* * *

 

The evening went by in laughers and dinner with everyone. Ayden was happy that everyone seemed in a good mood, even though he didn’t really understand why. But his mother was smiling, Rae was laughing, Lexa was ruffling his hair every ten minutes and he was so glad for everything he spent the evening telling lame jokes and making weird faces to make them giggle.

* * *

 

A little before midnight, Clarke took Ayden on her knees.

“We are going to go to sleep, alright Ayden?”

Ayden nodded without protest, because he was getting tired. Clarke got up to say goodbye to their friends, and Ayden hold his arms for Lexa to take him since Clarke had put him back on his feet.

To say that Lexa was surprised was not exactly correct. She and Ayden had grown very close, but she was still a bit surprised every time he was reaching out to her for attention.

She lifted him in her arms and he immediately snuggled into her neck.

“You’re ok, little man?” Lexa gently asked, drawing circles on his back like she always did.

“yes” He yawned.

“Was school ok?” Lexa then asked.

“Yes! It was fun” Ayden smiled, grabbing Lexa shirt in her fist as his eyes were slowly closing themselves without permission.

Lexa chuckled as she saw Ayden trying to keep his eyes open, and went to see if Clarke was ready to leave.

Her cousin was still by Raven’s side, and it made Lexa smile. She knew she herself had trouble with dating and stuff – because of Costia, of course – but Anya was a lonely kind of person. She’d rather be alone than with someone, and it was funny to see that she’d rather be by Raven’s side instead of all alone.

Lexa saw Clarke smile at her, said goodbye and they went up the stairs to the flat. They tucked Ayden in bed together, as he was stirring awake.

“Mommy?” he asked as Clarke was getting ready to turn off the light.

“Yes, Ayden?” Clarke sat on his bed, and Lexa left the room. She knew it was probably a son-daughter conversation, so she went into the bathroom to get ready for the night.

“What happened today?”

Clarke’s eyes brows rose, surprised. “What?”

“Everyone was in a good mood. Why?” Ayden asked again with his five years old voice.

Clarke thought for a moment, trying to figure out if it was a good thing to tell Ayden the truth. Then, she decided it would; Ayden was part of the story, too.

“Today was Finn’s trial” Clarke began, “It is a thing where people were deciding if he should be punished for what he did to us. You understand?”

“Like when you don’t know if I’m going to be grounded for three days or four?”

“yes, kind of” Clarke smiled. “Ayden, you remember how Finn was always angry?” Clarke asked then.

“I don’t like him” Ayden murmured.

“I know” Clarke whispered, “But today, he wasn’t angry. He said some nice things”.

“Like when I was little, sometimes?”

“Yes”.

“Does it mean we are not going to see him again?” Ayden then asked, frowning.

Clarke was a bit confused, because she didn’t know if Ayden was upset about this perspective. “I don’t know. Maybe we’ll see him again someday, but right now he is going to be away a long time” Clarke tried her best to explain.

“Ok”. Ayden nodded.

“Ok?”

“Yes, ok. I want to live with Yexa. Can we do that?” Ayden asked, hope in his eyes.

“We are already living with Lexa, honey” Clarke chuckled at her son’s adorable face.

“I know that, Mommy” he rolled his eyes at her, “But I mean, forever”.

Clarke smiled again. “We will see about forever. Sleep well, big boy”.

She kissed the top of his head, got up and turned off the light.

“Mommy?” Ayden called her again just before she closed the door.

“Yes?”

“Do you love Yexa more than you loved Finn?” Clarke heard Ayden’s tiny voice ask from the other side of the room.

“Yes” Clarke said without hesitation, but love in her voice. “A lot more”.

“That’s good!” Ayden said with excitement, “I love Yexa a lot more too”.

Clarke smiled, and closed the door. She wiped the happy tear rolling down her cheek and went to the other bedroom to find Lexa in front of the mirror, taking her mascara off. As Clarke was watching Lexa get ready for bed, she was thinking about Ayden’s words; how Lexa had quickly become someone essential to them. How the girl was more a parent to Ayden than everyone else. How Clarke had found security in Lexa’s arms, love and care too. How she wasn’t afraid of everything anymore. How she could see herself be strong for her friends, without having to bear the burden alone, because she now had a shoulder to help her. How Lexa had always put Clarke’s and Ayden’s needs before her own. How she was looking for their happiness before hers.

* * *

 

Clarke knew about Costia; they hadn’t talked about everything yet, but Clarke knew it was a big step for Lexa too, to be _this_ involved with someone, and how it was sometimes frightening her, to let herself care so much about someone.

Clarke slid behind her, encircling her waist with her arms, burying her neck in Lexa’s neck as she was placing small kisses on the warm kiss.

“Clarke...?” Lexa stilled her movements, watching Clarke kiss her in the mirror. The Blonde was sending shivers over her all body, and Lexa turned around to face Clarke.

“I love you so much” Clarke whispered without stopping her kisses. She lightly pulled at Lexa’s collar to bring her to the bedroom.

Lexa let the Blonde lead her, as smooth fingers were unbuttoning her shirt.

“Clarke...” Lexa croaked again, feeling the hot breath on her neck.

“I just love you, so, _so_ much” Clarke whispered again, “And this time, I want to be the one to show you”.

Lexa shivered again, Clarke’s words resonating into her whole body, as Clarke was putting her shirt away, exposing Lexa’s perfect breasts for the Blonde to see.

Clarke attached her mouth to the curve between the breasts, tugging at the bra while she was working to get it off Lexa. When she had succeeded at unclasping it, she tossed it somewhere in the room, immediately sucking at a nipple.

Lexa moaned, feeling overwhelmed. “Clarke...” She only could whisper.

“Lexa, I want you to know that I am so glad, so glad I met you” Clarke murmured, playing with the nipple with her tongue, then kissing her way down towards Lexa’s belly button.

She put her hands on Lexa’s waistband, gently unbuttoning her pants and sliding them along Lexa’s legs.

“I am so grateful for you, to be able to love you” Clarke whispered, “To be _loved_ , by you”.

Lexa was left in only her panties, moaning under Clarke’s touch. Clarke was over-dressed, but did a quick job at undressing herself under Lexa’s heavy stare who couldn’t wait to have the Blonde’s hands on her body again, as she was craving her touch.

Clarke gently pushed Lexa towards the bed, laying her on it as she kept kissing her abdomen. Then, _finally,_ Clarke was left in the same state of undressing, and Lexa could only stare at the beauty she had in front of her eyes.

Lexa felt the sheets under her as Clarke was settling on top of her, her fingers slowly going down her panties. Lexa’s back arched as Clarke was removing the last item of clothing, slowly caressing every bit of skin she was uncovering.

Gently, Clarke circled her clit with her thumb, teasing Lexa a bit more.

“Clarke, please...” Lexa moaned, getting restless under Clarke’s ministrations.

Clarke then inserted a finger into Lexa’s folds, making the girl loudly moan again.

“Lexa, I love you” Clarke said again, “but you have to fully love me, too. Let yourself _feel_ the love”.

Lexa’s eyes shot open as a second finger was added, as she understood the implication under Clarke’s words. Costia. She needed to let Costia go. They were leaving Finn behind, and she needed to do the same with her past lover. Clarke could understand her. She had lost a lover too, in a way. But Clarke was ready to move on, fully move on with Lexa, and frankly? Maybe Lexa was ready to do so, too. Not maybe, actually. She _was_ feeling herself ready, for the first time since Costia died.

“I want you to heal, too” Clarke whispered, “I want you to smile again, at stupid things, and not only things I or Ayden do” She curled her fingers, “to laugh again”.

A tear rolled on Lexa’s cheek, completely overwhelmed.

“You’re the world to me” Clarke quickened the pace of her hand, trying to be extra-gentle, “And I know I’m your world, too. But you have to let go, Lexa” Clarke kissed her, breathing against her lips as Lexa’s respiration was becoming erratic, “Let go. I’ve got you”.

And Lexa saw them, the stars. A galaxy of stars, shining in a big blue night sky. She was feeling everything; Clarke’s touch, Clarke’s mouth, Clarke’s _love,_ as the Blonde was helping her ride her high.

Tears were falling from her eyes; Lexa wasn’t sure they were sad tears anymore. But Clarke was there, with her, and she felt the Blonde wipe them away as she was trying to regain her senses.

After a while, Lexa’s breath was back to normal, even if she was still crying. She grabbed Clarke’s body gently and buried herself into her girlfriend, crying big tears against the hot skin.

“I know, Lexa” Clarke gently whispered, caressing Lexa’s hair to soothe her, “I know. Let everything go. I’m right here”.

Lexa’s hold tightened a bit as she was letting herself feel for the first time in so long. The tears didn’t seem to decrease as she was crying for everything she had lost. For her parents, she had lost way too soon. For her uncle and aunt, Anya’s parents, she had lost too. For Costia. Costia, this beautiful woman, her lover from College. Costia, the first one Lexa had opened to, her first real friend. The one she had opened her heart to, and the first _human being_ she had let herself love.

And she had lost her, without warning, unfairly; her heart had shattered into thousands of pieces. And Lexa thought love was not for her.

But then, she had met Clarke. This beautiful, pretty blonde with shiny blue eyes, holding her head high even if she was in trouble. Lexa had fallen for her courage first, for her braveness. Then, she had fallen for the way she looked at her son; and later, the questioning glances she was throwing at her. Later, much later, she had fallen in love with Clarke’s whole body and soul.

Now, Clarke was in every vein, in every breath she took. And curiously, Lexa was finding she didn’t mind at all.

They stayed hours like this, not sleeping, only holding each other and taking strength from one another.

“Clarke?” Lexa then asked, almost whispering. If Clarke wasn’t laying that close to her, she would have missed it.

“Yes, Lexa?”

“I want to talk about it” Lexa whispered. “With you. I want to talk about her”.

Clarke nodded, smiling gently at Lexa. “Okay”.

“Not tonight. Tomorrow?”

“Whenever you’re ready” Clarke smiled again. Clarke knew Lexa had a lot of explaining to do about Costia, but she didn’t want to rush this. They had time.

“Clarke” Lexa murmured again, lifting her head so she could see Clarke’s eyes.

“Yes, my love” Clarke looked at her, her eyes full of tenderness.

“I love you too” Lexa’s voice shook, “I know maybe I don’t say it enough, and, and...”

Clarke ran a hand on Lexa’s face, soothing the emerald green eyes.

“I just _love_ you, Clarke” Lexa continued, “like, you know?”

“Yes” Clarke chuckled, “I know. I love you too”. Clarke was amused by Lexa’s emotional state; it was making her look like a very soft person, with her emotions clearly written in her whole body. It was showing her that maybe Lexa had been as afraid of the trial as Clarke had been. 

Lexa smiled as Clarke put a last kiss on her lips, and a few minutes later, they were both soundly asleep.


	48. Costia The Young Lover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, I'm back! This chapter is not really in the plot, but I felt like I needed to give you the story behind Costia's death and everything! If you read between the lines, you'll find clues for the next chapters... ;) 
> 
> Until next time!

Chapter 47 : Costia The Young Lover

_Song : Bad Blood by Sleeping At Last_

 

 

It was going to be a good day, Lexa could feel it. She was already awake, and was watching Clarke sleep. She carefully put a strand of hair back behind the Blonde’s ear so she could see her beautiful face better. Because really, Clarke _was_ beautiful. Lexa had to admit; she had not seen a lot of prettier women than Clarke. Costia had been pretty; that was true, with sparkling brown eyes and auburn wide curls and her childish smile.

But Clarke, Clarke... Clarke was beautiful. Mesmerizing. Her eyes, as blue as the sea, were captivating; so full of life, and Lexa wanted to drown in it. Clarke’s mysterious and cocky smile was the thing Lexa loved the most. Everything in Clarke, really. She had loved Costia, of course she had, with all her soul; but with Clarke, it was different. Even stronger. Like they were meant to be.

Clarke had awoken a few seconds earlier, and was watching Lexa lost in her thoughts. It was funny; and Lexa was so far gone she hadn’t noticed Clarke’s blue eyes focused on her.

Clarke ran a hand along the Brunette’s jaw, finally snapping her back in reality.  Lexa shyly hid her face in the crook of Clarke’s neck when she noticed Clarke fixing her.

Clarke laughed as Lexa was putting light kisses on her neck. “Where are you going, silly?”

Lexa looked up, a sincere smile on her face. Then, she remembered she had told Clarke about wanting to talk about Costia with her. She frowned, and Clarke noticed.

“Hey, Lexa” Clarke gently said, running a hand on Lexa’s face, “What is it?”

“I want to explain everything to you” Lexa confessed, “About her. I want you to know everything I know, I do, but...” Lexa trailed off. The truth was that Lexa was afraid of Clarke going away once Lexa would start talking about Costia. After all, it was her fault Costia had died; because Lexa hadn’t kept her safe. And what would Clarke think when Lexa would explain how much she cared for her dead lover? And right now, the one thing Lexa feared the most was Clarke leaving.

“Lexa” Clarke said, adjusting herself on her elbow, guessing what was upsetting Lexa, “I am ready to hear everything you want to tell me, anything, really” she smiled, “I won’t judge you, I promise” Clarke added, “I want to know about your past so we can think of our future” She explained with a kiss on Lexa’s cheek, “I love you, and I’ll still be there when you’ll be done talking”.

Lexa weakly nodded, tears gathering in her eyes. “Okay” She said, trying to steady her voice. “So, where to start?” She half-laughed, making Clarke smile.

“I met Costia in first year of College. She was in my math class, and she had trouble with it. As I was the best in class, the teacher asked me to help her” Lexa explained.

“Of course you were the best in math, nerd” Clarke joked, making Lexa smile and stuck her tongue out to the Blonde.

* * *

 

_“Lexa, maybe you could help Costia with the exercises?” The teacher suggests at their third lesson._

_Lexa nods; she is after all the best in this class so far and she will gladly help anyone with difficulties. Useless to add that she finds Costia very pretty, though._

_Costia gets up from her chair to sit in the one next to Lexa’s, dropping her books on the table with a big bang, startling Lexa a little. Of course, Lexa will not admit she is amused by Costia’s behaviour._

_“Hi, I’m Costia Leaf” Costia says with a charming smile, holding her hand for Lexa to shake._

_“Lexa Woods” Lexa answers back, shaking briefly the hand._

_“Woods? Do you have an older sister? My brother is friend with a Woods” Costia asks, interest clearly written in her eyes._

_Lexa is a bit surprised, but answers nonetheless. “No sister, but my cousin, yes. Anya Woods”._

_Costia hums and opens her book without asking any other questions. The teacher starts to explain an exercise, and Lexa is surprised when Costia writes down everything the teacher says without making any mistakes. Even Lexa can’t do it so correctly._

_Lexa finds it weird, so she pretends she has not seen a thing and focuses on the lesson the teacher is giving._

_A bit later, the teacher gives them another exercise to do on their own. Lexa quickly does it, of course, but is surprised that Costia has finished it as well. It was a tough exercise, this one._

_“You finished it?” Lexa asks, surprised._

_“Yeah” Costia says, as if it was a normal thing. But it is not, because she is supposed to have trouble with math. Right?_

_“Did you not need my help?” Lexa asks again, surprised even more._

_“What?” Costia says, as if she has no idea about what Lexa is talking about, and then widens her eyes, finally understanding, “Oh! No, I don’t need help in math, I’m the best at it” She shrugs her shoulders with a smirk, “I just wanted to talk to you” she winks at Lexa who almost blushes. Almost._

* * *

 

“She knew how to charm a lady, your Costia” Clarke said, a smirk on her face after Lexa told her how they met.

“Yes, she did” Lexa confirmed, smiling. “We grew close really quickly” Lexa started to explain again, “First loves, you know?”

* * *

 

_It’s been half a year since Costia and Lexa met. Lexa loves to spend time with Costia. She doesn’t really understand why, but it’s ok because Costia is really cool and kind and pretty. Sometimes, she dreams she’s kissing Costia on the lips, or hugging her at night. She did not say that to Costia, though._

_Their favourite place is under the bleachers, when the football players and cheerleaders are training. Costia always says it’s because she likes watching the cheerleaders train; she wants to become one, next year. Lexa thinks it’s cool, because she agrees with almost everything Costia does or says, but Lexa knows she’d rather play football than being a cheerleader. Costia says it’s ok, but it’s sad because there’s no football feminine team in their college._

_Today is no different. They are under the bleachers, eating their lunches, talking lightly and watching the athletes train. But then, Lexa feels like she is under someone’s stare; Costia is watching her with a weird expression, maybe like she is trying to read her mind._

_“What?” Lexa timidly asks._

_“Lexa, you know I am gay right?” Costia says._

_“Yes?” Lexa nods, but she doesn’t understand what Costia is talking about._

_“Do you know what that means?” Costia asks again._

_“Yes Costia” Lexa rolls her eyes playfully, “I’m not seven”._

_“So you know I like pretty girls like you...” Costia trails off._

_Lexa’s heart jumps suddenly in her chest, but she’s not sure why and she tries to hide it. Does this mean Costia finds her pretty? Does this mean Costia likes her, **likes** her? So she simply nods, waiting for Costia’s next move. _

_“What about you?” Costia asks as Lexa says nothing._

_“About me...?” Lexa is beginning to freak out a bit. She doesn’t know where it’s going, and she is afraid of misunderstandings._

_“Yes. What do you like?” Costia says, watching Lexa with the same weird expression._

_Lexa knows what she likes. **Who** she likes. But she’s afraid to say it out loud. But then, she sees something in Costia’s eyes. Love, maybe. Expectations, for sure. Hope. So she opens her mouth. _

_“I like **you** ” Lexa blurts out, out of nowhere. By reflex, she almost covers her mouth but keeps herself from doing so at the last second. She doesn’t want Costia to think she didn’t mean the words. _

_Lexa watches as Costia’s face discreetly lights up. After all, maybe it was the answer Costia wanted to hear._

_“So, what are you waiting for?” Costia asks with a half-smile, cocking her head to the side._

_Lexa doesn’t think; she puts both her hands on Costia’s face, and kisses her on the lips. It turned out to them dating all through college._

* * *

 

“You were a baby gay!” Clarke explained, laughing at Lexa.

“Was not!” Lexa protested, nudging Clarke in the shoulder.

“Come on, you totally were” Clarke smirked.

Lexa huffed, admitting she kind of was. “Yeah, well, maybe.”

Clarke smiled at Lexa’s behaviour, and adjusts herself. “So, what happened next?”

“Well” Lexa said, putting herself on her back, “We dated all through college. A few fights – like that time she thought I’d rather date a guy –“ Lexa chuckled, “But otherwise, everything went smoothly. I never met her family, though” Lexa said. “Her mother was unknown, her father had died before we met, and her stepmother sounded like a terrible woman, whom Costia hated. Her brother, who she was close to in first year of college, moved away from his own mother and never came back”.

“Did they not had the same mother?” Clarke asked, not sure to understand.

“No. He was her stepbrother. Same father, different mothers” Lexa said, telling Clarke what she knew.

“We graduated college together” Lexa continued, “And moved in together, in Polis”.

“Were you already CEO then?” Clarke asked.

“Yeah” Lexa nodded, “I became CEO at eighteen, but I was only doing a part-time thing with it, as I was in college” Lexa explained. “I fully became CEO after graduating. It caused a few troubles of course, especially with Nia who wanted my place, but Costia and I were able to dodge every attack she would throw at us, and Costia was supportive of me, so it was ok”.

Clarke hummed, showing Lexa she had understood.

“We started a life together” Lexa confessed with a small voice, nostalgia filling her voice, “and we quickly settled into our new life. Maybe too quickly”.

Clarke said nothing; she was waiting for Lexa to talk, whenever she would be ready too. She knew it was a difficult thing to talk about, and she didn’t want to rush Lexa into it.

“I was busy, so _so_ busy” Lexa continued, “and she was too, with her new job and everything, but I was.. Not there, for her, for us” Lexa’s voice was almost a whisper now. “We didn’t see it coming, and soon, we were barely talking to each other, or even _seeing_ each other. I didn’t notice” Lexa’s voice almost broke, “And I was so busy I didn’t think about it, but it was hurting Costia”.

Lexa took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. She relaxed when she felt Clarke’s hand on her forearm. Clarke was here. She was not alone.

“I was always leaving very early, coming home super late. She was eating on her own, living on her own. And it was eating her alive” Lexa murmured. She still blamed herself for this; to not have seen it coming, to not having understood her lover’s pain, to be the one who made her college lover feel this way. For everything that went wrong after it.

“I was causing her so much pain, but because she loved me, she never said a thing” the Brunette whispered, “Until she couldn’t take it anymore”.

Lexa made a pause, and Clarke stopped breathing. This was it. Lexa was going to tell her how things ended.

“One night, I, hum, I came home super late even though I had promised her to come home early” Lexa started.

* * *

 

_Lexa pushes the door open, sighing when she thinks about her day. She’s so tired she even considers going to bed without eating._

_But as she puts her briefcase on the ground, she frowns. It smells like candles’ smoke, and she notices the little lights all over the place, the roses in a vase, the lonely plate on the table with food which looks cold. She takes her coat off, and walks into the apartment, looking for Costia._

_“Costia?” Lexa calls, before stopping when she spots her lover on the couch, cheeks strained with tears and eyes so red Lexa wonders if Costia can see anything at all._

_“Costia...?” Lexa asks again, very confused and her heart breaking at the sight of her girlfriend crying her eyes out._

_But what scares Lexa the most is the determination in Costia’s eyes, the acceptance. “Costia, talk to me” Lexa whispers, sitting next to her on the couch._

_But as she goes to take Costia’s hand in hers, Costia withdraws her hand, breaking Lexa’s heart a bit more._

_“Now, you want to talk” Costia chuckles sadly._

_“I don’t understand...” Lexa is lost; she had no idea why Costia is like this, and why she looks so sad._

_“You don’t remember, do you?” Costia asks, a pained expression clearly written on her face. “You forgot.”_

_Lexa frowns, because she doesn’t see what she could have forgotten. Costia didn’t ask her to bring groceries supplies. It’s Thursday, so it’s not “ice-cream in the park sitting on their bench” day.  It’s Thursday, the 22th of February so... And Lexa’s eyes widen. It’s their first kiss anniversary. The day they first dated. They celebrate it each year._

_“Yeah, it’s our anniversary Lexa” Costia confirms, seeing that Lexa has understood. “You promised you would be home early. When you said yes to me this morning, I thought you knew why”._

_Lexa doesn’t know what to say. She has no excuses. “Costia, I am so, so sorry...” She tries, but Costia stops her quickly._

_“That’s the thing, Lexa” The brown-eyed woman says, “You’re always sorry. I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to be_ there, _with me. You realise we have not had a meal together for almost three weeks, right?”_

_Lexa opens her mouth to protest, but then she realises it’s true. The last time they ate together was when Anya was there. It was three weeks ago indeed, and it was not only the both of us. Once again, she’s sorry._

_“Costia...”_

_“Lexa, are you not in love with me anymore?” Costia breaks into tears again, asking the question which consumes her mind for a couple of months._

_“What? Of course I am in love with you!” Lexa jumps to catch Costia’s hands, “I love you, with all my heart, with all my soul, you know I do” She whispers._

_Lexa is clueless. She has no idea what to say, what to do. She doesn’t know what Costia thinks, what she needs._

_“So why are you never home with me?” Costia cries even more._

_“Costia, I’m sorry, I’m very busy at work, I do not see time passing by and...” Lexa tries to justify herself, but she’s cut off._

_“But you_ should _! Lexa you should look up to the time to come home to me! You should find your day endless, You should only want one thing, to go home!” Costia raises her voice, getting very upset and frustrated. It’s not totally against Lexa because she knows her job asks a lot of her, but still, it hurts her so much that Lexa is this oblivious._

_“But I...”_

_“It’s like your job is more important to you than me!” Costia says again._

_Lexa flinches. “It’s not fair, Costia, you know I didn’t want the job! Do you think I wanted to inherit of twelve companies? I never asked for it and you know that!” Lexa raises her voice too._

_“So why did you accept it?” Costia answers back, putting distance between herself and Lexa, “Why did you?”_

_“I...” But Lexa stops, because she hasn’t a proper answer. She took the job because it was her responsibility._

_“I could understand if you loved your job, Lexa, as I understand  that you feel like you_ have _to do it” Costia says, her voice way calmer, “But you should love_ me _more. You should be focused on_ me, _first”._

_“Costia, don’t...” Lexa barely whispers, sensing what Costia is going to do. She has a bad feeling. And Lexa’s instinct never fails._

_Costia gets up, wiping her face with her hands. “I think we need time apart, Lexa” her voice breaks, “To figure out what is more important for us”._

_Costia grabs her coats and half-puts her shoes on, while Lexa cannot think about what to say, what to do._

_“Costia, please...” Lexa gets up too, heading towards Costia to keep her from going._

_“I know you love me” Costia says, barely getting the words out, “But loving someone isn’t enough. You have to actually show it to the other one, Lexa”._

_Costia waits for an answer, who doesn’t come. So she opens the door, and goes out in the dark, rainy and cold night._

_It takes Lexa only the bang of the closed door to understand that she made the biggest mistake ever._

_“I love you!” Lexa shouts to no one, before falling to her knees, her body ravaged with sobs._

* * *

 

Lexa had buried her head into Clarke’s body, as if she was trying to shield herself.

“That’s the last words I said to her. And she didn’t even heard them” Clarke heard Lexa whisper against her skin.

“Costia saying you need to show the love instead of just “loving”. Is it why you were scared of not telling me you love me enough?” Clarke asked instead.

She felt Lexa nod in her neck, and began drawing circles on her back, as Lexa had done so many times for her.

“Costia ran away in the night. I had no idea where she was, but as she had a lot of friends in Polis, I figured she would go sleep at someone’s place” Lexa began talking again. “I didn’t worry when I heard nothing from her, the whole night. I didn’t even worry for her in the morning. Well” Lexa corrected, “I was worried about where she was, but I thought she just didn’t want to tell me, which I could understand”.

Lexa moved a bit so Clarke could hear her better.

“They called me later, the next day. The police. To tell me they had found her body. She had been kidnapped in the night, and probably tortured” Lexa dropped.

Clarke didn’t move, and watched Lexa very carefully.

“I didn’t want to believe them, but I knew. Deep down, I knew she was gone” Lexa murmurs, tears gathering in her eyes.

Clarke tightened her hold on her, no knowing what else she could do, because really, there was nothing to be done.

 “Once I saw her body to identify her, her beautiful now bruised and torn body, I knew Nia was responsible. And I...” Lexa stopped, trying to steady her voice, “And I turned everything off. My emotions, my sensibility. I pushed everyone away. Even Anya, but well, she still stayed by my side” Lexa said.

“Nia did this?” Clarke asked.

“Yes. I couldn’t find any proof, though” Lexa explained, “But I know she did it. I know she ordered it. Love is weakness, and that she proved to me by using Costia to get to me”.

Clarke shifted in the bed so she could be face to face with Lexa. “Do you really believe love is weakness?”

“I did” Lexa confessed, getting the words out in a whisper, “But not anymore”.

Lexa focused on Clarke’s blue eyes as Clarke was analysing the green eyes. “Your love, Clarke, is strength. It could never be weakness”.

Clarke smiled, caressing Lexa’s cheek as gently as she could.

“And even if you die” Lexa whispers, “You wouldn’t be my weakness. You’d still be my strength”.

“I won’t die” Clarke said back, trying to reassure her.

“Good. Because you’re not allowed to” Lexa whispers, a tiny smile escaping her lips.

Clarke smiled back, and closed the gap between them to kiss her lover on the lips. That’s the time little Ayden chose to burst into the room and jump onto the girls, yelling his lungs out.

“WAKE UP MOMMIES! IT’S BREAKFAST TIME!”

They both laughed, hugging the little man. Lexa thought about everything she had told Clarke. She was glad she had opened up to her.

And now, she was ready to let Costia go. She would never forget her. The past was past, and the dead were physically gone, but Ayden and Clarke... Those two were fully alive.

And Lexa wanted to fully live with them.


	49. How To Be A Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey amazing people, here's another chapter! I hope you'll like it, it's pretty much a fluff one, without angst, so enjoy!! 
> 
> I want to add that I'm super glad and thankful to all of you who read and review my story. It really means a lot to me, and I'm always happy to see that some of you really love my work. 
> 
> You keep me going, so a big thank you!

** Chapter 48 : How To Be A Family  **

_Song : Holy Ground By BANNERS_

Lexa, Clarke and Ayden had had breakfast together, the whole meal punctuated by stupid jokes and laughs. Even with the heavy discussion Clarke and Lexa had had an hour ago, Lexa was happy; free, even. She was feeling like it was a new beginning, both for her and Clarke. That they could move on, together, and start something together; not forget about the past, of course, but rather write the present and the future they wanted to have.

But clock was ticking, and as much as Lexa wanted to stay with Clarke and the cute little boy, she knew she had to hurry not to be late at work –again.

Clarke was watching Lexa with attention; making sure she was ok, after the talk they had. She knew Lexa was strong, maybe the strongest person she had ever met; but still, she couldn’t imagine the pain Lexa could feel, thinking about Costia. Clarke wanted Lexa to heal; and she wanted to heal from her own wounds too, by Lexa’s side. Now, it was not only Lexa helping Clarke; it was both girls leaning on each other to deal with tough stuffs. And Clarke was glad, _so_ glad to have Lexa; to have crossed paths with her when she needed someone to help her, and she was so grateful for Lexa not to have given up when Clarke refused her help the few first times.

So Clarke was there, standing in the living-room, watching Lexa with tender eyes. Of course, Lexa noticed; she too couldn’t _not_ look at Clarke for more than a few seconds. It was kind of their thing to make sure the other one was there, and that none of this was a mad dream.

“What?” Lexa chuckled when she saw Clarke looking at her with such a look.

“I love you” Clarke simply said, flashing a dimple to Lexa, making the Brunette blush.

Clarke laughed – she could not _not_ laugh at Lexa’s shy side – as Lexa was sticking her tongue out, not without saying “I love you too” back.

Lexa ran into their room to change for work; she didn’t want to waste a single second doing something else than playing and laughing with Ayden and Clarke.

Ayden was explaining some fire-fighters stuff Raven had told him to his mother when he noticed Lexa all dressed up, making him stop talking as a big frown was growing on his face.

“Where you going, Yexa?” He asked, visibly already upset with the answer he knew he would have.

“I have to go to work, bud” Lexa said, kneeling by him so he wouldn’t have to raise his head and hurt his neck to look at her. Ayden being five, he always needed a lot of explanations, and the girls were trying their best to explain everything he wanted to know.

“No you don’t” He protested with a tiny voice, “You can stay with me? Look, you can take this car” he said, handing a blue truck to Lexa, “I’ll take the fire-fighter truck and Mommy can take the yellow cab and then we can all play together” He concluded, trying to be sure of himself, but failing. “Right, Yexa?”

Lexa looked at him with a sad smile, and then turned herself towards Clarke, silently asking about what she should say or do. But the Blonde only waved at Lexa, encouraging her to say whatever she wanted to say to Ayden to comfort him.

So Lexa sat by his side, careful not to crumple her shirt. “Ayden, you know how we need money every time we want to buy stuff to eat? Or toys? Or clothes?”

Ayden nodded, his lips already beginning to shake with sadness, Lexa’s heart breaking in the process.

“But money doesn’t come in our wallets with magic, we have to go to work to earn it. You understand?” Lexa asked again, trying to explain to him why it was important. “I am going to work every day so I can have money to buy food for you and your mommy, or go to the water park, or go see the animals at the zoo” Lexa explained. “I am not leaving the house because I don’t want to be with you. I am leaving because I _need_ to. You understand?”

“So you want to play with me?” Ayden asked, a single tear rolling on his cheek.

“Yes, bud, I wish I could stay here all day to play with you” Lexa smiled to him, wiping his cheek. “But I have to go to work, and you, young boy” Lexa tickled him, “you have to go to school, so you can have a job later, like me!”

“Stop Yexa, stop!” Ayden laughed, rolling on the floor as Lexa was tickling his sides.

Once he stopped laughing, Lexa put her serious face again. “I love you, Ayden. You know that, right?”

Ayden nodded, sure this time. “I know” He said back with a big smile, before throwing himself at Lexa’s neck to hug her, before his eyes widened when he remembered something Lexa had said.

“Yexa! I have to go to school or we won’t have money! Mommy, quick! Clothes! I have to go to school!” He shrieked, suddenly in panic.

Clarke and Lexa busted in laughers as Clarke was being dragged into the kid’s bedroom looking for clothes.

“Yexa! You wait to leave! I come with you!” Ayden shouted as Clarke was trying to put clothes on him.

Lexa chuckled, watching him hurry himself to be hurry, even if it was early and he still had a lot of time before school time. This was why they had agreed with Clarke being the one to drop Ayden at school in the morning, because it was only starting at 9; Lexa needed to be in her office way earlier than this.

But it was 8, and one crossed look with Clarke was enough to agree that Lexa could drop Ayden at school today.

“I’m ready!” Ayden shouted, coming back into the living-room, almost falling as he was running to Lexa.

“Slow down speedy boy” Clarke chuckled, “You forgot your bag”.

Ayden blushed, going back to Clarke to take his backpack.

“Lexa, I didn’t have time to make him lunch so maybe you could stop by...” Clarke said, but was interrupted by Lexa.

“You know what Ayden? What about we have a worker lunch together, today?” She asked the boy.

Of course, Ayden’s eyes widened with excitement. “Yes!”

Lexa smiled fondly at the boy; and Clarke fell in love with her even more. The Brunette got close to Clarke to peck her lips before going. “You can spend the day with Raven, as I will take care of Ayden today” Lexa said, smiling to her girlfriend. “Go pick him up at four though”.

“Yes, m’am!” Clarke laughed, kissing Lexa.

“Stop it, mommies!” Ayden pouted, clinging to the Brunette’s hand to make her move, “Come on, we are going to be late!”

Lexa froze a few seconds, having heard Ayden say “mommies” for only the second or third time. She caught Clarke’s look, and saw that she was totally ok with it. Lexa threw the Blonde a last smile, whispered an “I love you”, and closed the door with Ayden’s warm palm in her hand, heading for the school.

Clarke stayed still for a few seconds, a fond smile on her lips, and took her phone out of her pocket to text Raven.

* * *

 

Anya was slowly awakening, as the few last mornings, by Raven’s side. They hadn’t done anything yet; they weren’t even official to their friends, and they had exchanged only a few kisses, there and here. Truth was, Anya didn’t really know where they were, _what_ they were; and it was starting to stress her out.

She put herself on her elbow, looking at Raven’s cute sleeping face. The Brunette was so calm when she was sleeping, Anya couldn’t almost believe it was the same Raven as the _not sleeping_ one. Anya knew Raven had had a tough life, she knew that all of their friends had been in delicate situations; and she couldn’t wait to learn more. She wanted to know everything she could know; not because she was a spy and it was in her blood, but because she wanted to know what Raven had gone through, what could trigger the girl, make her happy, or make her sad.

And if Anya was really, _really_ honest with herself, she would confess she wanted what Lexa and Clarke had. This complicity, this light they were bringing in each other’s lives. Anya had never been one for relationships, but now, she was finding herself wanting to love, and to _be_ loved. And perhaps, perhaps Raven was the one making her feel this way.

But her dreaming thoughts were interrupted when Raven’s phone buzzed on the night stand, making the girl turn in the bed, grunting.

Raven took her phone as Anya was intrigued by the app Raven was on.

“Hey, Raven” Anya murmured, not wanting to break the quiet off the room.

“Yeah?” Raven hummed, reading the text Clarke had just sent her.

“What it is?” Anya gestured to the phone.

“It’s... A phone?” Raven raised her eyebrow, not sure to understand Anya’s question.

“Of course it’s a phone” Anya huffed playfully, “I meant this. This app. It looks like a spy thing”

“Oh” Raven said. She thought for a few seconds, considering whether or not she should tell Anya about the secret app. Then, she decided she could; Clarke had probably already told Lexa anyways.

Anya had guessed it was kind of a secret as she was watching Raven think hard inside her brain. So she waited for Raven to take a decision; she was really curious, but she wouldn’t push Raven to explain if she didn’t want it.

“It is indeed a secret app” Raven finally said, turning so Anya could see the phone better. “I invented it. With Monty. We needed it because...” Raven trailed off. She wasn’t ready to tell Anya about the reason why they needed this app. The night where Finn had gone mad.

“So we could communicate with each other better” Raven said instead. “It works like this. Every one’s phone in sending a location to the app, so we can always know where each of us is”.

“But it’s violating private life” Anya frowned.

“Yes, and no” Raven said. “We cannot see the location like this; it is only for emergencies. See; to access Clarke’s location, for example, we need to enter four different codes; each of us has one, it is a secret and no one knows about it, except the one with the code.”

“So you have a secret code of four numbers, that no one knows?” Anya asked, to be sure she understood well what Raven was explaining.

“Yeah” Raven nodded. “In case of emergencies, four of us have to agree to use it to find the missing person. But there’s a catch; when the phone is turned off, the location is inactive. So after... Some situation” Raven explained instead, “We promised each other to never turn off our phones”.

Anya hummed to show Raven she was following her explanations.

“But we can also send our location to the group, when we’re feeling unsafe and that you need rescue or something” Raven added. “There’s also a code system, to say how dangerous the situation is. It goes from one to five, one being a small concern and five being a death situation... Or an already dead person” Raven murmured the end of the sentence, remembering when they had used the code for the death of one of their friends.

“It’s a huge communication thing” Anya raised her brows, clearly interested by the device.

“It is” Raven agreed. “We also have a group chat, so we can have one conversation together, and it does a few others things too”.

Raven got up. “But I’ll talk about it later. I have to meet up with Clarke”.

Anya got up too. “What about?”

“About what I discovered about...” Raven stopped herself before telling Anya she had done researches with Monty behind her back, “About this new restaurant place” Raven quickly added, hurrying herself to get dressed.

Anya raised her brows again, finding Raven’s behaviour weird, but said nothing. She got dressed up too, and left the place to go to work, saying Raven they would meet later in the day.

* * *

 

On their way to the school, Ayden was proudly walking by Lexa’s side, trying to look as bossy as she did, his tiny hand in hers. Lexa was kind of proudly walking too; he was not _her_ kid, but it sure felt like it, and she was thrilled to bring him school on her own. Of course she was happy because it meant Clarke trusted her with him, but mostly because the boy had _wanted_ Lexa to be the one dropping him at school today.

“Yexa?” Ayden asked, jogtrotting next to Lexa, trying to follow her big steps.

“Ayden?” Lexa said back, looking down to the boy and slowing her pace, noticing he had trouble following her.

“You and mommy love each other” He stated.

Lexa hummed, waiting for him to develop whatever was on his mind.

“And Zoe’s parents love each other, too” Ayden said again.

“Who’s Zoe?” Lexa asked, not having heard of any Zoe in their circle of friends.

“Zoe’s my friend!” Ayden exclaimed, a bright smile suddenly lighting his face, “She’s super cool!”

Lexa chuckled.

“So, Zoe’s parents love each other” Ayden said again in all seriousness. “And Zoe said they make a real family because they are married together”.

Lexa tensed and slowed down; she had an idea of where the conversation was heading, and they were almost at the school; she didn’t want Ayden to go to class without having an answer to his question.

“So, I have a question” Ayden raised his chin to look at Lexa. Lexa nodded at him, so he could ask.

“When will you marry Mommy, so we can be a real family?” He dropped the question.

Even if Lexa had kind of seen this coming, her heart still jumped in her chest. She kneeled in front of Ayden, sensing the boy’s sadness at thinking that because Clarke and Lexa weren’t married, they weren’t a real family.

“Ayden, listen to me” Lexa gently said. “Two people who loves each other doesn’t need marriage to make a family” Lexa said, trying her best not to confuse the boy more; “Sometimes, it’s because of the blood bonds, like your Mommy and yourself, or Bellamy and Octavia who are siblings. But Finn, although he’s related to you and you share his blood, is not part of the family because you don’t love him. Being part of a family is about what you _feel_ here” Lexa said, putting her hand on Ayden’s chest, “Sometimes, you love and care so much about someone that the person becomes part of your family. That’s why Monty, Raven, Bellamy and all the others are part of _your_ family, even if they don’t share blood with you. You understand?”

Ayden nodded, but said nothing, as he was waiting for Lexa to say more.

“I love your Mommy with all my heart, as much as I love you. I am your family now, if you accept me as such. Do you want me to be part of your family?” Lexa asked, making sure the boy understood.

“Yeah, of course!” Ayden said with assurance.

“Good!” Lexa smiled, “You see? It’s not because your Mommy and I aren’t married that we can’t be a family”.

Ayden nodded with a smile this time.

“One day, I will ask Clarke to marry me” Lexa confessed, “But we have to wait a bit before I ask her to be my wife. I have to wait until I’m sure we are both ready. Until then, can you keep the secret?” Lexa asked with a playful look on her face.

Of course, Ayden, being the little boy he was, he took it very seriously. “Yes, I’ll keep the secret safe, I promise!”

Lexa laughed, and they promised each other not to tell the secret by intertwining their pinkies together.

The school’s bell rang, and Ayden hugged Lexa as she kissed his cheek, before he was running towards his classmates.

“See you tonight Yexa, yove you!” Ayden shouted, and he watched as Lexa’s froze, her heart stopping at the boy’s words.

He giggled, waved at her, watched her wave back, before he disappeared into the school.

Lexa stayed still for a couple of minutes, a single tear rolling down her cheek. It was a happy tear, this one. Because what she had said to Ayden was true; blood was not making a family. And even if Ayden wasn’t her biological kid; he was still _her_ child, now, who she was raising with the love of her life. And even if Lexa had gone through hard stuff, and had lost more family members than average, she had a whole new one, counting on her, waiting to be loved by her. A family who loved her back just as much as she did. And to Lexa, that was everything.


	50. Planning Some Moves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand I'm back for another chapter! It's a rather short one, but I'll update another today! Tell me your thoughts!!

** Chapter 49 : Planning Some Moves **

_Song : Indigo Home by Roo Panes_

 

 

Clarke lightly knocked on the door, waiting for Raven to open it. The Brunette didn’t make her wait too much.

“Hey, Clarke” Raven warmly said, hugging the Blonde.

Clarke returned the embrace, but was a bit surprised with Raven’s behaviour. “Are you ok, Rae?” Clarke gently asked, running her hand on Raven’s back.

“Yeah, yeah” Raven sighed, pulling away. “It’s just... Anya and I, we...” She trailed off.

“Anya and I, hm?” Clarke smirked, bringing a tiny smile on Raven’s face.

“Yeah, well, some things are weird” Raven waved off, “But it’s not your problem. So, what did  you want to talk...”

“Rae” Clarke interrupted her, “What’s happening with you, how you are feeling, whether you’re ok or not, _is_ my problem” Clarke said, taking Raven’s hand. “You’re one of my best friend, Raven. I will always make _your_ problems _my_ problems. OK? ”.

“Alright” Raven nodded, offering a smile to Clarke. Clarke nodded back, happy to see that Raven wouldn’t hide her problems from her.

“So, anyways...?” Raven trailed off, waiting for Clarke to talk.

“Anyways” Clarke wiggled her eyes-brows, “You are going to tell me everything you know about Skaikru”.

Raven gulped. “Clarke, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hide things from you, but...”

“It’s ok Rae, I understand” Clarke said, smiling at her friend. “You wanted to protect me. I can understand that”.

Raven smiled back, and motioned for Clarke to follow her.

They went into Monty and Harper’s loft, where Monty and Raven had built a little “secret tech lab”.

“So, I found some interesting stuff while snooping around in Trikru” Raven started, turning the computers on, moving the screens hanging on the walls so Clarke could see.

“This is a list of every Skaikru person known to Azgeda” Raven explained. She knew she wouldn’t have to explain everything again, because Lexa had filled Clarke in about it.

“The list Trikru stole a few years ago” Clarke asked.

“Yes” Raven nodded. “A red name means a dead person...”

“Like Wells” Clarke hummed.

“Yeah” Raven sighed, “A blue name means someone known as still alive, and a yellow name...”

“Means someone they lost track of” Clarke ended Raven’s sentence, figuring it on her own.

“Exactly” Raven confirmed. “But this list is from years ago”.

“And it’s probably wrong” Clarke stated, “I met Nia White, I’m not a yellow name anymore”.

“No you’re not” Raven nodded, “And she probably put spies everywhere to watch us 24/7”.

Clarke sighed, and took a seat next to Raven.

“What can we do?” Clarke asked. “We _have_ to do something. I don’t know what she’s planning, but it can’t be good. There’s a high chance she wants to take us all down”.

“Yeah, I know that” Raven said, “But she doesn’t know who she’s fighting against” A smirk appeared on the Brunette’s face as she was typing on the keyboard.

Clarke smiled; she was glad she was having the chance to see Raven like this again; the strong-headed genius woman, fighting crimes behind her computers.

“I could enter Azgeda’s servers, find out what they have on us” Raven suggested, not taking her eyes out of the screens, “Dig a bit”.

“What do you expect to find?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t know, really” Raven shrugged, “But I could see if they still have that list or not. Plus, Nia White is smart. She has to keep records of her plans somewhere”.

Clarke thought for a second. “You _could_ access Azgeda servers?”

“Yeah, well...” Raven massaged her neck, “I mean, I _can_ , but, hum...”

“What is it, Raven?” Clarke raised a brow at her friend.

“Anya kind of forbid me to” Raven confessed.

Clarke frowned. Anya was working for a highly secret organisation, and surely they had done things out of the books, using non-conventional ways. Why would she be opposed to Raven infiltrating Azgeda system?

“What did you find out about Skaikru Company?” Clarke asked instead.

“Well, everything Anya and Lexa told us is true; it’s maybe the oldest secret Company ever created, and was supposed to join Lexa’s Coalition when she had just become CEO; but members started dying and disappearing, so there was no one left to take care of it. The company crashed, the army and the government covered every tracks about everything; it was like nothing ever existed” Raven explained, showing Clarke old archive pictures of the locals.

“Your mother was in the council, as Nia White and Lexa said” Raven added. “Each of our parents had a part to play. Well, maybe not mine” Raven shrugged.

Clarke squeezed Raven’s shoulders, knowing it was still a bit difficult for the girl to talk about her parents.

“Clarke, we could bring this company back to life, if we wanted” Raven said, showing Clarke another document. “This thing is Skaikru’s actions. They are at our names! The company is ours”.

Clarke’s eyes widened, reading the paper. Indeed, their names were at the end of the text, stating that they were the heirs of Skaikru Company.

“Impossible...” Clarke whispered.

“And look!” Raven exclaimed, zooming on the file. “The date! It’s from ten years ago!”

“The company wasn’t even down yet...!” Clarke murmured, data rushing through her brain.

“No it was not” Raven confirmed, “But surely they knew something was up! It’s like they knew they would lose and they did this to protect the Company” Raven suggested.

“I think you’re right” Clarke nodded. “To access Azgeda servers, what do you need?”

“I can’t do that from here” Raven sighed, “Our systems are not powerful enough.”

“But you can’t do it from your post in Trikru’s bunker, either” Clarke deduced.

“Nope” Raven nodded.

Clarke thought about it. They didn’t have a lot of solutions. But suddenly, Clarke got an idea.

“Rae, every Company’s building must have enough power to do it, yes?”

“Well, yes” Raven shrugged, “But it’s not like....” Raven stopped, watching Clarke’s expression. “No, Clarke. Whatever is on your mind, that’s probably a very bad idea”.

“We don’t have much choice” Clarke protested, “I can have access to Lexa’s building. If you could write a program which could search for data on its own, maybe I could...”

“No, Clarke” Raven waved her head, “That’s too risky. That’s _using_ Lexa for our purposes.”

“So tell me something we _can_ do!” Clarke shouted, frustrated.

Raven got up, and put her hand on top of Clarke. “C, listen to me. I know it’s hard for you, to see a potential threat and not be able to do something to protect us” Raven gently said. “But we have to be smart about this, way smarter than every time before. We will find a way. A way which will not cost Lexa’s trust in you”.

Clarke sadly smiled. “What about Anya’s trust in _you_ , Rae?”

Raven shrugged. “That’s different. Lexa to you, she’s...”

“No, it’s not different” Clarke said, “You have the right to be happy, too”.

Raven offered her friend a tiny smile. “Okay. So now, we have to find a way which doesn’t involve breaking anyone’s trust”.

“Let’s get to work!” Clarke said, taking a keyboard.

* * *

 

At the police station, Bellamy was busy checking for mistakes in the last files they had received. He didn’t see nor heard Echo knocking at his door.

“Agent Blake?” Echo asked after a while, seeing Bellamy hadn’t noticed her.

He finally looked up. “Yes, Snow?”

“Something came in” Echo said, getting close to him to hand him the file she had in her hands. “They suspect a drug transfer near Sandkru border. They want us to go check it out”.

“Alright” Bellamy nodded, getting up. “Let’s get moving”.

He grabbed his weapon and his badge, putting them on his belt. Echo followed him to the garage, over to the police car Bellamy had. It wasn’t really his personal car of course, but one he had to his disposal when he was at work.

They got onto the car, and Bellamy started driving.

“Where do you say we have to go?” Bellamy asked again.

“Sandkru neighbourhood” Echo answered, “Near the old school”.

Bellamy chuckled. “That must be some old school indeed”.

Echo smiled at that. That was funny, because Sandkru neighbourhood wasn’t known for its education. Then, she internally scolded herself; she couldn’t afford to think Bellamy Blake was funny. Bellamy Blake was the target, the _enemy_. Not a friend. He couldn’t be.

They drove silently after that, eyes focused on around them, trying to spot anything suspicious. Then, Bellamy stopped the car, parking somewhere where the police car was a bit hidden.

“We’re going to go _there_?” Echo raised her brows, pointing at the disaffected building. 

“How else would you want to check for drug business?” Bellamy raised his brows back, getting out of the car.

Echo sighed. She had been a cop, yes. _Had been_. It’s not that Echo was afraid of danger; it was more like she didn’t consider herself clean enough to be a law figure. Who was she, to handcuff people, probably only trying to survive, doing what they could?

And Echo had a few secrets, too. Some she didn’t want anyone to know. But of course, she was pretty sure Nia knew all about it already.

She got out of the car and followed Bellamy, her hand close to the gun she held on her belt. They were walking slowly, not to raise any suspicions. Which was quite hilarious, as they were dressed as cops.

Echo was analysing everything around her, trying to look for weird face expressions – she was the best at noticing if someone had something to hide or not – but suddenly, Bellamy pushed her to the side, sending them bang into a iron barrel, as gun shots were piercing the air.

“The fuck?!” Echo asked, not having seen anything.

“Drug business it seems!” Bellamy grunted, detaching his gun from his hip and shooting warning shots.

“Stop shooting!” Bellamy shouted, “Police!”

But of course no one was listening to him, and Bellamy threw a iron plaque over their heads to protect themselves.

“There’s no way we can escape this” He grunted again under the weight of the heavy plaque.

But then, the shots ended. Bellamy carefully lowered the iron shield, slowly raising his head to see if the gangsters had left.

“No one seems to be there” He whispered to Echo, “You take left, I’ll take right”.

Echo nodded, and they parted ways, making sure to say behind colons or walls, or anything which could make a barrier between their fragile bodies and the piercing bullets.

Bellamy got around the building, eyes wide open and gun secured in his hand, ready to shoot. Being a cop wasn’t Bellamy’s dream job; but it was the best job to learn how to protect his friends. That was making him feel better, to know he could enforce the law when needed, and use his job as an advantage for when things needed to be done off the books.

Suddenly, he spotted a guy running towards a car, a heavy bag on his shoulder.

“Freeze!” He shouted, “Police!”

The man didn’t listen, and threw himself behind a car, disappearing from his sight. Bellamy was ready to shoot at him to keep him from running away, but then he heard a scream. Echo.

He quickly got up, and ran towards the sound. No one was here, except for Echo, lying on the ground, a hand against her shoulder.

“Echo! Are you ok? What happened?” Bellamy asked, rushing to her side, and tearing his shirt so he could apply pressure on the bullet wound.

“I’m ok” Echo said through gritted tears, “It just ricocheted”.

Bellamy nodded, taking Echo’s bulletproof vest off, and bandaging her shoulder like he could.

“Come on, we have to go back to the police station” He said, “To get you checked out”.

He helped Echo on her feet, and started the car as soon as she had her seatbelt on.

At the police station, he called for the medic working with them, ordering him to check Echo, even if she had told him a dozen times she was ok. Bellamy insisted, and now she was sitting on a medical bed, waiting for the doctor to finish stitching her shoulder.

Echo couldn’t help but notice how caring the boy was. She had seen how he was there in a few seconds, after she had screamed. How he forgot everything else to protect her, to get her to safety, and Echo couldn’t help but wondering if it was in his nature; if he had always been like this, towards his family and friends.

Her trail of thoughts were broken when the medic announced he was done. Echo thanked him, put her shirt back on and went back to her office.

“Echo!” Bellamy called her when she passed in front of his desk.

“Yeah?”

“You’re ok?” He asked, and Echo could see the sincerity in his eyes.

“Yeah, thank you. Just a scratch” Echo answered with a warm smile. _A warm smile? Echo wake up,_ she told herself, _you’re supposed to charm him, not the other way around._

Bellamy nodded, smiling back, and then he got up, an expression on his face Echo couldn’t figure.

“I was wondering... I was wondering if you would consider coming to eat with my family?” Bellamy asked. “You’re going to be my partner, so, it’s only fair they know you”.

Echo was left speechless for a few seconds, but quickly recovered. She had to think about her mission.

“Yeah, of course! With pleasure” She answered.

“Great” Bellamy smiled, “Meet me here at 6?”

“Copy” Echo nodded back, before going back to her office.

Bellamy grinned, and took his phone out to tell his friends to add an extra-plate for dinner.

* * *

 

Back in Monty’s apartment, Clarke and Raven were pacing, trying to find a solution.

“Ok, so what are our options?” Clarke asked.

“We don’t _have_ options” Raven retorted, “Our hands are completely tied right now”.

Clarke sighed, seeing how Raven was getting frustrated. The Blonde was frustrated too of course; they felt like fighting a villain they could not see.

“Well, maybe you could talk to Anya?” Clarke suggested, “She’s Trikru, she has to know that there’s no other option here”.

“Yeah, maybe” Raven sighed, “But she still thinks she can find another way”.

“There is no other way” Clarke said again. “We have to know what Nia White is planning”.

“I know!” Raven huffed again, “I know, alright? I’ll see what I can do”.

Clarke nodded, and got ready to leave. She needed to go buy some pizzas for lunch.

“Hey, Raven?” Clarke asked, just before closing the door behind her.

“Yeah?”

“Without you, we wouldn’t have survived all those years. Don’t take the blame on your shoulders” Clarke gently said to her friend.

Raven sadly smiled to her. Both of them, they knew it wasn’t that simple. “Don’t take it either” She murmured back.

Clarke nodded, smiled, and closed the door.


	51. You Are So Much More Than Your Father's Son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's a quick chapter, but I wanted to write it since I heard the Sleeping at last song! I highly recommend you all to listen to it ! 
> 
> Also on a more serious note, I wanted to say that some of you way have some shitty/rude/not-caring/rejecting parents, and I just wanted to say that you're more than your parents' child. You can do better, you can be better, and just because your parents were shit doesn't mean you'll be, too. You can be the one you want to, you can be a role model some people will look up too, even if your parents weren't for you.  
> And for the rest of you who have awesome parents, be there with them, because you'll never have enough time with the people you love. 
> 
> Finally, I'm going on vacation for three weeks so I won't have enough internet connexion to update the story, but I'll keep writing to update a lot when I'll come back!  
> I hope you're all having a great time, and if not, you know you can come and talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you need someone to talk to! ;)
> 
> Until next time!

** Chapter 50 : You Are So Much More Than Your Father’s Son **

_Song : Heirloom by Sleeping at Last_

 

Lexa was patiently – and excitedly – waiting for Ayden to come out of the school. Today, she was having lunch time with the boy, and she was beyond thrilled.

“Yexa!” She heard before seeing the little boy running towards her and crashing into her legs.

“Hey buddy! How was your morning?” She chuckled, ruffling the boy’s hair.

“I missed you!” he shouted back, a big smile written on his face, now that Lexa is here.

“I missed you too, little man” Lexa gently murmured back, getting emotional. She knelt at his level, and picked him up in her arms.

“Ready for lunch?”

“Yeaaaaah!” He shrieked, throwing his arms happily in the air. Lexa smiled, and lead them towards them back to Lexa’s building; Lexa didn’t know well about what Ayden liked to eat, but he knew he loved Niylah’s food truck.

* * *

 Five minutes later, Ayden was shouting at Niylah when he saw her.

“Niyah!” He shouted, making Lexa chuckle in the process – he couldn’t pronounce Niylah’s name correctly – and lowered him to the ground, so he could great the woman.

But surprisingly, Ayden didn’t run to Niylah, and instead took Lexa’s hand, waiting for her to move towards Niylah. Lexa was very surprised; but glad, that the boy was staying close to her and not running off.

They walked toward Niylah, and Lexa could read the surprise written all over the girl’s face. Then, it stroke Lexa; Niylah probably wondered why Ayden was with her, and not with Clarke.

“Hi, Niylah” Lexa smiled to her old friend, “How are you doing?”

“Fine, fine!” Niylah said, not having recovered from her surprise, “But how about you? Long time no see!”

“Yeah, well” Lexa chuckled, “It’s a couple of complicated months, right Ayden?”

“Yeah” He shrugged, probably not understanding Lexa’s words, “But we are ok now?”

“Yes, very much” Lexa smiled at him. “Look for what you want to eat!” She told the boy, and then turned towards Niylah who was fixing her with a weird expression.

“That’s Clarke’s boy” Niylah stated the obvious.

“Yes indeed” Lexa raised a brow at her friend.

“But... I mean, how?” Niylah asked, confused. “Last time, you didn’t even know each other that well!”

“Hm, things happened” Lexa shrugged, a light smile on her lips.

“And..?” Niylah asked, pushing Lexa to say more. She _needed_ Lexa to explain; inside, she knew she was going to be disappointed with the answer.

“I want a chicken sandwich!” Ayden said, cutting the conversation.

“Alright” Niylah chuckled. “Lexa?”

“What? Hu, the same” Lexa answered.

Niylah nodded, and threw a look at Lexa for her to keep her story going.

“Right, so hum, Clarke I are... Kind of together?” Lexa confessed, not able to keep her face from lightening anymore.

“Kind of together?” Niylah raised her brows, “You’re dating her or not?”

“Yeah!” Lexa answered almost too quickly, “Yeah, we’re dating!”

“So you’re not _kind of_ together, Lexa” The other woman chuckled, “That’s a sure fact”.

“Yes, yes, I know” Lexa said, “But that’s just that, hum, she’s really, like... Pretty? And kind, and funny, and full of life?”

Niylah laughed. “Are those questions, or actual facts about Clarke?”

“Yeah, right, sorry” Lexa blushed, seeing she had been rambling.

“It’s ok” Niylah waved her off, putting the sandwiches in front of them, “Clarke is indeed very pretty and funny”.

Lexa frowned a bit at Niylah’s words; she was not jealous, but she was feeling like  maybe, Niylah had wanted more with Clarke than only friendship.

But then, Ayden pulled on her sleeve, remembering her that _she_ was the one chosen by Clarke to share her life, and her son’s care.

She waved goodbye to Niylah, and went to sit at a table with the boy, already chewing his sandwich.

“I take it that it’s good?” Lexa chuckled at Ayden’s enthusiasm.

“Yeah, very good!” He smiled, almost spilling the food he had in his mouth.

Lexa laughed, biting on her own sandwich. They ate silently, enjoying the calm around them, and people walking around.

Then, noises and loud talking were heard, and they both turned their heads towards it, intrigued.

It was a man and a little boy – probably his son, Lexa deduced -, and the father was busy pulling on his son’s arm to make him move, while the boy wanted to pick up something on the floor he had let fallen.

Lexa’s heart constricted in her chest; no man should be holding a boy’s arm that tight, nor screaming at him to make him move. That was not the right way to make a child cooperate.

But what Lexa noticed next broke her heart. Ayden was not eating anymore, and was shamefully looking at the table.

Lexa put her sandwich down, and put a hand on his. “Hey, Ayden, what’s wrong?”

Ayden sniffed, and Lexa knew he was pretty upset already. “Finn is like that” He murmured, sadness mixing with his kid’s voice.

“Yes, he is” Lexa nodded, feeling sad for the boy. “But not everyone is a good man; sometimes life is not easy with people, and they become not good persons”.

“What if I don’t become a good person?” He asked next, his voice near breaking.

“Oh, Ayden” Lexa said, getting up to catch the boy in her arms and bury him in her embrace, trying to pass as much love to him as she could. “Just because you had a bad father doesn’t mean you’ll be like him” Lexa murmured to Ayden, trying to soothe him.

Ayden only caught Lexa’s jacket in her fists, holding tight to the fabric, sniffing in Lexa’s neck. Lexa’s heart was bleeding for the boy’s distress, and she had no idea of how to soothe his sorrow.

 _You try your hardest to leave the past alone_  
_This crooked posture is all you’ve ever known_  
 _It is the consequence of living in between_  
 _The weight of family and the pull of gravity_

_You are so much more than your father’s son,  
You are so much more than what he’s become.._

 “Ayden, listen to me” Lexa said, rocking him slowly back and forth, “You are so much more than your father’s son. I already know you will be a kind man, a loving one. You are still very young, ok? You’ll be a great man, with time”.

Ayden nodded, still sniffing. He really wanted to believe in what Lexa was saying; he knew she wasn’t lying to him, and he was a bit comforted by the idea of growing up alongside this woman he adored. Ayden was maybe six, but he had gone through enough to feel like being twelve.

_Long before you were born, there was light_   
_Hidden deep in these young, unfamiliar eyes._   
_A million choices, though little on their own,_   
_Become the heirloom of the heaviness you’ve known_

_You are so much more than your father’s son,  
You are so much more than what he’s become..._

“And Ayden” Lexa gently said again, “You are not alone. You may have had a bad dad, but your mom, kid, your mom... She’s the best Mommy on Earth, you know that?” Lexa asked, stars in her eyes.

She wasn’t lying to Ayden; she really believed that Clarke was a great mother.

“I know you’re scared, but you’re a strong boy” Lexa murmured, “And it will be okay again”.

“Yexa?” Ayden then asked, his voice still laced with sadness.

“Yes, little man?”

“I’m happy you’re my friend” He smiled to her, hugging her neck. “Mommy is happy with you, too”.

Lexa weakly smiled back, tears gathering in eyes at the boy’s declaration.

“I’m very happy with you, too” she hugged him, and kissed his cheek making a funny noise which made him bust into laughers.

 _You pressed rewind_ _  
For the thousandth time  
When the tapes wore through  
So you memorized  
Those unscripted lines  
Desperate for some kind of clue:  
When the scale tipped  
When you inherited  
A fight that you were born to lose  
It’s not your fault  
No, it’s not your fault  
I put this heavy heart in you  
I put this heavy heart in you_ _..._

* * *

 Not far from them, Niylah was looking at them with envy. Jealous she was; jealous of this Brunette who seemed to hold Clarke’s heart, jealous of the complicity Ayden and she had. It’ was not like Niylah never tried to get closer to Clarke; the Blonde had never seen too interested, and because Niylah had been aware of Clarke’s situation, she had never pushed her.

She cleaned her cooking table, sighing about the Blonde she would never have. 

 

 _You remind me of who I could have been_  
_Had I been stronger and braver way back then_  
 _A million choices, though little on their own_  
 _Became the heirloom of the heaviness we’ve known_  
  
_You are so much more than your father’s son_  
 _You are so much more than the wars you’ve won_  
 _You are so much more than your father’s son_  
 _You are so much more than what I’ve become_


	52. Introducing Echo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people I'm back!! It's been a whole month, but I really needed time for myself and family after the year I've had with med school and everything ;)  
> Anyways I passed all my tests, I'm going back to school on September friday 1st, yay! 
> 
> I just wanted to say to you that I've been thinking a lot during my time away, and I want you all to know that I'm so thankful to all of you for supporting me with this fic, sending me reviews and everything, you're the reason I keep writing!   
> reading and writing can be very freeing, and I'm glad I can be a part of that to some of you. 
> 
> And remember, if you ever need a ear, come talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt", I'll make sure to have a few minutes for you! ;)

** Chapter 51 : Introducing Echo **

_Song : Better Days, by Hedley_

It was dark outside when Lexa finally got home from work. She was expecting Clarke and Ayden to greet her, as they always did, but no one throw themselves at her neck when she opened the door. Lexa frowned, got rid of her coat and shoes, and wandered into the loft looking for her family.

But not a sound could be heard; not a laugh, not a single noise. Lexa was beginning to worry, and hurried herself to look into every room; no one. That wasn’t normal. She went back to the kitchen, and noticed a piece of paper on the counter. As she was leaning to grab it, her phone vibrated in her pocket.

Clarke was calling. Lexa let a big relieved sigh before answering.

“Clarke?”

“ _Hey love!”_ Clarke happily said in the phone, _“I understand you’re finally off of work! I’ve been trying to call you for an hour now”._

Lexa frowned. She didn’t see the missed calls. “It’s alright” She said. “Where are you though?”

 _“Arcadia!”_ Clarke informed her, _“We’re having dinner with the crew! I think Bellamy wants us to meet his new partner...”_

“Partner?” Lexa chuckled, “As in...”

 _“Well she’s her_ work _partner”_ Clarke shrugged, _“But I mean, he’s introducing her to us so...”_

“Alright” Lexa chuckled again. “I’ll be there in a few minutes”.

 _“Good”_ Lexa could imagine Clarke smiled, _“Hurry! We miss you”._

“I will” Lexa smiled. “I love you.”

_“I love you too! See you in a few!”_

She hung up the phone, unfolding the note on the counter.

 

_Lexa,_

_We’re in Arcadia with the crew! Dinner at the Blake’s place tonight! Meet you there!_

_Clarke and Ayden_

Lexa smiled, remembering how this note was so different from the first one Clarke had left her. It was not that long ago, but to Lexa, it felt like another life entirely. She hurried herself to take a shower and pack some clothes if they were to stay the night in Arcadia; she took some for Clarke and Ayden too, not knowing if Clarke had thought about it, and left the place.

* * *

 

To say that Echo was nervous was a euphemism. She was impatiently waiting in her – very crappy – apartment for Bellamy to pick her up. Well, first she was waiting for Nia’s call; the older woman would probably want to know her progression on her mission and give her instructions for tonight.

Finally, the phone rang.

“Echo on the phone” Echo introduced herself.

 _“Echo”_ The cold voice of Nia White resonated into the phone _. “Ontari tells me you’re making progress”_.

“Yes” Echo confirmed. “The Blake boy is going to introduce me to his family tonight”.

 _“That’s good.”_ Nia said, pausing for a few seconds, and then starting again. _“Some of my spies told me he saved your life”._

“Barely” Echo scoffed, “I let the guy shoot me, clean shot” She explained. “I need Bellamy’s sympathy and care to complete the mission”.

 _“That was a clever move.”_ Nia had to say. Some noises could be heard in the background. _“I have to go. Keep me updated. And Echo?”_

“Yes, my Queen?”

 _“Remember what happens if you fail this mission”._ Nia said, hanging up and closing the conversation.

Echo gritted her teeth, a sudden urge to throw her phone to the other side of the room. But then, a honk made itself heard; Bellamy was at the foot of her building, waiting for her. She checked herself in the mirror one last time, making sure she was good looking. Echo wasn’t sure if it was to charm him or because she wanted to look good for him. _Stop it, Echo_ , she thought before closing her front door and going down the stairs.

 

Raven was into Trikru’s bunker, tapping on keyboards in a hurry. Why? Oh, maybe because she was infiltrating Azgeda’s systems from Trikru’s, against Anya’s orders and in complete illegality. Raven had thought about thousands of other ways to get what they needed, but only this one was quick enough; safer, too. She didn’t have the choice; well, she could have chosen not to do it, but they really needed those data and they were running out of time. Who knew what Nia had planned for them?

So Raven was tapping on her keyboard at lightening speed, looking into Azgeda’s systems as well as creating a program which would make her researches go invisible. That was the Raven Reyes she used to be, a few years ago; always hiding in some dark room full of giant computers, hacking into somebody’s system for information. She knew the trouble she could get into; but she was estimating the results would be worth it. Then she stopped, throwing her fist against the ground.

“Shit!” She exclaimed-whispered, “Of course there would be a secret password!”

Raven was pissed; she had finally found the file regarding everything Azgeda had on Skaikru; but it was locked by a password. She studied it for a bit, and discovered the file had not been locked by Azgeda. Maybe Azgeda had not even opened the file! But how could she overcome this password?

“Fuck it” Raven whispered, getting her phone out of her pocket and dialling a number.

_“Rae?”_

“Clarke, I’m hiding into Trikru’s basement looking into Azgeda servers, I found Skaikru’s file but it’s locked by a freaking password. Do you have an idea?” Raven whispered, hoping Clarke wouldn’t get mad.

 _“What the actual fuck Rae_?” Clarke exclaimed into the phone, _“Are you serious right now? We’re supposed to have dinner at Bellamy’s! We said we were not going to do something like that!”_

“I know, I know, Alright?” Raven whispered into the phone, “But you’ll yell at me later, ok?”

She heard Clarke sigh. _“How many numbers?”_ Clarke asked.

“It’s not numbers” Raven said. “It looks like a sentence. 4 words”.

 _“And how am I supposed to guess it?!”_ Clarke exclaimed again.

“Your parents were part of the council, Clarke! It has to be something you heard lots of times” Raven answered, “Like some kind of motto?”

 _“I don’t know”_ Clarke sighed, _“I don’t really remember...”_

“Think, Clarke. We all were very young when we left, but those documents have been left out for _us_ ” Raven said, “I’m pretty sure we have the key to open it. You just have to _think_ ” Raven pushed her, looking over her shoulder to make sure she was still alone.

* * *

 

Anya was sitting into the control room, checking a few things before heading out to Arcadia. Apparently, they had planned a dinner with everyone, and Bellamy was going to introduce them to her new partner at the police station. Anya could sense how it was a big deal, and why they wanted to see her; they wanted to be able to trust her with Bellamy’s safety, and meeting her was the first step to it.

Anya was slowly figuring out how the group worked, and how the loyalty system was really deep implanted amongst them; she had to say she was impressed. Such a level of devotion and loyalty was very rare; even in units like the ones existing in Trikru. And when she was thinking about it, she was discovering that maybe it was what blocked her with Raven; knowing that Raven would never be as devoted to her as she was to the group, that Raven would always make the group come first, and that she would never really trust Anya the way she trusted Clarke or Bellamy or any of them. That Anya would never be a real part of the crew.

Of course Anya knew Lexa and Clarke were managing to make it work, that they really trusted each other and everything, but still; in Anya’s mind, it was different. I mean, Anya had not rescued Raven from getting killed, she had not helped her with her son; Anya was nobody’s hero.

Anya let a deep sigh escape her lips. Then, a red alarm text popped up on her screen. Anya frowned; she had secretly put a program on Azgeda’s servers, a sort of surveillance thing, which was meant to tell her when someone was trying to access Azgeda servers from somewhere else than the Azgeda locals.

What was weird was that the person doing it wasn’t that far. Anya frowned even more, zooming on the map she had on the screen; the person was _here._ In Trikru bunker.

Anya’s eyes widened; she was the one of the few left in the building as the night shift hadn’t arrived yet. She rushed out of her chair to the armoury, trying to be as discreet as possible, picked a gun and opened her phone to localise the hacker. It’s not that Anya was protecting Azgeda’s servers; but more like she was keeping anyone to get into them so they could stay alive.

She began to wander around the place, opening every room to check if someone was there. Of course Anya was smart and she knew the hacker had to be in the server room to have direct access to the power source they had in the bunker, but she still wanted to be sure he or she hadn’t any backup.

* * *

 

Raven and Clarke were killing their minds onto the password for twenty minutes now. Octavia, Monty, Lincoln and Harper had joined with Clarke on the phone to help them figure the password out.

 _“We are not going to crack it”_ Clarke admitted, defeated.

 _“Ok guys, we’re doing this once more_ ” Monty said. _“How many words?”_

“Four” Raven repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time.

 _“I love you sweetie?”_ Clarke suggested with a bit of irony.

“Not funny Clarkey” Raven grunted, tapping on the keyboard, testing it anyways. “It doesn’t even work”.

 _“I’m out of ideas”_ Octavia said, _“We literally tested every four words combination that could exist”._

“Well we didn’t, as we would have to test an infinity of combina...”

“ _Shut up Rae”_ Monty cut her off. _“We need to find that damn thing”._

 _“Guys”_ Clarke suddenly said. _“What about_ May We Meet Again _? We used to say it all the time!”_

“That could actually work” Raven said, tipping the words.

The tablet she had in her hands made a unlocking noise.

“Guys it worked!” Raven exclaimed, then widened her eyes and looked around to see if someone could have heard her. “It’s transferring the file to my tablet!”

 _“Great job everyone”_ Clarke said. _“See you at the apartment, and don’t get caught!”_

“See ya” Raven hung up the phone, adrenaline running through her system as she was watching the loading progression.

But then, a door opened not far from where Raven was hiding.

“Shit” She whispered, hiding herself in a dark corner.

The loading was only at sixty percent; if she disconnected the device now, she would lose everything.

“Come on, hurry” Raven whispered again.

Footsteps were coming towards her, and sweat was beginning to gather on her forehead; she couldn’t be found. Then, she had an idea. She frantically tipped on her tablet. An alarm ran off into the other room, and the footsteps went away.

Raven sighed, relieved. She waited a few more seconds for the transfer to be over, and quickly exited the bunker without being seen or heard.

* * *

 

Anya stopped the alarm which had gone on, on its own. That was weird too, because no one was there. She went back to the server room, and quickly checked behind every wall, every corner. But then, she found something; a little bracelet, made with coloured wood beads. She picked it up; not knowing who it belonged to, but determined to find out.

* * *

 

Bellamy and Echo were parking in front of Arcadia building. Echo got out of the car, looking at everything; any details she could remember could be used in the future for one of Nia’s plans.

If Echo was honest with herself, she was a bit pained that Bellamy and his family had to live in such a shitty place. But she had no room for feelings, so she quickly erased that thought from her mind.

“Come on Echo!” Bellamy gestured at her to follow him, a big smile on his lips. He was glad to have been teamed up with her; she was an action girl, like he was an action boy, and he could sense they were going to do great by working together.

Echo couldn’t help herself from smiling too; his good mood was contagious, and she was scolding herself for it.

They entered the building, and Echo followed Bellamy to his apartment; he had explained a bit who lived with who and where, but there was a lot of names and she hadn’t memorized everyone yet. Just as Bellamy was going to open the door, a little boy came running down the stairs and threw himself at Bellamy’s legs, making him bust into laughter.

“Uncle Bell!” The boy happily shouted as Bellamy was picking him up.

“Hey there big boy!” Bellamy smiled, then frowned. “You’re alone?”

Echo watched as Bellamy was looking around. She could see he was very protective of the boy.

“I’m here” A gorgeous blonde said, coming down the stairs. Bellamy offered her a big smile, put the boy on the ground and hugged her.

Echo gritted her teeth; the blonde had to be Clarke Griffin, the source of their every problems. She was the woman to take down, if Nia wanted Skaikru to stay dead. Clarke was the most dangerous woman right now, maybe even more than Lexa Woods, and Echo couldn’t help but feel jealousy invade her system; Clarke was pretty, and loved. It was two things more that she wasn’t.

They all entered the apartment, the boy – Echo learned it was Ayden, Clarke’s son – passing from arms to arms as Bellamy was introducing her to the group.

“Monty and Harper” Bellamy said pointing at them as they were nodding back at Echo, “The nerd and the fantastic woman that sticks with him anyways”.

“Jasper, and Maya” Bellamy then said, “Also a nerd, and a former Mount Weather member now part of the crew thanks to him” He winked at Maya as they were shaking hands with Echo.

“Emori and Murphy” the Blake boy pointed at them, “This one is sarcasm in its purest form”.

“I cannot disagree” Murphy shrugged while shaking Echo’s hand.

Lincoln and Octavia approached the duo. “So you’re Bellamy’s new partner” Octavia said.

Echo titled her head; this black-haired girl, she had never seen a picture of her in Nia’s file.

“My little sister, Octavia” Bellamy said, and Echo could see the adoration and love he had in his eyes while talking about her, “And her boyfriend, Lincoln”.

Echo nodded back at them with a smile; if Octavia was Bellamy’s sister, she needed to befriend her quickly to gain Bellamy’s trust even more.

Then, another brunette busted into the apartment, covered in sweat and holding a tablet in her hands. But what perked Echo’s attention was the iron device around the Latino brunette’s leg; it looked like a brace, but it was nothing like Echo had seen before.

“And that’s Raven” Bellamy chuckled, “The genius”.

“Laugh, laugh, Blake” Raven huffed, trying to get rid of her shoes.

Echo watched as Clarke approached her, knelt in front of her, wordlessly took out Raven’s shoes and help the girl back on her feet. Everyone watched, but they all did like they hadn’t seen a thing; Echo couldn’t help but wonder why.

She saw Raven hand the tablet to Clarke, as they were whispering words. Raven nodded, and went to talk to Octavia.

Then, Clarke turned around to face Echo, holding her hand up. “And that’s Clarke” Bellamy said, trailing his sentence off as he did not know well what to say that resumed Clarke enough.

But thankfully, Clarke did it for him. “I’m the mother of all those children” She said with a chuckle, as everyone chuckled too.

Echo saw Bellamy frowning at the tablet Clarke was holding, probably silently asking her what it was about; Clarke threw him a “later” look, and went into the kitchen to help Maya with dinner.

Then, the apartment door opened again, to let two women in; Echo recognised them immediately. The Woods cousins, Lexa and Anya Woods; everyone in Coalition Corp. knew their faces.

Ayden, seeing Lexa, ran to her full speed, crashing against her legs. “Yexa!” He yelled, waving his arms so she could pick him up, “You’re here!”

“Hey big boy” Lexa laughed, taking him in her arms and hugging him tightly.

Echo was intrigued; she knew Lexa Clarke and the boy were close, as they were living together, but what she was seeing was another level completely. The boy was _clinging_ to Lexa’s neck, as if he was caring deeply about her, and Lexa was hugging him so tight it looked like he was her own son.

Anya nodded at Echo, quickly introducing Lexa and herself and then directly went towards Raven. That was another thing Echo was discovering; Raven and Anya seemed close, but like, _close_. It was easy to see, really; Anya was watching Raven’s every move, and Raven was always looking at Anya when she was making a joke, or being silly, as if she was always making sure it was making Anya laugh.

Lexa frowned, looking for Clarke in the apartment; she hadn’t seen the girl yet, and it was weird because Clarke was always the first one to greet her. She found her in the kitchen, focused on something on the tablet.

“Hey” Lexa gently said, hugging Clarke from behind. But it didn’t have the effect expected, as Clarke jumped off of Lexa’s embrace, shutting the tablet down and turning around with surprise on her face.

“Lexa! You surprised me!” Clarke exclaimed, putting her hand on her heart.

“Yeah” Lexa frowned, half-upset, “It’s like you were hiding something from me”.

“What...?” Clarke said, then followed Lexa’s look to the tablet, and sighed. “I’m working on something” Clarke confessed. She had considered lying to Lexa, but knew she couldn’t. “I can’t talk to you about it yet” Clarke took Lexa’s face in her hands as she could see Lexa was beginning to close herself, “But I will explain everything soon. I promise”.

“I don’t like this” Lexa whispered, lowering her eyes. She was feeling useless, and she hated not knowing what was going on in Clarke’s head.

“I know” Clarke said, biting her lower lip, because she too hated keeping things from Lexa, “But I just need you to trust me on this. Can you do this?”

Lexa sighed, and then nodded. “Yes.” She couldn’t help but wonder if it has something to do with her; was Clarke not happy with her? Did she want to move out, or something like that?

“I love you, Lexa” Clarke said. Lexa levelled her head at Clarke’s words, answering her fears. “This has nothing to do with us. Well, not you and me” She explained. “Okay?”

“Okay” Lexa said, a bit relieved. Clarke smiled at her, and lightly kissed her.

“Come on. Let’s go find out more about this Echo” Clarke said with a smirk on her face.

* * *

 

In the living-room, Anya and Raven were unusually quiet with each other. Anya was preoccupied with what she had discovered in the bunker, and Raven was trying to figure out a way to tell Anya she had had access to Azgeda servers against her will and order.

Raven was about to open her mouth and say something, when Ayden lightly hit her in the – good – leg to gain her attention.

“Rae? Where is your bracelet?” He asked, a sad frown on his face.

Raven looked at him, sorry. “I lost it, big boy. He fell from my wrist, I don’t when, don’t know where”.

“It’s ok! I’ll give you another!” He said, running in the apartment to find his bracelet box.

“What is this bracelet?” Anya asked, her curiosity perked. 

“It’s a family bracelet he made” Raven smiled. “One for every woman of the family. But I lost mine today”.

“I see” Anya hummed, finding it cute that the boy would make tiny bracelets for them.

* * *

 

Echo took advantage of Clarke being alone in the kitchen to come and talk to her.

“So, I heard you’re kind of the boss around here?” Echo said, trying to look nice so Clarke wouldn’t grow suspicious.

“Yeah well” Clarke chuckled, “They lied, obviously. I can’t even make this thing work” Clarke huffed, frustrated at the oven which wouldn’t turn on.

“Let me help you” Echo chuckled, taking Clarke’s place and trying to make the oven work. “How long have you known Bellamy?” Echo asked.

“Well, it’s been a while” Clarke answered, “Met him in high school. Well, he was older than the rest of us, but as he was Octavia’s sister, he quickly became part of the crew”.

“Teenager Bellamy must have been fun to see” Echo hummed, trying to imagine the black haired boy in high school.

“You wish” Clarke rolled her eyes, “He was like the evil himself”.

“I find it hard to believe” Echo said, finally getting the oven to work.

“I assure you, I tell no lies” Clarke laughed. Raven entered the kitchen, having heard a bit of the conversation.

“Who are you lying about?” She asks, picking a piece of cake and shoving it in her mouth.

“Evil Bellamy in high school” Clarke said.

“Oh my god he was such a brat” Raven excessively rolled her eyes.

“See?” Clarke turned to Echo, “He wasn’t always an angel”.

“Never was” Raven said, shoving another piece of food into her mouth and going back to the living-room.

“She’s kind of funny” Echo stated, looking at Raven.

“Yeah” Clarke nodded, organising the plates. “She’s been through a lot of things – well, like all of us – but she... She’s still her. You know?” Clarke said, a bit of nostalgia in her voice.

“I see” Echo hummed. She looked into the living-room, where the adults and Ayden were telling jokes and laughing and eating junk food. She was nostalgic, too; for something she never had, and something that even _they_ had, despite of everything they had gone through.

Clarke smiled at her, and went back into the living-room, bringing snacks, and snuggling into Lexa’s side. Nia was so wrong; Lexa wasn’t using Clarke to get what she wanted; she _loved_ her, sincerely. Azgeda had no idea about what was going on there; and even Echo, the most devoted person to her clan, was now having doubts about them. How could they take them down, while seeing they were that close to each other?

* * *

 

The evening was coming to an end, and Ayden was now yawning every two minutes. Raven was sitting on the couch, Anya’s arm around her shoulder.

“Come on Ayden, we’re going to bed” Clarke announced to her son, who pouted a bit but not much as he was tired.

He walked to Clarke, but then remembered something. He walked back to Raven, handing her the new bracelet.

“Here, your bracelet!” He said, giving it to her with a big smile.

“Thanks, buddy” Raven chuckled, putting the bracelet on, as Clarke and Lexa were saying goodbye to their friends.

But then, Anya took a peek at the bracelet, and froze. She had seen those pearls before. She searched in her pocket, getting the bracelet she had found into Trikru’s servers’ room. Same ones.

Clarke and Lexa left, and Anya remained frozen. Raven. Raven had been the intruder, and Anya knew all too well what she had done, what she had looked into.

Raven noticed Anya’s state after a while, seeing the girl hadn’t answered her question, maybe not even heard her.

“Anya?” Raven asked, “You’re ok?”

The others were all in the kitchen, washing the dishes. Anya finally cleared her mind enough to speak.

“How could you...?” Anya whispered, tears building up in her eyes, fist gripping the bracelet inside. “I had forbidden you to”.

“What?” Raven frowned, not understanding.

Wordlessly, Anya got up, not even looking at Raven; she put the broken bracelet in Raven’s hand. Raven looked at it, and her eyes widened; she knew Anya knew.

Anya half-ran to the door, shutting the door with a bang. It startled the others in the kitchen, who came running into the living-room.

“Rae?”

“You’re ok?”

“What’s happening in here?”

“Where’s Anya?”

“Did someone bang the door?”

“SHE JUST RAN OFF, that’s what happened!” Raven yelled at them so they would shut up.

“Then go get your girl back!” Octavia yelled back, gesturing to the door.

Raven nodded, running after Anya.


	53. Maybe They Didn't Need To Hide Anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 52! Enjoy, and leave me tons of revieeeeeews :)

** Chapter 52 : Maybe They Didn’t Need To Choose Anymore **

_Song : Find You Here by Alex G_

Anya was walking as fast as she could in the dark street, trying to get as much distance with Arcadia as she could. Raven had snuck into Azgeda’s servers behind her back, when she had expressly _forbidden_ her to.

But it was even more than that; Raven had betrayed her truth. She had betrayed _her_ , for the group. It was what Anya had feared; the group was coming first, and Raven would always choose them. And Anya was angry, so angry, because she cared deeply about the girl, like never in her life she had allowed herself to have such strong feelings. She was also angry because she knew and understand why Raven would always put the group first. Hell, Anya would put Lexa first. It had been inevitable with Raven, but somehow, she had thought that maybe, maybe something was possible. Maybe Anya wouldn’t be the one being left behind, maybe Anya could be part of that group, so she was never left out. Looked like she was wrong.

But then, she heard someone call her name. She turned around; Raven was running towards her, begging her to wait. Anya frowned. Raven was _running_. Anya was angry at her, but not enough to not care about Raven running; she was going to hurt herself with her brace and everything, and Anya wasn’t mad at the girl enough to let her suffer.

So Anya waited until Raven was in front of her.

“Thank you” Raven said, breathless. They stared at each other for a few seconds, waiting for Raven to regain her breath.

“This is not how I wanted you to find out” Raven murmured after a while, eyes shining.

Anya snorted. “Were you even going to tell me?”

Raven looked at the ground. She didn’t know.

Anya sighed, seeing Raven hadn’t even answered the question. She saw the girl shiver and decided they could do that somewhere else than in the middle of the street.

“Come on” Anya said, gesturing at Raven to follow her. “My place is not far from here”.

* * *

 

In the Blake’s apartment, Echo was trying to gain Octavia’s attention; this girl was intriguing her, and she was wondering why not even one of Nia’s spies had managed to take a picture of her.

“So Echo” Octavia said, surprising Echo who hadn’t heard her coming, “For how many years have you been a cop?”

Echo tried to act like Octavia hadn’t sneak up on her. She had to admit she was surprised; Echo was well trained, and she was never, never surprised like this. Echo gritted her teeth, and blamed the wine they had for dinner.

“Eight years, maybe” Echo shrugged, answering Octavia’s question. It was not _exactly_ the truth. Officially, she was a cop, but she had done a lot of jobs during those years which had nothing to do with being cop.

Octavia hummed, beginning to wash the dishes. Echo grabbed a dishcloth to help her.

“What about you? What is there to know about Bellamy’s little sister?” Echo said, a playful smile on her lips.

“Nothing” Octavia shrugged. “Just an ordinary girl”.

“You’ll forgive me if I tell you I don’t buy it?” Echo smirked.

“Well” Octavia chuckled, “A girl is free to think what she wants!”

Echo chuckled back at the GOT reference as they continued to wash the dishes in silence. But Echo’s mind was running full speed; who was Octavia?

 

 

Anya was leaning against the counter, while Raven didn’t know where to put herself.

“I’m sorry, Anya” Raven finally spoke, “I didn’t want to do it behind your back but...”

“But you did” Anya ended her sentence. “When I had forbidden you to”.

“You have to understand” Raven pleaded, “We needed those data, we...”

“ _We_?” Anya cut her off.

“Us, the group, Clarke, and...”

“They’ll always come first” Anya let a long sigh escape, “Won’t they?”

Raven’s eyes widened, understanding what Anya was implying. “Anya, that’s different, we’ve been through...”

“A lot of things together, I know” Anya said again. “Is this going to be your excuse every time you want to justify yourself?”

Anya was beginning to raise her voice and get angry; she was really trying not to snap at Raven, but frustration was growing inside her.

“We always did what we had to do to survive!” Raven raised her voice in return, “What would you expect us to do?”

“But I’m not the enemy, Raven!” Anya growled back, “That’s not me you have to fight!”

“BUT I’M NOT SURE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED!” Raven shouted, finally getting her deep thoughts out of her chest. Her eyes widened at the second the words were out.

“There it is” Anya said with sadness written all over her voice, and defeated. “The real problem is, you won’t ever trust me like you trust them, will you?”

“Anya” Raven murmured, feeling she had hurt the other girl pretty bad, “You know that’s different...”

“But it shouldn’t be” Anya sighed again, beginning to pace into the room, “We are supposed to be _one_ person, together, go through life _together”_ “Anya said, trying really hard to keep her voice from breaking, “Or is it not your idea of a relationship?”

“So now, we are in a relationship...?” Raven half-asked half-stated, an eye brow raised. She knew she wasn’t playing fair, but Anya was so secretive too, Raven never knew what the girl was thinking about, what her feelings were, and it was driving her crazy for a while now.

“Don’t you dare tell me we’re not” Anya said, picking up a more serious tone, pointing Raven with her finger. “Kissing each other means being in a relationship. Sleeping in the same bed cuddling almost every night means being in a relationship” Anya gritted her teeth. “I am as _scared_ as you are, Raven. But _I_ let my walls down for you, I broke every principle I had, for _you_. Because we mean something to each other, Raven, and we are supposed to share something _together._ We’re supposed to go through hard times together, to help each other”.

“I never asked for your help!” Raven retorted, “I don’t need anyone to...”

“Will you please stop acting tough for once and just accept you’re a _cripple_ who needs it!” Anya cut her off by yelling, immediately putting her hand on her mouth when the words were out.

Raven, chocked, didn’t move, barely blinked. Something had snapped inside her. She was seeing them all, all the people who had hurt her, or insulted her because of her brace. The situations she had found herself into, stuck somewhere because she couldn’t run away or walk fast enough.

Anya didn’t know what to say. Nothing could erase the words. “Raven...” She took a step towards the girl, but Raven quickly took a few steps back, putting distance between them and motioning to Anya not to approach her. She shook her head, her face blank from all emotions. She slowly turned around, grabbed her coat, without saying a single word.

She got out of the apartment, leaving Anya alone. Anya let a sob escape her lips. What the fuck had she done?

* * *

 

Lexa woke up in a jump, hearing someone knock on the door repeatedly. Clarke turned around in the bed, awake too.

“What’s that noise?” Clarke asked, whispering to Lexa.

“I don’t know. Look like there’s someone at the door” Lexa whispered back, searching around for her phone to light the way.

They both got up, walking on their toes to be as discreet as they could. There was indeed someone knocking on their door.

“Don’t open” Clarke pleaded, “What if it’s someone trying to harm us?”

Lexa lightly rolled her eyes trying to reassure Clarke. “If someone had wanted to harm us, he wouldn’t have knocked, love”.

Clarke huffed, and took a step back so Lexa could open the door.

The door opened, and they were quite surprised. Anya was standing there, tears strains on her cheeks, eyes red and looking terrible.

“Anya...?” Lexa murmured, not having seen her cousin in this state since the day her parents died, “What happened...?”

Anya sniffled, getting into the loft so Lexa could close the door. “Uhm, Raven and I, we had a fight...” Anya started, looking at Clarke; she knew Clarke had to be aware of Raven’s actions, and she wanted to know if Clarke had talked to Lexa about it before mentioning the reason of their fight. She didn’t want to create another couple fight.

“Oh” Clarke acknowledged, seeing the look Anya was giving her, “You _know_ ”.

Lexa frowned, confused. “Know what?”

Clarke sighed. She hadn’t planned to tell Lexa about it yet but since Anya was there she didn’t have a lot of different choices. She opened her mouth to talk, but then Ayden came into the living-room, probably awake and out of bed because of the noise they had made.

“Mommy? Yexa?” He asked, frowning a bit, confused as why they were all standing in the living-room in the middle of the night.

Anya sadly smiled at the boy; he had the same facial expressions as Lexa, sometimes, and it was really sweet to see. And heart-breaking  too; to see Ayden had taken more things from Lexa, than from his father.

“Anya, could you put Ayden back into bed while I explain everything to Lexa real quick?” Clarke gently asked, looking at Anya and her son to see if they were both ok with it.

“Yey!” Ayden happily said, already holding his tiny hand so Anya could lead him back to his room. Anya threw a grateful look at Clarke; spending time with the boy was really what she needed.

* * *

 

Clarke and Lexa were still standing in the living-room, Lexa’s eyes not leaving Clarke’s, very intrigued by all the mystery her cousin and she seemed to hold.

Clarke didn’t wait to talk; this discussion was inevitable. “So you remember when I told you we wanted to access Azgeda servers to look for data and stuff regarding Skaikru business?”

Lexa nodded. “Anya had forbidden Raven to do so. For her protection. For everyone’s protection”.

Clarke sighed. “Well, she went to look into it today anyways” the Blonde didn’t miss the hard look Lexa had on her face, “And I guess Anya found out about it somehow”.

“That’s the reason you wanted me to trust you, earlier? The thing you were hiding from me?” Lexa asked, trying to connect the pieces.

“Yes” Clarke nodded. “We found some things, but I wanted to be sure about it first, and I wanted to bring the news to Anya and you myself, making it sound like _I_ had done it”.

“Why?” Lexa asked, confused.

“Raven did it for me” Clarke sighed again, “And I have to protect her”.

“Clarke, from what I’ve seen, Raven is tough enough to look after herself” Lexa protested.

“Except she would sacrifice everything for me, for us” Clarke insisted, “She thinks she owes me, for everything, and she’s never putting herself first”.

Lexa chuckled at Clarke’s words. “But love, you’re like that too” Lexa said, taking Clarke’s hands in hers, “You would die for them, do unspeakable things, for them. I’ve watched every each of you” Lexa confessed with a smile, “And you’re all like that. Living for the group. Putting the others first. This is why you’re a strong family, and this is how you all survived together”.

“But it’s different for me, I...” Clarke started, only to be stopped by Lexa.

“It is not” Lexa said. “Just because you’re their leader doesn’t mean you have to take the blame for everything they do”.

“Except I do” Clarke answered, “That’s what it means, to be a leader. You take responsibility for everyone under your command”.

Lexa stayed silent a few seconds; Clarke too, both thinking about what to say next.

“I’m sorry I hid that from you” Clarke confessed in a whisper. Clarke hated hiding things from Lexa, she hated it so much; but she had to think about the group, too.

“You did what you thought was right” Lexa admitted in a calm and somehow defeated voice. The Brunette knew Clarke would always be driven to put the others first; to put _them_ first. She wasn’t really ok with it yet, because she was on the other side, fearing of being left-out, but she knew it was how Clarke was, and that even _she_ could not do anything to change that. She had to trust Clarke on this; and as scary as it sounded, she trusted her.  

“I trust you, Lexa” Clarke whispered, taking Lexa’s hands in hers. “You have to believe that. But you also have to believe that I will always want to protect _you_ too” Clarke confessed. “Even if it means hiding stuff from you until I’m sure it’s not a direct threat to you, or Ayden”.

Lexa sadly smiled. “I understand”.

“Good” Clarke offered a tiny smile in return. Then, it disappeared as Clarke was opening her mouth again. “I’m sorry for going behind Anya’s back” Clarke sighed.

“You didn’t” Lexa said. “Raven did”.

She saw Clarke was going to protest once again, and quickly spoke again.

“Raven made a choice on her own. You’re not guilty of that” Lexa then settled. “Anya is hurt, but she’ll recover. She doesn’t quite know how your group works yet; she cannot see, but she’ll understand soon. Go look after Raven” Lexa said, already putting Clarke’s coat around her shoulders, “And tell her it’s ok”.

Clarke nodded, love spreading in every part of her body for this wonderful and understanding woman she got to call hers. And Clarke was grateful, so grateful. They quickly shared a kiss on the lips before Clarke was out in the night, texting Raven so she could find her.

* * *

 

Anya went to put Ayden back into bed as Lexa and Clarke were talking into the living-room.

“You’re okay, Aya?” Ayden sweetly asked with a concerned frown on his forehead.

“I will be” Anya said with a tiny voice.

Ayden laid back under his covers, and then gestured for Anya to come lay next to him. He was still a small boy after all, this bed was too big for him alone.

“Why are you sad, Aya?” he said, turning on his side so he could see Anya’s face.

Anya chuckled, because nothing seemed to escape the boy.

“I had a fight with Raven” Anya confessed. No need to lie; she was feeling like she could talk to Ayden as if he was much older than five.

Ayden immediately frowned. “What fight?”

Anya immediately understood Ayden’s concerns. “We said some bad things at each other, and we yelled at each other because we were mad and upset. We didn’t hit each other, I promise”.

“I know” He hummed. “You are good persons”.

Anya sadly chuckled. She really hoped she was, at least.

“You know, Rae is really kind and funny” Ayden then said, “She won’t be mad for long”.

“I really hope so” Anya sighed.

“Yexa says it’s ok for grown-ups to fight when they don’t agree with each other” He told Anya, getting closer to her so he could lay on her chest, “She says it means they don’t let the other person walk on their feet. But that you also have to respect the person you’re fighting with”.

“It’s kind of true” Anya had to admit, getting more comfortable on the tiny bed.

“And Mommy says that, when you really love someone, you have to try to understand the reasons why they disagree with you. Because people have history, and that fights are almost always because of something we fear” Ayden repeated her mother’s words.

Anya smiled; she wasn’t sure if the boy really understood what he was saying, but it was sure making Anya think and re-think things. Then, she felt Ayden’s breath calm down, a sign he was slowly falling asleep. Anya considered getting out of his bed to go back into the living-room, but figured out staying with him for a few more minutes wouldn’t hurt.

* * *

 

Clarke was actively walking towards Arcadia. There was only one place Raven could have gone to, the place where she was going every time she was really shook by something; Clarke’s apartment in Arcadia. Boy, how many breakdowns they had helped each other through, in this crappy apartment and on this couch they were not sure it really was a couch.

On her way, Clarke called Raven’s phone to make sure the girl was safe. Raven picked up at the other end of the line, but did not talk. Clarke wasn’t surprised; she was expecting it, and was even glad Raven had picked her call up.

“Rae” Clarke gently said, “Anya came here, at Lexa’s place, told us you two had a fight. I’m on my way to Arcadia, to stay with you. Are you there already?”

On the other end of the phone, there wasn’t an answer, but Clarke knew she was listening.

“It’s ok, Raven. I will be here in five minutes tops. Hang on until then, ok?” Clarke was hurrying herself. She knew what state Raven was in. If she wasn’t in arcadia soon enough, Raven would have a panic attack and would be alone through it; it could last hours, and it was the most awful thing Raven could have gone through.

“I’m staying on the phone, ok Raven?” Clarke kept talking, trying to prevent Raven’s panic attack from happening, “I’m here.”

Clarke was at the foot of the building, and ran into the stairs to get to Raven, not bothering to look for her keys as Raven had already opened the apartment’s door.

Clarke busted into her place, Raven leaning against her couch, eyes opened but not looking at anything. Clarke dropped her phone, shoes and coat somewhere near the door and let herself fall next to Raven. She needed to be careful with her friend; things could trigger Raven, when she was in this state. Thankfully, Clarke was the one who perfectly knew how to deal with her in those situations, and she was silently thanking Anya for showing up on their doorstep; otherwise, she didn’t know if Raven would have called her to help her calm down.

“Hey, Rae” Clarke gently said, putting a hand on Raven’s shoulder, lightly squeezing it. It was what Clarke had always done to her when she was in therapy to learn to walk again, after her leg problems. Clarke knew Raven had associated this touch to her, and that she would react to it.

Indeed, Raven recognised the touch, and slowly turned her head towards the Blonde. A tear rolled down her cheek. “Clarke” Raven whispered, so low Clarke almost missed it.

But Clarke was relieved Raven wasn’t too far gone, and smiled to her. “Yeah, it’s me”.

She properly sat down by Raven’s side, putting a hand on Raven’s forearm. And then, she waited in silence. It was all she needed to do; wait until Raven came back to her, acknowledge her touch and lean into her, making Clarke understood Raven was out of her post –traumatic stress phase.

And a few minutes after, Raven was leaning her whole body against Clarke’s taking the Blonde’s arm in her hands, as to ground herself.

“You’re ok?” Clarke finally asked. She knew that now, they could talk without any danger.

“I don’t know” Raven’s voice shook.

“Anya wasn’t ok, either” Clarke informed her friend. She let Raven take the information in.

“She found out, about my research into Azgeda servers” Raven murmured.

“I know” Clarke gently hummed. “It’s ok. I talked to Lexa about it”.

“Lexa wasn’t mad?” Raven asked.

“A bit, because we did it behind Anya’s back, and behind hers” Clarke truthfully answered. “But she understands why we did it”.

“Anya didn’t” Raven then whispered, her voice hoarse from crying.

“But she will” Clarke gently told her, running her thumb on Raven’s hand, “With time”.

“I’m not so sure” Raven whimpered.

“Rae, this whole thing is new to her” Clarke murmured, “So she doesn’t really understand everything yet, and it’s normal. But she deeply cares about you, you shouldn’t leave her out of things like this”.

“But what if...” Raven started, but Clarke cut her off.

“I know what you are going to say” Clarke gently interrupted her, “But how can you really know if she’s trustworthy if you don’t open up to her?”

Raven let a tiny sob escape her chest, and Clarke took it as a good sign.

“Rae, love is not about protecting yourself” Clarke gently smiled, “It’s about taking risks on a person you really like. You can’t know if it will end badly or not, you can’t know if the other one will break your heart, but at some point you just gotta try and throw yourself into it, you know? Because if you don’t jump, you’ll never how you’ll land. You have to let the walls down...!”  

Raven sniffed, nodding against Clarke’s shoulder. “I know it’s not easy, Rae” Clarke talked again, “But I took that risk with Lexa. And I’m _so_ glad I did. You won’t betray anyone if you let yourself fall, too”.

Raven snuggled into Clarke’s body, and the Blonde put both her arms around her friend to hug her. “I am so grateful for you, Raven” Clarke whispered into Raven’s ear, “And can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done, for me, for the group. But now, it’s _your_ time to live. _Fully_ live. You understand me?”

Raven nodded, hugging Clarke a bit harder. It was all Raven needed and they both knew it; that now, none of them were alone in this shit. That they could start to live again, really live, fully and 24/7, that maybe they all deserved to be happy after all; that maybe, they didn’t have to choose between the ones they loved and their family anymore.

 


	54. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for another chapter! Thank you thank you for everyone still reading me and sending comments and kudos and everything, I love ya all! I'm like dead sick with the cold stuck in my bed, so I was re-reading some of your reviews and they still matter to me, whether they're from last chapter or the first one!
> 
> I started school again two weeks ago, made friends who will probably be amazing, I'm having a great time, although I'm sick, but hey, a girl can be happy still ;)
> 
> What about you? Come chat with me if you need/want to!

** Chapter 53 : Together **

_Song : Lighthouse by Alex G_

An hour after Anya had come knocking at their door and Raven’s breakdown, Anya exited Ayden’s bedroom to join Lexa who was waiting for her on the couch.

“Hey” Anya whispered, planting herself next to her cousin.

Lexa hummed back. Anya was grateful for Lexa’s silence; she knew her cousin would listen when she would be ready to talk. They spend some time just sitting here, enjoying each other’s company. Anya had had trouble understanding why Lexa wouldn’t want to talk, before Clarke, and just stay there in silence. But now, she understood ; the silence was often the most talkative thing in the world.

“I think I screwed up” Anya finally said, talking with a low voice because she was a bit ashamed.

“You think?” Lexa raised a brow, fully turning towards her cousin, “Clarke just called me to say that Raven nearly went into a panic attack”.

“I’m sorry” Anya murmured.

“An, I’m not the one you should apologise to” Lexa gently said, surprising Anya who was kind of expecting her to yell at her face for her stupidity.

“I know you don’t understand how they work yet” Lexa continued, “And I know how you must feel. Like Raven will always put the group first, leaving you behind” Lexa said. “. That she will never chose you. I felt that way too with Clarke, first.” The younger woman admitted.

“What changed then?” Anya asked, frowning at her cousin’s confession.

“I did” Lexa hummed. “This group, Anya, it’s a huge thing” She gestured with her hands. “They all fit in, they all have their parts to play, and no one is being left-out. That’s how they survived everything they went through; as a solid unity, as a _family_.”

“So how are we supposed to catch up with this?” Anya asked, a bit irritated.

“You don’t!” Lexa exclaimed. “That’s what you don’t understand; with them, you’re either part of the pack, or not at all. Raven introduced you to her friends when you were not even _dating_ her, Anya” Lexa said, “You’re important to her, so important she let you get into the group”.

Anya was listening with wide ears everything Lexa was saying and it was beginning to click in her mind. 

“I am not afraid of being left-out because I’m full part of Clarke’s life now” Lexa said again, “And that also means I’m part of their community too. And because they care about Clarke, they’ll care about me”.

“So I really screwed this up, uh...?” Anya murmured; her brain was running wild as everything was now making sense.

“Yeah, you did” Lexa hummed. She got closer to her cousin, and put her hand on her knee. “Raven, Octavia, Clarke and every each of them will _always_ be torn between doing what they want or deserve and what’s the best for the group. But now, _we_ are the group too” Lexa explained to the older woman.

“If Raven had had another choice, she wouldn’t have done it behind your back. But you’re the public head of Trikru, she couldn’t put you in such a delicate situation, where everything could have gone wrong if someone had found out you had agreed with her infiltrating Azgeda’s servers” Lexa added. “I know it’s hard to believe, but I think sometimes they are trying to protect _us_ first, even before the group”. Lexa concluded, thinking about her earlier discussion with Clarke about hiding things from her for her own good and protection.

“Maybe you’re right” Anya murmured.

“An’, you _know_ I’m right” Lexa gently smiled, and nudged her cousin’s shoulder. “Raven is in Arcadia, Clarke’s apartment. Go, she needs you”.

Anya didn’t spend hours thinking about it, jumped from the couch and was gone into the night a minute after.

Alone in the living-room, Lexa chuckled at her cousin’s behaviour, hoping things would settle between those two strong-headed women.

But then, a sleepy Ayden was walking towards her wiping his eyes, awoken once more by the door banging close.

“Hey big boy” Lexa gently said to him, opening her arms, “You’re not asleep?”

“The door makes too much noise” He frowned, yawning at the same time.

It brought a big smile on Lexa’s face as the boy was climbing on top of her, snuggling his nose into her neck.

“Where’s Mommy?” Ayden asked, and Lexa tensed; if the boy asked for his mom and she wasn’t there, she didn’t know how to handle it.

“She went to see Raven for a while” Lexa said with the gentlest voice she could, not to alarm the boy, “She will be back soon”.

“Ok” Ayden nodded.

“Ok?” Lexa was surprised he wasn’t making a fuss.  

“She is helping Anya and Raven so they can be great friends again” Ayden shrugged, settling on Lexa’s chest and closing his eyes.

Lexa chuckled, amazed once again by this little man.

* * *

 

Anya rushed into the stairs to get to Clarke’s floor. Clarke had called her on her way back to Lexa’s loft, telling she had left Raven in her apartment with the promise Anya would probably come see her. Clarke explained Raven’s panic attacks to her, and how to handle them if Raven was to breakdown again. Anya had silently promised herself to never be the source of Raven’s pain again.

Anya was finally in front of Clarke’s door, suddenly very nervous. She lightly knocked on it, and opened it when nothing came out of behind it.

Raven was sitting on the couch, looking exhausted and drained. She was paler than Anya was used to, and her brace wasn’t on, which was making Raven’s bad leg have a weird shape since Raven couldn’t move it properly.

But what struck Anya the most were Raven’s eyes; pained, still glassy, but very surprised.

“You came” Raven whispered. It was more a statement than a question.

“Yeah well” Anya tried to light the atmosphere, “Someone acted like a dumbass and needs to apologise”.

Anya’s smile grew a bit when Raven tiredly chuckled. The Woods woman got rid of her shoes and coat, and went to sit on the couch, not far from Raven but not close enough to be physically in contact with her; Clarke had also warned Anya about Raven’s tendency to reject any human touch after a breakdown.

“So, I need to say some things” Anya started, gathering strength, “and you have to let me finish before you can speak”.

“Anya...” Raven started to protect already.

“Don’t start!” Anya playfully said, then added in a more serious tone, “I’m being brave right now. Let me be brave for five minutes without interrupting me.”

Raven squinted her eyes in suspicion, but nodded her agreement to Anya anyways.

“I am still angry at you for going behind my back” Anya started. “We were at work, and I had given you a clear order you didn’t respect. But Raven, I am truly sorry” Anya sighed, “I know you did what you thought was right, and that it’s your way of doing with the group and everything. I should have considered it sooner. I’m also sorry for being such a dumbass with you. You didn’t deserve the words I said, and I will never apologise enough for that” Anya was trying hard to keep her tears at bay. “You mean a lot to me, Raven, and I’m not used to care about someone that much. I guess it runs in the family” Anya chuckled through a teary voice, earning a wet chuckle from Raven too.

“What I’m trying to say is that I want to be in your family, Rae” Anya finally said the words, “I want to be a full part of you. And I’m taking everything; your smiles and your laughs and your qualities but your defaults too, your bad and angry days. I’m even taking the brace package, how could am I right?” Anya joked, earning another laugh from Raven.

“I want to try this. Us, full time” Anya concluded. “I know I hurt you, and that you’ll probably need time to forgive me. I’ll give you time, I promise. What do you say?”

“I don’t need time” Raven murmured, silent tears running on her cheeks. “I just want you...!” Raven’s voice cracked.  

Anya smiled, tears falling from her eyes too.

“You know how we work, how protective of each other we are, and how we all owe our lives to each other” Raven managed to say through her tears.

“Yeah I do” Anya hummed, putting a comforting hand on Raven’s good leg that Raven immediately took in her own.

“You’ll have to bear with me, and with the group, and everything messy and complicated in our lives. Are you ready for that?” Raven asked.

“Yes” Anya got up and went to sit next to Raven so she could take her in her arms. Raven, always so strong, was crying, and it was something Anya couldn’t bare for more than a minute. “I’m ready for everything as long as you’re with me”.

Raven shakily nodded, her head buried into Anya’s shoulder.

“We’re gonna be ok, you and I” Anya murmured, running a calming hand on Raven’s back, “We’re strong women. We can lean on each other”.

“We’ll make it?” Raven timidly asked, vulnerability written all over her voice. Anya was thankful for it; it meant Raven trusted her enough to let her be by Raven’s side when she was at her most vulnerable.

“Yeah” Anya nodded, hugging the girl a bit tighter, “Clarke and Lexa did it. Why not us?”

Raven chuckled, sniffing at the same time.

“But we have to promise something to each other though” Anya said, getting serious one last time. “We can’t keep things from the other one. We have to be true to the other, even if it means hurting her, make her angry or anything. We’ve gotta be sincere, every step of the way, for better or for worst. Okay?”

“Yeah” Raven hummed, “I promise”.

“I promise, too” Anya said.

They stayed in each other’s arms for a while, and then Anya felt Raven shiver against her.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed” Anya said, getting up and holding her hands so Raven could lift her arms.

“You’re not going to carry me” Raven disagreed, “Give me my brace.”

Anya looked at her with a tender smile, cocking her head to the side. “For better or for worse, Rae?”

Raven bit her lower lip, still deciding whether she was going to let Anya carry her to the bedroom, and then huffed. “Fine.”

Anya laughed, put her arms around Raven’s torso and under her knees and lifted her up from the couch.

“Don’t make me fall, don’t make me fall!” Raven was repeatedly saying, making Anya laugh even more.

“I won’t ever” Anya replied with the same playful tone; although Raven did get what Anya was saying behind those words. 

* * *

 

Clarke opened the loft’s door, shivering as the cold air was freezing her ass off. She quickly got rid of her shoes and coat, beginning to look into the apartment for Lexa. Then, she spotted her, asleep with Ayden asleep as well on her chest. Clarke couldn’t help but smile and took her phone out to capture the moment.

The sound woke up Lexa, who scrubbed her eyes awake. She saw Clarke standing in front of her, grinning like an idiot.

“What?” Lexa raised a brow, a playful smile on her lips.

“I love you” Clarke smiled.

Lexa’s own smile grew bigger; she had heard the words lots of times now, but it still was sending shivers down her all body every time they were getting out of Clarke’s mouth.

The Blonde leaned over her to kiss her gently, removed the still sleeping boy from Lexa, and went into his bedroom to tuck him in.

Lexa got up, and went back under the covers to wait for Clarke.  While waiting for her, Lexa thought more about the conversation they had had with Anya. How they had managed to make it work, against all odds, despite every difficulties, and how proud of them Lexa was. How grateful she was, too; because Clarke always said Lexa had saved her life, but how it really was Clarke that saved Lexa from herself.

Clarke entered the bedroom, quickly put on some pyjamas and joined Lexa in the warm bed, snuggling against her.

“Clarke?” Lexa hummed, gently pulling on Clarke’s arm so the girl was now on top of her.

“Yeah?” Clarke breathed, maybe already sensing where this was heading.

“Make love to me” Lexa bit her lower lip, tugging Clarke closer.

“With pleasure” Clarke grinned, lowering her head to seal their lips into a passionate kiss.


	55. Updates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! I'm back for another chapter, and no, i'm not dead! Life has been really full for me those past few months, I met wonderful people who took a lot of my time, but I never stopped thinking about this fic, and I really want to go through with it; I kind of feel like I owe it to you, you know?   
> Anyways, here's another chapter!

** Chapter 54 : Updates **

_Song : I’m with you by Vance Joy_

 

A couple of months had passed since Raven and Anya’s outburst, and everything had been going ok since then. They all had been sharing their apartments with one another because of the construction workers, working to rebuild the old building.

Ayden had been making very good progress in school, and appeared to love it; after each day, Clarke would pick him up from school and drop him at Lexa’s office before heading to her job ; a nurse in Polis’ hospital.

Being back to work had give Clarke the missing pieces she needed for her life to completely start again. Now, she was able to buy things for Ayden or herself on her own, without using Lexa’s account – not that Lexa had minded – and that was making her proud. The fact that her friends and Lexa were very supportive was a great deal for her too, obviously.

Lexa was happier than she never had been. For her, everything was perfect; she had good friends, a lot more than she thought she could have, people she could almost call family, a beautiful and caring and funny girlfriend she loved more than anything, a fantastic little six years old boy she secretly called her son, and a full life in front of her she wanted to make as great as possible.

Ayden too, was living a blast since half a year; having two full time moms was the best thing he could ask and wish for – besides, he had a ton of uncles and aunts he could annoy and play with -. Ayden loved seeing his mom so smiley and happy, because it had been a long time since he saw his mom truly happy. And Lexa, well, Lexa was still Ayden’s hero, the woman who had saved him and loved him when nothing was telling her to; he was in complete adoration of this woman, and tried to spend his days proving it to her.

“Ayden, come here, I finally found it!” Clarke laughed after having spent ten minutes searching for his missing shoe.

Ayden came in the living-room running, only one shoe on his feet. “Where was it?”

“Under the couch” Clarke playfully huffed, “I don’t think you looked that well..!”

Ayden grinned at his mother while she was putting the shoe on.

“Alright blind kid, let’s go to school!” Clarke said, throwing Ayden’s coat at him and picking his schoolbag up.

Clarke took her own stuff and got out of the house, Ayden already outside and waiting to say goodbye. As she had a morning shift, Clarke couldn’t drop him at the school today, so Bellamy was the one to pick him up and bring him to school before going to work.

“Hey kiddo” Bellamy said, parking in front of them.

“Hi Bell!” Ayden excitedly said, throwing his bag on the back seats and climbing into the police car.

Clarke and Bellamy both chuckled at the boy’s enthusiasm; they both knew he was only excited about riding into a police’s car -.

“Hi Clarkey” Bellamy smiled, hugging the blonde, “How are you doing?”

“Fine, what ‘bout you Blake?” Clarke answered, smiling back.

“Well, nothing new, I’m glad Octavia’s coming back tonight! Lincoln is so grumpy I actually start wanting to hit the man in the face” He complained, making Clarke laugh.

“Well, I can understand him, I miss her” Clarke chuckled.

 “Yeah yeah, I miss my sister too. Still ok for tonight?” he asked, getting back in his car.

“Yeah, at 8!” Clarke answered.

“Alright, see you tonight!” Bellamy waved goodbye at her.

“See you tonight! Have fun at school tonight buddy!” Clarke waved at the boys, watching them drive away.

She hurried herself to grab her bus; she didn’t want to be late for work.

* * *

 

 In her office, Lexa was very productive, and was proud of herself for how great the day had begun. Well, she did promise to Clarke she was going to pick up Ayden at school at five so they could start making preparations for their family dinner with everyone, and she wanted to do as many things as she could before leaving.

“Lexa, Indra has the files you asked about Skaikru downstairs” Anya said, coming into her office.

“Thanks” Lexa smiled, closing her computer and taking her jacket to head to the underground bunker.

“Oh, and Lexa?” Anya asked before Lexa was into the elevator.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want us to bring tonight?”

Lexa smiled. “Us?”

“Yeah well” Anya huffed, “I practically spend half my time in Arcadia with Raven so, we have to come together”.

“Relax Anya, I was just messing with you” Lexa chuckled.

“I know, baby cousin” Anya smirked.

“Don’t call me that!” Lexa playfully grumped, “And tonight, just bring your asses!” Lexa shouted before the elevators’ doors were closing.

Anya huffed again before returning to her – official – office.

* * *

 

 In the bunker, Indra was watching Octavia fight with sticks with Athol, another guy of the ghost team. She had become really good over the years, and Indra would never admit it, but Octavia was maybe the best ghost they never had.

Then, she spotted Lexa coming down the stairs.

“Hello, Lexa” Indra said, smiling at Lexa’s glowing good mood.

“Indra” Lexa greeted back, giving her forearm for Indra to shake.

“I’ve got the files you wanted” Indra said.

“Did you read it?”

“No” Indra waved her head, “I did not. I’m not really into paperwork”.

Lexa chuckled, because she would never have thought she would be a desk girl, either.

“What are you expecting to find?” Indra asked, still watching Octavia train.

“I don’t know” Lexa truthfully answered, “But we lack information about this whole Skaikru thing, and if Nia is interested in it, that’s not a coincidence, there’s got to be something”.

“I agree” Indra nodded.

“Is that Octavia over there?” Lexa asked, changing the subject.

“Yes” Indra nodded, “She was back yesterday.”

Lexa hummed. As Indra, she watched Octavia train. The black haired woman was at the top of her art, and even Lexa had to admit Octavia was really good at her job. After having spent half a year with Clarke and her family, she now could understand better the importance of this job for Octavia, as well as for the entire family.

Lexa had come to learn it; everyone was useful, one way or another; each of them had a purpose, a mission, for the group to be as safe as possible, as happy as they could be. They were functioning as a whole, as a little community of their very own where everyone was important. Even Lexa could feel her importance some time, and it was warming her heart every time one of them would do an act of trust or affection, whether it was regarding Ayden, or eating together, or asking her to accompany Raven to her medical appointment when no one else could.

Indra, too, was sensing the change in Lexa, Anya and Octavia’s behaviour; weight was lifted off their shoulders, and heavy decisions were not that heavy now. First, she had been a bit weary; Lexa had never really trusted someone else than Anya, and she had first feared Clarke had the only goal of taking advantage of Lexa’s money. But then, she had seen the benefit of having Clarke for Lexa; after years of putting head before heart, Lexa was finally living like one was supposed to, and Indra could see how liberating that was for the young leader.

Lexa smiled as Octavia was coming in their direction.

“Heda” Octavia nodded her head as a greeting, though Lexa was able to see the genuine smile forming on the girl’s lips at seeing her after a few months away.

“Hi, Octavia” Lexa smiled back, happy to see her back.

“Go fetch Raven in the technical wing” Indra ordered her, “And meet us in my office”.

Octavia nodded and walked away.

“Do you trust them with whatever we’ll learn about Skaikru?” Lexa asked.

“They are Skaikru. Besides, _you_ already trust them. If we don’t tell them what we learn now, they’ll probably learn it over dinner or something of the sort” Indra scoffed, although they both knew she was not really angry nor in disagreement.

* * *

 

Octavia lightly jogged towards Raven’s desk and had to suppress bursting into laughter in seeing Raven grunting and grumbling about some wires not being at the place they should be or something like that; Octavia wasn’t really sure to understand.

“Rae” Octavia whispered in the girl’s ear, making her jump as she nearly fell off her chair.

“You crazy!” Raven shouted, grabbing the desk to avoid falling on her butt and trying to regain some balance, “I’ll murder you!”

Octavia busted in laughter, grabbing her friend to put her back on her chair. Raven was still sending daggers at her with her eyes, but Octavia knew she wasn’t really angry.

“What do you want, Blake” Raven huffed, focusing once more on the mess of wires sitting on her desk.

“Lexa’s here, and Indra wants us in her office” Octavia regained some serious.

It struck Raven’s curiosity. “What for?”

“I don’t know” Octavia shrugged. “They’ll tell us soon enough”.

“Well” Raven sighted, “it’s never good news”.

“We’ll see, Rae” Octavia tried to cheer up her friend, “Maybe it’s not that bad”.

“Whatever” Raven said, quickly putting her work away and getting up.

“Hey” Octavia stopped her before she could walk away, “You should talk to Clarke about... You know. She’s the only one who could actually help you”.  

Raven sighed again; she knew Octavia was right. Something was bothering her for a while now, and he had talked about it to a few people, but the only one who could really do something about it was Clarke; Clarke, who wasn’t aware of what was troubling Raven’s mind.

“I don’t know, O” Raven said, beginning to walk towards Indra’s office. “I don’t want to bother her.”

“Rae” Octavia gently bumped her shoulder, “You know you wouldn’t be bothering her. If anything, she’ll rather be upset you didn’t tell her anything until it was eating you from the inside”.

“Hm” Raven hummed, not very convinced, “I don’t know”.

They were reaching Indra’s door. “Talk to Clarke, Rae” Octavia looked at her friend with the _you’ll do what I say_ look.

Raven rolled her eyes, and pushed Indra’s door open.

* * *

 

 Echo and Bellamy were sitting in their car, waiting for something to happen in the neighborhood they had to keep watch in.

“Why not come tonight?” Bellamy asked her for the billionth time this week.

“I don’t know about that Bell” Echo sighed, “I’ve got work to do, researches to look at, and frankly, I don’t think your family likes me”.

Bellamy frowned. Echo and he had been paired together for a few months now, and surprisingly, he had come to care for the girl. She was one of the few people he liked outside of his family, and it was doing him good.

“They do like you, Echo” Bellamy answered, half-rolling his eyes, “They’re just overprotective sometimes, they don’t mean harm.”

Echo hummed. Deep inside, she knew his family appreciated her, and she was feeling bad she had to lie to Bellamy about not feeling comfortable around them. She _was_ comfortable, and much to her surprise they were good people; the contrary of what Nia had described them to be. She was beginning to doubt the purpose of her mission; something she had never done before. Then again, she had too much to lose if she didn’t execute Nia’s orders; it was not a possibility to disobey her.

So here she was, wanting to spend the night with Bellamy and his friends, but knowing she couldn’t; she knew she was beginning to get too close to him, and was feeling herself care about the man. He couldn’t interfere with her mission, nor could he be a distraction.

“Come on Echo, you’ll have fun” Bellamy insisted.

Echo sighed. On the other hand, Nia had ordered her to grow close to the man to discover the group’s secrets. And she was feeling awful having to use him to gather intel about them and having to openly lie to him; although Echo didn’t know very well if she was only pretending to care, now.

“Alright” Echo conceded, “But you’re definitely helping me with those researches tomorrow”.

“Yes!” Bellamy fist pumped in the air.

Echo laughed, amused by the man’s behavior.


	56. New Bruises And New Puzzle Pieces

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people! First of all, thank you for everyone who's still sending me reviews, I try to answer them all, and I love reading you guys, so keep going!  
> You're welcome to make suggestions on the story, as long as it's constructive and not meant as an insult to me, obviously. ;)  
> If you want to learn (a bit) more about it, you can follow me on instagram and come talk to me! here's my pseudo : "sixtineschmidt" ;)
> 
> Enough talk, here's a new chapter!

Chapter 55 : New Bruises and New Puzzle Pieces

_Song : Earth by Sleeping at Last_

Clarke was sporting a smile as she was walking in the hospital’s corridors, wearing her white work clothes with pink short sleeves, the typical nurse outfit of the hospital.

“Hi Clarke” Beth quickly waved at her, arms filled with bandages and stuff, “The team’s waiting for you in the office”.

“Thanks Beth” Clarke smiled at her co-worker.

Beth was the one Clarke worked the most with, and had greatly helped her start the new job. Clarke entered the office, taking a sit around the table.

“So, let’s begin” Olivier started, gesturing for the night shift’s nurses to begin. Clarke was working in the ER.

“Patient in room 34 has a broken arm” Paula said, “We’re waiting for the Xrays to be done but they’re not enough upstairs to be free right now”.

Clarke nodded, writing it down.

“Room 35 is ok, just a burn on the arm, and free to go home once the doctor has prescribed the cream for the burn” Paula continued.

“Oh, room 36 is for you Clarke” Beth said, having come back from wherever she went, dropping the room 36’s patient’s file on the table.

“Why?” Clarke chuckled.

“Lost kid” Olivier shrugged, “She has a couple of bruises all over her body, but won’t talk to anyone. Maybe she’s deaf, or mute I don’t know”.

“So I’m the one to call to deal with weird kids?” Clarke raised a brow, amused at her co-workers.

“Well duh” Paula said, a smile on her lips, “You’re the only one with a kid in this room”.

“Yeah whatever” Clarke playfully rolled her eyes, getting up and taking the files with her to the 36th box to take care of the kid.

Clarke had to suppress a gasp when she opened the box’s door. A girl was sitting here, didn’t look much older than Ayden, and was covered in bruises.

 “Hello!” Clarke introduced herself, trying to sound cheerful not to scare the little girl. Clarke frowned when she didn’t answer, nor did the girl seem to acknowledge her presence.

“I’m a nurse; I am going to take a look at you to see what’s wrong, ok?” Clarke asked, getting closer to the girl.

Clarke saw the girl flinch as she was only a few centimetres away.

“I am not going to hurt you, Ok? I just need to look at these bruises” Clarke reassured the little girl, without too much success as the kid was keeping her arms away from Clarke’s reach.

“You know, I have a little boy” Clarke started talking, “And he often trips and falls hard, and he often gets big bruises like yours. It hurts him too, but then he lets me look at it and I can make it better”.

The girl eyed Clarke for a few seconds, probably trying to decide if Clarke was trustable, and then un-crossed her arms for Clarke to look at them.

“Good” Clarke smiled, coming to sit on the hospital bed next to the kid. “So, did you fall?”

The kid said no with her head, still not crossing Clarke’s eyes.

“What then? Did you hit yourself with something? While playing maybe?” Clarke asked again, examining the girl’s body.

The girl said no with her head again. Clarke frowned. “What happened, then?”

“That is none of your business” The little girl finally said, firmly looking in the Blonde’s eyes, surprising Clarke.

“Oh so you _can_ talk!” Clarke gently joked, “Here I thought I would have to check your mouth to see if you still had your tongue”.

The girl lowered her eyes, smiling too.

“So nothing is broken” Clarke said, finishing checking the girl’s legs, also covered in bruises, “Do you have bruises somewhere else?”

Clarke had a weird feeling settling in her stomach; like something wasn’t right, and she girl’s behavior wasn’t helping. She looked at the little girl, who wasn’t moving, but Clarke could tell there was something she wanted to say.

“How old are you?” Clarke gently asked.

“Seven” The girl answered.

“Oh, you’re a big girl then” Clarke smiled, “What’ your name?”

The little girl hesitated for a while, probably wondering if it was safe giving her name to Clarke. It was saddening Clarke, because in her way she could recognise herself in the girl; not being able to trust anyone, doubting everyone who would come too close. Clarke was sure of it; this girl had not just fall or tripped while playing. The bruises she got were there because someone had put them here.

“Tara” The little girl finally murmured.

“Hello then, Tara” Clarke tried to cheer up the girl, “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Tara lowered her eyes once more, and it was pulling at Clarke’s heart.

“Tara, I will not hurt you. You can talk to me freely, about whatever you want. Do you understand?”

Tara timidly nodded, but without opening her mouth.

“Is someone hurting you?” Clarke lowered her voice.  

“No!” Tara answered quickly, maybe too quickly to be sincere; as if it was words she had learned to repeat.

“Alright big girl” Clarke gently said, not wanting to scare the girl and running her hand up and down Tara’s arm, “You know you can tell me anything, alright?”

Tara only nodded. Clarke was going to ask another question, but a woman busted into the room.

“Tara, you’re here” The woman said with an ice cold voice which sent shivers all the way down Clarke’s spine.

Clarke immediately sensed a shift in Tara; the girl stopped smiling immediately.

“Excuse-me, who are you?” Clarke asked the woman.

“Ontari Ice” The woman said with the same cold tone, “I am Tara’s guardian. I suppose her teacher has overreacted about the extent of the girl’s bruises, and Tara has taken the occasion to bring pity over herself” Ontari said with a disdain look at the little girl.

Tara was looking at the floor, and Clarke was starting to get angry.

“Tara has a last exam to pass” Clarke lied, “So if you’ll please excuse-me, you can go in the waiting room while she’s taken upstairs for the scan”.

Ontari locked her eyes with Clarke for a few seconds, as if he was testing the truth behind Clarke’s words.

“Alright” Ontari said, turning around and getting out of the room.

Clarke waited a bit to be sure she was gone, and then turned towards Tara.

“Tara, listen to me” Clarke said, checking that Tara was concentrated on what she was telling her, “Is this woman the one who gave you those bruises all over your body?”

Tara didn’t answer.

“Tara, I can _help_ you” Clarke insisted, “But you have to tell me what is going on”.

“I can bare it” Tara said, looking directly in Clarke’s eyes, “I am not the one she is angry at”.

Clarke was stunned by the girl’s answer, but before she could ask anything else, Tara was speaking again.

“Do I really have another exam to pass, or am I free to go?”

Clarke had to take a few seconds of processing before answering.”You are free to go if you want to” Clarke said, a bit defeated; she knew all too well that you couldn’t help someone who didn’t want help.

“Okay” Tara said, getting off of the hospital bed and putting her shoes back on.

“But take this” Clarke said, giving Tara a ointment against bruises, “Put this on your skin every time something like this happen, and remember Tara, if you ever want to talk, you can come and find me here, at the hospital. Say your name, and ask for Clarke, and I’ll come immediately, alright?”

“Thank you” Tara said, quickly getting out of the room and joining a rather looking pissed Ontari in the waiting room.

Clarke painfully watched as Ontari took a firm grasp on the girl’s shoulder to lead her out of the building.   

She really wanted to help, but with no proof, and with Tara not cooperating, she couldn’t do anything; and maybe she was just overreacting, plastering her own story on the girl.

Clarke sighed, and resumed her work.

* * *

 

Monty, Jasper, Maya and Harper were all sitting in Monty’s apartment, girls chatting and boys doing whatever they were doing on their computers. Well, Monty was the one typing on the keyboard, Jasper was pretty much looking at her friend, eyes squinted together, as if they were trying to figure out something.

“I don’t understand” Monty said, “I’ve been working on this Skaikru Company they told us about, and things don’t add up”.

“How so?” Harper asked, having heard the boys’ discussion.

“Look” Monty explained, showing the computer screen, “Officially, they don’t exist. You can’t find anything on them on the web, nothing, not one document that could prove it exists” Monty said, showing them his researches without results, “So I went onto the dark web...”

“The _dark_ web? Isn’t that illegal?” Maya asked, raising a brow.

“Since when do we care about doing things legally?” Monty argued back.

“Fair point” Maya shrugged.

“So, I went onto the dark web, and surprisingly, there was nothing here either” Monty told them, “Which is unusual because you can find pretty much anything on the internet”.

“So what does that mean?” Harper frowned, not really following.

“It means, dear” Jasper said, “That either it’s totally fake or it’s a secret really well protected.”

 “And I can hear your next question” Monty continued, “What could be protected enough not to appear on the dark web?”

“Just tell us already” Harper rolled her eyes at her dork boyfriend.

“it has to be a secret company with military purposes!” Monty said.

“But we knew this already” Maya protested, “Skaikru used to build high tech”.

“Yeah we know” Jasper rolled his eyes as if it was the dumbest comment he had ever heard, “But they also told us Skaikru was part of Coalition Corp, as the rest of the twelve other companies”.

“Yes, and?” Harper asked, still not understanding.

“Except it is _not”_ Monty answered, “It is the _Coalition_.”

“What does that mean?” Maya asked, confused.

“Before Skaikru Company was burnt to the ground, the leaders created a virus or something like that; they infested all the Companies’ servers, taking control of everything, in a legal way” Monty explained, “And before being evicted, the leaders named a successor, the only one who would be able to put everything on again.” He said, trying to clear everything for his friends. “It means that whoever was named for Skaikru’s leadership, whoever has inherited Skaikru Company, actually _owns_ Coalition Corp.”

None of them moved, too shocked, while they were trying to make sure they had understood well.

“ _Lexa_ created Coalition Corp” Maya said, trying to connect the pieces.

“Yes” Jasper nodded, “but she didn’t create the companies within it. Therefore she doesn’t own them.”

“That means... That means Skaikru’s potential leader owns every company _by right_?” Harper asked.

“Yeah. This is exactly what it means.” Jasper somberly nodded.

* * *

 

In Indra’s office, Raven, Octavia and Indra were having the same reaction as their friends in Arcadia’s building after Lexa explained to them what where in the files.

“What do you mean, Skaikru’s potential leader owns the companies?” Octavia asked.

“You heard well Octavia, I can’t simplify this more than that” Lexa answered. “And I know why Nia wants to put her hands on Skaikru, why she seems in such a hurry to bring down Clarke or pull her into her ranks, I don’t know” Lexa truthfully answered, “But putting her hand on Skaikru’s leader could benefit her company; every company actually. She probably wants to take control of everything.”

“What can we do about it?” Raven asked. Unlike the others, she had enough knowledge about technology and servers to understand how such a thing could have happened.

“We need the name of the successor the leaders nominated back then” Lexa said. “We can’t do anything until then.”

“Or maybe there is something we _can_ do” Indra suddenly said, turning towards Raven. “Raven, I’ve been told you have infiltrated Azgeda’s servers once in the past few months, haven’t you?”

“Hum, I may have done that...?” Raven answered, trying to figure out why Indra would ask such a thing.

“Would it be possible for you to put their servers on monitoring or something, a way for us to know what they are looking into, the researches they’re doing, where they are putting their noses into?” Indra suggested.

“I could definitely do that” Raven nodded, “But if there is only one mind half-brilliant as mine in Azgeda, I can’t guaranty they won’t find out about it”.

“Then make it undetectable even for someone as smart as you” Indra said, “Make everything you need to, and report to me.”

Raven nodded, understanding she had been given her mission, and left the room.

Still in the room, Lexa sighed, passing her hand through her hair.

“Are you going to tell Clarke?” Octavia genuinely asked. It was not asked as a reproach; only to know if it was preferable to keep this information to themselves for now; and as much as Octavia hated it, there were some things her job imposed her to hide from her friends.

“I have to” Lexa sighed again, “You are all implicated in this mess, and you’re all smart enough to figure things out on your own anyways. If _I_ don’t tell her, someone else will.”

Octavia chuckled, because it was true. Hell, she was convinced that even without telling to the whole crew what they had learned today, Monty and Jasper would eventually figure it sooner or later ; little did she know they had already did.

Lexa checked her watch. “I have to go. Indra, I’ll be here first thing in the morning” She said, putting her jacket on, “Octavia, I’ll see you tonight”.

Both women nodded at her when she left the room.

* * *

 

Bellamy was waiting for Echo, leaning on his police car. Echo was a few steps away, talking actively into her phone, and from Bell’s point of view, it didn’t look great. So Bellamy waited patiently by his car, trying to get a few words from the conversation. It wasn’t really right to eardrop, but he was a cop, wasn’t he?

“Yes, is she ok?” Echo was mumbling into the phone, looking distressed, “I swear to god if you did anything to her I’ll... Yeah, ok. Fine. Ok, bye”.

Echo hung up the phone and made her way towards Bellamy, who quickly pretended he had been on his phone the whole time.

“You’re ok?” Bellamy asked, showing his concern but also showing Echo she didn’t need to answer that or to explain further if she didn’t want to. Bellamy knew the weight someone could carry on its shoulders, and it wasn’t his place to push Echo to talk about something going on in her life.

“Yeah, I’m ok” Echo sighed, putting her jacket back on, “Just some family issues”.

Bellamy nodded; family issues, he could understand.

They got into the car, ready for another patrol around the neighbourhood. They were doing a lot of that lately, because they suspected drugs dealers to live in the area, but so far, they had found nothing to prove it. They weren’t ready to give up though; it was their job to make sure the population was safe, and without knowing it, they both had personal reasons to put an end to whatever was happening around here.

“So, how did you know you wanted to enter the police?” Bellamy asked Echo to kill time.

Echo was surprised by the question, but quickly regained control of herself to not let it show. She didn’t really know what to say, as she hadn’t really “chose” to enter the police’s forces.

“I wanted to do what was right. It was a way to do it” Echo answered, staying as vague as she could while giving Bellamy an answer he would take.

It seemed to work as Bellamy nodded to her.

“What about you?” Echo asked, keeping her eyes on the streets.

“I have a family to protect. This was the right way to do it” Bellamy answered, copying Echo’s words.

Echo smiled. “There is more to the story” She stated. She wasn’t saying it to know more; it was a simple statement.

“Yes, there is more indeed” Bellamy smiled, not saying more and focusing on looking through the car’s window.

They stayed silent for a while; it wasn’t an uncomfortable one, they were just focused, letting their thoughts wander in their minds.

“Bellamy?” Echo asked after a while.

“Yes?” He hummed.

“How do you know if something is the right thing to do?”

Bellamy turned himself towards his partner, understanding the depth of the question.

“You don’t” he shrugged, “You just _believe_ in what you’re doing. You believe it is the right thing to do for _someone_ , for _something_. But it won’t ever be right for everything and everyone.”

“What are you saying?” Echo asked, a bit confused.

“I’m saying you can’t satisfy everyone. You do something to benefit the greater good, or for people you care about. You can’t save everyone.” Bellamy explained, and Echo could hear the gravity which was hiding in his words; like he had lived it before, like he was talking from experience.

And it made Echo think; who was she doing all of this for? Nia? She wasn’t sure of that. Was Nia the greater good? Would her plans benefit the greater good, or people she cared about? Echo wasn’t even sure Nia cared about someone at all. Was it worth it, risking everything, getting around laws, fooling people around, making them trust you to hit them in their backs afterwards? Oh, Echo knew well who she was doing this for, who she was trying to save. But was this the _right_ way? Was this the _only_ way?

* * *

 

Lexa was waiting –impatiently – in front of Ayden’s school, waiting for the bell to ring and for the children to get out of their classes and meet their parents.

Their _parents_. Lexa was a parent. Maybe she wasn’t one officially, maybe she didn’t have any papers to prove it, but deep down she knew. She was a parent, _Ayden’_ s parent. He knew, Clarke knew, and they were the only ones who mattered. And right now, standing in front of the school, she wanted to cry a river of happy tears; because she never thought she would have this one day, and here she was, waiting for her kid to run to her after class.

The bell rang and it wasn’t long before a blond haired rocket was throwing itself at her legs.

“Yexa! You came to pick me up!” Ayden shouted, super excited to see her.

Lexa looked down at him, and kneeled at his level. Ayden was grinning so hard it was like his smile was going to reach his ears, and from the way Lexa’s mouth was hurting, she probably was grinning as much as him.

“Hey bud” Lexa murmured, voice filled with emotion as the kid was burying his nose into her neck, hugging her tightly.

Lexa immediately hugged him back; she was still not strong enough to say it, but Ayden was her rock, as much as Clarke’s was; they had built her up again, fixed her, patched her up with their smiles and their minds so full of life. They were her whole life, and god be damned if she wasted a single minute of her time by their sides.

Their hug was interrupted by someone clearing its throat. Lexa let go of Ayden, who immediately took her hand, not wanting to let go.

A woman was facing Lexa, and she recognised her as Ayden’s teacher.

“Hi, you are Ayden’s other parent, if I recall correctly?” The woman said with a sincere smile on her face.

Lexa’s heart warmed up at being called _“Ayden’s other parent”,_ but tried not to let it show as she answered the woman.

“Yes indeed, we met when we visited the school of couple of months earlier” Lexa said, shaking the woman’s hand.

“Yes, I remember.” The teacher smiled back. “I just wanted to talk to you about the concerns we had about Ayden when we first met; about him not being able to integrate scholarship in the middle of the school year.”

“Yes?” Lexa nodded, a bit afraid of what the teacher was going to tell her. Was Ayden not good at school, or not good enough? Had he caused trouble?

“Well, no need to worry about that” The teacher chuckled, “He is a little genius”.

Lexa released a sigh she didn’t she had held. “That’s good news” Lexa chuckled back.

“Yes indeed” The teacher said. “I’m letting you two go now” She said, giving Ayden a wink.

Lexa was amused by the teacher’s behaviour, playing with her kid.

“Thank you, hum...?” Lexa asked, trying hard to remember the teacher’s name.

“My name is Miss Rivers. But you can call me Luna” The teacher said, giving her hand for Lexa to shake.

“Thank you, Luna” Lexa smiled back, shaking her hand before watching the teacher walk away and pick some leftovers toys on the playground.

“Yexa, can we go now? I’m hungry!” Ayden playfully whined, well knowing he didn’t need to actually whine for Lexa to give him what she wanted.

“You’re hungry huh?” Lexa playfully answered, getting close to him, “How about.... I eat you instead!” She said, picking him up in her arms and pretending to nip at his arms and legs.

“Yexa stop!” Ayden busted in laughter, “Don’t eat me!”

Lexa laughed too, put him on her shoulders, and they went home half-walking half-running, laughing about everything and nothing at the same time.


	57. Healing Smiles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for another chapter! ;) As always, feel free to leave a comment, and come talk to me on instagram "sixtineschmidt" if you want to discuss the fic, or anything else!
> 
> Thanks for still being there!

** Chapter 56 : Healing Smiles **

_Songs : For the first part of the chapter, when Lexa, Ayden and Clarke are home, you can listen to "Fire and the Flood" by Vance Joy.  
For the last third of the chapter, you can listen to "Let It All Go" by Birdy and Rhodes, it fits perfectly. ;) _

 

 

Clarke came home to a joyful house, and couldn’t resist taking her phone out of her pocket to take a few pictures of Ayden and Lexa cooking together.

“No Yexa, you’re doing it wrong!” Ayden exclaimed, laughing, as Lexa was putting mashed potatoes everywhere on the counter table.

“YOU are doing it wrong!” Lexa playfully exclaimed back, “I asked you to cut the vegetables into thin slices, do you think this thing looks like a slice?” She shoved the bad-cut cucumber to the boy, managing to put even more mashed potatoes on the table.

“Yexa I’m five!” He protested, laughing as Lexa was sticking her tongue out to the boy and trying to tickle him, “Stop it! Stop it Yexa!” He jumped off the chair, running around the counter to escape from Lexa.

Ayden was now on full laugh mode, with tears running down his face as Lexa was chasing him; Clarke told herself she needed to intervene if she didn’t want her son to choke from laughter soon.

“What is going on here?” Clarke asked, suddenly making her presence known.

The other two stopped, looking at her with guilty smiles.

“Nothing Clarke, we are just cooking...” Lexa said, as Ayden was nodding his head way too quickly for it to be true.

“Yeah mommy, just cooking!” He smiled, his grin as big as Lexa’s.

“You are _both_ doing this wrong” Clarke stated, shocking the other two who thought they were going to be in trouble, and watched speechless as Clarke took her jacket off, rolled up her sleeves and took the big spoon to stir the mashed potatoes.

“To make good mashed potatoes, you have to add a little milk to it” Clarke began to explain while adding the milk, as Lexa and Ayden were coming close to her to watch what she was doing. “See? Without the milk, it’d be way too dense, and you’d have trouble eating”.  

Listening to Clarke, Lexa couldn’t help the grin slowly tugging at her lips. This is what she wanted to live every day; get out early from work, go fetch Ayden at home, Clarke teaching them how to cook even if they had made a real mess in the kitchen beforehand.

“And now, the vegetables” Clarke exaggeratedly sighed, making Ayden giggled as he put his hands in front of his mouth to try to be discreet.

 “This is very _bad_ work” Clarke faked frowning, “Did a blind person cut this?”

And Ayden laughed, “No Mom, I cut them!”

“But Ayden you’re _five_!” Clarke exclaimed with faked horror, “You can’t cut vegetables!”

“Lexa made me do it!” Ayden laughed, pointing towards the girl.

Lexa’s eyes widened at being thrown under the bus.

“Lexa, is it you who gave my _five years old_ boy a _real_ knife?” Clarke asked, again with the fake horror, getting closer to the brunette.

Lexa didn’t answer, and suddenly she started running to escape.

“Oh no, you’re not going away with it!” Clarke shouted, running after her, “Ayden, go get her!”

The three of them started running into the loft, circling around the couch and the kitchen table, messing even more with the food than they already had and managing to put mashed potatoes on the floor.

Of course, Lexa hadn’t see it fall, so she stepped in it, and of _course_ she fell on her butt, sliding in the mashed potatoes, as Clarke and Ayden were suddenly tripping over her body.

After a few seconds of them lying on the floor and trying to understand what had just happened, they busted into laugher, tears running down their faces and cheeks hurting from too much grinning.

* * *

 

They eventually calmed down after a while, slowly regaining their breaths back.

“Ok” Clarke said, getting up, “We have to actually start making dinner before the squad arrives. Ayden, go shower please honey, Lexa and I will clean the kitchen”.

Ayden nodded, quickly disappearing into his room to pick up some clothes. Lexa had built him a tiny closet with determined shelves for his t-shirts and pants, so Clarke had then taught him how to pick his outfit alone.

Clarke held her hand to Lexa to help her get on her feet. Lexa gladly took it, not dropping it once she was up. She stared in Clarke’s blue eyes for a while, not saying anything.

“What?” Clarke chuckled, “Do I have mashed potatoes on my face?”

Lexa chuckled too, grinning. “Nope” She shook her head.

“Then what is it?” Clarke grinned back, intrigued by Lexa’s facial expression she couldn’t quite understand.

“I really love you.” Lexa said, almost whispering. “I want every day to be like this.”

It tugged at Clarke’s heart in the best way possible. “And I love you too, Lexa” Clarke gently answered, “And I want to come home to this every day for the rest of my life.”

They grinned at each other, and Lexa took Clarke’s face in her hands, gently bringing their lips together, right where they belonged.

“Ugh, gross!” Ayden cut them off, making them reluctantly pull back to roll their eyes at the boy. “Mom, I’m out of boxer briefs”

“I washed some yesterday” Clarke chuckled, smiling tenderly at her son, “There’s in the laundry room. I’ll go fetch them”.

Clarke walked away to bring back Ayden’s clothes. It was now Ayden’s turn to look at Lexa with an indescribable look.

“What is it?” Lexa tilted her head to the side, trying to figure the boy out.

Without words, he opened his arms, signalling he wanted a hug. Lexa crouched down to be at his level, hugging him close to her chest.

“I yove you too, Yexa” Ayden whispered, nudging his nose into the crook of her neck.

Lexa’s breath caught up in her chest, as tears were forming into her eyes.

“And I love you back very much, buddy” Lexa murmured back a while after, holding him in her arms a little tighter.

They parted after a while, Ayden smiling at her with one of his little boy’s sincere smiles, and Lexa watched him jogtrot to his mother as Clarke was coming back into the room with his underwear.

“Go shower little monkey, you smell!” Clarke said, laughing, throwing the clothes at him.

“Not true!” Ayden protested while laughing, disappearing into the bathroom.

Both women were grinning as they were turning themselves towards the messy kitchen. If Clarke noticed Lexa’s glassy eyes, she didn’t say anything.

“So, where do we start?” Clarke asked.

Lexa faked a sigh, Clarke nudged her shoulder, Lexa grinned at her, and they began cleaning and cooking an actual meal for the family.

* * *

 

 “Raven? Rae, where are you?” Anya shouted, entering the small apartment in Arcadia building.

She frowned when no one answered, and got her phone out of her pocket, calling the girl. Anya frowned even more when she heard Raven’s phone’s ringtone from across the apartment.

“Raven? Are you there?” Anya asked again, quickly crossing the tiny living-room to the bathroom and knocked lightly on the wooden door.

“Raven?” Anya asked one last time, and without an answer coming, she pushed the door open.

And Anya’s heart broke, shattered into thousands of pieces. “Oh, Rae...”

Raven was in the small bath tub, tears running down her face and mascara smashed on her face as if a rain of charcoal had fallen down on her. Half-dressed, she looked so small and so fragile; and Anya couldn’t bare it anymore.

She dropped to her knees, leaning on the bathtub to reach Raven’s face. Anya had quickly understood what had been going on; Raven was in pain because of her leg, and being in water was the only thing that could calm down the pain. Except this time, it didn’t look like it was working that well.

“Raven...” Anya whispered, trying to get the girl to look at her. She was trying to soothe her as best as she could, running her thumbs on Raven’s wet cheeks.

“I can’t take it anymore...” Raven whimpered, with a voice so small and so broken Anya could feel the she had almost given up on fighting.

“What can I do...?” Anya asked, trying her best not to cry.

And while Raven wasn’t answering, Anya knew she needed help. And she knew exactly who could help her.

“I am going to call Clarke” Anya said.

“No” Raven whimpered again, “Anya no, don’t call her”.

“Listen to me” Anya said with determination written in her voice, “This has been going on for far too long; you don’t need to inflict this to yourself, Raven, I won’t allow it.”

“You don’t understand...” Raven tried to protest, lips wavering as she was numb from the now cold water.

“In fact I think I _do_ understand” Anya protested back. “I understand how it feels like you won’t ever suffer enough to make up for what you think is your fault. I understand feeling like you are a burden to those around you. I understand feeling like you don’t deserve their love or their help” Anya continued, keeping her eyes focused on Raven to make her point, “But you do. Whatever has happened that made you feel like you deserved to be punished, it is in the past. Whatever made you think you don’t deserve your friends, it is in the past, because against all odds they are still _here_ , ready to come when you need them, because they know you’ll do the exact same this for them.” Anya stated. “So I am going to call Clarke, because right now you need _her_.”

She left no time for Raven to protest and quickly went into the living-room to make the call.

* * *

 

Ten minutes later, Clarke entered Raven’s apartment, finding Anya pacing into the living-room. Anya could tell Clarke had run; her blonde locks were messier than they usually were, and the red on her cheeks wasn’t caused by the cold outside.

“Anya, where is she? What happened?” Clarke asked, very worried.

“In the bathroom” Anya gestured with her hand, “I tried to help her, but she wouldn’t let me help. Clarke, you have to do something...!”

Clarke nodded, although she didn’t really understand what was going on. She went to the bathroom and lightly knocked on the door.

“Raven?” She gently asked, “It’s Clarke. Can I come in?”

“Go away” A small voice answered, and Clarke’s heart broke a bit, too.

“You know I won’t, Rae” Clarke murmured. “I am not going anywhere”.

Raven said nothing to make Clarke know she had heard, but Clarke knew she was listening. It has always been Raven’s way to deal with things; hide her pain until it was unbearable, refusing help when you tried to help her, and then she would finally reach her breaking point and ask for help.

Clarke sat in front of the bathroom’s door, patiently waiting for Raven to accept the fact that Clarke wasn’t angry at her, and that she was really there for her. Every time it would happen, it would break Clarke’s heart to see that Raven somehow still blamed herself for things that had happened years ago.

“Clarke..?” Raven whimpered after a while, making Clarke jump to her feet. Clarke knew it was Raven’s way to know if she had stayed, or if she had walked away.

“I am still here, Rae” Clarke gently said.

There was another silence, and Clarke waited again.

“Can you come in, please...?” Raven’s voice broke a little at the end, and Clarke didn’t wait a second to enter the room.

If what she saw inside made her eyes water, Clarke didn’t show it and instead got close to Raven, kneeling by the bathtub.

“I am here, Raven. It’s going to be ok now, alright?” Clarke gently smiled at her friend, running a soothing hand on Raven’s burning forehead.

Raven weakly nodded.

Clarke pulled the plug, emptying the bathtub from the cold water, and then switching to warm water instead. She took off her shoes and trousers, as well as her jacket, leaving her in her panties and top.

The blonde could see Raven watching her with curious eyes, but she pretended not to acknowledge it.

“Move over a bit, will you?” Clarke asked to the brunette as if it was the most normal thing in the world to ask.

Once Raven had moved in the bathtub a bit, Clarke took place behind her, putting her legs around Raven, and enveloping Raven’s torso with her arms, getting her to lean back on Clarke.

Raven tried to resist a bit at first, but then Clarke was running her hands up and down on Raven’s arms, and the Brunette relaxed in her friend’s embrace.

“Raven, there are things I have to tell you, and you will listen very carefully, alright?” Clarke asked, lightly rocking them a bit in the water as warmth from the water was gradually enveloping them.

Raven said nothing, but Clarke felt her nod against her body.

Clarke knew what was bugging at Raven’s head for years. Because she had been through this too, and while she had gotten over it, she was slowly discovering that maybe they all completely hadn’t. And when she was thinking about it, how could they be?

“What happened years ago wasn’t your fault, Raven” Clarke began. “It was an _accident_. We all know that. _I_ know that, and I never blamed you for it.”

“You should” Raven whispered.

“Maybe.” Clarke hummed, “But you don’t get to decide that. _I_ decide that. And I don’t blame you. I will _never_ blame you for it. Do you hear me?”  

Raven let a sob escape her, as Clarke continued speaking. “The plane crash was not your fault. What happened to Wells was not your fault. What happened to Finn was not your fault. What happened to me was _not_ your fault” Clarke murmured against Raven’s head as the girl’s body was beginning to shake from sobs, “You have made mistakes, it is true. But those things you’re blaming yourself for, they weren’t mistakes, Raven. You did everything right. It just happened to turn out wrongly in the end, because not everything can go as planned; because we can’t _plan_ everything.”

Raven’s body was now wrecked by sobs as she was crying every drop of water left in her body, clinging to Clarke’s arms.

“I love you, Rae” Clarke said, kissing her temples, “And I can’t do this without you. We have been doing this together from the beginning; you’re my best friend, and you and I, we will keep going for a very long time. So you need to let go, Raven. Let go of the guilt. I forgave you years ago”. Clarke finally stopped speaking.

And something in Raven went away. Something was lifted off from her shoulders, and finally, _finally,_ she could fully breathe again.

So she cried, safe and warm and loved in Clarke’s embrace, while she was letting go of all the guilt she had been carrying for all these years. And Clarke was still there. And because Raven was still there too, and like Clarke had said, she wanted to keep going like this for so much more years.

“Ok” Clarke said after a while, seeing that Raven had calmed down a bit, “Wipe your face, you look like you fell head first in charcoal.”

Raven managed to chuckle, and Clarke gave her a big smile back. Raven washed her face as Clarke was reaching for Raven’s bad leg.

“And you need to let me help you with this, too” Clarke gave Raven a look, lightly tipping on the injured knee, “Because you don’t need to inflict this pain on yourself anymore. Got it?”

“Got it” Raven nodded, sniffing and offering Clarke a weak smile.

“Alright” Clarke chuckled at her friend, beginning to move the leg to wake up the sore muscles.

* * *

 

Clarke spent the next forty minutes moving Raven’s leg in the hot water; she had learned how to do it years ago with a specialised doctor on extra-shifts, and was now so glad she did.

“Ok, I think we are done.” Clarke said after a while, releasing Raven’s leg gently into the water and noticing the water was getting cold again.

She thought about getting out, but Raven leaned immediately back into her. Clarke brought her arms back around her friend without words.

This time, Raven put her own hands on top of Clarke’s arms, grounding them together. Raven knew herself and the whole crew had had trouble first, accepting Clarke as a leader. In fact, they had always seen her as their leader, but had taken a long time seeing what it was really like, and what it was costing her to be so. And since they had found out what it was taking to be a leader, they had made sure to make up for their blindness every day; part of that guilt had never gone away, either.

“Thank you, Clarke” Raven murmured after a while.

Clarke smiled against the woman’s cheeks. “You are very welcome, Rae. Always.”

“Even if I’m a mess?” Raven sadly chuckled, only half-joking, as she was sitting up in the bathtub.

“Then we’ll be two” Clarke answered with a playful smirk, which made Raven chuckle another time.

The blonde got out of the bathtub, carefully moving so she wouldn’t slip or wet the entire room, and kneeled back next to the tub, raising a single brow when she saw Raven already nodding her head no for what Clarke was going to do.

“Rae. Let me help” Clarke chuckled a bit at her friend’s stubbornness.

“Alright then, help me, you saviour of cripples” Raven huffed, although Clarke could see the smile growing up on her friend’s face.

“You are no cripple” Clarke said, puffing a bit under Raven’s weight when she put her arms under Raven’s armpits so she could lift her up and help her stand up, “And I’d rather say we saved each other, don’t you think?”

Raven smiled as Clarke was handing her a dry towel.

“Yeah. I think we did.”

Clarke smiled back, wiggling her eyebrows, and this time, Raven couldn’t help but laugh, finally cleaning the room of the heavy atmosphere that had taken place.

 


	58. Family Dinner

** Chapter 57 : Family Dinner **

 

Clarke exited the bathroom, closing the door behind her, so Raven could change into dry clothes. She still had a light smile on her face, happy she had been able to reach out to Raven, and happy the girl had opened herself up to her. Clarke knew they all had trouble dealing with their past; she was the first one to still be affected by it, and maybe that in her own misery, she had failed to see the others’. So Clarke promised herself to never close her eyes on things like that again; because the truth was she could probably have seen this coming with Raven; but she hadn’t.

She looked up when someone cleared its throat, and momentarily blinked. Anya was still there, standing awkwardly in the living-room, looking expectedly at Clarke.

Clarke gave her a sympathetic smile; she may not know Anya well, she still could see how much the girl cared for her friend; and Clarke was glad Raven had someone like Anya around.

“Anya, she is going to be ok” Clarke gently said, trying to reassure Anya.

“I know, I know” Anya sighed, as her shoulders were falling down, “I just...” She stopped herself, trying to decide the right way to say her next words, “I just feel like I’m useless sometimes, you know?”

Clarke nodded, because she could understand.

“We all have our pasts to deal with, but Raven... Raven keeps it hidden” Anya murmured, “And there’re days like this and I can’t reach her, you know? There’s days she’s pushing me away, so how am I supposed to help her with whatever she’s going through, Clarke?”

Anya was now pacing into the living-room, half-sad and half-mad with herself.

“Anya” Clarke gently said, lightly touching Anya’s arm so the girl would sit down on the couch, “Raven is... Complicated” Clarke smiled as it made Anya chuckle, “And she’s gone through a lot of hard stuff. We all have been through much, and I know we have trouble opening up to new people” Clarke continued, speaking slowly she Anya could mark each words, “But living with Lexa also showed me that time, and love, were all that we needed to open up. You’ve got to let her come to you, at her own pace.”

“But what do I do when things like this happen...?” Anya asked, whispering to keep her voice from breaking.

And it was tugging at Clarke’s heart really, because Anya who usually was all tough and strong was now on the verge of tears.

“You stay around, you stay with her. Like I did” Clarke shrugged. “You wait until she is ready to admit she needs you.”

“I heard what you told her” Anya confessed, a bit ashamed she had been listening, “And I will never compete with you. Or with Octavia, or either of you...”

“This is not a competition, Anya” Clarke gently chuckled, “Just because we all are friends for as long as we can remember doesn’t mean she won’t ever love you as much as she cares about us. It isn’t about time, you know?” Clarke smiled, “I love your cousin as deeply as I care about them, and I haven’t known Lexa for that long”.

“Yeah, maybe” Anya shrugged. She had to admit maybe her fears were misplaced.

“She _will_ open up to you, Anya” Clarke said, “You just have to give her time to do so. She carries a lot of deep wounds and a lot of guilt, but slowly, she’ll come through. We all will.”

Anya nodded, exhaling at the same time.  “Alright, ok. Be patient and love her, right?”

“Right” Clarke chuckled, getting up to put her shoes on.

She went to get out of the apartment, but the bathroom’s door opened, and Raven called out to her.

“Clarke, before you go, bring your ass in here please!” Raven half-shouted from the bathroom, and a big grin spread on Anya’s and Clarke’s faces; this was the Raven they knew.

Anya rolled her eyes when Clarke sent her a wink, and the blonde disappeared behind the bathroom’s door.

* * *

 

“You called for me my lady?” Clarke asked her friend with a smirk, once in the bathroom.

Raven stuck out her tongue at her, and then gestured towards her brace. “I think this doesn’t work as well as before” she sighed, “Do you think I may need a new one?”

“I don’t know Rae” Clarke honestly answered, kneeling by her friend to examine the device, “You are usually the one toying with it”.

“I know” Raven said, “But I can’t help but feel that, maybe there is something else we could try?”

Clarke raised her head, an eyebrow rose at her friend. “Is this your way to tell me you’ve got an idea?”

“Maybe” Raven rose her eyebrow back, making Clarke chuckle.

“Tell me” Clarke gently asked.

“Years ago, you, ahem, you talked about a surgery...?” Raven said, almost shy.

Clarke’s eyebrows completely rose at those words. “I thought you didn’t want any surgery for it”.

“I didn’t _then_ ” Raven confirmed, “But now... _Now_ I want more for myself, you know?”

“I understand” Clarke smiled. “But you know what the risks are, Rae, are you sure..?”

“Yes, I think I am sure” Raven smiled back, “I talked with Octavia about it a bit... So, as long as you’re with me, I’m all for it”.

“Count me in, then” Clarke smiled, opening her arms to hug her friend.

They stayed put for a while, and then Raven lightly pushed Clarke away.

“Go away now, you’re making me all emotional” Raven joked, “And there’re people waiting for you at home.”

“I’m home wherever you are” Clarke grinned back, “See you in a while!”

Clarke got out the apartment, and closed the door. 

* * *

 

Anya and Raven were left facing each other.

“Don’t look at me like that” Raven finally broke the silence.

“Like what?” Anya asked.

“Like I’m broken” Raven sighed, a bit defeated.

Anya shook her head, getting closer to the girl she loved. “I don’t think you are broken.”

“ _Yes_ you do” Raven insisted. “You think I’m broken and that you can’t fix me”.

“Raven, that’s not it” Anya protested. “But a part of what you said is true.”

Raven tilted her head to the side, intrigued. She wasn’t expecting Anya to agree with her on this matter.

“I do think I can’t fix whatever is making you feel the way you feel. Not because you’re too broken, but because I feel useless” Anya explained with a sad tinted voice, getting closer to Raven. “There is so much I don’t know about you yet, so I feel like I can’t do anything to make you feel better.”

Anya delicately put both hands on Raven’s arms, running them up and down. “But I am here, Raven, I’m here for you, whether you need me or not. I am taking everything; cracks are where the light gets in, right?” The girl tried to joke. “And I am _not_ leaving.” Anya smiled at Raven, whose eyes were gotten wet.

And Raven didn’t know what to say. Anya saw her bottom lip shake, so she opened up her arms effortlessly as Raven was throwing herself at Anya’s neck, trying her hardest to keep her tears at bay. Anya returned the embrace; she was relieved really, to see that Raven wasn’t pushing her away. And it was giving her hope; hope they could all move forward, and that she, too, could be part of this unconventional family.

“Thank you, Anya” Raven whispered, snuggling her nose into Anya’s neck.

“It’s ok, Rae” Anya murmured back, hugging the girl a little harder. “We all have our demons to deal with.”

Raven nodded, asking herself what Anya’s demons were about.

* * *

 

Clarke was finally back to Lexa’s place. She had been glad to see that Octavia and Lincoln were already there, Lincoln playing with Ayden, and Octavia helping Lexa in the kitchen. Clarke had smiled, because she was glad to see Lexa and Octavia were getting along well; well, it was true they did work together, but still, it mattered to Clarke. And frankly, she had never seen Lexa as happy as she was these days.

“Hi love” Lexa gently said when Clarke entered the kitchen.

“Oh god” Octavia groaned, dramatically waving the carrots she was holding, “You two are way too disgusting”.

“Cut it, O” Clarke playfully warned. Lexa chuckled too, winking to Clarke.

“Is dinner going ok?” Clarke asked, inspecting everything they were making.

“Well it _would_ , but this one here” Lexa waved her finger towards Octavia, “Is eating half of what she’s cutting”.

“I am not!” Octavia protested, “You just don’t feed me enough!”

“Alright” Clarke chuckled, “Just... Try to leave some for the guests, okay?”

“Yes _mom_ ” Octavia rolled her eyes, a smile on her face.

Clarke shook her head, playfully glaring at her friend.

* * *

 

Echo was anxiously waiting for the other person to pick up the phone, pacing in front of their building, when Bellamy was waiting leaning on the car, again, for Echo to be done.

“Please, please pick up” Echo murmured, picking at her nails.

Finally, someone answered.

_“Good evening, Echo. I didn’t think you would call_.” The voice said.

“Cut the bullshit” Echo answered, “Get her on the phone”.

_“Careful, Echo. I wouldn’t threaten me if I were you.”_

“Listen Ontari, I don’t have time for this, alright? Can you please give the phone to her?” Echo asked another time.

_“You’re lucky Nia likes you.”_ Ontari almost spat into the phone.

Echo sighed, hearing some noises into the phone, probably coming from the phone getting handed to someone else.

_“Mamma?”_ A tiny voice spoke.

“Hi baby” Echo half-whispered, trying not to get emotional. She knew Bellamy was only a few feet away, and could probably hear half of what she was saying; she couldn’t be seen as weak.

_“Where are you?”_

“I won’t be coming to see you tonight, honey” Echo said, her own heart breaking as much as her daughter’s probably was breaking right now, “I have to work late.”

_“But you’re always working late...”_

“I know love, I know, and I’m very sorry.” Echo apologized; but she knew all too well being sorry had never fixed anything.

_“Whatever.”_

“Don’t say that, please” Echo asked, “You know I would be there if I could.”

When nothing came out of the other side, Echo talked again.

“Are you alright? She told me you went to the hospital today. What happened?”

_“Nothing”._

“Come on” Echo asked again, “It wasn’t nothing if you needed to go to the hospital.”

_“I said it was nothing”_ The tiny voice sounded angry, _“I just fell, alright?”_

“Alright, alright” Echo sighed, a bit defeated.

_“I have to go.”_

“So soon?” Echo pouted, “Don’t you have anything to tell me? About school? About your friends?”

_“No.”_

Echo sighed again. She hated this. She hated hurting her child, she hated not being able to go see her when she wanted. She hated being as bad as a mom as her own mother had been, when she had sworn not to do the same mistakes again.

“Listen sweetheart, I...”

_“I really have to go, now.”_

“Alright, alright. I’ll come see you tomorrow night, ok?” Echo tried to keep her voice steady.

_“You said that three days ago.”_

“I know, I know” Echo admitted, “But this time, I promise.”

_“Someone making promises they always break isn’t someone worth it.”_ The tiny voice answered, as small as it could get.

“I taught you that” Echo’s voice wavered, “And I’m sorry I haven’t been here lately. But I’ll make it up to you, somehow. Bye tiny one, I love you very, very much”.

_“Bye, Mamma”._

The phone hung up, and Echo was left with a vivid pain in her chest. She quickly shook her head, trying to clear her ideas.

She came back to the car, nodding to Bellamy that they could get on the road. They had dinner at Lexa’s tonight, and they were already late.

They got into the car, and Bellamy started driving. Echo was glad he didn’t ask what the phone call was about; because Echo knew she was very close to confide in him and ask for help.

But as she was sighing every two minutes, it got the better of Bellamy.

“Are you ok, Echo?” He asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

“Yes.” Echo said. “No. I don’t know” She sighed again.

“Are you having problems?” Bellamy frowned. He couldn’t explain why, but there was something about Echo that was disturbing him.

“No, not problems” She sighed. “But I’m having troubles with my daughter”.

Bellamy eyebrows shot up. “You have a daughter?”

Echo bit her lip, not knowing if she should continue speaking. But on another hand, she did need Bellamy on her side, if she wanted Nia’s plan to work.

“Yeah. A six years old.” Echo said.

“What’s the matter? You could have brought her tonight! She would have played with Ayden” Bellamy shrugged.

“Yeah, well that’s the thing... I don’t live with her” Echo said, and immediately regretted telling Bellamy. He would ask more and more questions.

“How come she doesn’t live with you? She’s with the father?” Bellamy asked, getting really interested.

“Nah. No father” Echo answered, and when she saw that Bellamy had his next question ready, she cut him off before he could talk. “It’s complicated. I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Bellamy shrugged. They kept riding in silence until Lexa’s building was in sight.

* * *

 

Inside Lexa’s place, everyone was already there. Raven had entered the place a little shy, shuffling on her feet, but then Clarke had welcomed her with a warm smile and a big hug, and Ayden and Lexa had been quick to hug her too.

So Raven was ok, really. She could feel Anya’s eyes on her, but for once, it wasn’t uncomfortable. It’s was reassuring, even, to know that someone was looking out for her.

Octavia had seen Raven’s facial expressions, and of course she had immediately understood what had happened. She was glad her friend had finally be able to talk to Clarke; even if in the past, Octavia had been madly angry with Clarke, she had always admitted they all had a special bond with the Blonde.

And now that she could look backwards, Octavia was really glad she had been able to move on from everything, and be close to Clarke again. Because really, without Clarke, they all felt like something was missing; without Clarke, they all were nothing at all.

Bellamy and Echo had just arrived, and Echo, maybe for the first time in her life, felt like she was assisting at something way bigger than herself; these people seemed to work in sync. They knew each other as no one could ever know someone else, and everything about them screamed unity and support.

Echo was observing and analysing every each of them; Clarke was their leader, for sure. She was the one they all turned to when they needed to make a decision. Her choices, her points of view were always weighting more than the others’. Bellamy was coming next of course, co-leading with Clarke, and helping her keep everything on tracks. Monty, Jasper, Harper and Maya were the clowns of the group; always laughing and joking; but, they were also doing everything they were told without discussion. They were followers, but never without being taken into consideration by the others. Their opinions always mattered, and that was something Echo wasn’t used to.

Next were coming John Murphy and Emori. John was the kind of jackass-one of the gang, always sarcastic about everything, always getting reprimanded by the others; but Echo could see that, behind all the walls, he was very attached to the rest of them, and that they cared about him back.

Finally, there were Raven and Octavia; Echo was finding herself grow fond of Raven. She had a funny side, always joking and sassing around, but Echo could also see a weakness inside; maybe related to the brace-device thing she had around her leg, or maybe in the fact that she seemed to worship Clarke and the ground she was walking on, but there was definitely something.

Octavia was the most intriguing to Echo; because, unlike with the others, Echo couldn’t guess a single thing about the girl. It was like Octavia was a complete closed wall; and something was up, Echo was sure of that, because everyone, _everyone_ , had weaknesses somewhere that she could see and use. And so if she couldn’t figure Octavia out, it was because something wasn’t right.

And it was even more than that, really; because Echo could feel Octavia’s on her back at times; not like a sister would do it to be sure she wouldn’t harm her brother, but more like she, too, knew something was up with Echo. And frankly, Echo wasn’t comfortable at all with the idea.

“Alright, dinner time!” Clarke called, interrupting echo’s trail of thoughts as they were all stopping what they were doing and getting up to gather themselves around the table.

“Yes, sit there Monty, Raven could you please wait before starting eating, Bellamy put your fingers out of the cream, Ayden please go wash your hands, oh my god Jasper go wash your hands too!” Clarke was moving them around, hovering over them as if they were all children.

They all finally managed to find a seat, and began eating, lightly chatting with each other about nothing and everything.

“So Clarke, how’s the new job going?” Bellamy asked, filling his plate with meat.

“Really well” Clarke shrugged, “The nurses are nice, doctors too”

“Well that’s unusual” Raven joked, making the adults laugh. They all had seen a lot of hospitals and doctors, and useless to say they didn’t had good memories of it.

“Yeah, I know right?” Clarke chuckled, “But something about the place feels right, patients seem to be happy with our services, so, I guess it’s going well”.

“Well I’m happy for ya Clarkey” Bellamy smiled as the others hummed.

They all talked about something else afterwards.

* * *

 

Lexa and Clarke were finishing putting dessert together in the kitchen, when Raven joined them.

“Ahem, Clarke?” She asked, and Lexa raised a brow at Raven’s unusual shyness.

“Yeah, Rae?” Clarke answered, not raising her eyes from what she was doing.

“I thought I could say to them what we talked about, earlier. About, you know” Raven shrugged, “The surgery for my leg and stuff.”

Clarke’s look immediately softened as she put down everything to give her full attention to Raven. “If you want to, Raven, it is _your_ choice. But it’s also ok if you want to wait a bit before talking to them about it, it’s ok if you need more time to process it” Clarke lightly smiled, squeezing her friend’s shoulder.

“I think I’ve had years to process it” Raven sighed with a smile, “It’s now or never, right?”

“Well yes, kind of” Clarke chuckled.

“Will you talk to them with me?” Raven timidly asked.

“Of course Ray.” Clarke nodded, smiling.

They all went back to the table where everyone was impatiently waiting for dessert. Ayden had somehow managed to get food almost everywhere, including onto Octavia’s clothes and face, but when Clarke threw the two of them a suspicious look, they both had the nerve to pretend they didn’t understand Clarke’s glare.

Clarke shook her head as Ayden and Octavia were throwing winks at each other, and sat back down.

Next to her, Raven was toying with her glass, not eating. Of course the others were quick to pick it up; after all, it was not like Raven not to eat the dessert.

“What’s up Raven? Are you ok?” Murphy asked, genuinely worried about his friend.

“Ahem, well, I have something to talk about with you guys” Raven started, immediately looking at Clarke for support.

Clarke nodded, encouraging Raven to go on, and put her hand on Raven’s thigh to comfort her. Raven was quick to grab the hand under the table, clearing her throat to keep talking.

“So as you all know, my leg is damaged” Raven started.

They all chuckled, because for now Raven was just stating the obvious. “I had a pretty bad day today, but I’m ok now” Raven hurried to add, seeing they were all ready to protest and ask a thousand questions. “My leg is been hurting for a while now, and it’s often more than I can handle, so today I took the decision to do the surgery we talked about, a few years ago”.

They all stayed quiet for a while, probably processing what Raven was telling them.

“Wait” Emori asked, “ _The_ surgery?”

“Yeah” Raven nodded. They had had the same discussion, a bit more than two or three years ago, and half of them were against it then.

“Rae, I don’t know about this” Bellamy started, “You didn’t want to do it three years ago. What changed?”

Raven looked at Clarke, who nodded back, encouraging her friend to go on.

“I can’t take the pain anymore Bell” Raven sadly said, “I thought I could, but it’s taking way too much from me...! I want this to change, you understand?”

“I guess I do” Bellamy offered her a gentle smile.

They stayed quiet for a while, before Monty spoke again.

“Wait, you don’t look surprised” Monty frowned, pointing towards Clarke, “You knew about this?”

“Yes” Clarke nodded, seeing no point in lying, “Raven and I talked about it earlier today.”

“Clarke, you of all people know the risks of such a surgery” He said, “Why encouraging her?”

“She told you already” Clarke shrugged, “She’s doing what is best for herself. This is it, guys. There’s no other option, and I swear to you that the technique of this surgery evolved a lot since the last time we spoke about.”

“Last time you told us the surgery had a 50% chance of Raven _to die_ ” Harper protested, “I don’t think I agree with this.”

Raven looked a bit defeated; Lexa and Anya hadn’t talked yet. They were not completely part of the group, so they didn’t really know where to put themselves; they didn’t know if they had a right to say something or not. But Lexa was a bit sad for Raven, so she spoke up.

“I don’t think Raven is asking for your permission” Lexa gently said, trying not to upset them, “I think she is probably going to do it whether you agree or not.”

Clarke, Raven and Octavia chuckled, because of course Raven Reyes was doing what she wanted without really asking for permission.

“But I think it could be nice of you, _of us_ , to be there for her during the procedures and stuff. Right?” Lexa added.

“I know a lot of you don’t agree” Raven then said, looking for support in her friends’ eyes, “But I just need you to understand I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think it was necessary...”

They all nodded; they knew her well after all, so they knew she wasn’t doing this without having thought a lot about it.

“Clarke will be there?” Jasper asked.

“Yes” Clarke smiled.

“Then I’m in! Let’s put this leg in the trashcan and buy a new one!”

They all laughed, as Raven was sending a grateful look to Clarke and Lexa. 

 

 


	59. The Twins

Chapter 58 : The Twins

 

A few weeks had gone since the family dinner, and everything had gone well. In the secret bunker, Anya, Raven and Lexa had been working their asses off to find everything they could on the Skaikru Company, as well as hacking every files related to the Azgeda Company.

Nia hadn’t made another move, so times had been quite peaceful.

Lexa, Clarke and Ayden had fallen into a rhythm, and everything was going smoothly. It was often Clarke who was dropping Ayden at school, as she usually had afternoon shifts at the hospital, and Lexa who was picking the boy up, as she had more manageable hours. If her work wasn’t done, then Anya or Bellamy was picking Ayden up from school and was bringing him to Lexa’s office. Ayden then was quietly waiting for Lexa to be done working while playing with a few toys Lexa had brought especially for him, in her office. Then, they would often go pick up Clarke from work before heading home all together.

Raven had begun to go to the hospital for her surgery; it required a lot a psychological preparation beforehand, as they were literally going to cut her leg off and put a prosthetic instead. Thankfully, Clarke was there for almost every appointment, and the few times she wasn’t available, Anya offered to come along.

Bellamy and Echo were working well together; the crime rate had dropped down, and they had been able to dismantle three others drugs dealers from the city – with the secret help of Octavia and the Trikru’s spies -. Bellamy was still intrigued by Echo; the girl sometimes seemed to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders, the exact way Clarke had often looked. He was sensing there was more to the story that Echo was telling him; but he was respectful, and had never tried to obtain answers to his questions if she wasn’t the one initiating the discussion.

Octavia and Lincoln had been watching over Ayden some nights, when Lexa and Clarke would go out on date nights; and more and more, they were finding themselves wanting to have kids of their own. The only problem was that Octavia couldn’t afford to carry it; she couldn’t take so much time off of work. And even if she could, a part of them kind of wanted to adopt instead; Octavia had seen so many lost kids like herself, and she knew that if people hadn’t took Bellamy and herself in after their mother’s death, they probably wouldn’t be part of this world anymore. So, she was finding herself wanting to give what she had been given years ago back to a lost kid; so they could have a better life, because children had the right to stay children, and so many had to grow faster than others; and it wasn’t fair. Octavia had seen how her brother had to be the adult at barely twelve years old; and if she could prevent another kid to have to, she would.

Lincoln had agreed, of course; he also, had seen people having to carry great responsibilities way too early; Anya, for example, who had lost her parents, and had to take care of her baby cousin. He didn’t know, back then, that this cousin was Lexa, but still; he had seen Anya struggling with dealing with her parents’ deaths and having to take care of someone else when she herself was still a kid. He didn’t want that for any child, either, so if they could protect at least one from this, he was all in.

That’s how they had found themselves looking on adoption’s websites, and going to social services, gathering as much information as they could about procedures and stuff.

As Lincoln had a stable job, and Octavia was now making enough money too, they could provide a kid with anything he needed. Thanks to Lexa and the renovation of the building made by Lexa’s company, they now had a spare bedroom, which could really been turned into a child’s room.

They had gone through a lot of files and kids, and they had agreed on taking a kid who was not younger than three or four; not because they believed they could care for a baby, but rather because it was often kids who already had seen or lived enough to be mad at everything, but who hadn’t lost their child’s naivety; it was an age where everything was possible, and where mistakes and wounds from the past could be erased and build into something much _much_ better. Also, they had agreed it was a plus if the child was around Ayden’s age, so they could play together.

They had been warned it would take time for them to find a potential child to adopt; so, to not raise their hopes up, they hadn’t told the group about their adoption project yet, waiting for when it would be more official.

* * *

 

So imagine their surprise when Lincoln’s phone rang with the social worker’s number on it, on a Sunday afternoon, while they were all in Arcadia for a barbecue Sunday with everyone.

He quickly got up, and walked away from everyone to take the call.

“Hello?”

_“Hi Lincoln it’s Jeremy. How are you doing?”_ The man on the phone said. Jeremy was the social worker Lincoln and Octavia had been talking to for a while now; the one is charge of their case.

“Well, thank you. What’s up?” Lincoln asked, not wanting to do small talk.

_“Well I’m coming because a file came up on my desk this morning. It’s an extra-ordinary case, so that’s why I’m calling you on a Sunday”_ Jeremy explained.

“What about this case?” Lincoln frowned, not really understanding what Jeremy was trying to say.

_“This case covers all of your expectations”_ Jeremy said, _“But there’s a catch.”_

“Which one?” Lincoln asked, getting interested.

“There’s two of them.”

“Two?”

_“Yes. Twins. We got them out for domestic violence yesterday”_ Jeremy explained, _“And we’re looking for a foster home, but not a single one can afford to take two more kids, and we are trying to keep them together”._

“Siblings recover better together” Lincoln agreed. “But what does it have to do with us?”

_“Well, we were hoping you could foster them.”_ Jeremy said.

“Foster them?” Lincoln said, surprised.

_“Yes”_ Jeremy confirmed, _“Basically means that you’ll take them under your roof.”_

“You said it would take time, maybe years for our case to be reviewed” Lincoln exclaimed, “We weren’t expecting to hear from you so soon, and now you want us to take _two_ kids in? I don’t know if we’re ready for this, Jeremy...”

_“I know, but I wouldn’t be asking you if I didn’t think you were incapable of it, and I wouldn’t be asking you if I didn’t think it was one of the only option I had”_ Jeremy explained himself.

“What are the other options?” Lincoln asked.

_“Frankly? Separating them, and putting them in different foster homes”_ Jeremy honestly answered, _“Or sending them back to their home.”_

“But you can’t” Lincoln frowned, “Not if they are victims of domestic violence!”

_“Sadly, there is no legislation over this”_ Jeremy sighed on the phone. _“If no one can take them in, they are given back to their old families.”_

_“_ What kind of government can allow this?” Lincoln growled.

_“That is why I’m fighting for those kids”_ Jeremy said, _“That is why I’m asking you.”_

“Can we think about it?” Lincoln asked, “I have to talk with Octavia about it first”.

_“Yes, of course”_ Jeremy nodded, _“Take your time, it is not an easy decision. I’ll stay available; call me when you’ve taken a decision.”_

“Okay. Bye, Jeremy.”

_“Bye!”._

Lincoln hung up, suddenly feeling years older than he really was. He looked towards the group, seeing that Octavia had already her eyes on him, trying to see if it was an important call or not; in the group, they had a pretty bad history with unexpected phone calls, so she was a bit worried.

Lincoln gestured for her to come join him in the kitchen, so she got up, a frown on her face.

“What’s up? Who was it?” Octavia asked.

“Jeremy called” Lincoln explained. “He found a case for us.”

“Already?” Octavia exclaimed, “He said it would take months!”

“That’s what I said to him” Lincoln chuckled, “But it’s a special case. There’s two kids.”

“Two?”

“Yeah, twins apparently. They want to keep them together, but the foster homes can’t take both of them”. Lincoln answered.

“So what? He wants us to foster them?” Octavia asked, to be sure she had understood.

“Basically, yes” Lincoln nodded.

“I don’t know” Octavia sighed, “Are we ready? I mean, it wasn’t supposed to happen already, and two? Can we handle _two_ kids?”

“I think we can” Lincoln shrugged, “I think we’ve been ready for a while.”

“But foster them, Linc?” Octavia said again, “Does it mean they’re going to live with us while waiting to be adopted by someone else? What if they stay with us for a year and someone takes them away?”

“Well we could ask Jeremy if it’s possible to adopt them, if they like living with us?” Lincoln suggested.

“Could we do that?”

“I don’t know. Let me call Jeremy” Lincoln said, getting his phone out and dialling Jeremy’s number.

_“Lincoln, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon”_ The man chuckled.

“Octavia and I have questions” Lincoln said.

_“I’m all ears.”_

“So, how does this work?” Lincoln asked, “Do we take them home, while they wait to be adopted? Or can we adopt them, if it goes well?”

_“Well, if you just want to be foster parents, then yes they will live with you while they wait for adoption by someone else”_ Jeremy explained, _“But if you want to adopt them if it goes well, then it’s possible too!”_

“When would they be there?” Octavia asked.

_“As soon as it’s possible for you”_ Jeremy said, _“The sooner the better.”_

“Are we really going to do this?” Octavia whispered to Lincoln.

_“I know it is a lot to ask”_ Jeremy said again, _“But frankly I am running out of options.”_

“We could still take them with us, while they find a better solution for them” Lincoln suggested, “But if we want to keep them longer well, we’ll see then?”

_“Yes, of course”_ Jeremy confirmed, _“Everything is possible.”_

Octavia and Lincoln looked at each other, trying to take a decision; although they both know they had already taken it.

“We’ll do it” Lincoln finally said. “Can you give us until Tuesday, so we can set everything we need for them?”

_Yes, of course. Thank you a lot. I’m sending you their files. You’ll see, they are interesting kids_ ” Jeremy answered.

“Alright, thank you Jeremy, we will call you tomorrow for the details” Octavia said.

They hung up, as Octavia and Lincoln stayed silent for a bit.

“Two kids” Octavia chuckled, “When I thought we would have to wait months to only have one”.

“Well, I like to think it’s destiny” Lincoln smiled.

“Destiny. Right” Octavia playfully rolled her eyes. “But now, we have to tell the others about it, we can’t hide it any longer.”

Lincoln hummed. He took Octavia’s hand in his, and they walked back to their friends to tell them the news 

* * *

 

 Jeremy hung up his phone, feeling a bit relieved with Octavia’s and Lincoln’s agreement. He took a few seconds to send them the twins’ files to them, and he went into the house to tell the twins about where they would be sent to live.

They were in their bedroom, quietly playing with the few toys they had; a ripped teddy bear, two old small toy cars and a plastic giraffe which had practically lost all colours.

“Guys, I have news for you” Jeremy said, after having lightly knocked on the door.

The twins looked up, waiting for him to speak.

“A very nice couple accepted to take you in” Jeremy said, “So you will leave on Tuesday to go stay with them.”

“The both of us?” The little boy asked, looking suspicious. He had learned they always was a catch, and even if Jeremy was a nice guy who hadn’t do anything to deserve their mistrust, he knew je couldn’t trust anyone who wasn’t his sister.

“Yes” Jeremy said, “The both of you.”

“Do they have other kids?” The little girl asked, more shy and reserved than her brother.

“No, you’ll be the only ones. And who knows? If it goes well, they might keep you guys.” Jeremy smiled, trying to cheer them up.

“Whatever” The boy sighed. He had long stopped believing they would find a family for the both of them.

“They really are nice people, Sam” Jeremy gently said to the kid, “And they are part of a big family. I think you’ll be fine, there.”

“We’ll see.” Samuel answered, not really convinced. Other social workers had said the same things to him over ten times now, so to him, it was really trustworthy, even coming from Jeremy.

* * *

 

“Two kids? But when? How?” Raven exclaimed, not having expected to hear this kind of news.

“We built our case a couple of months ago” Octavia explained. “The social worker said we would probably have to wait months for our case to be looked upon, but he just called, and said he had twins for us.”

“Well that was fast” Lexa said, wiping barbecue sauce from Ayden’s chin with a napkin, “What is the emergency with those two?”

“They’ve just been rescued from domestic violence” Lincoln explained, not missing the way they all tried not to look at Ayden and Clarke, “And since there’s no room in foster homes for the both of them, he asked us.”

“How old are they?” Monty asked.

“A bit under six” Octavia informed them, “Samuel and Emma.”

“So, a boy and a girl” Raven hummed, “What else do you know about them?”

“Well, Jeremy says Samuel is the braver one; he acts tough, always looks after his sister” Lincoln read from the kids’ files on his phone, “Always seems angry, and isn’t afraid to face adults”.

“Well, he does sound like Bellamy” Emori said, making the group laugh a little.

“Emma’s more quiet, but intelligent nonetheless. She’s shy and doesn’t talk much, but is a real sweetheart once she begins to open up.” Octavia said.

“Do you even have room for two kids?” Jasper frowned, “I mean, I can barely walk into my apartment”.

“That’s because you have stuff everywhere, Jas” Harper playfully scowled him.

“True” He shrugged as the group was laughing.

“Thanks to Lexa,” Octavia said, “We have a spare room. So we can turn it into the kids’ room”.

“Do you need help?” Clarke asked, “I could help you with the painting and stuff.”

“That would be great” Octavia nodded, “Maybe you boys could go buy us some beds for them?” She asked Bellamy and Lincoln, “They’re only six so don’t take too big ones for now, we don’t know how long they’ll be staying.”

“And if they stay? Will you adopt them?” Anya asked.

“We can, yes” Lincoln nodded. He knew well what Anya had asked; nothing was more heartbreaking for a foster kid than to get used to the house you were living in and grow attached to the owners and having to leave because they wouldn’t adopt you in the end.

“Isn’t it a rushed decision?” Murphy then said, throwing his hands up when Emori shot him a death glare “I mean, you don’t even know those kids, maybe there’re hard to live with”.

“Maybe” Lincoln shrugged, “but I think every kid deserves a second chance, whatever his past is made of. And as we said, it doesn’t engage us for anything, if we are not ready to adopt, we just foster them until a family wants to adopt them.”

“Well, I guess there’s work to do before those two come to ravage our world!” Raven said, getting up to clean the table.

They chuckled, getting up to set the twins’ arrival into motion.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for typos, English isn't my first language, but feel free to correct me if I sometimes don't make any sense to you !
> 
> What did you think about the chapter ? What do you think will happen next? Please review, let me know !! Thanks for reading!


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